Follow Up Friday

Some people in the blogging community are really good at remembering to follow up on things. I am not one of those people. It feels like I owe you (or Future Me, I suppose?) a few updates and I am in the mood to try to recall some of the many (many) things I have brought up/fretted about/whined about in this space and never mentioned again.

  • Brief Doctor Follow Up: Since my post, I have had two appointments with my new PCP and one appointment with my OB/GYN and two rounds of bloodwork. A.) I took everyone’s advice and brought a very short and tidy list with me to my appointment last month. B.) Despite The List, I suck a being a patient and an adequate advocate for myself. C.) All my bloodwork shows I am normal and healthy, which is fantastic. D.) It seems like the reason I am tired all the time boils down to “being a human” and the treatment is “suck it up.” (This is my interpretation, not my doctor’s actual words or demeanor.) My doctor did refer me to get a sleep study (scheduled for a few months out) so we’ll see if that shows anything, but I’m not holding my breath. (That was a sleep apnea pun.) (Sleep apnea is not funny.)  
image from Reader’s Digest
  • Brief Gift Follow Up: You were so encouraging about my gift idea for my friend’s big birthday, I decided to rail against my tendency to continue fretting until it’s too late to do anything about it… and order the painting I had in mind. First, I asked my mom if she would be interested in painting the landscape for my friend (she is a very talented painter) and she declined, which I was sort of expecting. But I found an artist who hand-paints lovely landscapes (apparently lots of other people produce digital artworks, so the hand painting is clearly stated on her Etsy profile), sent her my reference photos, and the gift is ORDERED.
  • Brief Cat Follow Up: I spoke to the cat breeder I met two years ago at a cat show and she is going to put us on the list for the next litter.
Actual kitten not pictured.
  • Brief To-Do List Follow Up: I have scheduled my mammogram and sleep study. I have scheduled and attended an appointment with our accountant. A car service appointment is on the books. Yesterday morning, I made a phone call I have been dreading making since mid-December and instead of going the way I thought it would, it went just fine. I sent a boring email that was stressing me out. I finished reviewing a manual I am editing. Today, I need to make a new phone call, but I am going to do it today instead of four months from now.
  • Brief Poinsettia / Vacuum Follow Up: My monstrous poinsettia continues to flourish and continues to drip leaves all over my living room floor. Rocky continues to uncomplainingly do the work of one reluctant eleven-year-old and one irritated middle-aged woman and I continue to love him/it with my whole being. (I will say goodbye to the poinsettia before the kitten joins my household.)
Temporarily relocated for watering purposes.
  • Brief Gallery Wall Follow Up: There is still no gallery on the wall.

That’s all that comes to mind at the moment. Is there anything you’re waiting on tenterhooks to hear about? Do you have any updates for ME?

Avoidance and Diversions

It’s February, which means it’s practically March, which means SPRING is around the corner! I can just about taste it in the air. The sun is up when I take Carla to school, it’s still up when I bring her home. Birds are everywhere chattering about their spring plans. The snow is melting and I think we have a few upcoming days in the 40s. I still hope we get more snow because I love snow, but I do like this little sneak peek of things to come. 

Every time I open my news app, there’s something newly horrible and I just can’t tell anymore HOW horrible things are or are not, nor if there’s anything at all I can do about anything, so I have been doing a lot of Avoidance and Diversion. Is this healthy or helpful? No. But is it keeping my mental state fairly steady? I think so? For now? 

If you need some avoidance and/or diversion, welcome to my blog where I will only talk about the superficial and the trivial. In that vein, here are a few random bullets.

