anxious thoughts

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Plunging Into Spring Slash Summer Shemozzle; Dinners This Week; Are We Still Doing Easter Baskets

Yesterday, I forced my cranky self to go for a walk in the spring air with my husband. As we were chatting, I mentioned that I felt like my head was SWIRLING with all the to-dos I have ahead of me, and he sagely suggested that I write them down. Well. Writing them down helps, but it does not STOP the swirling.

What also helps is to squawk and flap at you. I know you are either going through something similar, or you know exactly what it feels like, or you have kind and/or wise and/or distracting words.

Because I have a fondness for alliteration, especially in post titles, I was looking for a synonym for “chaos / pandemonium / overwhelm” that began with an S, and I came across the word “shemozzle.” The word itself is a little sillier than how I feel; there’s something about the “ozzle” that makes me want to giggle. Say “shemozzle” out loud, it’s delightful. That very silliness is what makes it perfect. I may feel on the knife’s edge of a panic attack, but I’m panicking about silly inconsequential stuff when the world at large is full of so many massive, significant events, and “shemozzle” helps me remember that.

The first and most uncomfortable shemozzle / source of shemozzle / I have no real idea how to use this word: SUMMER.

I have finally gotten my ass into gear and started thinking about summer camp, and summer feels really, really close, and I have next to zero things planned, and the whole thing stresses me right out. Also, I spent – no exaggeration – SIX HOURS this weekend trying to research camps and fit them into the calendar and talk through them with Carla. Which is all to say that I acknowledge the many privileges and a blessings of a life in which a) I have six hours to devote to summer camp research and b) the wealth of options available to me is so extensive and c) summer camp is neither a necessity nor a hardship.

Summer camp, of course, is all tangled up in summer travel plans. (Shemozzle Two.) My husband and I are apparently inhabiting one of those logic puzzles: Suzanne wants to be in X place for Y days, her husband wants to be in X place for Z days, their daughter needs to be picked up from camp on Day Z, and they have to cross a river in a leaky boat with a hungry shark. How can Suzanne be two places at once without losing a limb?

Plus, summer has a bunch of Unknown Factors that could influence things like Which Camp Is Best and Will Our Travel Plans Work for People Besides Us, and I don’t know when the Factors will become Known and airline tickets continue to climb and also Carla’s birthday is in there somewhere and she’s been through nearly a school year’s worth of bar and bat mitzvahs that have conveyed the idea that Thirteen Is a Seriously Important Birthday but I’m not sure what besides “getting a phone” (no) or “elaborate party and religious ceremony” (also no) meets her expectations of what a Seriously Important Birthday might involve. [Edited to add: NOTE OF CLARITY – I am not opposed to phones for people’s children. A phone is not right for my particular child at this particular time, but there are many excellent and valid reasons for kids to have phones at age thirteen or even younger.]

Listen, I am well accustomed to the turmoil of Pell-Mell May, but it is still March, if only for another day, and I AM NOT READY FOR THIS LEVEL OF SHEMOZZLE.

Shall we turn to another, more pressing issue? Which is that this is a holiday week, and I am hosting one of the week’s holidays and yet I somehow still have to also feed my family on the non-holiday days.

Dinners for the Week of March 30-April 5

  • Fire Fry: My husband requested this, and if someone else is going to suggest a meal, I’m going to make it. Doesn’t hurt that fire fry is delicious.
  • Ground Beef Tacos: It’s been a minute since we’ve had tacos around here, and I’m in the mood for a Taco Tuesday.
  • Sesame Ginger Stir Fry: I think I’m feeling brave enough to try making tofu again, and this recipe sounds like the perfect incentive to attempt it.

We’ve been invited to join family friends for a Passover Seder, so that’s another night I don’t have to think about. And then I’m hosting Easter dinner. I think I’ll make a pork loin with a warm farro and veggie salad on the side. My husband has requested a cake for dessert, and has narrowed down his cake desires to a coconut cake or a carrot cake. I have never made either, and I’m always up for a cake challenge. Do you have a preference? And, if so, do you have a favorite recipe for either?

