skillz

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Friday Randomosity: Snow Day Shopping and Request for Recommendations Edition

Due to a series of events, some planned and others not, last weekend was a five-day weekend, followed by one day of school, and now we have begun a three-day weekend. Keep in mind that our two-week winter break ended a mere two weeks ago.

I adore my child. And yet. This is not ideal. 

  • Do you have a planner you love? I think I might need to become A Person Who Uses A Planner, and I don’t really know where to start. I have looked through planners on recent trips to Barnes & Noble, Target, and Joann Fabric. There is no dearth of options, which is probably what’s tripping me up. All I have been able to settle on is that I don’t want a bullet journal. I have a feeling the people in our blogging community have Strong Planner Feelings, though, so I am hoping you will direct me to The One True Planner.
  • Speaking of planning, I am floundering when it comes to finding a workable structure to my days and I keep wanting to post about it (and beg you for advice) but I worry it is too boring a topic? 
  • I can now add “dismantling a doorbell” to my list of skills I never thought I’d need. A month or so ago, our doorbell started making a weird buzzing noise. It did this intermittently for a day or two and then stopped. But then it started again on Monday! And continued buzzing every ten or so seconds, directly outside my office. Fortunately, my doorbell was very low wattage, so it was easy to disconnect the wires from the buzz-causing things they were attached to (I added “doorbell dismantling” to my skillset, not “doorbell understanding”), wrap the exposed wires in electrical tape, and close the whole thing up again. I suppose I will soon be adding “replacing a doorbell” to my list of skills.
  • Snow days are kind of boring these days. We used to do a LOT during snow days of yesteryear – probably I whined, then, about not being able to have time to myself; am impossible to please – Carla loved the snow and seemed entirely impervious to the cold. We’d play outside and make snow angels and build things out of snow and she’d climb up the snow mountains formed by the snowplow. Now, she has no interest. And also it is QUITE chilly so I’m not really pushing for outdoor time. She is similarly uninterested in: watching movies, baking things, playing games, reading, doing chores/homework/instrument practice. So. Screens it is, I guess? “More screens,” I should say, since this is – checks notes – Day 6 of being mainly inside. Maybe there’s a craft we could do together? But that requires having the appropriate tools/materials on hand. Or maybe I just need to lean into the screens thing and read some of the blogs I’ve been neglecting???? 
  • To counteract the cold this week, I made a really good lentil soup. It was based on this recipe, with some major modifications. Instead of crushed tomato, I used a 4-ounce can of tomato paste. I didn’t have much paprika, so threw in a half teaspoon of cayenne instead. I tripled the garlic because that’s how I roll. I used an entire bag of lentils, rather than 2 cups (I think it was about 2 ½ cups, but I didn’t measure; I just didn’t want a little useless scrap of lentils lying around). And I used two 4-cup cartons of chicken stock to compensate for the lack of tomatoes and the additional lentils. It is delicious and hearty. 
  • To pair with the soup, I toasted some store-bought sourdough. Except our toaster has joined the throngs of quiet quitters and is now declining to toast, so I broiled the bread in the oven and it got all black and smoky. Clearly I need a new toaster. I am tempted to replace our toaster with the exact same model – this one lasted at least a decade, after all – but maybe you have a toaster you are gaga about?
  • As long as I’m dabbling in some online shopping, I would also love to buy a travel mug for my tea. This has never been a thing I’ve wanted before, as I drink my tea first thing in the morning and I gulp it down so fast it barely has a chance to cool. But for various boring reasons I think I might prefer to drink my tea while driving Carla to school. I’ve borrowed one of my husband’s to-go mugs for this purpose, and it’s fine – it keeps my tea warm, it fits in my car’s cup holder, it holds the enormous volume of tea I drink – but I want my own mug. Perhaps more importantly, I’ve found that unless I’m very careful, the tea will slosh up over my face when I’m lowering the mug after taking a sip. I do not care for that. My main criteria for a travel mug, in addition to the above, is that it is dishwasher safe. And I don’t mean the wishy-washy “well, you can dishwash it, but we don’t recommend it.” I mean, it is MEANT for the dishwasher. This one looks good, and it comes in purple and doesn’t seem to have any tiny parts I have to dismantle before dishwashing. This is the one my husband has used for years – and has repurchased several times when one mug goes missing or gets dropped one too many times. But I don’t like the lid and I can’t explain why. This one is so pretty, and I feel more kindly toward ceramic as a material than I do toward stainless steel… but the dishwashability seems a little suspect. (How can the product care instructions be “machine wash” but also “hand wash only”?) What is your hot drink to-go mug of choice?
  • I am having a frustrating email communication issue with someone. The communication is not optional, but it feels very one-sided, with me reaching out and waiting for days and then sending a nudge and then also getting a third party involved to nudge from a different direction. And now the person I am communicating with has finally responded and said they would attach a document I need in order to move forward, but they did not attach this document and have not responded to my request to resend the attachment. I guess the only next step is a phone call, which I HATE, but it seems like it might be my only recourse. 
  • Trader Joe’s Italian truffle cheese is my new favorite cheese. It’s soft and truffley and pairs so well with a buttery Ritz cracker that I’m thinking of having some for second breakfast. 
  • Twice in the past three weeks I have borked my back doing strength training. The first time, I have no idea what I did to injure my back. I could barely move for the first day and then sitting and driving were agony for three or four consecutive days. I treated the pain with ice and Advil. This time, I think I injured it either doing squats with weights or back rows. My best guess is that I tweaked my back doing the squats and then the back rows exacerbated the injury to the point where I had to quit. I love squats so I feel quite bereft at the thought of not doing them for awhile. I’m guessing something in my form is off? Maybe I need to hold the weights at my chest instead of at my sides during squats? I don’t know. Immediately after my back tweaked out (I was in the middle of this routine, where we were doing 100 reps each of squats, pushups, kettlebell swings, and back rows. Very frustrating to have to quit at 50 of each! Will I ever know if I could have done 100???), I did a series of back stretches, then took Advil and iced my back. It feels much less painful today than it did the last time I hurt it. This is an extremely boring bullet point, but I am including it for Future Me, who is bound to repeat this injury at some point. 
  • Are you watching the newest season of True Detective? There’s only been one episode so far, but I keep thinking about it and eagerly awaiting the next one. It’s got Jodie Foster and Alaska and supernatural elements and mysterious deaths and disappearances. SO GOOD. I haven’t felt this excited about a TV show in a long time. 

