parenting is hard

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Seven for Saturday

Elisabeth is leading a daily practice of gratitude with her F.I.G. Collective this month, and I have been collecting my own moments of gratitude. Sometimes well after the fact, which is less effective in sustaining gratitude day to day. But we work with what we have.

Saturday, February 15:

Well, this day is a total mystery to me. I did not keep track of the things I was grateful for in the moment, so I have no idea what we did during the day at all. I didn’t write. I didn’t go for a walk until around three. I’m pretty sure we made salmon burgers for dinner and then watched Mockingjay, but I couldn’t swear to it. My moments of gratitude on this day go to long walks outdoors (I at least have evidence I did that, even if I don’t remember it) and cozy evenings with my family.

Photo by Carla, who loves the snow as much as I do.

Sunday, February 16:

Carla’s sports lesson was cancelled this weekend, so we got to sleep in! Then I wrote 2,700 words in my manuscript while plodding away on the treadmill. THEN Carla got invited to an impromptu sleepover, so my husband and I had an evening all to ourselves. We browsed furniture stores, sampled perfumes until our heads ached, scrapped our restaurant dinner plans and brought pizza home instead, and then watched Longlegs together. I am so grateful for time to do the things that are important to me, that Carla has a friend she adores, and that my husband and I enjoy one another’s company.

Monday, February 17:

This was President’s Day in the US, so Carla had the day off from school, which meant I was able to sleep in again! I had a wonderful remote writing session with a dear friend, wrote a little, and admired the fluffy snowflakes that drifted endlessly from the sky. Then I went to pick Carla up from her friend’s house, where I ended up chatting with the friend’s mom for a whole hour. On our drive home, Carla and I went to the grocery store – she needed more Eggo waffles – and I was able to get my week’s shopping out of the way, and the total cost was under $200. My throat was feeling a little scratchy and the weather was snowy and cold, so I made a big pot of Mulligatawny soup for dinner. To counterbalance my very reasonable grocery bill, I bought a few pairs of shoes to try on (and will only keep one pair, I swear); we have a trip coming up and I expect rainy weather and want comfortable, cute, stylish, and/or waterproof shoes to wear while walking around outside. I am grateful for the community of parents I belong to, for feeling so happy to have my kiddo around after her short absence, for being able to buy new shoes, and for warm soup on a wintry day.

Tuesday, February 18:

I slept terribly, woke up feeling crummy, and ended up canceling my hair appointment and a meetup with a friend I haven’t seen in ages. My main successes of the day were driving my kid to school and then making a big pot of chipotle chicken tortilla soup (except I made it without the chicken – I added two cans of black beans and a cup or so of frozen corn to bulk it up a bit). My mom always says chicken soup is the best cure for a cold, and, while I don’t really like traditional chicken noodle soup, this spicy soup was tasty and comforting and lasted me all week. This day made me very grateful to my hairdresser for finding another hair appointment for me in a few weeks, despite her jam-packed schedule and to my husband for picking up our child from school so I didn’t have to make another hour’s drive.

This is a cheating photo from long ago, but it IS of the correct soup.

Wednesday, February 19:

I woke up feeling rotten for a second day in a row, but it was okay because my husband was able to take Carla to school! Then I had a remote writing session with my local writing partner and churned out 1,800 words, and received a fun impromptu phone call from my childhood best friend. My husband has been such a superstar about driving Carla to and from school when it works out lately (mainly because she has an after school activity that ends right when he’s usually able to leave work), and I am so grateful to him for understanding what a slog it is for me to drive two hours a day and offering to help when he can. I am also grateful to my brain for working even when my body feels like a rusty trash can, and to my writing friend for encouraging us to get together even though we couldn’t meet in person. I am extra grateful that my long distance friend and I are still so close.

