my parents are angels

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Scattershot Saturday Thoughts

Will I ever write a single topic post again?

Some might say that I should make several small posts instead of grouping a bunch of small topics together in one post. I say, the heart wants what it wants and today it wants to jibber jabber about a bunch of random shit.

I am obsessed with my cat.

This is likely not a surprise to you. Lenny is The Best, and since I am at home a lot of the day, every day, he is my constant companion. I cannot tell you how much of my one wild and precious life I have devoted to looking up things to enhance his quality of life. Catios, toys, communication systems. One thing I read frequently about cats is that they love to be UP HIGH, and my cat has a cat tower in the kitchen and a window perch in my office and, of course, a balcony (surely the people who built this house had Lenny in mind). But I’m always wondering if we could do more. Maybe I need a floor-to-ceiling cat tower for my office or my bedroom or my kid’s room or the basement?

I mentioned recently that my cat has become obsessed with a grasshopper that attaches to his wand toy. Well, my daughter handed him the grasshopper and he absconded with it and now I have no idea where it is; either it’s gone forever, or it will show up someday under the oven or in my bed at three in the morning. Fortunately, I can buy grasshopper replacements! Which led me to these rabbit fur toys. How many toys does one cat need, Suzanne?!

Instagram is well aware of how much I adore my cat, and feeds me all the cat content. Lately, it seems like everyone is getting another cat, and oh how I would LOVE to have a friend for Lenny. My husband, who did not particularly want a cat in the first place and agreed to get Lenny purely out of love for me and our kid, is not on board. And I respect that. But also: I want a second cat. Much as many non-parents believe with their whole hearts that they will NEVER be the kind of parent to have toys lying around their living rooms, I was firm in my conviction that I would never have cat towers or cat toys cluttering up my space. And, just like those non-parents who do a complete 180 when they have a kid, I now spend long minutes staring at my walls, wondering how best I could incorporate a wall climbing system into our overall home design and daydreaming about teaming up with my dad to create a custom set of cat slash Other Things shelves – maybe this combined with this (or this or this)? – that would look elegant and natural on our walls but would also provide our cat with a new way to see the world.

“How can anyone NOT be obsessed with me?”

Longterm projects to complete with a partner

Okay, moving on from my cat! My mom told me about a local challenge – sort of like a pub crawl, but without the pubs. We went to our first non-pub yesterday and plan to visit another one next week. I love that she suggested this joint activity: it gives us an “excuse” to get together, it encourages us to visit different parts of our community, and it supports local businesses. This is exactly the kind of thing I’ve been wanting to do with her, but a) I haven’t really known how or where to look for this kind of thing and b) nothing has jumped out to bite me.

I have to believe that there are other, similar types of activities that we can do together once we’ve completed this one. BUT WHAT??? Everything I come up with almost immediately hits a non-negotiable.

Visiting local museums seems like an obvious idea. Although I tire of museums quickly. Plus, they often cost money and it would be ideal if this joint activity were free. Birchie has taken on a hiking challenge several years running, which sounds appealing. Unfortunately, my mom lives nearby primarily in the winter months, and hiking in the snow and ice isn’t at the top of her list of fun things to do. (Don’t you love how the prior sentence cleverly implies hiking in snow and ice IS on MY list of fun things to do?) Elisabeth visits lighthouses, but the closest lighthouses to me aren’t reasonably close to my mom’s house. A coffee shop or restaurant or ice cream shop crawl would be fun, but again with the spending money, not to mention that those types of places tend to be crowded and noisy, which cross them pretty firmly off the list. A dear friend of mine would be all about finding local haunted places, but I don’t think that’s my mom’s jam. Stephany recently did a reading crawl, which I find deeply appealing… maybe my mom and I could visit one bookstore or library at a time and spend an hour or so reading together? My mom doesn’t really enjoy shopping or live music, neither of us are that into group exercise classes.

Are there any options I’m not thinking of? Have you ever done a “challenge” or a multi-part activity, either on your own or with a friend or family member?

