Ever since my parents left this past weekend, I’ve been feeling a little low. It was so good to have them here. We spent many hours together each day, drinking wine or taking walks or watching Jeopardy or playing games or reading near each other. My parents spent so much time with my daughter, doing sewing projects and baking projects and house repair projects and taking her to activities and listening to her practice her instruments. They took us out to dinner and watched Carla so my husband and I could take a mini vacation. They fixed things and helped tremendously with Thanksgiving dinner. And now they are gone and the next time we plan to get together is in March. I miss them. I hate saying goodbye.
But there is a distinct possibility that our goodbyes will be fewer and farther between. I am so reluctant to post about this because I am afraid I will jinx it… but things are moving forward, and it looks like my parents may be moving to our state. Like, thirty minutes away from us. I am suppressing an excited squeal just at the thought of it!!! It is so exciting!!!! All the exclamation points!!!!!
I am looking forward to this for many reasons – not the least of which is that I will breathe a little easier once they are no longer spending 100% of their time in the remote northwestern forest surrounded by literal wolves and lions and bears, a ninety-minute drive from the nearest emergency room. But I am also just so excited that we will live near other! Within a reasonable driving distance! We could just decide, out of the blue, to get together for dinner!!!
Ever since I left home for grad school, I have been separated from my family by no fewer than 1,500 miles. Currently, we live 1,900 miles away from my parents. Previously, it was 2,200 miles. (My brother, for comparison, lives 2,400 miles away from our parents and 4,000 miles away from me.) Planes fly to cities near my parents’ house, but there are no direct flights to these cities and then you have to drive 90 minutes to get to their house. Visiting one another requires long hours of travel and lots of expense. When my husband’s family lived in Europe, it took less time to get to their house than it took to get to my house in the United States, from our college, which is also in the United States. This is a lot of boring numbers to say WE LIVE FAR AWAY.
You are starting to understand my excitement, yes?
I am also excited, of course, for Carla. She will have grandparents nearby! They will be able to attend her sporting events and music performances! When she has an urge to make a pumpkin pie with a real pumpkin, she could just… join my mother in her kitchen and make one like they did this Thanksgiving! Maybe my parents will babysit occasionally, or even have Carla over to spend the night! I don’t know; we haven’t worked out the expectations yet. But it’s all really wonderful. I feel sort of breathless with the possibilities.
I grew up seeing my grandparents very infrequently. My parents moved away from their (separate) home states once they got married, to a very rural town in the northwest. Their siblings, too, scattered to farflung states across the country. If I was lucky, I saw my grandparents once a year. Maybe an aunt and a cousin or two every couple of years. (Although admittedly, my memory sucks. I can remember specific occasions with family, but not the dates or frequency with any sort of reliability. Maybe we saw them every year; I don’t know.)
All this means that I have NO IDEA how to exist in the same place with my family. And I don’t want to overwhelm my parents with “CAN WEs” and “WHY DON’T YOUs” and “I CAN’T WAIT TOs” when they are probably going to want to settle in and make their own friends and establish their own routines. But obviously I want to be part of their routines!!!!
* Deep, calming breath. * Okay. Clearly, I need to chill out. I am just so over the moon about them being close to me.
Here’s where you weigh in: If you live (or have lived) near family, I want to know how and when and how often you interact with your family members.
First of all: Which family lives nearby, and how near are they? Is it your family of origin, or your partner’s?
How often do you see each other? And what do you do? Are there regular get-togethers, or one-off interactions? Do you have Sunday dinners each week? Do your parents take the kids every Friday? Do you go out for coffee with your sisters every first Wednesday?
What do you do for holidays? Do you all get together, or do you split things up?
Do you have a “come over any time, let yourself in the front door” type of relationship? (I… do not think I could do that. And I don’t think my parents could, either. But I think my in-laws would be that kind of people.) Do you get antsy if you go an entire day/week/month without seeing your family members?
I am most curious if anyone has been in my specific situation: where you went from No Family to Family Nearby. What kinds of adjustments did you undergo?
If you could re-design your family interactions, knowing now what you didn’t know at the outset, what would you change?