Thursday, February 20:

I was feeling well enough to go outside and take a walk, and it was so wonderful to be outside with snowflakes cooling my face. I am so grateful that this illness was short-lived and that I live in such a beautiful place and that the temperatures are warm enough in my area for me to enjoy being outdoors. I am also grateful for Carla. I feel like I spend less and less time with her as she gets older, but this night we all ate dinner together and she urged us to make lists of Things to Do Before We Get a Cat and Things to Get for the Cat and then she made some google slides of potential cat names and it was so charming and adorable I ended up letting her stay up way past her bedtime. (If you have a cat, is there ONE ESSENTIAL THING that you are so glad you purchased for him/her?)

I am 95% certain that my parents’ cat required maybe five things on this list.

Friday, February 21:

After I dropped Carla off at school, I had another remote writing session with my local friend. (Even though I felt mostly better, I didn’t want to risk exposing her to my germs.) It wasn’t the most prolific writing day, but I did meet my daily word-count goal and, more important, I got some backstory that has been pre-occupying me out of my head and onto the page. Then I spent the rest of the day cleaning Carla’s craft room, closet, bedroom, and bathroom. This was difficult and frustrating for a lot of different reasons, the worst of which is that I kept feeling infuriated with Carla for being so messy and breaking the rules (the rule she has the most trouble with is no crafting outside of the craft room), and then immediately even more furious with myself because she is the kid and I am the parent and I should be more actively coaching her through how to keep her spaces clean instead of willingly allowing the mess to get out of control until it’s so overwhelming she can’t handle it herself. But: I am very grateful to my mom, who talked to me on the phone for more than an hour while I was cleaning, which distracted me from my anger and self-loathing and caught me up on what’s going on in her life. I am grateful that I made noticeable progress against the mess AND found my favorite sweatshirt, which has been missing for months. I am grateful that I was able to take a quick walk outside around five pm and release my frustration into the crisp winter air, and that it was still light enough for my walk, and that I conversed briefly with a robin who wanted to inform me spring is on the way (along with a new round of Attack Robin issues, I’m sure, but let’s not dwell on that when we’re busy being grateful). I am grateful that Carla had an after-school event that meant my husband and I could have another date night (second in a week!!!) (this time we went to an Indian restaurant and then went to Target and Home Depot) (we are experts at romance). I am also grateful that we now own four giant storage bins in which to store all of the toys cluttering up Carla’s space.

Trash/donations from the craft room declutter. That bear has seen some things.

My life is full of blessings, and I am very grateful for all of them, big and small, the unexpected gifts and those I normally take for granted.

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Seven for Saturday

If you need a little extra joy in your life, and/or a little help finding it in your day-to-day, Elisabeth is leading a daily practice of gratitude with her F.I.G. Collective this month. Sometimes, when friends or loved ones have said something along the lines of, “Buck up! You have so much to be grateful for!” or “Count your blessings!”, I’ve felt like doubling down on whatever bad mood has overcome me. Gratitude isn’t something you can force on others, or on yourself. So if you AREN’T into feeling grateful, there is no pressure from me (or from Elisabeth, honestly!). But I will say that reading about everyone else’s bright spots – from getting a bunch of green lights in a row to blogger meet ups to delicious dinners and birthday celebrations – has infused my days with some extra cheer. 

Anyway, it was so fun and bolstering to read everyone’s FIGs last week that I started this past week determined to capture as many moments of joy and gratitude as possible. I even made a list LAST SATURDAY with the idea that I would return daily to fill in all the wonderful moments as they happened. 

Well. I filled out Saturday’s list of things to be grateful for and then… forgot about FIGs until just now. This past week has been rough. It was a BUSY week, the kind of week I abhor, with lots of unpleasant commitments and appointments one right after another. And then, as I mentioned, it’s been tough from a parenting perspective, too. All that is to say that I’ve had to scrape down to the very bottom to find FIGs for the past week, and a lot of them involve food.

Saturday, February 8:

  • Perfect Balance: Today was the perfect balance of lounging around and getting stuff done. I got in a good writing session, I spent time with my husband and kid, I moved my body, I got to sit on the couch and read, I did a load of laundry, and I made a delicious homemade dinner.
  • Fabulous Flurries: I am not ready for winter to end quite yet, and we got a little skiff of snow today!
  • Cutest Kiddo: Carla was extra delightful and cheery. I could hear her talking to some sitcom she was watching on her iPad, saying, “Come on! Tell her! Tell her you love her!” 
  • Delicious Dishes: We made Birchie-Recommended chicken bowls with cilantro pesto, and they were so yummy. We also made mini flourless chocolate cakes for our Super Bowl “party” tomorrow with my parents.
These were not as good as I’d hoped, but still fun to make (and eat).

