I love sleep

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Scattershot Saturday Thoughts

Will I ever write a single topic post again?

Some might say that I should make several small posts instead of grouping a bunch of small topics together in one post. I say, the heart wants what it wants and today it wants to jibber jabber about a bunch of random shit.

I am obsessed with my cat.

This is likely not a surprise to you. Lenny is The Best, and since I am at home a lot of the day, every day, he is my constant companion. I cannot tell you how much of my one wild and precious life I have devoted to looking up things to enhance his quality of life. Catios, toys, communication systems. One thing I read frequently about cats is that they love to be UP HIGH, and my cat has a cat tower in the kitchen and a window perch in my office and, of course, a balcony (surely the people who built this house had Lenny in mind). But I’m always wondering if we could do more. Maybe I need a floor-to-ceiling cat tower for my office or my bedroom or my kid’s room or the basement?

I mentioned recently that my cat has become obsessed with a grasshopper that attaches to his wand toy. Well, my daughter handed him the grasshopper and he absconded with it and now I have no idea where it is; either it’s gone forever, or it will show up someday under the oven or in my bed at three in the morning. Fortunately, I can buy grasshopper replacements! Which led me to these rabbit fur toys. How many toys does one cat need, Suzanne?!

Instagram is well aware of how much I adore my cat, and feeds me all the cat content. Lately, it seems like everyone is getting another cat, and oh how I would LOVE to have a friend for Lenny. My husband, who did not particularly want a cat in the first place and agreed to get Lenny purely out of love for me and our kid, is not on board. And I respect that. But also: I want a second cat. Much as many non-parents believe with their whole hearts that they will NEVER be the kind of parent to have toys lying around their living rooms, I was firm in my conviction that I would never have cat towers or cat toys cluttering up my space. And, just like those non-parents who do a complete 180 when they have a kid, I now spend long minutes staring at my walls, wondering how best I could incorporate a wall climbing system into our overall home design and daydreaming about teaming up with my dad to create a custom set of cat slash Other Things shelves – maybe this combined with this (or this or this)? – that would look elegant and natural on our walls but would also provide our cat with a new way to see the world.

“How can anyone NOT be obsessed with me?”

Longterm projects to complete with a partner

Okay, moving on from my cat! My mom told me about a local challenge – sort of like a pub crawl, but without the pubs. We went to our first non-pub yesterday and plan to visit another one next week. I love that she suggested this joint activity: it gives us an “excuse” to get together, it encourages us to visit different parts of our community, and it supports local businesses. This is exactly the kind of thing I’ve been wanting to do with her, but a) I haven’t really known how or where to look for this kind of thing and b) nothing has jumped out to bite me.

I have to believe that there are other, similar types of activities that we can do together once we’ve completed this one. BUT WHAT??? Everything I come up with almost immediately hits a non-negotiable.

Visiting local museums seems like an obvious idea. Although I tire of museums quickly. Plus, they often cost money and it would be ideal if this joint activity were free. Birchie has taken on a hiking challenge several years running, which sounds appealing. Unfortunately, my mom lives nearby primarily in the winter months, and hiking in the snow and ice isn’t at the top of her list of fun things to do. (Don’t you love how the prior sentence cleverly implies hiking in snow and ice IS on MY list of fun things to do?) Elisabeth visits lighthouses, but the closest lighthouses to me aren’t reasonably close to my mom’s house. A coffee shop or restaurant or ice cream shop crawl would be fun, but again with the spending money, not to mention that those types of places tend to be crowded and noisy, which cross them pretty firmly off the list. A dear friend of mine would be all about finding local haunted places, but I don’t think that’s my mom’s jam. Stephany recently did a reading crawl, which I find deeply appealing… maybe my mom and I could visit one bookstore or library at a time and spend an hour or so reading together? My mom doesn’t really enjoy shopping or live music, neither of us are that into group exercise classes.

Are there any options I’m not thinking of? Have you ever done a “challenge” or a multi-part activity, either on your own or with a friend or family member?

Favorite podcasts

Based on Engie’s enthusiastic recommendation, I binged the entire second season of “Adults in the Room.” It was compelling and thought-provoking, and I found myself staring into space after every episode, wondering about things like the knife’s edge balance between “protecting a victim and future potential victims from abuse” and “protecting people from false accusations”… the many, many ways people can inflict themselves and their desires on others non-consensually and whether “abuse/abuser” are the most accurate terms for every act/person on that spectrum… and how big systems, like school districts, can feasibly and reliably balance the need to employ staff against their responsibility to protect the people they serve. It was a heavy topic, for sure, and the podcast of course had limitations in its scope and viewpoint and ability to address the bigger questions, but I found it completely engrossing.

