Valentine’s Day

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Avoidance and Diversions

It’s February, which means it’s practically March, which means SPRING is around the corner! I can just about taste it in the air. The sun is up when I take Carla to school, it’s still up when I bring her home. Birds are everywhere chattering about their spring plans. The snow is melting and I think we have a few upcoming days in the 40s. I still hope we get more snow because I love snow, but I do like this little sneak peek of things to come. 

Every time I open my news app, there’s something newly horrible and I just can’t tell anymore HOW horrible things are or are not, nor if there’s anything at all I can do about anything, so I have been doing a lot of Avoidance and Diversion. Is this healthy or helpful? No. But is it keeping my mental state fairly steady? I think so? For now? 

If you need some avoidance and/or diversion, welcome to my blog where I will only talk about the superficial and the trivial. In that vein, here are a few random bullets.

  • Summer Fret: Why, yes, I am already panicking about summer. In years past, I would have been panicking about summer camp (and probably would have already signed Carla up because summer camp is whack), but this year I am panicking about no summer camp. Carla just isn’t interested in camp this year, and that’s fine. I asked her what she wants to do and she said, Play with my friends, play with dogs, and swim. That does sound like an excellent summer. HOWEVER… I am not confident in my ability to execute such a relaxed summer without feeling like I am unable to get my own stuff done, or without devolving into excessive screen time. A schedule is my friend, I think, and I need to create said schedule WELL in advance, possibly with Carla’s input. Something like… one or two days a week where we volunteer at the local animal shelter. One Special Outing each week. One Friend Event each week. And then… fill in the rest of the days with a combo of Keeping Abreast of Our Studies (maybe I could ask her to devote an hour a day to math worksheets and another 30 minutes a day to reading?) (I originally had “an hour a day to reading” which seems reasonable and wonderful to me, but… I don’t know) and Pool/Outdoor Time? There might also be a couple of weeklong camps that she could attend for a few hours a day, but those don’t usually pop up until later in the year and I don’t know if I am chill enough to just slap them in at the last minute. We would also like to go visit my parents in their summer home. My dad is always asking us to come for a whole month – maybe this is the year to do it? Or at least two weeks? My husband won’t be able to join us so I think I/we would miss him too much if we were gone too long. Maybe I could try to make it a Screen Free Summer, except for like… a movie on Fridays or something scheduled. I would love that, and I know Carla would too even if she thinks she wouldn’t. What are you doing for summer? Or are we all just hoping to MAKE IT to summer, which seems like a valid consideration? 
  • CBBC: Have you joined Engie’s latest iteration of the Cool Bloggers Book Club? She’s leading a reading of Lucy Maud Montgomery’s The Blue Castle. I am having serious FOMO because I am not doing it this month. But I am planning on reading all the summaries and commentary. I confessed this to Nicole recently, but I don’t think I’ve ever read ANYTHING by Lucy Maud Montgomery. (Even though I own the entire Anne of Green Gables box set.) Am I fired??? No – that’s not the right perspective. Just think of all those wonderful books out there that I have yet to read. Yes. That makes me feel like less of a loser. 
  • Gift Fret: One of my dear friends is having a milestone birthday this year. (If you know me in The Offline World, this is your cue to STOP READING because I am going to discuss your gift in great detail.) (Although I suppose this could be your chance to object to said gift idea? And save us both the awkwardness of a gift that you might not appreciate? It’s up to you, boo.) Anyway, as per my usual mode, I have been thinking about and fretting about this gift for well over a year. WELL OVER A YEAR. One thing that is preventing me from finding The Perfect Gift is that this friend doesn’t particularly enjoy A Fuss being made over her birthday. She does, however, give gifts, so I feel like it’s one of her love languages. We have known each other for more than half a decade now, which boggles my mind, and I consider her one of my closest friends. Not sure if she feels the same, because she is more extroverted than I do, and I have found that extroverts tend to have way more friends than I do, and therefore (?) categorize them differently. But that’s a different matter. I just wanted to give you a little