  • Summer Fret: Why, yes, I am already panicking about summer. In years past, I would have been panicking about summer camp (and probably would have already signed Carla up because summer camp is whack), but this year I am panicking about no summer camp. Carla just isn’t interested in camp this year, and that’s fine. I asked her what she wants to do and she said, Play with my friends, play with dogs, and swim. That does sound like an excellent summer. HOWEVER… I am not confident in my ability to execute such a relaxed summer without feeling like I am unable to get my own stuff done, or without devolving into excessive screen time. A schedule is my friend, I think, and I need to create said schedule WELL in advance, possibly with Carla’s input. Something like… one or two days a week where we volunteer at the local animal shelter. One Special Outing each week. One Friend Event each week. And then… fill in the rest of the days with a combo of Keeping Abreast of Our Studies (maybe I could ask her to devote an hour a day to math worksheets and another 30 minutes a day to reading?) (I originally had “an hour a day to reading” which seems reasonable and wonderful to me, but… I don’t know) and Pool/Outdoor Time? There might also be a couple of weeklong camps that she could attend for a few hours a day, but those don’t usually pop up until later in the year and I don’t know if I am chill enough to just slap them in at the last minute. We would also like to go visit my parents in their summer home. My dad is always asking us to come for a whole month – maybe this is the year to do it? Or at least two weeks? My husband won’t be able to join us so I think I/we would miss him too much if we were gone too long. Maybe I could try to make it a Screen Free Summer, except for like… a movie on Fridays or something scheduled. I would love that, and I know Carla would too even if she thinks she wouldn’t. What are you doing for summer? Or are we all just hoping to MAKE IT to summer, which seems like a valid consideration? 
  • CBBC: Have you joined Engie’s latest iteration of the Cool Bloggers Book Club? She’s leading a reading of Lucy Maud Montgomery’s The Blue Castle. I am having serious FOMO because I am not doing it this month. But I am planning on reading all the summaries and commentary. I confessed this to Nicole recently, but I don’t think I’ve ever read ANYTHING by Lucy Maud Montgomery. (Even though I own the entire Anne of Green Gables box set.) Am I fired??? No – that’s not the right perspective. Just think of all those wonderful books out there that I have yet to read. Yes. That makes me feel like less of a loser. 
  • Gift Fret: One of my dear friends is having a milestone birthday this year. (If you know me in The Offline World, this is your cue to STOP READING because I am going to discuss your gift in great detail.) (Although I suppose this could be your chance to object to said gift idea? And save us both the awkwardness of a gift that you might not appreciate? It’s up to you, boo.) Anyway, as per my usual mode, I have been thinking about and fretting about this gift for well over a year. WELL OVER A YEAR. One thing that is preventing me from finding The Perfect Gift is that this friend doesn’t particularly enjoy A Fuss being made over her birthday. She does, however, give gifts, so I feel like it’s one of her love languages. We have known each other for more than half a decade now, which boggles my mind, and I consider her one of my closest friends. Not sure if she feels the same, because she is more extroverted than I do, and I have found that extroverts tend to have way more friends than I do, and therefore (?) categorize them differently. But that’s a different matter. I just wanted to give you a little context. Also, my gift idea is something I would usually advise against – I want to get her a piece of art. In fact, I want to commission a piece of art: nothing crazy expensive (I hope; it seems like Etsy has some options in my price range, which I am thinking is roughly the $200-ish range), but something meaningful both to her and to our friendship. The art would be based on a photo, if that makes a difference. And I think I would see if I could get a smallish piece of art – like an 8 x 10 size – so she could put it on a dresser in the guest room if she doesn’t like it enough to hang it up. Why am I LIKE THIS, I overthink gifts so much and I am afraid I am going to overthink myself right into not doing anything at all and then feeling shitty for not commemorating a really special occasion for someone I care deeply for. I think this friend – even if she doesn’t like the artwork itself – will be very touched by the idea, and it feels very personal to her, and so I really, really think this is a good idea. It’s certainly my only idea. ANYWAY, I don’t know why I am telling you all this because I am sort of afraid you will discourage me from doing it and then I will cry because I have no alternatives. I guess I am wondering if you have ever had a piece of art commissioned and if so what that process was like/what the pricing was like, and maybe if you know anyone who does really nice but not horrifically expensive landscapes-based-on-photos. My VERY OWN MOTHER paints landscapes based on photos, so I kind of want to float this idea past her, but also that feels like a lot of pressure to put on one’s mother. GIFT GIVING IS TERRIFYING AND I HATE IT.
  • Valentine’s Shopping: I have been channeling my fretting about various things and my news-scrolling energy to shopping for things I do not need. Mainly these things are Valentine’s Day related. I made the delicious mistake of buying a bag of Sour Patch Kids hearts, which I now love with all my being. Carla probably needs a bag of her own for Valentine’s Day (I am not sharing). Maybe she would prefer Nerds Gummy Clusters. Or a bag of lip lollipops she can share with her friends. Carla has recently started reading The Black Stallion  (and in fact stayed up until 3:30 am on a school night reading it and was then miserable the next day; that is a lesson she has to learn for herself, alas), so I want to get her the next book (or two) in the series. Perhaps I will also get her A Good Girl’s Guide to Murder, which, while not being The Book, is very hot right now among her friends. I am also wondering if she might like a book about being A Teen, since she insists on moving ever closer to being a teen herself. I like this one about general teenagery  and this one about etiquette. I am also saving all sorts of adorable heartearrings to my Etsy favorites list, although Carla does already have a couple of pairs.  I may get my husband the super romantic gift of O’Keefe’s Working Hands hand cream because he likes it better than the paste-style cream that comes in a tub. Oooh, do either of us (me or Carla, not me or my husband) need a sweater with hearts on it? I feel like a heart sweater could be appropriate on other non-Valentine’s-Day days, yes? What about some adorable heart pajamas? I don’t even really celebrate Valentine’s day, I don’t know why I am getting all in a froth about it this year. I don’t even think I have the energy to make Valentine’s cookies like I did last year. My husband and I don’t get gifts for one another, I don’t decorate. Maybe I get excited because Carla is excited, and each year she is excited in a new way. This year, she and all the girls in her class are doing a Valentine’s gift exchange and she and another friend are being one another’s Galentine’s, so they got each other a small gift of candy. I guess I like to lean into whatever Carla’s latest enthusiasm is, even if it does result in excess sugar in our house and some heart-infused junk we didn’t need. 
  • To Dos I Am Not Doing: My to-do list is once again out of control. It’s got the normal stuff – grocery shopping, laundry, home improvement projects that keep getting pushed, refilling prescriptions – but it’s also packed with scheduling things I don’t want to do, like medical appointments (my annual mammogram – don’t be like me! schedule yours now!) and car service appointments and meetings with our accountant. I also have yet to follow up on something I should have followed up on EONS ago and it feels kind of too late, but also I don’t want to let it go. Anyway. Maybe today’s the day I will cross something off that list. Do you have any onerous tasks that keep getting kicked down the road?

