Birthday

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Yet Again Overthinking My Kid’s Birthday Party

“I don’t think we need a theme this year, do we?”

So mused my husband, when he and I were discussing plans for our daughter’s thirteenth birthday party. This is one of those times when I wonder if he’s ever met me. Do we know each other? Of course we need a theme. I love a theme. A theme is a balm to my control enthusiast soul. I have no power over whether people attend a party, or like the food, or enjoy themselves, but I can fucking well ensure that the décor et al revolves around a central motif.

I think I’ve already told you that my daughter expressed enthusiasm for a 90s theme. Which I suggested because her party will involve two of the nineties-est things I can think of: roller skating and a slumber party.

(Yes, yes, I know. Once again, despite my many, many qualms about sleepovers, I have caved to my daughter’s desire for a slumber party. I have no justification for this behavior.)

My recompense is that I get to lean fully into the 90s theme.

Ambiance

I think we will go super simple with the décor, and get a complete set of party supplies. Maybe do some little 90s-themed hanging swirls.

Carla is working on a 90s playlist. I am impressed by her existing repertoire of 90s music! She already knows songs from the Spice Girls, No Doubt, The Offspring, Smash Mouth, and Alanis Morissette, and there are so many fun songs we can add to the mix.

Party Favors

Kids of Carla’s age may be, I suspect, Over It when it comes to gift bags. My preference has usually been to get a single item that we give away to each partygoer – like a book or an anklet or a beach towel. I think there’s a higher chance they will use those things, while a bunch of cheap plastic stuff will end up in the garbage or cluttering up the kids’ houses (and annoying their parents).

This year, I have allowed nostalgia to override my better judgement. Carla found these delightfully tacky boombox favor boxes, and we are going to fill them with an assortment of things I remember fondly from my childhood: mini troll dolls, Koosh balls, jelly bracelets, Warheads, and ring pops.  Carla also wanted to include these key rings, and why not.

My husband suggested getting every kid a Beanie Baby, which is a super fun idea. I let that plan fizzle when I realized I would have to get everyone the exact same Beanie Baby, or figure out which specific variety of Beanie Baby to get and instantly felt overwhelmed. Plus, the ones being sold today are different from the ones we had in the 90s… and I didn’t want to deal with finding “authentic/vintage” versions.

Food

Dinner will be pizza. Carla has requested lemon meringues, with cupcakes for people who don’t like meringues. (I found these darling on-theme cupcake wrappers and toppers.)

I do think that we’ll need some additional food. Listen. I could 100% buy a few bags of chips and some candy and popcorn and let the kids have at it. Probably that is what I will do.

But my let’s-make-things-more-complicated heart wants to – you guessed it – make things more complicated. This mainly derives from my feeling that cheese pizza is not an adequate dinner for a growing child. Did I eat cheese pizza at many a birthday party, let alone for many Friday night dinners, as a kid? Oh yes, so many times. Do I have any qualms whatsoever when my kid goes to a birthday party and the dinner is pizza? Not at all. Is the only reason I can’t say the same for many, many meals as an adult ONLY because I no longer eat plain cheese pizza and prefer pizza to include pepperoni? Very much yes.

Still. Allow me to fantasize about my ideal slumber party menu, okay? And we’ll agree that this won’t happen in real life, and I will lean in to the chips and popcorn thing.

My (fantasy) criteria are: 1) is something Carla likes, 2) includes protein, 3) probably won’t stain my couch/carpet, 4) is cute and/or fun, 5) is nut and dairy free.

Here are the things that fit those criteria:

If I didn’t feel quite as bad about over-sugaring the kids / wasn’t worried about ruining my furniture/house / had attendees who could all eat dairy, I would totally do a hot chocolate bar and some s’mores dip and maybe some sheet pan nachos.

We will also be feeding these teens breakfast. Breakfast is not my area of expertise, so my vote is for donuts. Why, yes, that does directly contradict all my high-and-mighty posturing about “cheese pizza not being good enough.” So perhaps we should make sheet pan pancakes and some scrambled eggs with a side of fruit instead.

Entertainment

While I am still thinking wistfully about the idea of a Taskmaster party, I have resigned myself to reserving that for a future date. After all, the kids will get to roller skate and then (hopefully, weather permitting) swim, and they can always watch movies. Nonetheless, I am of course stressing about how to keep these teens entertained while in my home. I would love to have a few ideas in my pocket, just in case they get bored. I think we can all agree: bored teens pose a danger to themselves and others.

