It’s Friday, my house is a mess, there are wrapping paper scraps literally everywhere (LEO), I have overcommitted to Fun Things that currently feel less like fun and more like stress, so let’s get into some bullets.
* In addition to overcommitting to Fun Things, Past Me also apparently set up eight thousand appointments for the weeks leading up to Christmas. Last week was the dentist which led to yesterday’s repeat visit so I could get a filling. After several teeth extractions as a child, and a lifelong issue with getting properly numb from anesthetic, I get severe anxiety about going to the dentist. Yesterday was no exception. I hadn’t had a filling in decades, and all I could think about was getting those huge, painful shots in my mouth. Now that I am a grownup, I understand that it’s okay to TELL THE DENTIST a) that I am anxious, b) I have trouble getting numb, and c) WHEN I AM IN PAIN. Either dental practices have dramatically improved since I was a kid, or my childhood dentist was not very good (or some combination of the two), but my filling experience was as good as could be. The shots hurt, but they weren’t as unbearable as I remember, and it took the dentist maybe ten minutes to remove the cavity. The rest of my time in the chair was with the Filling Specialist. The worst part about the experience (outside of the anticipatory anxiety) was the music. They turned on some instrumental Christmas music which turned out to be an epic rendition of “Jingle Bells” that lasted the entire forty-five minutes I was in the chair. That is too much “Jingle Bells.” Way, way too much.
* Most of my holiday gift-buying is complete; my husband and I have a date this weekend to go shopping in an actual physical mall to find the final couple of items on our list. So now I am turning my attention to the monetary gifts we give out every year: sports coaches, tutors, special teachers, mail person, trash collection, hair stylist, housecleaner. But I am – as usual – dithering about amounts. The mail person and trash collectors are easy, because I just give them gift cards in the $10-$20 range. Others feel less simple. Usually, like for the hair stylist or the housecleaner, I give what amounts to double their normal fee. But this year, my daughter started seeing my hair stylist, too, so I suppose I should combine our typical appointment costs and give that? Also, for the first time ever, my hair stylist has had the same assistant working with her for the last three or four times I’ve gotten my hair cut and colored. Do I give the assistant a separate gift, or does my hair stylist give her a portion of whatever she gets? And, if the latter, do I need to bump up the gift a bit to account for whatever she distributes to others? The other thing that’s stumping me is people whose normal fees are weird numbers. Like if your normal fee is $35, then I would give you a $35 gift. But $35 seems like a weird amount for a gift, doesn’t it? Should I just round up to $50? But that’s a BIG roundup. If your normal fee is $90, somehow $100 seems like a much nicer gift than simply doing an extra $90. I am overthinking this, right? But what would you do?
* By the way, if you have a Trader Joe’s near you, mine has an assortment of cute holiday cards for ninety-nine cents apiece (a STEAL for any card, let alone a cute one). I bought a big handful of these cards to accompany the money gifts.
* Should I get bangs? This feels like a non-sequitur, but I was just thinking about my hair stylist and how last time I visited her, we briefly discussed Forehead Minimization Tactics, and she said she thinks I would look good with bangs. I haven’t had bangs since elementary school. I don’t think I could DEAL with bangs, honestly. But also, more and more lately, I have been staring at the immense freckled and beginning to crepe expanse of my forehead with despair.
* Speaking of despair, I have a Fancy Event coming up in January and I need Fancy Clothes to match. I’ve been looking at dresses for months now, refusing to try anything on, hoping that I would somehow magically shrink to fit one of the many many beautiful dresses I already own and have kept lo these many years. And now the time has come when I have to face reality and buy a new dress. Nordstrom has a bunch of dresses I’ve had in my digital shopping cart for awhile. I really like this one; it’s fancy, the fit-and-flare style typically looks okay on me, it’s not too short. I don’t love the straps, though; I feel as though my bare shoulder days are behind me. Also, it’s more than I’d like to spend on a dress I may wear ONCE. But then again, maybe if I buy a higher quality dress, it will fit me better? This one is pretty, and has sleeves. I like the color, the price is decent. It also looks itchy, and maybe too short. I love the look of this one – I swoon for a navy dress – and it also has sleeves. And it’s VERY on sale. But is the neckline too restrictive? Does it read too youthful for a middle-aged mom? I like the look of this one, and it looks elegant and very comfortable. The pattern is not exactly my typical style, and I’m worried it’s slightly too casual for an event with cocktail attire. Which one would you suggest I try? I’m toying with buying all of them, trying them on, and returning three. I’ve done that before, but it always makes me nervous.
* This is kind of a dumb, low-stakes question, but what is the protocol for food procurement when you’re meeting someone? I met a friend at a bakery the other day. I wasn’t sure when she would arrive, and she had declined my offer to get her something, so I ordered my little pastry and drink and was standing in line to pay when she got there. But then it felt awkward, like I hadn’t waited for her? Standing in the bakery without buying anything would have felt awkward, too, though. I can also imagine grabbing a table, waiting for her, then going to place our orders together, and feeling awkward about THAT. (There is something unbearable to me about paying for something for myself and NOT for the other person.) Clearly I will just feel awkward about anything and everything.
