gift giving

by

Saturday Randomosity: Distracting the Brain from Dream Grief Edition

I did my at-home sleep study last night, and had a terrible night of sleep (not surprising). The last straw was a horrible vivid nightmare about someone I love dying. I think I squeaked in at least six hours in bed, if not six hours of sleep, so I called it quits. Now I’m trying to banish the dream-grief with mundane things like de-scaling my tea kettle and washing sheets.  

Why do some dreams linger? The last dream that lingered was a nightmare about someone I see on a regular basis. He – let’s see; how much do you need to know about how disturbing my psyche is? – attacked me in the dream, and then, upon waking, I had to see him randomly out in the world while the feelings of the dream clung to me and to him. It was not pleasant. Poor guy! He is by all appearances a kind, friendly, hard-working person who would never dream of attacking anyone, except maybe the weeds in his garden. And yet now I feel all weird about him, as though my mind has secret perceptive powers. Yes,  yes, Gavin de Becker would probably tell me that I am indeed perceiving something real about his character (either that, or I am giving my own anxiety too much power), but I really think in this case IT WAS ONLY A DREAM.

Let us swiftly change subjects!

I was telling you the other day that I did buy the anti-cellulite cream and had started using it. I am going to continue using it. And I am also here to tell you that you should never, EVER apply it directly after taking a shower. The instructions say this: “You may start to feel a warming sensation, that’s totally normal! If you’re not into the tingle, we recommend waiting at least 20 minutes after a shower before applying. Use twice a day for best results.” I read the instructions, and found the wording peculiar. But I waited twenty minutes after showering to apply it the first few times, and then applied it a second time in the morning well before showering. But then. The other day I just… forgot, I guess? My husband and I had a date night planned, and I was doing all my normal getting-ready things, showering, doing my hair, etc. I slapped on some of this cream instead of my good ol’ Eucerin. This was the fieriest it has ever felt. And we were on a date! I was so uncomfortable! It wasn’t painful, just… deeply, deeply uncomfortable. I was wearing a dress and anytime my thighs touched, the heat intensified. I will not be doing that again.

It’s got to be working, right? I hope you are enjoying my play-by-play of this experience. I am nothing if not ever-hopeful when it comes to cellulite magic.

You know what I would like to magic into being? My kid’s summer schedule. I finally sat down with some calendar pages and plotted out all the camps that she’s expressed interest in, and there are a few overlaps but mostly I think she can do everything she wants to do. One of our neighbors has also asked if Carla will be available to do some dog walking this summer, which of course Carla is delighted to do. And then there will presumably be A Cat to play with, too.

I am fully on board with Carla having a relaxed, pet- and pool-centric summer. That sounds fabulous, and I am happy to limit the driving I need to do. But I do need her to do SOME THINGS. Maybe not every day, but probably most days, for a couple of hours. Otherwise, the battle over screen time is going to ruin our relationship. I wonder if I could simply BAN SCREENS during the day? Would that be doing myself a disservice? I just know that if I set a limit, that it will gradually erode. I’m not tough enough or disciplined enough to stick to, say, two hours a day, and Carla can smell weakness and will exploit it. (This is not a dig at her, it is purely about my own shortcomings, I hope you understand.) But then again, if I ban her from screens, and then am sitting around typing away at my own screen – which I need to do in order to achieve my own goals – I feel like that’s a massive double standard? I can already hear the relentless arguments about how unfair it is. No. Better to whisk her away to camp for some period of time each day so that I feel less terrible about the inevitable screen time taking place the rest of the time.

(I feel like I have to include the caveat that different kids are different, and can handle screen time differently, and that my kid’s needs are specific to her and don’t reflect on you or your kids at all. And also that my parenting strategy, lackluster as it may be, does in fact involve some modicum of boundary-holding; I just recognize my own limits and the value of picking battles.)