Possibly because I grew up in a small family – just me and my brother, and we are six years apart in age – and spent so little time with our extended family, I find bigger/more tight-knit/more physically-near families to be so fascinating. Like my friend whose brothers all get together weekly on Zoom for a family chat. Or my friend who goes to her in-laws’ house every single Friday for dinner. Or the friend whose sister married her husband’s best friend. Or the sisters in Bad Sisterswho are so up in each others’ lives they plan a murder together. What do I know – maybe that is a totally normal level of familial intimacy.
I want to know all about your experiences – and hey, even if you don’t live near family and never have, I want you to weigh in on what your ideal Family Interaction Situation would be.
Guess what? It is the final day of NaBloPoMo! I made it! Thirty posts in thirty days. Congrats to everyone who participated and thank you to San for hosting! Thanks so much for sticking with me, this month and beyond. To find a list of other NaBloPoMo bloggers, visit San’s blog here.
*checks clock to see how much time I have to write*
I have a lot to say! First, congrats on NaBloPoMo and EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE on your parents moving close by!
I grew up with grandparents in a different province, and we saw them a couple of times a year.
Until 2014, my parents lived ten minutes away from me. My husband’s parents were/ are an 8 hour drive away. My parents now are about two hours away, which is doable for a weekend. I have a brother in town and one in another province, and I see both very rarely.
I often think I could never have survived without having my mom close by when the boys were little. She was such a help. They were so close together in age, and it was hard. Sometimes I would just go to their house to get a break, you know? My mom would often babysit for an afternoon, and my parents would sometimes keep them overnight – not often, but a couple times a year. In fact I never had a babysitter because my mom would always do it when we had a party or event. After they moved, the boys would stay with them for a few nights or a week, about once a year.
When they were in town we often had Sunday dinner at their house. I would go shopping with my mom sometimes. Hmmm…can’t remember all the details now. For holidays, it depends. Mostly we’d go to my parents, but sometimes we would go out to see my MIL. She is an anxious person though, and gets extremely stressed at the thought of travel, so we didn’t travel to see her in the winter, i.e., Christmas.
My brothers and I are very different, and so I don’t have a lot of contact with them, even with the one who is in the city.
My mom lives on the other side of the country. We usually only see her once a year. But until the kids were six and eleven she lived three hours away and we’d see her (and my stepfather) more often. We’d alternate Thanksgiving and Christmas with each set of grandparents and she’d come here or we’d go there for a weekend a few times a year. A couple times she took the kids for a whole weekend so Beth and I could have a getaway. I miss her being moderately close.
I’m (sadly) estranged from my parents, so I have nothing to add there. But I’m so excited for you!
I’m so happy for you, and also jealous. My parents used to live 2-ish hours away, but now they live 5-ish hours away. We see each other every few months, but they can’t babysit regularly or jump in to help out when a kid is sick or school is closed, etc. I imagine that it would be VERY convenient. I will say, however, that my sister lives in my town (~2 miles away) and we see each other once or twice a week and our kids are extremely close, so that is wonderful. We’re best friends, so I wouldn’t trade it.
This is EXCITING! I’m very happy for you (no jinxies)!! I’ve never lived close to my parents (unless you count a 5-hour drive as close, which some might). But I have 2 things to share about my family. 1. Where my parents live, there are lots of my cousins and their families, as well as my mom’s sister and husband, and they definitely all get together for Sunday dinners and most holidays. Shawn and I wonder if we lived also there, would we ever be able to skip it? Or would eyebrows be raised if we did?
2. When we lived near my Granny, I remember she would sometimes just show up unannounced at our house, and would wait in our driveway if we weren’t there. Like, Mom would have picked us up from school, done an errand or two, and we’d arrive home to see Granny’s car there, and she was just waiting. Just popping by for a visit! It’s so funny to me now but it drove my Mom a bit crazy (it was her MIL). 😉
That’s so wonderful! I’ve had my in-laws live with my husband and I, when my kids were little and they were also going through some things. Overall it worked out for both of us at the time, but they eventually moved out. As you’d expect we got on each others nerves at times. Having my Dad/in-laws nearby would be ideal! I’d love to see them more often. Right now it requires either a 10 hour drive or a flight to see them. As my dad’s health becomes more tenuous I wish he was closer to take care of him; he refuses to move and it’s not an option for me right now. Our time together is special and I make a point to visit as often as I can.
