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Six Things Sunday

Oh hello there! It’s been too long! Like, really too long. Thank you so much to everyone who has written a sweet note or text or blog comment checking in. I feel very loved, and I’m so sorry if I caused you any worry.

I’m also a little embarrassed, to be honest. Because there is NO REASON for my very lengthy impromptu break from the blog world. I can say “I’ve been busy” because that’s true, but also: WE ARE ALL BUSY. And yet YOU have continued to prioritize posting and commenting and I somehow have not. 

That doesn’t mean I don’t miss you. And it doesn’t mean that I don’t feel tremendous guilt about missing all the things going on in your life. There are a lot of negatives in there; I trust you get where I’m coming from. 

1. Writer’s Block: Because I am currently struggling to think of ANYTHING AT ALL to write in this post, I might as well start with the Big Dumb Excuse, which is that I have been suffering a severe case of Writer’s Block lately. I sit down to write and there might be a few gasping spurts of words but then there’s nothing but hissing air and the sense that something might be broken. I have neglected all three of my writing partners this month, and I hate that. As someone who thrives when I know a friend is sitting beside me, tapping away at their keyboard at the exact same time, I hate that I’m not holding up my end of the clickety-clack. When I told one of my writing pals that I hadn’t written a word in eons, he mused that he doesn’t believe in writer’s block. I get it; he has been a professional writer for decades now, and when there is a deadline, you simply can’t have writer’s block. You find a way for the words to flow. And I managed to tap into that source this month – the cold, deep pool of responsibility in which swim your reputation and your income, present and future – for a work project, and again for an editing project. But I could not get it together to do any other writing whatsoever. I opened my document of blog posts and stared at it more times that you can imagine. I made lists of blog topics. I brainstormed a new story idea with a friend via text. I opened up in-progress works and stared at them. That’s as far as I got. My writer’s-block-is-not-a-thing friend gently tried to prompt me to just WRITE, anything, even if it’s crap, and – this blog post aside – I find that nearly impossible to do. I know that it’s like exercise: you do it, even if it hurts, even if your heart feels like it will explode the cage of your ribs, and the more you do it, the easier it gets, bit by agonizing bit. And yet I find myself staring at the cursor, blinking, blinking, and cannot remember what a sentence is or how to form one. Alongside the shame of any kind of personal failure, there’s something uniquely demoralizing about not being able to do something you’ve always done. ANYWAY. I no longer have The Chaos of May to blame for my not sitting and staring at the cursor, so I’m forcing myself to Just Do It, even if the results are Of Highly Questionable Value.

2. The Best Thing About My House: It has been SO FUN to see my yard come alive this spring and summer! The previous owners planted so many things and many of them are haphazard and a little weird (like big tufts of grass that seem to be plopped down in places with no rhyme or reason), but many of them are delightful. There is a lone forsythia bush in the back yard that burst into yellow in early spring. A lilac bush followed, and oh – lilac is one of my favorite scents. I collected big bunches of the blooms and brought them inside where they filled the house with spring scent. And then came a glorious surprise: IRISES. I adore irises. Alongside tulips, they may be my favorite flower ever. We had so many of them! They were gorgeous and smell divine. There is a magnolia tree in my backyard! I have wanted a magnolia tree since college, when I first encountered one outside my freshman year dorm. For several magical days each spring, you could walk through a shower of fragrant pink petals. And now I have my own! It’s white, though, but it’s nonetheless so lovely. We have roses! And daylilies! And peonies! Catmint and lavender by the bushel! And a bunch of flowers I don’t recognize! The hydrangeas are just starting to bloom and we have some butterfly bushes and I am just so happy with all of this color and scent and summery abundance. 

3. Plans and Planning: A million years ago, I asked for advice about buying a planner. I am not a planner person, but I wanted to BECOME a planner person. So many of my blog readers are planner people, and they all seem to Have It Together, so I kind of deluded myself into thinking if only I had a planner, I could also Have It Together. I admit, somewhat sheepishly to everyone who was kind enough to leave a helpful comment, that I panic-ordered the first specific planner someone suggested. It was a Passion Planner, recommended by Kate (thanks, Kate!) and I got it in the 5×8 size because that’s what Gigi recommended. It arrived, and I looked at it, and it has since gone unused. Turns out I have no idea how to use a planner. Anyway. My daughter is beginning MIDDLE SCHOOL next year, and the Middle School administration recommends using a planner to keep track of their absolutely bonkerballs schedule (bonkerballs is my term, not theirs; presumably they think it is doable and normal), so I bought Carla a planner and we are going to learn how to use one together this summer. 

