resolution adjacent

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Wednesday Randomosity: Assorted Tidbits and Updates Edition

It’s Wednesday and we are somehow nearly halfway through January. Let’s have some bullets, shall we?

Rough Return to Routine: Re-entry post holiday break has been A Challenge. In trying to leave my cozy cocoon, I have a lot of empathy for creatures who swathe themselves in gauze only to be forced, weak-limbed and light-stunned, back into the real world.

Part of the problem, of course, is that we got on a totally awful sleep schedule during the break, and that has been challenging to reverse. I like to think of myself as a morning person, but really, I’m fine staying up late and sleeping late if that’s a workable schedule. As it was for fifteen straight days. I tried, oh I tried, to ease us back into eight-thirty bedtimes and six am wakeups, but it did not stick for anyone. (On my end, I managed to get back to five-thirty wakeups, with a lot of help from the cat, but I have not managed to get to bed before midnight more than once or twice.)

The other part of the problem, in my opinion, is that there’s been no gradual reincorporation into normalcy. It’s just, like, BAM, back into it. It’s got to be even harder for my poor kid, who’s the one enduring school and all her activities; I’m just driving her around, and that’s messing me up completely. The past weekend was PACKED with stuff. Between Friday and today, my kid has had two appointments, a sleepover with her grandparents, five extra-curricular activities, one performance, and a birthday party. That doesn’t even count three days of school. We didn’t get home until after ten Monday night and when Carla had a hard time waking up yesterday morning, even though I let both of sleep in an extra forty-five minutes, I did not blame her one bit.

The cat has NOT been happy with all these shifting schedules, let me tell you. He doesn’t seem to be finding as much interest in his normal suite of toys and playing. His eating schedule is all out of whack. He – who is normally a pretty silent cat – has been wandering around mewing plaintively, and then flopping at my feet, and then either purring when I pet him or biting my hand (usually he just lies there contentedly while I pet him). Is he sick? Is he hurt? Is he bored? Is he confused about where the other two humans have disappeared to? Is he depressed? Or is he just complaining about the lack of a steady, reliable schedule?

What I’m Reading: I did not mean to vague post the other day, when I mentioned the book I was considering DNFing. It was, indeed, Heart the Lover (bookshop.org / amazon). But I soldiered on and as soon as I got to page 20, I hit my stride and then I couldn’t put it down. It felt, in some ways, very similar to The Goldfinch (bookshop.org / amazon) – where bloomed, out of a perfectly readable and engaging story, an epiphany that felt life-changing. Now I have the difficult task of finding a book to follow that one. Any suggestions? I feel like the next one is bound to pale in comparison, so maybe I will just pick up a book I don’t have high hopes for.

I am listening to The Long Night by Christian White (bookshop.org / amazon) (I love the rhythm of the title and author pairing, and the unintentional rhyme) and it’s an excellent fast-paced thriller. I recall reading a few reviews that criticized it for being confusing, and I have reached the point where I understand what all the complaints are about; yesterday, I paused the audiobook and stood in my kitchen, knife poised over a half-sliced cucumber, trying to get everything straight in my head. I think I understand? Well, we’ll see.

Things I’ve Bought Lately: I did a mini refresh of kitchen staples: new pot holders, new trivets, new spatulas, new whisk. It is quite pleasing to retrieve a hot pan from the oven with a fresh pot holder, free of holes and stains and burn marks. I also went a little wild and replaced my microplane… and my new one is so much better I am kicking myself for not replacing it earlier. The only kitchen refreshments I have left to buy are a new kitchen mat and new cutting boards. The cutting boards are throwing me for a loop. I don’t think I want plastic ones, but I definitely want cutting boards I can throw in the dishwasher. Instagram has recently been serving me all sorts of content about titanium cutting boards, but I’m suspicious. Perhaps I want these paper composite boards instead?

In non-kitchen purchases, I bought myself a new foot file.

It works great.

But. It reminds me a little too much of my new microplane. Worry not; I am storing them in separate rooms of the house.

