generous impulses

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Yes, I’m Still Shopping! Stocking Stuffer Options

Well, Internet, I am only the barest squeak further along in my Christmas prep than I was on Friday. By which I mean I have finally ordered most of the presents I need to (but not all, oh no, not all), my holiday cards have arrived and the address labels have been printed (but not applied to the envelopes, which means the cards remain unsent), and I have contemplated what to order for Christmas dinner (but have not ordered it). Instead of oh, decorating or wrapping the gift that arrived and must go in the mail immediately, I am now thinking idly about stocking stuffers. It is much more pleasant to give into one’s mindless only shopping fixation rather than to give into panic about how far behind one is. 

My husband and I have slightly differing views on stockings. I feel like they are an opportunity for whimsy and fun but one person’s “whimsy” can slide so easily off the cliff into a chasm of “junk.” Anyway, every year I try desperately to temper myself when it comes to stocking stuffers and then the closer we get to Christmas, the more sure I am that I’ve completely underdelivered on gifts and the more I succumb to Stocking Stuffer Syndrome. So: here’s what I would shove in ALL the stockings if I could.

Spa Headband: The sixth grade set are all into skincare, and my daughter has expressly requested one of these holds-your-hair-off-your-face headbands. If it encourages her to cleanse and moisturize, I’m all for it.

Aesthetic Highlighters: Here’s me not really understanding The Current Kid Lingo, but “aesthetic” seems to be one of the highest compliments you can pay a noun? Not sure what Carla would be highlighting with these, but why not.

Fabric Pens: After attending a free embroidery class at our library, Carla has gotten back into clothing arts, like sewing and embroidery. She loves these fabric pens because they are purportedly washable, which means she can decorate and redecorate a shirt as often as she likes.

Harry Potter Miniverse: My niece loves Harry Potter and it seems like all kids love these mini brands balls, so I really want to get this for her.

LaNeige Lip Balm: I love a good lip balm and this pack of three could so easily be distributed among three wonderful people in my life.

Scrapbook Tape: I am sure Carla could come up with endless applications for this roll-on glue.

Fidget Pen: What kid wouldn’t appreciate this fun (and practical!) fidget?

Hot Sauce Travel Packs: I usually end up filling my own stocking, and this is what I’d like to fill it with.

Eye Masks: I would also like to find these in my stocking. Anything and everything with the slightest potential to detract from how old and tired I look.

Silicone Whisks: I am IN NEED of more silicone whisks. We only have one and it’s kind of big and unwieldy but nonetheless I use it all the time. 

Cooling Towel: I am not quite sure WHAT to put in my husband’s stocking. Maybe this cooling towel, which I think he’d make use of while he works out?

Chili Crisp: Speaking of my husband, he did mention this collection of chili crisp in passing. Every gift I’ve gotten him is something he specifically asked for, which makes me feel quite dull, but at least I know he’ll appreciate it?

Gilmore Girls Ornament: I would love to get this ornament for my GG-loving friend, but I’m not sure if it’s Gilmoreian enough???

Only Murders in the Building Ornament: Maybe this ornament would be better? Plus, it makes the song spring instantly to mind.

Only Murders Decal: I love this Only Murders in the Building Decal… but I don’t know if my friend is a decal person?

Only Murders Notepad: This is super cute and fun and useful.

Bombas Socks: Here’s a whimsy-free but semi-luxurious option for my husband’s stocking!

Croissant Throw Pillow Crochet Pattern: Some people in our home are opposed to croissant stuffies, so I am toying with getting Carla a croissant crochet pattern. My mom has been teaching her how to crochet, and this little throw pillow is SO CUTE.

Magnetic Shoelaces: This might be too practical a gift, even for a stocking stuffer, but boy would it be practical. My kid pretty much REFUSES to tie her shoes and it drives me bonkers. (Is this a My Kid Thing, or is it one of those Middle Schooler Things, like refusing to wear a coat when it’s 30 degrees outside?)

Swedish Dishcloths: I love my Swedish dishcloths – they are helping me ever-so-slowly wean off of my horrific paper towel habit – and it’s so fun to have them in cute patterns instead of plain solid colors.

Warmies Eye Mask: I think Carla would love this warm-up-able fuzzy eye mask. (I promise it is not invisible.)

Personalized Notepad: My husband got me some personalized stationery earlier this year and I love it. How fun would it be to get personalized notepads for everyone on my list?

Herb Scissors: Not sure how often I would actually USE these, but I still want them.