Sunday, February 9:

  • Super Snacks: My parents brought over an incredibly tasty appetizer for our Super Bowl “party”: thin-sliced beef tenderloin and Brie on top of sliced baguette, topped with red pepper jelly. I cannot stomach beef this rare, but my dad kindly “overcooked” part of the beef tenderloin just for me. Not pictured because I ate it all. 
  • Satisfying Showdown: I like football and it’s fun to root for a team whose success or failure has no effect on my/my husband’s mood. 
  • Family Togetherness: Spending time with my parents is really so wonderful. I love being able to relax and hang out with them.
  • Writing Win: Even though I thought I wouldn’t have time to write on a day when I was having people over, I managed to write 1700 words in my manuscript. 
The veggies were excellent too. I love me some crudite.

Monday, February 10:

  • Words on the Page: Managed to write nearly 2000 words today, let’s not focus on the fact that only 200 of them were part of my primary manuscript.
  • Boots on the Ground: Or, rather, sneakers on the treadmill. I did not get outside today due to excess ice, but I did plod away on the treadmill while typing. (I don’t see how I only walked 2.28 miles when the treadmill was set to 3 mph, but whatever, who’s counting.)

Tuesday, February 11:

  • Done and Done: This was a Work Day, with a three-hour meeting in the morning and an afternoon spent following up on tasks assigned in that meeting. I usually drag out the tasks for a few days, but today I tackled them all at once and Got ‘Er Done. Very satisfying and now I don’t have to think about it.
  • Treading Along: As you can see, I am really, really digging to find anything positive about this day, but I DID manage to do an hour plus on the treadmill (while completing the aforementioned tasks on my laptop). I was walking at 3 mpg, as per usual, although my watch disagreed. That’s okay because I KNOW THE TRUTH. 
Our orange wall makes me happy.

Wednesday, February 12:

  • Connection and Culture: My parents and I went to an art museum together! It was so fun to be with them and explore fascinating artworks. 
  • Ladies (and Dad) Who Lunch: After our arts-and-culture morning, my parents took me out to lunch. I don’t go out to lunch during the school week very often, and it always feels like the pinnacle of decadence. Then we ran into one of my friends at the end of our meal, which was also fun!
I adore Cubism. Perhaps that’s why my photos are always askew.

Thursday, February 13:

  • Sheet Pan Shawarma: This meal was literally the only good thing about today. 
  • Outdoor Time: Okay, I am putting this short outdoor walk here because I am glad I did it, even though a) I wasn’t planning on walking, but I mixed up Carla’s school pickup time and ended up having an extra 1.5 hours on my hands which is not enough time for me to drive home and do anything, and b) the wind was fierce and frigid, and c) the walking path was icy and I slipped and nearly fell multiple times. It wasn’t enjoyable or pretty, but I still spent time moving my body in nature dammit.
  • Phone a Friend: Okay, this is what happens when you work backwards from “this was the only good thing about today”: you find OTHER good things. (Thank you, Elisabeth, for making me feel obliged to find something, anything, to be thankful for.) Anyway, I had an extra hour in the car today (medication shortage, and the only pharmacy that had the medication was a 30-minute drive away from both my house and Carla’s school) and my best friend, whom I’d texted because I was crying in the doctor’s office parking lot – NOTHING IS WRONG, I SWEAR, IT WAS JUST A BAD DAY – and was embarrassed and the way I deal with embarrassment, as evidenced by this here blog, is to share it with a loved one in hopes they will commiserate or reassure or at the very least love me anyway, I have lost track of the punctuation in this sentence so let’s begin again: My best friend intuited that I was in the car and called me and made both my drive and my day much better (if temporarily).  
  • Co-Parenting Comfort: As I mentioned previously, I blubbered all over my husband about my bad day – which, I guiltily recognize, did not involve telling anyone they have cancer – and he was kind, and held me, and told me we would get through it, and made a plan with me to figure out a solution. 
Yummy yummy roasted veggies. And chicken, I did add some chicken tenders to the mix and they didn’t ruin anything.