* Here’s another dumb thing I am feeling awkward about. As I mentioned, my husband and I are going to The Mall this weekend. I rarely go to malls, but I realized we will be in the proximity of several stores that have something I want very badly: a cake stand with a dome. The thing is, I put this on my Christmas wish list that my husband sends around to all his family members, so there is a chance I might be getting one for Christmas. I don’t think anyone (except perhaps one person) who takes part in this gift-list-sharing process really feels like the items are Must Buys, they are more like suggestions. Plus, we haven’t received any gifts addressed to me at all. So it’s a small chance, but it’s still a chance. But… should I take advantage of being in The Mall and just buy myself a cake stand??? This one is kind of exactly what I’d envisioned, and it’s on sale. Or this one is so simple and elegant. I like this one, too, with the marble base. I should just wait until after Christmas, right? I should just wait.
* Leo is loving Christmas. Or hating it, it’s kind of difficult to distinguish between the two. I made the mistake of bragging to Elisabeth recently that I make my own bows out of wrapping paper. I do do that; it’s fun and the results are cute, but they take FOREVER to make. And, of course, Leo thinks they are for his personal entertainment. Or he takes them as a threat to the safety of his home and targets them for immediate destruction. Hard to say. Pride goeth before the fall and all that, I guess.
All right, that’s all I’ve got this morning. I have a Fun Thing today, plus cleaning, plus at some point I still need to address and mail our holiday cards.
What’s on your mind today?
I am just imagining the despair I would find myself in should I try to attempt a wrapping paper bow. I wish I could do things like that. Yours looks so good. But I am…not gifted in that department. Even bows with ribbons, those don’t look great. I have never been good with craft or craft-adjacent things. I never felt so seen as when Alice Munro wrote about her stress in school when they had to learn to sew. IT IS ME.
Anyway. On to other points. I had some dental work done last January, I had old METAL fillings that needed removal. Like, from when I was 8. So that was interesting. It honestly wasn’t so bad.
I used to have so many people that I would have gift cards for, back in Calgary. Now my policy is that if I have an appointment pre-Christmas I give extra tips. So next week I see my sugar gal, and I will give her $100 when usually it’s $60. I mean, for what this woman sees, she deserves it and more. Yeesh. So much hoo-haw.
Listen, I think you would look great in bangs BUT they are a lot of work. You have to get them trimmed all the time OR you have to trim them yourself. And also I wonder if they wouldn’t bug you when you work out. You have mentioned that you, like me, get really sweaty. Just imagine if you have sweaty bangs stuck to your forehead. That is something that would really bother me, and I wonder if you would be the same. Anyway, I have never noticed your forehead being excessively big! I think you always look really pretty. That is my cautionary warning. Also if you DON’T like bangs oh my god they take forever to grow out. I’m still growing out layers and I think that I should just accept they are part of my life now and forever amen.
I really like a fit and flare dress and I think it would look great on you, but that last dress (Donna Karan maybe?) is really classic too!
If you asked your friend if you could get her something and she said no, then the protocol is that you just order, and so you did that exactly right!
Oh, Leo, you’re on the naughty list! But wrapping paper is such a temptation for cats. Mine have gotten sneaky over the years and scratch and bite at the presents at the back of the tree. Stinkers.
Buy yourself the perfect cake stand and keep the receipt. That way, if no one gives you one, you’re covered. And if they do, you can return the one you don’t want.
Buy all the dresses and keep the one you like best. Navy is so classic, but the others are lovely too. I have no qualms about returning anything. I’m nice about it, but I can’t afford to spend money on sonething that not right. ( I’ve ordered at least 10 pairs of shoes/sneakers this year online, and all but one was returned. The cut is so hard to judge in a picture!)
Enjoy your mall trip!
I have an opinion on the dresses. I agree with your flags on #3 and IMO it’s not very flattering on the model’s body. The other dresses are great! #1 is the obvious show stopper, and makes me want to find a fancy January event so that I can wear it. I’m not into showing shoulders either, so I’d just pop a pashima scarf on top to solve that problem. #2 and #4 are also worthy. May the best dress win!
I feel that by the time someone asks “should I get bangs” the answer is a foregone conclusion. The only reason not to is that they’re a pain to grow out.
There’s no good answer to the “when do I order food” question, but I personally would have done exactly what you did. It just feels polite to wait for the other person.
Hang in there for the holiday season crazies!
Life is too short! Buy the cake stand. The worst thing that can happen is you have 2.
Get the cake stand you love and keep the receipt OR just keep both. Worst case scenario you get two. I like the one with the wooden base best.
Your wrapping is GORGEOUS!