Speaking of Easter… my kid is twelve… do I still need to do the whole Easter bunny/Easter basket thing? Just the idea of thinking about it is making me weary. Are we still hiding plastic eggs all over the house? Do we need to dye eggs? Surely we should have at least a small Easter basket, right? My husband has always insisted that Easter is not a gift-giving holiday, and yet… I’ve always striven to fill my kid’s Easter basket with as many non-candy items as I can, while still trying to make it fun and exciting.

I wonder if I could get away with filling up an Easter basket with practical things, like these cute jeans Carla wants, or a new skort, or a duffel bag. I bet she would love a variety pack of spring-ish earrings. She’s been more interested in cooking for herself lately, and I’ve been stressing about SPORTS SNACKS, so perhaps a cookbook would be both fun and useful? Books are always a good gift compromise – if only Rosanne Perry’s newest novel had already come out! Carla loved attending Jeopardy! as an audience member over spring break; maybe she would enjoy a book of Jeopardy! games, or a book of trivia, or maybe even this inside peek at the show? Of course, I am also eyeing fun and silly things for Carla’s Easter basket, like these hand-holding socks or these fingernail markers or a stuffed ostrich. My child does NOT need any more stuffed animals, but the ostrich is adorable… and you know what is MORE ADORABLE is this stuffed Pallas cat OMG I want it so much. Carla also loves the latest fidget toys – she was eyeballing this squishy stick of butter at a friend’s house. Oh my goodness, she would get such a kick out of this tic-tac-toe wall hanging. Okay, now I am getting carried away. Let’s save it for her birthday, Suzanne.

I suppose I can at the very least buy some candy the next time I go to the grocery store. And maybe I will consider buying a bag of bunny farts. Carla does love both cotton candy and fart jokes, so it seems like a guaranteed win.

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Birthday Sleepover Awkwardness

Why yes I am dramatically behind in planning and/or even thinking about my child’s birthday party this year, why do you ask? 

For one thing, my husband is on call on Carla’s birthday weekend, which means we have to find a different date for the party (just… trust me. we are not doing a party on a call weekend), and I can’t figure out what that date should be. Seems like it should be obvious, or that there should be some reasonable candidates, but I am struggling. We’re up against camp and holidays and other birthday parties and vacation and no date seems workable.

For another thing, Carla has been happily discussing plans for her party for several months now, so it feels like I don’t have anything to do. When in reality, I have ALL THE THINGS to do because her saying “I want to have a water theme” doesn’t make water-themed décor magically appear in my house, nor does her making a list of kids she wants to invite equate actually inviting anyone.

Let’s start there, with the invitations, because that’s part of the delay, I think. 

Carla wants a sleepover party this year. Here’s the thing: I refuse to have more than six children in my house overnight. Why this number, I don’t know. All I know is that I can hardly deal with having one child over for a sleepover, it goes against everything in my constitution, and the thought of something like ten kids makes me hyperventilate. I know a large sleepover party is doable. One of Carla’s friends had, like, twenty girls sleep over last year. But that kid’s mom is a very different person from me, in almost every way, which instead of making “big sleepover” seem possible, makes it seem even less possible, if that makes any sense. Hell, even my own mother hosted big sleepovers with probably ten or more kids when I was in middle school. My mother was FANTASTIC at birthday parties, let me tell you.

Carla is amenable to the limit, but she would love to have a BIG PARTY with all her friends, and then have a select few stay the night after the party and I… well, I have put my foot down about this. And I’m feeling like I want to walk it back, but I also still agree with my reasons for saying no in the first place. 

