gratitude sometimes requires perspective

by

Seven for Sunday

It is now somehow March. With a new month, apparently, come new and disturbing things to occupy our collective attention.

I am extremely thankful that February has had, as its companion, Elisabeth’s latest exercise in finding gratitude each day. It has been a gift to feel obligated to focus my mind on the big and little joys that surround me. Thank you so much, Elisabeth, for leading this practice in tracking the glimmers of light even on dark days.

This past week was a birthday week, and since many of the things that made this week’s gratitude list are birthday-related, I’m going to deviate from how I’ve tracked them. Instead of going day by day, I’m just going to make a big list.

  • Sunshine!: We’ve had more sunshine than not this week, and I’ve loved it! Spring feels like it is trying extra hard to burst forth into our lives and I appreciate the effort.
This is a photo from a few weeks ago because somehow I didn’t take a single outdoor photo all week.
  • Lunch with Mom and Dad: I got to go out to lunch with my parents, which is always so lovely. Having them nearby is something I do not take for granted, and I am so glad they enjoy my company as much as I enjoy theirs. After lunch, my mom and I went for a little stroll in the sunshine. Wonderful.
  • Baking Projects: I did a bunch of baking this week, which is always enjoyable. My attempt at lemon bars was a bit of a flop (I forgot the salt entirely and then I’m pretty sure I underbaked the crust), but! I did make a delicious loaf of perfect sandwich bread from scratch. And I transformed a pair of extremely past-their-prime bananas into a snack cake that my kid and her friend gobbled right up.
  • Sleepover: The kids were off school on Friday again (don’t want them to have too many five-day weeks!), so my kiddo had one of her closest friends stay the night. We went out to dinner, then grabbed ice cream, and the girls had a wild time watching movies and giggling and staying up way too late. Even though the noise grates on me, I am so grateful that my daughter has this friendship in her life.
  • Birthday Cat: My kitty turned one, and it was fun to celebrate him. He brings me more joy than I ever could have imagined, and I am grateful for him every day.
Such a distinguished gentleman.
  • Checking Off an Onerous Task: My car was due for a checkup, which I *hate* doing, for so many reasons. The experience was comically awful, but now it’s DONE, and I don’t have to get a checkup for a long time!
  • Long Distance Love: I got so many cards and texts and phone calls for my birthday, it was staggering. I feel so very lucky to have so many wonderful, kind, caring people in my life.
  • Mexican Food and Margaritas: My husband wanted to know if he should make reservations at a steak house for my birthday, but you know what? I wanted mediocre Mexican takeout and margaritas from a bottle. That’s what I got and hoo boy, was delicious.
  • Flowers!: My back-home best friend sent me the most gorgeous bouquet of flowers!!!! Lenny of course had to inspect them (and taste a leaf immediately, which is why I can only buy cat-safe foliage; he threw it up later which was super fun for all of us) before I moved them to one of the few cat-safe spaces in our home.
  • Call Week Perspective: Call weeks remind me how grateful I am for all the weeks my husband is not on call.
  • Tea!: My parents gave me an extremely generous check to use on something frivolous, which I am looking forward to spending. Since my mom likes to have something for me to unwrap, she also gave me two tins of looseleaf tea that sound fun and delicious, and a little tea strainer that looks like a leaf!
  • Clean Sheets: While my kid and her friend slept in, I laundered all the bedding. I just LOVE slipping into a fresh, clean bed at night. It’s a small thing, but it brings me pleasure.
  • Books!: My husband got me a stack of great books to read, along with a couple of other gifts. He knows me so well; these books all sound fabulous and I can’t wait to dive in.

