Guess who’s cranky

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Weekend Breakdown

How was your weekend, Internet?

Here in the USofA, it was a holiday weekend. From a Companionship and Connection standpoint, it was a standout weekend. I am trying so very hard to hold onto the warm fuzzies I have from spending time with dear friends and beloved family members, but I will be honest: I am cranky.

Content Note: What follows is some whining from a highly privileged and wildly fortunate individual who really has nothing to complain about. I don’t blame you if you don’t have time for that, so I’ll see you on the flippity flop.

My husband got Friday off, which meant that instead of going into the office and seeing patients, he went upstairs to his home office and dealt with insurance companies and pathology reports and patient calls from home. Sure, he got to sleep in and wear shorts and a T-shirt and he didn’t have to commute. Still… That’s not really a day off.

Also, the WEATHER, my god. The weather has been my absolute least favorite, unless you count “active tornado” which is worse. It has been SO HOT and SO HUMID and I HATE IT.

Friday afternoon was miserable.

Thank goodness we have a brand new air conditioner and a pool!

Except that last week, my daughter’s room was hovering around 80F (26C) at night. The HVAC guy had warned me, after the installation, that our AC had been off for a full day, so the second floor of the house would take a couple of days to get back to temperature. But… 80 degrees after four days of waiting seemed reasonable enough. Also, we had two VIPs arriving that afternoon, and a third later that evening, and I did not want them to be sweaty and uncomfortable.  

Fortunately, the HVAC guy was working on Friday and came right over and very enthusiastically tested the velocity of our air output from each register and measured the temperature of the air coming out and checked all the connections and did a bunch of other things and by the end of his visit, things were cooling down.

AC accounted for, I went out to clean the pool. (Well, I didn’t clean it, I let the pool guy do it.) The previous owners thoughtfully installed an automatic pool cover, which has been wonderful. The pool stays fairly clean, the water doesn’t evaporate as much, we have fewer critters leaping to their deaths in the water. But it would not open. And it was SO HOT. Together with my husband, we coaxed it into opening about halfway, but then it refused to move any further. Listen, I know the VIPs would have been gracious about not being able to swim, I know this. And yet. Plus, my daughter was having a friend over and I much prefer having lots of outdoor options for kids to relying on a cooling-but-still-too-hot room and a bunch of tempting screens.

Fortunately, the pool service person was working Friday! He sent out his best guy, who managed to open the pool cover. But, he noted, it will not close. We’ll have to get a pool cover specialist to come address it. Can’t wait.

Saturday morning, my daughter notified us that there was something wrong with her ceiling. We trooped into her room (cooler, thank goodness) for a look. Hmm. A suspiciously leak-like circle surrounded a tiny crack in the plaster.

Yesterday, my husband was unloading the dishwasher while I was trying to write. He opened a cupboard to put something away, and the glass lid of a casserole dish leapt out at him and shattered into smithereens on the kitchen floor. It hit the counter on the way down, leaving plenty of smithereens all over that, as well. Thank goodness it didn’t land on his foot. But the poor guy had large hunks of glass ON his bare feet and said he wasn’t sure how or where to move.

Fortunately, after a three-stage cleanup, we got the glass taken care of with minimal bleeding.

Then I got my period for the second time in about twelve years (I take oral contraceptive pills to prevent that; it should not be happening.)

Then I got a notification from Costco that my contact lens order hadn’t gone through because my prescription was outdated.

Then my daughter notified us that her ceiling looked worse.

Then I discovered my cat had knocked a section of staples off my desk and batted them across the room. I don’t think he ate any of them – he doesn’t really EAT things, except food and plants – but I don’t know that he didn’t eat any of them. All the online resources I consulted said a) this is an emergency, call the vet immediately or b) this is not an emergency unless he shows XYZ symptoms, watch him carefully or c) give him food right away to help get the foreign object through his system or d) absolutely do NOT give him food because it could cause or worsen a blockage.

“I would never eat a staple.”

Of course I had nightmares all night, mainly about being pregnant and the baby not doing well. This morning, I noticed that the house felt warmer than it should be, and when I call for cooler temperatures, it doesn’t do anything right away (at all?). The ceiling crack is holding steady, but we are expecting more thunderstorms and more rain.

Today, of course, I have been making all the calls (and you know I love phone calls) (no): To my eye doctor, to update my prescription. To Costco, whose online platform allows me to cancel my previous order, but does not allow me to update or change my prescription. To the pool cover people. To the roofing contractor who is handling our as-yet-not-started roof replacement. Do I call the vet (the cat is behaving totally normally, including eating and producing waste as usual)? Do I call my primary about the spotting? Do I call the HVAC guy?