Zebra Hilighters: Again with the highlighters! But they are fun and the perfect size for a stocking.

Cat Post-It Note Dispenser: Carla asked for this little guy specifically, and how can I not buy it for her? (And one for me as well.)

Clean/Dirty Dishwasher Sign: Our dishwasher is not magnetic, and it’s nearly impossible to tell if the dishes inside it are clean or dirty, so I got a little sign you can hang inside the dishwasher to make it clear what’s going on. I have at least one person on my list who has explicitly requested one of these for her own house.

Emotional Support Pickle: I don’t know exactly why I have the urge to give one of these to every person I know, but the urge is strong.

Magnetic Leather Bookmark: Oh, how I love a good bookmark! No one can have too many bookmarks.

Sparkle Freckles: Is there any reason that my child needs sparkle freckle tattoos? No. But I cannot think of a reason that she does not need them, either.

Farting Pen: Even though this makes me groan, I can think of at least two people in my three-person household who would get a kick out of this. See? I believe in whimsy even at my own expense!

Screaming Christmas Goat: Last but not least, I sent this to a friend who loves goats and it was a HUGE hit. Someone in your life needs this goat.

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Gifts Galore: 2024 Contenders for All the People on My List

It feels panic-inducingly late to be Just Now Thinking of What to Buy People for Christmas, and yet that’s where I am. I have not yet received a single holiday card this year, so I’m kind of hopeful that everyone else is similarly… slow to get into the holiday swing of things. If you, like me, are still scrambling to buy gifts, I’ve made a list of some of the things I’ve been considering for the people on my list. (Here’s where, if you normally exchange gifts with me, I recommend you consider bailing out unless you want me to ruin any semblance of surprise.) This list is meandering and haphazard, but I hope you find something that appeals to you or one of the people you need gifts for.

Cute Earrings: Carla got her ears pierced this past summer and so I of course want to give her ALL the adorable earrings. She expressly asked for “seasonal” earrings, so perhaps something like this would work well. But I love super cute and unique earrings, so I am leaning toward something like this or this (she loves pickles and croissants).

Something French Adjacent: Carla is taking French in school and we plan to visit Paris sometime in 2025, so I’d like to get her something French-ish to wear. Perhaps something like this or this or this? 

A Sign for Carla’s Craft Room: I think she’d love something in neon but she might also appreciate this one.

Mason Jar Herb Kit: I cannot for the life of me grow herbs indoors, but that doesn’t stop me from trying. I wonder if my green-thumb friend would like this?

Personalized Planter: This same friend has a gorgeous flower garden. I wonder if she would make use of a personalized planter?

Custom Garden Sign: Or I could do a personalized garden sign. She might really love that!

Long Island Compromise by Taffy Brodesser-Akner: A BUNCH of people on my list usually get books from me/us. Although I’ve read more books this year than ever before, I can’t think of many that I’d consider gift-worthy: really compelling, good writing, long-ish, and ideally published in the current year. The one that stands out to me is Long Island Compromise, but it’s so raunchy that I don’t know if I could really give it to anyone? Maybe there’s one person who would appreciate it; the others might find it shocking and distasteful. (It IS shocking and distasteful; it is also hilarious and well written and profound in its way.) 

Burrito Blanket: This was kind of inexplicably on Carla’s wish list; she does not eat burritos.

Office Supplies: My sweet little big kid seems to have jumped right from All Toys All the Time into Office Supplies? I mean, I get it, who doesn’t love office supplies? But I’m not sure gel pens or even a pretty pink desk organizer will result in the exciting fun-filled Christmas of her imagination, you know?

Dog Lamp: Come on. This is adorable. Maybe it bridges the gap between “office supplies” and “toys”?

Sherpa Jacket: Another Carla wish list item. Maybe my niece needs one too?

Flannel Pajamas: Carla has a pair of jammies from Abercrombie kids and she LOVES them. She could definitely do with another pair.

Sweaters: Like the request for Office Supplies, I have a feeling that Carla’s enthusiastic list of clothing items – like this and this – may result in disappointment rather than elation. Although that dino sweater is pretty amazing.

Sweatshirt: Speaking of clothing, one of the only things my husband requested for Christmas is – wait for it – a sweatshirt. Since there were so few things he asked for, I kind of feel locked in to buying him one, so I have been googling “best men’s sweatshirt” trying to get a hot tip. Anyway, GQ rated this sweatshirt as its Best Overall Hoodie, and it’s a decent price, so: sold.