context. Also, my gift idea is something I would usually advise against – I want to get her a piece of art. In fact, I want to commission a piece of art: nothing crazy expensive (I hope; it seems like Etsy has some options in my price range, which I am thinking is roughly the $200-ish range), but something meaningful both to her and to our friendship. The art would be based on a photo, if that makes a difference. And I think I would see if I could get a smallish piece of art – like an 8 x 10 size – so she could put it on a dresser in the guest room if she doesn’t like it enough to hang it up. Why am I LIKE THIS, I overthink gifts so much and I am afraid I am going to overthink myself right into not doing anything at all and then feeling shitty for not commemorating a really special occasion for someone I care deeply for. I think this friend – even if she doesn’t like the artwork itself – will be very touched by the idea, and it feels very personal to her, and so I really, really think this is a good idea. It’s certainly my only idea. ANYWAY, I don’t know why I am telling you all this because I am sort of afraid you will discourage me from doing it and then I will cry because I have no alternatives. I guess I am wondering if you have ever had a piece of art commissioned and if so what that process was like/what the pricing was like, and maybe if you know anyone who does really nice but not horrifically expensive landscapes-based-on-photos. My VERY OWN MOTHER paints landscapes based on photos, so I kind of want to float this idea past her, but also that feels like a lot of pressure to put on one’s mother. GIFT GIVING IS TERRIFYING AND I HATE IT.
  • Valentine’s Shopping: I have been channeling my fretting about various things and my news-scrolling energy to shopping for things I do not need. Mainly these things are Valentine’s Day related. I made the delicious mistake of buying a bag of Sour Patch Kids hearts, which I now love with all my being. Carla probably needs a bag of her own for Valentine’s Day (I am not sharing). Maybe she would prefer Nerds Gummy Clusters. Or a bag of lip lollipops she can share with her friends. Carla has recently started reading The Black Stallion  (and in fact stayed up until 3:30 am on a school night reading it and was then miserable the next day; that is a lesson she has to learn for herself, alas), so I want to get her the next book (or two) in the series. Perhaps I will also get her A Good Girl’s Guide to Murder, which, while not being The Book, is very hot right now among her friends. I am also wondering if she might like a book about being A Teen, since she insists on moving ever closer to being a teen herself. I like this one about general teenagery  and this one about etiquette. I am also saving all sorts of adorable heartearrings to my Etsy favorites list, although Carla does already have a couple of pairs.  I may get my husband the super romantic gift of O’Keefe’s Working Hands hand cream because he likes it better than the paste-style cream that comes in a tub. Oooh, do either of us (me or Carla, not me or my husband) need a sweater with hearts on it? I feel like a heart sweater could be appropriate on other non-Valentine’s-Day days, yes? What about some adorable heart pajamas? I don’t even really celebrate Valentine’s day, I don’t know why I am getting all in a froth about it this year. I don’t even think I have the energy to make Valentine’s cookies like I did last year. My husband and I don’t get gifts for one another, I don’t decorate. Maybe I get excited because Carla is excited, and each year she is excited in a new way. This year, she and all the girls in her class are doing a Valentine’s gift exchange and she and another friend are being one another’s Galentine’s, so they got each other a small gift of candy. I guess I like to lean into whatever Carla’s latest enthusiasm is, even if it does result in excess sugar in our house and some heart-infused junk we didn’t need. 
  • To Dos I Am Not Doing: My to-do list is once again out of control. It’s got the normal stuff – grocery shopping, laundry, home improvement projects that keep getting pushed, refilling prescriptions – but it’s also packed with scheduling things I don’t want to do, like medical appointments (my annual mammogram – don’t be like me! schedule yours now!) and car service appointments and meetings with our accountant. I also have yet to follow up on something I should have followed up on EONS ago and it feels kind of too late, but also I don’t want to let it go. Anyway. Maybe today’s the day I will cross something off that list. Do you have any onerous tasks that keep getting kicked down the road?

I intended to write more bullets than these, but these are QUITE long as they are, and I need to get to work. I hope you are hanging in there. 