Resolution in Progress: One of my New Year’s resolutions is to appear in more photos this year. At an event earlier this week, I tried to gamely follow through. I forced my husband to take a couple selfies (ussies?) of the two of us. I forced someone’s husband to take a picture of a bunch of the women together. The one of me and my husband resides safely on his phone, where I may one day in several months revisit it with kinder eyes. However, I cannot bring myself to send the group photo to any of the other women because I hate my image so fiercely. I need to. I am going to. The other women all look darling. And I can kind of talk myself into thinking that I look so terrible in large part because of where I am in the group – on the side, right up at the edge of the photo – and also I am holding two bulky jackets and that just doesn’t look cute at all. But I think I need A Plan for appearing in photos in such a way as to encourage additional photo taking. Perhaps I need to study up on photo poses and push past my fear of annoying people to request specific angles and multiple options from whichever poor soul winds up being my photographer of the moment.

Things I’ve Done in 2026 That I Haven’t Done Before: I got bangs! This is a very recent development, so it’s possible that the excitement will fade. But right now, I love them. It was extremely gratifying to pick up Carla from school and have her immediately crow, “You got bangs! They are so cute!” and then fervently wish that she could have bangs. Also extremely gratifying was my husband’s reaction, which was smiling and intense scrutiny for a few minutes until he said, “The bangs look really good!” The last time I had bangs was in… fourth grade? Fifth? I am not counting the over-hairsprayed swoop of side bangs I wore all through middle school.

Special Projects: My dad and I installed a new light fixture in the cat’s litter box room. It took us three separate tries (Day 1: not enough wire connectors; no switch. Day 2: drill didn’t work. Day 3: finished!) but we installed it together and I did a good bit of the work. I’m not saying that I could install a light fixture on my own, but… maybe I could? I did get pretty good at wiring a switch. Things I will need if I ever want to do this by myself: electrician’s pliers, wire stripper/crimping tool, and a voltage tester.

Things I’m Eating Lately: Family friends had us over for dinner recently, and they served us this cucumber salad alongside roasted salmon, and it was so good I immediately bought a cucumber so I could make it myself. My friend omitted the toasted sesame seeds, so I did as well. I’m otherwise in kind of a food rut these days, so we’re doing a lot of Ham Sandwich for dinner around here. Ham Sandwich with a side of cucumber salad.

The Dress Hunt Persists: I am still seeking dresses for two upcoming fancy events. My husband (who was a little leery of me ordering a bunch of dresses online and returning the ones that didn’t work) and I went to An Actual Mall the other day, so I could try on dresses in department stores. That was… awful. The selection was awful, the sizing was awful. I hate trying things on in department stores. Everything about it was demoralizing.

So I finally ordered some dresses, which was my original plan all along. Two have already arrived and they fit and they are fine. The magenta one is better; I like the sleeves and the back is cute and the hem falls at a nicer place on my leg. But the silver and black one is also fine, if a tad bit too long. It should be okay if I can persuade my feet to endure heels for a night. Two others are on the way: this one, which I shared with you back in December, and this one, which I think looks fun and pretty. We’ll see, but at least I have two acceptable options, which is a huge relief.

Skin Sitch: My skin situation seems to have calmed down. My guess is that it was entirely hormonal. I have normal monthly fluctuations in my skin, but once in a while, everything seems to be so much worse than usual. Fortunately, it’s returned to normal.

Speaking of skin, I am loving my current skincare regimen, which consists of a twice-daily peptide serum, a twice-daily application of moisturizer, plus hydrating face sunscreen serum each morning, and a retinol / hyaluronic acid serum at night. (Why is everything a serum all of a sudden?) My skin feels SO SOFT when I wash my face in the mornings, and I have had two people comment on my skin in recent months. The compliments both came via salespeople in department store perfume counters, and were likely sales motivators rather than the truth, but, wow, did those women know exactly how to make me preen. (I did not buy anything from either of them; that’ll teach you to be nice, salespeople.)

My Cat, Still Catting: My cat remains a daily delight.

Okay that seems to be a good round-up of what’s going on around here. What’s going on with you?