Bamboo Jogger Pant: The “googling it” option is how I landed on these jogger pants which I got him for his birthday and which he loves. They are SO soft. 

Fish Trivet: Has anyone in my life asked for a fish trivet? Does anyone need a fish trivet? Doesn’t matter; I want to buy (or own) this fish trivet. 

Stars Hollow Long-Sleeved Tee: One of my friends is a TV aficionado and I always peruse the merch from her faves to see if I can find anything she needs to have. She might need this.

Stars Hollow Pajama Pants: Or THESE. Who would object to another pair of comfy jammies?

The Third Gilmore Girl by Kelly Bishop: I did already get her this memoir by the inimitable Emily Gilmore, but maybe you or the GG fan in your life needs a copy?

Gilmore Girls Socks: Or how about these GG socks?

Arconia Mug: I am really leaning toward this Only Murders in the Building mug. Simple! Classic! Useful! And I like that you have to have watched the show to recognize what the Arconia is.

Tree Kit: How fun would it be to give (or receive) a tree?

Freezable Pint Glasses: My husband got me a set of these glasses last year for some holiday or other and I love them. They are perfect for summer nights. My brother needs these, I think.

Freezable Wine Glasses: I also have a set of these and love them as well. I have a friend who enjoys sitting outside on a summer night and she may find these under her tree.

LaNeige Icons: All the ladies on my list would love this. I would love it, myself.

Joke Writing Book: I think I have considered this for Carla before. I’m sure she would get a kick out of it.

Monster Mat: After many years, our original monster mat finally bit the dust, and we recently replaced it. How were we living without it?! This is THE BEST craft mat. 

Bean Bag Chair: Carla has one in her room and I keep promising (threatening?) to get her another one. I think my niece would love this too.

Low Light Duo: Houseplants are a perennial item on my wish list. Our house, however, has kind of a light problem. We get very little direct light. But this low-light duo would be perfect.

Bookends: My husband and I just got a new book shelf with open edges, so we are now on the hunt for great bookends. I want them to be minimalist and/or beautiful. These are good on the minimalist end of things.

Plant Stand: Most of my plants are just crowded together on the floor. They can barely see out the window! A plant stand would fix that problem.

Sous Vide: Jen raved about this sous vide a long, long time ago and I have had it in my Amazon cart ever since… and yet even on sale ($119 down from $199!), it feels like too extravagant a gift to buy for myself. But it would be a PERFECT gift for someone to buy for me.

Coffee Subscription: It’s been a long time since I’ve gifted my husband a coffee subscription and maybe it’s time to do it again.

Croissant Stuffie: Carla loves croissants, she loves stuffed animals; why not join these two loves into one adorable gift?

Croissant Stuffie with Moustache: Or what about a croissant stuffie that’s also demonstrably French? (His name is Monsieur Croissant, omg.)

Croissant Throw Pillow: This throw pillow is not quite as cute as the anthropomorphic stuffies, but it is a much better price range AND it’s enormous.

Fancy Teaspoons: For those of us experiencing Spoon Drift, perhaps these would be a wonderful addition to the cutlery drawer.

Gentle Pressure Sleep Mask: I see that I included this on last year’s list and didn’t get one. I still feel like I could use it. 

Kindle Remote Page Turner: This feels like kind of a silly/lazy thing to want, and yet I would LOVE it. I love my kindle, but I prefer to snuggle up with my hands under the covers and it’s a (teeny tiny) pain to uncover one hand to turn the page. 

Fancy Jams: My husband loves jam and he loves food gifts. Bonne Maman does a gift box of little jars which would be super fun. Oooh I like the different flavors in this one. Apricot with jalapeno! Persimmon! Olallieberry! I have never even heard of an olallieberry. (Ah. I see. It is a kind of blackberry.)

Hamster Warmies: Carla recently made herself a little pillow filled with rice that she microwaves and snuggles with. I bet she would love a stuffed animal that she can warm and snuggle. The only question is, which critter would she like best?! 

Fancy Chocolate: Sometimes, the best gift is edible and these truffles sound amazing. Hanukkah begins on Christmas evening, which means we’ll have one night of gift overlap. These menorah-printed chocolates would be so fun to give (or receive).

Chocolate Cake: I read rave reviews of Dandelion’s Tokyo gateau; this chocolate gateau Basque looks just as decadent. 

Mouse and His Dog by Katherine Applegate: We got Carla the first Dogtown book last year, and she loved it. So I’m eager for her to read the next installment in the series.