I am lucky enough to live about 10 minutes away from my in-laws and about an hour from my mom. They are close enough to come to concerts, sporting events, and school functions, which the kids love! My in-laws can also pick the kids up from school if needed, and they have a sleepover once a month or so. It’s great! EXCEPT…my husband and I have had to set boundaries with all of them. He doesn’t get along great with his parents so we no longer go there for dinner regularly. And my mom would be here every weekend if she could, but we have other stuff going on!
As for holidays, my in-laws usually include my mom if we go there. We do a lot just the 4 of us to cut down on the drama, but I wish it wasn’t that way. We do live about an hour from my extended family and get on great with them; I wish we saw them more.
My father is another story. He and my stepmother live on the other side of the world, about as far away as you can get. He has only met my kids 2 or 3 times, and doesn’t really try to stay in touch. We can’t afford to fly there. It’s difficult, but so is he, so maybe that’s for the best.
My parents live downstairs from us (we live in a two family home) and it is the best! We definitely can go days without interacting, but usually one of the kids will sneak down to say hi and get a treat from Gammy. They do not really babysit for us (they are in their 80s) but will pick up a kid from practice or give me some eggs when I realize I’m out and in the middle of trying to bake a cake. I will send down dinners some nights, or pick up groceries that they need and we basically just help each other out and hang out without always being up in each other’s business. They are cool with us visiting them unannounced, but they always text or call to visit us, which is what I prefer. I am so happy for you!!!!!!!!!!!!
When I was a kid, both sets of grandparents lived close by. We were in the suburbs, with one set of grandparents in the next suburb over and the others in the city center. The city grandma spent the day with us every Wednesday (my grandpa was working so we didn’t see him a lot). And my brother and I would sleep over at their condo in the city a few times a year. And we were together for holidays. My other grandparents lived closer and we saw them a lot too, but not on a set schedule. Maybe once a week or every two weeks, plus holidays. And we had sleepovers with them too. And they would watch us for a week at our house when my parents went on vacation. Overall both sets of grandparents were very involved and a big part of my childhood. My dad’s parents are now in their late 80’s and live in Florida. We talk on the phone about once a week plus visits.
Now I still live in the same city as my parents and they are divorced. My mom has been watching my 3 year old on Fridays since he was born, and we see her on weekends now and then, and she will take my son for a night or two occasionally. My dad is in Arizona half the time, but we see him on Sunday afternoons and Wednesday dinners every other week. I’m hoping to repeat my childhood experience of having very involved grandparents! My dad just took my son to Arizona for Thanksgiving for 4 nights, which is the longest I have ever been away from him. They had a blast!
Love this for you! We lived about 3 hours from most close family until a few years ago when Ben’s parents moved to Florida and my dad died. Now we are 3 hours from a couple siblings and my mom and plane ride away from Ben’s parents and my brother. Growing up, my dad’s parents lived in town, and my mom’s were 5 hours away– we were close to all of them regardless of distance. I like to be close-ish but an open door policy wouldn’t work for me either, I don’t think. But! This makes me thin about my own kids– I hope they all live down the street for me forever LOL.
That is so very exciting! I hope it all works out! Having family close by can be a really wonderful thing. I grew up with my paternal grandparents down the road from us. I biked down there a ton and spent a ton of time with my grandpa and his brothers in the shop next door to our house. I rarely spent the night there, but with 5 kids my parents didn’t really have the ability to go away for weekends and I don’t get the sense they wanted to? But they also ran a business together and it was very very hard to get away. They didn’t go on a real vacation until I was around age 11 or 12? They went on a cruise and they split the kids that were still home between grandparents and my aunt and uncle. My maternal grandparents lived an hour away so we saw them quite a bit.