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Some Gentle Aspirations for 2023

As has become my start-of-year habit, I am going to list out some gentle aspirations that Today Me believes are important to pursue in the new year. I recognize that Today Me and End of December 2023 Me may have different priorities, so I am not forcing anything on either of us. This may sound wishy-washy, and it is. I do like to strive to make improvements in my life, where possible. But sometimes, my best guesses at what will make my life seem better or easier or more fulfilling don’t result in improving anything, in which case they were fun experiments. Sometimes, they become real upgrades in my life, a source of happiness or pride or relief. I wonder which of the following will turn out to be which?

I broke these aspirations into categories, and there are quite a lot of them. That doesn’t daunt me; I’m guessing a few of them will naturally drop off as I complete them or forget about them completely. 

Personal / Self Improvement

  • Aspiration: Read 70 books. I read 86 books in 2022 and 74 in 2021, so I think this is doable. I don’t see my reading habits changing a whole lot, although there are of course the unplanned and agonizing reading slumps that happen every now and again. If I only read 50, I will be fine with that. 
  • Aspiration: Get a massage. My mother-in-law got me a massage gift certificate for my birthday in 2020 that I have not yet used for, I hope, obvious reasons. But I love a massage and it would be a fun treat to have one this year.
  • Aspiration: Give my line-a-day journal another go. I started tackling this aspiration early in the morning of January 1, and immediately made a mistake. I wrote a few little lines about the last day of 2022, but I did so – in pen – on the first day of 2023. Also, I wrote “Saturday” (IN PEN) above the date, and then had to cross it out and write Sunday above it. So I have already made a huge, indelible (totally unimportant in the grand scheme, I realize this) mistake and I am going to have to fight so hard against my impulse to never open the journal again. Maybe I should just buy a new one. My husband thinks I am ridiculous, and suggested I just skip a day and then start again as though I hadn’t made the mistake. So I am trying that. But I can feel the mistake, infecting the entire journal. (He also suggested copying the text into the correct day, then using whiteout on the mistake, and starting fresh, which – just so you understand completely my particular brand of irrational – does not erase the mistake. It just buries it there under white goop.) So we’ll see whether I buy a new one or continue with line-a-day journaling at all or somehow resist all my innate tendencies and forge on with the inalterably ruined journal.
  • Aspiration: Read more poetry. I burnt out early on poetry last year, but I still find it holds enormous value in my life. Maybe I just shouldn’t put so much pressure on reading it daily.
  • Aspiration: Master two Chopin songs on the piano. I have been working on relearning the Raindrop Prelude, which I could play flawlessly in high school, and my dad has been learning Waltz in A Minor and I love listening to him play it, so I want to learn that one too.
  • Aspiration: Buy some cute date-night-appropriate shirts. This means not falling into the trap of finding nothing appealing so instead buying yet another long-sleeved T-shirt/sweatshirt/sweater that is fine for hanging out at home but not great for Feeling Cute and Dressy and then feeling like I did buy the shirts I am looking for when really I didn’t.
  • Reach Aspiration: Try to keep a spreadsheet of these goals, for tracking purposes and also purposes of not forgetting them until December 31. 