Last fall, I think, Nicole recommended that I listen to a podcast called “Beth’s Dead,” and hoo boy, THAT was a fantastic listen. It also touched on heavy topics, but it was mostly about the intensity of parasocial relationships and I loooooved it.

I am not typically a podcast listener, although I can’t articulate why I gravitate toward other types of media first. But I enjoyed “Adults in the Room” and “Beth Is Dead” so much that I would love something exactly like either of them. I just started “Scamanda” which might do the trick, but would love more ideas if you have them.

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Initial thoughts on physical therapy

The other day marked my first physical therapy appointment to treat a case of tennis elbow. Reminder: I do not play tennis. My best guess is that I injured my forearm while lifting weights.

This was my second time patronizing a physical therapist; the last time, some seven or so years ago, was also in response to a workout-related injury. That time, I’d squinched my lower back doing ab exercises during a barre class. I don’t remember much about that PT experience, except that it was helpful. So I am going to try to write about this experience in more detail, for the benefit of Future Me.

When I arrived at the PT office, I had to fill out a series of long questionnaires – the kind that ask the wrong questions. (For instance, it asked “Does your pain interfere with your social life?” instead of “Does your pain interfere with your ability to work out the way you want to, which affects your mental and physical health on a daily basis?”)

After I’d filled out all the forms and handed over my insurance card for photocopying, my physio (Allison calls her PT a physio, so I am going to do that as well) called me back to a little office that looked like a doctor’s exam room: exam table, couple of chairs, cabinet with sink. The physio asked me a bunch of questions about my pain level and when/how I thought I’d injured the area. (He also noted that he had no part in designing the questions, nor has he ever, in twenty years as a PT, looked at any of the completed questionnaires.) (ARRRGGGHHHHHH, amirite.) Then he pressed on various parts of my arm and moved my arm around in a variety of ways and asked if anything caused pain. Then he agreed with the diagnosis of tennis elbow and said I would need to come to PT twice a week for six weeks. Ugh.

Then he showed me a couple of stretches to do, advised me to ice my elbow twice a day, and took me into the main space of the PT room, where there were exercise benches, weight machines, yoga mats, treadmill, and massage tables. I sat on a chair with my arm resting on a massage table and the physio ran an ultrasound machine over my forearm for what seemed like a long time. Then he massaged my forearm using a metal tool that looked kind of like this. He asked me if I could tell how tight my muscles were (or maybe he said “tendons”?), and when I said no, he showed me how the metal tool was unable to slide smoothly over my arm, but instead looked as though it were gliding over a bumpy road. Then he showed me how to massage my own forearm, using the elbow of my opposite arm (not easy or fun), and that was it.

I wasn’t really prepared for anything about the experience, because I had no idea what to expect.

Two things I wish I had known in advance:

1. That I would be a lot of pain after the appointment. My arm is sore, and in a new way than it has been; I would compare it to the same soreness I’ve had after getting a vigorous back massage, or even similar to the soreness of doing a rigorous exercise routine. Allison suggested that I take Advil before PT, and I will do that next time for sure.

2. That I would be expected to CHAT. My physio was lovely and friendly and talkative, and it turned out we had a lot in common to discuss. But chatting for A Whole Hour with someone I don’t know well is exhausting. There was one other patient in the office while I was there, and he looked at his phone the whole time his physio was massaging him… but he was on his stomach and she was working on his legs/feet, and I think it would be a lot more difficult/rude to stare at my phone while my physio massages my arm right there next to my face. I already dread going to the dental hygienist because of the chatting, and I only have to do that twice a year. HOW am I going to survive eleven more hours of conversation with this guy? (Who, again, seems lovely and friendly and kind!)

Wall art

My primary resting spot in this house is in the cozy armchair in the corner of my office. My view from the chair is of my bookshelves, but I am increasingly aware of how bare the walls are on either side of the shelves. Wouldn’t that be a nice way to display some family photos? We have TONS of artwork around our house, but very few family photos.

I have gone so far as to select a variety of photos that I’d like to display, but that’s where I get stuck.

What is the best way to display them? Gallery-wall style or on a series of floating shelves? Is there a way I could incorporate my decorative skiing tile, which I bought from Lauren years ago and LOVE and have never figured out how to properly display? (If you look closely, it’s sitting there on top of the Sue Grafton mysteries, but I would like it to be more visible.) If I have one non-photo, should/could I also add a small painting or a poem or something? How do I figure out how many [items] would look good and what sizes they should be?

