face freak out

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You Look Tired

“You look tired.” That has to be one of the most irritating sentences ever uttered, no? I mean, it’s not HELPFUL. And if you ARE tired, which you probably are, it just makes you ALSO feel like you look like a used dishrag, which is not the look anyone is trying to achieve. 

A family member used to say that to me almost every time we got together, to the point that there became a need for A Conversation. Fortunately, the commentary has since stopped.

It’s a good thing we are not planning to see this family member anytime soon, because the commentary would be ACCURATE. These days, I feel like I just look SO TIRED. This is probably because I AM tired, even though there is no real reason for being so tired. I lead a low-stress life; I typically go to bed at a reasonable time and rise for the day at a reasonable time; I should be perky and well-rested. 

The thing is, I am NOT. This is in large part because I am a terrible sleeper, and I am trying to work on that. I read a really fascinating article recently, about why so many of us are waking up at 3:00 am every night. You do this too, right? I do. Whenever I wake up in the middle of the night, I can be pretty sure it will be at 3:00 or 4:30. Sometimes both. The aforementioned article has some insights and potential fixes that I plan to implement, but right now I’m more concerned with the aesthetic impact. 

I have always sported dark undereye circles; that’s just how my face is designed. (This is why the Tula Rose Glow cooling balm is one of my longtime favorite cosmetics.) But lately, I feel like the tired look has become exponentially worse.

For one thing, my eyes are super puffy for the first few hours of the day – like my eyelids have decided to provide their own cozy comforters for the night and are declining to put them away once I wake up. Plus, the crows feet at the sides of my eyes are SO aggressive these days. I keep thinking that they are sleep wrinkles, from pressing my face into one position on the pillow for too long. But… I am beginning to realize they may just be WRINKLE wrinkles. 

Also, I have developed wrinkles across the bridge of my nose, that extend over onto my upper eyelids, like my body is etching its own goggles onto my skin.

Listen, I want very much to be able to wholeheartedly embrace Nicole’s pro-aging philosophy. And in general, I do. But when it comes to whatever is going on with my eye area? I am a fan of NONE of it. Not one thing. 

We live in 2024. There MUST be products that can address these problems and, if not improve them, at least make me feel like I’m Taking Action. (I do wear sunscreen on my face, and I have been moisturizing with Bag Balm, per recommendations from, I think, Birchie and Elisabeth, so I am taking some preventative action already.)

I recently read about these silicone anti-wrinkle patches and they are at a price point that makes me feel pretty strongly about giving them a try. They have options to address forehead wrinkles and mouth wrinkles and undereye wrinkles and hand wrinkles and more, but nothing for the crows feet area. 

From a brief foray into wrinkly eye area remedies, it really sounds like retinol is the best option… but I’ve had Issues with retinol in the past, so I’m reluctant to give it a try. 

I would give some eye masks a go, though. These undereye gel patches get good reviews and have peptides which are supposed to help moisturize and smooth fine lines. Maybe a cooling eye mask would be good, too, especially because I am more self-conscious about my upper-eye puffiness. 

Beyond those things, it looks like the only options are more invasive, like lasers or Botox or fillers. And maybe I need to explore those ideas… but the thought of doing so makes me even more tired. 

What are you doing to keep yourself from looking like you haven’t slept in ten years? Tell me all your secrets – even those that involve retinol or Botox. 

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Wednesday Randomosity: Squeaking in at the Last Hour Again

Okay, maybe it isn’t the last hour, but it’s pretty late. 

Once again, all I have for you is a collection of small random things I’m thinking about. But first: I am typing this from the armchair (Stephany: Pottery Barn Kids, purchased in 2013) in the corner of my room while my husband entertains his parents. An owl is hooting halfheartedly outside, or perhaps it is a mourning dove; they have similarly soft voices. 

From my vantage point, I can admire the new lamps for our nightstands, which arrived today! My husband set them up and they are lovely! I am still not 100% in love with the shape of them, I think, but I like the color (blue on ivory) and I really like the soft arcs of light they throw off. The dimmest setting is not as dim as I’d hoped (I wake up at the slightest provocation, so wanted dimmable lamps so my husband could see without jolting me out of sleep every night), but they will do, probably. 