This may sound like a non-sequitur, but stay with me here: We have reached an age where birthday party invite lists have begun to be… tricky. Like, I am theoretically 100% behind Carla or any child only inviting people to her birthday that she wants at her birthday. We are long past the days when you invited the entire class or – in some cases – the entire grade. And I theoretically completely understand that just because parents are friends with one another does not mean their children are also friends with one another. 

In practice, it feels so different and yucky to leave people out, especially if they are the kids of your friends. And yet: six person limit. 

My reason for not doing the big party with the smaller sleepover is related to that yucky feeling. I don’t want to leave anyone out, I don’t want anyone to feel less special or less of a friend or lesser in any way because they weren’t included in the super exclusive sleepover contingent. Carla’s argument is twofold. First, she says that other kids have big parties and then a few kids sleepover. Second, she says that she would never, ever mention to anyone that only a few kids would sleepover. My rebuttal is that kids a) aren’t great at secrets and b) can be mean and c) people always find out! 

Other people DO do this! I have picked up my kid from several birthday parties, and a couple kids remain behind to stay for a sleepover extension. This has never bothered me because I have only recently allowed Carla to sleep over anywhere. But it has bothered Carla. She always feels left out and wonders why not her. We had a good reason: she wasn’t allowed. That helped soothe the hurt feelings. Plus, she’s a very cheerful kid who gets over things pretty swiftly. But what about the other kids who may not have mean sleepover-hating moms to blame their lack of fun on, or who may be struggling with finding their crew, or whose feelings are sharper and longer lasting? 

(I have no good place to stick this point, but I want to head off any suggestions that Carla invite one or even two people over. I think I could be okay with a Big Party and one kid sleeping over after. But Carla doesn’t have a Best Friend, so that doesn’t really make sense in her situation. Plus, I think part of the allure of the Big Sleepover is the BIGNESS of it.)

We’re not doing Big Party with the Small Sleepover. We just aren’t. I mean, I suppose I could hold two events on two separate days but NO THANK YOU ONE PARTY IS ENOUGH I MEAN IT. Please, back me up here, because I can feel my resistance crumbling as I type and I know I will RUE MYSELF if I give in to the two party plan. Can a person rue herself? Even if that’s not a thing, I will.

Because I cannot and will not host two separate parties (right????? that would be dumb?????), and because I refuse to make a portion of birthday invitees feel like the B Team, I am trying to work myself up to a slightly bigger sleepover. Like… eight people??? Could I do ten? It’s always possible that we invite ten and only three show up. That would be IDEAL, honestly. But in my experience, if you plan on that kind of attrition, everyone shows up and also one kid brings her out-of-town cousin. 

Carla is not the problem here. She has narrowed her list down to five invitees, with very little pleading and negotiating. I AM THE PROBLEM. There are some kids that I would like to invite just out of… I don’t know. Mom friendship? Duty? Duty invites? That’s awful. No one wants to be at a party because the birthday girl’s MOM wants you there. I am sure the duty invitees would HATE THAT, and Carla might also hate it too, and I can see right now that if I tell her to invite A, she will ask, “If I can have an extra spot for A, why can’t I invite B instead?” which makes total sense; I refer you back to my theoretical conviction that a kid should only invite kids to her birthday party that she wants at her birthday party.  And even if I upped the guest list count to ten, there’s no guarantee that the duty invitees would make that cut, either. (Ugh ugh ugh. I need a different way to frame this than “duty invitees,” because these kids are sweet and wonderful and fun and they just aren’t in Carla’s immediate circle, that’s all there is to it.)

Listen. Pretty much no one these days is going around inviting every kid in the class/grade or even every kid of one gender in the class/grade. Carla has been invited to three birthday parties this year, that’s it. So I get it. Not everyone gets invited. That’s not how friendship works. We moms all say, “We understand.” And I know that we do. If Carla didn’t get an invitation to a specific kid’s party, I would understand. That doesn’t mean it wouldn’t sting. 

Someone’s feelings are going to get hurt. Perhaps many someones. Perhaps someone’s mom’s feelings are going to get hurt too. I don’t want to be the cause of it!

