cucumbers are weird

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Wednesday Randomosity: Assorted Tidbits and Updates Edition

It’s Wednesday and we are somehow nearly halfway through January. Let’s have some bullets, shall we?

Rough Return to Routine: Re-entry post holiday break has been A Challenge. In trying to leave my cozy cocoon, I have a lot of empathy for creatures who swathe themselves in gauze only to be forced, weak-limbed and light-stunned, back into the real world.

Part of the problem, of course, is that we got on a totally awful sleep schedule during the break, and that has been challenging to reverse. I like to think of myself as a morning person, but really, I’m fine staying up late and sleeping late if that’s a workable schedule. As it was for fifteen straight days. I tried, oh I tried, to ease us back into eight-thirty bedtimes and six am wakeups, but it did not stick for anyone. (On my end, I managed to get back to five-thirty wakeups, with a lot of help from the cat, but I have not managed to get to bed before midnight more than once or twice.)

The other part of the problem, in my opinion, is that there’s been no gradual reincorporation into normalcy. It’s just, like, BAM, back into it. It’s got to be even harder for my poor kid, who’s the one enduring school and all her activities; I’m just driving her around, and that’s messing me up completely. The past weekend was PACKED with stuff. Between Friday and today, my kid has had two appointments, a sleepover with her grandparents, five extra-curricular activities, one performance, and a birthday party. That doesn’t even count three days of school. We didn’t get home until after ten Monday night and when Carla had a hard time waking up yesterday morning, even though I let both of sleep in an extra forty-five minutes, I did not blame her one bit.

The cat has NOT been happy with all these shifting schedules, let me tell you. He doesn’t seem to be finding as much interest in his normal suite of toys and playing. His eating schedule is all out of whack. He – who is normally a pretty silent cat – has been wandering around mewing plaintively, and then flopping at my feet, and then either purring when I pet him or biting my hand (usually he just lies there contentedly while I pet him). Is he sick? Is he hurt? Is he bored? Is he confused about where the other two humans have disappeared to? Is he depressed? Or is he just complaining about the lack of a steady, reliable schedule?

What I’m Reading: I did not mean to vague post the other day, when I mentioned the book I was considering DNFing. It was, indeed, Heart the Lover (bookshop.org / amazon). But I soldiered on and as soon as I got to page 20, I hit my stride and then I couldn’t put it down. It felt, in some ways, very similar to The Goldfinch (bookshop.org / amazon) – where bloomed, out of a perfectly readable and engaging story, an epiphany that felt life-changing. Now I have the difficult task of finding a book to follow that one. Any suggestions? I feel like the next one is bound to pale in comparison, so maybe I will just pick up a book I don’t have high hopes for.

I am listening to The Long Night by Christian White (bookshop.org / amazon) (I love the rhythm of the title and author pairing, and the unintentional rhyme) and it’s an excellent fast-paced thriller. I recall reading a few reviews that criticized it for being confusing, and I have reached the point where I understand what all the complaints are about; yesterday, I paused the audiobook and stood in my kitchen, knife poised over a half-sliced cucumber, trying to get everything straight in my head. I think I understand? Well, we’ll see.

Things I’ve Bought Lately: I did a mini refresh of kitchen staples: new pot holders, new trivets, new spatulas, new whisk. It is quite pleasing to retrieve a hot pan from the oven with a fresh pot holder, free of holes and stains and burn marks. I also went a little wild and replaced my microplane… and my new one is so much better I am kicking myself for not replacing it earlier. The only kitchen refreshments I have left to buy are a new kitchen mat and new cutting boards. The cutting boards are throwing me for a loop. I don’t think I want plastic ones, but I definitely want cutting boards I can throw in the dishwasher. Instagram has recently been serving me all sorts of content about titanium cutting boards, but I’m suspicious. Perhaps I want these paper composite boards instead?

In non-kitchen purchases, I bought myself a new foot file.

It works great.

But. It reminds me a little too much of my new microplane. Worry not; I am storing them in separate rooms of the house.

Resolution in Progress: One of my New Year’s resolutions is to appear in more photos this year. At an event earlier this week, I tried to gamely follow through. I forced my husband to take a couple selfies (ussies?) of the two of us. I forced someone’s husband to take a picture of a bunch of the women together. The one of me and my husband resides safely on his phone, where I may one day in several months revisit it with kinder eyes. However, I cannot bring myself to send the group photo to any of the other women because I hate my image so fiercely. I need to. I am going to. The other women all look darling. And I can kind of talk myself into thinking that I look so terrible in large part because of where I am in the group – on the side, right up at the edge of the photo – and also I am holding two bulky jackets and that just doesn’t look cute at all. But I think I need A Plan for appearing in photos in such a way as to encourage additional photo taking. Perhaps I need to study up on photo poses and push past my fear of annoying people to request specific angles and multiple options from whichever poor soul winds up being my photographer of the moment.

