I am clearly unqualified to give anyone advice about anything

by

Weigh In Wednesday: Take One, Leave One

I find myself in need of advice on little silly things that are nonetheless driving me crazy. In exchange, I thought I’d share a few little tips that have been helping me out lately. 

If you have any hot tips to share, please do so; if you are in need of any advice, ask away. I will chime in if I have something to offer, and I hope your fellow readers will do so as well. 

Tiny Tips That Are Making Life Better

  • Low-Effort Houseplant Watering: I love houseplants – looking at them, owning them, watching for new growth or flowers. And I am also terrible about keeping on top of their watering needs. After several died or nearly died, I finally broke down and bought a pack of plastic watering bulbs so that I could put one in every single plant I own. It’s not foolproof – they do need to be refilled every week or so, depending on the plant. But it is making my plants SO MUCH HAPPIER and my days are no longer punctuated by random stabs of guilt when I realize it’s been several weeks since I last watered my plants.
  • Morning Time (and Madness) Saver: Mornings have always been tough in my household. They continue to be tough, especially since we have added Primping to our daily routine. And also, school starts earlier this year than it ever has before so we need to be out the door fifteen minutes sooner than we did last year. One thing that has made getting out the door slightly better is to keep a hairbrush, hair ties, and a small makeup kit in my car. That way, Carla can do her hair and makeup while I am driving her to school. Secondary tip: One common frustration around here is that no one can ever find a hairbrush when she needs it. I bought a bunch of small hairbrushes so that Carla can keep one in her backpack, one in her sports bag, and one in her locker.

  • Easy Sheet Pan Meal Clean Up: I love sheet pan dinners, and I love using a barrier between the food and my cookie sheets so I don’t have to deep clean the cookie sheets every night. (They don’t fit in the dishwasher.) I own reusable silicone sheets, and use them for certain things, but they are too difficult to clean for me to use them every time I make a sheet pan meal. For the longest time, I’ve been using aluminum foil. But I am continually frustrated by food sticking to the damn foil. I tried parchment paper, but found it super annoying because it’s so insubstantial it doesn’t stay in place and it’s difficult to crease. I’d seen tips before for putting a little sprinkle of water or cooking spray on the cookie sheet to hold the parchment in place, but it doesn’t always work and/or it requires me to wash the cookie sheet, which I was trying to avoid by using parchment in the first place. Then I saw someone on Instagram crumple up the sheet of parchment paper before smoothing it out onto the cookie sheet. GAME CHANGER. 
  • Connection Points When Talking Is Hard: The credit for this genius idea belongs with my friend G. She told me that she and her daughter have a special notebook in which they write each other secret notes. “Secret” in that no one else can read their exchanges. I have tried this technique with Carla, who can be quite reticent about sharing her feelings and talking about her worries. It works so well. She is willing to share all sorts of things in writing that she refuses to discuss out loud. Because of this silly little journal we pass back and forth, I feel much more connected to her and what’s going on in her inner world. It’s not even something we write in regularly. Sometimes we’ll go back and forth for a few days, sometimes the journal will sit untouched for months. But so far it’s been the perfect bridge when I sense she’s something is troubling her but she’s reluctant, for whatever reason, to share it, or just when we haven’t had a chance to chat in a while. Oh look – there’s a whole line of journals specific to this purpose. We just use one of the many old journals I have lying around.
  • Instant Mood Improver: Get a cat. Please note: mood improvement requires close proximity to cat and may disappear once cat is out of sight, which could be quite often, depending on the cat. 