Favorite podcasts

Based on Engie’s enthusiastic recommendation, I binged the entire second season of “Adults in the Room.” It was compelling and thought-provoking, and I found myself staring into space after every episode, wondering about things like the knife’s edge balance between “protecting a victim and future potential victims from abuse” and “protecting people from false accusations”… the many, many ways people can inflict themselves and their desires on others non-consensually and whether “abuse/abuser” are the most accurate terms for every act/person on that spectrum… and how big systems, like school districts, can feasibly and reliably balance the need to employ staff against their responsibility to protect the people they serve. It was a heavy topic, for sure, and the podcast of course had limitations in its scope and viewpoint and ability to address the bigger questions, but I found it completely engrossing.

Last fall, I think, Nicole recommended that I listen to a podcast called “Beth’s Dead,” and hoo boy, THAT was a fantastic listen. It also touched on heavy topics, but it was mostly about the intensity of parasocial relationships and I loooooved it.

I am not typically a podcast listener, although I can’t articulate why I gravitate toward other types of media first. But I enjoyed “Adults in the Room” and “Beth Is Dead” so much that I would love something exactly like either of them. I just started “Scamanda” which might do the trick, but would love more ideas if you have them.

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Initial thoughts on physical therapy

The other day marked my first physical therapy appointment to treat a case of tennis elbow. Reminder: I do not play tennis. My best guess is that I injured my forearm while lifting weights.

This was my second time patronizing a physical therapist; the last time, some seven or so years ago, was also in response to a workout-related injury. That time, I’d squinched my lower back doing ab exercises during a barre class. I don’t remember much about that PT experience, except that it was helpful. So I am going to try to write about this experience in more detail, for the benefit of Future Me.

When I arrived at the PT office, I had to fill out a series of long questionnaires – the kind that ask the wrong questions. (For instance, it asked “Does your pain interfere with your social life?” instead of “Does your pain interfere with your ability to work out the way you want to, which affects your mental and physical health on a daily basis?”)

After I’d filled out all the forms and handed over my insurance card for photocopying, my physio (Allison calls her PT a physio, so I am going to do that as well) called me back to a little office that looked like a doctor’s exam room: exam table, couple of chairs, cabinet with sink. The physio asked me a bunch of questions about my pain level and when/how I thought I’d injured the area. (He also noted that he had no part in designing the questions, nor has he ever, in twenty years as a PT, looked at any of the completed questionnaires.) (ARRRGGGHHHHHH, amirite.) Then he pressed on various parts of my arm and moved my arm around in a variety of ways and asked if anything caused pain. Then he agreed with the diagnosis of tennis elbow and said I would need to come to PT twice a week for six weeks. Ugh.

Then he showed me a couple of stretches to do, advised me to ice my elbow twice a day, and took me into the main space of the PT room, where there were exercise benches, weight machines, yoga mats, treadmill, and massage tables. I sat on a chair with my arm resting on a massage table and the physio ran an ultrasound machine over my forearm for what seemed like a long time. Then he massaged my forearm using a metal tool that looked kind of like this. He asked me if I could tell how tight my muscles were (or maybe he said “tendons”?), and when I said no, he showed me how the metal tool was unable to slide smoothly over my arm, but instead looked as though it were gliding over a bumpy road. Then he showed me how to massage my own forearm, using the elbow of my opposite arm (not easy or fun), and that was it.

I wasn’t really prepared for anything about the experience, because I had no idea what to expect.

Two things I wish I had known in advance:

1. That I would be a lot of pain after the appointment. My arm is sore, and in a new way than it has been; I would compare it to the same soreness I’ve had after getting a vigorous back massage, or even similar to the soreness of doing a rigorous exercise routine. Allison suggested that I take Advil before PT, and I will do that next time for sure.

2. That I would be expected to CHAT. My physio was lovely and friendly and talkative, and it turned out we had a lot in common to discuss. But chatting for A Whole Hour with someone I don’t know well is exhausting. There was one other patient in the office while I was there, and he looked at his phone the whole time his physio was massaging him… but he was on his stomach and she was working on his legs/feet, and I think it would be a lot more difficult/rude to stare at my phone while my physio massages my arm right there next to my face. I already dread going to the dental hygienist because of the chatting, and I only have to do that twice a year. HOW am I going to survive eleven more hours of conversation with this guy? (Who, again, seems lovely and friendly and kind!)

Wall art

My primary resting spot in this house is in the cozy armchair in the corner of my office. My view from the chair is of my bookshelves, but I am increasingly aware of how bare the walls are on either side of the shelves. Wouldn’t that be a nice way to display some family photos? We have TONS of artwork around our house, but very few family photos.

