My brain is stuck on spin cycle and it’s Not Great Bob.
I have been eating my feelings, and my feelings taste like vanilla ice cream speckled with rainbow Nerds.
Vanilla ice cream not pictured, as it is already in my belly.
All the things that are stressing me are Champagne problems, so it’s a little frustrating to be feeling so riled.
- We are having some landscaping work done. It’s been postponed twice, for no clear reason, which is its own mildly stressful thing. Finally, it’s happening this week and I am so jittery. Will the changes look good, or at least better than before? Will the updates reduce maintenance costs, as planned? Will the new plants survive? Will the transplanted plants survive? Will the project be worth the cost?
- A bunch of phone calls I have been delaying continue to require resolution. Just make the phone calls! But I don’t want to, because this will be the second or third round of calls to each of the three places and those calls are either going to result in a) another round of phone tag or b) additional questions / appointments / decision points. I don’t wanna.
- My husband and I have completely stalled on our furniture-buying plans. Which is fine-ish, but also I still have an old, torn, ugly couch in my front room and plus we pretty much already CHOSE some of the furniture, we just haven’t chosen everything, and now I am afraid the costs of everything are continuing to climb and/or we will end up delaying the purchases until the holidays when we will already be spending a bunch of money.
- My cat is afraid of our Halloween décor. Carla put up all the Halloween decorations yesterday, including the many many wall bats I’ve accumulated over the years (they are my favorite), and poor Leo spent the rest of the evening under my bed, which is where he goes when a Very Loud Noise frightens the fluff out of him. He was super jumpy and weird last night after I dragged him out from under the bed, and then this morning he was super jumpy and weird during our morning routine – only half-heartedly chasing things during play time and then doing that thing where he stands and stares intently into the nothingness as though he is seeing something otherworldly. Do I take the Halloween decorations down? Will ALL decorations freak him out? What is going to happen when we have a Christmas tree in our living room?
- We cannot decide what to do for an upcoming vacation. Originally, my husband and Carla wanted to go to either England or Japan, and I was opposed to an overseas trip following so close on the heels of our Paris trip. My alternative was to go skiing out west or to go to Canada, land of so many beautiful sites and home to so many amazing bloggers. My husband would prefer someplace warm and suggested Los Angeles, Santa Fe, or Las Vegas. (Why do they all have two-part names? Do you think he included that in his criteria?) Carla wants to go to Japan, which would be amazing, but also the very idea of flying such a long distance to a country where I speak no more than a single word of the language gives me the vapors. THE VAPORS. I can’t drum up any enthusiasm whatsoever for the US options my husband has come up with, to the point that I have come around about going to England… but my husband thinks we may not have enough time to plan an overseas trip at this point. So we keep going in circles and not deciding and our designated time off is getting closer and closer. (Where would YOU go?)
- I have a dumb post in my drafts that I am probably going to publish and then I’ll feel extra dumb about putting it out in the world, but I keep thinking about it and maybe that’s part of why I feel Stuck lately? Just as you are kind and tolerant of not only my whining about non-problems, but doing said whining when the world at large is facing so many real, hard, life-altering things, and when so many of YOU are enduring real, hard, life-altering things, I am guessing you will be kind and tolerant of my forthcoming dumb post, but I am still feeling dumb about it. And feeling dumb about THIS post, too.
- An ongoing unbloggable but also Not Actually Bad situation continues to assert itself despite Taking Measures. I have been venting to friends and sending emails and ordering books and trying to collect my thoughts and trying to figure out if there is someone in authority I can talk to who might have the power to address things. This makes it sound worse than it is; it’s nothing serious, it’s just one of those things that you want to FIX if you CAN.
- I have a Social Event to attend and I don’t want to. It’s not like social anxiety is anything new to me, and honestly, now that I’m taking an anti-anxiety medication, the symptoms I typically suffer (sweating, blushing, pounding heart, feeling like I’m going to vom, tangled tongue) affect me a lot less. But I still HATE going to events where I’m expected to socialize with a bunch of people. Hate. HATE.
