awkwardness

Five for Friday
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Five for Friday

Right out of the gate I am going to admit that I have been An Utter Failure at participating in Elisabeth’s walking challenge. I have gone for… three walks so far this month. And I have no excuse! The weather has been peak fall perfection, I have had pockets of time during which I could EASILY slip in a 10-15 minute walk, I am in good health and all my limbs are operational.

Well. Today is a new day. I have an opportunity to change my ways.

ROOF REPAIR WEARINESS

Our roof has undergone a total replacement this week. The contractor originally thought it would take two days; it took four. I worried that the constant but irregular thumps and bangs and slams would stress out the cat, so I spent most of the week in the house with him, so we could endure the constant irregular thumps and bangs and slams together.

In addition to the noise, I felt the same kind of on-edge-iness I always feel when people are working in or on my home. Yes, the roofing team was outside, but also they were RIGHT THERE. It was weird to eat lunch at the kitchen table because they were right outside. It was weird to go for a walk because I had to thread my way under and around their scaffolding and materials. It was weird to leave to take Carla to school or for an appointment because it was weird to leave behind a passel of strangers.

I never know how to deal with people working on my house. (I am soothed to know I’m not the only one who feels this way.) I said hello and thanked them for being there. On the second day (what I thought was the LAST day), I brought the crew donuts. But then I felt weird about not bringing them treats on the subsequent days. Was I supposed to be outside, observing them? Asking for reports and updates?

The guy who was overseeing everything – which is a different guy from the foreperson, because he had to call the foreperson a couple of times – didn’t really seem to be overseeing anything. I didn’t see him, for instance. And he assured me that something had been done that clearly had not, and had to call the foreperson to ascertain that I was right. The big storm that caused all the damage to our house caused widespread damage. I know that the roofing people are overwhelmed and have hundreds of clients just like me. I know they are being pulled in multiple directions at once. I still feel a little like no one was steering the ship.

Even though the roofing team tried to keep things tidy, there was trash everywhere. EVERYWHERE. Scraps of roof tiles in the shrubbery. A plastic water bottle on the pool cover. Shreds of plastic flung all over the lawn. Flowers trampled beneath ladder legs and canvas tarps.

By the end of each day, my head felt full and I was snappy and impatient with my family. Unfortunately, this is not the end of the work. The vinyl siding will be replaced next, and then the wooden parts of our house will be painted, and I have no idea how anyone survives any sort of renovation, especially if it requires having people INSIDE YOUR HOUSE. This is all to say, I am pretty sure the entire process stressed me out more than it did the cat.

Anyway: it is blissfully quiet this morning, and we have a new roof, for which I am very grateful.

THE POOL STILL HAS A LEAK

This is the Champagnest of problems, and yet it is rapidly becoming a massive pain in my ass. I have contacted the leak people; they said they could come out. They never give me a specific day when they will come out. They want the pool clean, full, and 85 degrees when they show up. I am spending unknown quantities of money and resources keeping the pool full and heated. With the roof repair, they couldn’t have done the work had they wanted to. Not that they called me back after saying, yes, they could repair the leak this week! My regular pool maintenance guy keeps warning me how important it is to address the leak before winter, lest the water freeze and cause much more damage. It does not appear that there is an alternative leak company for me to use.

I rescued this frog from the pool, even though he may have not needed rescuing. He has, presumably, nothing to do with the leak.

GARAGE DOORS

This is not about how we also are replacing our garage doors, it is about the doors to our kitchen storage garages! In response to my recent post, Carolyn asked, “Does it have a door that goes up and down like a standard garage door?” Yes, kind of! The doors come out and then up. Here is the front of the garage I recently tidied (don’t worry, Lenny is not inside).

And here is the front of our other garage, this one an appliance garage.

I do love how these garages allow me to use what amounts to regular counter space – convenient, counter height, no need to lift or carry – without resorting to the counter clutter I resist with all my heart.

I did TRY to take these photos in a way that looked normal, but I am incapable of photographing anything straight-on.

