I have a dressy event tomorrow, and I’ve been spending way too much time and money planning for it. It’s not like anyone cares what I look like, I realize this. And yet I still have been spending way too much time and money. Partly, the What to Wear frenzy is a manifestation of social anxiety; if only I wear the perfect dress and have the perfect hair and find the perfect accessories, I will not feel nervous or awkward! Conversation will flow effortlessly and I will not end up casting about for non-boring topics while the silence drags on interminably! I will say the exact right thing and speak neither too much nor too little and know intuitively just how much eye contact is enough! People will think I am charming and friendly instead of weird and gawky! Partly, I have lost a little weight this year, and none of my dressy clothes fit. Although I never have dressy clothes that fit, it seems like. Somehow, I nonetheless have a closet full of dresses.
My new dress is navy and I love it. It’s ankle length and it’s more body hugging than I usually wear. That makes it sound like it’s tight, which it most definitely is not. It’s just not the A-line/fit-and-flare silhouette I always gravitate toward. I originally wanted to go with gold accessories, but I tried on some gold jewelry with it and the combination read very old. Not sure if it was the gold and navy combo (doubtful; gold and navy together seem classic and chic), or the fact that the dress has kind of high-ish neckline, or if it was the combo on me, but it was not good. Silver, somehow, looked MUCH better. Younger. Fresher. Let’s be frank: I can use all the youth additive factors that I can get.
When I chose the dress and discovered that silver looked better than gold, I cheered myself with the fact that I already own silver shoes. Shoes with heels that are, alas, much too high and spindly for my post plantar fasciitis feet. I ended up buying new silver shoes with a kitten heel that make me feel much more secure. I also bought a silver clutch; I have been wanting an evening bag for years. Every time I go to a dressy occasion, I lament my lack of evening bags. Now I have one. Of course, now that I own the heels and the bag, I am realizing that I should have skipped the silver and gone with burgundy. Oh well. Too late now. Maybe I will have another occasion to wear this dress and I can seek out burgundy accessories for that. Maybe I will also have time to become the type of person who feels comfortable buying this evening bag, which I want quite badly without wanting in any way to pay the asking price. In the meantime, I am placating myself with some burgundy nail polish.
I realized last weekend that my hair needs a touch up. Seems like I need to color it more and more frequently these days, which is spendy. Usually, I get the updates done at a salon. It’s not that I can’t, technically, color my own hair; I gamely dyed my own hair during the pandemic, but I hated it so very much. The whole process is messy and I suck at applying the color and my hair always winds up with uneven darker chunks because I suck at it. Plus, it’s not like the at-home dye kit is FREE. If I’m going to pay for hair dye, I would rather also pay someone to apply it for me. Literally the only thing I enjoyed about coloring my own hair was the little envelope of conditioner that came with the dye kit. It made my hair SO soft.
Anyway, since my next hair appointment is not until after the dressy event, I purchased a touch-up kit with plans to cover my greys. Alas, I have been at Sports or School Things every night and with various service people or houseguests every day, so I have not managed to cover a damn thing. I have a few spare minutes this afternoon, and I floated the idea of coloring my hair today past my husband. In the kindest way possible, he said, “Absolutely not.” I mean… I suppose going with known grey roots is preferable to dealing with the potentially horrifying results of a last-minute dye job. The smart thing to do is return the kit and get my money back. But… I do love the conditioner.
Speaking of hair dye: Carla has been making some wistful comments recently about highlighting her hair. A bunch of her friends have gotten highlights, and it does look lovely. Unfortunately for Carla, I am a Mean Mom and I refuse to pay for her to color her hair. (See also: Starbucks and a cell phone.) First of all, she has gorgeous dark blonde hair with natural highlights. Second of all, highlights seem like they require intervention from an Experienced Hair Stylist, for which a) Carla has no time and b) I don’t want to pay. Third, as I know from experience, once you start dying it is very, very hard to stop. Seems like the perfect thing she can save up for.
While we’re on the topic of hair, I need all your Anti-Frizz advice please. I have developed a pretty effective regimen, involving three separate hair products and drying/straightening my hair with the ridiculously expensive tool my husband got me a few years ago. I have not achieved the glass hair of my dreams, but I’m mostly happy with it. Still, sometimes the humidity overrides the products.
Carla, unfortunately, does not have the time to straighten her hair. And she has not had the same luck with the products. (To be fair, this may be, how can I say this tactfully?, user error and not the fault of the products.)
What do you use to tame the frizz????
Oh! I have a hair related recommendation! I suspect this handy little tool is probably one of those things that y’all have been using already; I am often late to the trends party. My daughter got one for her birthday on the recommendation of a friend and I recently tried it on my own hair and I looooovvvvveeee it. I do worry that my hair will get caught and I’ll have to cut my way out of the damn thing, but it doesn’t seem to be possible. I have definitely gotten a little tangled (due to hubris; I tried to put more hair into the slot than could possibly fit), and extraction was simple, with no damage or hair loss.