Do you see? Do you SEE why I am struggling to plan the party when I cannot figure out the guest list?????? 

Clearly I am in bit of a tizz. We’ll have to reconvene later to discuss present ideas and cake. (We have one gift for Carla: a pair of tickets to a play we think [hope] she wants to see. Nearly Twelve is exceedingly difficult to shop for!) 

Let’s look at a soft sleepy kitten to soothe the jangled nerves.

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Distraction by Shopping

Why yes, I am trying to still the anxious thoughts that are clamoring inside my brain with some good ol’ retail therapy. (I find searching for things I want and putting them into various online shopping carts to scratch my shopping itch nearly as well as shelling out money to buy them.) Join me, will you?

Skincare Storage Solution

For the last billion years, I have stored all my makeup in one of the free pouches my mother got with her Clinique purchases. I don’t wear a whole lot of makeup (mascara, eyebrow mascara, blush, maybe a cream eyeshadow), so it’s never a very crowded makeup bag. But over the past year I seem to have assembled QUITE the collection of what I refer to as my Old Lady Potions. It’s getting a little out of control. I keep some of them stacked together on the counter, and the others are crowded into several makeup bags which means I forget about them.

Currently at THREE makeup bags of assorted Old Lady Potions. Also, I have no idea where to keep My Precious which has kind of an intense cord situation happening.

Carla has been mildly interested in skincare since she started middle school, and her bathroom counter was a disaster, so I got her a little shelving unit for all her face washes and moisturizers and perfumes. (Note: I forgot to measure the available space on her counter, and the shelving unit turned out not to fit in the corner, so it’s sitting awkwardly in the middle. I HATE IT but Carla claims to love it, so I am trying really hard to just go with the flow instead of ordering a second skincare organizer to appease my sense of scale. 

What do YOU do about organizing/storing your makeup and skincare items? I, of course, am currently coveting Carla’s beauty organizer and now want one for myself.

Of course, The All-Knowing Amazon has sensed my desire for a skincare shelving unit of my own, and has served me up with a campaign for this cutie of a shelving unit. Hashtag Ad, I guess?? I am feeling extra averse to amazon these days, especially when the amazon product in question doesn’t seem to be supporting a recognizable small business. So I am wondering: where else do we go to find skincare organizers? 

West Elm has this option, although I think it would take up too much room on my counter. I like this one better, actually, although again it’s much too big for the available space; plus, it’s $140. Pottery Barn Teen has a smaller beauty storage option, but it’s not cute. And of course it’s $69 compared to amazon’s $36. But paying more is part of the sacrifice, right? Or, perhaps I should consider not engaging in overconsumption at all. Or – maybe I need to go in the complete opposite direction and buy myself a vanity table! There’s even a cute little tuck-away-able wall-mount beauty station! 

Cat Core Décor

The All-Knowing Amazon has also tuned into my current intense interest in cat products and has invited me to advertise “the purrfect scratching solution for your feline friend” – this cat scratch lounger. 

By the way, we do not have a cat at this time, and – even though I know (based on a little light Facebook stalking) that our local cattery’s latest batch of kittens has arrived in the world – have no timeframe for getting a cat, I have been doing a lot of cat research. My top concern at this moment is the inevitable destruction of our furniture. All the cat care books say that all you have to do to prevent scratching is spray a little Feliway on your furniture and set up a scratching post right next to your couch and voila! No scratching. (All the actual cat owners I’ve talked to say that the cats will scratch the furniture no matter what I do. Womp womp.) (Stephany? Jenny? Is your furniture ripped to shreds?)

This is going to sound so dumb but I am feeling a little reluctant to have a bunch of cat accoutrements strewn about my house. (Maybe I am not cut out for a cat?) (Maybe this is the equivalent of a pre-parent saying, “I will never let my house be overrun by toys” before they have an Actual ChildTM and understand that toys in all corners of every room are just a part of life?) Anyway, I have been googling things like “mid century modern cat towers” and “scratching posts that look like furniture.” AND I HAVE FOUND THINGS. It delights me that there is indeed a market for luxury pet products.