The plum coloured dress is my favourite but I love anything lacey and that colour is basically my fav ever.
I am the Scrooge that just doesn’t give too many gifts to “extra people.” I get my hair cut once a year, so I don’t take anything to my hairdresser. We take some gift cards to our mechanics (they are amazing and SO nice). I give (regularly, not gift) cards and chocolate to a handful of neighbours. I gave chocolate and a gift card to my favourite cafe to my son’s homeroom teacher. We gave a coffee shop gift card to our garbageman this morning. That’s it. And even with that it really starts to add up.
I’m glad the dentist visit went well. My grandfather was my childhood dentist, so I was never scared; however, he yelled at me for not flossing whereas my current dentist is more tactful. 🙂 The fun activities around Xmas are hard to pass up, yet add to our stress. Good job on the shopping! I’ve worn bangs for most of my life (high forehead); you get used to them. (but they are a commitment)
I think all those dresses are super cute!!! I actually don’t know what you look like (I REALLY wish I did because I sort of can’t stand knowing what people look like?! Like I then have a sort of imaginary idea in my head, like a book character, but maybe I’m WAY off?? I think you should email me a picture or get my number and text me. 😅😅) Anyway without knowing what you look like I can’t really opine which dress would look best on you.
*That’s supposed to say I can’t stand NOT knowing what people look like!
Buy the cake stand! Get the one you want, and if you get another one you’ll have two and THAT’S FINE. (My favourite is the first one).
You did the absolute right thing at the bakery. It sucks feeling awkward at basically every interaction, this I know.
I love the first dress for you, but I agree, order all three and try them on and return whatever is not suitable.
Your bows are AMAZING, and so you sacrifice a few to Leo, no big deal.
I am generally Team No Bangs if you don’t have to have bangs, because I have to have bangs and they are a pain in the .. head? But since you’ve mentioned …. ‘not liking your forehead’ feels so weird to type, but since you don’t love your current hairline, maybe try bangs. The worst that happens is you grow them out, and there’s ways to cope while that’s happening. Do you feel like a change? Maybe not just before Christmas? lol
Okay, now I have to know. HOW does one make bows out of wrapping paper leftovers? I need written instructions along with a video, please.
I think you should not get bangs. They are so much work and you would have to style them every time you left the house. If you are like me, sometimes you leave the house with your hair up to run an errand or something. And they are just a commitment! So I think it’s a no unless you really feel like they are right for you!
I am so impressed with your wrapping and bow making skills. My left brainedness means I am terrible at wrapping. I do my best but it’s not a work of art like your gifts are!
I think you should plan a trip to the mall to get a cake stand with your daughter after Christmas. Those weeks after the holiday are kind of boring much of the time and it would be a fun outing for you guys (I think??). You could do returns and use gift cards you receive potentially?
The meeting protocol can be so awkward. If I know the person well, I get my order (because of course I am early). If I don’t know the person well, I wait and we order at the same time so we are eating and drinking at the same time. Sometimes people can be quite late for meet ups (grrrrr) so if that is the case I will just get my coffee even if I don’t know them because I don’t want to awkwardly sit at the cafe with nothing for too long!!
I like Lisa’ points, ALL of them. I have had bangs before and they were a lot of bloody work.
Hooo boy this is a great post! Thanks for making me feel better re: dentist and re:gifts conundrums.
Dentist: SAME!!! In Soviet Union our dental care sucked so much. And I still have trauma from my childhood.
Dresses: I like the Donna Karan one. But if you get all three and they are from Rack or Nordstrom’s you can then return the ones you don’t like by dropping them at the store- very easy and I’ve done it before many times.
Gifts: cash. And only for my kids’ classroom teachers, piano/jiu jitsu instructors, aftercare people and garbage people. I go to great clips for haircuts about three times a year so no gift there.
If I would have had a cleaner than yes, I would have given them a gift, too. But! I don’t.
Amounts:
2 classroom teachers:$40 each, 80 total
1 Classroom paraprofessional ( only in my son’s kindergarten classroom) $20
2 jiu jitsu instructors: $20 each (go three-four times a week)
2 gymnastics coaches: $10 each (only go once a week)
1 piano teacher: $20 (once a week for an hour)
2 garbage guys: $10 each so $20 total.
2 after care teachers: $20 each (kids are there every day).
First, get the first dress and worry not about your shoulders. I’m older than you and I go bare shouldered constantly because I live in the south.
Also, what about a side bang? I recently grew mine accidentally from baby hairs and, not being someone that looks good in real bangs, I love it. It provides decent forehead coverage and can be clipped back when annoying.
I like the first and last dresses! I would have done what you did and ordered a drink first. I’ve definitely done that before, and I’ve also been in situations where the other person did that, and I didn’t think twice about it.
Trader Joe’s has THE BEST CARDS!
I am probably too late commenting on the dress situation, but I love the first and second one.