4. More Gardening Talk! My husband and daughter got me a garden center gift certificate for Mother’s Day, so I spent one entire glorious day shopping for and planting a whole host of annuals. The previous owners left quite a few containers behind (some of which are in poor shape; one disintegrated the instant I moved it) and I had some containers from my old house. So I had a lot of real estate to fill. I bought plenty of flowers but I also bought a bunch of vegetables. It’s been a few years since I tried to grow veggies, but our backyard is fenced in, so there is no danger of deer (chipmunk danger is, however, rampant) and I’m excited to try again. I have a zucchini plant, a broccoli plant, two different cucumbers (I asked A Woman Who Seemed to Know Her Stuff for cucumber advice at the garden center, and she recommended two types, and I felt like I couldn’t not take her advice), a strawberry plant, a jalapeno plant. I also planted a few sugar snap peas and a bunch of herbs (thyme, rosemary, basil, cilantro). THEN our old next door neighbor texted me that she’d grown a few tomato plants from seed just for Carla. The neighbor is an avid gardener, and Carla used to go over to her house to play with her dog and they’d end up in the garden, where Carla would eat so many tomatoes. This former neighbor is also solely responsible for Carla liking broccoli, which is a thing she now reliably eats, so you will understand that I have undying love and adoration for this person and her magical powers. We just got to visit the ex-neighbor and her dog, where we also collected three beautiful tomato plants, and as soon as I’m done typing this nonsense I am going to go move them from their tiny pots into bigger containers. 

5. Summer Priorities: Carla and I sat down the other day and came up with a list of summer priorities. I feel like I have too many priorities, though, and feel a little pre-stressed about failing to prioritize any of them. Anyway, my daily priorities are: writing, exercising, spending time outside, spending time with my kid, reading, dusting off my rusty French. Weekly, I want to swim, go for a drive, and have a family movie night. Carla’s daily priorities are: biking, playing with the neighbors, reading, and swimming. (She is also studying French daily, though for some reason it didn’t make it on the priorities list.) Each week, she wants to walk with me, swim with me, get ice cream, and have playdates with friends. Some of these things can be done in combination. Like, if Carla and I go on a walk or a swim, that covers three priorities at once. I could even try writing outdoors, which could be fun? (I just ordered this bug spray because our lovely yard is humming with biting insects.)

6. Why French? Carla and I are both studying French because we have a loose plan to go to France as a family in 2025. My husband and I have both been lucky enough to visit France several times apiece. We also spent our honeymoon in Paris. We love the country and we both feel fairly comfortable getting around. Right now, we are in the planning stages and we haven’t yet narrowed down where we want to go. Paris is a definite, since Carla has never been there and wants to see the Eiffel Tower. But then where should we go? My husband and I have both been to a lot of places, but there is surprisingly little overlap in where we’ve visited. Do we go somewhere one of us has already been? Do we try to stick to places neither of us have seen? I’m also kind of excited about the idea of picking a historical French subject for us to study as a family and then explore in person. Joan of Arc! Marie Antoinette! Eleanor of Aquitaine! Marie Curie! How cool would it be to read about a historical person and then see where she lived? My family is (so far) less enthused about this plan than I am. Carla has never been abroad and we are all super excited about introducing her to the joy of international travel. 

    That’s it for today, Internet. Carla’s tomato plants are calling. Thank you again for being so kind, and for caring about me. 

    If you could go to any non-Paris city in France, where would you go? Do you have any summer priorities? Do you use a planner and, if so, do you have any hot tips for a planner neophyte? 

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    Friday Randomosity: Snow Day Shopping and Request for Recommendations Edition

    Due to a series of events, some planned and others not, last weekend was a five-day weekend, followed by one day of school, and now we have begun a three-day weekend. Keep in mind that our two-week winter break ended a mere two weeks ago.

    I adore my child. And yet. This is not ideal. 