Carla specifically wants to play a game called either “pass the parcel” or “saran ball game.” My understanding of this game is that we choose a variety of tiny prizes (lip balms, stickers, scrunchies, candy) and wrap each prize in a bunch of saran wrap. Then each kid has a set amount of time to free a prize without ripping the saran wrap before passing the parcel to the next kid. The big challenge, I think, will be choosing prizes that are simultaneously fun enough to keep the kids occupied, silly enough that someone who doesn’t get a prize doesn’t feel too upset, and inexpensive enough that I don’t need to resort to selling feet pictures to pay for the party. In the “pass the parcel” version of this game, or so Carla informs me, there is a Big Prize in the very center of the layers of wrapping; she does not want that, because it feels unfair. But it also seems as though there’s no guarantee that a person will get a prize during their turn anyway, so I’m not sure how “fair” the game is. In any case, it might be fun to have a couple of slightly higher-end prizes in the sticker/scrunchie mix – perhaps a World’s Smallest Care Bear or Slinky??? Or maybe a gift card to an ice cream shop or Five Below?

I also think that having a photo scavenger hunt could be potentially fun. (This is a leftover from my Taskmaster fantasizing.)  But maybe that can be a spur-of-the-moment option that I can offer if the kids are bored by everything else. Don’t worry; I will overthink it into oblivion just in case.

As I mentioned earlier, movies are a great, classic option for keeping the kids busy, too. I do tend to fret about WHICH movies they will want to watch. Carla’s friends occupy both ends of the “I’ve seen everything up and including Squid Games” and “I still mainly watch Disney movies” spectrum, so I feel a little uneasy about leaving the choice to them. Carla and I had a little chat about it, and she thinks that she can guide the options a bit, so that no one is going to be forced into watching, like, Midsommar or, I don’t know, Eyes Wide Shut.

Since I am, as stated, obsessed with a theme, I of course would vote for 90s classics. Clueless and Don’t Tell Mom the Babysitter’s Dead and Ace Ventura: Pet Detective. Of course, most of the 90s classics I think of as fun and harmless have aged poorly, I’m looking at you Austin Powers.

Here is the point at which you kindly, gently overlook my latest birthday party related bout of insanity, and instead tell me:

  • What are the best slumber party foods?
  • Which 90s songs MUST go on the playlist?
  • Which 90s movies MUST the teens watch?
  • What are the best slumber party games?
  • What am I forgetting, besides the undeniable fact that the teens will do whatever they want and I really have no say at all?
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Wednesday Randomosity: Various Small Updates and Summer Shopping Edition

My darling cat is OBSESSED with going outside. At least, I think that is the reason he now meows at me all the time. Even though taking him outside makes some people extremely nervous (Hi Mom! I love you!), I persist for two reasons: 1. I want him to be familiar enough with “outside” to know where his house is, if he ever gets outside by accident, and to feel like he is not in a completely alien environment, and 2. I am in constant search of “enrichment” opportunities for him, and being outside is a great way to tire him out.

He wears a harness and I hold tightly to it at all times. His top favorite outdoor activities are rolling luxuriously on the pavers, watching birds, sniffing the air, and trying to eat various grasses and leaves that I’m SURE are poisonous. (I do not allow him to do this last thing, in case you were worried.)

Guess what? The GRILL IS GONE!!!!! I paid a junk removal company to remove it, along with some other junk we had lying around, and they removed all the junk and I feel so light and free! Worth every penny.

In other outdoor updates, my mystery plant is beginning to flower. Lauren says it is probably a phlox, and I would trust Lauren with my life in a plant-related situation (quite possibly in several other situations as well, which feels like a weird thing to say about a person I know solely through the internet, but here we are), and I am super eager for the flowers to bloom so we can know for sure.

Meandering along with more plant talk, I have serious flower envy. I feel like my flowers bloom later and with less abundance than my neighbors’ flowers, and I want to know their secrets. One of my neighbors has several hydrangeas in front of her house and they are in full, glorious bloom, while mine are barely eking out a blossom here and there. Surely there is something I could do, involving fertilizer or plant food or gentle lullabies, but I am reluctant to mess with plants that are at least growing. My lavender is looking lush and gorgeous, and my astilbe is flourishing this year like never before, and my magnolia tree is putting out gorgeous and fragrant flowers, so I should probably stop complaining.

You know what else is flowering? Yes, I am still talking about plants. The three zucchini plants I grew from seed. And yet, they are only producing male flowers! WTF?!