Quiddler: We usually get my parents a new game, and – considering they are huge Scrabble fans – this one sounds RIGHT up their alley. (Thanks to Allison for describing and recommending it!)

Cloud Eau de Parfum: I am a little reluctant to spend $70 on a perfume that my kid may not like, or may love, in which case it will become our home’s signature scent for the foreseeable future. But I think she would love a perfume by Ariana Grande, and it’s a kind of fancy and mature gift for a kid who’s not really that into toys anymore…

Perfume Sampler: An alternative my husband and I discussed as an option for Carla is this perfume sampler, with a voucher to buy the one you like the most. We decided it could be very fun or very stinky. Maybe one of my sisters-in-law would like it instead?

Bread Bow: I am very intrigued by this knife.

Tomato Leaves Soap: Listen, in my opinion, this is a completely bonkers gift. It’s hand soap, for Pete’s sake, and it’s EIGHTY DOLLARS. I prefer my soaps on sale at Target, you know? And yet, ever since I read about this in one of the seven million gift guides I peruse this time of year, I cannot stop thinking about it. What if it is magical???

Wood Penguins: I am utterly enchanted by these penguins.

Avocado Vase: Carla asks me if we can try to grow an avocado every time one of us eats one. This pretty vase might inspire me to endure the rooting phase.

Book About Art: This book may be slightly on the young side for Carla, but it looks SO neat I might get it for her anyway. Maybe this How to Think and Draw Like an Artist Book would be more on Carla’s level? 

Book That Takes Place in France: I want to build some happy anticipation for Carla in advance of our upcoming trip to Paris, and maybe a fun novel that takes place in Paris (or the surrounding areas) would be perfect, like The Time Traveling Fashionista at the Palace of Marie Antoinette by Bianca Turetsky? Or maybe The Hidden Diary of Marie Antoinette by Carolly Erickson would be better? We read a fictional diary of Eleanor of Aquitaine last year that Carla really enjoyed.

Ugg Boots: Ah yes. Everything old is new again, and Carla has been begging for her own pair of Uggs. I am always hesitant about spending money on trendy things, especially when she is sure to grow out of them in a year… so this might remain a wish.

Hanes Comfywear: Who doesn’t need a set of super comfy loungewear?

Squishmallows Mystery Pack: I don’t think Squismallows have remotely lost their allure for my tween. Maybe this would be a good “toy” to include alongside the clothes and makeup and books and other tween gifts?

Temporary Tattoo Markers: Carla is always drawing on her arms. It kind of drives me nuts, to be honest, but it’s not a battle I’m willing to wage. Maybe I should lean into the (temporary) body art craze?

Golden Girls Coasters: One of my best friends and I do a bit wherein she’s Blanche and I’m Dorothy and I really want to get her these coasters.

Golden Girls Tea Towels: Or maybe these tea towels would be more useful.

Sleuth & Solve: Science: This book looks fun and educational.

Mini Karaoke Machine: I love that this karaoke machine has TWO microphones. Sounds like it will be a hit at sleepovers.

Dog Walking Bag: Carla is desperate to have gear for her dog walking business. (A couple of neighbors have hired her to walk their dogs over the past several months.) Not sure if she would get a ton of use out of it, but she would LOVE to own one.

Balloon Animal Kit: Not that Carla needs a second business on top of her first (which already conflicts with the things *I* want her to do, like homework and chores and instrument practice), but this is such a cute and fun idea. I could see her making balloon animals for the birthday parties of the little kids on our street.

Pottery Kit: Oh my goodness would Carla love this. I don’t know if her craft room would survive, though, but perhaps that’s exactly what a craft room is for.

Sherpa Lined Gripper Booties: One of my family members has very cold feet and these seem like the exact kind of thing she’d use all the time. 

Blanket / Throw: One of my gift recipients recently moved and I think this throw would go really well in the house. Or perhaps this plush blanket would work even better? It looks so soft! Oooooh… maybe I like this monogrammed throw best of all. If only this particular gift recipient were a Mariah Carey fan, because this blanket is fire.

Red String of Fate: Carla is considering this for some of her friends which I think is so sweet.

LaNeige Midnight Minis: I think this would be a great gift for Carla to get and divide up among her friends. 

Marine Layer Saturday Pants: Not quite sure where I read about these pants, but I am eyeing them for my husband.