This three-panel scratching board slash art piece is kind of cool. Although my guess is that it would need to be mounted closer to the floor than an actual art installation. Also: pricey. I am kind of in love with this side tablethat doubles as a scratching post and triples as a cat hideout. But: very pricey. I am *head over heels* for this art piece slash cat perch. Of course: excessively pricey.

I’m a fan of these decorative cat shelves; they could possibly look like art. This wall-mounted cat scratching post isn’t too offensive to my anti-cat furniture sensibilities. I don’t mind this cat tower; it would coordinate with some of our existing furniture. This little cat nest is pretty cute. Oooh – I like this one even better. We just got a new bookshelf that has a lot in common, style wise, with this cat condo; maybe together they would look like Intentional Décor Choice instead of like We Cede Control to the Cat. Okay, okay, how can I resist a CAT ROCKING CHAIR? This cat tree has LEAVES. Here is a litter box station that looks like genuinely nice furniture! 

Please be advised that it is unlikely that I am going to buy any of these. For one thing: spendy. For another: the cat is going to ignore anything I buy for it, isn’t he. But they are fun to consider. I may persuade myself to get this little window perch, though.

This is my parents’ cat (RIP) and he had a litter box in the basement and NOTHING ELSE. Why yes, all their furniture was clawed to pieces why do you ask.

Jean Journey

I have finally crossed over from aggressively avoiding the latest denim trends to reluctantly jumping on the bandwagon. It took me forever to get on the skinny jean train, but I am tired of feeling totally out of style. Plus, baggy jeans are comfy! (Are you still doing skinny jeans? Do you hate the barrel leg jean style as much as I do?)

As with any type of jeans, it is next to impossible to find a pair that fit and feel good and look relatively okay. I should know; I have tried on a million options lately. A few worked: I got a pair of bootcut jeans from Loft that I like quite a bit. I bought a pair of straight leg jeans from Madewell; in fact, I went into an actual store that sells Madewell denim to try them on, and I’m glad I did. I originally thought I wanted wide-leg jeans, but they were MUCH too wide for my shape. These straight jeans are so soft and comfy. Maybe not the most flattering fit I’ve ever worn, but I like them. Oooh – I want to try the 90s fit jeans as well, and they are on a MAJOR sale right now! I also got a pair of these jeans from Stitch Fix (here’s my referral link if you want to get a $25 credit to try it out! I have been getting Fixes for more than a decade now and I still find it fun and I have gotten a ton of cute clothes this way.) and I’ve worn them several times and really like them.

In no universe do I need more jeans.

So I have a few pairs of “in style” jeans, but of course I want more. (See above RE: overconsumption omg.)

I’ve heard good things about Quince, though I’ve never purchased anything from them before. These relaxed straight jeans look very cute and the price is perfect. (Don’t fall for their $30 off sign-up bonus, though; it’s $30 off of $250 and you have to sign up for email AND text messages.)

I read an article in the NYT recently about the best women’s jeans, and these Levi’s jeans got top billing. The ribcage high waist is a little intimidating, though. I love a high waist but ribcage high might be going too far. 

My current body doesn’t mesh well with wide-leg denim, but I do like a bootcut pant. (Well. Only when paired with a heeled shoe. Otherwise I feel too stubby.) Maybe I need a pair of these Kut from the Kloth jeans? I am also intrigued by these very spendy ankle jeans. (FYI – according to this article about whether it’s worth the extra $$$ to buy pricey jeans, you really want to pay attention to the cotton content. My key takeaway is that more cotton equals better denim.)

If you have jeans recs, I am all ears. 

Okay. I suppose I better stop shopping and do something productive. But in case I decide against doing something productive, what are you shopping for these days?