I haven’t had a lamp on my nightstand since we moved in, so I’m very pleased about the presence of LIGHT! and I feel like I will warm up to the shape of the lamps.

Furnace: My furnace emailed me today. First of all, I didn’t know it could do that. Secondly, it is the kind of furnace that apparently only deigns to talk to you if there’s a problem. No, “Hey, how’s it going?” No checking in on how *I* am doing, just reporting issues like we don’t live in the same house together. 

THIS CAN’T BE GOOD.

It wanted to let me know that “your system briefly stopped heating your home several times.” What? Why? ARGH. I don’t know what’s going on with my furnace, but the whole thing is worrisome. We had our HVAC people out a couple months ago to do a check up, and they reported that the system is working fine. But it’s aging, as are we all, and the HVAC technician strongly suggested I register for the extended warranty on the furnace. But when I called, they said I only had 90 days from the day we bought our house to purchase the warranty, and they needed a copy of my title and the title transfer paperwork to get the process going. The title and paperwork we did not yet have. So I called the title company and asked where was our title, and they said it had been mailed, coincidentally, earlier that same week, and we waited for it, and it never showed up, and I badgered and it didn’t arrive and then the 90 day furnace warranty extension period evaporated. So. We don’t have the extended warranty on our furnace. (We do, finally, as of two weeks ago, have the title for our house. Not the original, which has apparently been lost to the whim of the US Postal Service, but a copy, which I had to prod and bother for.) This is all to say: of course our furnace is absolutely going to die now, isn’t it. 

Someone asked recently if I am feeling more settled now, and the answer is yes: more settled. But am I loving our house? Not yet. I am still hopeful it can happen. But right now, it still feels like there is so much. So many things to take care of, new problems popping up all the time. And with my in laws here — well, this is the first time they have been to this house, so we are showing everything to them and revisiting the early days of owning this place. Plus, they tend to be… quick to see the negatives in a situation, and they seem to often feel like people are out to get us all. So I am plunged back into feeling pretty low about the whole thing. I think (I hope) that this is all Part of Moving, and I am holding on to Jen’s assurance (HI JEN) that it will take me a good six months to feel like this is home. Maybe by the end of February I’ll feel better? Let’s check back then. Maybe my furnace and I will be on better terms.

Face (again): I know I just talked about face-washing yesterday, but it’s top of mind because a) my face is in A Right State lately and b) I had to buy a new bottle of Cetaphil face wash from Target and c) I just had a dermatology follow up to my diagnosis of rosacea. The dermatology appointment was a little disheartening. I don’t know what I expected, honestly. My skin hasn’t improved. If anything, it seems to break out more frequently than ever. The dermatologist kind of shrugged and said that it’s a chronic condition and there’s nothing I can really do to get rid of it. So. That’s the disheartening part.

I also had questions about the sulfur-based face wash I have been using (works pretty well, makes me smell faintly of sulfur which is unpleasant and self-conscious making) and I also wanted to ask a Vanity question. Background: I have been using either Cetaphil or the sulfur face wash to clean my face. When my face feels like a desert dune, I also use Cerave moisturizer. As a result of this regimen, I feel like my face looks SO OLD. Crepey and wrinkly and bleh. Fine lines really get a good grip when the skin is dry, I think. (I really, really miss my Beauty Counter face oil.) So one of the questions I had for my dermatologist was WHAT CAN I DO. WHY HAST YOUTH FORSAKEN ME SO. Etc. The dermatologist recommended – brace yourself – Vaseline. On my face. Like. All over it. 

I use Vaseline on my lips, and, yes, it seems to stave off the flakiness (although I don’t think I’ve used it yet in the dead of winter, so I will report back). But… on my whole face??? How would I sleep? My pillow would become an oil slick. Is this… a real suggestion? I feel like it cannot work and yet: I would try a lot of things in the name of vanity. 

Fashion: My husband’s holiday work party is coming up and once again I have no idea what to wear. It’s sort of dressy, although people wear a wide range of clothing items. Last year I wore black Ponte pants and a black top and maybe a sparkly necklace. What should I wear this year? 