Again, nothing is really wrong. And yet I am so edgy and hand-wringy about everything. I think what the stress comes from is a) decision-making without a clear winner and/or b) my lack of control over a situation or its outcome.
I was texting with a friend the other day about a similar issue making a tough decision, and I tried to reframe it for her by reminding her that no matter what she decides, the outcome will be positive. That’s true for me, too. So what if the decision-making doesn’t have a clear winner? That means it doesn’t have a clear loser, either! Even if there isn’t a genuinely positive outcome, at the very worst, these decisions won’t be irreversibly damaging if we choose wrong. Like if the new landscaping sucks, well. It will be a waste of money and we’ll be annoyed, but no one is going to die (except possibly some transplanted hydrangeas). And if we hate it enough, in a few years we can hire someone else to do something different.
And look. Leo seems to be coming around on his feelings about the bats.
I DO FIND that if I have something that I feel like it’s too dumb (or whatever) to blog, and then I don’t blog it, it can block other posts. Not always, but pretty often. It’s like, sorry, that is the next post in line. You can leapfrog it a couple times, maybe, but then it’s got to be done.
Brains are so annoying.
Make a decision and then kill the alternatives? Is that a saying? I would go to England although I do love Santa Fe. There are some great museums there and lots to see. Good food too! Cats generally like X-mas trees, especially the cat toys that we put on them. 🙂 It sounds like you have a lot going on; one or two conundrums feel manageable, but all that decision making would make me edgy too.
I’ll put in a totally biased plug for southern california. there is SO MUCH to do here, whether you like culture, pop culture, outdoorsy things, history, what have you. you didn’t mention when the trip will be, but i know you live somewhere with actual winter so the weather here is almost certainly a plus. between san diego and los angeles you could easily fill two weeks!
I think my husband and kid are really leaning toward California, so this may be where we go!
I really think SoCal is going to end up being the choice – even though I am resistant! Not sure why… What are some Must Dos you might recommend?
I have never been to Santa Fe, so it is probably the most appealing of the three US options! What are some of the things you love about it?
Santa Fe is a very artsy community; I loved the architecture, the Basilica of St Francis of Assisi, the Folk Art Museum, the Georgia O’Keefe and the history of the place. However, it’s NOT warm there if your family prefers that. It sits at 7,000 feet and gets cold weather and snow, although not as much as Taos. (loved Taos also) Southern California is nice weather-wise and with beaches, zoos and excellent food. Lots of traffic though.
No matter what happens YOU HAVE THE CUTEST CAT.
Blog the dumb stuff. Ninety percent of us are blogging dumb stuff ninety percent of the time.
COME TO OTTAWA!!! Ha ha just kidding. You’d probably go to BC which is nicer than Ontario and Nicole is nicer than me and forget it! Go to Japan! Sorry, I am no help, look away, I’m hideous.
Sometimes I just can’t get around the mental block for a forthcoming social event. I know I can get through it, but I can’t SEE myself getting through it, and because of this it seems impossible. I don’t know how to counsel dealing with this, except just go through the motions and keep telling yourself there will be a time after this. Or make up lie and cancel. Either way.
He’s pretty great, isn’t he?!
I just found out the social event is going to be bigger than I anticipated so I am dreading it MORE now. Good times. (Unfortunately I cannot cancel. I WISH.)
Also I would LOVE to go to to Ottawa to see you!!!!!!!
SAME SAME SAME! I am mentally churning also, mostly about an upcoming trip. (For yours, I can second Santa Fe, which I visited as a kid and remember as such an interesting place!) I very much feel your feelings in this post. I hope we both get through this spin cycle to “lazily swinging on the line in the sun and cool breeze.”
Ooooh I love that image of swaying on the line! I am going to keep that visual in mind as I progress through the spin cycle. 😂 Another vote for Santa Fe! What do you love about it?