ANOTHER KIND OF CLEANING PROJECT

I drink Earl Grey tea every morning in the cool months. (I drink iced chai in the summers.) While I have many, many mugs, I typically opt for one of three enormous mugs my husband and child got me for Christmas back in 2018. Over the years, the ceramic has become deeply discolored by the tea.


The stain doesn’t bother me too much, but I left my empty mug next to the sink last weekend and my husband was aghast at the state of the mug. He informed me that he had used one of the tablets he uses to clean his stainless steel coffee mug on my mug, which I thought was probably not going to work on the ceramic. Sweet of him to try, though.

BUT IT DID WORK.

No idea what these weird shadows are. That’s what I get for taking photos in the early morning hours.

CAT NAPPING

My cat is an excellent napper. That is all.

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Friday Randomosity: Holiday Detritus Edition

It’s Friday, my house is a mess, there are wrapping paper scraps literally everywhere (LEO), I have overcommitted to Fun Things that currently feel less like fun and more like stress, so let’s get into some bullets.

* In addition to overcommitting to Fun Things, Past Me also apparently set up eight thousand appointments for the weeks leading up to Christmas. Last week was the dentist which led to yesterday’s repeat visit so I could get a filling. After several teeth extractions as a child, and a lifelong issue with getting properly numb from anesthetic, I get severe anxiety about going to the dentist. Yesterday was no exception. I hadn’t had a filling in decades, and all I could think about was getting those huge, painful shots in my mouth. Now that I am a grownup, I understand that it’s okay to TELL THE DENTIST a) that I am anxious, b) I have trouble getting numb, and c) WHEN I AM IN PAIN. Either dental practices have dramatically improved since I was a kid, or my childhood dentist was not very good (or some combination of the two), but my filling experience was as good as could be. The shots hurt, but they weren’t as unbearable as I remember, and it took the dentist maybe ten minutes to remove the cavity. The rest of my time in the chair was with the Filling Specialist. The worst part about the experience (outside of the anticipatory anxiety) was the music. They turned on some instrumental Christmas music which turned out to be an epic rendition of “Jingle Bells” that lasted the entire forty-five minutes I was in the chair. That is too much “Jingle Bells.” Way, way too much.

* Most of my holiday gift-buying is complete; my husband and I have a date this weekend to go shopping in an actual physical mall to find the final couple of items on our list. So now I am turning my attention to the monetary gifts we give out every year: sports coaches, tutors, special teachers, mail person, trash collection, hair stylist, housecleaner. But I am – as usual – dithering about amounts. The mail person and trash collectors are easy, because I just give them gift cards in the $10-$20 range. Others feel less simple. Usually, like for the hair stylist or the housecleaner, I give what amounts to double their normal fee. But this year, my daughter started seeing my hair stylist, too, so I suppose I should combine our typical appointment costs and give that? Also, for the first time ever, my hair stylist has had the same assistant working with her for the last three or four times I’ve gotten my hair cut and colored. Do I give the assistant a separate gift, or does my hair stylist give her a portion of whatever she gets? And, if the latter, do I need to bump up the gift a bit to account for whatever she distributes to others? The other thing that’s stumping me is people whose normal fees are weird numbers. Like if your normal fee is $35, then I would give you a $35 gift. But $35 seems like a weird amount for a gift, doesn’t it? Should I just round up to $50? But that’s a BIG roundup. If your normal fee is $90, somehow $100 seems like a much nicer gift than simply doing an extra $90. I am overthinking this, right? But what would you do?

* By the way, if you have a Trader Joe’s near you, mine has an assortment of cute holiday cards for ninety-nine cents apiece (a STEAL for any card, let alone a cute one). I bought a big handful of these cards to accompany the money gifts.

* Should I get bangs? This feels like a non-sequitur, but I was just thinking about my hair stylist and how last time I visited her, we briefly discussed Forehead Minimization Tactics, and she said she thinks I would look good with bangs. I haven’t had bangs since elementary school. I don’t think I could DEAL with bangs, honestly. But also, more and more lately, I have been staring at the immense freckled and beginning to crepe expanse of my forehead with despair.