  • Surgical Success: A beloved family member had surgery this week, and – even though we don’t yet have the results – the procedure itself went smoothly and the family member is doing great.
  • Yoga Nudge: Julie has invited everyone in blogland to join her, virtually, for yoga practice every Saturday. I finally got my rear in gear and managed to do this video – which was all about slow, intentional poses with lots of deep breathing and mindful exploration of gratitude. I hated every minute of it. But, as with many things that are both difficult and worthwhile, I am so glad I stuck with it. Forcing myself to slow down, mentally and physically, is something I struggle to do, and long after the video ended I was enveloped in a sense of serene calm. Oh right; this is why we’re supposed to try things that we don’t normally do, and to push outside our comfort zones once in awhile. I am grateful for that reminder, and grateful to Julie for facilitating it!
  • Long Distance Friends, Again: On my birthday, I got a call from a friend I haven’t seen in seven years. This is one of my favorite people in the world, and I really don’t know why we lost touch – I want to blame children and careers and time zones, but I really need to just look harder at how I can make connecting with him more of a priority. Anyway, he called me and asked where I was, and I told him. Since it was kind of an odd question, I asked where he was, figuring he was in Europe or on a ski hill somewhere. But no, he was IN MY TOWN. He ended up coming over for dinner that night and spending time reminiscing with me and my husband and catching us up on what’s been going on since we last saw him. It was so incredibly special, and I don’t think I can adequately express how grateful I am that we were able to get together.
  • New Rug: We finally finally ordered a new rug to replace the IKEA rug that’s been under our kitchen table for fourteen years. For the most part, I still like it. But it has become a tripping hazard and Lenny likes to hide hair ties underneath it, which is making the problem worse. We haven’t managed to remove the new rug from its package yet (see above re: Call week), but it’s HERE and I’m excited!
  • Forty-Five: Even though forty-five feels startlingly old, somehow, I am grateful for this birthday and for every birthday I get to have. Growing older is, a lot of the time, a pain in the ass, but above all, it is a gift.
The thick envelope on top of the yellow package contains my colonoscopy instructions. Woot.

Many thanks to Elisabeth for leading another month of the FIG Collective.

by

Seven for Sunday

Even when everything is awful, I have so much to be grateful for. Thank you to Elisabeth for driving that point home for me this past month, with her F.I.G. Collective.

Saturday, February 22: My husband and I undertook a very tedious house project I have been wanting to do since we moved in. (Going through all the paint in our basement, removing the paint that we will never need to the garage where we can let it dry out and then finally dispose of it, and moving the heavy, hideous shelving units on which the paint has been living so I can clean behind it. It was AWFUL, and it’s done, and I am very thankful I don’t have to think about it anymore.

Sunday, February 23: A very lovely friend has arranged an adventure for the two of us, as a birthday gift, and I am so touched by her generosity and also excited to see her. (We have an earlier adventure planned, which I am looking forward to as well. One adventure is food-focused and the other is book-focused, and I think you know food and books are two of my favorite things.) Sunday also came with a bonus dinner out with my parents. They took us to a restaurant we’d never been to before: I had delicious filet mignon and shared a scrumptious crème brûlée with my husband and kid, and the company and conversation were a balm against my (our collective???) current uptick in anxiety.

Monday, February 24: My local writing friend and I went for a nice long walk, during which we discussed all the non-writing concerns and triumphs in our lives, and then we headed to my house to write. I started our writing session doing exactly what I have promised myself I won’t do, which is rereading old chapters and editing them as I go. This story, as every story seems wont to do, has meandered away from where I originally thought it was going, so some of the early chapters are just plain wrong. It feels impossible to leave them like that! And yet this is some of the quicksand in which I get deeply and irretrievably stuck: I keep rewriting and rewriting and never finish the writing portion of the story, which, as you might agree, is pretty crucial. My friend and I checked in with each other after our designated sprint, and I admitted to her what I’d been doing, and she very gently and very kindly asked me if I could make a choice to leave those old chapters alone and write something new. It was a very simple suggestion, and a technique I am familiar with from parenting, and my initial reaction was resistance. But she looked at me without judgment and I looked at her, and I thought, okay, yes, I can do this. I can go back to the other chapters once this draft is done. And I ended up writing nearly 3,000 new words in new chapters. I feel like I am not conveying properly how kind and also freeing her suggestion was. I feel so grateful to have her as a friend and as a writing partner.

Tuesday, February 25: After my stellar writing day on Monday, I had time to make cupcakes. And I was very grateful on Tuesday to have fresh cupcakes to eat. But my main source of gratitude Tuesday was spending the afternoon with my parents. My dad I hung out and talked about finances and politics and health. My mom and I looked at her latest paintings. The three of us watched at least a dozen squirrels tear around the lawn and one of their trees. Then we went for a walk and ended up at the woodshop where my dad showed me his latest carpentry project. I hope I never take for granted that I can just pop over to their house and chat with them for a few hours. I hope we have many, many afternoons just like that in our future. Okay, maybe my time with my parents is tied for top spot, because I spent the evening with my husband and kid. My husband picked up the kiddo from school, which is always a treat for me (and for both of them), and then they picked up Mediterranean takeout for dinner, which we ate together around the table. It has historically been very difficult for the three of us to eat dinner together, but my husband and I are making more of an effort to make it happen, and I love it every time.

