“I don’t think we need a theme this year, do we?”
So mused my husband, when he and I were discussing plans for our daughter’s thirteenth birthday party. This is one of those times when I wonder if he’s ever met me. Do we know each other? Of course we need a theme. I love a theme. A theme is a balm to my control enthusiast soul. I have no power over whether people attend a party, or like the food, or enjoy themselves, but I can fucking well ensure that the décor et al revolves around a central motif.
I think I’ve already told you that my daughter expressed enthusiasm for a 90s theme. Which I suggested because her party will involve two of the nineties-est things I can think of: roller skating and a slumber party.
(Yes, yes, I know. Once again, despite my many, many qualms about sleepovers, I have caved to my daughter’s desire for a slumber party. I have no justification for this behavior.)
My recompense is that I get to lean fully into the 90s theme.
Ambiance
I think we will go super simple with the décor, and get a complete set of party supplies. Maybe do some little 90s-themed hanging swirls.
Carla is working on a 90s playlist. I am impressed by her existing repertoire of 90s music! She already knows songs from the Spice Girls, No Doubt, The Offspring, Smash Mouth, and Alanis Morissette, and there are so many fun songs we can add to the mix.
Party Favors
Kids of Carla’s age may be, I suspect, Over It when it comes to gift bags. My preference has usually been to get a single item that we give away to each partygoer – like a book or an anklet or a beach towel. I think there’s a higher chance they will use those things, while a bunch of cheap plastic stuff will end up in the garbage or cluttering up the kids’ houses (and annoying their parents).
This year, I have allowed nostalgia to override my better judgement. Carla found these delightfully tacky boombox favor boxes, and we are going to fill them with an assortment of things I remember fondly from my childhood: mini troll dolls, Koosh balls, jelly bracelets, Warheads, and ring pops. Carla also wanted to include these key rings, and why not.
My husband suggested getting every kid a Beanie Baby, which is a super fun idea. I let that plan fizzle when I realized I would have to get everyone the exact same Beanie Baby, or figure out which specific variety of Beanie Baby to get and instantly felt overwhelmed. Plus, the ones being sold today are different from the ones we had in the 90s… and I didn’t want to deal with finding “authentic/vintage” versions.
Food
Dinner will be pizza. Carla has requested lemon meringues, with cupcakes for people who don’t like meringues. (I found these darling on-theme cupcake wrappers and toppers.)
I do think that we’ll need some additional food. Listen. I could 100% buy a few bags of chips and some candy and popcorn and let the kids have at it. Probably that is what I will do.
But my let’s-make-things-more-complicated heart wants to – you guessed it – make things more complicated. This mainly derives from my feeling that cheese pizza is not an adequate dinner for a growing child. Did I eat cheese pizza at many a birthday party, let alone for many Friday night dinners, as a kid? Oh yes, so many times. Do I have any qualms whatsoever when my kid goes to a birthday party and the dinner is pizza? Not at all. Is the only reason I can’t say the same for many, many meals as an adult ONLY because I no longer eat plain cheese pizza and prefer pizza to include pepperoni? Very much yes.
Still. Allow me to fantasize about my ideal slumber party menu, okay? And we’ll agree that this won’t happen in real life, and I will lean in to the chips and popcorn thing.
My (fantasy) criteria are: 1) is something Carla likes, 2) includes protein, 3) probably won’t stain my couch/carpet, 4) is cute and/or fun, 5) is nut and dairy free.
Here are the things that fit those criteria:
If I didn’t feel quite as bad about over-sugaring the kids / wasn’t worried about ruining my furniture/house / had attendees who could all eat dairy, I would totally do a hot chocolate bar and some s’mores dip and maybe some sheet pan nachos.
We will also be feeding these teens breakfast. Breakfast is not my area of expertise, so my vote is for donuts. Why, yes, that does directly contradict all my high-and-mighty posturing about “cheese pizza not being good enough.” So perhaps we should make sheet pan pancakes and some scrambled eggs with a side of fruit instead.
