I am wearing my hair curly today. I kind of hate it??? “Well, just don’t wear your hair curly, Suzanne,” you might be saying briskly, with a tiny bemused head tilt and mild furrow of your brow. And sure, that SOUNDS simple, but a) my hair is naturally wavy/curly, so it requires blowdrying to jar it out of its natural state, which is not ideal ever but especially awful during the sweatslick of summer, and b) my Instagram feed is full of people who look amazing with curly hair and one of my closest friends sometimes wears her hair curly and it is fabulous, so it should be possible for me to wear my hair curly without hating it. So far, it is not possible. I got a gift card from Ulta for some holiday or other and used it to buy a bunch of sample sizes of curl enhancing products. While they do seem to enhance the curl, they do not enhance my appearance. I don’t know what it is. Maybe I just don’t have the face for curly hair? I feel like the curls exacerbate the roundness of my face. And somehow my hair has less volume when curly? Also, it’s very unevenly curly, with tighter coils around the left side of my face and looser/more jagged waves around the back. I don’t know. Perhaps I should have spent the 2020 lockdown pursuing the Curly Girl Method or otherwise figuring out how to like my hair this way. But I did not and so I am going around hating it until it’s time to wash my hair and start fresh.
Nutrition, always a tricky subject, feels like it’s at an all-time low in our house right now. Carla makes her own lunch for camp, and I have to say that I honestly have no idea what’s in it. She wasn’t eating the well-rounded and nutrient dense lunches I packed for her anyway, and at least now I don’t have the double whammy of packing a lunch (ugh) and then seeing it return home after being unrefrigerated all day and having to dump it in the disposal (double ugh). I think sometimes she packs pickles and pepperoni and I close my eyes and concentrate on the fact that one is a vegetable and the other contains some protein.
The way we live our lives is not conducive to a lot of methods that most people seem to use to enforce proper nutrition. (We don’t eat as a family regularly, so I end up making separate meals for Carla which makes life easier in a lot of ways but doesn’t leave a lot of room for modeling the type of eating I want to promote.) But between the possibly garbage lunches Carla is eating and the presence of way too many sweets in her life (she uses her allowance to buy candy and chips at camp and at the library after camp), I feel a little fretful about the future. She’s eleven now, which means that puberty is around the corner, and I think this is a time in her life when she really needs to focusing on eating nutrient dense foods, both for all the growing she is about to do and for establishing good habits as she gets older and takes on increasing responsibility for her own food choices.
But I don’t know what to DO. Hire a nutritionist is a possibility, I suppose, and Stephany’s experience has been positive enough that this has potential. But I am wary of the expense and worried about how hard it will be to find a nutritionist whose philosophies about body size and food morality jive with my own. (Also – and this is silly but it IS coloring my thoughts about nutritionists – a friend of mine hired a family nutritionist and her main suggestion seemed to be about making all sorts of “balls” with protein powder and dates and stuff, and I just cannot get behind a ball-centric food solution. This may sound 100% bonkers, but it is nonetheless true: I do not like foods shaped into balls, and I am not going to eat them.) (Cake pops: no. Meatballs: hard pass. Falafel: no thanks. Protein balls: no way.) I have tried making and eating multiple ball-foods, and I can say with confidence they are a no from me dawg. Beyond hiring a nutritionist, what to do? Oh, and I guess I should say that my word alone holds no water with my child. (For proof: We talked to a health professional, who by the way was not being consulted about food/nutrition and who has no expertise in food/nutrition, who told Carla humans should not drink milk outside of infancy, and she instantly grabbed onto this statement as The One Irrefutable Truth despite all the dozens of very reasonable, science-backed arguments my husband and I made to the contrary.) (And listen: I can, in some ways, understand that argument! I can! People can and do live their whole lives without milk! And yet, “you shouldn’t drink milk” is not a good suggestion to make to A CHILD whose parents struggle to get her to take in enough protein or calcium when milk is a perfectly good, legitimate source of both of those things. Also! I do not force my child to drink milk! I simply put it in smoothies, on the rare occasions she allows me to coax her to drink one!)