Wednesday, February 26: This was a hair washing day, and I was for once excited to wash my hair because – YOU GUYS – my husband got me the dryer/straightener of my dreams. It is truly magical. I have straightened my kid’s relentlessly wavy hair twice so far, and my own twice as well, and I love it so very much. Moreso than my gratitude for the hair dryer itself: I am deeply touched that my husband a) heard me when I was discussing the various merits and disadvantages of replacement hair dryers and b) that he would be on board with such an extravagance and c) that he would buy it FOR me as a surprise. (I hope this doesn’t sound too much like “I like my husband because he gets me fancy gifts” – I’m more thankful for the deliberate thoughtfulness. I trust you understand.)

Thursday, February 27: Engie emailed me to tell me that one of my all-time favorite books is going to be a movie! She and I agreed that the star – a Great Dane named Bing – is reason enough to watch the movie.

Friday, February 28: I am delighted that the month, the week, and my FIG collection efforts are all ending on the same day! So fun when things line up like that. I am also grateful for the penguin photos I keep getting from a friend who is in Antarctica right now. Nothing brightens a day quite like getting a text and finding out it’s another photo of PENGUINS.

This exercise of gratitude has been worthwhile, necessary, and more difficult than I anticipated. I have so much good in my life, and I don’t know why it can be so hard sometimes to find the glimmers amid the darkness. I strive to be more like Nicole, and devote regular time to giving thanks for the things I take for granted every day: clean water, electricity, abundant food, good health, a roof over my head, a safe place to walk, a loving family, wonderful friends. If this month has taught me anything, achieving that goal takes – like anything worthwhile – effort.

Thank you, Elisabeth, for leading this practice of gratitude. Thank you to everyone who participated, and whose FIGs brightened many of my days all month long.

by

Seven for Saturday

If you need a little extra joy in your life, and/or a little help finding it in your day-to-day, Elisabeth is leading a daily practice of gratitude with her F.I.G. Collective this month. Sometimes, when friends or loved ones have said something along the lines of, “Buck up! You have so much to be grateful for!” or “Count your blessings!”, I’ve felt like doubling down on whatever bad mood has overcome me. Gratitude isn’t something you can force on others, or on yourself. So if you AREN’T into feeling grateful, there is no pressure from me (or from Elisabeth, honestly!). But I will say that reading about everyone else’s bright spots – from getting a bunch of green lights in a row to blogger meet ups to delicious dinners and birthday celebrations – has infused my days with some extra cheer. 

Anyway, it was so fun and bolstering to read everyone’s FIGs last week that I started this past week determined to capture as many moments of joy and gratitude as possible. I even made a list LAST SATURDAY with the idea that I would return daily to fill in all the wonderful moments as they happened. 

Well. I filled out Saturday’s list of things to be grateful for and then… forgot about FIGs until just now. This past week has been rough. It was a BUSY week, the kind of week I abhor, with lots of unpleasant commitments and appointments one right after another. And then, as I mentioned, it’s been tough from a parenting perspective, too. All that is to say that I’ve had to scrape down to the very bottom to find FIGs for the past week, and a lot of them involve food.

Saturday, February 8:

  • Perfect Balance: Today was the perfect balance of lounging around and getting stuff done. I got in a good writing session, I spent time with my husband and kid, I moved my body, I got to sit on the couch and read, I did a load of laundry, and I made a delicious homemade dinner.
  • Fabulous Flurries: I am not ready for winter to end quite yet, and we got a little skiff of snow today!
  • Cutest Kiddo: Carla was extra delightful and cheery. I could hear her talking to some sitcom she was watching on her iPad, saying, “Come on! Tell her! Tell her you love her!” 
  • Delicious Dishes: We made Birchie-Recommended chicken bowls with cilantro pesto, and they were so yummy. We also made mini flourless chocolate cakes for our Super Bowl “party” tomorrow with my parents.
These were not as good as I’d hoped, but still fun to make (and eat).

Sunday, February 9:

  • Super Snacks: My parents brought over an incredibly tasty appetizer for our Super Bowl “party”: thin-sliced beef tenderloin and Brie on top of sliced baguette, topped with red pepper jelly. I cannot stomach beef this rare, but my dad kindly “overcooked” part of the beef tenderloin just for me. Not pictured because I ate it all. 
  • Satisfying Showdown: I like football and it’s fun to root for a team whose success or failure has no effect on my/my husband’s mood. 
  • Family Togetherness: Spending time with my parents is really so wonderful. I love being able to relax and hang out with them.
  • Writing Win: Even though I thought I wouldn’t have time to write on a day when I was having people over, I managed to write 1700 words in my manuscript. 
The veggies were excellent too. I love me some crudite.