Oh – I finally, after dithering about it for eons, and being terribly afraid I will offend someone, have added a blog roll to my site. If your blog is not listed, please know that this is purely user error, to be blamed on me and my current unworkable hodgepodge method of following blogs, which uses a combination of Feedly, bookmarks in various browsers, and the power of memory which we all know is subpar at best. If your blog is not featured, it has NOTHING to do with YOU. I want to read your blog, I want to list it in my blogroll, so please let me know if it is not there and I will add it. I promise to comment as erratically as I post.

The other thing on my mind today is my niece, who is turning TEN. Even though Carla is not quite two years older, I am at a loss for what the ten-year-old set is into these days. NOT makeup; my father-in-law noted that my niece is overrun with Ulta and Sephora gift cards, and hasn’t really found a use for them. She used to like robots, and this looks pretty cool. She likes math; would a math game be a good birthday present? (I would not like a math game for myself.) A Pokémon gift bag might be cool, if she is still into Pokémon. Although wait – shipping starts at $175? Never mind. Clearly, I do not know my niece as well as I wish I did, so I am drawing a blank. Any ideas????

Okay, that’s all I’ve got this morning, Internet! Hope your Saturday is off to a great start!

by

Follow Up Friday

Some people in the blogging community are really good at remembering to follow up on things. I am not one of those people. It feels like I owe you (or Future Me, I suppose?) a few updates and I am in the mood to try to recall some of the many (many) things I have brought up/fretted about/whined about in this space and never mentioned again.

  • Brief Doctor Follow Up: Since my post, I have had two appointments with my new PCP and one appointment with my OB/GYN and two rounds of bloodwork. A.) I took everyone’s advice and brought a very short and tidy list with me to my appointment last month. B.) Despite The List, I suck a being a patient and an adequate advocate for myself. C.) All my bloodwork shows I am normal and healthy, which is fantastic. D.) It seems like the reason I am tired all the time boils down to “being a human” and the treatment is “suck it up.” (This is my interpretation, not my doctor’s actual words or demeanor.) My doctor did refer me to get a sleep study (scheduled for a few months out) so we’ll see if that shows anything, but I’m not holding my breath. (That was a sleep apnea pun.) (Sleep apnea is not funny.)  
image from Reader’s Digest
  • Brief Gift Follow Up: You were so encouraging about my gift idea for my friend’s big birthday, I decided to rail against my tendency to continue fretting until it’s too late to do anything about it… and order the painting I had in mind. First, I asked my mom if she would be interested in painting the landscape for my friend (she is a very talented painter) and she declined, which I was sort of expecting. But I found an artist who hand-paints lovely landscapes (apparently lots of other people produce digital artworks, so the hand painting is clearly stated on her Etsy profile), sent her my reference photos, and the gift is ORDERED.
  • Brief Cat Follow Up: I spoke to the cat breeder I met two years ago at a cat show and she is going to put us on the list for the next litter.
Actual kitten not pictured.
  • Brief To-Do List Follow Up: I have scheduled my mammogram and sleep study. I have scheduled and attended an appointment with our accountant. A car service appointment is on the books. Yesterday morning, I made a phone call I have been dreading making since mid-December and instead of going the way I thought it would, it went just fine. I sent a boring email that was stressing me out. I finished reviewing a manual I am editing. Today, I need to make a new phone call, but I am going to do it today instead of four months from now.
  • Brief Poinsettia / Vacuum Follow Up: My monstrous poinsettia continues to flourish and continues to drip leaves all over my living room floor. Rocky continues to uncomplainingly do the work of one reluctant eleven-year-old and one irritated middle-aged woman and I continue to love him/it with my whole being. (I will say goodbye to the poinsettia before the kitten joins my household.)
Temporarily relocated for watering purposes.
  • Brief Gallery Wall Follow Up: There is still no gallery on the wall.

