dressing up

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Vanity Project(s)

I have a dressy event tomorrow, and I’ve been spending way too much time and money planning for it. It’s not like anyone cares what I look like, I realize this. And yet I still have been spending way too much time and money. Partly, the What to Wear frenzy is a manifestation of social anxiety; if only I wear the perfect dress and have the perfect hair and find the perfect accessories, I will not feel nervous or awkward! Conversation will flow effortlessly and I will not end up casting about for non-boring topics while the silence drags on interminably! I will say the exact right thing and speak neither too much nor too little and know intuitively just how much eye contact is enough! People will think I am charming and friendly instead of weird and gawky! Partly, I have lost a little weight this year, and none of my dressy clothes fit. Although I never have dressy clothes that fit, it seems like. Somehow, I nonetheless have a closet full of dresses.

My new dress is navy and I love it. It’s ankle length and it’s more body hugging than I usually wear. That makes it sound like it’s tight, which it most definitely is not. It’s just not the A-line/fit-and-flare silhouette I always gravitate toward. I originally wanted to go with gold accessories, but I tried on some gold jewelry with it and the combination read very old. Not sure if it was the gold and navy combo (doubtful; gold and navy together seem classic and chic), or the fact that the dress has kind of high-ish neckline, or if it was the combo on me, but it was not good. Silver, somehow, looked MUCH better. Younger. Fresher. Let’s be frank: I can use all the youth additive factors that I can get.

When I chose the dress and discovered that silver looked better than gold, I cheered myself with the fact that I already own silver shoes. Shoes with heels that are, alas, much too high and spindly for my post plantar fasciitis feet. I ended up buying new silver shoes with a kitten heel that make me feel much more secure. I also bought a silver clutch; I have been wanting an evening bag for years. Every time I go to a dressy occasion, I lament my lack of evening bags. Now I have one. Of course, now that I own the heels and the bag, I am realizing that I should have skipped the silver and gone with burgundy. Oh well. Too late now. Maybe I will have another occasion to wear this dress and I can seek out burgundy accessories for that. Maybe I will also have time to become the type of person who feels comfortable buying this evening bag, which I want quite badly without wanting in any way to pay the asking price. In the meantime, I am placating myself with some burgundy nail polish.

I realized last weekend that my hair needs a touch up. Seems like I need to color it more and more frequently these days, which is spendy. Usually, I get the updates done at a salon. It’s not that I can’t, technically, color my own hair; I gamely dyed my own hair during the pandemic, but I hated it so very much. The whole process is messy and I suck at applying the color and my hair always winds up with uneven darker chunks because I suck at it. Plus, it’s not like the at-home dye kit is FREE. If I’m going to pay for hair dye, I would rather also pay someone to apply it for me. Literally the only thing I enjoyed about coloring my own hair was the little envelope of conditioner that came with the dye kit. It made my hair SO soft.

Anyway, since my next hair appointment is not until after the dressy event, I purchased a touch-up kit with plans to cover my greys. Alas, I have been at Sports or School Things every night and with various service people or houseguests every day, so I have not managed to cover a damn thing. I have a few spare minutes this afternoon, and I floated the idea of coloring my hair today past my husband. In the kindest way possible, he said, “Absolutely not.” I mean… I suppose going with known grey roots is preferable to dealing with the potentially horrifying results of a last-minute dye job. The smart thing to do is return the kit and get my money back. But… I do love the conditioner.

Speaking of hair dye: Carla has been making some wistful comments recently about highlighting her hair. A bunch of her friends have gotten highlights, and it does look lovely. Unfortunately for Carla, I am a Mean Mom and I refuse to pay for her to color her hair. (See also: Starbucks and a cell phone.) First of all, she has gorgeous dark blonde hair with natural highlights. Second of all, highlights seem like they require intervention from an Experienced Hair Stylist, for which a) Carla has no time and b) I don’t want to pay. Third, as I know from experience, once you start dying it is very, very hard to stop. Seems like the perfect thing she can save up for.

While we’re on the topic of hair, I need all your Anti-Frizz advice please. I have developed a pretty effective regimen, involving three separate hair products and drying/straightening my hair with the ridiculously expensive tool my husband got me a few years ago. I have not achieved the glass hair of my dreams, but I’m mostly happy with it. Still, sometimes the humidity overrides the products.

Carla, unfortunately, does not have the time to straighten her hair. And she has not had the same luck with the products. (To be fair, this may be, how can I say this tactfully?, user error and not the fault of the products.)

What do you use to tame the frizz????