Most of that previous paragraph was a parenthetical, and honestly sounds a little crazycakes, so I am going to start fresh. So, options: 1. Nutritionist. 2. Books??? I listened to a pretty decent book called The XX Brain by Dr Lisa Mosconi recently. It’s about how the female brain ages and steps we can take to nourish and protect our brains against cognitive decline. A large portion of the book is devoted to the importance of nutrition, and I found it pretty persuasive. However, the book is not something that would resonate with Carla. Maybe I could try Mosconi’s previous book, Brain Food? Carla and I could possibly listen to it together in the car. It would be better, of course, if there were books about the importance of nutrition that were targeted to her age group. This book seems to have a lot of information, and might be easy to pick up and leaf through… but even in the online sample, it struck me as having an anti-fat bias. A book about intuitive eating but geared toward teens might have potential… This one sounds like it offers a good mix of practical tips and evidence based suggestions, although I would want to read the chapters about “healthy weight” before I shared it with Carla.
Option 3. Podcasts??? Are there nutrition podcasts that would be appropriate for tweens? I almost never listen to podcasts, so I have no idea where to even BEGIN, and when I google there are ten million options which is overwhelming. Ideally, I would want a podcast I could listen to WITH Carla. Like I said, she’s much more likely to take advice from someone who is not me. Plus, I would really love advice about nutrition for kids her age or older. My experience with a lot of “kid-based” nutrition resources (like Instagram) is that they are directed at parents of very young children. I love the Kids Eat in Color account and have gleaned some good ideas from it, but I feel like I should have started following it ten years ago. Not a whole lot of it is applicable to an eleven-year-old, you know? As long as I’m making a podcast wishlist, I also want one that isn’t focused on weight gain/loss or being fat. There are plenty of OTHER valid reasons to eat a well-balanced diet, and that’s the message I want to get across to Carla at this very vulnerable stage in her life.
I want someone to tell me what to DO. Someone who understands that it’s not as simple as “just don’t have those things in the house,” because I don’t want to make “those foods” more tantalizing by being forbidden, and because I do think eating is MORE than just nourishing our bodies. Someone who gets kids who are picky. Someone who knows what to do when a kid is fine just not eating if the food on offer is unpalatable to her. Someone who believes in health at every size and who isn’t going to suggest cutting out an entire macronutrient. Someone who has better arguments against candy and chips than “they will make you fat.” Someone who also believes that candy and chips do have a role – if a far, far less frequent one – in a well-rounded diet.
I want to be clear that things aren’t DIRE, or anything. I think Carla eats a decent mix of fruits and veggies and fats and proteins and carbs. Her doctor has never expressed concern with how she is growing. I just wish I could get her to eat a wider variety of things, and that she would be open to eating a wider variety more often, and that I could get her to be less reliant on/interested in snack/junk foods. I just feel like we’re at an inflection point and I want to help her figure out how to eat in a way that is both nourishing and satisfying. Probably I will just keep flailing along as best I can, punctuated by moments of throwing my hands in the air with the impossibility of it all.
Yesterday, I forgot my address. I am putting this in print both because it was hideously embarrassing to the point that I keep going over it and over it in my mind, and committing things to print often allows my brain to stop dwelling on them; and because I want to have a record of it just in case this is the beginning of a steep slide into dementia. This happened during my writing group session. One of the members asked for my address and I could not remember it. At all. I mean, I knew the street name, at least. But I could not think of the street number. Our other member had to look it up in her phone for me. It was so awful! How do you forget your own address?!?!?! Is this a perimenopause thing? Is this a side effect of my ongoing lack of solid sleep? Is there something else at play? Or is it just a memory blip on the wide spectrum of “normal”? I don’t know, but it was alarming.
What are you thinking about today? Have you ever had such an upsetting memory lapse?
I think you have to just not care about the food. I KNOW. She will figure it out eventually, and you model healthy choices, have the ability to buy anything you want— she is set up to win. Our pediatrician made a super compelling argument to not hire a nutritionist for power/bodily autonomy reasons, encouraging me to step away from my own fat phobia, etc etc etc.
This!!! She has a variety of options. She knows what’s out there. And as she gets older, friends will influence her to try different things. You just model good eating habits, and provide her the opportunity to try. Remove yourself from the equation of what she actually eats.
I have picky eaters- all but one grew out of it. And even he’s doing better about trying. I’m a picky eater ( I have aversions to many textures and spices.) I’m still pretty healthy, and just make sure I eat enough broccoli in the week to cover my vegetable needs.
I also had a health professional tell my growing daughter not to drink milk. She was nice but definitely had a bee in her bonnet about milk. I included my displeasure in the survey after appointment.