Monday, February 10:

  • Words on the Page: Managed to write nearly 2000 words today, let’s not focus on the fact that only 200 of them were part of my primary manuscript.
  • Boots on the Ground: Or, rather, sneakers on the treadmill. I did not get outside today due to excess ice, but I did plod away on the treadmill while typing. (I don’t see how I only walked 2.28 miles when the treadmill was set to 3 mph, but whatever, who’s counting.)

Tuesday, February 11:

  • Done and Done: This was a Work Day, with a three-hour meeting in the morning and an afternoon spent following up on tasks assigned in that meeting. I usually drag out the tasks for a few days, but today I tackled them all at once and Got ‘Er Done. Very satisfying and now I don’t have to think about it.
  • Treading Along: As you can see, I am really, really digging to find anything positive about this day, but I DID manage to do an hour plus on the treadmill (while completing the aforementioned tasks on my laptop). I was walking at 3 mpg, as per usual, although my watch disagreed. That’s okay because I KNOW THE TRUTH. 
Our orange wall makes me happy.

Wednesday, February 12:

  • Connection and Culture: My parents and I went to an art museum together! It was so fun to be with them and explore fascinating artworks. 
  • Ladies (and Dad) Who Lunch: After our arts-and-culture morning, my parents took me out to lunch. I don’t go out to lunch during the school week very often, and it always feels like the pinnacle of decadence. Then we ran into one of my friends at the end of our meal, which was also fun!
I adore Cubism. Perhaps that’s why my photos are always askew.

Thursday, February 13:

  • Sheet Pan Shawarma: This meal was literally the only good thing about today. 
  • Outdoor Time: Okay, I am putting this short outdoor walk here because I am glad I did it, even though a) I wasn’t planning on walking, but I mixed up Carla’s school pickup time and ended up having an extra 1.5 hours on my hands which is not enough time for me to drive home and do anything, and b) the wind was fierce and frigid, and c) the walking path was icy and I slipped and nearly fell multiple times. It wasn’t enjoyable or pretty, but I still spent time moving my body in nature dammit.
  • Phone a Friend: Okay, this is what happens when you work backwards from “this was the only good thing about today”: you find OTHER good things. (Thank you, Elisabeth, for making me feel obliged to find something, anything, to be thankful for.) Anyway, I had an extra hour in the car today (medication shortage, and the only pharmacy that had the medication was a 30-minute drive away from both my house and Carla’s school) and my best friend, whom I’d texted because I was crying in the doctor’s office parking lot – NOTHING IS WRONG, I SWEAR, IT WAS JUST A BAD DAY – and was embarrassed and the way I deal with embarrassment, as evidenced by this here blog, is to share it with a loved one in hopes they will commiserate or reassure or at the very least love me anyway, I have lost track of the punctuation in this sentence so let’s begin again: My best friend intuited that I was in the car and called me and made both my drive and my day much better (if temporarily).  
  • Co-Parenting Comfort: As I mentioned previously, I blubbered all over my husband about my bad day – which, I guiltily recognize, did not involve telling anyone they have cancer – and he was kind, and held me, and told me we would get through it, and made a plan with me to figure out a solution. 
Yummy yummy roasted veggies. And chicken, I did add some chicken tenders to the mix and they didn’t ruin anything.

Friday, February 14:

  • Taco Victory: I Frankensteined a recipe for beef birria tacos based on a bunch of recipes online and they were delicious. The consommé was extraordinarily flavorful and complex and spicy and rich. *Guy Fieri voice* I could eat that on a flip flop. 
  • Cheesecake Success: I made mini cheesecakes (but with gingersnaps for the crust instead of cardboard I mean graham crackers) and they were perfect in every way. 
  • Writing Loophole: I discovered that, even though I have written a measly THREE DAYS this week, instead of daily like I am committed to failing at doing, I have still managed to meet my goal of 800 words per day so far this month.
  • Kind Comments: Your comments on my parenting angst slash blowdryer dilemma were so lovely and warm and bolstering. Thank you.
Not too shabby for only having written half the days this month. Not that I should continue along in this vein of not writing every day omg.

A very ups-and-downs week. But there WERE ups, and I am grateful to Elisabeth for inspiring me to find those high points among the general preponderance of lows.