Things I’ve Done in 2026 That I Haven’t Done Before: I got bangs! This is a very recent development, so it’s possible that the excitement will fade. But right now, I love them. It was extremely gratifying to pick up Carla from school and have her immediately crow, “You got bangs! They are so cute!” and then fervently wish that she could have bangs. Also extremely gratifying was my husband’s reaction, which was smiling and intense scrutiny for a few minutes until he said, “The bangs look really good!” The last time I had bangs was in… fourth grade? Fifth? I am not counting the over-hairsprayed swoop of side bangs I wore all through middle school.

Special Projects: My dad and I installed a new light fixture in the cat’s litter box room. It took us three separate tries (Day 1: not enough wire connectors; no switch. Day 2: drill didn’t work. Day 3: finished!) but we installed it together and I did a good bit of the work. I’m not saying that I could install a light fixture on my own, but… maybe I could? I did get pretty good at wiring a switch. Things I will need if I ever want to do this by myself: electrician’s pliers, wire stripper/crimping tool, and a voltage tester.

Things I’m Eating Lately: Family friends had us over for dinner recently, and they served us this cucumber salad alongside roasted salmon, and it was so good I immediately bought a cucumber so I could make it myself. My friend omitted the toasted sesame seeds, so I did as well. I’m otherwise in kind of a food rut these days, so we’re doing a lot of Ham Sandwich for dinner around here. Ham Sandwich with a side of cucumber salad.

The Dress Hunt Persists: I am still seeking dresses for two upcoming fancy events. My husband (who was a little leery of me ordering a bunch of dresses online and returning the ones that didn’t work) and I went to An Actual Mall the other day, so I could try on dresses in department stores. That was… awful. The selection was awful, the sizing was awful. I hate trying things on in department stores. Everything about it was demoralizing.

So I finally ordered some dresses, which was my original plan all along. Two have already arrived and they fit and they are fine. The magenta one is better; I like the sleeves and the back is cute and the hem falls at a nicer place on my leg. But the silver and black one is also fine, if a tad bit too long. It should be okay if I can persuade my feet to endure heels for a night. Two others are on the way: this one, which I shared with you back in December, and this one, which I think looks fun and pretty. We’ll see, but at least I have two acceptable options, which is a huge relief.

Skin Sitch: My skin situation seems to have calmed down. My guess is that it was entirely hormonal. I have normal monthly fluctuations in my skin, but once in a while, everything seems to be so much worse than usual. Fortunately, it’s returned to normal.

Speaking of skin, I am loving my current skincare regimen, which consists of a twice-daily peptide serum, a twice-daily application of moisturizer, plus hydrating face sunscreen serum each morning, and a retinol / hyaluronic acid serum at night. (Why is everything a serum all of a sudden?) My skin feels SO SOFT when I wash my face in the mornings, and I have had two people comment on my skin in recent months. The compliments both came via salespeople in department store perfume counters, and were likely sales motivators rather than the truth, but, wow, did those women know exactly how to make me preen. (I did not buy anything from either of them; that’ll teach you to be nice, salespeople.)

My Cat, Still Catting: My cat remains a daily delight.

Okay that seems to be a good round-up of what’s going on around here. What’s going on with you?

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Six for Saturday: Frets and Shopping and Shopping Frets

I am loving the thoughtful comments about whether or not I should tattoo eyebrows on myself. THANK YOU. I have truly found My People. 

Here are six things on my mind this morning. 

School Year Frets In Session: While it seems like a lot of the country has already headed back to school – in fact, school buses appeared this week in my neighborhood like a noisy flock of migratory birds – we are still holding onto the last tatters of summer with our teeth and fingernails. It has become increasingly difficult to ignore the impending school year, though. And I am STRESSED. Middle School, y’all. 

Maybe I need to write an entire post about all the things that are freaking me out about Middle School (top of the list: MY TINY BABY IS GOING TO MIDDLE SCHOOL), but right now I am thinking mainly about the schedule aspect of it. A bunch of wonderful extracurricular activities have manifested themselves, and I am doing my very best to walk the fine line between “my kid would LOVE that” and “if she does this activity we will all go insane.” For instance, there is a local activity that she would enjoy SO MUCH, but it begins at 3:45 after school and school pickup begins at 3:10 and it takes 30 minutes to drive between school and the activity, so it would be doable but only if I got to the carline at, like, 2:30 and she got out the door immediately at 3:10 and we didn’t hit any sort of traffic or need to pee or any of the other delays we have faced in the past. So. That activity is just not going to happen this year, and I have to trust that it will be available in a more workable form at some later time, or it just isn’t Meant to Be. 

