My brain is stuck on spin cycle and it’s Not Great Bob.
I have been eating my feelings, and my feelings taste like vanilla ice cream speckled with rainbow Nerds.
Vanilla ice cream not pictured, as it is already in my belly.
All the things that are stressing me are Champagne problems, so it’s a little frustrating to be feeling so riled.
We are having some landscaping work done. It’s been postponed twice, for no clear reason, which is its own mildly stressful thing. Finally, it’s happening this week and I am so jittery. Will the changes look good, or at least better than before? Will the updates reduce maintenance costs, as planned? Will the new plants survive? Will the transplanted plants survive? Will the project be worth the cost?
A bunch of phone calls I have been delaying continue to require resolution. Just make the phone calls! But I don’t want to, because this will be the second or third round of calls to each of the three places and those calls are either going to result in a) another round of phone tag or b) additional questions / appointments / decision points. I don’t wanna.
My husband and I have completely stalled on our furniture-buying plans. Which is fine-ish, but also I still have an old, torn, ugly couch in my front room and plus we pretty much already CHOSE some of the furniture, we just haven’t chosen everything, and now I am afraid the costs of everything are continuing to climb and/or we will end up delaying the purchases until the holidays when we will already be spending a bunch of money.
My cat is afraid of our Halloween décor. Carla put up all the Halloween decorations yesterday, including the many many wall bats I’ve accumulated over the years (they are my favorite), and poor Leo spent the rest of the evening under my bed, which is where he goes when a Very Loud Noise frightens the fluff out of him. He was super jumpy and weird last night after I dragged him out from under the bed, and then this morning he was super jumpy and weird during our morning routine – only half-heartedly chasing things during play time and then doing that thing where he stands and stares intently into the nothingness as though he is seeing something otherworldly. Do I take the Halloween decorations down? Will ALL decorations freak him out? What is going to happen when we have a Christmas tree in our living room?
We cannot decide what to do for an upcoming vacation. Originally, my husband and Carla wanted to go to either England or Japan, and I was opposed to an overseas trip following so close on the heels of our Paris trip. My alternative was to go skiing out west or to go to Canada, land of so many beautiful sites and home to somanyamazing bloggers. My husband would prefer someplace warm and suggested Los Angeles, Santa Fe, or Las Vegas. (Why do they all have two-part names? Do you think he included that in his criteria?) Carla wants to go to Japan, which would be amazing, but also the very idea of flying such a long distance to a country where I speak no more than a single word of the language gives me the vapors. THE VAPORS. I can’t drum up any enthusiasm whatsoever for the US options my husband has come up with, to the point that I have come around about going to England… but my husband thinks we may not have enough time to plan an overseas trip at this point. So we keep going in circles and not deciding and our designated time off is getting closer and closer. (Where would YOU go?)
I have a dumb post in my drafts that I am probably going to publish and then I’ll feel extra dumb about putting it out in the world, but I keep thinking about it and maybe that’s part of why I feel Stuck lately? Just as you are kind and tolerant of not only my whining about non-problems, but doing said whining when the world at large is facing so many real, hard, life-altering things, and when so many of YOU are enduring real, hard, life-altering things, I am guessing you will be kind and tolerant of my forthcoming dumb post, but I am still feeling dumb about it. And feeling dumb about THIS post, too.
An ongoing unbloggable but also Not Actually Bad situation continues to assert itself despite Taking Measures. I have been venting to friends and sending emails and ordering books and trying to collect my thoughts and trying to figure out if there is someone in authority I can talk to who might have the power to address things. This makes it sound worse than it is; it’s nothing serious, it’s just one of those things that you want to FIX if you CAN.
I have a Social Event to attend and I don’t want to. It’s not like social anxiety is anything new to me, and honestly, now that I’m taking an anti-anxiety medication, the symptoms I typically suffer (sweating, blushing, pounding heart, feeling like I’m going to vom, tangled tongue) affect me a lot less. But I still HATE going to events where I’m expected to socialize with a bunch of people. Hate. HATE.
Again, nothing is really wrong. And yet I am so edgy and hand-wringy about everything. I think what the stress comes from is a) decision-making without a clear winner and/or b) my lack of control over a situation or its outcome.