What is with these anti-milk people?!?! OMG!
the I KNOW was in response to you (in my head) being like WHAT THAT IS CRAZY, but me saying I KNOW what I am talking about LOL because I definitely do not 🙂
Okay, I have to say that the bodily autonomy argument is VERY powerful for me, so that alone makes me want to take a step backwards.
Also, it is SO HARD to be a woman of a certain age (any age????) and not have some ingrained level of fat phobia. It sucks so much. My only hope is that it is getting diluted with each generation.
I agree with Sarah. The danger of eating disorders is so present at Carla’s age. My daughter went through one, and all I can say about that is I DO NOT WANT TO LIVE THROUGH THINGS THAT MAKE ME STRONGER ANYMORE. It was horrific. Also, I get it. It is HARD to not care about what your child eats. But if she’s a healthy weight (which to me means not actively losing weight and avoiding all food), I would go with it. Model good nutrition, make the food available, and pay attention to what is going on, just in case. (I’m a little hyper vigilant because of my daughter’s illness, for sure.)
Regarding your hair, way back in the 80s when big hair was a thing, I had a friend with naturally curly hair (that makes me think of the girl from Charley Brown, Frida) who would perm it, because her curls would not behave otherwise. That’s likely not helpful, but you’re not alone!
OMG – the random forgetfulness is a thing since I started my 40s! One day I couldn’t remember my ATM card pin. Thankfully that hasn’t happened since. I blank on people’s names, even though I KNOW them! So embarrassing for introductions.
Nothing is more fraught than the topic of food and kids. I tend to think that it all works out in the end – that kids’ tastes in foods matures as they grow and most kids given choices/opportunities will find their way to relatively nutrious foods as they get older. I’d suggest modeling what you eat and getting her excited about new foods in whatever way possible, like integrating your daughter into your meals, having her pick out a dinner to make together that incorporates some things she likes and something you’d like her to try, trying a restaurant/new cuisine that she’s interested in, asking her to pick out a fruit or vegetable for her meals, etc.
Oh gosh, I blank on people’s names all the time! I am constantly apologizing to my husband or parent or whoever is with me while I blithely talk to someone I CLEARLY know but whose name I can’t remember, so I don’t introduce them. It’s terrible.
I ordered a return address stamp for us when we moved and I put the wrong address on it. *sigh* It’s hard to change your habitual address.
My experience with nutritionists has not been like Stephany’s. My husband has seen many a nutritionist because of his litany of allergies and intolerances and they just look at him and shrug and tell him he should be eating X number of calories a day, but how can he when the things he can eat are so few calories? *sigh* It’s frustrating. I have no advice, just commiseration that loving picky food people can be a challenge.
That is MADDENING, Engie. Wtf.
I have mostly straight hair that sometimes gets a little bit of curl, and when I was a kid I was SOOOOO jealous of the curly haired girls. In theory I would love to have curly hair, but I know that there would be maintenance involved and that I would probably not keep up with it. I sometimes curl my hair, but at this time of year there’s no point.
What Sarah said – you just need to magically not care about what Carla eats even though IT’S YOUR KID OF COURSE YOU CARE DESPERATELY WHAT SHE EATS. Even if she’s eating total garbage she sees a variety of foods in the house and she sees her parents not eating pickles and pepperoni for meals so you’re going above and beyond. A session or two with an RD could give you peace of mind and maybe some extra idea, so it’s not a bad idea – but I’m sure that the feedback will be that you’re doing a great job. I seriously doubt that Carla would take any advice since it’s so much more fun to be a kid and not listen to your parents. You got this!
Yes, I think you’ve got it exactly right: in THEORY I would like to have curly hair. But *effortlessly* curly hair.
It does not feel like a great job, but I appreciate the support very much. <3
But what about Schweddy Balls, Suzanne, what about those? I had no idea about your No Balls stance and I find it super interesting. I’m okay with balls in my mouth, as long as they are not meat. I mean, how else does one get their protein?
Lololol okay I’ll get off the subject of balls.