By posting at night two nights in a row, I feel like I’ve really messed with the rhythm of this blog. And also, I still have houseguests, so I am guessing I will post again (if at all) late tomorrow night. But we are down to the wire of NaBloPoMo, and I am not going to fail now, Internet! 

I am kinda sorta attempting to complete NaBloPoMo, with the full expectation that life will make it impossible any day now. If you want to follow along, or join the fun, check out San’s blog here. 

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Tuesday Randomosity: TV and Phone Calls Edition

I was ALL ready to go for a nice long healthful walk this morning but then I got home from camp dropoff and my foot was already screaming at me, simply from a) driving and b) walking from the car to the door of the house. So I have scrapped the exercise idea and am typing nonsense to you instead. 

  • I cannot find SkinnyPop snack bags anywhere. And by “anywhere” I mean at Target or at the grocery store that offers curbside pickup. I suppose I could go to Costco, but going to Costco is a Whole Thing and I like to put it off as long as possible. 
  • Every few months, my face decides to FREAK THE FREAK OUT and today is that day. Yesterday, it broke out into dozens of little itchy pimply bits, so before I went to bed I washed it really well and then applied a thick layer of Eucerin. Then – and I think this was a mistake, although it’s hard to tell because I have experienced this same Face Freak Out many times and I don’t think I always do this step – I applied some benzoyl peroxide via Q-tip to the afflicted areas. Then I went to sleep. When I woke up, my cheeks and forehead were bright sunburn red and everything was tight and itchy. I washed my face again, applied another thick layer of Eucerin, and now I just have to wait it out. I wonder why it does this? It’s regular enough that I don’t worry (so much) that my face is going to stay this way forever. But it’s irregular enough that I never know what’s going to provoke it. I am washing all my sheets and pillowcases today, though, just in case that helps. 
  • My husband and I are (finally) watching the latest season of Stranger Things. We watched a recap of the series before we started the first episode, and seeing all the seasons condensed into key moments like that made me laugh. The series is SO RIDICULOUS. It sounds absolutely bonker balls. And yet it is so good! I love the characters and I love to hate on their TERRIBLE hair. The danger is palpable and so intense. The acting is pretty great. I love it. This season is VERY intense though.
  • One of my favorite parts of watching the show is the closed captions. My husband and I have reached that glorious stage of life during which we really PREFER to watch shows/movies with the captions on. But for Stranger Things in particular, the captions for the musical choices bring me great joy. “Intense synth music” it will say, in parentheses. “Eerie stinger.” The adjectives give me life. “Curious synth music” or – my favorite – “inquisitive synth music.” How do I get the job of the person who writes these captions?
  • After an episode of Stranger Things – or anything that’s intense/scary – I need to have a little mental palate cleanser. Lately, I am watching an episode of Seinfeld. I have been making my way through the whole series over the past year or so, and I’m finally at Season 9. As with most TV shows from the 90s, there are a lot of storylines that are completely cringeworthy now. But so much of it is still so, so funny. And I am constantly reminded that Julia Louis-Dreyfus is one of the great comedic actors of our time. Plus, there are countless guest stars: Aunt Becky! Lorelai Gilmore! Sarah Silverman! Luke Danes! Charlotte York! 
  • I cleaned out my Contacts list on my phone. So many names of people I haven’t talked to in years – a few I haven’t talked to in a decade. A couple of people who are no longer with us; I deleted the entry for my husband’s grandmother, but not the one for my friend. A couple of restaurants from which I used to order takeout when I traveled for a job I left in 2012. Contact info for colleagues from that job and for the job I left in 2016. The number for the psychologist I saw several years ago. Details for various car services in various cities. Phone numbers for several old babysitters. The address and number for the dear woman who took care of Carla in the infant room of her first daycare. The numbers for both daycares she attended. Names and numbers of mothers of some of Carla’s former friends. And so many many names that I no longer recognize AT ALL. Kind of makes me wonder how many phones have me listed as a contact… and how many of those phones’ owners remember me.