We have also signed her up for two sports this fall, which is GREAT. But the one sport is notoriously weird about assigning practice slots – like, they wait until the week of to say, “Hey, your practice day and time is X,” and then they are unable to accommodate any change requests. I learned this the hard way last year, and fortunately the coach was very kind about allowing Carla to be on the team even though she was fifteen minutes late to every single practice because she had a conflicting extracurricular. So: I am trying to wait to find out the sports schedule before I schedule her for anything else, but that’s HARD, because spots are filling up. 

I did reach out to an instrumental teacher who comes highly recommended, because I guess I thought we would have some sort of conversation about Carla’s experience with this instrument and how practices go and whether there are recitals and what practice expectations are etc. etc., but instead the teacher wanted to know Carla’s availability and I don’t know that. Whoops. I guess I should have waited to reach out????

The other sport is going great, but Carla has no set lesson time. This worked fine during the summer, because it was the only thing we had going on. But I need to KNOW. I want to have a calendar that has everything arranged very neatly IN ADVANCE. 

There is an academic extracurricular I want Carla to take as well, but I am waiting until we know the schedule for the previously mentioned activities, and ideally I would want to see how school goes for awhile first, before adding it on, but I don’t know if that’s feasible???? 

And then Carla will probably try out for the school play, but auditions take place later in the fall so I cannot worry about it now. 

I know this sounds like A Lot, but it feels a little bit more workable than last year’s extra curricular schedule. At least now, when it is half formed and entirely theoretical. I just want things SET. 

Friend Visit Fret: While I am fretting about things, I might as well fret about an upcoming visit from my dearest friend. We have known each other for THIRTY-TWO YEARS which sounds bonkers to me. Anyway, she is coming to visit and I am so excited I can think of little else. It’s quite an emotional ping-pong match in my brain right now, what with the Middle School Scaries bopping around with the more Happy Excited Anticipatory Anxiety of hosting my friend. What will we DO? What should we EAT? Would it be nice for her to meet some of my Here Friends, or would that be weird for everyone? Do I need to schedule a bunch of touristy-type activities so she can experience the city? Or should we just take relaxing walks together and then hang out by the pool? I think she is looking more for the latter, in which case I need the weather to cooperate, but it might be nice to do one or two touristy-type things, just so she can say, “Yes, of course, when I was in City I did The Thing That City Is Known For” when people ask. 

Listen. This is my best friend. She is probably still going to be my best friend even if she has a boring time here, even if she hates my cooking, even if hanging out with an intensely enthusiastic eleven-year-old drives her bonkers. I KNOW THIS. 

Here’s why I am fretting: We have never spent this much time one-on-one together! In fact, the bulk of our relationship has taken place via phone. We used to see each other regularly once or twice a year, but I haven’t seen her in two years now, and before that it had been about a decade. Will we have enough to talk about? What if she gets annoyed with me???? Or sick of me??? Despite knowing each other for a million years, we are fairly new at voicing our needs with one another, so I am a little afraid she will just agree to whatever I suggest even if it doesn’t sound good or fun to her. Also, I am a little shy about her seeing me in Mom Mode, which sounds silly even as I’m writing it, but… the shyness is still there. She’s only met Carla once, and for a very short time, and I don’t know, it just feels weird to be this whole other person than I was when we grew up together.

Also, I have asked her some questions like if there are any foods she hates/won’t eat, but my knowledge of her likes and dislikes mainly comes from high school. It’s kind of amazing how LITTLE you can know about the day-to-day life and habits of someone you love very much. 

I am EXCITED, and I trust that it will be okay. But still, underneath all the happy anticipation is a little trepidation. 

My Garden Continues to Delight: Let’s move on to LESS STRESSFUL THINGS, shall we? My garden is still producing flowers and I am loving it. The hydrangea bushes are scaling back, but we have several hydrangea trees that are in bloom and they are SO pretty. We also have an abundance of coneflowers, which are not my favorite flower, but which look quite stunning in a big bunch. The hibiscus are blooming as well, and they are ALSO not my favorite flower (and wayyyyy too big and unwieldy to cut and display in a vase), but they are pretty and a nice vivid red. Now I just need the garden to continue to look gorgeous for a little longer so my friend can enjoy it. 

