It IS Friday, right? I am at the point in summer where I have sort of lost track of the days. I have certainly lost track of the ability to write a cohesive blog post on one topic, that’s for sure. (Did I ever really possess that ability????) So let’s do some bullet points.
1. Sleep Regression: I have become a baby, internet, mixing up my days and my nights. I have trouble sleeping at night, so I end up napping during the day. Which makes me not sleepy at bedtime, so I stay up later than I intend to. Then I am tired the next day, so I take a nap. Lather, rinse, repeat. I am not a fan, and also I’m not really sure how to correct this??? When I try to not nap, I end up nearly falling asleep while driving, so I don’t think that’s the answer. Probably the answer is some combination of better habits and seek professional help, but I don’t feel like doing those things so I’m whining about it instead.
2. Velcro Baby: Speaking of babies, my actual baby (who is a long-limbed pre-teen) stayed home from camp this week to fight a cold. It’s one of those awful coughs, and the doctor basically said there’s nothing they can do about it at this point. Hopefully it goes away soon, I hate hearing my poor kiddo hack away in the middle of the night. It’s been a while since she’s had a sick day, and she was Velcroed to me the entire time, which I think is as good a demonstration as any that she is sick. We watched MANY movies. Having her draped all over me was both lovely – I mean, how much longer is she going to deign to sit on my lap? – and tiresome. She is heavy, now, and has many more elbows and knees than seems possible, and they are all sharp. I kept telling myself to enjoy it; I would have my body and my time back soon enough, and being able to snuggle with her is precious and limited. And yet I just wanted some personal space for the love. I am so used to her being so independent, it’s a little startling how little patience I have for dependency. It reminds me of the toddler years, and how HARD it was, to have someone touching me at all times, to have someone needing me at every second. Big kids bring along their own challenges, but mine at least has not been as physically demanding as she was a few years ago. If you are in the toddler stage, you have my sincere empathy. By the way, having an 11-year-old cough in your face is just as charming as having a three-year-old cough in your face. Some things never change.
3. Mosquito Prevention: My legs are covered in mosquito bites right now. COVERED. I have a hideous bite on the back of my arm, too – red and angry. It’s unattractive and itchy. I haven’t had bug bites like these since the beginning of the summer. You know why? Because my husband bought this mosquito repellent device and we turn it on anytime we are outside. IT IS MAGIC. We’ve had it outside with us basically all summer, including during our two recent dinner parties and I came away with nary a bite! But then we went to our neighbors’ house for an impromptu BBQ and ended up hanging outside for about 20 minutes, and I got chewed to bits. Maybe I need to buy the neighbors their own mosquito device??? Or start carrying mine with me?
4. Automotive Technology: Earlier this week, I found myself looking up automotive technology programs at local colleges. Is this the second career I need? Is this a(n over)reaction to too many recalls on my car? Is this a cry for help? I like cars, but I’ve never really been interested in learning how they work. My father would be delighted to help me, I’m sure. (He tried to teach me how to change my own oil back in the late 90s and… I resisted.) But I often find myself wishing I had more automotive knowledge. Mainly when the mechanic is telling me I NEED a part that costs $800. Maybe it would be kind of cool to reinvent myself as an auto mechanic. This is not going to happen, but it’s fun to think about.
5. Shame Spiral: I am on one (1) group chat, and honestly I don’t know if a group text is the same thing as a group chat, and those two points should really Tell You Something. Anyway, I responded to a message with something that I meant to be silly and fun, and no one responded, and I have been analyzing it backwards and forwards since yesterday afternoon and feeling worse and worse and more and more sure that my (probably former) friends are not only going to cut me out of the group chat, but out of their lives completely. It wasn’t even that BAD, I don’t think; at most it was a) not funny or b) mildly insulting of someone’s relative’s food choice. But nonetheless: SHAME SPIRAL. Also, I am well aware that maybe they didn’t respond simply because it wasn’t response-worthy, or because they went out to dinner or had to deal with a sick child or sat down to watch a movie or or or. I may be a narcissist, but I am aware of it. Anyway, despite all my coping thoughts of narcissism and “people who are your friends will forgive you the occasional dumb comment,” I continue to spiral. I am the most awkward person on the planet and do not deserve friends. Probably at least some of this has to do with me submitting a short story to my critique group and being sure they are texting each other behind my back about the best way to break it to me that the story is not really a story and also sucks balls. But also I haven’t had A Friend Group since college and we didn’t text back then anyway and I don’t know how to be a person or what I’m doing trying. Fretting about how they are texting each other about how to respond to my stupid attempt at humor is what I AM doing.
There. That’s my Friday morning for you, Internet! What’s up with you?
OH my gosh– Ben was on a travel baseball parent zoom last night and WAS TALKING SHIT to me ABOUT THE PEOPLE ON THE CALL UNMUTED!! for over a minute. And! No shame spiral. I want to be that guy, you know?
RIGHT?! How are there people who don’t spiral?!? (Also, OMG Ben.)
Listen, I want to be a person that doesn’t spiral. Like I would sell my organs to have this superpower. But I don’t. And the spiral is real and hard because deep down I care intensely what other people think of me. I know that “what other people think about me is none of my business” but I am going to try to move heaven and earth in my brain to sort out what they think about me and then fret about it intensely.