Please Advise: Here’s Where You Tell Me What To Do

  • Do you have any tips for making it simpler to put laundry away? Especially if those tips apply to getting other people in your household to put laundry away? Our current “system” involves me doing laundry, folding or sorting Carla’s clothing, and then asking Carla to put it away. Which results in Carla using my bedroom as a dressing room, because that’s where I fold the laundry. I have started putting the clean/folded laundry in a basket and putting that basket in my bedroom on the landing outside Carla’s room in Carla’s room, but still – the basket remains there, full of clean clothing, growing less folded by the day, until I Make A Fuss. And honestly, the Making A Fuss only results in the laundry ending up on the floor, which makes me incandescent. I have not opened the door to Carla’s closet lately, and do not want to, lest my head implode like a firecracker. I am willing to do Drastic Things. Should I get rid of 75% of her clothing? (I did ask her to go through her wardrobe this summer and remove everything she doesn’t or won’t wear.) Should I buy her another dresser?  The child has AMPLE storage, seriously, so much storage, but what we are doing is clearly not working for her and she doesn’t have any ideas (besides I like having all my clothing in a laundry basket / on my floor) for how to make the situation more user friendly for herself. The only thing I am unwilling to do is put her laundry away myself. She’s twelve. She can put her own laundry away. Oh, okay – there is another thing I am unwilling to do: ignore the mess. I have tried that tack and it is not workable for me or for our family. 
  • What are your favorite low-effort houseplants? Especially if they require low light? As I mentioned above, I LOVE plants and would love more. But a) our house has very little direct light and b) the cat will seriously eat any plant, or at least give it a little taste test, so any plants I buy need to be non-toxic. I have moved all the currently toxic plants I own to out-of-cat-reach spaces, but they aren’t necessarily low-light plants and they aren’t doing very well. For instance, the Christmas cactus and the kalanchoe I owned pre-cat have been relocated to the top of my bookshelves, and they are no longer dying of thirst but they are clearly not loving their lighting conditions. I have also purchased a few plants that require “bright, indirect light,” and even those seem a little light-starved. I think I need plants that thrive in less light. But not no light. All the plants have access to natural light. Just not bright light.

  • How do you keep your fingernails tidy? Okay, confession time: I am a nail picker. I will pick at my nails and the skin around my nails, sometimes until my fingers bleed. I think I developed this gruesome habit as an alternative to nail biting (although I still do that at times, too, ugh ugh ugh), and I am ready to stop. But… I don’t know HOW. It’s a nervous habit, for sure, and I don’t think you can help me get over my social anxiety. But part of the reason it’s such an addictive habit is that my cuticles (is that the right term for the skin on the sides of my nails???) are often dry or peeling or otherwise pick-able. Right now, my pinky finger is all painful and inflamed because of this habit and I Don’t Like It. My questions for you are: a) If you or someone you know has gotten over this gross habit, HOW? And/or b) Is there something I should be doing to enhance my overall nail skin / fingernail / cuticle health? I do tend towards dry skin, and use Working Hands cream like it’s my job. But I get overwhelmed by the abundance of cuticle oils and creams and have no idea which ones WORK. Or if buying a “cuticle remover kit” would do anything at all to help me.

I do not want to end this post on weird giant photos of my fingernails, so here’s where I turn things over to you. What hot tips do you have to share today? Or, at least, the little things that are making your day-to-day easier/better/more enjoyable? And in which areas are you in need of advice?

by

In Need of Advice

One of the things I love about blogging – and this blogging community specifically – is that we are all roughly Going Through It at the same time. I feel very comfortable sharing the ups and downs of life, because it seems like you are going through similar ups and downs. Or have recently done so, or are in a stage I recognize quite well from being In It myself fairly recently.  The commiseration is so bolstering, and I find the helpful hints and advice that your share in posts and comment sections to be invaluable. 

Sometimes I need specific and mundane advice, like “what’s the best mascara,” and other times what I really need is more of Life Coach Guidance. Lately, I have some questions of both varieties that keep going round and round in my head with no resolution, and I am hoping that you might have some helpful hints or advice to share. Anything and everything would be useful.

Girls’ Weekend: I find myself in charge of a dear person’s Major Birthday celebration, or at least in charge of Getting The Ball Rolling (what I am hoping to do is come up with two or three really good ideas that I can then share with the birthday girl, and she can – hopefully! – choose one option.).  But I feel COMPLETELY OUT OF MY DEPTH. Yes, the all caps are necessary. You, however, are much more social and well organized than I am, so I am turning to you for help. WHAT CAN I DO for a low-key, not exorbitantly expensive girls’ weekend? 

The birthday girl is not particularly picky, which is good… but also, it would be nice to have more specific guidance… OH WELL, we do not have more specific guidance, or any guidance at all outside of the request that the four invitees “spend time together.” And also, children are not invited. 