* Speaking of despair, I have a Fancy Event coming up in January and I need Fancy Clothes to match. I’ve been looking at dresses for months now, refusing to try anything on, hoping that I would somehow magically shrink to fit one of the many many beautiful dresses I already own and have kept lo these many years. And now the time has come when I have to face reality and buy a new dress. Nordstrom has a bunch of dresses I’ve had in my digital shopping cart for awhile. I really like this one; it’s fancy, the fit-and-flare style typically looks okay on me, it’s not too short. I don’t love the straps, though; I feel as though my bare shoulder days are behind me. Also, it’s more than I’d like to spend on a dress I may wear ONCE. But then again, maybe if I buy a higher quality dress, it will fit me better? This one is pretty, and has sleeves. I like the color, the price is decent. It also looks itchy, and maybe too short. I love the look of this one – I swoon for a navy dress – and it also has sleeves. And it’s VERY on sale. But is the neckline too restrictive? Does it read too youthful for a middle-aged mom? I like the look of this one, and it looks elegant and very comfortable. The pattern is not exactly my typical style, and I’m worried it’s slightly too casual for an event with cocktail attire. Which one would you suggest I try? I’m toying with buying all of them, trying them on, and returning three. I’ve done that before, but it always makes me nervous.

* This is kind of a dumb, low-stakes question, but what is the protocol for food procurement when you’re meeting someone? I met a friend at a bakery the other day. I wasn’t sure when she would arrive, and she had declined my offer to get her something, so I ordered my little pastry and drink and was standing in line to pay when she got there. But then it felt awkward, like I hadn’t waited for her? Standing in the bakery without buying anything would have felt awkward, too, though. I can also imagine grabbing a table, waiting for her, then going to place our orders together, and feeling awkward about THAT. (There is something unbearable to me about paying for something for myself and NOT for the other person.) Clearly I will just feel awkward about anything and everything.

* Here’s another dumb thing I am feeling awkward about. As I mentioned, my husband and I are going to The Mall this weekend. I rarely go to malls, but I realized we will be in the proximity of several stores that have something I want very badly: a cake stand with a dome. The thing is, I put this on my Christmas wish list that my husband sends around to all his family members, so there is a chance I might be getting one for Christmas. I don’t think anyone (except perhaps one person) who takes part in this gift-list-sharing process really feels like the items are Must Buys, they are more like suggestions. Plus, we haven’t received any gifts addressed to me at all. So it’s a small chance, but it’s still a chance. But… should I take advantage of being in The Mall and just buy myself a cake stand??? This one is kind of exactly what I’d envisioned, and it’s on sale. Or this one is so simple and elegant. I like this one, too, with the marble base. I should just wait until after Christmas, right? I should just wait.

* Leo is loving Christmas. Or hating it, it’s kind of difficult to distinguish between the two. I made the mistake of bragging to Elisabeth recently that I make my own bows out of wrapping paper. I do do that; it’s fun and the results are cute, but they take FOREVER to make. And, of course, Leo thinks they are for his personal entertainment. Or he takes them as a threat to the safety of his home and targets them for immediate destruction. Hard to say. Pride goeth before the fall and all that, I guess.

All right, that’s all I’ve got this morning. I have a Fun Thing today, plus cleaning, plus at some point I still need to address and mail our holiday cards.

What’s on your mind today?

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Five for Friday

It IS Friday, right? I am at the point in summer where I have sort of lost track of the days. I have certainly lost track of the ability to write a cohesive blog post on one topic, that’s for sure. (Did I ever really possess that ability????) So let’s do some bullet points. 

1. Sleep Regression: I have become a baby, internet, mixing up my days and my nights. I have trouble sleeping at night, so I end up napping during the day. Which makes me not sleepy at bedtime, so I stay up later than I intend to. Then I am tired the next day, so I take a nap. Lather, rinse, repeat. I am not a fan, and also I’m not really sure how to correct this??? When I try to not nap, I end up nearly falling asleep while driving, so I don’t think that’s the answer. Probably the answer is some combination of better habits and seek professional help, but I don’t feel like doing those things so I’m whining about it instead.