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Five for Friday + Mini Giveaway

1. For Valentine’s Day, I made two kinds of cookies. I had some leftover scraps of dough, so I cut out little hearts and whipped up a strawberry buttercream frosting and made little sandwiches. They were cute and tasty. Then I added a few cookies to these adorable plates I found at the grocery store of all places and gave them to a couple of local friends.

    My husband and I exchanged cards and candy and we got Carla a bunch of candy and a little pink bunny. (Side note: I happened to be near a Kohl’s recently and went in, remembering the luck I’d had finding stocking stuffers there. They had one tiny Valentine’s Day display and the rest of the holiday products were related to Easter. And not just bunnies — they had a strange array of large, weary-looking pigs, which seems a little odd for Easter. I mean, I would look weary if I were a stuffed animal on display in a Kohl’s too, that’s gotta be a hard job, but they were not particularly cute or cuddly and really seemed like they were counting the hours until they could clock out. I DID find one small, pink bunny and snapped it up.) Carla also cut out a bunch of paper hearts and stuck them all over the walls of the house. It was adorable and the hearts are still up and may remain for months.

    2. A recent parent interaction has me feeling cranky. And ranty, just to warn you. I was at a school event and several of us were discussing various challenges our kids are having, as one does, and the topic turned to leaving our kids at home alone. I was struck, once again, by how adamant some people are that their way is The Only Way. The comments ran the spectrum from, “Oh my gosh, I would NEVER leave a kid that age alone!” to “There is NO REASON a kid that age can’t stay at home by themselves for reasonable periods of time.” With equal emphasis and near outrage. 

    I don’t know why, after nearly eleven years of being a parent, I am still surprised by people’s inability to consider the wide array of differences in our situations, upbringings, and specific children, but I guess I am. I’m guilty of it too – I still cringe, remembering how I’d mentioned to a friend that I OF COURSE make my child sit in the back seat because the American Pediatric Association says it’s best to have them sit in the backseat until age 13… and then she’d gently noted that her child is not yet 13 and sits in the passenger seat. Gah. When I KNOW that she is a wonderful, thoughtful parent and also know that MANY of my kid’s cohort sit in the front seat of their parents’ cars, for a wide variety of reasons I cannot begin to know because I am not them. (ALSO, lest you have a moment of panic about your own car-seating choices, the APA data on why age thirteen is a magical turning point for kids suddenly being safe to sit in the front seat is not super persuasive! I have read it!) 

    Okay – there are obviously some parenting choices that are less safe than others; if we’re talking about an infant in the front seat, that would be different; if we’re talking about a child riding in a car without restraints, that would be different. But there are SO MANY things that have NO SINGLE RIGHT WAY and yet some people seem incapable of understanding that there are many equally fine ways to do a thing. 

    This comes up every time I mention that my daughter needs melatonin to fall asleep. People have strong feelings about melatonin! As they should! And yet I have Reasons – and have carefully considered the angles and have consulted with multiple physicians and continually revisit whether it’s a good idea in our particular case for our particular child. It’s just so frustrating when someone says, “I would never give my kid melatonin” or “If she’s tired enough, she’ll fall asleep on her own” or “She clearly needs more physical activity during the day, that’ll help her sleep” as though they know. 

    And this happens with everything! I have had people scold me for allowing my child to wash her own hair. Does she do a great job? Not particularly. But am I weighing Other Factors? YES. The ways we judge one another are endless! Food – frequency, type, preparation. Buying clothing at Target vs upscale department stores. Bedtime. Age-appropriate chores/responsibilities. Sleepovers. Access to devices. 