Who Recommended These Shoes? Because I LOVE Them: My plantar fasciitis is pretty well controlled these days, thank goodness, and I attribute that to regular shoe-wearing in the house. Usually I wear sneakers, but I have been wanting to try out some flip flops because I hate wearing socks, and it is a pain to tie and untie my sneakers all day long. I’ve had this pair of flip flops in my amazon cart for AGES, and I am pretty sure someone told me they were amazing which is why I added them to my cart. But I only just bought them in the past few weeks, and I love them so much. If you were the one who recommended them: THANK YOU.

They are much cuter than I expected; I guess I thought because they are “orthotic” that they would automatically be clunky and ugly, and they are not. Best of all, they are SO COMFORTABLE. I am getting a second pair to wear outside of the house because I love them so much. (Also, they are $30 right now, down from $50, so if you are looking for magic flip flops, this is a good time to go for it!)

How to Eat a Cucumber: There is just no way to write this bullet point that doesn’t sound like a euphemism, but please trust that I am looking for RECIPE IDEAS. 

My husband brought home a cucumber one of his colleagues brought home from work. I am looking for creative ways to prepare this cucumber for consumption. (I don’t really like cucumbers.) I could make a big Greek salad, which I enjoy. But it is QUITE a large cucumber, and also I feel like that’s a little boring??? Maybe I should make this green goddess cucumber salad? Or this creamy cucumber salad? Or this smashed chili-soy cucumber salad? What’s your favorite cucumber recipe?

The Fall Birthday Procession Cometh: Okay I guess we’re back to fretting. ALL THE BIRTHDAYS are coming up in September and October and I am wholly unprepared and have no idea what to get anyone. My brother and his wife are typically very “no gifts, thanks” kind of people, but I would love to get them something little if possible. (They are both outdoorsy, they have a cat.) My sister-in-law and mother-in-law are always baffling, from a What to Give Them perspective. My friend who is visiting will have just had a birthday when she arrives, so I kind of want to have something here for her. (She is a runner and an avid gardener. I am thinking something garden-y? We don’t usually give each other presents, so I have no idea what she might want or need!) My husband’s birthday is also coming up! I have NO IDEA AT ALL what to give him! My mind is a complete blank. The only things that I know he has been looking at buying are a) a new external hard drive, which is a useful but way-too-boring gift, and plus I would need him to give me the exact specifications of the one he wants which would spoil whatever level of “surprise” goes along with “I got you an external hard drive for your birthday,” or b) a new travel backpack, but that again seems like something he’d really want to choose for himself. I guess it’s more exciting than a hard drive, but that’s not really saying much, is it? 

Help???? Do you have any idea, based on the Very Limited Information I have shared about all of these complete strangers to you, what should I get them???? I am so bad at gift giving, and this year I feel especially useless. 

And all these birthdays are right before CHRISTMAS, so there will need to be gifts for all of these people – and more! – again, and ugh. 

Okay, Internet. That’s all I have for you today. Shoe recommendations and flower brags and double entendres and tons of random fretting. Hope you have a glorious weekend!

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Saturday Randomosity: Oh By the Way We Went on Vacation Edition

Oh hi! It’s the weekend and it’s AUGUST. The second weekend in August, in fact, even though that seems impossible on multiple levels. We just got back from vacation and are not fully adjusted back into Real Life. Let’s have some randomosity, shall we?

