Frivolous Things

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Vanity Project(s)

I have a dressy event tomorrow, and I’ve been spending way too much time and money planning for it. It’s not like anyone cares what I look like, I realize this. And yet I still have been spending way too much time and money. Partly, the What to Wear frenzy is a manifestation of social anxiety; if only I wear the perfect dress and have the perfect hair and find the perfect accessories, I will not feel nervous or awkward! Conversation will flow effortlessly and I will not end up casting about for non-boring topics while the silence drags on interminably! I will say the exact right thing and speak neither too much nor too little and know intuitively just how much eye contact is enough! People will think I am charming and friendly instead of weird and gawky! Partly, I have lost a little weight this year, and none of my dressy clothes fit. Although I never have dressy clothes that fit, it seems like. Somehow, I nonetheless have a closet full of dresses.

My new dress is navy and I love it. It’s ankle length and it’s more body hugging than I usually wear. That makes it sound like it’s tight, which it most definitely is not. It’s just not the A-line/fit-and-flare silhouette I always gravitate toward. I originally wanted to go with gold accessories, but I tried on some gold jewelry with it and the combination read very old. Not sure if it was the gold and navy combo (doubtful; gold and navy together seem classic and chic), or the fact that the dress has kind of high-ish neckline, or if it was the combo on me, but it was not good. Silver, somehow, looked MUCH better. Younger. Fresher. Let’s be frank: I can use all the youth additive factors that I can get.

When I chose the dress and discovered that silver looked better than gold, I cheered myself with the fact that I already own silver shoes. Shoes with heels that are, alas, much too high and spindly for my post plantar fasciitis feet. I ended up buying new silver shoes with a kitten heel that make me feel much more secure. I also bought a silver clutch; I have been wanting an evening bag for years. Every time I go to a dressy occasion, I lament my lack of evening bags. Now I have one. Of course, now that I own the heels and the bag, I am realizing that I should have skipped the silver and gone with burgundy. Oh well. Too late now. Maybe I will have another occasion to wear this dress and I can seek out burgundy accessories for that. Maybe I will also have time to become the type of person who feels comfortable buying this evening bag, which I want quite badly without wanting in any way to pay the asking price. In the meantime, I am placating myself with some burgundy nail polish.

I realized last weekend that my hair needs a touch up. Seems like I need to color it more and more frequently these days, which is spendy. Usually, I get the updates done at a salon. It’s not that I can’t, technically, color my own hair; I gamely dyed my own hair during the pandemic, but I hated it so very much. The whole process is messy and I suck at applying the color and my hair always winds up with uneven darker chunks because I suck at it. Plus, it’s not like the at-home dye kit is FREE. If I’m going to pay for hair dye, I would rather also pay someone to apply it for me. Literally the only thing I enjoyed about coloring my own hair was the little envelope of conditioner that came with the dye kit. It made my hair SO soft.

Anyway, since my next hair appointment is not until after the dressy event, I purchased a touch-up kit with plans to cover my greys. Alas, I have been at Sports or School Things every night and with various service people or houseguests every day, so I have not managed to cover a damn thing. I have a few spare minutes this afternoon, and I floated the idea of coloring my hair today past my husband. In the kindest way possible, he said, “Absolutely not.” I mean… I suppose going with known grey roots is preferable to dealing with the potentially horrifying results of a last-minute dye job. The smart thing to do is return the kit and get my money back. But… I do love the conditioner.

Speaking of hair dye: Carla has been making some wistful comments recently about highlighting her hair. A bunch of her friends have gotten highlights, and it does look lovely. Unfortunately for Carla, I am a Mean Mom and I refuse to pay for her to color her hair. (See also: Starbucks and a cell phone.) First of all, she has gorgeous dark blonde hair with natural highlights. Second of all, highlights seem like they require intervention from an Experienced Hair Stylist, for which a) Carla has no time and b) I don’t want to pay. Third, as I know from experience, once you start dying it is very, very hard to stop. Seems like the perfect thing she can save up for.