That’s all I have for today, Internet. I am going to try to cajole Carla into doing some sort of screen free activity with me. Brownies, maybe? Who can resist brownies?

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In Your Element

Today I am thinking about Jenny, who is running her first ultra. The training alone is a massive accomplishment. She’s made it all this way and I hope she is feeling strong and confident and capable as she runs. 

I used to run – not that I ever counted myself as A Runner. I ran simply because I enjoyed it, but eventually had to stop due to persistent knee pain. I feel incredibly lucky that my body allowed me to run for so long, and that I am still able to do so much. I recognize my physical abilities as the gifts that they are. But I do miss it.

I still remember the feeling that running gave me. That feeling of strength. Of connection to the physical realm: my body, the pavement beneath my soles, the air and sun on my skin. 

It was a wonderful sensation, but one that is dwarfed by the feeling I get when I ski. 

Skiing is, on the face of it, an insane thing to do. You allow a pulley to transport you, via a rickety bench, thousands of feet up a mountain, strap narrow planks to your feet, point yourself down a steep, tree-lined expanse of snow, and try not to fall or crash into anything before you reach the bottom. I would love to meet the person who came up with this idea and ask them WHAT they were thinking.

It may be ridiculous, but I have been downhill skiing since before I was two. It’s not something I do as often as I like, but it’s one of my favorite activities. I’m not an expert skier by any means, but I’m good at it. And I would say that it’s one of a very few things that makes me feel purely, triumphantly good. 

My family and I went skiing over spring break a few weeks ago and it was some of the best skiing I’ve experienced in years. Maybe, partly, because my feet are doing better and I’ve been able to exercise again, so my body felt fit and strong. Maybe because the snow was perfect and the weather was excellent. Maybe because I am a good skier, and it feels so satisfying to be engaged in something I’m good at. 

Like I said, I’m not an expert. I definitely prefer groomed blues and blacks, with the occasional mogul field thrown in. I get crabby if the snow is too wet or too icy, or if the weather is too hot or too snowy. I’m not jumping out of a helicopter onto a mountain peak or doing double black diamond trails through the woods. But I feel certain that I could get down pretty much any run, if I had to. 

I am not “sporty.” I am not graceful or lithe. But on skis, especially when the snow is that ideal texture of dry powder on packed snow, I feel athletic and agile, capable and confident. 

And the exhilaration of soaring down a fresh white mountain face, clouds and sky peeking over your shoulder, the valley laid out below you like a gift…

The hypnotic, automatic rhythm of your turns – gravity pulling, your legs resisting just the tiniest bit – your blood pumping steady, strong, your trajectory masked by plumes of your own snowfall…

The scrape of ski blade on snow crust, the bite of winter against your face, your breath darting away from you, unable to keep up…

There’s nothing like it. Nothing in the whole wide world. 

Do you have something that gives you that feeling? A feeling of confidence and competence? A feeling that fills you with pride and elation? A feeling that you are doing a thing the way it is supposed to be done? 

Maybe you feel this way when you give a presentation at work… Or when you’re writing or painting… When you’re baking a cake… Or singing in the shower… Or soothing a friend… I just want to know what makes you feel like you are in your element. 

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Phone Etiquette in the Age of Texting

I am looking for information/ideas about how to teach my child phone etiquette. Is that even the right term? What I mean is, how to have a phone conversation with another human.