    • Do you have a planner you love? I think I might need to become A Person Who Uses A Planner, and I don’t really know where to start. I have looked through planners on recent trips to Barnes & Noble, Target, and Joann Fabric. There is no dearth of options, which is probably what’s tripping me up. All I have been able to settle on is that I don’t want a bullet journal. I have a feeling the people in our blogging community have Strong Planner Feelings, though, so I am hoping you will direct me to The One True Planner.
    • Speaking of planning, I am floundering when it comes to finding a workable structure to my days and I keep wanting to post about it (and beg you for advice) but I worry it is too boring a topic? 
    • I can now add “dismantling a doorbell” to my list of skills I never thought I’d need. A month or so ago, our doorbell started making a weird buzzing noise. It did this intermittently for a day or two and then stopped. But then it started again on Monday! And continued buzzing every ten or so seconds, directly outside my office. Fortunately, my doorbell was very low wattage, so it was easy to disconnect the wires from the buzz-causing things they were attached to (I added “doorbell dismantling” to my skillset, not “doorbell understanding”), wrap the exposed wires in electrical tape, and close the whole thing up again. I suppose I will soon be adding “replacing a doorbell” to my list of skills.
    • Snow days are kind of boring these days. We used to do a LOT during snow days of yesteryear – probably I whined, then, about not being able to have time to myself; am impossible to please – Carla loved the snow and seemed entirely impervious to the cold. We’d play outside and make snow angels and build things out of snow and she’d climb up the snow mountains formed by the snowplow. Now, she has no interest. And also it is QUITE chilly so I’m not really pushing for outdoor time. She is similarly uninterested in: watching movies, baking things, playing games, reading, doing chores/homework/instrument practice. So. Screens it is, I guess? “More screens,” I should say, since this is – checks notes – Day 6 of being mainly inside. Maybe there’s a craft we could do together? But that requires having the appropriate tools/materials on hand. Or maybe I just need to lean into the screens thing and read some of the blogs I’ve been neglecting???? 
    • To counteract the cold this week, I made a really good lentil soup. It was based on this recipe, with some major modifications. Instead of crushed tomato, I used a 4-ounce can of tomato paste. I didn’t have much paprika, so threw in a half teaspoon of cayenne instead. I tripled the garlic because that’s how I roll. I used an entire bag of lentils, rather than 2 cups (I think it was about 2 ½ cups, but I didn’t measure; I just didn’t want a little useless scrap of lentils lying around). And I used two 4-cup cartons of chicken stock to compensate for the lack of tomatoes and the additional lentils. It is delicious and hearty. 
    • To pair with the soup, I toasted some store-bought sourdough. Except our toaster has joined the throngs of quiet quitters and is now declining to toast, so I broiled the bread in the oven and it got all black and smoky. Clearly I need a new toaster. I am tempted to replace our toaster with the exact same model – this one lasted at least a decade, after all – but maybe you have a toaster you are gaga about?
    • As long as I’m dabbling in some online shopping, I would also love to buy a travel mug for my tea. This has never been a thing I’ve wanted before, as I drink my tea first thing in the morning and I gulp it down so fast it barely has a chance to cool. But for various boring reasons I think I might prefer to drink my tea while driving Carla to school. I’ve borrowed one of my husband’s to-go mugs for this purpose, and it’s fine – it keeps my tea warm, it fits in my car’s cup holder, it holds the enormous volume of tea I drink – but I want my own mug. Perhaps more importantly, I’ve found that unless I’m very careful, the tea will slosh up over my face when I’m lowering the mug after taking a sip. I do not care for that. My main criteria for a travel mug, in addition to the above, is that it is dishwasher safe. And I don’t mean the wishy-washy “well, you can dishwash it, but we don’t recommend it.” I mean, it is MEANT for the dishwasher. This one looks good, and it comes in purple and doesn’t seem to have any tiny parts I have to dismantle before dishwashing. This is the one my husband has used for years – and has repurchased several times when one mug goes missing or gets dropped one too many times. But I don’t like the lid and I can’t explain why. This one is so pretty, and I feel more kindly toward ceramic as a material than I do toward stainless steel… but the dishwashability seems a little suspect. (How can the product care instructions be “machine wash” but also “hand wash only”?) What is your hot drink to-go mug of choice?
    • I am having a frustrating email communication issue with someone. The communication is not optional, but it feels very one-sided, with me reaching out and waiting for days and then sending a nudge and then also getting a third party involved to nudge from a different direction. And now the person I am communicating with has finally responded and said they would attach a document I need in order to move forward, but they did not attach this document and have not responded to my request to resend the attachment. I guess the only next step is a phone call, which I HATE, but it seems like it might be my only recourse. 
    • Trader Joe’s Italian truffle cheese is my new favorite cheese. It’s soft and truffley and pairs so well with a buttery Ritz cracker that I’m thinking of having some for second breakfast. 
    • Twice in the past three weeks I have borked my back doing strength training. The first time, I have no idea what I did to injure my back. I could barely move for the first day and then sitting and driving were agony for three or four consecutive days. I treated the pain with ice and Advil. This time, I think I injured it either doing squats with weights or back rows. My best guess is that I tweaked my back doing the squats and then the back rows exacerbated the injury to the point where I had to quit. I love squats so I feel quite bereft at the thought of not doing them for awhile. I’m guessing something in my form is off? Maybe I need to hold the weights at my chest instead of at my sides during squats? I don’t know. Immediately after my back tweaked out (I was in the middle of this routine, where we were doing 100 reps each of squats, pushups, kettlebell swings, and back rows. Very frustrating to have to quit at 50 of each! Will I ever know if I could have done 100???), I did a series of back stretches, then took Advil and iced my back. It feels much less painful today than it did the last time I hurt it. This is an extremely boring bullet point, but I am including it for Future Me, who is bound to repeat this injury at some point. 
    • Are you watching the newest season of True Detective? There’s only been one episode so far, but I keep thinking about it and eagerly awaiting the next one. It’s got Jodie Foster and Alaska and supernatural elements and mysterious deaths and disappearances. SO GOOD. I haven’t felt this excited about a TV show in a long time. 