I hear you. I feel you. I know this all to well and I don’t have any magic solution. Sometimes I can get out of a spiral by asking the question: So what. People might have taken my words out of context. So what. They might talk about me behind my back now. So what. I don’t like that. So what. I want to feel secure in friendships. So what…This doesn’t always work, but sometimes asking “so what” can help me get to the root cause of the issue and realize it’s not as big a deal as I think it is?
I hope Carla is feeling better soon. The someone-touching-me-every-minute of toddlerhood was such a struggle for me. There are unique challenges as the kids get older, but overall I find it much easier.
I love “so what.” That is an excellent retort to the voices in my head. And like you I would love to have the superpower of not caring!!!! IT sounds so freeing!
I’m definitely interested in the mosquito device! Just in the last few days I’ve gotten several bites, ugh. And we’re extending our patio but it’s also been raining for dayyyyys, so I know the bugs are going to be BAD, right when our patio is GOOD. Thx for the rec!
I so remember the pre-teen days when Kate still wanted to be ON me/near me. But haha, those days are LONG gone with her at 16. Now if I move in like I’m going to hug her, I get a quizzical and disdainful look. So don’t worry, you’ll get your body back in no time, lol! (I’m hoping hugs will return around senior year, or at least once she’s in college!)
Hahaha – yes, I am also familiar with the disdainful look. DON’T TOUCH ME MOM. She is like a cat — it has to be wholly her choice.
I’m going to go click on that link bc mosquitos love me (and you too). Whenever my sleep gets like how you mention, I just make myself have one really bad day – I keep myself awake all day and then go to bed at a reasonable hour and wake up with the sun – and it gets me back on track. But that one bad day is hard to muddle through!
Okay, I need to just pick a day and muddle through!!!! Thank you for that push!
That seems especially smart!
I hope Carla feels better soon. My youngest doesn’t sit on my lap (at 18 that would be kind of weird) but I do still get a lot of hugs.
We’ve had a dry summer, which is bad for a lot of things, but good in that we’ve hardly had any mosquitoes. I will try to remember that device for the future, though.
I get self-conscious about things like that, too, even though I’m not in any very active group chats. I second guess FB posts or blog posts.
I don’t follow you on Facebook (or really check Facebook at all) but I love your blog and wish I could alleviate you of that worry! Your posts are lovely.
Glad your dry summer is good for something! Silver linings etc.
Well a couple things here! Mosquitos also LOVE me. Recently SHU (I think it was her?) mentioned Witch Hazel with rosewater to soothe the bites- I keep meaning to get some. Somehow mosquitos keep getting in our house- nothing worse than happily sitting on the couch reading and then suddenly feeling that ITCH.
My 15 year old daughter pretty much doesn’t want me to touch her. Sometimes I LONG for those days when she would snuggle with me- but your post reminded me how hard it is when they’re toddlers and touching you ALL THE TIME. Sigh.
Ah, the group chat. Texting is so, so hard- you can never tell how things are coming off/being misinterpreted. I guess the moral of the story is, if someone sends you a text, or a text in a group chat, send SOME sort of response, even just “lol.” My guess is that people just didn’t respond for various reasons (like you mentioned- being busy or whatever) but it can be unnerving.
You kind of can’t win as a mom, right? It’s always too much or too little!
Mosquitos in the house is so awful! Especially when you are trying to sleep!
I think you have your answer for future host gifts – the mosquito thing sounds great! I’m tempted to buy one but our mosquitoes haven’t been too bad!
I can sympathize w/ the lack of response to your joke. Try to brush it off as hard as that is! You are a kind/thoughtful person so surely you didn’t offend anyone. And someone has to have the last word in a text group and you were that person in this case.
The sleep issues are tough. Do you have any summer vacation plans coming up where your husband will be around more so you can start to shift your sleep patterns back? I have dealt with insomnia several times in my life and it is so terrible to deal with. But you will get back to normal sleep rhythms – the process just might be a bit painful…
You are so right – someone has to have the last word.
Insomnia stinks so much. I have read some of your old posts on the topic and found them helpful. (Although I still cannot force myself to get out of bed and read when I can’t sleep. The allure of my phone is too strong.)
I’m sorry about how mosquitoes love you so much. They are the peskiest of pesky insects. You have my sympathies.
I believe everyone has been in your situation where you respond to a message with something silly and fun, then no one responds. It’s the most awkward feeling, but I figure that people are busy and leave it at that. You did good, they did not, that’s how I’d frame it in my mind.
Hahahaha – thanks, Ally.
I’ve rediscovered my love for naps after recovering from COVID. So I understand mixing up the days and nights. I’ve been so tired lately, I can take a nap during the day and still be tired enough for an 8-hour sleep. 🤣
I hope Carla feels better soon. Sick in the summer is no fun.
I feel the shame spiral in every part of my being. Why do some people leave others hanging? I don’t understand it at all.
Your naps are RESTORATIVE and MEDICINAL, Kari! Take all the naps!
Let’s do the 5!
TGIF!