While we’re on the topic of hair, I need all your Anti-Frizz advice please. I have developed a pretty effective regimen, involving three separate hair products and drying/straightening my hair with the ridiculously expensive tool my husband got me a few years ago. I have not achieved the glass hair of my dreams, but I’m mostly happy with it. Still, sometimes the humidity overrides the products.

Carla, unfortunately, does not have the time to straighten her hair. And she has not had the same luck with the products. (To be fair, this may be, how can I say this tactfully?, user error and not the fault of the products.)

What do you use to tame the frizz????

Oh! I have a hair related recommendation! I suspect this handy little tool is probably one of those things that y’all have been using already; I am often late to the trends party. My daughter got one for her birthday on the recommendation of a friend and I recently tried it on my own hair and I looooovvvvveeee it. I do worry that my hair will get caught and I’ll have to cut my way out of the damn thing, but it doesn’t seem to be possible. I have definitely gotten a little tangled (due to hubris; I tried to put more hair into the slot than could possibly fit), and extraction was simple, with no damage or hair loss.

I used to curl my hair every day, for many, many years. This tool makes the whole process leaps and bounds simpler, and the results are fabulous, AND there’s a little button that allows you to curl in opposite directions, so that all curls go away from or toward your face – an effect I was never able to achieve with a curling iron for reasons I still don’t understand. Because I like it so much, and because Carla does not love the idea of me keeping it in MY bathroom, I think I need to get a separate one for myself.

I think I’ll curl my hair for the dressy event.

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Wordy Wednesday Wandering

June was a whirlwind, wasn’t it? I am still trying to wrap my mind around how it can possibly be July already. The past few days alone included: picking up my child from sleepaway camp, observing a belated Father’s Day with my husband, buying a new car, getting a new air conditioner installed, and celebrating my daughter’s birthday. For those of you who have been around since I was on the fence about having kids: THE KID IS NOW THIRTEEN.

I could only find the “birthday” portion of the “happy birthday” banner, which I think it more of an indication of my current level of discombobulation than lack of delight at my kiddo becoming a teenager.

I have been doing SO MUCH laundry, and there is stuff (camp stuff, gift detritus, air conditioner replacement debris) everywhere, and I cannot stay on top of the mess.

This looks much neater and tidier than it FEELS. It FEELS like being slowly suffocated on all sides by Stuff.

(Alert, alert: Lisa and Nicole, you may want to skip the next two paragraphs and the photo between them.)

The air conditioner replacement was a fun surprise. I scheduled a simple clean-and-check with my HVAC company, and the technician discovered that all the wiring had been devastated by mice. In fact, the only thing that was preventing the wires from being exposed completely was a giant mouse nest. I think you know how I feel about this, which is burn it all down.

How can something so small and kind of cute be so destructive?!?!

We’d already spent a pretty penny to deal with previous mouse-related air conditioning carnage, back in April of 2024, and it was one of those deals where we could shell out a bunch of money to repair the old unit, which could of course die at any moment and has already proved much too welcoming to rodents… or shell out more money for a new, slightly-more-mouse-resistant unit. Considering this week is in the 90s (30s C), we went with the latter option.

The air conditioner is not doing a whole lot for the top floor yet. Carla slept with her camp fan clipped to her bedframe last night. It really does a great job of cooling. (We got it for camp because it is one of the few options that requires only batteries, and not some sort of USB charger to keep it powered on.) Several of the stores we’ve been to recently have been selling fans, which makes me feel like I need more fans. But Carla and I plan to spend as much time in or near the pool as possible, as a heat-beating measure. She has a new turtle pool float and I have pool hammocks to lounge in and copious amounts of sunscreen.

REAL FEEL ONE-OH-FIVE. No thank you.