Smoothie Cup: One of the only things I could come up with for my own wish list was a cup from which I can drink smoothies. I have very specific criteria though. Must not be plastic, (I hate drinking from plastic), must be dishwasher safe, must have a lid, must not have a straw. I like this one because it’s ceramic, but it’s a little utilitarian. I like the look of this Stanley Pint Glass a lot (and maybe I have a teeny bit of Stanley FOMO?), but there’s no lid and I really only need a smoothie cup when I’m driving somewhere and can’t drink it out of a regular glass. Now this Kate Spade Tumbler is more like it! Super cute color options, lid, insulation. Hmmm. It’s hand-wash only, though… but maybe I could deal with that since I probably won’t use it all that often.

Ember Smart Mug: Because we are apparently both lacking in drinkware, one of the only things my husband requested for Christmas was the larger size Ember smart mug. He already has the 10-ounce version, which has lasted for years… but he needs a bigger cup of coffee, people. Can you blame him?

Paris Hilton Mug Warmer: I really wish I had someone to give this to. Somehow I don’t think my husband would appreciate it, but I feel like SOMEONE will. 

Paris Hilton Pot Holders: THERE ARE ALSO POT HOLDERS.

Lay’s Ornament: Carla spotted this ornament in a store somewhere and fell in love with it; Lay’s are her favorite chips. Alas, I failed to buy it. But I can buy it for $28 on Etsy and I just may do so! 

Skincare Set: The Bubble brand is all the rage among the sixth grade set. I could totally see Carla liking this set. Or this trial set of “super cuties.”

That’s all I have for you this year, Internet! As usual, making this list was super fun and wasted a ton of time that I could have spent DECIDING rather than DITHERING. But if you are still in the dither boat with me, hopefully this gave you a thing or two to add to your own cart. 

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A Very Silly Thing I Am Angsting Over

Through a combination of targeted approaches over the past six months, I feel like I have effectively reduced my overall anxiety level. I notice some anxieties no longer really bother me at all – they only linger in expectation form, like a phantom anxiety that I expect to bubble up but never does. (Perhaps this is a brand NEW anxiety, although it doesn’t ACT like anxiety.) 

Other anxieties remain. I think it is impossible to live a life 100% free from anxiety; even the most laid-back people in my life, after all, have their Things. But sometimes the things I stress about are so SILLY, worrying about them seems completely inexplicable… and yet I cannot stop bumping up against them, like a ring I twist unconsciously on my finger or a mosquito bite I can’t help but scratch. 

I am going to share the current mosquito bite with you, in hopes that a) putting it into words acts as a sort of soothing salve and b) I am not the only person who angsts over things that are ridiculous yet nonetheless persistently irritating. Please. Please. Tell me all the ridiculous things that keep you awake at night.

A bunch of my loved ones are gathering to celebrate A Momentous Occasion and I cannot join them. Out of some sort of mishmash of FOMO and Wanting To Show I Care, I suggested to the host that maybe I could supply breakfast for one morning when everyone is together. 

The host responded with positivity and gratitude. Yes, my overture would be welcome and appreciated.

Almost immediately, I regretted giving in to this generous impulse. Because I am NOT GOOD AT THIS KIND OF THING. This is a task that requires phone calls and guessing what other people might want in terms of quantity and flavor. This is a task that requires, possibly, using DoorDash or UberEats or one of the many food delivery services I have never once used in my life. This is a task that requires evaluating, based on online information, whether a caterer/restaurant/café is going to provide good food and good value. 

The Occasion is taking place in a state I have never visited. Everyone is staying in an Air BnB together. It seemed, in my head, like it would be fairly easy to order donuts or bagels or breakfast sandwiches for everyone to be delivered to the house. But I was wrong! 

My first thought was to use Goldbelly to order something. I’ve used Goldbelly for various food gifts in the past, and it always seems to work out. (Unless my parents and sibling are shielding me from the awful truth…) But a) I couldn’t find what I wanted for under $250, which was more than I intended to spend, and b) my husband thought I was a huge weirdo for choosing that option when I could just order from someplace local. 

Oh. Okay. Right. 

So I researched some local places. Is it reasonable to put all my faith in online reviews and personal reaction to company websites???? Reasonable or not, that is where I put my faith. 

The first place I called took a message and never returned my call. When I called back, they said they were in the middle of a busy period and could I call back later. The second place I called rang and rang and rang. The third place I called was an on-site caterer, and they apparently only cater to their specific site. The first place, which I called a third time, once again took my information and never called me back. 