Do I remember learning how to use the phone? No, I do not. I am guessing that I learned it through emulating my parents. You answered the phone a certain way, you handled the call a certain way, you closed the call a certain way. Those were all things I probably absorbed just from living in my house.

But… How do you teach a child how to use the phone when you can’t teach by example?

My house as an adult is nearly phone free. AS I PREFER, of course. We have no landline. My husband and I each have a cell phone, but we both actively avoid phone calls. I talk to maybe three people on the phone on a regular basis. I call my mom once or twice a week. I call my best friend from back home once or twice a month. And then there’s a mom from school who is a Phone Fan and who calls me, on average, once a week or so.

I do have phone meetings with clients, as well. But those are infrequent and tend to cluster.

All of these phone calls take place, almost without exception, when Carla is in school. Sure, sometimes I am still talking with my mom when I pick up Carla from school. Sometimes the mom friend calls when I am at home with Carla. But those instances are rare. The VAST MAJORITY of all of my human interactions take place via text or in person.

(This is the third time I’ve used the word human in this post; I deleted one of the instances, so you are only seeing two of them. Well, now three since I used it again just a second ago. What is the deal? Am I subconsciously worried that you might think I’m spending time talking to… cats? Birds? The deer in my yard?)

Back to the subject at hand: I wish I could just wiggle dismissive fingers at the whole idea of talking on the phone. By the time Carla’s old enough to want to communicate with her friends outside of school, she will probably want to text them or snapchat them or whatever it is young people do these days.

Be that as it may, being able to talk on the phone is a SKILL. A dying one, perhaps. But one that could come in handy in Carla’s future professional life and at the very least is useful now when talking to her very patient grandparents. (I have a full-body cringe thinking about my poor mom saying, cheerfully, “Hello? Carla? Are you still there?” when Carla has CALLED HER and then given up on the call halfway through, with no heads-up to my mother.)

My parents wind up being the guinea pigs for phone calls, by the way. And I am sure that the conversations are as frustrating on their end as they are on my end (where I am gesturing to Carla to pay attention and stop doing a backbend off the couch and answer the question your grandfather just asked you). But how does a child get better at talking on the phone without talking on the phone?

I have googled, of course. The majority of articles seem to be mainly about… when to talk on the phone (as in, appropriate situations for phone conversation), rather than how to hold a conversation. And maybe THAT’S where I need to start. With conversations.

Because part of learning the phone skill, I think, is learning how to hold a regular old in-person conversation. A conversation is a conversation, after all, no matter what medium you use to hold it. And I definitely could do some additional coaching in that regard. My husband and I try to teach Carla, in our own conversations, with each other and with her, not to interrupt, to pay attention, to ask questions and show interest in what the other person is saying, to take turns, etc. etc. But I admit that we aren’t perfect about it. It’s easy, when there are only three of you, to be a little bit lenient on the interruption front. And when we are all chatting around the dinner table, requiring Carla to look us in the eyes just isn’t super important. Plus, my husband and I both need to be better about putting our phones down when we are talking to one another and to Carla because THAT is certainly giving Carla the wrong idea about what’s appropriate. And it’s easy enough to have a conversation with your parents, or with people you see all the time. It’s a whole other thing to have a conversation with a stranger, or someone you see infrequently. When I am on top of things, I can remind Carla to smile when she says hello, to look the person in the eyes, to do that little “hi how are you fine how are you” exchange that humans do. But I’m not sure if you’ve noticed, most conversations are sort of impromptu, rendering preparation impossible.

Another part of learning how to talk on the phone is, I think, understanding how different it is from in-person conversation. There are no visual cues. You have to convey everything with your words.

And part of it is… a lot of intangible stuff about social cues and social expectations that Carla is still learning. Like… if one grandparent asks if you want to talk to the other grandparent, you say YES, even if it is not technically true. And… as I mentioned above, it is polite to ask how someone is doing, even if you don’t technically care. And… long silences are not a good sign, on a phone call. And… it is totally okay to end the call if you’ve run out of things to discuss, but you need to do it in a polite way, rather than just setting the phone down somewhere and wandering into a different room to build something with LEGOs.

Carla is six-and-a-half. I feel like… this should be something she’s working on, if not something she’s already mastered. But I have no frame of reference. Are other little kids having full conversations via phone? Are other parents working on this skill every weekend? Are we failing our child because we, ourselves, are so phone (and human) averse?

Do I need to start having Carla call one of her friends on the phone, to practice? Should I try to incorporate phone calls into our pretend play? Should I stop stressing out about this and remember that Carla is learning a TON of things right now and this probably doesn’t need to be a top priority?

Probably the latter. But it is really hard to notice gaps in your child’s knowledge and have no real idea how to fill them in.

Sort of how I feel when I remember that she is already six-and-a-half and we have only read half of the Ramona books and NONE of the Little House books and are the Winnie the Pooh years already in the rear-view, because we have yet to read that book all the way through. I get panicky, thinking of ALL THE THINGS I want her to experience and ALL THE THINGS I want her to learn (and read). And yet we only have so many hours in the day.