I was texting with a friend the other day about a similar issue making a tough decision, and I tried to reframe it for her by reminding her that no matter what she decides, the outcome will be positive. That’s true for me, too. So what if the decision-making doesn’t have a clear winner? That means it doesn’t have a clear loser, either! Even if there isn’t a genuinely positive outcome, at the very worst, these decisions won’t be irreversibly damaging if we choose wrong. Like if the new landscaping sucks, well. It will be a waste of money and we’ll be annoyed, but no one is going to die (except possibly some transplanted hydrangeas). And if we hate it enough, in a few years we can hire someone else to do something different.
And look. Leo seems to be coming around on his feelings about the bats.
I woke up at four o’clock this morning and couldn’t fall back to sleep. After some stern self-talk (and some unadvised scrolling), I finally managed to Get Up and Start the Day, which I find very difficult to do when I could be sleeping. When I go to bed at eleven, I want to sleep until six. Well. It seems that I am not the only one of us who is struggling with sleep these days, and I hold up a sleepy yawn-covering hand in solidarity.
Gift Giving Give Up: Thank you for your ideas about what to get my niece! I ended up… totally giving up on getting her something special. Carla and I instead went to Target, where Carla picked out something she was sure her cousin would like. We added a little souvenir we’d picked out for her in Paris and then I threw in a gift card for good measure. Is it the big, special, milestone-marking You Are Ten! gift of my dreams? No. But some days I just have to acknowledge that a) I am a mediocre gift giver and b) I got a gift in the mail, so that she will (hopefully) feel loved and celebrated. Some other soothing thoughts I am focusing on: 1. We got my niece’s parent a super special gift for a milestone birthday and to this day I’m still unsure if the gift made it. 2. No one got Carla anything extra special for her tenth birthday, and none of us felt slighted. 3. The gift is IN THE MAIL. (Buying gifts for my niece has got me thinking about Carla’s upcoming birthday, and what to get her. Ugh. She has expressed interest in roller blades. Is that something I can just… buy? Or does she need to try them on? Is it better to go to A Sporting Goods Store to find them or does it matter??)
Will Not Give Up, Will Not Give In: You know who isn’t giving up? The grocery store tulips I bought last weekend. They are in the sunniest place in the entire house, and yet there has been very little sunshine of late. But have they withered and died? No, they have not. They have instead stretched as far as their stems will allow them, to eke out every last morsel of sunlight they can get from our sun-starved spring skies.
Is It Time? My holiday cards are still up in my kitchen. More and more, recently, I have been looking at them and wondering, is it time to take them down? I continue to conclude that no, it is not time; I still enjoy wandering around looking at the happy faces and joyful messages. My mother keeps holiday cards on her fridge all year round; a friend I haven’t seen in too long used to keep holiday cards up on the picture rail in her kitchen all year. I have never once thought, “Hoo boy, those are long past due to come down.” Clearly I have a bias. Anybody else still have their holiday cards on display?
The Last of Us. Psych – this is not about the hit HBO series. (I am loving season 2, by the way.) This is about the last X that never seems to get eaten. Right now, we have a well-past-its-prime banana and a couple of crusty, near-stale pieces of sourdough that have not yet been – and, I hazard to guess, will never be – eaten. I sort of understand this phenomenon when it happens at, say, a work event where no one feels comfortable taking the last appetizer off the tray. But when it is your house? And when you are the only person in the house who eats bananas? JUST EAT THE BANANA. Possibly I am enabling the situation by buying new bananas and sourdough before every last crumb (what is the banana equivalent of “crumb”? weird sticky string?) of the previous purchase has been eliminated. I am not going to make banana bread or banana muffins with the lone overripe banana; I have learned from hard-earned experience that those will simply languish uneaten as well.
