seven for saturday

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Seven for Sunday

Even when everything is awful, I have so much to be grateful for. Thank you to Elisabeth for driving that point home for me this past month, with her F.I.G. Collective.

Saturday, February 22: My husband and I undertook a very tedious house project I have been wanting to do since we moved in. (Going through all the paint in our basement, removing the paint that we will never need to the garage where we can let it dry out and then finally dispose of it, and moving the heavy, hideous shelving units on which the paint has been living so I can clean behind it. It was AWFUL, and it’s done, and I am very thankful I don’t have to think about it anymore.

Sunday, February 23: A very lovely friend has arranged an adventure for the two of us, as a birthday gift, and I am so touched by her generosity and also excited to see her. (We have an earlier adventure planned, which I am looking forward to as well. One adventure is food-focused and the other is book-focused, and I think you know food and books are two of my favorite things.) Sunday also came with a bonus dinner out with my parents. They took us to a restaurant we’d never been to before: I had delicious filet mignon and shared a scrumptious crème brûlée with my husband and kid, and the company and conversation were a balm against my (our collective???) current uptick in anxiety.

Monday, February 24: My local writing friend and I went for a nice long walk, during which we discussed all the non-writing concerns and triumphs in our lives, and then we headed to my house to write. I started our writing session doing exactly what I have promised myself I won’t do, which is rereading old chapters and editing them as I go. This story, as every story seems wont to do, has meandered away from where I originally thought it was going, so some of the early chapters are just plain wrong. It feels impossible to leave them like that! And yet this is some of the quicksand in which I get deeply and irretrievably stuck: I keep rewriting and rewriting and never finish the writing portion of the story, which, as you might agree, is pretty crucial. My friend and I checked in with each other after our designated sprint, and I admitted to her what I’d been doing, and she very gently and very kindly asked me if I could make a choice to leave those old chapters alone and write something new. It was a very simple suggestion, and a technique I am familiar with from parenting, and my initial reaction was resistance. But she looked at me without judgment and I looked at her, and I thought, okay, yes, I can do this. I can go back to the other chapters once this draft is done. And I ended up writing nearly 3,000 new words in new chapters. I feel like I am not conveying properly how kind and also freeing her suggestion was. I feel so grateful to have her as a friend and as a writing partner.

Tuesday, February 25: After my stellar writing day on Monday, I had time to make cupcakes. And I was very grateful on Tuesday to have fresh cupcakes to eat. But my main source of gratitude Tuesday was spending the afternoon with my parents. My dad I hung out and talked about finances and politics and health. My mom and I looked at her latest paintings. The three of us watched at least a dozen squirrels tear around the lawn and one of their trees. Then we went for a walk and ended up at the woodshop where my dad showed me his latest carpentry project. I hope I never take for granted that I can just pop over to their house and chat with them for a few hours. I hope we have many, many afternoons just like that in our future. Okay, maybe my time with my parents is tied for top spot, because I spent the evening with my husband and kid. My husband picked up the kiddo from school, which is always a treat for me (and for both of them), and then they picked up Mediterranean takeout for dinner, which we ate together around the table. It has historically been very difficult for the three of us to eat dinner together, but my husband and I are making more of an effort to make it happen, and I love it every time.

Wednesday, February 26: This was a hair washing day, and I was for once excited to wash my hair because – YOU GUYS – my husband got me the dryer/straightener of my dreams. It is truly magical. I have straightened my kid’s relentlessly wavy hair twice so far, and my own twice as well, and I love it so very much. Moreso than my gratitude for the hair dryer itself: I am deeply touched that my husband a) heard me when I was discussing the various merits and disadvantages of replacement hair dryers and b) that he would be on board with such an extravagance and c) that he would buy it FOR me as a surprise. (I hope this doesn’t sound too much like “I like my husband because he gets me fancy gifts” – I’m more thankful for the deliberate thoughtfulness. I trust you understand.)

Thursday, February 27: Engie emailed me to tell me that one of my all-time favorite books is going to be a movie! She and I agreed that the star – a Great Dane named Bing – is reason enough to watch the movie.

Friday, February 28: I am delighted that the month, the week, and my FIG collection efforts are all ending on the same day! So fun when things line up like that. I am also grateful for the penguin photos I keep getting from a friend who is in Antarctica right now. Nothing brightens a day quite like getting a text and finding out it’s another photo of PENGUINS.

This exercise of gratitude has been worthwhile, necessary, and more difficult than I anticipated. I have so much good in my life, and I don’t know why it can be so hard sometimes to find the glimmers amid the darkness. I strive to be more like Nicole, and devote regular time to giving thanks for the things I take for granted every day: clean water, electricity, abundant food, good health, a roof over my head, a safe place to walk, a loving family, wonderful friends. If this month has taught me anything, achieving that goal takes – like anything worthwhile – effort.

Thank you, Elisabeth, for leading this practice of gratitude. Thank you to everyone who participated, and whose FIGs brightened many of my days all month long.

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Seven for Saturday

Elisabeth is leading a daily practice of gratitude with her F.I.G. Collective this month, and I have been collecting my own moments of gratitude. Sometimes well after the fact, which is less effective in sustaining gratitude day to day. But we work with what we have.

Saturday, February 15:

Well, this day is a total mystery to me. I did not keep track of the things I was grateful for in the moment, so I have no idea what we did during the day at all. I didn’t write. I didn’t go for a walk until around three. I’m pretty sure we made salmon burgers for dinner and then watched Mockingjay, but I couldn’t swear to it. My moments of gratitude on this day go to long walks outdoors (I at least have evidence I did that, even if I don’t remember it) and cozy evenings with my family.