My takeaway is that I need to get my hands on some vanilla ice cream and rainbow nerds STAT. I’ve solved none of your problems and yet you have solved one of mine.
I really really really really hate making phone calls for the very reason that you describe. Up to the point where I make the call, it’s just one item on my to-do list. Once I make the call the task expands to 10 items. It’s just not rewarding.
I wonder if there is any way to steer your husband a bit north to San Francisco. It shouldn’t be terribly cold, it meets his two part name requirement, and you have friends there. Failing that, my choice would be Santa Fe since I’ve never been there (yet). Japan would be amazing, but maybe there just needs to be more space between international trips.
Pets and holiday decorations! Hubs just put his Halloween decorations out, and I laughed at him for putting tiny stuffed ghosts on the stair landings, since they are the same shape as dog toys and you-know-who has easy access. Cats are more challenging than dogs because they have more vertical reach.
Vanilla ice cream and Nerds is the BEST combo. So good.
Haha – your husband has a lot of faith in Doggo! I know for sure Leo would think the ghosts were HIS and meant for his enjoyment only.
San Francisco did come up, but it didn’t make the top tier of choices. I love your reasons for including it though!
obviously you should go to big sky 🙂 (jk! But … it is an option!)
I would LOVE TO. So sad I got vetoed. 😢
Some friends of mine spent a lovely holiday in San Diego a few weeks ago. Perhaps your family might enjoy a visit as well?
We did discuss San Diego but for some reason it didn’t make the short list!
Ugh. I get the mental churning and even if your problems are first world problems (in the grand scheme of things), they can still be annoying and exhausting to deal with. I am sure you’ll have a great vacation, wherever you go (just remind yourself how lucky you are to go at all!).
Also, please post the “dumb” post (although there is nothing like a dumb post, just sayin’, and we’re all probably glad you posted whatever is being stuck in your head right now. Sometimes you just have to get it out and we’re here for it!).
Yes, definitely still annoying even though I feel ridiculous about being annoyed. 😅 Okay, I will try to keep “no such thing as a dumb post” in mind!
Can we know the season of the trip?? That would potentially sway my opinion…Also, Japan sounds amazing (my oldest has requested it as his graduation trip- not this upcoming June but the following), but to ME, Japan is not a “let’s quick throw this trip together” type destination. It’s very far/expensive/etc and I guess I don’t know when your trip is, but I think I would not want to do a trip like that half way. Not that you would, but if it’s coming up soon, it feels like it could be rushed to plan?
We are actually considering a combo of Las Vegas + Zion National Park in Utah for June. The boys want to see Vegas and I think for teens it could be really fun! They want somewhere warm, to see all the lights/action/cars/ etc of the Strip, to go to a show or two, out for some nice dinners, walk through all the themed hotels/malls/etc, go shopping, to the pool, and then we can do some nature stuff too (Red Rock Canyon, hoover Dam, plus a few days in Zion National Park + Valley of Fire… could do Bryce if time, but I don’t know that we would). I think it will be really fun, if we do it!
Japan does sound amazing (totally intimidating though!), and I agree that I would need a ton of time to both plan and adjust to the idea. And learn some basic phrases.
Your trip to Vegas etc sounds great! Maybe I will copy your plans if we decide that is our destination! 😉
Big hugs! I’m sorry you’re feeling stuck. Some life seasons are like that, I find. Also I had a weird spiral this morning due to some stuff with one of our email accounts and I feel totally off kilter and have all day! So I do get it. I feel like Rainbow Nerds would totally help (I used to love Nerds blizzards when I was a kid, alas, ice cream is no longer my friend, but I bet it helps).
Japan! That would be amazing. Our next trip is Cambodia, Vietnam, and Thailand. I am…unsure what to do about the language thing. I guess I’ll learn a few greetings in each one and hope for the best.