Today’s Tasks: Now that I am awake, I can turn my attention to the things on my to-do list. My priorities include: Grocery shopping; I am hosting Mother’s Day brunch and am planning on making this frittata (except with sausage instead of prosciutto). An editing/revising task for my volunteer role that I have been putting off for unknown reasons. A series of phone calls I have been dreading; I need to find someone to address the possible rotting issue with some of siding. This is the worst kind of phone call, in my opinion, because I have very little idea what the problem is or what I need, plus I think this is a situation where it’s prudent to get estimates from multiple sources which means I have to research and then call multiple places, feeling stupid each time. And then I have to deal with the inevitable call-backs and juggling of schedules and ick. The level of resistance I feel toward completing this task is astronomically high. In positive to-do list news, I have managed to sign Carla up for every camp she expressed interest in. I think her summer is going to be very fun but not overfull.
Hey, look at that! I managed to end what somehow turned out to be a list of whines on a positive note! Now it’s time to go wake up Carla, which – thanks to a friend’s suggestion that we start the day watching cat videos on Instagram – is one of my favorite times of day, when it used to feel like walking unshielded into a hardcore dodgeball game.
I know you are buzzing with the anxiety of knowing whether I completed my to-do list on Friday. Let me put you (temporarily) out of your misery: No, I did not.
But! I did accomplish parts of it.
I made the phone call and hopefully our late fee/credit card charge have been eliminated and we have not overpaid for a month of this utility service. Time will tell. (Just a note: it took me a good ten minutes to even find the phone number I needed to call; it is not online anywhere, I don’t think, and I had to search through bills in my email. Then I got an automated message that the wait time exceeded twenty minutes, so they could call me back, and I chose that option. Only to look perplexedly at my phone 45 minutes later to find that I HAD missed a call, but my phone chose to silence it as it had determined the call was probably spam. I did get through to a live human on my next call though, so all is well that ends well.)
While I posted photos of my supposedly daily walks, I did not go for a walk Friday or do any sort of exercise. (Wait a second. We did wander around a farmer’s market for awhile. And then Carla and I did go swimming Friday – the last swim of the season – and I did twelve laps of various poorly executed strokes. My watch said I burned 30 calories LOL.) Sigh. I did go for two delightful walks on Saturday though – a walk with a friend in the beautiful autumn woods, and then a flashlit walk with Carla and the puppy she was dog-sitting. Sunday, again no walk at all – WHY is it so challenging to get outside or on the treadmill for TEN MEASLY MINUTES? – but at least I did a strength training workout. Also, for the record, I am walking on the treadmill as I type this post.
Did I find a new eye doctor? No I did not. My eye doctor efforts included a) whining about eye doctors to my friend during our Saturday walk and b) whining about eye doctors to my parents on Sunday. My husband, who was on hand for the second bout of whining, did some research into potential eye doctors. He discovered that perhaps I have been unable to get in to see MY eye doctor because he may no longer work for our hospital system and discovered that one of the only eye doctors accepting new patients is an eye doctor I saw a dozen years ago and decided against seeing again.
I folded the clean laundry in the photo I posted Friday, plus a surprise load of clean laundry I’d left and completely forgotten about in the dryer, plus a load of darks. And I did manage to WASH three additional loads of laundry – four, if you count the reds that are in the washing machine as I type. One of those loads is now occupying the clean laundry basket so recently emptied; another is on my bed as fresh, clean bed linens; a third is in the dryer. There is still a load of mainly-black clothing on the floor of my bathroom but it will at least migrate to the washer today.
Finally, an unadulterated success: I DID make dinner Friday. I found a new recipe for barbecue pork, made it, and my husband liked it much better than he likes our old recipe. I like it fine, although it’s a little too vinegary. But that’s nothing a big slosh of barbecue sauce and sriracha won’t fix. Saturday I did not make dinner; I went out to lunch with my friend after our walk and it was amazing and there’s no way anything could top it, so my husband ate leftovers for dinner and I finished off the last of the previous weekend’s chili (do not tell your husband, Engie; although I did survive, so the gamble paid off). My parents made dinner Sunday and I’m really enjoying this not-making-dinner kick so let’s see how it goes.
Anyway, since so much of my weekend has been occupied by laundry, I am in the mood to talk about laundry. (This is the part where your misery amps back up.)
I am 99% sure that others in our blogging community have discussed this topic before, but blog topics, like laundry, are not meant to be addressed once and then never again. As I was dutifully whining and complaining about doing laundry, I was noticing some of the things I do and wondering how YOU do them in your house.