Now, I live about 30 minutes from my MIL and about 3 hours from my parents. I see my parents the most in the summer when we go to their lake home. They are very much home bodies so don’t really like to come here to Minneapolis unless they are needed. They did come for several of my nephew’s football games but they would often drive back after the game! Since I am 1 of 5, my parents have a lot of kids/grandkids, especially since 3 of us kids live within 3 hours of them. I am very grateful that they are willing to watch our boys for 4 nights so we can go to Mexico. My mom is very excited. We’ll bring them to the lake home as that is what my parents preferred. If i was them, I would come here and send the kids to daycare but my mom wants extra time with them. My dad does, too, but my mom is the one who does a lot of the care taking for young kids and is obsessed with them.
My MIL is local so we see her more often, but with Will at this stage, Phil usually goes out there after quiet time with Paul about every other Saturday. It’s easiest for Will and I to stay back. My MIL very much depends on Phil as he is her only living child and her only immediate family. We are all she has, although one branch of her late husband’s extended family has kind of adopted us as part of their family. So we always spend Christmas Eve w/ that branch of the family – who we absolutely adore. And then we have Christmas at home. I haven’t been home for Christmas since 2017! Because of the size of my family, it can be very overwhelming to go home for the holidays, especially for my husband who comes from a tiny family. And my parents home is just not huge enough to host everyone and all the grandkids, etc. So sleeping arrangements are tough w/ my kids at their ages. My parents seem to understand that we need to stay here w/ Joan so she isn’t alone. She can handle being alone on Thanksgiving or Easter but Christmas is just different. So we often spend Thanksgiving with my family and sometimes Easter but it kind of depends.
Lastly, while my MIL is local, she is NOT a babysitter. She does well with Paul but could not handle Will. She’s 79 and just doesn’t have the stamina. Which I get. My parents are around 74, I think, and they are a young 74, probably because they had their last child at 40 so that kind of kept them young? So I have never had the benefit of local family to provide child care. I used to watch my local nephews when they were younger but can’t imagine my brother/SIL doing that for me. They are so busy w/ their boys’ activities. This is why we haven’t been on a date since March 2020… I know I need to remedy that but it feels like a major hassle to hire a babysitter and I don’t know how Will would tolerate it… But at least we are taking this Mexico trip!
Yay! I’m so excited for you and your family. I’m sure there will be an adjustment period, but it will be so much fun in the end.
I don’t live by my family and haven’t lived closer than a 2.5 hour drive to them since I left college, so I can’t speak to this, but I do have a quick tale from the in-laws. Two of my husband’s brothers live in the same city as my FIL. One of them used to live within walking distance of my FIL and my FIL would always just stop by without even a phone call of warning. My SIL actually MOVED to be farther away to prevent these drop-ins. My FIL and his new wife recently bought a new house within walking distance of that same family. I didn’t get a chance to ask my SIL about it over Thanksgiving, but I can only imagine she’s upset. Ha. I hope she sets some boundaries with his new wife ASAP.
I’ve always lived very close to my parents which has been extremely helpful when my daughters were young and is great now that my widowed mom is 90 and needs assistance. It truly has come full circle. My daughters have been thousands of miles away and during a pandemic, that’s been tough. (especially when my older had her first son in 2020) This past year, they’ve both moved within a half hour of me; my older daughter gave up her job in NY because she wanted to be closer to family and a support system. They had no one there. A few weeks ago she had her second son and I was able to be there to take care of my older grandson and to smooth the rough edges of having a toddler and a newborn (month preemie) baby. I would say that open communication (what would your parents like/not like to be involved in?) and giving each other space are important.
First – YAY! To finishing NaBloPoMo. And double yay to having family nearby.
I can tell this is going to be long, but I’m just so happy for you!!!
My paternal grandmother lived in the the US and we were up in Eastern Canada so I didn’t see her very often, which was likely a good thing. She was opinionated and bossy and rather mean to my mother. It was not a good relationship. My maternal grandmother (both my grandmothers were widowed early) lived about 5 hours away. I saw her 2-3 times a year. She was absolutely lovely, but of course never was able to provide any support to my parents. It was always a planned “visit” – she’d stay for a while, but mostly we went to visit her, usually just my Mom and I for about a week and I have the BEST memories from that.