I have gone so far as to select a variety of photos that I’d like to display, but that’s where I get stuck.

What is the best way to display them? Gallery-wall style or on a series of floating shelves? Is there a way I could incorporate my decorative skiing tile, which I bought from Lauren years ago and LOVE and have never figured out how to properly display? (If you look closely, it’s sitting there on top of the Sue Grafton mysteries, but I would like it to be more visible.) If I have one non-photo, should/could I also add a small painting or a poem or something? How do I figure out how many [items] would look good and what sizes they should be?

I realize my success with gallery walls is zero, but this is MY office so I have more control over it than over shared spaces.

Ergonomic laptop holders

Speaking of my office sitting habits, I forgot to tell you about the part of my physical therapy appointment during which the physio scolded me about my computer usage habits. (He wasn’t mean about it or anything, more aghast that I was doing such constant harm to myself.) He suggested that I immediately stop using my laptop while sitting in an armchair (don’t let him know where I am writing this post) and sit instead at my desk, and invest in an ergonomic laptop holder so that I stop doing intense and ongoing damage to my neck and posture. He also recommended that I immediately cease using the track pad and keyboard on my laptop and get a separate mouse and keyboard.

What I want to know is, are there ergonomic laptop holders I can use on my lap? I really don’t like sitting at my desk.

How long is too long to sleep in?

Between the cat and perimenopause, I am no longer a sleeper-inner. My husband, who is chronically underslept, can sleep in until ten o’clock on the rare occasion the stars align for him to do so. My kid, who is almost-but-not-quite a teenager, has begun to sleep in more luxuriously than she used to; for years and years, she was an up-with-the-sun kind of kid.

My question is, how long do I let her sleep? I know she doesn’t get enough sleep these days, so I’m inclined to let her sleep until she wakes up naturally. But I also don’t want to start a Bad Pattern, and sleeping late often leads directly to staying up late. Ten o’clock feels decently decadent to me, but my husband says he remembers sleeping in until one or so when he was a teen.

When you can sleep in, how late do you sleep? If you have kids, how late do you let them lounge in bed?

Also me.

That’s all I’ve got today, Internet. I hope it is not snowing where you are. You know I love snow, but not in May.

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Seven for Sunday

It is now somehow March. With a new month, apparently, come new and disturbing things to occupy our collective attention.

I am extremely thankful that February has had, as its companion, Elisabeth’s latest exercise in finding gratitude each day. It has been a gift to feel obligated to focus my mind on the big and little joys that surround me. Thank you so much, Elisabeth, for leading this practice in tracking the glimmers of light even on dark days.

This past week was a birthday week, and since many of the things that made this week’s gratitude list are birthday-related, I’m going to deviate from how I’ve tracked them. Instead of going day by day, I’m just going to make a big list.