I intended to write more bullets than these, but these are QUITE long as they are, and I need to get to work. I hope you are hanging in there. 

To-Do List Follow Up and Then Let’s Completely Ignore Dinners This Week and Talk About Laundry Instead

I know you are buzzing with the anxiety of knowing whether I completed my to-do list on Friday. Let me put you (temporarily) out of your misery: No, I did not. 

But! I did accomplish parts of it. 

  • I made the phone call and hopefully our late fee/credit card charge have been eliminated and we have not overpaid for a month of this utility service. Time will tell. (Just a note: it took me a good ten minutes to even find the phone number I needed to call; it is not online anywhere, I don’t think, and I had to search through bills in my email. Then I got an automated message that the wait time exceeded twenty minutes, so they could call me back, and I chose that option. Only to look perplexedly at my phone 45 minutes later to find that I HAD missed a call, but my phone chose to silence it as it had determined the call was probably spam. I did get through to a live human on my next call though, so all is well that ends well.)
  • While I posted photos of my supposedly daily walks, I did not go for a walk Friday or do any sort of exercise. (Wait a second. We did wander around a farmer’s market for awhile. And then Carla and I did go swimming Friday – the last swim of the season – and I did twelve laps of various poorly executed strokes. My watch said I burned 30 calories LOL.) Sigh. I did go for two delightful walks on Saturday though – a walk with a friend in the beautiful autumn woods, and then a flashlit walk with Carla and the puppy she was dog-sitting. Sunday, again no walk at all – WHY is it so challenging to get outside or on the treadmill for TEN MEASLY MINUTES? – but at least I did a strength training workout. Also, for the record, I am walking on the treadmill as I type this post. 
  • Did I find a new eye doctor? No I did not. My eye doctor efforts included a) whining about eye doctors to my friend during our Saturday walk and b) whining about eye doctors to my parents on Sunday. My husband, who was on hand for the second bout of whining, did some research into potential eye doctors. He discovered that perhaps I have been unable to get in to see MY eye doctor because he may no longer work for our hospital system and discovered that one of the only eye doctors accepting new patients is an eye doctor I saw a dozen years ago and decided against seeing again.
  • I folded the clean laundry in the photo I posted Friday, plus a surprise load of clean laundry I’d left and completely forgotten about in the dryer, plus a load of darks. And I did manage to WASH three additional loads of laundry – four, if you count the reds that are in the washing machine as I type. One of those loads is now occupying the clean laundry basket so recently emptied; another is on my bed as fresh, clean bed linens; a third is in the dryer. There is still a load of mainly-black clothing on the floor of my bathroom but it will at least migrate to the washer today. 
  • Finally, an unadulterated success: I DID make dinner Friday. I found a new recipe for barbecue pork, made it, and my husband liked it much better than he likes our old recipe. I like it fine, although it’s a little too vinegary. But that’s nothing a big slosh of barbecue sauce and sriracha won’t fix. Saturday I did not make dinner; I went out to lunch with my friend after our walk and it was amazing and there’s no way anything could top it, so my husband ate leftovers for dinner and I finished off the last of the previous weekend’s chili (do not tell your husband, Engie; although I did survive, so the gamble paid off). My parents made dinner Sunday and I’m really enjoying this not-making-dinner kick so let’s see how it goes. 

