Weigh in Wednesday

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Weigh In Wednesday: Take One, Leave One

I find myself in need of advice on little silly things that are nonetheless driving me crazy. In exchange, I thought I’d share a few little tips that have been helping me out lately. 

If you have any hot tips to share, please do so; if you are in need of any advice, ask away. I will chime in if I have something to offer, and I hope your fellow readers will do so as well. 

Tiny Tips That Are Making Life Better

  • Low-Effort Houseplant Watering: I love houseplants – looking at them, owning them, watching for new growth or flowers. And I am also terrible about keeping on top of their watering needs. After several died or nearly died, I finally broke down and bought a pack of plastic watering bulbs so that I could put one in every single plant I own. It’s not foolproof – they do need to be refilled every week or so, depending on the plant. But it is making my plants SO MUCH HAPPIER and my days are no longer punctuated by random stabs of guilt when I realize it’s been several weeks since I last watered my plants.
  • Morning Time (and Madness) Saver: Mornings have always been tough in my household. They continue to be tough, especially since we have added Primping to our daily routine. And also, school starts earlier this year than it ever has before so we need to be out the door fifteen minutes sooner than we did last year. One thing that has made getting out the door slightly better is to keep a hairbrush, hair ties, and a small makeup kit in my car. That way, Carla can do her hair and makeup while I am driving her to school. Secondary tip: One common frustration around here is that no one can ever find a hairbrush when she needs it. I bought a bunch of small hairbrushes so that Carla can keep one in her backpack, one in her sports bag, and one in her locker.

  • Easy Sheet Pan Meal Clean Up: I love sheet pan dinners, and I love using a barrier between the food and my cookie sheets so I don’t have to deep clean the cookie sheets every night. (They don’t fit in the dishwasher.) I own reusable silicone sheets, and use them for certain things, but they are too difficult to clean for me to use them every time I make a sheet pan meal. For the longest time, I’ve been using aluminum foil. But I am continually frustrated by food sticking to the damn foil. I tried parchment paper, but found it super annoying because it’s so insubstantial it doesn’t stay in place and it’s difficult to crease. I’d seen tips before for putting a little sprinkle of water or cooking spray on the cookie sheet to hold the parchment in place, but it doesn’t always work and/or it requires me to wash the cookie sheet, which I was trying to avoid by using parchment in the first place. Then I saw someone on Instagram crumple up the sheet of parchment paper before smoothing it out onto the cookie sheet. GAME CHANGER. 
  • Connection Points When Talking Is Hard: The credit for this genius idea belongs with my friend G. She told me that she and her daughter have a special notebook in which they write each other secret notes. “Secret” in that no one else can read their exchanges. I have tried this technique with Carla, who can be quite reticent about sharing her feelings and talking about her worries. It works so well. She is willing to share all sorts of things in writing that she refuses to discuss out loud. Because of this silly little journal we pass back and forth, I feel much more connected to her and what’s going on in her inner world. It’s not even something we write in regularly. Sometimes we’ll go back and forth for a few days, sometimes the journal will sit untouched for months. But so far it’s been the perfect bridge when I sense she’s something is troubling her but she’s reluctant, for whatever reason, to share it, or just when we haven’t had a chance to chat in a while. Oh look – there’s a whole line of journals specific to this purpose. We just use one of the many old journals I have lying around.
  • Instant Mood Improver: Get a cat. Please note: mood improvement requires close proximity to cat and may disappear once cat is out of sight, which could be quite often, depending on the cat. 