I feel your misery on so many of these things! I hate making phone calls so much! I also hate answering the phone. I absolutely despise big parties. To disagree on or be disappointed by a vacation location isn’t pleasant either.
All I can say is that your feelings of irritation are valid, and DANG, you have the CUTEST kitty!
That cat – I am voting him the most photogenic cat of all time. Moreover, that’s a great photo, with all the complementary colors and the lines in various directions. And the matching cat.
Any place in California is probably great to visit – there’s such a large variety. San Francisco is a lot different from Los Angeles but both are fascinating and enjoyable. And there ends my knowledge of California tourist destinations.
I counsel you to publish the post. I think you have worthy things to say and I like reading those things.
Right now I think the ordinary problems of life are made extra stressful these days by just the general shittiness of world and US events. Phone calls – nope, I’m not doing those either.
Leo instantly made MY day better.
Well, considering I AM THE FRIEND who is dithering and your reframe was sooo helpful, I think I have to remind you of your amazing advice. Wherever you go will be amazing. My family is very keen on Japan and I feel very Meh about the whole thing, but I’m sure wherever we go will be amazing and it almost feels like since it’s SUCH a different culture, I wouldn’t feel as much pressure to plan cool things to do? Just getting there is the main part of the adventure.
I think you and I both (sorry if I’m putting words in your mouth), have trouble not feeling insanely guilty for complaining about stressful things because we have inherently good lives. Or maybe that’s just me. But it IS hard to be a wife and mom (especially when our husbands are both gone a lot and have what feel like Big, Important Careers). It IS hard to be a woman. It IS hard to just live in the current world and try to balance exposing our kids the “right” amount and protecting them from all the sheer evil and horror going on.
And all the little things that have to be maintained at home (again, you and I both manage the majority of our kids lives, food, being the one home when repairs need doing, etc)…is stressful! And exhausting.
My kids love Nerds. I bet this dessert would make them VERY happy.
I am not a big fan of Los Angeles (sorry to have Angelenos reading) but I LOVED Santa Barbara. So I would try for a destination like that. Or the area I was in (Huntington Beach) for a conference in Sept was amazing and gorgeous. Your husband probably doesn’t actually want to go to LA and is instead interested in these other areas that are gorgeous/amazing. I have also heard nothing but good things about Santa Fe.
While you are debating between all these options, I’m just trying to get my husband to make a decision about whether the 4 of us should go to DC for a 4 night trip over spring break to see my sister/do some sightseeing or whether I should just go with Paul (which will pizzzzz Taco off but oh well). I asked Phil about this the morning of some epically horrible behavior from Taco so my timing was not great. But we talked about it at length again last night and he’s going to take until the end of the month to decide. I am more of a “let’s just make a gd decision and not stew over it” person…
I hope Leo is like our cat and is fairly disinterested in your Christmas tree. Our cat mostly liked to nap under it on the tree skirt.
We loved the US Virgin Islands. All inclusive resort and beautiful beach. It was perfect! Daughter was a sixth grader and she loved snorkeling with sea turtles. (She’s a college girl now)
Unbloggable stuff is what weighs us down. I get it.
Also, dumb posts sometimes are the ones that others can really connect with, so it might help you.
Leo is afraid of scary stuff. HE iS JUST A BABY. Ya’ll can’t scare babies, right?
Coach would love to visit Japan, but we also don’t know even ONE word in Japanese, which is less than you know. 😉
I would love to visit Santa Fe!!
Oh LEO! I hope he gets used to the Halloween decor. Silly boy! And I hope he does well with a Christmas tree. My girls leave it mostly alone, but they love sitting underneath it and sometimes I will find them trying to climb the middle rod, lol.
Since this trip seems to be one that is coming up SOON, I would plan for something stateside. I can’t imagine planning an international trip without months of prep, but that’s just me, haha.
Honestly, any trip sounds good to me. Life being what it is, travel is not in the cards right now. So, I will be traveling vicariously through you. 🙂 (Can’t wait to learn of the decision!)