That’s all that comes to mind at the moment. Is there anything you’re waiting on tenterhooks to hear about? Do you have any updates for ME?

by

Avoidance and Diversions

It’s February, which means it’s practically March, which means SPRING is around the corner! I can just about taste it in the air. The sun is up when I take Carla to school, it’s still up when I bring her home. Birds are everywhere chattering about their spring plans. The snow is melting and I think we have a few upcoming days in the 40s. I still hope we get more snow because I love snow, but I do like this little sneak peek of things to come. 

Every time I open my news app, there’s something newly horrible and I just can’t tell anymore HOW horrible things are or are not, nor if there’s anything at all I can do about anything, so I have been doing a lot of Avoidance and Diversion. Is this healthy or helpful? No. But is it keeping my mental state fairly steady? I think so? For now? 

If you need some avoidance and/or diversion, welcome to my blog where I will only talk about the superficial and the trivial. In that vein, here are a few random bullets.

  • Summer Fret: Why, yes, I am already panicking about summer. In years past, I would have been panicking about summer camp (and probably would have already signed Carla up because summer camp is whack), but this year I am panicking about no summer camp. Carla just isn’t interested in camp this year, and that’s fine. I asked her what she wants to do and she said, Play with my friends, play with dogs, and swim. That does sound like an excellent summer. HOWEVER… I am not confident in my ability to execute such a relaxed summer without feeling like I am unable to get my own stuff done, or without devolving into excessive screen time. A schedule is my friend, I think, and I need to create said schedule WELL in advance, possibly with Carla’s input. Something like… one or two days a week where we volunteer at the local animal shelter. One Special Outing each week. One Friend Event each week. And then… fill in the rest of the days with a combo of Keeping Abreast of Our Studies (maybe I could ask her to devote an hour a day to math worksheets and another 30 minutes a day to reading?) (I originally had “an hour a day to reading” which seems reasonable and wonderful to me, but… I don’t know) and Pool/Outdoor Time? There might also be a couple of weeklong camps that she could attend for a few hours a day, but those don’t usually pop up until later in the year and I don’t know if I am chill enough to just slap them in at the last minute. We would also like to go visit my parents in their summer home. My dad is always asking us to come for a whole month – maybe this is the year to do it? Or at least two weeks? My husband won’t be able to join us so I think I/we would miss him too much if we were gone too long. Maybe I could try to make it a Screen Free Summer, except for like… a movie on Fridays or something scheduled. I would love that, and I know Carla would too even if she thinks she wouldn’t. What are you doing for summer? Or are we all just hoping to MAKE IT to summer, which seems like a valid consideration? 
  • CBBC: Have you joined Engie’s latest iteration of the Cool Bloggers Book Club? She’s leading a reading of Lucy Maud Montgomery’s The Blue Castle. I am having serious FOMO because I am not doing it this month. But I am planning on reading all the summaries and commentary. I confessed this to Nicole recently, but I don’t think I’ve ever read ANYTHING by Lucy Maud Montgomery. (Even though I own the entire Anne of Green Gables box set.) Am I fired??? No – that’s not the right perspective. Just think of all those wonderful books out there that I have yet to read. Yes. That makes me feel like less of a loser. 
  • Gift Fret: One of my dear friends is having a milestone birthday this year. (If you know me in The Offline World, this is your cue to STOP READING because I am going to discuss your gift in great detail.) (Although I suppose this could be your chance to object to said gift idea? And save us both the awkwardness of a gift that you might not appreciate? It’s up to you, boo.) Anyway, as per my usual mode, I have been thinking about and fretting about this gift for well over a year. WELL OVER A YEAR. One thing that is preventing me from finding The Perfect Gift is that this friend doesn’t particularly enjoy A Fuss being made over her birthday. She does, however, give gifts, so I feel like it’s one of her love languages. We have known each other for more than half a decade now, which boggles my mind, and I consider her one of my closest friends. Not sure if she feels the same, because she is more extroverted than I do, and I have found that extroverts tend to have way more friends than I do, and therefore (?) categorize them differently. But that’s a different matter. I