Here are some things that are important but add to the challenge: The birthday girl does not drink. She does not really eat. She is not particularly outdoorsy. These things are helpful for ruling options out. My initial thought was spa weekend! That sounds lovely and doesn’t have to involve alcohol or lavish meals or hiking/biking/skiing/swimming. But I did some research into spas and/or hotels with spas and they are SO EXPENSIVE. I don’t even know what the budget should be, but it should not be LUXURY WEEKEND level, you know? For example, one hotel-with-spa I looked at was $788 per room per night. This is not even taking airfare into account, or the cost of spa treatments; this is lodging alone. AND THAT WAS ON THE LOW END OF MY RESEARCH. Oh: that’s the other thing. I would want us to all have separate rooms. I mean, I suppose some combination of the others might want to stay in a room together, but I require my own room. This could be four bedrooms in a rented house (although my husband says he no longer trusts Air BnB for reasons that are not entirely clear? Do you still trust Air BnB?) or it could be four rooms in a hotel. For ease of travel, the celebration probably should be near Chicago or New York City, which are relatively easy for each of us to get to via plane. (Are there awesome girls’ weekend options in Madison? Minneapolis?)

Do you have any ideas? Any ideas at all???? Literally the only idea I’ve had, aside from “spa weekend,” is “go to NYC and see a play.” But even THAT makes me hyperventilate because… Which play? Where would we stay? Where would we eat? What else would we do besides see a play? I honestly hate New York City. BUT. The birthday girl does not, and this is about her, not about me so maybe that will be one option to present her. Which still leaves me in need of at least one other option.

What would you want to do for a girls’ weekend? Have you been on any girls’ weekends or family trips or couple’s getaways or work events that were especially fun? Why do I keep thinking about axe throwing? I do not want to throw weaponry!

I have never been to a spa party. It sounds fancy and fun. Photo by Pixabay on Pexels.com

Protein Powder: Is there a protein powder that doesn’t taste like… anything? I really want a protein powder that has NO TASTE. I had a long conversation with a chatty nutrition expert in the supplements aisle of my grocery store the other day, and she recommended I try Epic Protein by Sprout Living. Mainly, I think, because I told her I wanted to try a sample before I spent $20+ on a giant tub of protein powder and the options were sort of limited. I got the chocolate maca flavor and also the vanilla flavor. It took me a long time to try either of them, and I have only finally tried the chocolate one. I blended it up with some coffee, ice cubes, vanilla extract, and skim milk and then threw in a tablespoon of mini chocolate chips for good measure, and it was… drinkable. Not good; I would not describe it as good. It was far, far less disgusting than the only other protein powder I’ve tried. It was a Garden of Life vanilla powder and I mixed half of a sample packet into a homemade Orange Julius (almond milk, orange juice, vanilla extract, ice) and it was so horrific that I had to pour it out without finishing it. The chatty nutrition expert said that all protein powders taste like something, but… really? 

You know this is a stock image because I would never put peanut butter in my smoothie. Nor would I… sprinkle oats??? all over the counter. (Photo by Leah Rolando on Pexels.com)

Annual Birthday Planning Angst: Speaking of birthdays, which I was awhile ago, Carla’s birthday is coming up and it is once again time for me to stress endlessly about her party. It always works out and yet I have so much anxiety around every aspect of her party each year. This year, Carla has Very Specific Ideas, which, as you might recall from several paragraphs ago, I was begging for. In this case, they are perhaps a bit TOO specific. She would like a wolf theme. She would like a three-layer cake; the middle layer should be chocolate, the other layers should be white; there should be raspberry something between the layers; the frosting should be GREY. Deep breaths. I cannot picture a grey cake, which sounds the opposite of appetizing, so I will do some googling after this. But the cake is honestly the LEAST of my concerns.

For her party, Carla would like to do a nature walk and then go to a park somewhere. Okay, so the reaction to that is probably, “Aww! That’s so cute! That sounds lovely and low-key!” And it is, it is lovely and low-key. She is such a nature lover and that makes me so happy and obviously I want her to have the party she wants. And yet… HOW am I going to pull this off?

Here are my concerns: 

1. My child is turning ten, and presumably will invite other ten-year-olds. Won’t they find a nature walk kind of boring???? Part of me says, it doesn’t MATTER what the other kids think, as long as Carla likes it. And this is partially true. It’s Carla’s party; it should be the party she wants. But also, we are inviting friends to join us, and I think that creates an obligation to entertain said friends. And also also, if her friends are bored, isn’t that going to make her feel bad? These kids are 100% at the age where one of them might announce, loudly, with an eyeroll: “This is the most boring party ever.” That would crush Carla! 