Yes, I acknowledge that I am very lucky that THESE are my biggest problems. I am grateful to have experts to call (if they would only call me back) and grateful to have the resources to address the issues.

I AM STILL CRANKY.

Okay, deep breaths. Let’s combat the crankiness with some reflection on the absolutely wonderful parts of the weekend.

  • My time with the VIPs was fabulous. It is so rare for me to find people I like and like spending time with, if that makes sense? Even with people whose company I really enjoy, I often end up feeling depleted of energy at the end of our time together, which is not a reflection on them, that’s just my introverted personality. But the VIPs were the opposite. They charged my social battery instead of draining it, and I was sad to say goodnight at the end of our time together, and I hope to see them again sometime soon.
  • Saturday was a quintessentially perfect summer day. My whole family slept in (with a brief wake-up for me at 5:30ish to feed and play with the cat, who slept in until 6:00!) and then spent the afternoon in the pool. It was hot enough that the pool felt wonderful and breezy enough that the heat was tolerable.
  • Fourth of July was pretty great. My family typically spends July Fourth in the basement, feeling crotchety toward our neighbors who set off fireworks. To be clear, this is our preferred way to observe Independence Day. But I asked a friend what she was doing for the holiday and she told me, and then asked what I was doing, and when I said nothing she either took pity on me or thought I was angling for an invitation to her event, because she invited my family to join hers. We had such a nice time! She is my friend for a reason, and she and her family are lovely and welcoming and it was actually kind of nice to celebrate the holiday instead of boycott it. The day’s promised thunderstorms never materialized, and the weather was less humid than it had been. The evening ended with a fireworks show that was the perfect amount of spectacular and the perfect length. I had forgotten the special kind of buoyant unity that fireworks can inspire. And by the time we got home, our neighbors had nearly finished their own fireworks show, so we only had to endure a few pops and booms.
  • The extreme heat may be ebbing. Not only is today supposed to hover around 77F (25C), but the weather forecast suggests that we are taking a turn toward the high 70s/mid 80s (24/30C), which sounds a hell of a lot more pleasant than last week.
  • My cat continues to be The Best Cat.
Here he is, glaring at me because I am Outside and he is Inside. He disagrees with my assessment that his triple-layer coat is incompatible with our current temperatures.

Okay, as per usual, being grateful has shifted my mood toward the positive. Thank you for reading. If you have any complaints, big or small, I am happy to listen!  

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Dinners This Week, Sick Food, Fall Crankiness

Of course, Carla ended up getting sick last week, so all my dinner plans went right out the window. (She is fine now, and also it was neither covid nor strep.) 

Should I even MAKE dinner plans this week? 

Well. I have a few things I can salvage from last week, and a few other ideas. 

Dinners for the Week of September 15-21

Okay. So there’s that sorted. 

Clearly, when someone gets sick around here, the dinner plans go straight out the window. I am very easy to throw off track, I guess. No, wait. I am super flexible when plans change. There, that’s more palatable. My husband and I just end up eating random stuff around the house – which can sometimes include cereal or yogurt. Carla had a pretty decent appetite despite her cold, so she ate things she normally eats (roasted salmon, chicken nuggets, meatballs, bagel with cream cheese). 

Whenever I’m sick, my mom suggests making chicken noodle soup. To her, that’s the ultimate sick food. 

I do remember eating Campbell’s chicken soup when I was a kid, and enjoying it. But as an adult, it doesn’t do anything for me. When I’m under the weather but still able to eat, I usually go for carbs: toast with butter, bagels with butter, baked potatoes with butter. 

Carla will not eat soup, full stop. For her, sick foods typically look like… popsicles. Otherwise, she eats pretty much what she always eats.

My husband likes a bowl of matzah ball soup when he’s feeling rotten. I do not know how to make matzah ball soup; fortunately, there are a few places I can get it as takeout. 

What do you eat when you’re sick? Do you find chicken noodle soup as restorative as my mom does?

In other news, it still feels like summer outside, but it looks like fall. The thing is, I am feeling Extremely Cranky about fall this year. I don’t even know why! I have such a bad attitude. This weekend, my husband and I spent an afternoon by and in the pool – it feels like one of our last opportunities to enjoy it, and the summer didn’t afford as many pool days as I’d hoped – and I tried to take in the beauty of the changing leaves and the scrubbed-clean sky. 