Please Advise: Here’s Where You Tell Me What To Do

  • Do you have any tips for making it simpler to put laundry away? Especially if those tips apply to getting other people in your household to put laundry away? Our current “system” involves me doing laundry, folding or sorting Carla’s clothing, and then asking Carla to put it away. Which results in Carla using my bedroom as a dressing room, because that’s where I fold the laundry. I have started putting the clean/folded laundry in a basket and putting that basket in my bedroom on the landing outside Carla’s room in Carla’s room, but still – the basket remains there, full of clean clothing, growing less folded by the day, until I Make A Fuss. And honestly, the Making A Fuss only results in the laundry ending up on the floor, which makes me incandescent. I have not opened the door to Carla’s closet lately, and do not want to, lest my head implode like a firecracker. I am willing to do Drastic Things. Should I get rid of 75% of her clothing? (I did ask her to go through her wardrobe this summer and remove everything she doesn’t or won’t wear.) Should I buy her another dresser?  The child has AMPLE storage, seriously, so much storage, but what we are doing is clearly not working for her and she doesn’t have any ideas (besides I like having all my clothing in a laundry basket / on my floor) for how to make the situation more user friendly for herself. The only thing I am unwilling to do is put her laundry away myself. She’s twelve. She can put her own laundry away. Oh, okay – there is another thing I am unwilling to do: ignore the mess. I have tried that tack and it is not workable for me or for our family. 
  • What are your favorite low-effort houseplants? Especially if they require low light? As I mentioned above, I LOVE plants and would love more. But a) our house has very little direct light and b) the cat will seriously eat any plant, or at least give it a little taste test, so any plants I buy need to be non-toxic. I have moved all the currently toxic plants I own to out-of-cat-reach spaces, but they aren’t necessarily low-light plants and they aren’t doing very well. For instance, the Christmas cactus and the kalanchoe I owned pre-cat have been relocated to the top of my bookshelves, and they are no longer dying of thirst but they are clearly not loving their lighting conditions. I have also purchased a few plants that require “bright, indirect light,” and even those seem a little light-starved. I think I need plants that thrive in less light. But not no light. All the plants have access to natural light. Just not bright light.

  • How do you keep your fingernails tidy? Okay, confession time: I am a nail picker. I will pick at my nails and the skin around my nails, sometimes until my fingers bleed. I think I developed this gruesome habit as an alternative to nail biting (although I still do that at times, too, ugh ugh ugh), and I am ready to stop. But… I don’t know HOW. It’s a nervous habit, for sure, and I don’t think you can help me get over my social anxiety. But part of the reason it’s such an addictive habit is that my cuticles (is that the right term for the skin on the sides of my nails???) are often dry or peeling or otherwise pick-able. Right now, my pinky finger is all painful and inflamed because of this habit and I Don’t Like It. My questions for you are: a) If you or someone you know has gotten over this gross habit, HOW? And/or b) Is there something I should be doing to enhance my overall nail skin / fingernail / cuticle health? I do tend towards dry skin, and use Working Hands cream like it’s my job. But I get overwhelmed by the abundance of cuticle oils and creams and have no idea which ones WORK. Or if buying a “cuticle remover kit” would do anything at all to help me.

I do not want to end this post on weird giant photos of my fingernails, so here’s where I turn things over to you. What hot tips do you have to share today? Or, at least, the little things that are making your day-to-day easier/better/more enjoyable? And in which areas are you in need of advice?

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Weigh In Wednesday: Hypothetical Cat; Pet Names

I had a dream the other night that I borrowed a cat. It was a kitten, actually, probably three to six months old – that skinny, lithe stage of kittenhood. The kitten was a dark grey tabby. His name was Craig. 

My family and I sometimes discuss cat names. Our goal is to come up with the most ridiculous possible name for a cat. So far, our favorites are Jeremy and Trey (said always in the accent of the SNL Californians skit; see 4:03 in this video). I like the idea of having a pet named Pickle, but that strikes me as more of a dog name. Or maybe more appropriate for a Guinea pig.

My husband – who self-identifies as Not A Cat Person – took me and Carla to a cat convention earlier this fall. It was a long drive in pretty crummy weather and I think it may have been the most bored I’ve ever seen my husband (although he didn’t say A WORD), but Carla and I had a blast. I wasn’t sure what to expect. There were booths of cat toys and cat towers. There was a cat costume contest. There were meet and greets with cat influencers (I am not kidding). But also, there were so many cats! Not all of the cats were available for petting – and, of those, not all of them were in the mood – but we did get to pet a lot of cats. 

If you have read this blog for any amount of time, you know that Carla is an avid animal lover. But do you know this about me? I love cats. LOVE THEM. They are my favorite domestic animal. (My favorite wild animal is the porcupine.) If I had my druthers, I would have a house full of cats. 

Carla, as I’ve noted, is an animal lover. She does not discriminate per species. I think she would welcome a menagerie of pets, from snakes to parrots, hamsters to fish. Her favorite animal, I think, is a dog, and she and my husband would own a dog in a heartbeat if I weren’t standing in their way. (Once, when Carla was maybe five, she said in that charming/alarming matter-of-fact way of children, “If you died, we could get a dog.” Yes, there’s always a bright side my sweet child.)  