Friday, February 14:

  • Taco Victory: I Frankensteined a recipe for beef birria tacos based on a bunch of recipes online and they were delicious. The consommé was extraordinarily flavorful and complex and spicy and rich. *Guy Fieri voice* I could eat that on a flip flop. 
  • Cheesecake Success: I made mini cheesecakes (but with gingersnaps for the crust instead of cardboard I mean graham crackers) and they were perfect in every way. 
  • Writing Loophole: I discovered that, even though I have written a measly THREE DAYS this week, instead of daily like I am committed to failing at doing, I have still managed to meet my goal of 800 words per day so far this month.
  • Kind Comments: Your comments on my parenting angst slash blowdryer dilemma were so lovely and warm and bolstering. Thank you.
Not too shabby for only having written half the days this month. Not that I should continue along in this vein of not writing every day omg.

A very ups-and-downs week. But there WERE ups, and I am grateful to Elisabeth for inspiring me to find those high points among the general preponderance of lows. 

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Nothing Says Valentine’s Day Like Shopping for New Hair Dryers

It has been an extremely challenging parenting week around here. Let me be clear: Carla is a fantastic kid and I love her with all my heart and feel so lucky to be her mom. And also, a lot of the time, I feel completely unfit to parent her. Yes, yes, I know – we’ve got the bases of food, shelter, and love covered, so we’re already ahead of the game. But I spend a lot of time, especially when things are tricky, feeling like I am doing her a grave disservice by being her primary source of guidance. (My husband is a wonderful father to whom parenting seems to come much more naturally/with less anxiety; he is just, by nature of his job, not with her as often as I am. And, much as I’d LOVE to, I can’t simply direct my child to wait for her father to come home to be parented, you know?) (Or CAN I?????)

My husband, after I’d leaked tears all over him immediately upon his arrival home from work yesterday, said kindly that he thinks every parent feels this way. I am pretty sure some of us (cough cough me) are simply inept. Developmentally appropriate challenges or not, I feel like I am flailing around without any idea how to help my kid.

Anyway, I am going to distract myself by turning to a problem I CAN solve, maybe, which is that I need a new hair dryer. 

My now-dead hair dryer was this medieval torture-looking device by Drybar  and I really liked it. It made my hair smoother and less frizzy than the standard Conair I use as a backup. I could operate it one-handed, which left my other hand free to turn the pages in my book or choose invariably wrong answers in my daily French lesson. I also think it tamed my wavy hair much better than a regular hair dryer, which always seems to leave a few ripples near the crown of my head. In fact, on days when my hair was being particularly accommodating, I didn’t even need to use a straightener.

When I bought it, I had never spent more than $50 on a hair dryer, and it seemed so ridiculously expensive. But now that I am considering a new hair dryer, I see that it is quite reasonable. In terms of pricey hair dryers, of course. I could just use AIR, which is FREE.

A very good friend of mine – and a person with what I consider to possess the platonic ideal hair – said that this combo straightener/dryer, while spendy, is worth every penny because it dries and straightens simultaneously, no need for a separate straightening device. I mean, if it would transform my hair into hers, I would buy it in a heartbeat. Like, a horrified, “am I really spending this much money on a hair dryer” arrhythmic heartbeat, but still. However, I suspect that no hair implement could ever perform that magic. Her hair is supernaturally beautiful.

If I’m going for brand name, there is the slightly less-expensive Dyson… but I have no idea what superpowers it claims and I feel too exhausted by, you know, everything, to look into it.

Drybar also has a straightening hair dryer, MUCH more reasonably priced than the Dyson.

Or maybe I just need a good ol’ Revlon dryer/brush combo for $37.

Of course, I could go in the complete other direction and get this $720 beauty that Sarah has heard great things about. 

What are you using to dry your hair?