All my siblings live at a distance. I see them every 1-2 years. One sister I would LOVE to live closer to; my other siblings…I’m quite fine with only seeing them every few years. There are some frictions that would not be improved by closer proximity.
My in-laws live about 15 hours away. My MIL is in long-term care with dementia, but my FIL is in excellent health. We typically see them about 1 time/year. He was just down to visit!
My parents…I’ve never lived more than 5 hours driving distance away. I see them about 6 times a year; we visit their house on the lake 2-3 times/summer, and then they usually come to us for special events (Thanksgiving, Christmas) in the off-season. In 2018, when my father had some short-term health issues, he decided they needed to overwinter away from the lake (it’s very, very remote; they only heat with wood, have a 0.5 km long driveway etc). So they found an incredible rental house about 5 minutes walking distance from where I live. It is perfect. We see each other almost daily, but in a wonderful way. They never want to impose, but we overlap randomly (I’ll bump into them at the grocery store) and then plan to do things many days (today my daughter is going there after school; they’re coming to our house for supper). I actually love the 4-month window to have them extra close because it makes it more special?
I really, really wish they had been closer when I had smaller kids and we had NO family support (and very little money to hire babysitters). But better late than never and I’m loving it. I also feel at this stage I can enjoy them more; the little years were so hectic and messy and exhausting, and it feels like a great time for them to really be able to interact with their grandkids. No seatbelts to buckle or butts to wipe; it’s a lot less physically intensive for them than it would have been even 2-3 years ago.
I wouldn’t say we have any boundaries because…well my parents are really great. They have their space, we have ours and we’re just genuinely happy to be so close. They love being able to attend concerts and see all the little things they miss when living even 5 hours away. Just about any other family member though would require SIGNIFICANT boundaries. For instance, one member from my husband’s side of the family mentioned moving closer and I was absolutely panicked and told my husband – with a very resigned sigh – well, I guess we’ll just have to move.
Honestly, I think you’ll find it all works out organically in terms of “boundaries” – they’ll find a community of friends and have their own lives, too! My Dad, for instance, audits classes at the local university each winter, so for chunks of most days from January until they go home in March, he’s “at school!” Their activity calendar fills up fast, which just makes me heart burst <3
None of my family are “drop in unannounced” people. I have 2 adult nieces who live 10 or so minutes from me. We try to get together for dinner and games fairly regularly, but it’s been a while with current busyness levels. My sisters live a little farther away, so I see them less often. We try to do holiday celebrations and random weekend visits together (pandemic permitting). When my in-laws were alive, they lived about 40 minutes away and definitely came to sporting events and school functions and helped with kids in a pinch or for the weekend. My parents each lived 2-ish hours away but we did holidays and weekend visits often.
Our older son, DIL, and grandchildren have always lived several states away. They used to travel this way once or twice a year, but haven’t since early 2021 before their 3rd baby arrived. It’s a weird dynamic to have because we also have a middle school son, work, and have PTO limitations. With the different ages of the kids, doing things together (even logistically, with 8 people) is challenging. We’ve settled on traveling there at least once per year and twice if we can make it work, but we also want to travel and have vacations in places other than where they live. I think 2023 may be different as they figure out logistics and comfort levels to travel as a family of 5 so we can see them more often!
Oh! My brother’s family also lives several states away. We see each at least once a year for sure, and we try to alternate who travels where and sometimes take vacations to the same place to hang out together in a new place.
Okay so I have thoughts about this. First, my mother in law bought our old house about eight (?) years ago, to move to after retirement (she was in Maryland at the time). She is the type of person that likes to be in charge of every situation, and having her visit every quarter or so was stressful because she would kind of take over the house for a week. Now, we see her probably a few times a week just briefly while she drops off library books for the kids etc and we do a big Sunday dinner maybe once a month. (It was weekly before Covid and tbh that was too much because we are casual people and she is not.) She also sees my almost graduated from college stepdaughters regularly for coffee, lunch etc but we aren’t involved in that. This works well for everyone. For reference, she is a ten minute drive away.