I have been exploring all the delicious options for hot-weather meals that involve no cooking whatsoever; we had chickpea salad sandwiches last night, on homemade sourdough bread that my husband’s colleague sent home with him. I am planning on making a cold noodle salad later this week, or a Mediterranean platter, or possibly another round of sandwiches, this time with this version of chickpea salad.

Interrupting my husband’s day seeing patients with really crucial discussions.

Carla and I spent the afternoon of her birthday shopping, which was delightful and exhausting. She wanted to go into every tchotchke / novelty items boutique within a ten mile radius. Our adventure included Five Below, Home Goods, Michaels, Hobby Lobby, Target, and the Dollar Store. We also went to Pet Smart, to look at the kitties.

During our expedition, we passed a new international foods store and had to check it out. They had a variety of snacks and treats from different countries. I snagged a bag of coriander flavored Doritos which are my new favorite thing. They taste just like cilantro and are SO GOOD.

Yummmmmm.

Carla was more interested to learn that this store sold squishies and fidgets that are currently all the rage. She persuaded her father to buy her a NeeDoh Fuzz Ball, but then when we got home, she noticed that it doesn’t have the NeeDoh logo on it. We got squishy scammed, y’all. My thought is that this store had no idea they were selling counterfeit NeeDohs, and so I am hoping we can go back and inform them about the problem, maybe get our money back, and definitely get some more coriander chips.  

If you live in the U.S., are you celebrating Independence Day? I dislike this holiday because of the fireworks. They are loud and dangerous and it seems like a lot of people take the expansive view that the entire month of July is for setting off firecrackers in their yards at all hours of the day and night. I get very Grumpy Old Lady about the whole thing, and my husband and I typically prefer to spend the holiday holed up in our basement, grumbling about our neighbors (him) and fretting that a rogue firework will set our home ablaze (me). (Last year, we woke up on July 5 to find our driveway littered with spent firework shells.)

Art by Sina Simburger, @sin.xline

My in laws sent my whole family holiday apparel. This was a very kind gesture, and 250 years is a momentous anniversary. For all its flaws, I love my country. We have freedoms and opportunities here that I try not to take for granted. It is exciting and remarkable that we have reached this semiquincentennial milestone. And… I kind of feel that expressing any kind of patriotism gives an inaccurate impression of my beliefs and politics. I’ve driven past a lot of houses over the past month or so that have cheerful American flag bunting on their fences, or little American flags planted in their yards, or patriotic signs trumpeting their enthusiasm for the anniversary, and part of me feels a little lift of festive joy… and another part of me feels like I have an immediate – and quite possibly biased and wrong! – insight into what kind of people they might be and what kind of beliefs they may hold. UGH. By the way: I am not saying that people more conservative than I am are “bad;” I know many people across the political spectrum who are good, kind, loving people… who simply have different views on some topics than I do. I don’t know. It’s kind of unfair, is what I’m saying, that a symbol of unity should instead carry with it the weight of judgment. As usual, I am not the first or the most articulate person to note this; but it’s particularly noteworthy to me as we inch closer to the Fourth of July.

Let’s turn to a less controversial topic, which is my cat. Poor Lenny was shut away in my room for SIX HOURS while the new air conditioner was being installed, because the HVAC people kept going in and out of the house. He bore the injustice of his imprisonment with dignity. But he did develop a winky eye, which of course made me worry that he had something seriously wrong with him. Carla and I took multiple videos and photos of him, and examined his winky eye in various lights from various angles. I envisioned eye drop prescriptions and Rachel Green-style interactions and surgical intervention and loss of the eye. I called the vet and asked their opinion; their opinion is always “bring him in.” I scheduled the first available appointment, forgetting that there were five (5) strangers meandering in and out of my house for the foreseeable future. I called the vet back and got a later appointment. I fretted as the appointment approached because the HVAC people were STILL THERE. Finally, with about forty minutes to spare, the HVAC people left. I released the cat from my room so he could use the litter box. When he reappeared, his winky eye had resolved completely.