I don’t have any advice about the food thing, because I had boys who grew out of picky eating pretty early and just hoovered up everything, this is in no way a flex, I did nothing, it just is something that happened. Maybe as she gets older and has more experiences with friends, etc., she’ll develop a wider palate? I don’t know. Food is so fraught, especially for girls and women. I have a friend (she’s in Calgary but maybe she does remote consults) who is a dietician who specializes in children and picky eating. Her name is Sarah Remmer (I think her website is just her name, dot com) and she takes a very non-weight-shaming, no-food-is-bad-food approach to her work. You can also check her out on IG for ideas, etc. Hopefully Carla will just figure things out as she gets older, but there might be things she will never enjoy (i.e., me with celery or rhubarb or pie, you with balls) (sorry, I will never get over the balls).
Last, I have not forgotten my address but I frequently forget things like WORDS that aren’t complicated, but I’ll be writing and I’ll think “what is that word, what are words, what am I saying.” This happens on the daily and I swear it happens more with perimenopause.
Nicole, you crack me up. And I am finding NO WAY to defend myself that doesn’t dig deeper into a weird, TMI hole.
Yes, what are words?!?! So many words seem to simply disappear when I know perfectly well they exist.
I will look up Sarah Remmer! Thank you so much!
Oh and I feel about straightening my hair in the same way about you wearing your hair curly. It just does NOT suit me. Every single hair stylist I have ever had always blow dries my hair straight and I hate it. HATE IT. It becomes limp and floppy and does not suit my face at all. So I totally get you.
Doesn’t it feel like hair stylists universally do a terrible job of styling hair after a cut/color? I always have to tinker with my hair, and so does my husband!
The whole thing with the balls had me laughing so hard! That was one of the best things I’ve read all week!
As for food, I think the best thing you can do is let her be. Let her figure it out for herself. There’s already so much “should” around food, so much conflicting advice. If you make it a big deal, it could become a BIG DEAL, maybe even an eating disorder. And that is not fun.
I’m still laughing about the balls!
Okay, yes, this is such a good reminder. Sometimes the best way to make something a non issue is to treat it like a non issue. I am going to try to remember that!
Glad to give you a giggle. 😉
My hair sounds similar to yours. There is kind of a sweet spot in terms of length for my hair to look ok wearing it curly/wavy. It can’t be too short or it makes my face look wider than I’d like. If it’s too long, it’s not curly enough. It honestly looks best straightened/blowdried but it’s too hot to do that. From May-Sept, I only blowdry my hair when I am traveling for work because then I can crank the air up and not die from heat when blowdrying it. Otherwise, it’s curly. But I am a very low maintenance gal so no one is looking to me for perfectly coifed hair so I just kind of accept that it looks “just ok” for about 5 months of the year.
Is your pediatrician concerned about Carla’s eating? I would probably focus on that over anything else. My oldest is exceptionally picky but everytime I bring it up with my doctor, she is not at all concerned and feels he will grow out of it. We adore our doctor and I trust her so I try not to worry about it too much. Paul is a huge milk drinker, though. God forbid if anyone told him humans shouldn’t drink milk. We really bank on his milk consumption to make up for his other eating habits. We have to pack his lunch for the summer program and he eats 2 slices of cheddar cheese, 2 slices of turkey lunch meat with some club crackers, plus some peanut butter sandwich cracker things and an applesauce pouch. It’s not great but at least he eats nearly everything every day.
There is definitely a narrow window for Good Hair Length.
See, I read Paul’s lunch and feel wistful, because I WISH my kid would eat that. That sounds like a very nutritious combo.
My hair is wavy unless I blow dry it and the minute it gets wet, it goes into random waves. I hate the randomness! I can’t think of a parent who hasn’t been worried about their children’s eating or drinking. It’s tricky because none of us wants to make a Big Deal about it yet we also think long term which is a benefit/curse of being an adult.
It is definitely a blessing and a curse!
You don’t like meatballs??? Haha that is so funny to me. I think a blessing of having so many children is that I can only try my best to feed them nutritious meals and I have no clue (if held at gunpoint) exactly what anyone is eating. However I would love for someone to tell me what to do to eat better because I have far too many voices in my head – carbs are bad – eat more fiber- more protein – no dairy – no fruit – no alcohol – well what the heck is left?
NO MEATBALLS.
Right?! Wouldn’t it be nice to have someone lay it all out for you? Life would be so much simpler if we didn’t have to try to parse all the wildly conflicting advice in the world.
I also have curly hair but I wear it straight because I cannot stand things that are disorganized and that includes my hair. And I hate it because it just takes so so long and I do not think that people who can just…wash their hair and then move on with their lives will ever understand.