Oh! I have a hair related recommendation! I suspect this handy little tool is probably one of those things that y’all have been using already; I am often late to the trends party. My daughter got one for her birthday on the recommendation of a friend and I recently tried it on my own hair and I looooovvvvveeee it. I do worry that my hair will get caught and I’ll have to cut my way out of the damn thing, but it doesn’t seem to be possible. I have definitely gotten a little tangled (due to hubris; I tried to put more hair into the slot than could possibly fit), and extraction was simple, with no damage or hair loss.

I used to curl my hair every day, for many, many years. This tool makes the whole process leaps and bounds simpler, and the results are fabulous, AND there’s a little button that allows you to curl in opposite directions, so that all curls go away from or toward your face – an effect I was never able to achieve with a curling iron for reasons I still don’t understand. Because I like it so much, and because Carla does not love the idea of me keeping it in MY bathroom, I think I need to get a separate one for myself.

I think I’ll curl my hair for the dressy event.

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Wednesday Randomosity: Assorted Tidbits and Updates Edition

It’s Wednesday and we are somehow nearly halfway through January. Let’s have some bullets, shall we?

Rough Return to Routine: Re-entry post holiday break has been A Challenge. In trying to leave my cozy cocoon, I have a lot of empathy for creatures who swathe themselves in gauze only to be forced, weak-limbed and light-stunned, back into the real world.

Part of the problem, of course, is that we got on a totally awful sleep schedule during the break, and that has been challenging to reverse. I like to think of myself as a morning person, but really, I’m fine staying up late and sleeping late if that’s a workable schedule. As it was for fifteen straight days. I tried, oh I tried, to ease us back into eight-thirty bedtimes and six am wakeups, but it did not stick for anyone. (On my end, I managed to get back to five-thirty wakeups, with a lot of help from the cat, but I have not managed to get to bed before midnight more than once or twice.)

The other part of the problem, in my opinion, is that there’s been no gradual reincorporation into normalcy. It’s just, like, BAM, back into it. It’s got to be even harder for my poor kid, who’s the one enduring school and all her activities; I’m just driving her around, and that’s messing me up completely. The past weekend was PACKED with stuff. Between Friday and today, my kid has had two appointments, a sleepover with her grandparents, five extra-curricular activities, one performance, and a birthday party. That doesn’t even count three days of school. We didn’t get home until after ten Monday night and when Carla had a hard time waking up yesterday morning, even though I let both of sleep in an extra forty-five minutes, I did not blame her one bit.

The cat has NOT been happy with all these shifting schedules, let me tell you. He doesn’t seem to be finding as much interest in his normal suite of toys and playing. His eating schedule is all out of whack. He – who is normally a pretty silent cat – has been wandering around mewing plaintively, and then flopping at my feet, and then either purring when I pet him or biting my hand (usually he just lies there contentedly while I pet him). Is he sick? Is he hurt? Is he bored? Is he confused about where the other two humans have disappeared to? Is he depressed? Or is he just complaining about the lack of a steady, reliable schedule?

What I’m Reading: I did not mean to vague post the other day, when I mentioned the book I was considering DNFing. It was, indeed, Heart the Lover (bookshop.org / amazon). But I soldiered on and as soon as I got to page 20, I hit my stride and then I couldn’t put it down. It felt, in some ways, very similar to The Goldfinch (bookshop.org / amazon) – where bloomed, out of a perfectly readable and engaging story, an epiphany that felt life-changing. Now I have the difficult task of finding a book to follow that one. Any suggestions? I feel like the next one is bound to pale in comparison, so maybe I will just pick up a book I don’t have high hopes for.

I am listening to The Long Night by Christian White (bookshop.org / amazon) (I love the rhythm of the title and author pairing, and the unintentional rhyme) and it’s an excellent fast-paced thriller. I recall reading a few reviews that criticized it for being confusing, and I have reached the point where I understand what all the complaints are about; yesterday, I paused the audiobook and stood in my kitchen, knife poised over a half-sliced cucumber, trying to get everything straight in my head. I think I understand? Well, we’ll see.

Things I’ve Bought Lately: I did a mini refresh of kitchen staples: new pot holders, new trivets, new spatulas, new whisk. It is quite pleasing to retrieve a hot pan from the oven with a fresh pot holder, free of holes and stains and burn marks. I also went a little wild and replaced my microplane… and my new one is so much better I am kicking myself for not replacing it earlier. The only kitchen refreshments I have left to buy are a new kitchen mat and new cutting boards. The cutting boards are throwing me for a loop. I don’t think I want plastic ones, but I definitely want cutting boards I can throw in the dishwasher. Instagram has recently been serving me all sorts of content about titanium cutting boards, but I’m suspicious. Perhaps I want these paper composite boards instead?

In non-kitchen purchases, I bought myself a new foot file.

It works great.

But. It reminds me a little too much of my new microplane. Worry not; I am storing them in separate rooms of the house.