2. HOW am I going to arrange a nature walk? I don’t know about nature! Carla cheerily suggested that we bring her iPad and load up Merlin Bird ID so we can all see which birds are around, which is pretty much the most adorable thing I’ve ever heard, but deeply impractical when you are talking about hosting multiple ten-year-old children. We are fortunate to live near some beautiful nature preserves, but the parties they offer seem more specific (about bugs or about fairies, in one case) and also geared toward younger children. One local science center offers a bird-themed birthday, which could be okay… although part of the entertainment is dissecting an owl pellet. This is 100% in Carla’s wheelhouse, but once again I wonder: will her guests enjoy that? Even if they aren’t squeamish, they already dissected an owl pellet in school, so it won’t be new or exciting. A friend suggested geocaching, but I know NOTHING ABOUT THAT. Is “geocaching party leader” a job? Can you hire people to do that? 

3. We cannot do a nature walk and then go to a park. Just being adjacent to thinking about transportation logistics – not even actually thinking about it! – makes me dizzy. 

4. How do you wrangle/keep track of 10-15 ten-year-olds during a nature walk? Wouldn’t we need extra adults to help? A friend very kindly offered her services, but… can I do that to her? I could probably hire a couple of babysitters to join us, but then we have two extra people to fit into the planning. Are there… nature walk games that we can play? What would those be?

5. WHAT IS A WOLF THEME? What does that mean? Is that even a thing?! I have not googled yet, and I suppose that might help allay some of that particular worry, but… WOLF THEME?!?!?!?!?!

I am not sure I have mentioned it here, but I have a weird phobia of wolves. This photo gives me the newbie jeebies. (Photo by Pixabay on Pexels.com)

Housewarming: If all continues to progress as needed, my parents will be moving nearby this summer. It is SO exciting. I would love to get them a housewarming present, but… what? They aren’t big on stuff, although they will need to buy all of the normal day-to-day items necessary for living in a house. For various reasons, things I normally think of as “standard housewarming” fare, like wine or candles, are off the table. I could splurge on some really fancy Champagne; they would probably like that. Maybe a big pile of books about local drives or local hikes? A welcome mat? New towels? (But how do you buy someone towels without knowing their color scheme?) When we moved into our house a million years ago, I would have loved a gift certificate to Home Depot or the like. But it feels a little weird to buy a gift card for one’s parents. I suppose “feels a little weird” isn’t a reason not to do it. But maybe there is a better idea? 

Is a welcome mat too personal an item to give as a gift? (Photo by Andrew Neel on Pexels.com)

So Many Gifts: Thinking about a housewarming gift reminds me that this is the time of year when I need to think of So! Many! Gifts! My niece’s birthday is coming up; she will be seven and likes Pokemon and STEM activities. Our Girl Scout troop leader is retiring; we need something for her, but I don’t know what says “thank you for expending a truly heroic amount of time and energy on my child over the past five years.” Probably we will contribute money to teacher gifts, and then maybe do gift cards for Carla’s activities coaches? And then Carla will be TEN, which feels like an opportunity to get her Something Special… but I’m not sure what that would be; she is very spoiled. (We are not getting her a phone.) Plus, Mother’s Day and Father’s Day are coming up, and I am just… idealess on that front. Lots of gift giving opportunities and my brain is refusing to come up with anything reasonable for any of them. Have you given or received any really spectacular gifts recently?

Oh geez this photo reminds me that not only do I need to BUY the gifts, I have to WRAP them, too. (Photo by Pixabay on Pexels.com)

Good Socks. All of my socks are terrible. I think I have only recently noticed this because I now wear shoes in the house every moment that I am not sleeping or showering. Every day, I wear a pair of ankle-height athletic socks. It seems like every pair either has holes in them or they slide down the back of my heel while I am doing normal things like walking. I tend to buy those big packages of Puma socks and the like from Costco, and maybe the solution is “spend more money on socks.” Is that what I need to do? What socks are worth spending money on? I do have two pairs of compression socks that I rather like. But I can’t find either pair for some reason right now. They are hiding. I would love to do a massive sock purge and replace all the crummy socks with new, super awesome ones. Do you have socks you feel particularly evangelical about?

These are not at all the kind of socks I am looking for, but they seem so cozy. (Photo by Lum3n on Pexels.com)

Okay, I think that’s it. I am both less stressed than I come across in writing, and more stressed than probably is reasonable, and I would LOVE your advice. Even if it’s just a CORNER of advice, like, “I have no idea where you should go for your girls’ weekend, but I just went axe-throwing over the weekend and it was so fun!” Or “Three years ago, I bought my dad THIS and he’s loved it ever since.”