I used to curl my hair every day, for many, many years. This tool makes the whole process leaps and bounds simpler, and the results are fabulous, AND there’s a little button that allows you to curl in opposite directions, so that all curls go away from or toward your face – an effect I was never able to achieve with a curling iron for reasons I still don’t understand. Because I like it so much, and because Carla does not love the idea of me keeping it in MY bathroom, I think I need to get a separate one for myself.
I think I’ll curl my hair for the dressy event.
So much to say, and the TL;DR is to have fun at the event!
Form fitting dresses FTW! Yes Virginia, there is another option besides “too tight” and “extreme A line”. Form fitting is the option that looks good.
I transitioned from gold jewelry to silver tones a long time ago and never looked back. I dunno, somehow it’s just a better look.
I’m siding with your husband on not doing a last minute DIY gray touch up. No good can come from it. And bravo for being a Mean Mom and denying your only child the time and money suck of dying her hair.
Now that you mention it…it does just take a minute to run the curling iron through my hair, and I almost always like the results so…I think I have my 10 minute vanity project for today.
Yesssss…. I don’t think I have seen you with curls so I would love pictorial evidence please. Obviously, you will look fabulous because you have great hair.
LOL to “denying your only child,” and HELL YES to “time and money suck.” No thank you.
That navy dress is STUNNING! Oh my goodness, you are going to look gorgeous.
I have seen those curling tools and even had one in my cart (I think the Chi brand of the same thing), but I haven’t pulled the trigger on buying one yet. Maybe a Christmas gift idea for my daughter?? I have definitely been very intrigued.
I am so excited about the dress, Elisabeth! It feels adult without feeling matronly, you know? And these days it is all too easy to drift into matronly and I am not a fan. Am I matron? Yes, perhaps. But I do not want to LOOK like it, you know?
YES, the curling tool is fabulous. I think your daughter would really like it.
First of all, do I need that curling iron? I think I do.
Second of all, omg, that dress is going to look gorgeous on you. It is perfect!
Third, this is going to sound odd, maybe? But I’m going to say it. I knew what you looked like from our video calls, but I was not prepared at how absolutely stunning and beautiful you are in person. Like, I knew you were pretty! I saw your face many times! But there is something about you in person that is so incredibly gorgeous. Like you have an aura. So I’m picturing you in that beautiful dress with silver clutch and shoes and your gorgeous hair that I wish I had, and the result is stunning. When you say you’re anxious and want the perfect look well – you have it. You are going to look fabulous.
Now, about frizz – well, I live in the driest place in the country, so I don’t worry about humidity but I do like Perfect Hair Day products. Do I have perfect hair days? No, but they seem to work just fine.
Seriously, do I need that curling iron???
Okay, tearing up because you are SO SWEET. Thank you, Nicole. <3 <3 <3
Also, what? Are you crazy? You 100% have perfect hair days, your hair is FABULOUS, I know this from both photographic, video, AND in-person experience. But now I need to know: is your hair naturally curly, which what I was SURE was true, or do you curl it? You hair has fantastic body and bounce and curl, and I am going to be even MORE impressed if you are crafting the curls with a curling iron!
Anyway, the curling tool is SUPER FUN, but if your hair is naturally the way that it is, then I think you *don't* need it??? But it is also fun, so…
Thank you for the Perfect Hair Day rec! I will look into them!
That dress is stunning and I can totally picture it with the silver heels and accessories!
I’ve got no solutions for anti-frizz … Living in North Carolina, I long ago learned to embrace it (I also don’t have the patience to ever blowdry out my hair completely, let alone add another step, there’s just too much of it). And if the humidity is really bad, those wispy bits start to actually curl, so silver lining?
I love that dress! You will look stunning in it. Social events like that can be tough, but you’ve got your husband to talk to so you won’t be the awkward person avoiding people like I was last night. There was a client dinner last night and I was SO BEYOND TALKED OUT AT THAT POINT so I didn’t even try to mingle. I just posted myself at a little table with my tonic water with lime and did not make eye contact with anyone. I’ve presented for 4.5 hours total at that time and I was JUST SO DONE. I like to have a wingman/woman at social events like what you will be attending/what I attended last night. If you don’t mingle with others, just think of it as a date night with your husband where you are all dressed up!
I wouldn’t worry about the grays. No one will notice. Trust me. I was supposed to get my hair colored this week but I had to cancel the appt since I had to be in Texas most of the week. Now I am not sure when I will get in with my hair gal (also team have a professional color my hair). I have grays but oh well. I really don’t think others notice. We are far more critical of ourselves that others are of us!
When we feel confident and attractive in what we wear/look like, it does make social interactions easier. So, those fantasies of yours aren’t off the mark! When I was in Ireland I didn’t take my curling iron for my bangs (cowlick misbehaves); it was a lucky thing since several people’s curling irons got fried there. I had an adaptor but not a converter and didn’t want to risk it. My bangs were pretty weird some days, even with my round brush magic. Hope the event goes smoothly!