Photo by Carla, who loves the snow as much as I do.

Sunday, February 16:

Carla’s sports lesson was cancelled this weekend, so we got to sleep in! Then I wrote 2,700 words in my manuscript while plodding away on the treadmill. THEN Carla got invited to an impromptu sleepover, so my husband and I had an evening all to ourselves. We browsed furniture stores, sampled perfumes until our heads ached, scrapped our restaurant dinner plans and brought pizza home instead, and then watched Longlegs together. I am so grateful for time to do the things that are important to me, that Carla has a friend she adores, and that my husband and I enjoy one another’s company.

Monday, February 17:

This was President’s Day in the US, so Carla had the day off from school, which meant I was able to sleep in again! I had a wonderful remote writing session with a dear friend, wrote a little, and admired the fluffy snowflakes that drifted endlessly from the sky. Then I went to pick Carla up from her friend’s house, where I ended up chatting with the friend’s mom for a whole hour. On our drive home, Carla and I went to the grocery store – she needed more Eggo waffles – and I was able to get my week’s shopping out of the way, and the total cost was under $200. My throat was feeling a little scratchy and the weather was snowy and cold, so I made a big pot of Mulligatawny soup for dinner. To counterbalance my very reasonable grocery bill, I bought a few pairs of shoes to try on (and will only keep one pair, I swear); we have a trip coming up and I expect rainy weather and want comfortable, cute, stylish, and/or waterproof shoes to wear while walking around outside. I am grateful for the community of parents I belong to, for feeling so happy to have my kiddo around after her short absence, for being able to buy new shoes, and for warm soup on a wintry day.

Tuesday, February 18:

I slept terribly, woke up feeling crummy, and ended up canceling my hair appointment and a meetup with a friend I haven’t seen in ages. My main successes of the day were driving my kid to school and then making a big pot of chipotle chicken tortilla soup (except I made it without the chicken – I added two cans of black beans and a cup or so of frozen corn to bulk it up a bit). My mom always says chicken soup is the best cure for a cold, and, while I don’t really like traditional chicken noodle soup, this spicy soup was tasty and comforting and lasted me all week. This day made me very grateful to my hairdresser for finding another hair appointment for me in a few weeks, despite her jam-packed schedule and to my husband for picking up our child from school so I didn’t have to make another hour’s drive.

This is a cheating photo from long ago, but it IS of the correct soup.

Wednesday, February 19:

I woke up feeling rotten for a second day in a row, but it was okay because my husband was able to take Carla to school! Then I had a remote writing session with my local writing partner and churned out 1,800 words, and received a fun impromptu phone call from my childhood best friend. My husband has been such a superstar about driving Carla to and from school when it works out lately (mainly because she has an after school activity that ends right when he’s usually able to leave work), and I am so grateful to him for understanding what a slog it is for me to drive two hours a day and offering to help when he can. I am also grateful to my brain for working even when my body feels like a rusty trash can, and to my writing friend for encouraging us to get together even though we couldn’t meet in person. I am extra grateful that my long distance friend and I are still so close.

Thursday, February 20:

I was feeling well enough to go outside and take a walk, and it was so wonderful to be outside with snowflakes cooling my face. I am so grateful that this illness was short-lived and that I live in such a beautiful place and that the temperatures are warm enough in my area for me to enjoy being outdoors. I am also grateful for Carla. I feel like I spend less and less time with her as she gets older, but this night we all ate dinner together and she urged us to make lists of Things to Do Before We Get a Cat and Things to Get for the Cat and then she made some google slides of potential cat names and it was so charming and adorable I ended up letting her stay up way past her bedtime. (If you have a cat, is there ONE ESSENTIAL THING that you are so glad you purchased for him/her?)

I am 95% certain that my parents’ cat required maybe five things on this list.

Friday, February 21:

After I dropped Carla off at school, I had another remote writing session with my local friend. (Even though I felt mostly better, I didn’t want to risk exposing her to my germs.) It wasn’t the most prolific writing day, but I did meet my daily word-count goal and, more important, I got some backstory that has been pre-occupying me out of my head and onto the page. Then I spent the rest of the day cleaning Carla’s craft room, closet, bedroom, and bathroom. This was difficult and frustrating for a lot of different reasons, the worst of which is that I kept feeling infuriated with Carla for being so messy and breaking the rules (the rule she has the most trouble with is no crafting outside of the craft room), and then immediately even more furious with myself because she is the kid and I am the parent and I should be more actively coaching her through how to keep her spaces clean instead of willingly allowing the mess to get out of control until it’s so overwhelming she can’t handle it herself. But: I am very grateful to my mom, who talked to me on the phone for more than an hour while I was cleaning, which distracted me from my anger and self-loathing and caught me up on what’s going on in her life. I am grateful that I made noticeable progress against the mess AND found my favorite sweatshirt, which has been missing for months. I am grateful that I was able to take a quick walk outside around five pm and release my frustration into the crisp winter air, and that it was still light enough for my walk, and that I conversed briefly with a robin who wanted to inform me spring is on the way (along with a new round of Attack Robin issues, I’m sure, but let’s not dwell on that when we’re busy being grateful). I am grateful that Carla had an after-school event that meant my husband and I could have another date night (second in a week!!!) (this time we went to an Indian restaurant and then went to Target and Home Depot) (we are experts at romance). I am also grateful that we now own four giant storage bins in which to store all of the toys cluttering up Carla’s space.

Trash/donations from the craft room declutter. That bear has seen some things.

My life is full of blessings, and I am very grateful for all of them, big and small, the unexpected gifts and those I normally take for granted.