And if YOU need advice, please, ask away. Perhaps one of the wonderful members of this community will have JUST the suggestion you need. 

by

Seeking Answers

O, Google. How mysterious are your algorithms. How perplexing are your search results.

Sometimes people wind up here after searching for some… interesting things. Sometimes, I can pinpoint exactly why they ended up here. Other times… not so much. In any event, lest these hopeful web users arrive here only to be deeply disappointed (especially when it comes to the actual “doctor’s wife” stuff, which I don’t really focus on that much anymore.), I am going to try to address some of the questions they raise.

 

How to dress like a doctor wife/how should a doctor wife dress

This is one of the most common searches that leads people here. And only the gods of Google understand why that is, considering that I am no Snappy Dresser. Right now, I am wearing a Sports Team T-shirt and some skinny jeans, no socks. I might throw on a sweater if I get cold. When I pick up Carla from school, I will slip on my new sneakers.

In my previous work-from-home life, I wore mainly pajamas. But now that I have to see real live people twice a day, I try to shower and wear actual clothing. Sometimes I do throw on my workout clothes for drop off, but whatever; athleisure is IN.

I don’t think there’s any specific way to dress like a doctor’s wife. You should dress the way you feel comfortable. I mean, if you’re going to a work function with your spouse, maybe you’d dress up a little? I have gone to exactly two (2) work functions with my husband, both holiday parties, so I don’t have a whole lot of experience on that front.

 

Joanne pronunciation/Joan pronunciation/Joan + pronunciation/pronunciation of name Joan/how to pronounce Joan/Joanne meaning with pronunciation/how to pronounce joan vs john/is it joan or joanne?/how to pronounce joanne in english

The number of people trying to figure out the difference between “Joanne” and “Joan” is truly staggering. And it makes me feel a little guilty for being so hard on them in this post on the topic. Apparently it is trickier than I originally imagined. (Although I maintain that if you are taking someone’s name – on the phone or at a coffee shop – and you write down the name that you heard, you should be able to pronounce it again later. If I say “Joanne” and you think that’s spelled “Joan,” you should still pronounce it like “Joanne.”)

Anyway, the answer is:

Joanne is pronounced like joe-ANN. Rhymes with “so TAN.”

Joan is pronounced like JONE. Rhymes with “bone” and “tone” and “cone.”

These are not actual phonetic renderings, partly because I don’t know how to do that and partly because I think the “Joan” one would confuse those looking for a differentiation between “Joan” and “John.” 

  

How to be a doctor’s wife/ How to have doctor wife ? / Marrying a doctor wife

Marry a doctor (or someone training to be a doctor). It’s that simple.

Also, maybe ask yourself before you jump into this WHY you are doing it. If it’s for the big bucks, maybe think again.

 

My husband feels like I am condescending/condescending wife/husband is condescending

Soooooo, I am not exactly qualified to give advice about this — outside of this one specific example. But I would say, talk to your spouse. In the moment, if you can be calm. Or later, when you’re not feeling angry and both of you are able to pay attention. Tell them, “When you say X, I feel like you’re being condescending. That makes me feel bad/angry/annoyed/like I have to be super careful about how I talk/act.”

If your spouse tells you s/he feels like you are condescending, listen. Ask questions. “When do you feel that way? Can you give me a specific example?” Also, maybe try apologizing? Something like, “I’m so sorry you felt that way. I didn’t intend to be condescending. I will work on my tone/how I phrase things in the future.” Or, if there’s something that frequently makes you respond to your spouse in a way s/he finds condescending, think about why you react that way. Is there something you can change about your response? Is there something you can ask your spouse to change?

If talking isn’t working, consider couples therapy.

Whatever you do, keep in mind that mutual respect is really, really important to a healthy marriage.

 

I just had a bag of popcorn and it may have been rancid 

That sounds dreadful. The only remedy is copious amounts of Easter candy.

 

My big fat ass/ my big fat ass doctor

Congratulations on your/your physician’s juicy booty.

 

I accidentally used my brother’s toothbrush/ accidentally shared toothbrush/how gross is it to use someone elses toothbrush

My post about a traumatic childhood incident is surely to blame for all these searchers being directed here.

You have my deepest sympathies. All the things I’d WANT to do (bleach! fire! decapitation!) seem more likely to result in death than remediation, so I’d advise against them. You will probably survive. But the trauma may linger, perhaps for decades.

 

 

Okay, Internet. Any questions you need me to answer?