I had texted my husband earlier in the day to alert him to the cat’s almost certain blindness. His response was “Maybe an eggshell.” This requires some backstory, which is that my husband’s colleague sent him home with some fresh eggs the other day, from her chickens. She’d packaged the eggs in a little clear egg carton and had included some instructions with them that said they should be stored on the counter. Well. Lenny was obsessed with the eggs. He must have been able to smell chicken on them? He didn’t bother them until there were only two left. At which point, I came home from Carla’s birthday shopping extravaganza to find the carton overturned on the floor, one egg completely unharmed, and the other broken. I cleaned everything up, returned the surviving egg to the carton, and put a package of insect repellent refills on top of it to make it more difficult to bat off the counter. Not difficult enough, it turns out. The next morning, we came into the kitchen to find the eggshell I’d rinsed and left on the counter to dry once again on the floor, the makeshift carton weight on the counter, and the egg carton on the floor. The remaining egg was still intact. Hence my husband’s assumption that eggshell was the source of Lenny’s winky eye.

Screenshot

I made crème brûlée for Carla’s birthday dessert, per her request. The recipe called for five egg yolks, and I saved the shells because I read that they can deter slugs. Which I think are destroying both my coleus plants and one of my hydrangea trees. I love how pretty the eggshells are, or were before I baked them and crushed them. I hope they help my coleus plants! This is the third year I’ve planted coleus in the same location, and the first time that I’ve had an issue.

What’s up with you this Wednesday? How hot is it where you are? What are you making to eat when you don’t want to turn on the oven?

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Wednesday Randomosity: Various Small Updates and Summer Shopping Edition

My darling cat is OBSESSED with going outside. At least, I think that is the reason he now meows at me all the time. Even though taking him outside makes some people extremely nervous (Hi Mom! I love you!), I persist for two reasons: 1. I want him to be familiar enough with “outside” to know where his house is, if he ever gets outside by accident, and to feel like he is not in a completely alien environment, and 2. I am in constant search of “enrichment” opportunities for him, and being outside is a great way to tire him out.

He wears a harness and I hold tightly to it at all times. His top favorite outdoor activities are rolling luxuriously on the pavers, watching birds, sniffing the air, and trying to eat various grasses and leaves that I’m SURE are poisonous. (I do not allow him to do this last thing, in case you were worried.)

Guess what? The GRILL IS GONE!!!!! I paid a junk removal company to remove it, along with some other junk we had lying around, and they removed all the junk and I feel so light and free! Worth every penny.

In other outdoor updates, my mystery plant is beginning to flower. Lauren says it is probably a phlox, and I would trust Lauren with my life in a plant-related situation (quite possibly in several other situations as well, which feels like a weird thing to say about a person I know solely through the internet, but here we are), and I am super eager for the flowers to bloom so we can know for sure.

Meandering along with more plant talk, I have serious flower envy. I feel like my flowers bloom later and with less abundance than my neighbors’ flowers, and I want to know their secrets. One of my neighbors has several hydrangeas in front of her house and they are in full, glorious bloom, while mine are barely eking out a blossom here and there. Surely there is something I could do, involving fertilizer or plant food or gentle lullabies, but I am reluctant to mess with plants that are at least growing. My lavender is looking lush and gorgeous, and my astilbe is flourishing this year like never before, and my magnolia tree is putting out gorgeous and fragrant flowers, so I should probably stop complaining.

You know what else is flowering? Yes, I am still talking about plants. The three zucchini plants I grew from seed. And yet, they are only producing male flowers! WTF?!

Okay, one more plant topic, which is that I immediately bought the grow lights that Kate recommended for my indoor plants and I am excited to set them up and see if they have any effect on my light-starved little friends. (The lights are on sale for Prime Day, and I will note that the sale is for $55.97, down from $79.95, and I paid $63.96 for them last week.)