I realize my success with gallery walls is zero, but this is MY office so I have more control over it than over shared spaces.

Ergonomic laptop holders

Speaking of my office sitting habits, I forgot to tell you about the part of my physical therapy appointment during which the physio scolded me about my computer usage habits. (He wasn’t mean about it or anything, more aghast that I was doing such constant harm to myself.) He suggested that I immediately stop using my laptop while sitting in an armchair (don’t let him know where I am writing this post) and sit instead at my desk, and invest in an ergonomic laptop holder so that I stop doing intense and ongoing damage to my neck and posture. He also recommended that I immediately cease using the track pad and keyboard on my laptop and get a separate mouse and keyboard.

What I want to know is, are there ergonomic laptop holders I can use on my lap? I really don’t like sitting at my desk.

How long is too long to sleep in?

Between the cat and perimenopause, I am no longer a sleeper-inner. My husband, who is chronically underslept, can sleep in until ten o’clock on the rare occasion the stars align for him to do so. My kid, who is almost-but-not-quite a teenager, has begun to sleep in more luxuriously than she used to; for years and years, she was an up-with-the-sun kind of kid.

My question is, how long do I let her sleep? I know she doesn’t get enough sleep these days, so I’m inclined to let her sleep until she wakes up naturally. But I also don’t want to start a Bad Pattern, and sleeping late often leads directly to staying up late. Ten o’clock feels decently decadent to me, but my husband says he remembers sleeping in until one or so when he was a teen.

When you can sleep in, how late do you sleep? If you have kids, how late do you let them lounge in bed?

Also me.

That’s all I’ve got today, Internet. I hope it is not snowing where you are. You know I love snow, but not in May.

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Five Weird Things for Friday

Listen, we are all super weird in our own way. Here are five weird things about me.

  • I cannot stand smelling cold food, if that food is supposed to be served hot. A cold peach, fine. Cold milk, fine. Ice cream, well, I’m not sure ice cream has a scent? But cold spaghetti sauce? Cold soup? Cold hamburger? No thank you. Sometimes my husband will ask me to give a container of leftovers a sniff, to make sure it’s still good to eat. In which case I say, you’re on your own, buddy. It should not surprise you that I will not eat supposed-to-be-hot-food when it is cold, either. 
    • Getting into an unmade bed squicks me out. Once upon a time, I did not make my bed every day. But that time is now in my distant past. And I cannot fathom how I got into rumpled sheets every night. No. I need my sheets to be smooth and tight. The only exception to this if I get out of bed in the middle of the night to pee. 

      • Relatedly: I refuse to turn on the lights after I’ve gone to sleep. As you are well aware, sleep is already not my friend. Why would I increase my chances of staying awake by turning on the light? No. If I need the bathroom or to check on my kid or to get a glass of water or to deter the cat from doing whatever it is that is making that noise, I leave the lights off. We do have plentiful nightlights throughout our house, which helps. If I’m in an unfamiliar place, I may be pressed to turn on a light out of necessity, but then I use the pirate trick of keeping one eye tightly closed so that I can return to darkness as swiftly as possible. 

        • The inside of a kitchen sink is a No Touch Zone. Some people will swipe, say, vegetable scraps into the drain with their hands. I know someone who will wash her hands, and then tap her clean hands against the wall of the sink closest to her. I do not understand this. The sink is where all the yuck goes. That’s where I scrape all the dishes, that’s where I rinse off forks that have touched raw chicken, or where I wash bowls that have contained raw eggs. I clean the inside of my sink every night, but I don’t necessarily scour it every time I rinse a dish, you know? There are particles of countless foods and meals and cat food in there. WHY would I ever touch it with my hands? Especially if I do not then wash my hands? 
          • After I’ve finished a good book, I don’t like to put it away. We have lots of bookshelves in our house, and they are organized by a few rough categories (fiction, non-fiction, poetry, travel, language), so it would be super easy to simply file a finished book in its spot. But when I’ve really enjoyed a book, I like to keep it near me. My husband even bought me a special bookshelf to keep in our bedroom so that I can keep a selection of books – both to-be-read and already-read – nearby. Some books stay on my nightstand or in this special bookshelf for months or years until I feel ready to part with them. 

            Now tell me something weird about you. 

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            Some Quick Bullets, Mainly About the Kitten

            We have welcomed our new housemate!!!!!