I decided I would order from Panera, which has a simple online order form and would deliver the food for me. And also, Panera isn’t, like, special or anything, but it’s decent. However, I mentioned this plan to someone whose opinion I trust. The response was an instantaneous and very firm, “Don’t do that,” and a quick google search to locate a fourth place (well, fifth, if you count Panera, which I am not counting so I’m not sure why I’m typing this parenthetical) for me to call. 

If I could have had this friend call the fourth place for me and place the order, I would have. I was Done, Dee Oh En Ee, with this task, except I wasn’t because the only thing worse than calling yet another breakfast place was telling the host I was reneging on my offer. Don’t think I didn’t strongly consider it. 

The fourth place answered the phone! They could put together a breakfast that sounded good! And they could deliver! They quoted me a price, although they “didn’t have the price sheet in front of them, so they were just estimating” and I said let’s do this. 

I emailed the host of The Occasion and let her know what I was planning, and confirmed the correct date and time and location. She responded with a thumbs up. (Not a literal or emojical thumbs-up, but with an affirmation that I was doing something that worked with her plans.)  

It seems to me that Other People have no problem with tasks like this. Either they would call Panera from the get-go, or they would quickly and easily find the exact perfect place to order breakfast from and order breakfast from that place, or they would tell the host “sorry, it’s not working out, can I contribute another way,” or they wouldn’t offer to provide breakfast in the first place, like a chump. So part of the anxiety stems from feeling like I am making a big messy ordeal out of something that should be SIMPLE and STRAIGHTFORWARD. And the other part of the anxiety stems from fear that I am going to fuck it up somehow. 

Today, the fourth place called me and took my credit card information. The price they charged me was quite a bit higher than the quote, but at that point, what could I do? I was already locked in. The date of The Occasion is too near to go back to the drawing board, and I am too worn out from calling all these places and thinking about this for WEEKS to contemplate doing anything else. 

And now I am waiting, very anxiously, hoping that the delivery goes as planned, and the food I ordered is good, and that I ordered ENOUGH FOOD, I am not even going to TELL YOU how much I ordered or for how many people because I am so stressed about it and so worried you will say OMG SUZANNE THAT IS WAY TOO MUCH/TOO LITTLE FOOD.

I even texted a family member who will be in attendance at this Occasion, and let her know that I’d placed the order and it was all set to be delivered at a specific time and directed to the host… even though this family member did not ask for this information, or volunteer to help in any way, and I do not want to make her feel like it’s now, somehow, HER responsibility. 

Also: let me be clear. I fully realize this is not about me. The Occasion is… A Momentous Occasion for my loved one, and there is a whole big to-do going on that has nothing to do with my measly breakfast contribution, and a crappy breakfast is not going to make or break an entire long weekend of celebrating. I GET THIS. My brain understands. But my body is not on board! It is all riled up. The My Breakfast Contribution aspect of The Occasion is all I can think about! What if the food is terrible? What if it feeds only half of the guests? What if everyone gets food poisoning?! (Food poisoning could break a weekend, I suppose.) Why am I worrying about such a small slice of the overall pie of The Occasion? WHY?????? Whatever it is, it will be a blip at most. (Unless food poisoning.) (Please, God, let there be no food poisoning.)

My husband says, “It’s the thought that counts.” And. Well. Sort of? But also… I don’t want to be The Person Who Sent Shitty Breakfast (or diarrhea, which is an entirely different kind of shitty breakfast).

I should have just kept my dumb mouth shut! I should never have offered to do anything! I should have simply offered to send cash to help fund An Event! 

This is the kind of thing that is itching and ITCHING and I cannot scratch it. I want to moan about it to my husband. I want to text about it to my friends. I want to call the host of The Occasion and triple check that I got all the details right and get her to tell me that it won’t even matter if it’s crap because everyone will be drunk on mimosas, or have her tell me that a third of the guests suddenly can’t make it, or have her assure me that there’s tons of other food in the house just in case I didn’t order the right amount (HOW DO YOU KNOW WHAT AMOUNT TO ORDER OMG). I want to call my family member who will be on site and ask her to text me photos. I want to FLY TO THE STATE AND BE AT THE OCCASION AND HANDLE THE WHOLE THING IN PERSON OMG.

At least The Occasion will be over soon and I will no longer be troubled by the possibilities; I will know the outcome (because you know I am going to pester my family member until I get a report), and hopefully the reaction will fall somewhere in the range of “meh, that was okay” to “well, that was a pleasant little breakfast spread!” 

At the very least, I hope no one thinks, “Wow, we should have just gone to Panera.”