Oh, I lied. I have ANOTHER plant update, which is that I went searching for replacement palms and ended up coming home with two giant ferns.

Let’s stay outside for a second and talk about summer essentials. Even though I know all the reasons to avoid Amazon, I do find it convenient and cost-effective enough to continue using it. Especially when the other options are so much less convenient and/or more expensive and/or don’t have the things I need. I feel guilty about this; I continue to search for ways to reduce my reliance on Amazon; and I still use it. Anyway. Prime Day is this week and so I’m taking the opportunity to load up on some summer essentials. Refills for my Thermacell mosquito repellent are at the top of the list. (By the way, if you don’t have one yet, it is on sale for $19.79; I got it for my parents last summer for $32.99. I love this thing so much because it works. It’s an excellent housewarming or hostess gift for people who spend a lot of time outdoors.) Another summer essential is my favorite moisturizing face serum with SPF. It is SO GOOD. I wear it daily. My favorite summer drink these days is a half-and-half mixture of grapefruit sparkling water and Trader Joe’s jalapeno limeade. SO GOOD.

Of course, as I’m adding bug repellent and sun repellent to my online cart, I am also perusing some of the things I’ve been dithering over for a long time. Namely, solar fence lights and some floating pool lights.

As you can tell, I am an excellent consumer. My husband said the other day that sometimes it feels like all we do is spend money. Does it feel that way to anyone else? Because it DOES feel that way. In part, there was some frenzy of last minute purchases to prepare Carla for camp. And then there was some Father’s Day gift buying. And then some gifts for Carla’s upcoming birthday. Plant stuff. Food and litter for the cat. Groceries. Birthday gifts for a friend, baby gifts for my housecleaner, new home gifts for my friend who just bought her first house. Prescriptions. Gas. And that’s just STUFF stuff, not bigger picture things like utilities and travel plans and, like, insurance. I am grateful to be able to buy the things we need. I am mindful that it feels like A Lot, and my husband and I are looking for ways to cut back.

Speaking of spending money AND of Carla’s birthday: We are having a skating party at the roller rink followed by a slumber party at our house. I think Carla is into the idea of a 90s theme for her party, which I am extremely delighted to get behind. I am imagining party favor bags full of Koosh balls and slap bracelets and tiny troll dolls and hours of playing Light As a Feather, Stiff As a Board.

Something else that has been on my mind, totally unrelated to anything else, is Class Dynamics. Specifically, when the teacher goes around the class and expects each person to make a comment on whatever it is you’re studying that week. I hate that. First of all, there’s the part where I have to speak, out loud, to other people. Even if I have thoughts on the subject at hand, there’s a good chance those thoughts will get garbled on the way out, and/or I’ll talk too fast, and/or I’ll jump around incoherently, and/or I’ll say something that doesn’t sound out loud the way it does in my head, and/or I’ll try to be funny and it will not make sense. Secondly, I hate speaking first, because there’s so much pressure on that and also it feels like being a goody two shoes… but I also hate speaking after other people have gone, because by then my exact points will for sure have been stated, in a clearer and more interesting way. And I cannot think on my feet; no way, if I know that we’ll be going around the room, I will have prepared my response WELL in advance. Thirdly, I hate it when the instructor either doesn’t respond to your comment, or responds with something like “thank you” or “okay” when it seems like she responds to everyone else with “good point” or “I was thinking the exact same thing.” Fourthly, I hate “going round the room” in general, because there’s no connectivity! The whole point is to say something different from everyone else, and so you’re not having a conversation, you’re giving a presentation, and I hate that.

See, this is why I distract myself with plants and purchases. Because dealing with other humans is TOO FRAUGHT.

Lest we end on such a weird an anxious note, let us turn our gaze once more to my cat. Carla’s new pajamas (birthday gift) arrived the other day and I opened the box on the counter and Lenny was CERTAIN I was doing something Extremely Interesting that he didn’t want to miss. Sure enough, I had revealed a perfect resting spot.