    That’s all I have for today, Internet. I am going to try to cajole Carla into doing some sort of screen free activity with me. Brownies, maybe? Who can resist brownies?

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    Five for Friday

    I am in a mood to write, but can’t think of anything particularly worthwhile to write about. So I am taking a page out of Stephany’s book and doing five bullets for this sunny Friday.

    1. Our housecleaner came back! I am so delighted. But man alive was I ever awkward about the whole thing. I kept finding myself cleaning in the days leading up to her arrival. I didn’t want her to think that our house had devolved into TOTAL disarray in her absence. I am can be a decent housecleaner when I want to (i.e. when guests are imminent), and I did a pretty good job of keeping the house neat and tidy, for the most part, for the past year and change. But then I’d say to myself, maybe that will make her feel GOOD and NEEDED, to see a layer of dust on the bookshelves and a layer of soap scum on the shower door. And then I would feel ridiculous because perhaps she has no thoughts at all about the state of my house beyond, “Wow, this is really dirty and will require more time” or “Okay, this doesn’t need much attention today.” So I finally talked myself into simply tidying things – moving piles and encouraging Carla to pick up her toys and crafting spreads. It was SO NICE to have her back, but I was super awkward in person – we never hugged in the past, so I wasn’t going to hug her NOW, especially because of a pandemic. And I was really sweaty for some reason (perimenopause, or some sort of pre-housecleaner-return panic attack) so I was uncomfortable and my mask was sticking to my face. And I didn’t want to be TOO gushy about having her back because, after all, this is WORK for her. But I did want to be appropriately gushy because I missed her, both as a housecleaner and as a person. We exchanged a little bit of small talk and then she got right to work and I flapped about the house, not really knowing where to be or what to do. I kept remembering things to tell her – let me know if we are out of some cleaning supply you need; make sure you take as many mask breaks as you need; open the windows if you feel more comfortable – and then I went outside and sat on the porch and failed to concentrate on anything because Someone Was In My House.

    2. Carla’s birthday is coming up. We are contemplating an Actual Party this time (outdoors), which makes me pre-exhausted. I don’t want to find a venue or buy decorations or come up with an activity or figure out how to do everything in a way that provides everyone with the least exposure to Covid. I want someone to plan her party FOR ME. Is there someone I can call and pay to do this? Why yes, Suzanne, this is called a Party Planner and they exist and cost way more than what you want to spend on an eight-year-old’s birthday bash, get it together.

    3. We, once again, had too many overripe bananas in the house. Not a SINGLE ONE of my many cookbooks had a recipe for chocolate banana snack cake. Only the America’s Test Kitchen Family Cookbook even had any banana snack cake recipes at all. It’s like Martha Stewart and Maida Heatter have never even HEARD of bananas, although I think their books had entries for how to store overripe bananas. But then what to DO with them, Martha and Maida????? Anyway, I found this Betty Crocker recipe online – chosen primarily because I didn’t have to soften any butter, and secondarily because it didn’t call for buttermilk, and tertiarily because I could mix the entire thing in the baking pan itself – and it turned out very well. EVEN THOUGH I didn’t have the right pan size and therefore had to increase the recipe by 50%, which required a LOT of math. My husband had three pieces last night alone, so I know it was a hit. (If you recall, I do not eat bananas.)

    4. My skin has pretty much returned to normal, after its prolonged temper tantrum the other week. I have no idea what to do with the FIVE BOTTLES of skincare product I used literally once or twice. My husband suggested that I try them out, one at a time, to see which one is the culprit… but a) if I were a betting man, I would guess all three of the products with retinol were responsible and b) they were meant to be used together, not separately, and c) I don’t wanna.

    5. I have absolutely no plans this weekend. Normally, this would be fine – especially seeing as one of the days would be designated Cleaning Day, and dusting, floor scrubbing, and vacuuming would take up a good portion of the day. But now that I have my beloved housecleaner to take over the heavy lifting, I have an entire day back! Obviously, I could curl up in a chair and read all weekend, which is always delightful. But I’m in an activity kind of mood (subject to change). Let’s see. I still have no desire to go to a restaurant. But it would be nice to Do Something this weekend. Perhaps the zoo? The botanical garden? Maybe we could scope out a few potential birthday party venues? Gah. What are YOU doing this weekend, that I could potentially copy?