The dress and shoes look beautiful! The $3000 clutch is super cute, but OMG, how can it cost so much? I’ve never had an event where I had to dress up, so I would be the definition of awkward and angsty, and I’d definitely have to order something to wear. I’m sweating just thinking about it! Ha! Ha! You’ll do great, and I’m sure everyone will find you charming and lovely. Because you are!!
Echoing everyone else to say that dress is absolutely gorgeous — classy and timeless while still somehow looking modern and youthful (but in a good way, not a trying-to-look-like-my-teenage-daughter kind of way!). We are going to a wedding tomorrow for a professional acquaintance of my husband’s whom I have never met, and at 2 months postpartum, I have NO idea what I’m going to wear and am not very motivated to care too much about it.
The curling tool looks amazing and I can see why you and Carla both like it! Highlights are one thing I don’t attempt to do at home (anymore — I’ve definitely done my fair share of crochet hook-and-shower cap jobs at home as a teen) but I really like using Clairol’s Natural Instincts demi-permanent line to dye at home. The color gradually fades so you don’t have obvious roots. The trick for sure is to saturate the crown of your head and hairline first, because it takes longer for the dye to penetrate, and then do the rest, working your way down to do the roots last. Then I start the timer after my whole head is done, and I usually use two boxes unless my hair is shorter than shoulder length (super rare for me). That being said I also would not do it the day of (or maybe even the day before) an event!
Beautiful dress. I also think that gold jewelry tends to read Oldish, and I used to wear a ton of silver jewelry. I think it’s elegant and timeless. Plus, fake gold always looks fake (or are you draping yourself in the real stuff?).
You’ve stated the big reasons why I refuse to colour my hair. So expensive, so worky, so much maintenance. I’m happy to allow my silvery streaks to add charm to my very dark hair. Yes, that’s my story…!
That dress is pure perfection and you will be stunning! The only jewelry I would add is silver earrings and maybe a silver, chunky bracelet.
Hair. *sigh* I’ve given up. I embrace the curl/wave that I’ve got and as for coloring? I’m DONE with it. If I want to cover my grays, I need to dye it every two weeks or so. Even doing it home, that gets spendy and it can’t be good to dye it that often, so I’ve given up.
Can’t wait to hear how the event went (and maybe possibly a picture of you in the dress?)!
I have naturally curly hair that frizzes like an Afro in the humidity so it’s short. (Well, I didn’t get it cut this summer. Not so short now and desperately needing a cut!) So I fear I’m not the person to ask! Nor am I the one to ask for style advice. (When I went to the Emmy Awards, I wore a skirt that was probably 20 years old and a glittery jacket that was maybe 10. And sandals. They were lovely clothes but I don’t shop anymore for dresses! The sound of your new dress and accessories is wonderful. I think you will look extraordinary! And you’ll have a fantastic time. (Ditto on Carla’s highlights. Too young, too pricey!)
Omg, LOVE the dress and the shoes. I think navy goes with silver in my mind, but also I NEED you to have that burgundy bangle for something if not for this.
I have a much more complicated and unwieldy hair curling thingy that I bought years ago on Black Friday. I do like it, but this one looks much simpler and less hard on my carpal-tunnel ridden hands. I can’t weigh in on taming the frizz since this is something I gave up on years ago.
I am about to fly to Europe so cue the ‘if I just look right I won’t be the messy awkward nightmare I really am’ thing cranked up to a million. I can only be who I am, I guess. I hope the event is fun, you are going to look smashing.
That’s a gorgeous dress and I agree, it will look amazing with silver accessories! I am “silver jewelry” girl myself. I heard really great things about the Dyson hair tools (my friend has a hair dryer with a tool to specifically smooth hair – does yours do that?) but they are so expensive. I had good luck with the It’s a 10 products for smoother hair.
That dress is the bomb. It’s lovely. It never ceases to amaze me how many young girls are getting highlights, because Yes – once you start down that path, it’s neverending. Not to mention pricey. Who wants to be tied to that sort of thing?
We have a niece’s wedding next weekend and it has been so very long since I had to wear very fancy shoes (black tie optional, but from what I’m hearing the word optional is written in invisible ink). I require comfrotable shoes. Anyway, I’ve been reminding myself that no one will care what shoes I wear.
I agree with Birchie, nothing good will come of touching up the grays. (Although I’ve never tried, it sounds dicey).
I hope you have the best time at the event and that all the conversations flow with great ease.
BTW my go-to for hair frizz is Ouidad – there are several different products, like one that is for climate control and humidity. I don’t think you can go wrong.
I love that dress! It is tres chic! I think silver accessories sound very classy and definitely a bit younger. As for hair stuff, I am hopeless when it comes to that. I did dye my own hair when I was a teenager, but at that time (grunge, baby!) it was cool to have a green or pink streak, so I just bought it at the store and did it myself. Later I highlighted, but I used to go to the beauty school and let them practice on me and it was way WAY cheaper! Maybe that is an option?
We used to let North dye their hair (mostly colors like blue and purple, though they went for a redhead look once) in late elementary school and middle school, but always as a Christmas or birthday gift because they wanted it done professionally and it’s not cheap. They lost interest after several years.