    Screen time is a big one. For my particular kid, screens are a no-go on weekdays. There are REASONS for this. Do I despise screens? Not really, no. Would I love to be able to set her up with a TV show after school while I make dinner? Sure! Would it be much more convenient if I could say yes to her playing a video game after she does her homework? Definitely. BUT IT DOES NOT WORK FOR US. I have no concerns about YOUR family’s screen time choices. None! If your kid has unlimited screen time every day, I am sure that is a choice you made based on what’s best for your kid and your family. (Please note that I am aware too much screen time can have a negative impact on children. I am not advocating setting your three-year-old in front of a screen all day every day, although of course there are still probably Reasons someone might make that choice! Like if that is the only way you can work the job that allows you to feed your family or if you are so sick or pregnant you cannot do anything else or all sorts of other situations I know nothing about.) If you ask me about screen time for my kid, I am neither judging you for your own screen time limits nor inviting you to say, “Come on, an hour of Netflix after school isn’t going to hurt anyone.” 

    I know I cannot SOLVE this problem, and all I can do is surround myself with people who say things like, “This is what we have found works for us,” and who don’t make black-and-white accusatory statements about what I SHOULD and SHOULD NOT be doing without having all the information I am trying to balance, but I am SO SICK OF IT. Listen. I am not saying that I am completely free of judgment. We all judge one another, to some extent, because usually we think our choices are The Right Ones. But… I try really hard to acknowledge that we all have different value systems and different priorities and that, mostly, we are all trying our very best. Also, we can all judge one another SILENTLY. It is hard enough to be a parent, turning to other parents for support about choices that you have made based on Reasons but maybe you aren’t really sure are the BEST choices, as in my case with the melatonin, you are just doing the best you can with the information you have, without having someone who is not an expert, especially on YOUR CHILD, say you are Doing It Wrong. 

    Wow. I really got fired up about that. MOVING ON.

    3. Accidental laundry efficiency hack? Laundry is my nemesis. I am pretty good about sorting the clothing into piles, and pretty good about putting the piles into the washing machine and washing them. I am less good about remembering to dry the freshly washed clothing, and then really terrible about folding the clothing. Yesterday, I had two loads of clean, dry laundry to fold and I was dreading it. I had a little more than twenty minutes before I needed to leave to pick up Carla from school and I just wanted to finish my book. So I made a deal with myself: I would set my timer for six minutes, and fold laundry until the timer went off. Then I would go read for fifteen minutes. Even a little progress on the laundry would make me feel better about it, I reasoned. Plus, sometimes if you get started on an onerous task, momentum will carry you through. I set my timer for six minutes, started folding… and FINISHED BOTH LOADS IN SIX MINUTES. How is that possible? In my head, folding laundry takes HOURS. But two loads took six minutes! (To be fair, I don’t fold all of Carla’s clothes, because a lot of them hang up in her closet. Also, I only put away my own laundry – my husband and Carla ostensibly move their clothes from my bed to their own drawers/hangers.) It was an astonishing and bolstering discovery. Has this new knowledge prompted me to fold the clean and dry load of laundry that is currently hanging out in the dryer? No, it has not.

    4. How about a little mid-February giveaway? Amazon has issued me a refund for a product I did not return. I ordered a book and have not returned it; it’s right next to me as I type this. Nor have I returned anything else. And yet I got an email from Amazon saying they had processed my refund. I would like to pay for a product I received and kept, so I looked online at my options… and the only option I found (“cancel my return”) simply took me in a loop back to the returns page. I was able to chat with an associate, and they said I could keep the item. Seems like the perfect excuse to do a little giveaway. I have $14.40 in money that I should not have, which is the perfect amount for a paperback book that you’ve been meaning to read for a few years but haven’t gotten around to. If you want the chance to get a free paperback book, and are willing to share your address with me, let me know in the comments what backlist book you would order. I will randomly choose someone and send them the book of their choice, compliments of Amazon. Unfortunately, I will only be able to include US readers in this mini giveaway, which is a huge bummer. But if you are from outside the US, I am still interested in whatever backlist book you have been meaning to read but haven’t gotten to yet. Let’s say this giveaway is open until midnight on Monday, February 19 or until Feedly decides to say I wrote this post, whichever comes LAST.