Collecting the Dirty Laundry:
We have three laundry hampers in our house. Carla has one in her closet, my husband and I have one in our closet for white clothing, and another one in our bathroom (a mere five feet from the closet hamper; it makes sense, I promise) for colors. When it’s time for laundry doing, which I probably do once a week unless I have a burst of There Is a Better Way to Do This Task, I sort the laundry into piles on my bathroom floor. Then I enlist Carla to sort her own clothing and add her piles to my piles.
Sorting:
The piles I sort laundry into are roughly: whites, white towels, towels (and swimsuits), darks, lights, blacks and reds, delicates, rags. Carla and my husband sometimes struggle with what belongs in the darks pile vs the lights pile, which indicates that I may be overly rigid in my definitions. Especially because it 100% doesn’t matter in any way; I think I could probably get away with washing even the reds and the whites together and they would be fine. Really the only reason I divide things into piles at all is because they have to be divided somehow – there is too much laundry to fit into one wash cycle – and it would offend my aesthetic sensibilities if they were all jumbled together helter-skelter.
The lights pile includes things like pale blues, light greys, light greens, yellows, khakis, light wash denim. The darks pile includes dark wash denim, navy, dark blues/greys/greens. The color my family wears by far the most often – and by “my family” I mainly mean me, but Carla does contribute a lot of pinks – is black, closely followed by things in the red family, which includes purple, burgundy, and orange. I wear black leggings nearly every day and a lot of my sleepwear (different leggings) is black as well. If, as I did this laundry cycle, I wait so long that we have enormous quantities of black and red clothing, I will separate them into two piles. Wow, this is boring, and yet I persist.
Getting the Piles into and out of the Laundry Room:
Usually I wait to sort laundry into piles until I have a good wave of laundry energy. But sometimes I will sort and then allow the piles to remain in our bathroom as some sort of avant-garde commentary on consumerism and laziness. I take each pile into the laundry room separately, loading the entire pile precariously into my arms. Do we have a (separate, dirty-clothes-only) laundry basket for just this purpose? Yes. Are the laundry hampers themselves on wheels? Yes, they are. Do I persist in hugging a giant pile of smelly laundry to my chest all the way to the washer, dripping socks and underwear whilst in danger of tripping over dangling sweater arms? Yes, yes I do. I am better about using the (clean clothing only) laundry basket to transport clean things from the laundry room to the folding space. But there is NO WAY to easily get the clean clothes into the laundry basket. Our dryer is stacked on top of our washer and I inevitably drop socks or underpants on the floor. And the laundry room is also our mud room, so this is probably not great, Bob, but I tend to look the other way.
Responsibility:
Probably 90% of the time, I’m the one doing the laundry. I sort it, get it into the washer, less frequently get it into the dryer, then haul it into my bedroom for “folding.” I say “folding” because I only fold some of the clothing. I do not fold my or Carla’s underclothes, because we both prefer a jumble of drawers in our drawers. (I do fold my sports bras though.) To recap a topic I have already covered quite thoroughly, I bundle my socks together, and gently fold over the very tops of my husband’s dress socks, and stack his athletic socks in a neatish pile. I throw Carla’s socks in a pile because she enjoys mismatched socks, although this strategy is not working as well anymore as it should; she has a whole drawer full of socks and still tells me nearly daily that she can’t find any socks; something must be done to resolve this. I fold everyone’s pants and pajama pants, my husband’s underwear, and all my leggings and workout clothing and pajamas.
I do not fold any of my husband’s shirts, as he prefers to do that himself. (Thank goodness, as I am TERRIBLE at folding. NOTHING is uniform.) I do not fold any of Carla’s shirts, as we have discovered that it works better for her to hang all her shirts in her closet rather than to stuff them into her dresser where they will never be seen again. Instead of folding, I lay everything out neatly – my husband’s stuff on his side of the bed, mine on my side (although I usually put my things away as I go), and Carla’s on the bench at the foot of our bed. My husband is then responsible for folding his shirts/putting his clothing away. Carla is ostensibly responsible for putting her clothing away, but it is more often than not sitting on the bench in my bedroom for weeks at a time.