And yet I am so very grumpy. Some of the grouchiness seems to be related to the impending holidays, I think. My family has four birthdays coming up and Thanksgiving and Christmas and Hanukkah, and I am not looking forward to ANY of it. In fact, the other day I asked my husband if we could maybe tell the family that we aren’t doing gifts this year. We could get presents for Carla and my niece, I conceded. But no one else. I don’t know how that will go over, in a family that has Gift Giving as a love language. Who knows. Maybe the grumpiness will subside? 

I really wish I could just get over this feeling. Is there a way to turn things around? I’m being Actively Grateful, which is the only strategy I can think of. Maybe I just need to ride it out. 

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Five for Friday + Mini Giveaway

1. For Valentine’s Day, I made two kinds of cookies. I had some leftover scraps of dough, so I cut out little hearts and whipped up a strawberry buttercream frosting and made little sandwiches. They were cute and tasty. Then I added a few cookies to these adorable plates I found at the grocery store of all places and gave them to a couple of local friends.

    My husband and I exchanged cards and candy and we got Carla a bunch of candy and a little pink bunny. (Side note: I happened to be near a Kohl’s recently and went in, remembering the luck I’d had finding stocking stuffers there. They had one tiny Valentine’s Day display and the rest of the holiday products were related to Easter. And not just bunnies — they had a strange array of large, weary-looking pigs, which seems a little odd for Easter. I mean, I would look weary if I were a stuffed animal on display in a Kohl’s too, that’s gotta be a hard job, but they were not particularly cute or cuddly and really seemed like they were counting the hours until they could clock out. I DID find one small, pink bunny and snapped it up.) Carla also cut out a bunch of paper hearts and stuck them all over the walls of the house. It was adorable and the hearts are still up and may remain for months.

    2. A recent parent interaction has me feeling cranky. And ranty, just to warn you. I was at a school event and several of us were discussing various challenges our kids are having, as one does, and the topic turned to leaving our kids at home alone. I was struck, once again, by how adamant some people are that their way is The Only Way. The comments ran the spectrum from, “Oh my gosh, I would NEVER leave a kid that age alone!” to “There is NO REASON a kid that age can’t stay at home by themselves for reasonable periods of time.” With equal emphasis and near outrage. 

    I don’t know why, after nearly eleven years of being a parent, I am still surprised by people’s inability to consider the wide array of differences in our situations, upbringings, and specific children, but I guess I am. I’m guilty of it too – I still cringe, remembering how I’d mentioned to a friend that I OF COURSE make my child sit in the back seat because the American Pediatric Association says it’s best to have them sit in the backseat until age 13… and then she’d gently noted that her child is not yet 13 and sits in the passenger seat. Gah. When I KNOW that she is a wonderful, thoughtful parent and also know that MANY of my kid’s cohort sit in the front seat of their parents’ cars, for a wide variety of reasons I cannot begin to know because I am not them. (ALSO, lest you have a moment of panic about your own car-seating choices, the APA data on why age thirteen is a magical turning point for kids suddenly being safe to sit in the front seat is not super persuasive! I have read it!) 

    Okay – there are obviously some parenting choices that are less safe than others; if we’re talking about an infant in the front seat, that would be different; if we’re talking about a child riding in a car without restraints, that would be different. But there are SO MANY things that have NO SINGLE RIGHT WAY and yet some people seem incapable of understanding that there are many equally fine ways to do a thing. 

    This comes up every time I mention that my daughter needs melatonin to fall asleep. People have strong feelings about melatonin! As they should! And yet I have Reasons – and have carefully considered the angles and have consulted with multiple physicians and continually revisit whether it’s a good idea in our particular case for our particular child. It’s just so frustrating when someone says, “I would never give my kid melatonin” or “If she’s tired enough, she’ll fall asleep on her own” or “She clearly needs more physical activity during the day, that’ll help her sleep” as though they know. 

    And this happens with everything! I have had people scold me for allowing my child to wash her own hair. Does she do a great job? Not particularly. But am I weighing Other Factors? YES. The ways we judge one another are endless! Food – frequency, type, preparation. Buying clothing at Target vs upscale department stores. Bedtime. Age-appropriate chores/responsibilities. Sleepovers. Access to devices. 

    Screen time is a big one. For my particular kid, screens are a no-go on weekdays. There are REASONS for this. Do I despise screens? Not really, no. Would I love to be able to set her up with a TV show after school while I make dinner? Sure! Would it be much more convenient if I could say yes to her playing a video game after she does her homework? Definitely. BUT IT DOES NOT WORK FOR US. I have no concerns about YOUR family’s screen time choices. None! If your kid has unlimited screen time every day, I am sure that is a choice you made based on what’s best for your kid and your family. (Please note that I am aware too much screen time can have a negative impact on children. I am not advocating setting your three-year-old in front of a screen all day every day, although of course there are still probably Reasons someone might make that choice! Like if that is the only way you can work the job that allows you to feed your family or if you are so sick or pregnant you cannot do anything else or all sorts of other situations I know nothing about.) If you ask me about screen time for my kid, I am neither judging you for your own screen time limits nor inviting you to say, “Come on, an hour of Netflix after school isn’t going to hurt anyone.” 