I am always looking for good itch remedies, so thanks for putting Desonide on my radar! I’m very sorry to hear that you get bad reactions like I do.
I always feel like if someone was offended by something I wrote, it’s up to them to let me know. I can’t read people’s minds (thank god) nor can you, so any catastrophizing is our own doing. It’s sweet but overwhelming when kids are sick. They are very needy and when we’re used to them being independent, it’s hard. (but temporary) I laughed about the coughing because both older grandsons have coughed in my face, not to mention farting in my lap. LOL About the sleep cycle, I have no idea. Melatonin?
Love that perspective about mind reading, Margaret! You are absolutely right.
Coughing, farting, dropping crumbs everywhere. It’s all super fun. 😉
I get that anxiety too, mostly if I leave a comment on a blog and no one replies. Did I overshare? Did I offend someone? What did I do, how do I find out without sounding pathetic, can I fix it, should I shutter my blog and just go away? Sigh.
I had a (mild) cold this week, and my daughter mentioned how differently we like to be treated when we are sick. I want to be left alone to die, she wants to be fussed over. The fussing makes her feel pampered and loved, whereas it makes me feel harassed (and somehow criticized, for being stupid enough to get sick). I was generous and let my husband pick me up some drugs at CVS this time. That’s not really what you’re talking about with your post, but your daughter being Velcro reminded me of it. I used to enjoy it when my daughter was (a little) sick, because of the quiet cuddle time. But yeah, it gets to be a LOT after a while, and I needed her to back off. I hope Carla is feeling better!
Oh wow, you and your daughter DO like different treatment while sick! That is so interesting! I could totally see how fussing could feel like criticism.
And I completely empathize with the blog comment anxiety. I fret over blog comments all the time — did I overshare? Did I make it about me? Did my attempt at humor come across as mean? Being a human is tough!!!!! Also, please don’t ever shutter your blog or go away or stop commenting. <3
Aaand you and I are back in lockstep. Shame spiral? Check (from just this morning!) Sleep patterns borked? Check – although mine is more reading until four and sleeping until ten or eleven when I don’t have a reason to get up (I’ve started making appointments to make myself get up because this cannot go unchecked). Sick kid? Check – although for the first thing (might have been Covid, we’re now realizing) she wouldn’t let me cuddle her and wore a mask when she came out of her room so she wouldn’t get us sick. Then she got a regular cold and I was then allowed to fuss over her.
Our friends have the thermacell and I was skeptical, but once we were out on their patio and there were no mosquitos and then it died and THERE WERE MOSQUITOS. Getting one, stat.
I would love to know how to fix a car just so I wouldn’t feel dumb about cars, and to impress people, but I’m not really interested in doing the work to get there. This describes much of my life, really.
Shame is such a stupid emotion but boy do I ever have it in spades. I hope yours fades quickly.
Awwwww — I hope your kiddo is feeling better!
It is a mosquito MIRACLE, I swear it.
I am sorry you are struggling with sleep. It is so annoying. I know. I have no smart clue. Supposedly you are not to nap when you can’t sleep at night but I also do because I take any sleep I can get at a certain point…
Hope Carla is feeling better soon and you get your indolence back. It sounds exhausting and I don’t want to be in your shoes.
Spiraling is the worst. I do it with other topics but the mechanics are the same. So exhausting. So stupid. So unnecessary. So stressful.
Regarding the sleep issue – I think your best bet is to just suck it up to having a really tired (sucky) day to get back to your normal rhythm.
I’m sorry that Carla is ill and hope she is feeling better (and less Velcro-ey soon).
Your mosquito repellent gadget sounds like the perfect summer hostess gift ever!
The dreaded shame spiral – ugh, there is nothing worse, is there? Particularly if you step back and really look at it and realize you are spiraling for no good reason; that your brain is just catastrophizing.
SUZANNE! I go through the exact same shame spiral when it comes to group convos. Sometimes I can get into this BAD headspace of “wow, everyone “loved” X’s message but I didn’t get any “loves” for mine. Why do my friends hate me so much??” I once BROKE DOWN IN TEARS over something like this. And I know it’s totally illogical but it’s hard not to start spiraling. I have a hard time messaging in group chats unless I’m responding to someone else. I’m trying to get better about that! Anyway, I’m just here to say that I see you and understand this spiraling behavior. <3
I hope Carla is better. I can see how it’s a blessing and a curse to have her cling to you when she’s sick.
We’re lucky that we don’t have many mosquitos here in CA, because otherwise I would need that repellent device for sure.
Ugh, the shame spiral. I wanna tell you that it’s all in your head and that you need to stop doing what you’re doing… but who am I to tell you that when the same thing might (actually does!) happen to me, too.
Ugh, being sick in the summer stinks. I have very vivid memories of a particularly hideous start to summer vacation when I was… hm. Let’s go with 12? Blergh. Poor Carla.
THANK YOU for the mosquito repellent device link. I’m sending it to my mom, who is also targeted and gets those huge welts. Ick.
Also sending you sleepy-at-night thoughts. I have the most messed-up sleep schedule but it works for me and doesn’t impact anyone else so… very different situation, for sure.