friendship maintenance

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Six for Saturday: Frets and Shopping and Shopping Frets

I am loving the thoughtful comments about whether or not I should tattoo eyebrows on myself. THANK YOU. I have truly found My People. 

Here are six things on my mind this morning. 

School Year Frets In Session: While it seems like a lot of the country has already headed back to school – in fact, school buses appeared this week in my neighborhood like a noisy flock of migratory birds – we are still holding onto the last tatters of summer with our teeth and fingernails. It has become increasingly difficult to ignore the impending school year, though. And I am STRESSED. Middle School, y’all. 

Maybe I need to write an entire post about all the things that are freaking me out about Middle School (top of the list: MY TINY BABY IS GOING TO MIDDLE SCHOOL), but right now I am thinking mainly about the schedule aspect of it. A bunch of wonderful extracurricular activities have manifested themselves, and I am doing my very best to walk the fine line between “my kid would LOVE that” and “if she does this activity we will all go insane.” For instance, there is a local activity that she would enjoy SO MUCH, but it begins at 3:45 after school and school pickup begins at 3:10 and it takes 30 minutes to drive between school and the activity, so it would be doable but only if I got to the carline at, like, 2:30 and she got out the door immediately at 3:10 and we didn’t hit any sort of traffic or need to pee or any of the other delays we have faced in the past. So. That activity is just not going to happen this year, and I have to trust that it will be available in a more workable form at some later time, or it just isn’t Meant to Be. 

We have also signed her up for two sports this fall, which is GREAT. But the one sport is notoriously weird about assigning practice slots – like, they wait until the week of to say, “Hey, your practice day and time is X,” and then they are unable to accommodate any change requests. I learned this the hard way last year, and fortunately the coach was very kind about allowing Carla to be on the team even though she was fifteen minutes late to every single practice because she had a conflicting extracurricular. So: I am trying to wait to find out the sports schedule before I schedule her for anything else, but that’s HARD, because spots are filling up. 

I did reach out to an instrumental teacher who comes highly recommended, because I guess I thought we would have some sort of conversation about Carla’s experience with this instrument and how practices go and whether there are recitals and what practice expectations are etc. etc., but instead the teacher wanted to know Carla’s availability and I don’t know that. Whoops. I guess I should have waited to reach out????

The other sport is going great, but Carla has no set lesson time. This worked fine during the summer, because it was the only thing we had going on. But I need to KNOW. I want to have a calendar that has everything arranged very neatly IN ADVANCE. 

There is an academic extracurricular I want Carla to take as well, but I am waiting until we know the schedule for the previously mentioned activities, and ideally I would want to see how school goes for awhile first, before adding it on, but I don’t know if that’s feasible???? 

And then Carla will probably try out for the school play, but auditions take place later in the fall so I cannot worry about it now. 

I know this sounds like A Lot, but it feels a little bit more workable than last year’s extra curricular schedule. At least now, when it is half formed and entirely theoretical. I just want things SET. 

Friend Visit Fret: While I am fretting about things, I might as well fret about an upcoming visit from my dearest friend. We have known each other for THIRTY-TWO YEARS which sounds bonkers to me. Anyway, she is coming to visit and I am so excited I can think of little else. It’s quite an emotional ping-pong match in my brain right now, what with the Middle School Scaries bopping around with the more Happy Excited Anticipatory Anxiety of hosting my friend. What will we DO? What should we EAT? Would it be nice for her to meet some of my Here Friends, or would that be weird for everyone? Do I need to schedule a bunch of touristy-type activities so she can experience the city? Or should we just take relaxing walks together and then hang out by the pool? I think she is looking more for the latter, in which case I need the weather to cooperate, but it might be nice to do one or two touristy-type things, just so she can say, “Yes, of course, when I was in City I did The Thing That City Is Known For” when people ask. 

Listen. This is my best friend. She is probably still going to be my best friend even if she has a boring time here, even if she hates my cooking, even if hanging out with an intensely enthusiastic eleven-year-old drives her bonkers. I KNOW THIS. 

Here’s why I am fretting: We have never spent this much time one-on-one together! In fact, the bulk of our relationship has taken place via phone. We used to see each other regularly once or twice a year, but I haven’t seen her in two years now, and before that it had been about a decade. Will we have enough to talk about? What if she gets annoyed with me???? Or sick of me??? Despite knowing each other for a million years, we are fairly new at voicing our needs with one another, so I am a little afraid she will just agree to whatever I suggest even if it doesn’t sound good or fun to her. Also, I am a little shy about her seeing me in Mom Mode, which sounds silly even as I’m writing it, but… the shyness is still there. She’s only met Carla once, and for a very short time, and I don’t know, it just feels weird to be this whole other person than I was when we grew up together.