  • The reason I started cleaning out my Contacts List is because I was hunting for a specific number. We have a tree in our yard that is starting to overtake our driveway. The bottommost branches scrape against my husband’s car when he pulls into the garage. I think it’s time to call in a tree expert. And we HAD such a tree expert come in and remove from branches from the defunct telephone wire a couple of years ago… but for the life of me I cannot remember what his name is! There are a couple of candidates in my phone – local numbers with names I don’t recognize. But did Past Me add any helpful notes about who these people were or why I have their numbers? No, she did not. Future Me is changing her ways, though, mark my words! We did have a separate tree service come out and trim the giant oak in our backyard, so I could call them… but it took FOREVER to schedule them to come out, and I don’t particularly want to wait forever. They did do a good job, though. And seemed very knowledgeable and professional.
  • I am still thinking about the poor cashier at the party supply place. I went in before Carla’s birthday party to order a couple of balloon centerpieces. The place was fairly busy – two people waiting for their balloon orders to be fulfilled, a man in front of me in line, a handful of other people wandering the aisles. But the poor cashier was FRAZZLED. He was doing everything at five times the appropriate speed – like when I asked for a specific balloon, he dashed over to the balloon card catalog and fumbled through the cards trying to find the right balloon, then dropped the balloon on the floor. Then he asked me what other colors I wanted for the centerpiece and I told him, and he swooped over to the area where the centerpiece balloons are kept, but then he grabbed only three instead of four, and had to swoop back to get the fourth, and then he dropped one of those. When he was writing my receipt, his writing was nearly illegible and his hand seemed almost shaky. And then he forgot to give me my credit card back. And then he dropped the pen, and couldn’t get the credit card receipt out of the machine. I felt SO BAD for him. And it wasn’t like there was a big line of people forming behind me. And no one was yelling or tapping their foot impatiently. One woman did come up to him and ask if there were any staff members on the floor, and then asked him where she could find the party games, and he told her. So it seemed busy but not frantic, you know? Maybe this guy was brand new at his job, and nervous because of that? Or maybe he had too much coffee that morning? Or maybe he’d already been yelled at by his boss for being too slow? I don’t know what the deal was, but I felt terrible for him because I know that feeling. I wish there was something I could have done. I wanted to say, “No hurry, I’m not in a rush.” But that seemed condescending, or like it would call attention to his distress. In fact, I couldn’t think of anything that I could say that would soothe him, so I tried to just speak in a low, calm voice and smile in a mild and unhurried way. If he were Carla, I would have suggested that he stop and take a few deep breaths, but I resisted the urge. 
  • I made a new type of pizza sauce yesterday. It’s quite good, so I want to record the recipe somewhere (although this may be a poor place to put it) for future consultation. I put a 28-oz can of tomato puree, 1/4 cup of olive oil, and 12 large leaves of fresh basil into the blender and blended them up. Then I added 2 tablespoons of olive oil and 1 tablespoon of minced garlic to a small pot and heated them gently until the other stuff was done blending. Then I added the contents of the blender to the pot and added approximately 1/3 teaspoon of dried oregano and about 5 shakes of cayenne and stirred everything together. I heated everything through until it started to boil, then I turned the heat off. It was really quite good.
  • A while back, Wordle “reset” and ended my winning streak. It’s not like I have that impressive a streak (although I have yet to miss a single word) (because I consult my husband if I get stuck and he is AMAZING) (there have been a couple of days when I somehow forgot to do the Wordle though, which I hope we can all agree is not the same as getting one wrong), but I like seeing how many Wordles I’ve completed and how many days it’s been since I last forgot to play. (72 days, before Wordle stopped keeping track.) Now I still get the satisfaction of playing, and it still shows the breakdown of how many times I’ve gotten the answer in 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, or 6 guesses (0, 5, 19, 62, 27, and 13, respectively) but it no longer says how many times I’ve played. I am not a fan of this development.
  • Okay, I contacted the tree service that took care of our oak. Partly because they are a known entity, and partly because I can EMAIL them instead of calling. Why don’t more companies offer this option?

What’s new with you today?