Okay, one more plant topic, which is that I immediately bought the grow lights that Kate recommended for my indoor plants and I am excited to set them up and see if they have any effect on my light-starved little friends. (The lights are on sale for Prime Day, and I will note that the sale is for $55.97, down from $79.95, and I paid $63.96 for them last week.)

Oh, I lied. I have ANOTHER plant update, which is that I went searching for replacement palms and ended up coming home with two giant ferns.

Let’s stay outside for a second and talk about summer essentials. Even though I know all the reasons to avoid Amazon, I do find it convenient and cost-effective enough to continue using it. Especially when the other options are so much less convenient and/or more expensive and/or don’t have the things I need. I feel guilty about this; I continue to search for ways to reduce my reliance on Amazon; and I still use it. Anyway. Prime Day is this week and so I’m taking the opportunity to load up on some summer essentials. Refills for my Thermacell mosquito repellent are at the top of the list. (By the way, if you don’t have one yet, it is on sale for $19.79; I got it for my parents last summer for $32.99. I love this thing so much because it works. It’s an excellent housewarming or hostess gift for people who spend a lot of time outdoors.) Another summer essential is my favorite moisturizing face serum with SPF. It is SO GOOD. I wear it daily. My favorite summer drink these days is a half-and-half mixture of grapefruit sparkling water and Trader Joe’s jalapeno limeade. SO GOOD.

Of course, as I’m adding bug repellent and sun repellent to my online cart, I am also perusing some of the things I’ve been dithering over for a long time. Namely, solar fence lights and some floating pool lights.

As you can tell, I am an excellent consumer. My husband said the other day that sometimes it feels like all we do is spend money. Does it feel that way to anyone else? Because it DOES feel that way. In part, there was some frenzy of last minute purchases to prepare Carla for camp. And then there was some Father’s Day gift buying. And then some gifts for Carla’s upcoming birthday. Plant stuff. Food and litter for the cat. Groceries. Birthday gifts for a friend, baby gifts for my housecleaner, new home gifts for my friend who just bought her first house. Prescriptions. Gas. And that’s just STUFF stuff, not bigger picture things like utilities and travel plans and, like, insurance. I am grateful to be able to buy the things we need. I am mindful that it feels like A Lot, and my husband and I are looking for ways to cut back.

Speaking of spending money AND of Carla’s birthday: We are having a skating party at the roller rink followed by a slumber party at our house. I think Carla is into the idea of a 90s theme for her party, which I am extremely delighted to get behind. I am imagining party favor bags full of Koosh balls and slap bracelets and tiny troll dolls and hours of playing Light As a Feather, Stiff As a Board.

Something else that has been on my mind, totally unrelated to anything else, is Class Dynamics. Specifically, when the teacher goes around the class and expects each person to make a comment on whatever it is you’re studying that week. I hate that. First of all, there’s the part where I have to speak, out loud, to other people. Even if I have thoughts on the subject at hand, there’s a good chance those thoughts will get garbled on the way out, and/or I’ll talk too fast, and/or I’ll jump around incoherently, and/or I’ll say something that doesn’t sound out loud the way it does in my head, and/or I’ll try to be funny and it will not make sense. Secondly, I hate speaking first, because there’s so much pressure on that and also it feels like being a goody two shoes… but I also hate speaking after other people have gone, because by then my exact points will for sure have been stated, in a clearer and more interesting way. And I cannot think on my feet; no way, if I know that we’ll be going around the room, I will have prepared my response WELL in advance. Thirdly, I hate it when the instructor either doesn’t respond to your comment, or responds with something like “thank you” or “okay” when it seems like she responds to everyone else with “good point” or “I was thinking the exact same thing.” Fourthly, I hate “going round the room” in general, because there’s no connectivity! The whole point is to say something different from everyone else, and so you’re not having a conversation, you’re giving a presentation, and I hate that.

See, this is why I distract myself with plants and purchases. Because dealing with other humans is TOO FRAUGHT.

Lest we end on such a weird an anxious note, let us turn our gaze once more to my cat. Carla’s new pajamas (birthday gift) arrived the other day and I opened the box on the counter and Lenny was CERTAIN I was doing something Extremely Interesting that he didn’t want to miss. Sure enough, I had revealed a perfect resting spot.