Also, I have asked her some questions like if there are any foods she hates/won’t eat, but my knowledge of her likes and dislikes mainly comes from high school. It’s kind of amazing how LITTLE you can know about the day-to-day life and habits of someone you love very much. 

I am EXCITED, and I trust that it will be okay. But still, underneath all the happy anticipation is a little trepidation. 

My Garden Continues to Delight: Let’s move on to LESS STRESSFUL THINGS, shall we? My garden is still producing flowers and I am loving it. The hydrangea bushes are scaling back, but we have several hydrangea trees that are in bloom and they are SO pretty. We also have an abundance of coneflowers, which are not my favorite flower, but which look quite stunning in a big bunch. The hibiscus are blooming as well, and they are ALSO not my favorite flower (and wayyyyy too big and unwieldy to cut and display in a vase), but they are pretty and a nice vivid red. Now I just need the garden to continue to look gorgeous for a little longer so my friend can enjoy it. 

Who Recommended These Shoes? Because I LOVE Them: My plantar fasciitis is pretty well controlled these days, thank goodness, and I attribute that to regular shoe-wearing in the house. Usually I wear sneakers, but I have been wanting to try out some flip flops because I hate wearing socks, and it is a pain to tie and untie my sneakers all day long. I’ve had this pair of flip flops in my amazon cart for AGES, and I am pretty sure someone told me they were amazing which is why I added them to my cart. But I only just bought them in the past few weeks, and I love them so much. If you were the one who recommended them: THANK YOU.

They are much cuter than I expected; I guess I thought because they are “orthotic” that they would automatically be clunky and ugly, and they are not. Best of all, they are SO COMFORTABLE. I am getting a second pair to wear outside of the house because I love them so much. (Also, they are $30 right now, down from $50, so if you are looking for magic flip flops, this is a good time to go for it!)

How to Eat a Cucumber: There is just no way to write this bullet point that doesn’t sound like a euphemism, but please trust that I am looking for RECIPE IDEAS. 

My husband brought home a cucumber one of his colleagues brought home from work. I am looking for creative ways to prepare this cucumber for consumption. (I don’t really like cucumbers.) I could make a big Greek salad, which I enjoy. But it is QUITE a large cucumber, and also I feel like that’s a little boring??? Maybe I should make this green goddess cucumber salad? Or this creamy cucumber salad? Or this smashed chili-soy cucumber salad? What’s your favorite cucumber recipe?

The Fall Birthday Procession Cometh: Okay I guess we’re back to fretting. ALL THE BIRTHDAYS are coming up in September and October and I am wholly unprepared and have no idea what to get anyone. My brother and his wife are typically very “no gifts, thanks” kind of people, but I would love to get them something little if possible. (They are both outdoorsy, they have a cat.) My sister-in-law and mother-in-law are always baffling, from a What to Give Them perspective. My friend who is visiting will have just had a birthday when she arrives, so I kind of want to have something here for her. (She is a runner and an avid gardener. I am thinking something garden-y? We don’t usually give each other presents, so I have no idea what she might want or need!) My husband’s birthday is also coming up! I have NO IDEA AT ALL what to give him! My mind is a complete blank. The only things that I know he has been looking at buying are a) a new external hard drive, which is a useful but way-too-boring gift, and plus I would need him to give me the exact specifications of the one he wants which would spoil whatever level of “surprise” goes along with “I got you an external hard drive for your birthday,” or b) a new travel backpack, but that again seems like something he’d really want to choose for himself. I guess it’s more exciting than a hard drive, but that’s not really saying much, is it? 

Help???? Do you have any idea, based on the Very Limited Information I have shared about all of these complete strangers to you, what should I get them???? I am so bad at gift giving, and this year I feel especially useless. 

And all these birthdays are right before CHRISTMAS, so there will need to be gifts for all of these people – and more! – again, and ugh. 

Okay, Internet. That’s all I have for you today. Shoe recommendations and flower brags and double entendres and tons of random fretting. Hope you have a glorious weekend!

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Five for Friday

It IS Friday, right? I am at the point in summer where I have sort of lost track of the days. I have certainly lost track of the ability to write a cohesive blog post on one topic, that’s for sure. (Did I ever really possess that ability????) So let’s do some bullet points. 