    5. I am suffering from home maintenance burnout. This past fall, when we moved to our new house, we had to do so many things, some elective, others more urgent… and I grew so very weary of all of them.  But that doesn’t mean we are DONE with the home maintenance issues. I feel like they continue to pile up. This includes things I knew about last year that I intentionally put off until the spring (getting a tree cut back, finding a pool person, getting our air ducts cleaned, looking into the carpenter bees issue with our roof) as well as things that have cropped up in the interim (some electrical issues, a leak in our furnace, also our furnace is making a weird noise, our doorbell is caput). But I am having such a mental block to doing the things. Maybe if I write about it here, the guilt and self-consciousness will spur me to schedule at least one of them? Maybe I need to apply my laundry efficiency hack to making home maintenance phone calls, somehow? (Except they always drag on so much longer than they should, and require research and multiple phone calls and visits. This is part of the problem.)

    That’s all I have for today, Internet. Hope you have a wonderful weekend! 

    by

    Five Food Related Topics for Friday

    1. First Attempt at Tuna Salad: Bolstered by everyone’s suggestions Monday, I bought some solid white tuna and made tuna salad. I used the America’s Test Kitchen recipe as a jumping off point, and then added red bell pepper. I also substituted pickle juice for pickles (I don’t like pickles in my tuna salad, although I do like celery and red onion), ignored the request that I add fresh parsley (parsley can die in a fire), and squeezed on some lemon juice. I also add capers to my sandwich before eating, although I don’t like mixing capers into the tuna salad itself for reasons I haven’t fully excavated from my soul. I sort of squinted so that the tuna in the can was blurry, and then added it to a mixing bowl and immediately put the other ingredients on top of it and stirred everything together so I didn’t have to think about the color of the tuna. It turned out okay. I think the tuna salad I love has more mayonnaise than I am willing to add to my own tuna salad, because I ostensibly don’t like mayonnaise. 

    Next time, I will use more mayonnaise and less mustard; I can put mustard on the bread. I also want to make this mini focaccia because I like tuna salad on focaccia. 

    2. Finger Food: In addition to tuna salad, I have been thinking about food a lot this week because we are having guests for the Super Bowl. There is almost nothing I like better than an excuse to make a bunch of fun and tasty appetizers that can be eaten in front of the TV.

    We are having two guests, which brings the total of people who will presumably be eating food to five, although counting Carla is probably dumb because she will only eat chips and guacamole, nothing else. (She asked me to buy TWO bags of Lays and TWO bags of Tostitos because she is anticipating a LOT of chip eating.) Keep that in mind as I lay out all the many, many things I am slavering over. We will probably do one of the below things, plus some veggies. Our guests are bringing meatballs. And my husband is making seven layer dip (with taco meat and without olives) because that is the food that is calling to his heart. 

    • Air Fryer Bang Bang Salmon Bites: At various points my Instagram feed seems FULL of people making delicious looking salmon bites in the air fryer. I would love to try these and they seem perfect for a party. 
    • Bunless Cheeseburger Bites: These are adorable and they have the added benefits of being carb-free AND something that Carla would potentially eat. I am not crazy about making burgers in a frying pan though… if only I had additional air fryers to call into service.

    • Air Fryer Buffalo Cauliflower      : I am not much for buffalo wings, but I do love spicy cauliflower.
    • Mini Crabcakes: I really, really want to eat some crabcakes on Sunday and found a package of mini ones in my grocery store’s freezer section. But the price is deterring me. I could make them on my own. But… after the cost of crab claw meat and then making them myself, I wonder if it might not come out to more hassle than it’s worth?
    • Air Fryer Artichoke Hearts: Why does this sound so delicious??? I think only I and one of our guests will eat these, so probably they won’t make the final cut. But I am eyeing them!
    • Endive with Goat Cheese and Candied Nuts: I had this appetizer at a party a million years ago and it was so fresh and delicious and it is VERY EASY to make. You dollop some goat cheese on an endive leaf, add a few candied nuts, and then drizzle with balsamic reduction. This recipe that includes blood oranges sounds appealing, too. 
    • Spinach Artichoke Zucchini Bites: YUM. If I can find some pre-made spinach and artichoke dip at the grocery store, I might do these in addition to whatever else I choose. 