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Deep Into Birthday Party Planning

We are doing a sleepover for Carla’s birthday this year. After all of my fretting over the guest list, we settled on a compromise: inviting a slightly larger number of people than I’m comfortable with, including the kids who’d invited Carla to their parties, and giving people the option to choose whether they are staying overnight or not. (So far, it’s about half and half.) I feel good about this; Carla seems to feel good about this. I am resigned to not sleeping, or at least sleeping very poorly. The one thing I have left to figure out is if and how and when to clarify that this is a no-screens party. (By “no screens” I mean nothing besides the basement TV and sanctioned Disney/Netflix movies.) 

On the “if” side, I am leaning pretty heavily toward yes. There are so many things for kids to do that don’t involve screens, and yet we allllllll get pulled into our phones. Even those of us with fully formed frontal cortexes (cortices?). Judgment is not great among many pre-teens, my kid included, and whatever modicum of judgment does exist seems to fall asleep around ten pm even if the kid remains awake, and also group judgment is always less than the sum of its parts. I’ve read too many horror stories and cautionary tales and heard too many warnings from other parents and therapists to feel comfortable with letting a smartphone run wild in my house overnight. I do realize this is controversial. If your kid has a smartphone, it’s likely in part because you feel like your kid is mature enough to manage a smartphone. And yet… when there’s a group of kids, it seems all too easy for group chats or TikTok scrolling to come into play and making poor choices is so very easy when you are twelve and surrounded by giggling overtired twelve year-olds.  

So: No screens. How and when do I share this information? I feel like it’s important to do so up front; some parents whose kids have cellphones expect the phones to be available if they need to contact them. But there may also be value in simply saying to the kids as they come in, “Please stow your cellphones here for the rest of the party. If you need to contact your parents for any reason, let me know and I’ll make your phone available for you to call them in private.” If I tell parents up front, maybe they wouldn’t even send their kid with a phone. And if I tell kids on the spot, they might simply pretend they don’t have a phone on them. If you’ve had experience with this, on either side of the phone-haver/phone-confiscater side, I’d love to hear your thoughts. 

Why am I hosting a sleepover party again?????

Let’s fret about more frivolous aspects of the party planning.

Theme and Decor

Carla requested a water theme for her party this year. Finding décor and coming up with favor ideas was slightly tricky (do I give everyone a water bottle in a favor bag? a LifeStraw? is everything just… blue?) so I went back to her and she conceded to including some delicate nods to “ocean” and even “beach” if necessary. Much easier. (Although last year’s theme was Beach, so we don’t want to replicate it too completely.)

I found some ocean-water themed plates/cups/tablecloths and matching goodie bags. For favors, I’ll give the kids each a little seashell bracelet and this mini starfish “hug.” Maybe some seashell stickers, too. 

Cake

Carla requested multi-colored vanilla cupcakes with cream cheese buttercream. She and I settled on this inspiration for the decoration and I ordered some edible seashells to put on top. Although I’m sure I can find a way to screw them up, they seem relatively simple.

Treasure Hunt (Again)

Last year, I made an epic treasure hunt for the birthday party. It was a ton of work but it was a lot of fun, and Carla has asked if I’ll do another one this year. Spend hours on a project that will be appreciated by fewer than ten people for approximately thirty minutes if I’m lucky? SURE. 

I’m all set on the clues for things inside the house, but I’m trying to come up with some outdoor clues. (My goal is to make the kids go up and down the stairs a million times, and run around the neighborhood a million times, in order to tire them out so they SLEEP.) I may even ask a neighbor or two if I can put a clue in their mailboxes. Ideas are WELCOME. Although if your idea is to look online, I have already done that; the pickins’ are slim.

I’m also looking for ideas for the prize. Last year, based on feedback from my lovely and brilliant commenters, the prize was $5 Starbucks gift cards. (There were three teams, but the teams all had to work together to solve the final puzzle and find the prize.) This year, I would like to switch it up but also keep it to $5 or under. For marital harmony. 

Okay, after searching the internet, I feel like a gift card is the way to go. If I don’t do Starbucks, what should I do? Local ice cream place? Local donut shop? Claire’s? Five bucks doesn’t go very far at many places. 

Logistics

Is this all I’m fretting about? Well, I am fretting quite a bit about logistics: cupcake baking and decorating, decorating decorating, driving Carla to and from camp, getting home in time for guests to arrive, somehow getting the fast food Carla requested to our house, accomplishing treasure hunt, eating, swimming, and movie in a relatively short period of time, getting children to SLEEP, and then getting these same non-sleeping children AWAKE and through breakfast in time for their parents to pick them up. Well. It’s best not to think too hard about SOME things, lest one finds oneself hyperventilating into a sock whilst curled into the fetal position under a bed.