I am also struggling with feeding my kids because my goodness they are eating all terrible junk and it’s not good for them but I don’t know what to DO about it without causing problems. Anyway, I’m with you. I think I’ll just continue to stress about it in my own head and that’s it.
Yes, the problems!!!!! Why is food so complicated?!?! I suppose that is a very lucky problem to have, in my case. At least the complications are too much junk and not so many worse things. Sigh.
Well, it won’t solve anything but you can always text me to commiserate. And in the meantime I will also continue to stress about it.
I have definitely heard that kind of lapse associated with perimenopausal brain-fog. I know I have had similar lapses recently—but, amusingly/aptly, cannot remember examples.
I know you didn’t JUST move, but I still want to defend you by saying, “you just moved! it’s a new-ish address!” 😉 I have been in my house 10 years and still sometimes transpose the numbers of the address, so don’t worry, you’re in good company.
One of my daughter’s godmother is a nutritionist and the body positive sort of nutritionist I’m gathering you want DEFINITELY is out there. I get the impression that younger ones are more likely to be body positive, all foods are ok in moderation, intuitive about your body, food is fuel not something to be feared etc than older ones. In conversation with daughter’s godmother I’ve learned that many younger nutritionists don’t like or use BMI, for instance, so it seems things are changing. I hate to suggest searching because it’s something I HATE myself, but rather I’m trying to say that if you do want to go the nutritionist route, the kind you’re looking for is definitely there!
i read kind of an interesting book on the subject. I wish I could post a picture, the cover was cute. But check it out:
Suffering Succotash: A Picky Eater’s Quest to Understand Why We Hate the Foods We Hate
Also, At the farmers market I always see those balls of peanut butter, protein and I don’t know what else, coconut? And I think that’s not a snack.
I had a very bad experience with the first nutritionist I was referred to and a pretty good experience with the second, some years later. They can be a real mixed bag.
I’ve mostly decided to land on trying not to worry too much about my kid’s nutrition. I remind myself that as a teenager, I lived primarily on bagels with butter, packaged microwaved bean-and-cheese burritos with chips on the side, and ice cream. And yet here I am now, an adult who eats kale and all sorts of other things.
I had a fairly garbage diet when I was a teen and grew out of it. But I understand the anxiety. It’s hard to hear all these conflicting views about body positivity and mental wellness AND get all the fancy vegetable bento box pictures on Instagram and hear about how important nutrition is for just about…everything.
Carla is loved and is clearly getting enough nutrition to be a very capable, lovely kid who has lots of energy, friends, and enthusiasm for life. I kinda think that’s about the end of what you have to do!
I sometimes get similar thoughts about screen time. We do NOT have any set screen time limits in my household and I occasionally get pangs about how horrible I am for letting my kids spend a Saturday on the couch watching back-to-back movies. But you know what. They’re fine. They’re great! And I watched tons of TV when I was a teen and don’t really have much desire to sit and watch movies anymore!
Changing topics. I LOVE balls. Meatballs. Peanut butter balls (oh my goodness, some of the most delicious mouth-sized nuggets of sweet and salty delights IN THE WORLD), date balls. Yes, please!
First things first. Curly hair. When I first started wearing mine curly full time I HATED it (and some days, still do). But here’s what I’ve found – the longer the hair, the less the curl. Also, the more you go without straightening it; the more your hair will remember that it is curly. Products are also key. But here’s the deal – no one can tell you which products will work best for you. It’s a long drawn out testing process. And when you land on the best you tend to not want to mess with the formula that works for you. For me, I need just a bit of leave in conditioner, either a curl cream or mousse and gel. If I diffuse it, I can get more volume but I can air dry and it’s fine too just less volume.
Food and Carla’s nutrition. No meatballs?! How did I not know this about you? Meatballs are delicious (well not all of them, but most are). Odds are good, Carla is fine and will outgrow some of her pickiness. Particularly since you have things other than pepperoni and pickles available to her.
Perhaps if you include her in some meal planning; she might be more inclined to try one or two new things as long as she has something else to fall back on, in the event the one or two new things aren’t to her liking. I think you just have to keep exposing her to new things; eventually you’ll hit on something that she loves and that will expand her willingness to try new things.