            By the way, it is Very Difficult to do anything at all when you have a kitten. He is quite darling and very distracting. Case in point: it has taken me three days to get this poor excuse for a post into WordPress.

            He is what I consider to be the platonic ideal of a cat. He is playful and weird and does that thing where he will be walking sedately and then will suddenly take off for reasons known only to him. And yet he is also incredibly cuddly, and will sit on or beside his humans for hours, purring loudly. He has had no trouble identifying and using his litter box, he is already starting to come when we call him. He seems to prefer being in the same room as his humans, although he does enjoy exploring the house. He is friendly and cheerful and not easily startled. He loves to play with toys, especially these silly little crinkly mylar balls – two of which are already lost forever underneath our oven. He loves to look outside. He seems to prefer sleeping on his back, fluffy tummy bared.

            When I called the vet to make our kitten’s first appointment, the (very kind and friendly) person I spoke to asked for his name, and then said, “Oh my god, my cat’s name is Leonardo, too!” And then he added, “We named him after ALL the Leonardos.” But then he could only think of two – DiCaprio and DaVinci. Are there other Leonardos? I mean, there’s the Ninja Turtle. But I’m pretty sure that’s a mononym in the spirit of Cher/Beyonce/Sting, right? Anyway, I’m trying to get the nickname Lenny to stick, but my husband and child are resisting with all their might and they might be wearing me down. I already have to scroll through my parents’ cat’s name and their dog’s name before I come up with Lenny, and with my kid saying her chosen nickname constantly… I don’t think I can keep it up. Lenny may end up being his blog name, which is a surprising benefit of having a blog. Perhaps I should have chosen a blog name for Carla instead of reserving them for potential future children.  (Edith and Eloise were my top contenders.) 

            Pre- and now even peri- (intra-?) kitten, I have been sleeping pretty well – waking up only once-ish per night and falling back to sleep pretty quickly. Because sleep is normally a major challenge, I wanted to note for Future Me that sometimes it’s not. Is it because I am taking all the supplements right now? (Magnesium, B6, B12, iron, vitamin D – okay, so not all all but more than I was taking which was nothing.) The other thing I will note is that I am still tired. If I sit down, I will fall asleep. So either there’s something going on that we have not yet tested for (all my labs are totally normal, and my at-home sleep study showed no evidence of apnea), or – and this is my personal theory – being tired is just How It Is, and maybe I notice it more now because I am less busy.

             

            My kid is still in school, but summertime is imminent and I Am Pumped. I am looking forward to more leisurely mornings, to spending time outside, to forcing encouraging my child to read through bribery the thrill of the vast literary canon.

            On the cooking front, I am in one of those phases where I cannot think of a single food I want to eat, let alone make. We’re depending a lot on leftovers of the few things my husband suggests and/or takeout. To make matters more complicated, after such a long, damp, cool spring, we have suddenly been skyrocketed into the 80s and it’s too hot to turn on the oven. My air fryer makes a mean piece of salmon though.

            Oh – okay, more about the kitten. 

            So far, I have had itchy eyes but no other allergic reactions to the cat. And I could just as easily attribute my itchy eyes to the increase in pollen outside. 

            Let’s see. Are there any negatives about having a cat? I mean, I can’t do anything unless I shut him away in his temporary room. But that’s not annoying as of yet. He does, of course, occasionally scratch the furniture which is not ideal. But I was expecting that, and we are also working on it. It took me all of two days to release my deeply-held conviction that I would never ever welcome a cat tree into my home; now we have a cat tree. He gets carsick, which is sad. Oh – he is obsessed with my houseplants, so I have temporarily relocated them to higher places and may need to re-home some of them. (Why are so many houseplants toxic???) He is also obsessed with climbing on the kitchen table, and then immediately shoving his entire head into whichever water glass is sitting there unattended. 

            He has absolutely no grace. I thought cats were supposed to be agile and graceful and have good balance and land on their feet, but Lenny is unaware of these stereotypes. He leaps at things and misjudges the distance. He flops over on things with edges (cat tree, chair seat, ottoman) and falls off them. He trots along the back of the couch and slips off every few steps. I even asked the vet about it; she seemed unconcerned. Perhaps kittens are the equivalent of toddlers, lurching around drunkenly until they fully understand what it means to walk.  

            One of my writing partners came over to meet Lenny and, ostensibly, to write. Focusing on our projects was… bordering on impossible. She suggested I get him his own computer. 

            If it’s not entirely clear, I love him. He is perfection.