2. Velcro Baby: Speaking of babies, my actual baby (who is a long-limbed pre-teen) stayed home from camp this week to fight a cold. It’s one of those awful coughs, and the doctor basically said there’s nothing they can do about it at this point. Hopefully it goes away soon, I hate hearing my poor kiddo hack away in the middle of the night. It’s been a while since she’s had a sick day, and she was Velcroed to me the entire time, which I think is as good a demonstration as any that she is sick. We watched MANY movies. Having her draped all over me was both lovely – I mean, how much longer is she going to deign to sit on my lap? – and tiresome. She is heavy, now, and has many more elbows and knees than seems possible, and they are all sharp. I kept telling myself to enjoy it; I would have my body and my time back soon enough, and being able to snuggle with her is precious and limited. And yet I just wanted some personal space for the love. I am so used to her being so independent, it’s a little startling how little patience I have for dependency. It reminds me of the toddler years, and how HARD it was, to have someone touching me at all times, to have someone needing me at every second. Big kids bring along their own challenges, but mine at least has not been as physically demanding as she was a few years ago. If you are in the toddler stage, you have my sincere empathy. By the way, having an 11-year-old cough in your face is just as charming as having a three-year-old cough in your face. Some things never change. 

3. Mosquito Prevention: My legs are covered in mosquito bites right now. COVERED. I have a hideous bite on the back of my arm, too – red and angry. It’s unattractive and itchy. I haven’t had bug bites like these since the beginning of the summer. You know why? Because my husband bought this mosquito repellent device and we turn it on anytime we are outside. IT IS MAGIC. We’ve had it outside with us basically all summer, including during our two recent dinner parties and I came away with nary a bite! But then we went to our neighbors’ house for an impromptu BBQ and ended up hanging outside for about 20 minutes, and I got chewed to bits. Maybe I need to buy the neighbors their own mosquito device??? Or start carrying mine with me? 

4. Automotive Technology: Earlier this week, I found myself looking up automotive technology programs at local colleges. Is this the second career I need? Is this a(n over)reaction to too many recalls on my car? Is this a cry for help? I like cars, but I’ve never really been interested in learning how they work. My father would be delighted to help me, I’m sure. (He tried to teach me how to change my own oil back in the late 90s and… I resisted.) But I often find myself wishing I had more automotive knowledge. Mainly when the mechanic is telling me I NEED a part that costs $800. Maybe it would be kind of cool to reinvent myself as an auto mechanic. This is not going to happen, but it’s fun to think about. 

5. Shame Spiral: I am on one (1) group chat, and honestly I don’t know if a group text is the same thing as a group chat, and those two points should really Tell You Something. Anyway, I responded to a message with something that I meant to be silly and fun, and no one responded, and I have been analyzing it backwards and forwards since yesterday afternoon and feeling worse and worse and more and more sure that my (probably former) friends are not only going to cut me out of the group chat, but out of their lives completely. It wasn’t even that BAD, I don’t think; at most it was a) not funny or b) mildly insulting of someone’s relative’s food choice. But nonetheless: SHAME SPIRAL. Also, I am well aware that maybe they didn’t respond simply because it wasn’t response-worthy, or because they went out to dinner or had to deal with a sick child or sat down to watch a movie or or or. I may be a narcissist, but I am aware of it. Anyway, despite all my coping thoughts of narcissism and “people who are your friends will forgive you the occasional dumb comment,” I continue to spiral. I am the most awkward person on the planet and do not deserve friends. Probably at least some of this has to do with me submitting a short story to my critique group and being sure they are texting each other behind my back about the best way to break it to me that the story is not really a story and also sucks balls. But also I haven’t had A Friend Group since college and we didn’t text back then anyway and I don’t know how to be a person or what I’m doing trying. Fretting about how they are texting each other about how to respond to my stupid attempt at humor is what I AM doing. 

There. That’s my Friday morning for you, Internet! What’s up with you?