Entertainment
While I am still thinking wistfully about the idea of a Taskmaster party, I have resigned myself to reserving that for a future date. After all, the kids will get to roller skate and then (hopefully, weather permitting) swim, and they can always watch movies. Nonetheless, I am of course stressing about how to keep these teens entertained while in my home. I would love to have a few ideas in my pocket, just in case they get bored. I think we can all agree: bored teens pose a danger to themselves and others.
Carla specifically wants to play a game called either “pass the parcel” or “saran ball game.” My understanding of this game is that we choose a variety of tiny prizes (lip balms, stickers, scrunchies, candy) and wrap each prize in a bunch of saran wrap. Then each kid has a set amount of time to free a prize without ripping the saran wrap before passing the parcel to the next kid. The big challenge, I think, will be choosing prizes that are simultaneously fun enough to keep the kids occupied, silly enough that someone who doesn’t get a prize doesn’t feel too upset, and inexpensive enough that I don’t need to resort to selling feet pictures to pay for the party. In the “pass the parcel” version of this game, or so Carla informs me, there is a Big Prize in the very center of the layers of wrapping; she does not want that, because it feels unfair. But it also seems as though there’s no guarantee that a person will get a prize during their turn anyway, so I’m not sure how “fair” the game is. In any case, it might be fun to have a couple of slightly higher-end prizes in the sticker/scrunchie mix – perhaps a World’s Smallest Care Bear or Slinky??? Or maybe a gift card to an ice cream shop or Five Below?
I also think that having a photo scavenger hunt could be potentially fun. (This is a leftover from my Taskmaster fantasizing.) But maybe that can be a spur-of-the-moment option that I can offer if the kids are bored by everything else. Don’t worry; I will overthink it into oblivion just in case.
As I mentioned earlier, movies are a great, classic option for keeping the kids busy, too. I do tend to fret about WHICH movies they will want to watch. Carla’s friends occupy both ends of the “I’ve seen everything up and including Squid Games” and “I still mainly watch Disney movies” spectrum, so I feel a little uneasy about leaving the choice to them. Carla and I had a little chat about it, and she thinks that she can guide the options a bit, so that no one is going to be forced into watching, like, Midsommar or, I don’t know, Eyes Wide Shut.
Since I am, as stated, obsessed with a theme, I of course would vote for 90s classics. Clueless and Don’t Tell Mom the Babysitter’s Dead and Ace Ventura: Pet Detective. Of course, most of the 90s classics I think of as fun and harmless have aged poorly, I’m looking at you Austin Powers.
Here is the point at which you kindly, gently overlook my latest birthday party related bout of insanity, and instead tell me:
- What are the best slumber party foods?
- Which 90s songs MUST go on the playlist?
- Which 90s movies MUST the teens watch?
- What are the best slumber party games?
- What am I forgetting, besides the undeniable fact that the teens will do whatever they want and I really have no say at all?
Cutest theme!!
So fun, right?!
I vote for fruit kebabs (leftovers can be served in fruit salad form with breakfast) and Mrs. Doubtfire!
I do love the idea of fruit kebabs. And my kid hasn’t seen Mrs. Doubtfire, so maybe it would appeal!
I’m jealous, I don’t get to theme parties anymore in my house. My oldest is very into the 90s and recently shared that Sinead O’Connor’s cover of Nirvana’s All Apologies is even better than the original, and gets you two 90s artists for one. She also recently had a sleepover and the film they watched was Run Lola Run, which maybe is a too niche. Another program she is into is the early seasons of Buffy the Vampire Slayer, which I think is 90s? For food, I always supply a giant batch of stove popped popcorn, which I can make salty but not too salty, and is a whole food, so I feel less guilty. Have fun!
Ooooh thanks for the hot tip about the Sinead/Nirvana crossover!
Buffy the Vampire Slayer is a show I never saw, but I feel like my kid would enjoy it! That’s a fun idea!
Now I want popcorn. 🙂 YUM.