Anyway, since so much of my weekend has been occupied by laundry, I am in the mood to talk about laundry. (This is the part where your misery amps back up.)

I am 99% sure that others in our blogging community have discussed this topic before, but blog topics, like laundry, are not meant to be addressed once and then never again. As I was dutifully whining and complaining about doing laundry, I was noticing some of the things I do and wondering how YOU do them in your house. 

Collecting the Dirty Laundry:

We have three laundry hampers in our house. Carla has one in her closet, my husband and I have one in our closet for white clothing, and another one in our bathroom (a mere five feet from the closet hamper; it makes sense, I promise) for colors. When it’s time for laundry doing, which I probably do once a week unless I have a burst of There Is a Better Way to Do This Task, I sort the laundry into piles on my bathroom floor. Then I enlist Carla to sort her own clothing and add her piles to my piles. 

Sorting:

The piles I sort laundry into are roughly: whites, white towels, towels (and swimsuits), darks, lights, blacks and reds, delicates, rags. Carla and my husband sometimes struggle with what belongs in the darks pile vs the lights pile, which indicates that I may be overly rigid in my definitions. Especially because it 100% doesn’t matter in any way; I think I could probably get away with washing even the reds and the whites together and they would be fine. Really the only reason I divide things into piles at all is because they have to be divided somehow – there is too much laundry to fit into one wash cycle – and it would offend my aesthetic sensibilities if they were all jumbled together helter-skelter.

The lights pile includes things like pale blues, light greys, light greens, yellows, khakis, light wash denim. The darks pile includes dark wash denim, navy, dark blues/greys/greens. The color my family wears by far the most often – and by “my family” I mainly mean me, but Carla does contribute a lot of pinks – is black, closely followed by things in the red family, which includes purple, burgundy, and orange. I wear black leggings nearly every day and a lot of my sleepwear (different leggings) is black as well. If, as I did this laundry cycle, I wait so long that we have enormous quantities of black and red clothing, I will separate them into two piles. Wow, this is boring, and yet I persist. 

Getting the Piles into and out of the Laundry Room:

Usually I wait to sort laundry into piles until I have a good wave of laundry energy. But sometimes I will sort and then allow the piles to remain in our bathroom as some sort of avant-garde commentary on consumerism and laziness. I take each pile into the laundry room separately, loading the entire pile precariously into my arms. Do we have a (separate, dirty-clothes-only) laundry basket for just this purpose? Yes. Are the laundry hampers themselves on wheels? Yes, they are. Do I persist in hugging a giant pile of smelly laundry to my chest all the way to the washer, dripping socks and underwear whilst in danger of tripping over dangling sweater arms? Yes, yes I do. I am better about using the (clean clothing only) laundry basket to transport clean things from the laundry room to the folding space. But there is NO WAY to easily get the clean clothes into the laundry basket. Our dryer is stacked on top of our washer and I inevitably drop socks or underpants on the floor. And the laundry room is also our mud room, so this is probably not great, Bob, but I tend to look the other way. 

Responsibility:

Probably 90% of the time, I’m the one doing the laundry. I sort it, get it into the washer, less frequently get it into the dryer, then haul it into my bedroom for “folding.” I say “folding” because I only fold some of the clothing. I do not fold my or Carla’s underclothes, because we both prefer a jumble of drawers in our drawers. (I do fold my sports bras though.) To recap a topic I have already covered quite thoroughly, I bundle my socks together, and gently fold over the very tops of my husband’s dress socks, and stack his athletic socks in a neatish pile. I throw Carla’s socks in a pile because she enjoys mismatched socks, although this strategy is not working as well anymore as it should; she has a whole drawer full of socks and still tells me nearly daily that she can’t find any socks; something must be done to resolve this. I fold everyone’s pants and pajama pants, my husband’s underwear, and all my leggings and workout clothing and pajamas. 

I do not fold any of my husband’s shirts, as he prefers to do that himself. (Thank goodness, as I am TERRIBLE at folding. NOTHING is uniform.) I do not fold any of Carla’s shirts, as we have discovered that it works better for her to hang all her shirts in her closet rather than to stuff them into her dresser where they will never be seen again. Instead of folding, I lay everything out neatly – my husband’s stuff on his side of the bed, mine on my side (although I usually put my things away as I go), and Carla’s on the bench at the foot of our bed. My husband is then responsible for folding his shirts/putting his clothing away. Carla is ostensibly responsible for putting her clothing away, but it is more often than not sitting on the bench in my bedroom for weeks at a time. 