Health 

  • Aspiration: Do a sweets revamp. This is a family goal. The three of us have developed some very bad habits and I really don’t like how they are affecting Carla. She chooses sweets first, always, and I think this is because we always have cookies and candy lying around. A sweets revamp does not mean No Sweets Ever. We can even set a weekly family goal to go get ice cream or buy a candy bar or whatever. On Valentine’s Day and Easter, I will probably lift the restriction for a day or two of unbridled sweets eating. It just means getting them out of our immediate orbit so that they are available when we could be eating other things. Yesterday I collected all of the sweet things I could find and threw them away or put them in a “to donate” bin. (I did leave three – why do we have three???? – unopened bags of chocolate chips in the pantry, but I could choose to donate them at any time.) So that’s Step 1. Now I just need to complete Step 2, which is to keep sweets out of the house for the rest of the year.
  • Aspiration: Do what is necessary to make my feet feel as good as they can. The combination that has had the best results in terms of limiting pain has been stretching my feet morning and night, religiously, combined with walking. Not-walking seems to result in more pain than walking. I haven’t figured out the ideal amount of walking yet, but getting at least 10,000 steps seems to help. 
  • Aspiration: Spend ten minutes outside every day. This seems outlandish considering I haven’t set foot outside in days, but it’s something I really want to prioritize.
  • Aspiration: Buy some winter boots I can walk in.
  • Aspiration: Eat more vegetables. I am doing this for myself, and by extension influencing my family to eat more vegetables (the benefit of being the family meal planner, grocery shopper, and chef).
  • Aspiration: Figure out a skincare routine that doesn’t make me want to claw my face off. My face is driving me out of my mind. It is simultaneously excruciatingly itchy, to the point that I need to take Benadryl regularly to curb it, and constantly broken out. Every day there is a new pimple or five on my face. At the risk of oversharing (I would never), I am currently on Day 5 of enduring a cystic zit that is so enormous and so painful I feel embarrassed when even my husband looks at me. I DO NOT LIKE THIS. I have an appointment with my dermatologist for early February (sob) and I don’t think I can get anything earlier, and honestly don’t have high hopes that he will help. But I need to figure out some way through this. I am kind of attached to my face.
  • Reach Aspiration: If I am reading/writing blog posts, I am walking on the treadmill. I have gotten pretty adept at this, over the break. I’m not sure if I can keep it up (right now, I am typing this while waiting for my tea to brew, and then I don’t want to drink tea while walking on the treadmill because that seems like a disaster waiting to happen), but if I can pair the two activities in my mind, just think how much more of both I will do! 

Connection

  • Aspiration: Get a pedicure with Carla. She’s at the age where I think this would feel like a fun treat. Although I’m guessing she’ll enjoy the foot-sanding portion of the pedicure as much as I do. (Carla, however wants to do a mani-pedi, mainly, I think, because she likes the term “mani-pedi.” She is working on not biting her nails this year, so I am hopeful that she will succeed and we will get a mani-pedi together. Or a pedicure and then a mani-pedi some other time!) 
  • Aspiration: Put my phone away when Carla and I are together. Why it is so hard to choose chatting with my lovely, fascinating daughter over knowing exactly what’s happening on Twitter/Instagram/Wordle right that second is beyond my powers of comprehension. But the days when she wants me to pay attention to her are surely numbered, and also I want her to remember me as an engaged mother not as someone addicted irrepressibly to her phone, so this is something I really, really want to work on. 
  • Aspiration: Find a way to see my grad school friend in-person. We have A Plan, we just need to implement it. 
  • Aspiration: Go on ten dates with my husband. During the early days of the pandemic, we got out of the habit. But now we have two great babysitter options and both feel more comfortable about being in restaurants, so there’s nothing stopping us from going out more often.
  • Aspiration: Get together with two friends a month. This one makes me nervous, because I have a tendency to feel lonely and isolated and then overschedule myself and then get overwhelmed and become a hermit for several weeks and then feel lonely and isolated etc. etc. etc. But maybe if I plan, in advance, to get together with two friends a month, it will feel more intentional? Also, a couple of friends like to go for walks together so that’s a good way to meet two goals at once. Efficiency in action. 
  • Reach Aspiration: Invite neighbors over for coffee/wine/snacks. We have the sweetest, kindest, most generous-with-their-time-and-dogs neighbors. I would love to get know them better, and I think I can (maybe) invite them over, one household at a time, for a few minutes of connection. Maybe. I hope. (I can already feel my socially anxious soul straining away from this idea. And also how do I convey that I would like them to come over without their dogs?)