Resolution in Progress: One of my New Year’s resolutions is to appear in more photos this year. At an event earlier this week, I tried to gamely follow through. I forced my husband to take a couple selfies (ussies?) of the two of us. I forced someone’s husband to take a picture of a bunch of the women together. The one of me and my husband resides safely on his phone, where I may one day in several months revisit it with kinder eyes. However, I cannot bring myself to send the group photo to any of the other women because I hate my image so fiercely. I need to. I am going to. The other women all look darling. And I can kind of talk myself into thinking that I look so terrible in large part because of where I am in the group – on the side, right up at the edge of the photo – and also I am holding two bulky jackets and that just doesn’t look cute at all. But I think I need A Plan for appearing in photos in such a way as to encourage additional photo taking. Perhaps I need to study up on photo poses and push past my fear of annoying people to request specific angles and multiple options from whichever poor soul winds up being my photographer of the moment.

Things I’ve Done in 2026 That I Haven’t Done Before: I got bangs! This is a very recent development, so it’s possible that the excitement will fade. But right now, I love them. It was extremely gratifying to pick up Carla from school and have her immediately crow, “You got bangs! They are so cute!” and then fervently wish that she could have bangs. Also extremely gratifying was my husband’s reaction, which was smiling and intense scrutiny for a few minutes until he said, “The bangs look really good!” The last time I had bangs was in… fourth grade? Fifth? I am not counting the over-hairsprayed swoop of side bangs I wore all through middle school.

Special Projects: My dad and I installed a new light fixture in the cat’s litter box room. It took us three separate tries (Day 1: not enough wire connectors; no switch. Day 2: drill didn’t work. Day 3: finished!) but we installed it together and I did a good bit of the work. I’m not saying that I could install a light fixture on my own, but… maybe I could? I did get pretty good at wiring a switch. Things I will need if I ever want to do this by myself: electrician’s pliers, wire stripper/crimping tool, and a voltage tester.

Things I’m Eating Lately: Family friends had us over for dinner recently, and they served us this cucumber salad alongside roasted salmon, and it was so good I immediately bought a cucumber so I could make it myself. My friend omitted the toasted sesame seeds, so I did as well. I’m otherwise in kind of a food rut these days, so we’re doing a lot of Ham Sandwich for dinner around here. Ham Sandwich with a side of cucumber salad.

The Dress Hunt Persists: I am still seeking dresses for two upcoming fancy events. My husband (who was a little leery of me ordering a bunch of dresses online and returning the ones that didn’t work) and I went to An Actual Mall the other day, so I could try on dresses in department stores. That was… awful. The selection was awful, the sizing was awful. I hate trying things on in department stores. Everything about it was demoralizing.

So I finally ordered some dresses, which was my original plan all along. Two have already arrived and they fit and they are fine. The magenta one is better; I like the sleeves and the back is cute and the hem falls at a nicer place on my leg. But the silver and black one is also fine, if a tad bit too long. It should be okay if I can persuade my feet to endure heels for a night. Two others are on the way: this one, which I shared with you back in December, and this one, which I think looks fun and pretty. We’ll see, but at least I have two acceptable options, which is a huge relief.

Skin Sitch: My skin situation seems to have calmed down. My guess is that it was entirely hormonal. I have normal monthly fluctuations in my skin, but once in a while, everything seems to be so much worse than usual. Fortunately, it’s returned to normal.

Speaking of skin, I am loving my current skincare regimen, which consists of a twice-daily peptide serum, a twice-daily application of moisturizer, plus hydrating face sunscreen serum each morning, and a retinol / hyaluronic acid serum at night. (Why is everything a serum all of a sudden?) My skin feels SO SOFT when I wash my face in the mornings, and I have had two people comment on my skin in recent months. The compliments both came via salespeople in department store perfume counters, and were likely sales motivators rather than the truth, but, wow, did those women know exactly how to make me preen. (I did not buy anything from either of them; that’ll teach you to be nice, salespeople.)

My Cat, Still Catting: My cat remains a daily delight.

Okay that seems to be a good round-up of what’s going on around here. What’s going on with you?

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Five for Friday

Perhaps you are wondering, what the hell am I doing?! Well, apparently I am participating in NaBloPoMo, although not here; I’m writing a post every day in November over on my book blog. And apparently I am also still posting in this space too (though not every day!), because I am… on the other extreme of the posting pendulum?? out of my gourd??? an asshole???? I don’t know. I don’t expect you to read any of it and I’m sorry. I have a problem.  