    Are you planning to watch the Super Bowl? If so, what kind of snacks do you hope to eat? If not, what’s your favorite party appetizer to make or eat? 

    3. Valentine’s Sweets: The Super Bowl will be followed closely by Valentine’s Day. Carla is SO INTO Valentine’s Day this year, and I love it. She and I scrolled through a billion options online for her to buy for her classmates and then she also made everyone a friendship bracelet. She filled all of them out the day they arrived in the mail. She also wanted a special Valentine’s Day outfit, and, while we were unable to track down the ideal dress she had in her mind (which I think was a floor length gown of tulle and sequins, which I expressly said she could not wear to school), we did find some adorable pink clothing at Target that she has already set aside for The Day. 

    This is all to say that I am very into making Valentine’s cookies this year. I really want to make two kinds of cookies. Well, in reality, I want to make three or more kinds of cookies and then make up Valentine’s Day cookie plates for all our neighbors but that seems a little extra even for me. So I have reined it in to two varieties. I am pretty sure I want to make these stripey heart cookies because they are darling. However, I have made them in the past and if memory and my blog serve me, they were somewhat prettier than they were delicious. 

    I definitely want to make something chocolate. Carla’s old standby is the chocolate snickerdoodle, which I think is delicious and also fun because it is unusual. But my husband isn’t a huge fan of them. Perhaps these brownie crinkle cookies would be good instead? The idea of a brownie in cookie form is delightful. These cinnamon cookies with Red Hots are very appealing to me as well, not in small part because they have cream cheese frosting and I adore a frosted cookie. But I’m not sure where I would find Red Hots? They aren’t something I’ve seen in awhile. I have been tossing around the idea of making raspberry macarons. I haven’t made macarons in a long while and they are delicious and festive. (But also kind of fussy.)

    I could always go the cupcake route instead of cookies. Carla has been talking about Nutella quite a bit lately, and these strawberry, vanilla, and chocolate cupcakes are filled with Nutella. I would vastly prefer to make vanilla cupcakes with raspberry filling and raspberry buttercream – but maybe if I make the Nutella ones I won’t eat them all. 

    If you make sweets especially for Valentine’s Day, what is your favorite?

    4. Grocery Store Swap: Since I have successfully reintroduced yogurt into my diet (hooray!!!!) I have been testing out different yogurt varietals. My current favorite is the Fage 0% blended cherry yogurt. (I cannot stand fruit on the bottom yogurt.) But I can only find it at one specific grocery store, so I have completed rejiggered my shopping schedule to make that store my preferred store. Fortunately, it is near my friend’s house, and we usually go to her house once a week for a writing session, so it’s not wildly out of the way. But I feel slightly neurotic for rearranging my grocery shopping life around yogurt. It’s better than going to multiple stores, right?  

    5. Feedly: Okay, so this isn’t TECHNICALLY food-related. But I have been noticing that Feedly is increasingly unreliable. I completely missed a post by Nicole yesterday because it didn’t show up in my feed. Sometimes people’s posts show up late or three times in a row. Sometimes I will see a week’s worth of posts all in a row, as though someone posted them all in one day. A few commenters have noted that some of my posts don’t show up until a day or two later. (Edited to add: I follow my own blog on Feedly and as of 6:00 pm on Friday, my post still has not shown up in my feed. SIGH.)

    This all sounds like a really good argument to finally add an old-school style blog roll to my blog, so I don’t miss anyone’s posts. I have been thinking about doing it for a long time, more than a YEAR… but haven’t, mainly because I’m afraid of missing someone and hurting feelings. But that’s silly, right? If I miss your blog, you will know it’s purely a brain failure and not that I don’t adore you and your blog? And you will alert me immediately? My current “systems” – the unreliable Feedly or having everyone’s blogs bookmarked in a browser – are not working. And I don’t want to miss your posts!

    How are you keeping up with the blogs you follow?

    That’s all I’ve got for this Friday, Internet. Hope you have a delicious weekend.