Work/Finance

  • Aspiration: Finish my in-progress manuscripts (and don’t start another one!!!!). I can do this if I put my mind to it. I am good at writing lots of words. I can do this. 
  • Aspiration: Revise my completed manuscript. I am so very tired of my completed manuscript. But it needs some revision and A LOT of trimming, so I need to tackle it again. 
  • Aspiration: Query 100 agents. This sounds like a ton, but it is fewer than two agents a week. This is doable. 
  • Aspiration: Make good use of the writing accountability team a friend and I set up last fall. We met twice, and only once did we write, but the intention is to meet every week and spend a short time walking together in nature and then devote two hours to writing or writing-related projects. If I complete this goal, it will mean I am making good progress toward my other writing goals. 
  • Reach Aspiration: Take a class in short story writing. This is a Big Scary Goal, but one I would really like to attempt. Maybe when my writing partner returns from his six months abroad, so we could do it together?

Home/Property

  • Aspiration: Repot my plants. A new very cute plant store opened up just down the street and they will repot your plants FOR YOU for FIVE AMERICAN DOLLARS apiece. I have resisted repotting my plants, even though they are all on death’s door, because I am so sure I will kill them. Now I can pay to have someone else do it! Someone who knows what they’re doing! This should be an easy goal to accomplish.
  • Aspiration: Fix the freaking closet door. We have the materials necessary for fixing the door, because we bought them more than a year ago with the idea that we would use them to fix the door, we just need to FIX THE DOOR.
  • Aspiration: Try, again, to find someone to repaint the trim. Why is it so infernally difficult to find a person to do a thing when that person’s job is to do the very thing you want to pay them to do?
  • Reach Aspiration: Gallery wall. My eternal dream, always just out of reach.

Well, there you have it. Some gentle aspirations for the year. Looking at these aspirations, all together, I am wondering if my word of the year should be “consistent.” It’s a word I resist, because consistency is not my strong point; perhaps that is an even stronger reason for allowing it to exert whatever influence meditating on one theme for the year will exert.

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Revisiting My 2022 Aspirations

I reread my post about my aspirations for this year, and holy cats I crack myself up. Like, some of the things are just ludicrous and others I completely forgot about and others (GALLERY WALL) are just permanent ridiculous features on this list. This is why I do this, not necessarily because I am a goal-oriented person, but because it is so fun and funny to me to see what was important at the beginning of the year vs. at the end.

Personal

Aspiration: Read 50 books. Complete! In 2022, I read 86 books! Woo! 

Aspiration: Work out 5 days a week. Incomplete. 2022 was my worst year ever for exercise. My feet hurt and I felt very sorry for myself and just sat around like a grumpy lump. 

Aspiration: Read a poem every day. Incomplete. I was good about this for several months and then just… stopped. I am not a very consistent person. 

Aspiration: Buy some new shirts that make me feel cute and not like a slob. Incomplete. I returned the shirts I got before I wrote this post and once again find myself lamenting the lack of cute shirts – particularly shirts that are date-night worthy. I need to correct this. 

Aspiration: Come up with a workable weekly schedule. Incomplete. My schedule is even worse this year than it was last year, with the addition of all of Carla’s extracurriculars. 

Aspiration: Try baked oatmeal. Complete! I did try baked oatmeal and I did not like it.  

Reach Aspiration: Leave my phone upstairs unless I leave the house. Incomplete. Hahahahaha. I totally forgot about this one.

Family

Aspiration: Eat more vegetables. Incomplete. I don’t think I achieved this in any shape or form. Is it possible that we eat fewer vegetables than a year ago? Perhaps. 

Aspiration: Do more non-screen things together. Complete-ish, with room to improve. We played games, we went on a road trip, we did lots of skiing, we did a few bike rides, we visited a few museums. We can do more, though. 

Aspiration: Do less “forcing” of my will on the family. Incomplete. I had to laugh tenderly at this aspiration, because reading this goal, and absorbing the frustrated/resentful energy that emanated off of it, it was so clear that my lack of Christmas spirit and my annual holiday overwhelm coupled with yet another open-ended school closure had just pushed me right over the edge. 

Aspiration: Go on some dates with my husband. Complete-ish? I think my bar was “three,” and my husband and I have gone on… three, maybe? Or was it four? And one overnight trip to a local resort? 