Now: brace yourself, because this next bit may be unpleasant.

I do not want a dog. 

I appreciate dogs. And I love seeing dogs on your blog and in my email and in your holiday cards and in my text messages. Seriously, you cannot tell me enough anecdotes or send me enough photos of your dog (or child) (or non-dog pet). I love your dog! I do. But I do not want a dog of my own.

I am a cat person. I really hope this does not change our relationship. 

The thing is, I am allergic to cats. (And dogs, if we’re being honest. Yes, yes, I know all about hypoallergenic dogs.) So I have never gotten a cat, despite the deep yearning in my soul. 

Nonetheless, my husband and I maybe started saying things like, “Perhaps when we have a new, bigger house, we could get a cat.” And the more we said little “maybes” like this, the more my desire has ballooned.

So I was especially keen, at the cat convention, to hold and pet and rub my face against a Siberian. This is a type of cat that has low levels of the protein that causes allergies. It’s a long-haired cat, though, and I have visions of pooplets adhering to butt fur, and visions of cathair tumbleweeds collecting in every corner of my home. But they are very cute cats. They have very agreeable, friendly, doglike personalities, which the Siberian breeder’s partner said pointedly to my husband; “That’s what the men like to hear,” he said, and then shared an anecdote about he never liked cats until he started dating a Siberian breeder and now he loves them. The breeder had two very adorable kittens and I snuggled them and put my face right up into their fur (which I’m sure was a little alarming to the breeder, and maybe the kitten) and I didn’t have ANY REACTION the whole day. 

This isn’t an announcement of anything. It’s just a fantasy at this point. I have too much going on right now to add another living being to the mix. Also, Siberian kittens are pricey, OMG. Also also, I need to get past my fear of loving a thing that will inevitably die; it’s hard enough being confronted with that truth when it comes to my parents and brother and husband and child. 

But maybe, one of these days, we’ll have a little kitten. And I will definitely try to convince my family to name it Craig. 

When I was growing up, we had a lot of cats. They were barn cats, and some of them didn’t last very long. But others were beloved family pets for years. Naming them was one of my favorite things, and I always leaned toward human names. We had, at different times, two pairs of tabbies: Scarlett and Rhett (which is a very odd set of names to give two cats from the same litter, but it made sense at the time), and Rebecca and Josh (yes, I named a cat Josh). There was a beautiful black cat who visited us occasionally – we called him Romeo and I’m guessing he was responsible for Rebecca’s litter of kittens. (Spay and neuter your pets promptly, folks!) Of those, I remember a pale grey cat with white spots I named Cooper and a white cat with seal-point markings I called Kimberly. We kept Kimberly and gave all the other kittens away. A friend adopted one of them – a little black fluffy girl cat with a white chest – and named her Panda, which was short for Pandemonium. Speaking of punny names, I had a friend whose brother raised pigs for 4-H and he named two of them Oscar and Mayer. A little mean, that. 

I used to show my cats for 4-H. Kimberly won a blue ribbon, which makes me giggle because even though she looked like a Siamese, she was 100% pure barn cat. 

What would you name a cat? What pets have you had in your lifetime, and what were their names? What’s the best or worst possible name you can think of for a pet, and why do you think some names work better than others? Like Oliver is a great pet name – I’ve known several dogs and one cat named Oliver – but the idea of naming a dog or cat Brian or Frank or Anthony or Eric or Margaret or Jean or Susan makes me giggle?  

I am kinda sorta attempting to complete NaBloPoMo, with the full expectation that life will make it impossible any day now. If you want to follow along, or join the fun, check out San’s blog here. 

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Weigh In Wednesday: Family Who Live Nearby

Ever since my parents left this past weekend, I’ve been feeling a little low. It was so good to have them here. We spent many hours together each day, drinking wine or taking walks or watching Jeopardy or playing games or reading near each other. My parents spent so much time with my daughter, doing sewing projects and baking projects and house repair projects and taking her to activities and listening to her practice her instruments. They took us out to dinner and watched Carla so my husband and I could take a mini vacation. They fixed things and helped tremendously with Thanksgiving dinner. And now they are gone and the next time we plan to get together is in March. I miss them. I hate saying goodbye. 