Things like rags, dish towels, and bath mats have somehow become my sole responsibility. I do not know if they would ever make it into the wash if I didn’t wash them. Do my family members know they require washing? Hmm. Perhaps I need to follow up on this one.
My husband takes sole responsibility for washing his dress shirts. They require additional attention, apparently, so I just stay out of it. Luckily, he owns more dress shirts than a J. Crew store, so he only washes them rarely.
Historical Precedents:
I don’t know why we fold laundry on our bed. Maybe because it is technically closest to the laundry room? Or maybe because it makes it very simple for me to put my things away immediately? At our old house, laundry folding took place on the guest room bed. That made it all too easy to ignore the laundry for eons, so I think I prefer this setup, where we have to deal with it before we go to bed.
When I was growing up, I have no recollection of where the laundry was folded. Perhaps in the laundry room, and then stacked on the ironing board? Perhaps on my parents’ bed? My mom did a load of ironing every weekend, and that took place in the laundry room or in the living room. I do not iron, so that’s not really a thing in our house. The only ironing board we own is a tiny dorm-size one that must have belonged to my husband in college.
Sometimes I will fold rags or towels in the living room in front of the TV, or dump rags in a pile on the ottoman for Carla to fold while she watches TV.
Carla knows how to do laundry, and sometimes helps. I did my own laundry from the time I was in middle school, and in fact used to iron my own jeans. Perhaps this is why I have such an aversion to ironing as an adult. Not that anyone was forcing me or even recommending that I iron my own jeans as a middle schooler, mind you.
My husband also knows how to do laundry, and does it better and more efficiently – thank you to my mother-in-law – and we used to do laundry together in our college laundry room, when it was mildly scandalous to launder our underthings in the same room, a time I look on fondly. By “better” I mean that he is more thoughtful about things like temperature and heat settings. I pretty much wash everything in cold and dry it all on regular, but he’ll wash towels in hot and dry them on the towel setting, things like that. (I wash rags in the sanitizing cycle, and throw both Oxy and vinegar in with the regular laundry soap.)
Laundry Approaches:
My husband and I have some very different approaches to laundry. One is towels. I like to run towels separately from clothing, because I feel like they take longer to dry and also they displace more fuzz than normal clothes and also because they are towels and clothing is clothing. My husband is fine washing his white undershirts and socks with his white towels. I say, to each his own.
He is also a bit more strict about volume. I figure, if my washer claims it can handle a king size comforter, then I can usually get all of our black and red clothing to fit in one load. I do have limits. But he is much more wary of overcrowding.
The other major differentiation between us is something I have written about all-capsily before; in this house, we do not have a towel for any purpose in the laundry room, even though our current washing machine is also a front loader.
Shifting Values:
My position on bleach has changed over the years. When I was a kid, we had well water instead of city water, so we didn’t really own any white clothing. But any white clothing we did have required bleach to maintain its purity. For years after I moved out of my childhood home, I continued to bleach our white clothing. But in the past six? ten? years or so, I have moved away from bleach. I make liberal use of Oxy Clean, especially with our white bedding and my husband’s white clothing and towels, and I haven’t noticed any degradation in color.
We also used to use liquid fabric softener, but the washer in my current house does not drain the liquid fabric softener properly, so we have moved to dryer sheets. I’ve tried dryer balls exclusively, but those don’t work as well as the sheets. I do forget to add sheets a good amount of the time. Shhhh – don’t tell my husband.
Laundry Problems:
By far my biggest laundry problem is forgetting to move things from the washer to the dryer, and then needed to re-run them with vinegar and Oxy to get rid of the inevitable mildew smell. That has been a problem ever since I moved into my own house and out of a dorm room/apartment with a shared laundry space. But. Now there is another laundry problem. One that also necessitates re-washing entire loads of laundry.
Why yes. That IS dog food. Carla apparently stores dog food in her pockets and then forgets to empty her pockets before she puts her clothes in the laundry. And then I forget to check her pockets before I run the laundry. The dog food gets all mushy and coats the entire load of laundry in Eau de Dog Food, so there is no choice but to run it again with a stiff dose of Oxy and vinegar.
For those who observe Yom Kippur, I hope the holiday has been meaningful for you. For those who observe Canadian Thanksgiving, I hope the day is full of good food and empty of drama.