  • Perhaps you recall that Carla accompanied me on a recent grocery store trip. My policy is to pretty much say “yes” if she points out a food she wants to try, although I reserve the right to limit the number of sweet things I let her put into the cart. I kept close track of the things she actually ate from that trip. 
    • Extra Sharp Cheddar Cheese: I am pretty sure this is still unopened. But that’s because we left town for a week. She did eat most of a giant block of cheddar that was in my mother’s fridge, though.
    • Demi Baguette: Carla ate half of this baguette in the car and the other half for dinner. 
    • Chobani Flip Cookie Dough Yogurt: She ate all but one before we left on vacation.
    • Watermelon: I kept reminding her it was in the fridge and she kept saying she would eat it and then… it went bad. SIGH.
    • Fully Cooked Bacon: I think she ate four slices immediately and then forgot about it.
    • Black Seedless Table Grapes: She ate some of these, but not all of them. I consider this a half win. Next time, I will take my grocery store at their word that we can take a smaller portion out of the grapes bag and buy that instead of an entire huge molds-before-we-can-get-to-it amount.
    • Crepes: She has been eating these pretty regularly, both before and after our trip! She put sliced strawberries in the first one, then moved on to Nutella. (I tried one, too; I found a recipe for a lemony yogurt spread to put inside and it was so awful I couldn’t finish it. The crepe was good though.)
    • Golden Berries: I washed the whole carton of these little guys and ended up eating a few. They had a texture I don’t love, but the sour-sweet flavor was enjoyable enough to override it. Carla ate ZERO. This may be my fault, though; when I ate the first one, I mentioned it was sour, and then she kept asking me if they were as sour as WarHeads. She LIKES WarHeads, so I don’t really know why “sour” would have been a deterrent, but maybe she doesn’t like sour fruit?
    • Raw Slivered Almonds: This container remains unopened in the cupboard.
    • Wax Beans: Carla ate about half of these before we left. Next time, I am going to buy fewer than AN ENTIRE PACKAGE.
    • Ham: Carla ate the entire quarter pound of ham!  
    • Protein+ Spaghetti Noodles: Carla has made several pots of spaghetti noodles.
    • Wholly Guacamole: We still have a whole package left, and I ate at least half of the other package myself. 
    • Cookie: Not eaten on account of walnuts.  
  • Our vacation was lovely and relaxing. We had a mix of rainy days, during which we stayed inside and did things like read and watch movies, and sunny days, during which we went swimming and boating and hiking. On our last hike, Carla managed to attract a dog. This is much more surprising than it sounds, considering the nearest neighbor lives about a mile away in the middle of a very isolated and remote forest. Leave it to Carla to find a dog wherever she goes! The other highlight of our trip, for her at least, was a bird that fell down the chimney into the wood stove. The four of us had to team up to remove the bird (who was sooty but flew away, seemingly unharmed) and Carla thought it was The Best Thing Ever. 
Lake time.
Front yard.
  • Carla and I have been getting into hair styling videos. I have never been Good At Hair. My hair has been pretty much the same style since high school. I can form a rudimentary braid, I can pull it back into a ponytail, I can stuff it into a claw clip. That’s really the extent of my hair styling abilities. So I’m always intrigued by videos on Instagram that show Super Easy Ways to Braid! I have saved a bunch of these videos but have not tried any of them. Carla tried a braid on me the other day. She decorated it with those little plastic rectangles you use to close a bread bag. Slay. 
  • Another recent purchase was a big hit, though. My daughter is always asking, “What does that mean?” when my husband and I use idioms, so I got her this book to explain what a bunch of common phrases and sayings mean and where they came from. She LOVES IT. Oooh – it looks like there’s a whole series of these books! Maybe I need to get her another one for Christmas or Hanukkah?
  • My “vegetable garden” is finally producing some vegetables. Tomatoes are starting to ripen, peas are podding, strawberries are somehow surviving the birds. I have only had ONE LONELY ZUCCHINI. Next year, I think I will plant multiple zucchini plants and only one cucumber. I don’t really LIKE cucumbers, and the two cucumber plants I planted have been prolific and weird. One of them produces round cucumbers. The little card that came with the plant has a picture of totally normal oblong cucumbers on it… so I’m not sure what I’ve done to produce globular cucumbers. I’m just letting it do its thing. 
Zucchini and a normal cucumber.
Why is it round and why is it yellow???
  • Speaking of plants behaving oddly… Do you remember a million years ago when I was complaining about the state of my front stoop? Well, I buying a couple of little evergreens that I LOVE. I bought them from the same garden center, on the same day. I planted them in identical pots, at the same time, with identical soil and fertilizer. I have watered them identically. And yet… one of them has done rather poorly. 
Tree on the left: thriving! Tree on the right: has given up on life.
  • I am thinking about starting a beef with our FedEx driver. Is that the correct way to say that? “Starting a beef”? Sounds more like prepping dinner than I intended, but oh well. We have a front door with a covered stoop and UPS and the mail person leave packages there. This is nice, because they are protected from the elements, plus we know that someone left a package there because we have a video doorbell that alerts us. The FedEx driver does not leave packages on the stoop. He leaves them by our garage, right out in the open. Which is why we did not know that a package my in laws had sent us – full of fun gifts and snacks from Europe – had been delivered until the next morning, when my husband went to work and found the box in a mess of candy wrappers. Some grateful raccoon mistook our package for its own, broke in, and ate every single edible thing within. 
  • Do you know a Cat Lady for Kamala? A friend of a friend created this coloring book and I am in the mood for a little giveaway. Let me know in the comments if you (or someone you know) are interested in having this coloring book, and I’ll choose a number at random and send a copy to the winner! 

That’s all I have for you today, Internet! I hope your weekend is off to a great start!