    I know I cannot SOLVE this problem, and all I can do is surround myself with people who say things like, “This is what we have found works for us,” and who don’t make black-and-white accusatory statements about what I SHOULD and SHOULD NOT be doing without having all the information I am trying to balance, but I am SO SICK OF IT. Listen. I am not saying that I am completely free of judgment. We all judge one another, to some extent, because usually we think our choices are The Right Ones. But… I try really hard to acknowledge that we all have different value systems and different priorities and that, mostly, we are all trying our very best. Also, we can all judge one another SILENTLY. It is hard enough to be a parent, turning to other parents for support about choices that you have made based on Reasons but maybe you aren’t really sure are the BEST choices, as in my case with the melatonin, you are just doing the best you can with the information you have, without having someone who is not an expert, especially on YOUR CHILD, say you are Doing It Wrong. 

    Wow. I really got fired up about that. MOVING ON.

    3. Accidental laundry efficiency hack? Laundry is my nemesis. I am pretty good about sorting the clothing into piles, and pretty good about putting the piles into the washing machine and washing them. I am less good about remembering to dry the freshly washed clothing, and then really terrible about folding the clothing. Yesterday, I had two loads of clean, dry laundry to fold and I was dreading it. I had a little more than twenty minutes before I needed to leave to pick up Carla from school and I just wanted to finish my book. So I made a deal with myself: I would set my timer for six minutes, and fold laundry until the timer went off. Then I would go read for fifteen minutes. Even a little progress on the laundry would make me feel better about it, I reasoned. Plus, sometimes if you get started on an onerous task, momentum will carry you through. I set my timer for six minutes, started folding… and FINISHED BOTH LOADS IN SIX MINUTES. How is that possible? In my head, folding laundry takes HOURS. But two loads took six minutes! (To be fair, I don’t fold all of Carla’s clothes, because a lot of them hang up in her closet. Also, I only put away my own laundry – my husband and Carla ostensibly move their clothes from my bed to their own drawers/hangers.) It was an astonishing and bolstering discovery. Has this new knowledge prompted me to fold the clean and dry load of laundry that is currently hanging out in the dryer? No, it has not.

    4. How about a little mid-February giveaway? Amazon has issued me a refund for a product I did not return. I ordered a book and have not returned it; it’s right next to me as I type this. Nor have I returned anything else. And yet I got an email from Amazon saying they had processed my refund. I would like to pay for a product I received and kept, so I looked online at my options… and the only option I found (“cancel my return”) simply took me in a loop back to the returns page. I was able to chat with an associate, and they said I could keep the item. Seems like the perfect excuse to do a little giveaway. I have $14.40 in money that I should not have, which is the perfect amount for a paperback book that you’ve been meaning to read for a few years but haven’t gotten around to. If you want the chance to get a free paperback book, and are willing to share your address with me, let me know in the comments what backlist book you would order. I will randomly choose someone and send them the book of their choice, compliments of Amazon. Unfortunately, I will only be able to include US readers in this mini giveaway, which is a huge bummer. But if you are from outside the US, I am still interested in whatever backlist book you have been meaning to read but haven’t gotten to yet. Let’s say this giveaway is open until midnight on Monday, February 19 or until Feedly decides to say I wrote this post, whichever comes LAST.

    5. I am suffering from home maintenance burnout. This past fall, when we moved to our new house, we had to do so many things, some elective, others more urgent… and I grew so very weary of all of them.  But that doesn’t mean we are DONE with the home maintenance issues. I feel like they continue to pile up. This includes things I knew about last year that I intentionally put off until the spring (getting a tree cut back, finding a pool person, getting our air ducts cleaned, looking into the carpenter bees issue with our roof) as well as things that have cropped up in the interim (some electrical issues, a leak in our furnace, also our furnace is making a weird noise, our doorbell is caput). But I am having such a mental block to doing the things. Maybe if I write about it here, the guilt and self-consciousness will spur me to schedule at least one of them? Maybe I need to apply my laundry efficiency hack to making home maintenance phone calls, somehow? (Except they always drag on so much longer than they should, and require research and multiple phone calls and visits. This is part of the problem.)

    That’s all I have for today, Internet. Hope you have a wonderful weekend!