I would have lots of healthy options around, model what you can, talk about food with respect to energy (ie eat some protein so you can feel good later!), or supporting athletic pursuits if that applies. Agree this is a very tough area to navigate.
oh! And sometimes my kids will like picking stuff from cookbooks and be more apt to eat their selections. Olivia Rodrigo or Sabrina carpenter should put one out, ha!
I am a curly-haired person who doesn’t do the curly girl method; it was too much for me. I say, do you your hair however it makes you happiest.
The nutrition thing is hard; there’s so much harm that can be done with the wrong voice or guidance – but nutrients are important and hormones are oof. We’ve navigated this from another angle: a pcp told my girl to go “low-carb” when she was 7 and it caused a lot of damage that we’ve struggled to rally from… This year, maybe because I’ve been binging The Lazy Genius Podcast, we’ve set some house rules for meals that we cook, she packs, etc. and “decided once” for a few months about what constitutes a meal, snacks, etc. that has cut out a lot of “noise” around some of this. It’s not perfect, but I feel less guilt and she feels more empowered, which helps all of us. Sending you good thoughts on this – I know it’s hard!
OKAY. I just have to tell you that I had a terrible, terrible, diet growing up. My parents did their best, but I ate a TON of candy (there were a couple places to buy candy along the route to school, which we walked every day and usually stopped to buy something) and by the time I was in middle school, I had stopped eating most meals with the family. I did crazy things like limit myself to 600 calories a day, then go on binges. In high school I would eat nothing all day, then binge when I came home on granola bars and bread. I mean- things couldn’t have been much worse. I haven’t written about it on the blog, but I was bulimic for years and years. My point in telling you this is, it really couldn’t have been much worse AND YET I STILL GREW UP. I did have some challenges along the way, and I still have issues with food that I struggle with, but I’ve reached the age of 58 pretty healthy, I have two kids and am living a happy life.
Now- my own daughter’s diet isn’t perfect. She eats too much sugar, but it’s nowhere near as bad as I was. She also weighs herself more often than I would like and talks about being “fat” and losing weight- and I’m always quick to say that her body is healthy just the way it is. When she asks if it’s unhealthy to eat oreos I’ll say “It would be unhealthy if you ate oreos for every meal, but once in a while isn’t going to hurt you.” She’ll also tell me about girls at school who don’t eat lunch and they’re “really skinny.” So, I send her along with any lunch I think she’ll eat, which some days is a bagel with butter on it and a granola bar. I know that not a “healthy” lunch, but right now I’m more concerned with making sure she eats enough, eats regular meals, and has a healthy attitude towards food.
For all these reasons, I would be very very cautious about changing Carla’s diet too much!!!!!!!! With my own daughter, sometimes the conversation sounds something like “Oh, you had a frappuccino from Starbucks and pretzels for lunch? You’ll probably be wanting a healthy dinner then. How about a stir fry and salad?” She always says yes to something like that.
Anyway- every kid is different, every family is different, so I understand if you want to handle this differently. But I also want you to know that Carla will grow up just fine regardless- so I don’t want you to worry about it too much.
Thanks so much for this perspective, Jenny <3
My kids do not have stellar eating habits, but now that they are of an age to make most of their own food choices, they do seem to have internalized the eat-a-protein-and-a-fruit-or-vegetable-at-least-twice-a-day rule of their childhood, which is a pretty low bar, but it’s something.
What I mainly worry about is the younger one’s rapid weight gain/loss/gain over the past several years. They are seeing a therapist who specializes in eating disorders, at their own request.
I worry about disordered eating, too, Steph. It’s so hard. It feels so easy to slip into disordered eating of some kind or another. I hope your kiddo gets a lot of value out of the therapist. <3
You may want to look into occupational therapy or speech therapy, both of which can specialize in feeding therapy. I just started with my 5 year old, and it’s been great so far.
do you follow feedinglittles on Instagram? I don’t even have kids but I follow and have seen some good recipes and tips.
and also, I totally blanked on my own address at the pharmacy a couple weeks ago. You haven’t been at the new place that long, I think it’s common to forget it for a moment!
I have naturally curly hair and understand your situation. I finally decided that my hair was a way of reminding me that there is no such thing as perfection, so I should just let it go free… most of the time.
I’ve forgotten my address, too. I rarely have to actually say it out loud or write it anywhere so it slips from my brain. I’ve decided it’s not a sign of senility it’s just how life is now.