  • Sunshine!: We’ve had more sunshine than not this week, and I’ve loved it! Spring feels like it is trying extra hard to burst forth into our lives and I appreciate the effort.
This is a photo from a few weeks ago because somehow I didn’t take a single outdoor photo all week.
  • Lunch with Mom and Dad: I got to go out to lunch with my parents, which is always so lovely. Having them nearby is something I do not take for granted, and I am so glad they enjoy my company as much as I enjoy theirs. After lunch, my mom and I went for a little stroll in the sunshine. Wonderful.
  • Baking Projects: I did a bunch of baking this week, which is always enjoyable. My attempt at lemon bars was a bit of a flop (I forgot the salt entirely and then I’m pretty sure I underbaked the crust), but! I did make a delicious loaf of perfect sandwich bread from scratch. And I transformed a pair of extremely past-their-prime bananas into a snack cake that my kid and her friend gobbled right up.
  • Sleepover: The kids were off school on Friday again (don’t want them to have too many five-day weeks!), so my kiddo had one of her closest friends stay the night. We went out to dinner, then grabbed ice cream, and the girls had a wild time watching movies and giggling and staying up way too late. Even though the noise grates on me, I am so grateful that my daughter has this friendship in her life.
  • Birthday Cat: My kitty turned one, and it was fun to celebrate him. He brings me more joy than I ever could have imagined, and I am grateful for him every day.
Such a distinguished gentleman.
  • Checking Off an Onerous Task: My car was due for a checkup, which I *hate* doing, for so many reasons. The experience was comically awful, but now it’s DONE, and I don’t have to get a checkup for a long time!
  • Long Distance Love: I got so many cards and texts and phone calls for my birthday, it was staggering. I feel so very lucky to have so many wonderful, kind, caring people in my life.
  • Mexican Food and Margaritas: My husband wanted to know if he should make reservations at a steak house for my birthday, but you know what? I wanted mediocre Mexican takeout and margaritas from a bottle. That’s what I got and hoo boy, was delicious.
  • Flowers!: My back-home best friend sent me the most gorgeous bouquet of flowers!!!! Lenny of course had to inspect them (and taste a leaf immediately, which is why I can only buy cat-safe foliage; he threw it up later which was super fun for all of us) before I moved them to one of the few cat-safe spaces in our home.
  • Call Week Perspective: Call weeks remind me how grateful I am for all the weeks my husband is not on call.
  • Tea!: My parents gave me an extremely generous check to use on something frivolous, which I am looking forward to spending. Since my mom likes to have something for me to unwrap, she also gave me two tins of looseleaf tea that sound fun and delicious, and a little tea strainer that looks like a leaf!
  • Clean Sheets: While my kid and her friend slept in, I laundered all the bedding. I just LOVE slipping into a fresh, clean bed at night. It’s a small thing, but it brings me pleasure.
  • Books!: My husband got me a stack of great books to read, along with a couple of other gifts. He knows me so well; these books all sound fabulous and I can’t wait to dive in.

  • Surgical Success: A beloved family member had surgery this week, and – even though we don’t yet have the results – the procedure itself went smoothly and the family member is doing great.
  • Yoga Nudge: Julie has invited everyone in blogland to join her, virtually, for yoga practice every Saturday. I finally got my rear in gear and managed to do this video – which was all about slow, intentional poses with lots of deep breathing and mindful exploration of gratitude. I hated every minute of it. But, as with many things that are both difficult and worthwhile, I am so glad I stuck with it. Forcing myself to slow down, mentally and physically, is something I struggle to do, and long after the video ended I was enveloped in a sense of serene calm. Oh right; this is why we’re supposed to try things that we don’t normally do, and to push outside our comfort zones once in awhile. I am grateful for that reminder, and grateful to Julie for facilitating it!
  • Long Distance Friends, Again: On my birthday, I got a call from a friend I haven’t seen in seven years. This is one of my favorite people in the world, and I really don’t know why we lost touch – I want to blame children and careers and time zones, but I really need to just look harder at how I can make connecting with him more of a priority. Anyway, he called me and asked where I was, and I told him. Since it was kind of an odd question, I asked where he was, figuring he was in Europe or on a ski hill somewhere. But no, he was IN MY TOWN. He ended up coming over for dinner that night and spending time reminiscing with me and my husband and catching us up on what’s been going on since we last saw him. It was so incredibly special, and I don’t think I can adequately express how grateful I am that we were able to get together.
  • New Rug: We finally finally ordered a new rug to replace the IKEA rug that’s been under our kitchen table for fourteen years. For the most part, I still like it. But it has become a tripping hazard and Lenny likes to hide hair ties underneath it, which is making the problem worse. We haven’t managed to remove the new rug from its package yet (see above re: Call week), but it’s HERE and I’m excited!
  • Forty-Five: Even though forty-five feels startlingly old, somehow, I am grateful for this birthday and for every birthday I get to have. Growing older is, a lot of the time, a pain in the ass, but above all, it is a gift.
The thick envelope on top of the yellow package contains my colonoscopy instructions. Woot.

Many thanks to Elisabeth for leading another month of the FIG Collective.

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Seven for Sunday

Even when everything is awful, I have so much to be grateful for. Thank you to Elisabeth for driving that point home for me this past month, with her F.I.G. Collective.

Saturday, February 22: My husband and I undertook a very tedious house project I have been wanting to do since we moved in. (Going through all the paint in our basement, removing the paint that we will never need to the garage where we can let it dry out and then finally dispose of it, and moving the heavy, hideous shelving units on which the paint has been living so I can clean behind it. It was AWFUL, and it’s done, and I am very thankful I don’t have to think about it anymore.

