“I don’t think we need a theme this year, do we?”
So mused my husband, when he and I were discussing plans for our daughter’s thirteenth birthday party. This is one of those times when I wonder if he’s ever met me. Do we know each other? Of course we need a theme. I love a theme. A theme is a balm to my control enthusiast soul. I have no power over whether people attend a party, or like the food, or enjoy themselves, but I can fucking well ensure that the décor et al revolves around a central motif.
I think I’ve already told you that my daughter expressed enthusiasm for a 90s theme. Which I suggested because her party will involve two of the nineties-est things I can think of: roller skating and a slumber party.
(Yes, yes, I know. Once again, despite my many, many qualms about sleepovers, I have caved to my daughter’s desire for a slumber party. I have no justification for this behavior.)
My recompense is that I get to lean fully into the 90s theme.
Ambiance
I think we will go super simple with the décor, and get a complete set of party supplies. Maybe do some little 90s-themed hanging swirls.
Carla is working on a 90s playlist. I am impressed by her existing repertoire of 90s music! She already knows songs from the Spice Girls, No Doubt, The Offspring, Smash Mouth, and Alanis Morissette, and there are so many fun songs we can add to the mix.
Party Favors
Kids of Carla’s age may be, I suspect, Over It when it comes to gift bags. My preference has usually been to get a single item that we give away to each partygoer – like a book or an anklet or a beach towel. I think there’s a higher chance they will use those things, while a bunch of cheap plastic stuff will end up in the garbage or cluttering up the kids’ houses (and annoying their parents).
This year, I have allowed nostalgia to override my better judgement. Carla found these delightfully tacky boombox favor boxes, and we are going to fill them with an assortment of things I remember fondly from my childhood: mini troll dolls, Koosh balls, jelly bracelets, Warheads, and ring pops. Carla also wanted to include these key rings, and why not.
My husband suggested getting every kid a Beanie Baby, which is a super fun idea. I let that plan fizzle when I realized I would have to get everyone the exact same Beanie Baby, or figure out which specific variety of Beanie Baby to get and instantly felt overwhelmed. Plus, the ones being sold today are different from the ones we had in the 90s… and I didn’t want to deal with finding “authentic/vintage” versions.
Food
Dinner will be pizza. Carla has requested lemon meringues, with cupcakes for people who don’t like meringues. (I found these darling on-theme cupcake wrappers and toppers.)
I do think that we’ll need some additional food. Listen. I could 100% buy a few bags of chips and some candy and popcorn and let the kids have at it. Probably that is what I will do.
But my let’s-make-things-more-complicated heart wants to – you guessed it – make things more complicated. This mainly derives from my feeling that cheese pizza is not an adequate dinner for a growing child. Did I eat cheese pizza at many a birthday party, let alone for many Friday night dinners, as a kid? Oh yes, so many times. Do I have any qualms whatsoever when my kid goes to a birthday party and the dinner is pizza? Not at all. Is the only reason I can’t say the same for many, many meals as an adult ONLY because I no longer eat plain cheese pizza and prefer pizza to include pepperoni? Very much yes.
Still. Allow me to fantasize about my ideal slumber party menu, okay? And we’ll agree that this won’t happen in real life, and I will lean in to the chips and popcorn thing.
My (fantasy) criteria are: 1) is something Carla likes, 2) includes protein, 3) probably won’t stain my couch/carpet, 4) is cute and/or fun, 5) is nut and dairy free.
Here are the things that fit those criteria:
If I didn’t feel quite as bad about over-sugaring the kids / wasn’t worried about ruining my furniture/house / had attendees who could all eat dairy, I would totally do a hot chocolate bar and some s’mores dip and maybe some sheet pan nachos.
We will also be feeding these teens breakfast. Breakfast is not my area of expertise, so my vote is for donuts. Why, yes, that does directly contradict all my high-and-mighty posturing about “cheese pizza not being good enough.” So perhaps we should make sheet pan pancakes and some scrambled eggs with a side of fruit instead.
Entertainment
While I am still thinking wistfully about the idea of a Taskmaster party, I have resigned myself to reserving that for a future date. After all, the kids will get to roller skate and then (hopefully, weather permitting) swim, and they can always watch movies. Nonetheless, I am of course stressing about how to keep these teens entertained while in my home. I would love to have a few ideas in my pocket, just in case they get bored. I think we can all agree: bored teens pose a danger to themselves and others.
Carla specifically wants to play a game called either “pass the parcel” or “saran ball game.” My understanding of this game is that we choose a variety of tiny prizes (lip balms, stickers, scrunchies, candy) and wrap each prize in a bunch of saran wrap. Then each kid has a set amount of time to free a prize without ripping the saran wrap before passing the parcel to the next kid. The big challenge, I think, will be choosing prizes that are simultaneously fun enough to keep the kids occupied, silly enough that someone who doesn’t get a prize doesn’t feel too upset, and inexpensive enough that I don’t need to resort to selling feet pictures to pay for the party. In the “pass the parcel” version of this game, or so Carla informs me, there is a Big Prize in the very center of the layers of wrapping; she does not want that, because it feels unfair. But it also seems as though there’s no guarantee that a person will get a prize during their turn anyway, so I’m not sure how “fair” the game is. In any case, it might be fun to have a couple of slightly higher-end prizes in the sticker/scrunchie mix – perhaps a World’s Smallest Care Bear or Slinky??? Or maybe a gift card to an ice cream shop or Five Below?
I also think that having a photo scavenger hunt could be potentially fun. (This is a leftover from my Taskmaster fantasizing.) But maybe that can be a spur-of-the-moment option that I can offer if the kids are bored by everything else. Don’t worry; I will overthink it into oblivion just in case.
As I mentioned earlier, movies are a great, classic option for keeping the kids busy, too. I do tend to fret about WHICH movies they will want to watch. Carla’s friends occupy both ends of the “I’ve seen everything up and including Squid Games” and “I still mainly watch Disney movies” spectrum, so I feel a little uneasy about leaving the choice to them. Carla and I had a little chat about it, and she thinks that she can guide the options a bit, so that no one is going to be forced into watching, like, Midsommar or, I don’t know, Eyes Wide Shut.
Since I am, as stated, obsessed with a theme, I of course would vote for 90s classics. Clueless and Don’t Tell Mom the Babysitter’s Dead and Ace Ventura: Pet Detective. Of course, most of the 90s classics I think of as fun and harmless have aged poorly, I’m looking at you Austin Powers.
Here is the point at which you kindly, gently overlook my latest birthday party related bout of insanity, and instead tell me:
- What are the best slumber party foods?
- Which 90s songs MUST go on the playlist?
- Which 90s movies MUST the teens watch?
- What are the best slumber party games?
- What am I forgetting, besides the undeniable fact that the teens will do whatever they want and I really have no say at all?