Things like rags, dish towels, and bath mats have somehow become my sole responsibility. I do not know if they would ever make it into the wash if I didn’t wash them. Do my family members know they require washing? Hmm. Perhaps I need to follow up on this one.

My husband takes sole responsibility for washing his dress shirts. They require additional attention, apparently, so I just stay out of it. Luckily, he owns more dress shirts than a J. Crew store, so he only washes them rarely. 

Historical Precedents:

I don’t know why we fold laundry on our bed. Maybe because it is technically closest to the laundry room? Or maybe because it makes it very simple for me to put my things away immediately? At our old house, laundry folding took place on the guest room bed. That made it all too easy to ignore the laundry for eons, so I think I prefer this setup, where we have to deal with it before we go to bed. 

When I was growing up, I have no recollection of where the laundry was folded. Perhaps in the laundry room, and then stacked on the ironing board? Perhaps on my parents’ bed? My mom did a load of ironing every weekend, and that took place in the laundry room or in the living room. I do not iron, so that’s not really a thing in our house. The only ironing board we own is a tiny dorm-size one that must have belonged to my husband in college. 

Sometimes I will fold rags or towels in the living room in front of the TV, or dump rags in a pile on the ottoman for Carla to fold while she watches TV. 

Carla knows how to do laundry, and sometimes helps. I did my own laundry from the time I was in middle school, and in fact used to iron my own jeans. Perhaps this is why I have such an aversion to ironing as an adult. Not that anyone was forcing me or even recommending that I iron my own jeans as a middle schooler, mind you.

My husband also knows how to do laundry, and does it better and more efficiently – thank you to my mother-in-law – and we used to do laundry together in our college laundry room, when it was mildly scandalous to launder our underthings in the same room, a time I look on fondly. By “better” I mean that he is more thoughtful about things like temperature and heat settings. I pretty much wash everything in cold and dry it all on regular, but he’ll wash towels in hot and dry them on the towel setting, things like that. (I wash rags in the sanitizing cycle, and throw both Oxy and vinegar in with the regular laundry soap.)

Laundry Approaches:

My husband and I have some very different approaches to laundry. One is towels. I like to run towels separately from clothing, because I feel like they take longer to dry and also they displace more fuzz than normal clothes and also because they are towels and clothing is clothing. My husband is fine washing his white undershirts and socks with his white towels. I say, to each his own. 

He is also a bit more strict about volume. I figure, if my washer claims it can handle a king size comforter, then I can usually get all of our black and red clothing to fit in one load. I do have limits. But he is much more wary of overcrowding. 

The other major differentiation between us is something I have written about all-capsily before; in this house, we do not have a towel for any purpose in the laundry room, even though our current washing machine is also a front loader.

Shifting Values:

My position on bleach has changed over the years. When I was a kid, we had well water instead of city water, so we didn’t really own any white clothing. But any white clothing we did have required bleach to maintain its purity. For years after I moved out of my childhood home, I continued to bleach our white clothing. But in the past six? ten? years or so, I have moved away from bleach. I make liberal use of Oxy Clean, especially with our white bedding and my husband’s white clothing and towels, and I haven’t noticed any degradation in color. 

We also used to use liquid fabric softener, but the washer in my current house does not drain the liquid fabric softener properly, so we have moved to dryer sheets. I’ve tried dryer balls exclusively, but those don’t work as well as the sheets. I do forget to add sheets a good amount of the time. Shhhh – don’t tell my husband.

Laundry Problems:

By far my biggest laundry problem is forgetting to move things from the washer to the dryer, and then needed to re-run them with vinegar and Oxy to get rid of the inevitable mildew smell. That has been a problem ever since I moved into my own house and out of a dorm room/apartment with a shared laundry space. But. Now there is another laundry problem. One that also necessitates re-washing entire loads of laundry. 

Why yes. That IS dog food. Carla apparently stores dog food in her pockets and then forgets to empty her pockets before she puts her clothes in the laundry. And then I forget to check her pockets before I run the laundry. The dog food gets all mushy and coats the entire load of laundry in Eau de Dog Food, so there is no choice but to run it again with a stiff dose of Oxy and vinegar. 

For those who observe Yom Kippur, I hope the holiday has been meaningful for you. For those who observe Canadian Thanksgiving, I hope the day is full of good food and empty of drama.