Sunday, February 23: A very lovely friend has arranged an adventure for the two of us, as a birthday gift, and I am so touched by her generosity and also excited to see her. (We have an earlier adventure planned, which I am looking forward to as well. One adventure is food-focused and the other is book-focused, and I think you know food and books are two of my favorite things.) Sunday also came with a bonus dinner out with my parents. They took us to a restaurant we’d never been to before: I had delicious filet mignon and shared a scrumptious crème brûlée with my husband and kid, and the company and conversation were a balm against my (our collective???) current uptick in anxiety.

Monday, February 24: My local writing friend and I went for a nice long walk, during which we discussed all the non-writing concerns and triumphs in our lives, and then we headed to my house to write. I started our writing session doing exactly what I have promised myself I won’t do, which is rereading old chapters and editing them as I go. This story, as every story seems wont to do, has meandered away from where I originally thought it was going, so some of the early chapters are just plain wrong. It feels impossible to leave them like that! And yet this is some of the quicksand in which I get deeply and irretrievably stuck: I keep rewriting and rewriting and never finish the writing portion of the story, which, as you might agree, is pretty crucial. My friend and I checked in with each other after our designated sprint, and I admitted to her what I’d been doing, and she very gently and very kindly asked me if I could make a choice to leave those old chapters alone and write something new. It was a very simple suggestion, and a technique I am familiar with from parenting, and my initial reaction was resistance. But she looked at me without judgment and I looked at her, and I thought, okay, yes, I can do this. I can go back to the other chapters once this draft is done. And I ended up writing nearly 3,000 new words in new chapters. I feel like I am not conveying properly how kind and also freeing her suggestion was. I feel so grateful to have her as a friend and as a writing partner.

Tuesday, February 25: After my stellar writing day on Monday, I had time to make cupcakes. And I was very grateful on Tuesday to have fresh cupcakes to eat. But my main source of gratitude Tuesday was spending the afternoon with my parents. My dad I hung out and talked about finances and politics and health. My mom and I looked at her latest paintings. The three of us watched at least a dozen squirrels tear around the lawn and one of their trees. Then we went for a walk and ended up at the woodshop where my dad showed me his latest carpentry project. I hope I never take for granted that I can just pop over to their house and chat with them for a few hours. I hope we have many, many afternoons just like that in our future. Okay, maybe my time with my parents is tied for top spot, because I spent the evening with my husband and kid. My husband picked up the kiddo from school, which is always a treat for me (and for both of them), and then they picked up Mediterranean takeout for dinner, which we ate together around the table. It has historically been very difficult for the three of us to eat dinner together, but my husband and I are making more of an effort to make it happen, and I love it every time.

Wednesday, February 26: This was a hair washing day, and I was for once excited to wash my hair because – YOU GUYS – my husband got me the dryer/straightener of my dreams. It is truly magical. I have straightened my kid’s relentlessly wavy hair twice so far, and my own twice as well, and I love it so very much. Moreso than my gratitude for the hair dryer itself: I am deeply touched that my husband a) heard me when I was discussing the various merits and disadvantages of replacement hair dryers and b) that he would be on board with such an extravagance and c) that he would buy it FOR me as a surprise. (I hope this doesn’t sound too much like “I like my husband because he gets me fancy gifts” – I’m more thankful for the deliberate thoughtfulness. I trust you understand.)

Thursday, February 27: Engie emailed me to tell me that one of my all-time favorite books is going to be a movie! She and I agreed that the star – a Great Dane named Bing – is reason enough to watch the movie.

Friday, February 28: I am delighted that the month, the week, and my FIG collection efforts are all ending on the same day! So fun when things line up like that. I am also grateful for the penguin photos I keep getting from a friend who is in Antarctica right now. Nothing brightens a day quite like getting a text and finding out it’s another photo of PENGUINS.

This exercise of gratitude has been worthwhile, necessary, and more difficult than I anticipated. I have so much good in my life, and I don’t know why it can be so hard sometimes to find the glimmers amid the darkness. I strive to be more like Nicole, and devote regular time to giving thanks for the things I take for granted every day: clean water, electricity, abundant food, good health, a roof over my head, a safe place to walk, a loving family, wonderful friends. If this month has taught me anything, achieving that goal takes – like anything worthwhile – effort.

Thank you, Elisabeth, for leading this practice of gratitude. Thank you to everyone who participated, and whose FIGs brightened many of my days all month long.