Reach Aspiration: Have friends over for dinner. Complete! We had one set of family friends over for dinner in 2022! Now that our ceiling has been repaired and I am not so embarrassed by our kitchen, perhaps we will have friends over again! (Probably it will be the same family.)

Reach Aspiration: Stop treating Carla’s needs as if they are mine. Incomplete. I did not do very well on this.  In fact, I think I kind of forgot about it and even re-reading what I wrote last year, I’m having a little trouble understanding exactly what I meant. 

Work/Finance

Aspiration: Revise my manuscript and start querying agents. Complete! I revised the manuscript, started querying, and got one request for a full and one request for a partial and many, many nos. But it’s a start!

Aspiration: Finish my second manuscript. Incomplete. I did not do this. In fact, I did the opposite which was to start another manuscript and get completely distracted by that one. 

Aspiration: Get a financial advisor. Complete! We got a financial advisor, handed over a big chunk of our savings, and he is Doing Things. It’s been pretty much the absolute worst year in more than a decade for investing of all kinds though, so it’s been fun. (No.) Love reading that monthly statement and seeing our principle dwindle. (No.) 

Reach Aspiration: Take a writing class. Complete. I took a very short class about query writing that turned out to be kind of a dud. But I did it. I’d like to take a more structured, traditional class about writing short stories this year. Maybe.

Home/Property

Aspiration: Install a gallery wall in the living room. Incomplete. This item will be on the list forever and ever and ever. We were so busy with the craft room last year when my husband was off and could actually help that we did not do anything about the gallery wall then. While he was home for a week this winter break, I raised it to him as a possible project and he had forgotten that he’d ever agreed to do it. ARGH. Maybe I just need to give up on this one? Despite everyone’s very good and reasonable ideas every time I bring up the gallery wall project, I cannot do it without my husband. I just can’t; he must be a part of it. And if he’s not going to participate, then it’s not going to happen. 

Aspiration: Hire someone to redo our ceiling and paint our trim. Half complete! I did hire someone to come out and fix our ceiling! And he did indeed do that! The several handymen sorts of people I had over to quote us on painting the trim never called me back though, so that needs to be sorted at a later time.

Aspiration: Hire someone to fix our fridge. As complete as it can be! I did find someone to come out and look at our fridge. Turns out, he couldn’t fix it because our fridge is awful and cannot be fixed! Woo hoo! For reference, our fridge is a GE but made by Samsung. It has a GE logo on it, so when I made the appointment, I told the receptionist that it was a GE fridge. As soon as the service person arrived and realized that it is a Samsung fridge, he said, “I can’t fix this. I wouldn’t have come out here if I had known in advance that it is a Samsung, because I have experience with this kind of fridge and it is unfixable.” He did decline to charge me the service fee just for showing up, which was nice. And then he gave me a very detailed and maddening backstory about why our fridge is the way that it is. (Has to do with the type of cooling system Samsung uses in their fridges, which is very complicated but in a nutshell sucks and causes all sorts of issues including but not limited to the ones we have been having. There has been at least one class action lawsuit against Samsung for the issue, according to the service person, but as I understand it, there have been no major consequences so Samsung continues to manufacture the exact same type of fridge and produce the exact same type of problems.) He also made a couple of suggestions about how to temporarily alleviate the issue (empty it completely, let it sit unplugged for three days), which we tried, and which worked, but was indeed very temporary. So. We still have the fridge, it’s still a piece of crap, but at the time of this writing – I realize anything could change at any time – it cools and holds a lot of food and is very beautiful so we haven’t shelled out the thousands of dollars that replacing it would require.

Aspiration: Clean our basement and finalize a craft space for Carla. Complete! This happened! Carla uses it on the regular! I promise I will post about it in more detail.

Reach Aspiration: PAINT THE BASEBOARDS MY GOD IT HAS BEEN 11 YEARS. Year Twelve, still green, baby! 

By my count, that’s half complete and half incomplete. Since these were aspirations and not set-in-stone goals, I am happy to celebrate the successes and shrug at the things that weren’t a big enough priority to address in 2022. But some of these may make an appearance on my 2023 list… we’ll see.