A warning. I made these amazing and delicious sugar-free, gluten-free – and yet legit delicious! I swear! although Carla and my husband disagree! – brownies again for Halloween. When I made them the first time, I bought a package of super expensive Medjool dates at my grocery store (the sweetness of the brownies comes from dates, spoiler alert) (I don’t even LIKE dates, but these brownies are good) and my only complaint about the brownies was that it is a pain in the rear to pit all the dates. But! THIS TIME I spotted a bag of Dole pitted dates that was, like, HALF the price of the fancy dates, so I bought that to save both money and time, am a genius. To make the brownies, you pulse chocolate and baking soda in a food processor, add dates, then add eggs and vanilla and pour everything into a pan and bake. Easy peasy, delicious. Halfway through making the brownies, my food processor started smoking and kind of stopped working. This is called foreshadowing. I have clearly not watched enough horror movies, so I just thought it was my food processor’s time. I’ve had that thing since 2008, and it’s lived a long and productive life. Time for a new one. I scraped the date mixture into my blender, which had no trouble turning everything into a nice uniform-but-very-sticky goo, poured the batter into the pan, and baked. The brownies were delicious and soft and I frosted them by pouring some chocolate chips on top while they were still warm, and then spreading the melty chips all over the top. My husband gamely agreed to try one, and bit into it… and right into a DATE PIT. So. This very elaborate and somewhat boring story is in service of warning you to still inspect all of the dates, even if they are supposedly PITTED. I suppose this is the baking equivalent of “never trust a blinker.” Never trust a pitted fruit claim, folks, you heard it here first.

My orchid is reblooming! I got this orchid as a gift way back in 2017. It has rebloomed a few times since then but for the first time in my memory, it has THREE blooms instead of one. I think it’s very happy in its new spot on my mantel. 

My kid attended her first b’nai mitzvah of the season last week. When I first posted that she has six to attend this year, a couple of people had questions. Suz wanted to know, “Does that mean six different dresses and six different gifts?” and Eli wondered, “I want to know what one wears to a b’nai Mitzvah! And what kind of gifts is one supposed to give?” Well, first of all, I am a Mean Mom and I only allowed Carla to get two dresses. (And please understand that “only” is in giant scare quotes because that is PLENTY OF DRESSES, she is very spoiled.) (And also, it’s really FOUR dresses, because I bought her two appropriate-for-synagogue dresses as well, that she can wear to the ceremonies.) What girls wear to the party portion of b’nai mitzvah in our area are short fancy dresses and sneakers. Yes. Together. It is my understanding that the dresses are of the same style as those girls are wearing to homecoming. They are very short, sometimes very form fitting. They do not, in my opinion, seem at all appropriate for a middle schooler. And yet they are The Trend. All of us seventh grade moms have been fretting together about the dresses and how uncomfortable they make us, and reassuring ourselves and one another that it’s The Trend and it’s Just A Dress etc. Much as moms have done for time immemorial, I’m sure. For gifts, we are doing cold, hard cash. It is apparently standard to give money in multiples of 18, which is a significant number in some Jewish traditions. 

I made aloo gobi last week, and it was delicious. (It was not, my husband pointed out, much like aloo gobi one would get in a restaurant, but it was still flavorful and tasty and warming.) In the comments, Jenny asked: “That Aloo Gobi looks good- but I looked at the recipe and it has some unusual ingredients- mango powder? Coriander leaves? Do you have those things or are you making a substitution?” I did not, in fact, have mango powder on hand. But I do NOW; I went to the South Asian grocery store and they had multiple varieties of mango powder so I bought some. I also got some Kashmiri red chili powder. I did not, however, get fenugreek leaves, mistakenly believing (and failing to look up until later) that the leaves are the same thing in my container of ground fenugreek. Oh no. The ground fenugreek is fenugreek seeds, and has a totally different flavor from the leaves. Oh well. Next time. The rest of the ingredients – including coriander leaves (cilantro) – I had on hand, and now I can make aloo gobi any old time I want. 

My CPAP machine comes with an app and gives me a daily score. This is very effective for me, because I like to get an A. Right now, I have a B, which is apparently due to the number of times I got up at night and removed my mask. As Allison noted, “I still don’t really understand them giving you a CPAP when I thought your problem was more insomnia-based, but I hope it helps!” I also still don’t really understand it either, Allison. And now I’m getting a B on my CPAP score because I get up too many times in the night and remove my mask. Am I not supposed to pee, CPAP App???? Or what if my cat is scratching the bench at the end of the bed? Am I supposed to just let him shred the upholstery???? And if my legs are twitching uncontrollably, am I just supposed to lie there and NOT SLEEP? Doubtful; you’d probably dock me points for being awake, too. Oh yes, look: hours of sleep do in fact earn points, and I got a score of 58 out of 70 for wearing my mask “only” 5.7 hours. FUN FUN FUN. 

    Okay, that’s all I have today. If you prefer to go check out today’s nonsense over at the book blog, I will see you there. (This is probably Way Too Much Suzanne, and I get that.)