Also, twenty years ago I left Canada, where my family lives, and moved first to the Midwest and then to Texas. My mom and sisters live in a remote town in northern Ontario and it takes two full travel days to reach them. Not exaggerating. We make it up there every five years or so because there are seven of us and it takes a tremendous amount of planning and is very expensive, although this past year I went twice (just with my eleven year old daughter) because my dad got very sick (first visit) and then died. (Lest you think my husband is a monster for not coming when he died, my daughter and I were the only two with unexpired passports and he tried to get an emergency one to no avail – ugh Covid AGAIN.) Right before Covid, they bought a winter home around the corner from us in Texas so we would see them daily when they were here but then Covid happened and my dad got much worse, so that whole situation didn’t work out, but it was great for one winter. And then they gifted us the house which is a mixed blessing but that is a story for another time.
Tl;dr – I don’t know how informative that was but there seems to be wide range of what one can expect. I should add that we rarely see my father in law and his wife, who live in Virginia. We haven’t seen them since 2019 and have no idea when the next time will be.
Oh.My.Gosh. I’m so SO excited for you. I could probably write pages about this, but I’ll try to be breif.
I grew up with both sets of grandparents living about 30 mintues away. It was great.
My folks have always lived in the same town as Coach and I. I have 4 siblings – 3 of whom live within a 10-15 minute radius. The other is about an hour and a half away in Milwaukee, but they were on the east coast or stationed in Japan for years. For the last 14 years, we’ve lived walking distance to my folks’ house, like a 3/4 mile walk (cutting thru a golf course on a pedestrian path, so like 3 miles to drive).
When the kids were little, we’d bump into Nana in the grocery store. Prior to the pandemic, we attended the same mass as them and sat across the aisle and chatted with them on our way out of mass. My folks helped out a lot when my kids were really young. They helped out my siblings a lot too. They drove my sister’s kids around after her divorce when my sister was working.
There’s also been some exlusions and ultimately hurt along the way. I pass my folks’ house on my walk. I once walked by when they were hosting my brother’s family for dinner. My family has never been invited there, just us for dinner. My brother has 4 kids, so it isn’t like we were too many people. I learned the hard way that my brother brought his four children over there every Sunday. My mom would make them all lunch while my SIL stayed home and got things done. I was blown away. A weekly invite was never extended to us.
My mom used to stop by when she could drive. Maybe she bought eclairs at the grocery store and she’d drop them off as a treat. If Coach was home from work, she’d skedaddle, never wanting to intrude on our family time. Ultimately it’s been wonderful to have my folks nearby.
My in-laws are in state half of the year, about 45 minutes away. They have always considered this distance to be overwhelmingly far away and won’t come to see the kids’ sports or anything if there is a 10% or greater chance of rain.
I don’t get together with my siblings except for holidays. My sisters do things together and my brothers are VERY tight. I’m the ultimate middle child.
I drop off meals and groceries for my folks now that they’ve slowed down so much. Lately I’ve been picking my folks up to take them to my kids’ sporting events when they are up to going.
I so hope your folks move closer. I think that will be wonderful for both you and Carla.
Suzanne – YOU DID IT!! I knew you would!
I am so excited for you to have your parents close. I think everything will shake out after they settle in and you will find a routine fall into place.
My parents are gone now but I haven’t lived anywhere near either of them in about 24 years. And didn’t go back often – because my family is crazy.
Now, if we are talking about my husband’s family, I would love to live in the same area (but not in Connecticut; it would have to be here in NC – I can barely stand the cold here, I would actually DIE if I had to experience a Connecticut winter) because I don’t believe they are crazy and I love them all dearly. If I could, I’d scoop my mother-in-law up and keep her here with us. Unfortunately, we don’t get up there as often as we should but generally try to get up at least once a year.
Oh goodness, your post made me cry wistful tears.
I don’t have any family nearby. My father lived in Portland, Oregon, and I live in the SF Bay Area. He passed away in 2017. My sisters and step-mom still live there.