But there is a distinct possibility that our goodbyes will be fewer and farther between. I am so reluctant to post about this because I am afraid I will jinx it… but things are moving forward, and it looks like my parents may be moving to our state. Like, thirty minutes away from us. I am suppressing an excited squeal just at the thought of it!!! It is so exciting!!!! All the exclamation points!!!!!

I am looking forward to this for many reasons – not the least of which is that I will breathe a little easier once they are no longer spending 100% of their time in the remote northwestern forest surrounded by literal wolves and lions and bears, a ninety-minute drive from the nearest emergency room. But I am also just so excited that we will live near other! Within a reasonable driving distance! We could just decide, out of the blue, to get together for dinner!!!

Ever since I left home for grad school, I have been separated from my family by no fewer than 1,500 miles. Currently, we live 1,900 miles away from my parents. Previously, it was 2,200 miles. (My brother, for comparison, lives 2,400 miles away from our parents and 4,000 miles away from me.) Planes fly to cities near my parents’ house, but there are no direct flights to these cities and then you have to drive 90 minutes to get to their house. Visiting one another requires long hours of travel and lots of expense. When my husband’s family lived in Europe, it took less time to get to their house than it took to get to my house in the United States, from our college, which is also in the United States. This is a lot of boring numbers to say WE LIVE FAR AWAY.

You are starting to understand my excitement, yes?

I am also excited, of course, for Carla. She will have grandparents nearby! They will be able to attend her sporting events and music performances! When she has an urge to make a pumpkin pie with a real pumpkin, she could just… join my mother in her kitchen and make one like they did this Thanksgiving! Maybe my parents will babysit occasionally, or even have Carla over to spend the night! I don’t know; we haven’t worked out the expectations yet. But it’s all really wonderful. I feel sort of breathless with the possibilities.

I grew up seeing my grandparents very infrequently. My parents moved away from their (separate) home states once they got married, to a very rural town in the northwest. Their siblings, too, scattered to farflung states across the country. If I was lucky, I saw my grandparents once a year. Maybe an aunt and a cousin or two every couple of years. (Although admittedly, my memory sucks. I can remember specific occasions with family, but not the dates or frequency with any sort of reliability. Maybe we saw them every year; I don’t know.) 

All this means that I have NO IDEA how to exist in the same place with my family. And I don’t want to overwhelm my parents with “CAN WEs” and “WHY DON’T YOUs” and “I CAN’T WAIT TOs” when they are probably going to want to settle in and make their own friends and establish their own routines. But obviously I want to be part of their routines!!!! 

* Deep, calming breath. * Okay. Clearly, I need to chill out. I am just so over the moon about them being close to me. 

Here’s where you weigh in: If you live (or have lived) near family, I want to know how and when and how often you interact with your family members.

First of all: Which family lives nearby, and how near are they? Is it your family of origin, or your partner’s? 

How often do you see each other? And what do you do? Are there regular get-togethers, or one-off interactions? Do you have Sunday dinners each week? Do your parents take the kids every Friday? Do you go out for coffee with your sisters every first Wednesday? 

What do you do for holidays? Do you all get together, or do you split things up? 

Do you have a “come over any time, let yourself in the front door” type of relationship? (I… do not think I could do that. And I don’t think my parents could, either. But I think my in-laws would be that kind of people.) Do you get antsy if you go an entire day/week/month without seeing your family members? 

I am most curious if anyone has been in my specific situation: where you went from No Family to Family Nearby. What kinds of adjustments did you undergo?

If you could re-design your family interactions, knowing now what you didn’t know at the outset, what would you change?

Possibly because I grew up in a small family – just me and my brother, and we are six years apart in age – and spent so little time with our extended family, I find bigger/more tight-knit/more physically-near families to be so fascinating. Like my friend whose brothers all get together weekly on Zoom for a family chat. Or my friend who goes to her in-laws’ house every single Friday for dinner. Or the friend whose sister married her husband’s best friend. Or the sisters in Bad Sisterswho are so up in each others’ lives they plan a murder together. What do I know – maybe that is a totally normal level of familial intimacy. 

I want to know all about your experiences – and hey, even if you don’t live near family and never have, I want you to weigh in on what your ideal Family Interaction Situation would be.

Guess what? It is the final day of NaBloPoMo! I made it! Thirty posts in thirty days. Congrats to everyone who participated and thank you to San for hosting! Thanks so much for sticking with me, this month and beyond. To find a list of other NaBloPoMo bloggers, visit San’s blog here.