1. Sleep Regression: I have become a baby, internet, mixing up my days and my nights. I have trouble sleeping at night, so I end up napping during the day. Which makes me not sleepy at bedtime, so I stay up later than I intend to. Then I am tired the next day, so I take a nap. Lather, rinse, repeat. I am not a fan, and also I’m not really sure how to correct this??? When I try to not nap, I end up nearly falling asleep while driving, so I don’t think that’s the answer. Probably the answer is some combination of better habits and seek professional help, but I don’t feel like doing those things so I’m whining about it instead.

2. Velcro Baby: Speaking of babies, my actual baby (who is a long-limbed pre-teen) stayed home from camp this week to fight a cold. It’s one of those awful coughs, and the doctor basically said there’s nothing they can do about it at this point. Hopefully it goes away soon, I hate hearing my poor kiddo hack away in the middle of the night. It’s been a while since she’s had a sick day, and she was Velcroed to me the entire time, which I think is as good a demonstration as any that she is sick. We watched MANY movies. Having her draped all over me was both lovely – I mean, how much longer is she going to deign to sit on my lap? – and tiresome. She is heavy, now, and has many more elbows and knees than seems possible, and they are all sharp. I kept telling myself to enjoy it; I would have my body and my time back soon enough, and being able to snuggle with her is precious and limited. And yet I just wanted some personal space for the love. I am so used to her being so independent, it’s a little startling how little patience I have for dependency. It reminds me of the toddler years, and how HARD it was, to have someone touching me at all times, to have someone needing me at every second. Big kids bring along their own challenges, but mine at least has not been as physically demanding as she was a few years ago. If you are in the toddler stage, you have my sincere empathy. By the way, having an 11-year-old cough in your face is just as charming as having a three-year-old cough in your face. Some things never change. 

3. Mosquito Prevention: My legs are covered in mosquito bites right now. COVERED. I have a hideous bite on the back of my arm, too – red and angry. It’s unattractive and itchy. I haven’t had bug bites like these since the beginning of the summer. You know why? Because my husband bought this mosquito repellent device and we turn it on anytime we are outside. IT IS MAGIC. We’ve had it outside with us basically all summer, including during our two recent dinner parties and I came away with nary a bite! But then we went to our neighbors’ house for an impromptu BBQ and ended up hanging outside for about 20 minutes, and I got chewed to bits. Maybe I need to buy the neighbors their own mosquito device??? Or start carrying mine with me? 

4. Automotive Technology: Earlier this week, I found myself looking up automotive technology programs at local colleges. Is this the second career I need? Is this a(n over)reaction to too many recalls on my car? Is this a cry for help? I like cars, but I’ve never really been interested in learning how they work. My father would be delighted to help me, I’m sure. (He tried to teach me how to change my own oil back in the late 90s and… I resisted.) But I often find myself wishing I had more automotive knowledge. Mainly when the mechanic is telling me I NEED a part that costs $800. Maybe it would be kind of cool to reinvent myself as an auto mechanic. This is not going to happen, but it’s fun to think about. 

5. Shame Spiral: I am on one (1) group chat, and honestly I don’t know if a group text is the same thing as a group chat, and those two points should really Tell You Something. Anyway, I responded to a message with something that I meant to be silly and fun, and no one responded, and I have been analyzing it backwards and forwards since yesterday afternoon and feeling worse and worse and more and more sure that my (probably former) friends are not only going to cut me out of the group chat, but out of their lives completely. It wasn’t even that BAD, I don’t think; at most it was a) not funny or b) mildly insulting of someone’s relative’s food choice. But nonetheless: SHAME SPIRAL. Also, I am well aware that maybe they didn’t respond simply because it wasn’t response-worthy, or because they went out to dinner or had to deal with a sick child or sat down to watch a movie or or or. I may be a narcissist, but I am aware of it. Anyway, despite all my coping thoughts of narcissism and “people who are your friends will forgive you the occasional dumb comment,” I continue to spiral. I am the most awkward person on the planet and do not deserve friends. Probably at least some of this has to do with me submitting a short story to my critique group and being sure they are texting each other behind my back about the best way to break it to me that the story is not really a story and also sucks balls. But also I haven’t had A Friend Group since college and we didn’t text back then anyway and I don’t know how to be a person or what I’m doing trying. Fretting about how they are texting each other about how to respond to my stupid attempt at humor is what I AM doing. 

There. That’s my Friday morning for you, Internet! What’s up with you?