My mom lived in Juneau, Alaska, which is even further than Portland. She passed away in 2008. The last time we lived in the same state (2 hours away) was 1993. My brother and sister in law still live in Juneau.
I haven’t seen any of my siblings this year. I saw my step-mom in the spring, she was introducing us to her new boyfriend. Perhaps ‘partner’ is a better term at their age.
I have my in-laws nearby, about 30 minutes. There are times when we see them often, and times when we do not, but it is wonderful to know that we CAN see them if we want to. I would not suggest a completely open door policy. They might walk in on something sometime. (ask me how I know this…)
ENJOY THE HELL OUT OF HAVING THEM NEARBY!!! ALL THE EXCLAMATION POINTS!!!
This sounds AMAZING! I’m especially happy for Carla- she’ll get to spend lots of time with grandparents. We have NO family nearby, and furthermore my kids have no grandparents (due to a series of unfortunate events, combined with the fact that we had our kids later in life.) My kids also have no cousins to speak of (some adult cousins in a different state that they don’t even know.). SIGH! So… family is important. I’ll be interested to hear how it works out for you- but it sounds like it’ll be wonderful.
I’m so darn happy for you! This is going to be so nice for your family and mostly for Carla; she will be making lots of good memories with your parents.
I never had lots of family close by when growing up, so I can’t comment too much on this aside from it will be a positive move.
Woohoo! Crossing my fingers for you that everything works out with your parents’ moving plans, because I live close to my parents and it is such a joy to have them easily involved in my life. My parents live 2-3 minutes away by car, and we see at least one of them nearly daily. My dad (retired) enjoys driving my children to school and doing activities with them after school, like taking them on bike rides or to the park. Sometimes he will show up without giving us any notice, but most of the time he’ll text or call first. My mom and I sometimes go shopping together, and sometimes she’ll take the kids shopping or invite the kids over one at a time to either do crafts or bake with her. They come as a team to babysit and (very) occasionally let the kids spend the night at their house for my husband and I to go out of town. Over the years we’ve developed our own sort of understanding of when to invite them over and when to expect that they’ll be available to get supper last minute and just how much “grandparents privilege” is ok versus feeling supported in parenting choices. As with most things, communication is key! And though I never thought I would live in the city I grew up in as an adult, I currently can’t imagine living anywhere without them nearby.
That sounds very exciting indeed. So fingers crossed. I am sure things will figure themselves out. ‘Just’ communicate with them. It sounds like you have a good relationship.
My grandparents live with us when I was growing up and my other grandma lived about 10 minutes drive away but we saw her almost every week. It felt natural but there were also some tensions. Some of them could have been avoided by simply talking more openly with each other I feel. I love my family but we are not good at openly saying when something bothers us and expect the other person to just know. I am trying my best to be more direct these days but it’s hard sometimes.
I’m so excited for you and it’s really nice to read this post and all the comments now. After I had kids my mom wanted to move closer, but unfortunately we live in another country, 6000 miles away. During Covid, when I had my second kid, she started renting an apartment around the corner from us and would visit for 6 weeks at a time, every 6 weeks. She’s only allowed to stay in the country for 6 months in any 12 month period. It was so helpful to have her here and we spent a lot of time hanging out together. She eventually bought a small flat around the corner from us, and she now visits for 6 weeks at a time regularly.
It’s really nice for a lot of reasons, but it is a bit tricky as well. When she first started visiting we weren’t doing anything (because Covid, and newborn) but now we are doing a lot more in general, we have a pretty active social life and working life. She is happy to watch kids but also I don’t have as many free evenings to spend with her. And I don’t know what the “right” amount of evenings is… she’s not a guest but she doesn’t really live here either. I don’t want her to just be childcare so my husband and I can do fun things.
I got excited when she first started coming and thought I could sign up for kid swim lessons and she could watch the littlest, but then I realized you can’t really sign up for activities 6 weeks at a time. So all this to say, we don’t have a great balance. We see her 3-4 times a week when she’s here but mostly when she’s taking a kid somewhere or babysitting while they’re asleep. I don’t spend as much time with her socially as she wants – but I also don’t want to drop my existing social life for 6 weeks at a time. Every visit we get a new routine so I’m hoping it will be more even-keel eventually! It’s fun to figure out the new routines and I’m sure you’ll figure out your own soon enough – it just takes time. For me, it’s way better than not having family around.