just wanted to give you a little context. Also, my gift idea is something I would usually advise against – I want to get her a piece of art. In fact, I want to commission a piece of art: nothing crazy expensive (I hope; it seems like Etsy has some options in my price range, which I am thinking is roughly the $200-ish range), but something meaningful both to her and to our friendship. The art would be based on a photo, if that makes a difference. And I think I would see if I could get a smallish piece of art – like an 8 x 10 size – so she could put it on a dresser in the guest room if she doesn’t like it enough to hang it up. Why am I LIKE THIS, I overthink gifts so much and I am afraid I am going to overthink myself right into not doing anything at all and then feeling shitty for not commemorating a really special occasion for someone I care deeply for. I think this friend – even if she doesn’t like the artwork itself – will be very touched by the idea, and it feels very personal to her, and so I really, really think this is a good idea. It’s certainly my only idea. ANYWAY, I don’t know why I am telling you all this because I am sort of afraid you will discourage me from doing it and then I will cry because I have no alternatives. I guess I am wondering if you have ever had a piece of art commissioned and if so what that process was like/what the pricing was like, and maybe if you know anyone who does really nice but not horrifically expensive landscapes-based-on-photos. My VERY OWN MOTHER paints landscapes based on photos, so I kind of want to float this idea past her, but also that feels like a lot of pressure to put on one’s mother. GIFT GIVING IS TERRIFYING AND I HATE IT.
  • Valentine’s Shopping: I have been channeling my fretting about various things and my news-scrolling energy to shopping for things I do not need. Mainly these things are Valentine’s Day related. I made the delicious mistake of buying a bag of Sour Patch Kids hearts, which I now love with all my being. Carla probably needs a bag of her own for Valentine’s Day (I am not sharing). Maybe she would prefer Nerds Gummy Clusters. Or a bag of lip lollipops she can share with her friends. Carla has recently started reading The Black Stallion  (and in fact stayed up until 3:30 am on a school night reading it and was then miserable the next day; that is a lesson she has to learn for herself, alas), so I want to get her the next book (or two) in the series. Perhaps I will also get her A Good Girl’s Guide to Murder, which, while not being The Book, is very hot right now among her friends. I am also wondering if she might like a book about being A Teen, since she insists on moving ever closer to being a teen herself. I like this one about general teenagery  and this one about etiquette. I am also saving all sorts of adorable heartearrings to my Etsy favorites list, although Carla does already have a couple of pairs.  I may get my husband the super romantic gift of O’Keefe’s Working Hands hand cream because he likes it better than the paste-style cream that comes in a tub. Oooh, do either of us (me or Carla, not me or my husband) need a sweater with hearts on it? I feel like a heart sweater could be appropriate on other non-Valentine’s-Day days, yes? What about some adorable heart pajamas? I don’t even really celebrate Valentine’s day, I don’t know why I am getting all in a froth about it this year. I don’t even think I have the energy to make Valentine’s cookies like I did last year. My husband and I don’t get gifts for one another, I don’t decorate. Maybe I get excited because Carla is excited, and each year she is excited in a new way. This year, she and all the girls in her class are doing a Valentine’s gift exchange and she and another friend are being one another’s Galentine’s, so they got each other a small gift of candy. I guess I like to lean into whatever Carla’s latest enthusiasm is, even if it does result in excess sugar in our house and some heart-infused junk we didn’t need. 
  • To Dos I Am Not Doing: My to-do list is once again out of control. It’s got the normal stuff – grocery shopping, laundry, home improvement projects that keep getting pushed, refilling prescriptions – but it’s also packed with scheduling things I don’t want to do, like medical appointments (my annual mammogram – don’t be like me! schedule yours now!) and car service appointments and meetings with our accountant. I also have yet to follow up on something I should have followed up on EONS ago and it feels kind of too late, but also I don’t want to let it go. Anyway. Maybe today’s the day I will cross something off that list. Do you have any onerous tasks that keep getting kicked down the road?

I intended to write more bullets than these, but these are QUITE long as they are, and I need to get to work. I hope you are hanging in there.