Oooof, I think you must be very careful about how you approach nutrition/eating with your daughter. She’s at an age where it’s SO EASY for girls to fall prey to eating disorders/overeating/etc. I found my dietician by doing a LOT of research/reading bios to make sure I was meeting with someone who understood that my goal wasn’t to lose weight. But it wasn’t until I was in my mid-30s that I realized I wanted to work with a dietician. I don’t know if it would have been as successful if I was younger.
The best you can do is what others are saying: model the kind of eating habits you want her to have, be careful about the way you talk about food (no moral judgments; you’re not being “bad” if you eat an extra piece of cake), and have healthy food around for her to grab. She may not choose the healthy food over the junk. That’s normal! (I mean, I have trouble choosing fruit over candy and I’m in my 30s lol) And it’s okay if that’s what she chooses! If she’s happy and her doctor isn’t worried about anything health-related, then she’s doing juuuust fine. (And so are you, mama!)
This post is far from my reality to be honest… and yet very interesting to read.
I have no curly hair. I wish though. The husband is trying all these curly hair products and keeps asking me but its just all same curly to me.
And about the eating… I have no suggestions. I have no kid. I can only say it is tough seeing someone with an eating disorder. It’s very overwhelming and one feels so lost. So whatever you do… maybe not push too much?
Totally loosing your address must be so scary. I hope it was on the spectrum of normal and just a blip.
I could not remember the name of the water park nearby that is in regular rotation in our group – this was last week, and I let it go all day and then finally googled it, and I was SHOOK at how it was just GONE from my brain. I’m assuming it’s the perimenopause thing, because I used to be SO good at remembering names, faces, movie quotes, etc. I hate it.
I am so not a nutritionist, and I think the way things turned out okay for my kids is dumb luck, but Eve has multiple food sensitivities and restrictions, and I just kind of let her eat what she wanted, and now she’s 21 and absolutely fine (I mean, there are lasting gut issues, but she’s a healthy weight and feeds herself well). So my vote would be just to keep letting her eat intuitively.
I sort of have the same hair issues – my hair has a weak curl pattern, but I have to work at coaxing it out, and then one time out of twenty I love it and the others it’s just not great. But it feels dumb to do the other things every single day, especially when it’s hot and humid. It’s a conundrum.
Have you considered going to someone trained in the curly girl method? I have curly hair, that sort of sucks after having babies, hormone changes, and undiagnosed celiac. I think my hair is so easy because of the curls, but this woman’s haircuts has been life changing.
We struggle with similar issues in our house re: nutrition. Especially with the two newbies. We try to give them information and healthy choices and steer them away from too much of anything. We keep repeating things like, we just hope you will make good choices and you don’t want to upset your stomach (again, because that happened).
You did just move, so I think it is totally normal to blank on your address. I’ve blanked on my phone number. I also think it can be attributed to a lack of good sleep. My mind is so much clearer when I’ve gotten a good night sleep.
My son is 4 and is a super picky eater, always has been. I feel ashamed to say that I bribe him with M&Ms to eat his veggies so I do not have a creative solution. There were also times when he went to bed without dinner because I made X and he did not like X, and I refused to be a restaurant, so he got sad and went to bed without eating dinner. He was fine. Don’t they say that humans can last 5 days without food? Kidding, kind of. Ugh, it’s hard. I cannot wait when he is old enough to make his own choices. Pickles and salami sound fine to me.
I think all you can do is give Carla healthy options and encourage her to keep trying things. I think all kids/teens go through weird food phases (sometimes because they’re being stubborn, sometimes because they’re influenced by others), but I think she’ll just have to figure it out on her own. I think the “bodily autonomy argument’ is indeed a strong one, even more now that’s she’s becoming more independent.
I like the idea of a podcast though (if someone has suggestions). I also find: people don’t know how good they body actually feels when they nourish it … but that’s something you have to learn (and probably won’t really “hit” until you hit adulthood.)
Suzanne, I think it’s clear you’re not the only one grappling with how to talk about and model nutrition and food. I think Carla’s a really smart kid – and she’ll figure it out.
OK, on the ball thing? Could you make the ball ingredients into…bars? (I mean, not meatballs, ick, but some kind of protein/granola bar instead of a protein ball, if you wanted to try one?). If it’s the shape that bugs you?
Hair, I got nothing. I look like a schlump on a good day so you’re doing better than I am!