Happy last day of NaBloPo 2022!!!
When my inlaws were alive they did family dinners every week. After they passed the siblings see each other less frequently, but we get together when we can – holidays and birthdays are a given which is a lot of days in a big family.
I see my parents much less frequently just because the relationship is complicated and we need more space. The problem is that we went from less frequent to never during COVID so I’ve been making it a point to get together with them more often. I’m testing out the waters with once every two weeks right now.
I’ve never lived near any family. As a child my grandpa lived a few streets over but he died when I was 7 so that was that. I went away to college at 18 and never went back to my small hometown. I don’t know how I’d handle having relatives around as an adult. It could be great, adding a new dimension to your life. Or it may complicate things. How are your interpersonal communication skills? 😉
I am thrilled for you!! And most likely, seeing you and Carla was a big factor in them moving nearby, so I think they’d be thrilled for you to want to do lots of things with them. 🙂
I lived a 10-15 minute drive from my mom in Illinois until Dave & I moved to Michigan in 2014. It devastated my mother (and I felt terrible about that.) We used to see each other at least once a week, usually more.
Now I am alone in this small town with no family and no close friends nearby. My daughter is in Indiana, a 1-1/2 hour drive. My son is in the heart of Chicago (I will not drive there) and is accessible only by train, which is expensive – all told about $100 for a 3 hour visit, if I go there.
My mom is about 2-1/2 hours away by car. Both of us are too nervous to make the drive, so we rarely see each other – only if someone drives her here. (I have nobody but me to drive me to her house, lol.)
If I could afford to live in DuPage County again, I would move back by my mom in a heartbeat. I live here solely because I can afford it.
My daughter used to come here at least once a month, but that’s been more like every 2-3 months lately. I see my son usually once a year, at Christmas. My mom tries to make it here once or twice a year.
Suzanne, this is so exciting! I am so glad that you’ll have your parents close by, especially since you seem to have a good relationship with them and it will make things so much better for you guys!
I don’t have any advice here because I have an abnormally close relationship with my mom and talk to her multiple times a day and see her at least once a week (but often more). We kinda have an open-door policy, but I always call before coming over at least.
Since this was your last NaBloPoMo post, I wanted to say congratulations for making it through (I had no doubt you would!) and thank you for participating. I’ve enjoyed your posts so much.
Secondly, I want to tell you how very excited I am that your parents are moving closer and that I love how excited you are about it. It sounds like you have a great relationship and it’ll be amazing to have them closer.
As you know, I live very far away from my family (almost 6000 miles) and I have days where I don’t understand how I have been able to do it. I am very close with my parents and sister and miss them terribly and wish I could just pop over to their house more often. So having them within a 30-min driving distance would be a dream come true. I think I’d probably see them almost every weekend.
You made it. Congrats on finishing the NabLoPoMo. It was so fun to get to know you and your blog and I am looking forward to reading along in 2023.
As for your questions about family.
I live in Berlin and so are my parents and one of my sisters.
We don’t see each other on any fixed date but when ever we feel like. If someone needs something. If we are in the neighborhood. Things like that.
And then we see each other for every birthday and holiday (Easter, Christmas, family reunions). My other sister lives 600 km away. She and her husband are pastors so it is tough to see them as they always work on holidays and weekends. But we try to make a trip annually and go for celebrations (school enrollments, birthdays if possible, anniversary party, those kind of things). They also come here at least a week on vacation and we meet up then. My parents go a bit more often as they want to see the grand kids.
My husbands family is living in the Dominican Republic. Ive seen them twice there and once here when they came for our wedding. There are the occasional email or what’s app but other than that not much. It was very irritating for me when we started dating that there are no phone calls or planned visit but they don’t “need it”.
It will be a wonderful experience having your parents close by. You will figure out your boundaries and theirs and all will fall into place.