I also never watched Buffy, so I sat in on a few episodes. There is some content that deals with mature themes, but it was the 90s, and so less explicit than things these days seem to be. Also less scary, the makeup for monsters is a little clunky.
Oooh that is a GREAT playlist already! 90s theme is so very fun, and I love all these ideas. I definitely vote for Clueless as a movie, as opposed to Eyes Wide Shut! Ha!
Austin Powers has NOT aged well BUT I will say one of the funniest scenes is the group therapy with Dr Evil and his son whose name I cannot recall. “an evil petting zoo?” “no, Dad, you always do that!”
I feel like roller skating, a pool, and then movies are plenty to keep the kids entertained but passing the parcel DOES sound like a good time!
Lol — that is a hilarious scene. My favorite Seth Green role for sure.
To be fair, there are so many hilarious and quotable moments from Austin Powers! I will always think of it fondly. But there are also so many fat jokes, and a lot of misogyny disguised as humor and a lot of poop stuff. The humor (luckily??) doesn’t hit the same with my kid.
How fun! My kids didn’t want themed parties past 11 or so, it’s great that she still does. I think Clueless is a good movie choice. Bagels (with different spreads) and fruit are a good post-sleepover breakfast.
BAGELS. That is a genius idea, Steph!
Yeah yeah the sleepover means a night of limited sleep but it makes her happy and it’s not exactly the worst thing in the world. I want to come to the party just for the playlist! And the party favors! Actually, this sounds like a pretty dope adult party.
I’m a huge fan of pizza for both kid and adult parties, with a huge side of chips and desserts. It’s easy for the host, and everyone likes it. As long as there is either a vegetable or a piece of fruit somewhere on the premises, you’ve met everyone’s nutritional needs.
90s movies…what about Wayne’s World? The boys really liked it (as in they stayed with us and watched the entire thing which is pretty rare for family movies).
Hmmm…. Wayne’s World sounds like a great idea!
And now I wonder if I can get away with adding Bohemian Rhapsody to the playlist… IT’s not from the 90s, but the first time I heard it was in Wayne’s World…
Ace Ventura: Pet Detective has also aged very, very poorly. Like Austin Powers, there are some very funny bits and Jim Carrey’s physical comedy is great but the over the top transphobic parts make it a big no go from me.
How had I forgotten the transphobic stuff, my god, that is like the main storyline. ARGH. Crossing that off the list.
You put more thought into a single birthday party than I have to the sum of all birthday parties that I’ve hosted for my children. LOL. My leftbrainedness (yes I’m making that a word) is showing. I refuse to do party favors because I want to try to get people to stop giving them out. But that makes me a not very fun mom… I think you have an excellent plan between skating + pass the parcel (we did an adult version of this for my parents 50th anniversary gathering with little bottles of liquor/candy/etc – it was fun!) + the slumber party. I think fruit + bagel or fruit + donuts is great for breakfast. I think nutritional concerns go out the door for parties and the main concern is serving food that the majority of kids will eat/like, which means the nutritional content will be poor but it’s one day out of 365 so that’s ok.
This is not a 90s movie and I am not sure if it’s appropriate for Carla and her friends, but 13 going on 30 would be a fun movie since she’s turning 13?
An adult version of pass the parcel! That sounds so fun!
I think you are a VERY fun mom (case in point: goose house, swimming, library trips, snow play, lake trips, ALL the other ways you have fun with your boys), and I generally feel dumb for overthinking a single-day event. Fun does not have to be elaborate, lol, but I can never seem to live that lesson.
13 Going on 30 is such a great movie! I wonder if the kids would enjoy it?
wow what a party!! This is very impressive. I now feel very inadequate about the parties my kids had many years ago
This is a one-time thing, Pat — a “special” party to commemorate her becoming a teen!
My older daughter’s ’80s themed 40th birthday party was SO MUCH FUN. Her own boys have birthday themes (snakes, reptiles and bugs this year for the 6 year old); one year the younger one’s theme was Happy Birthday because he was obsessed with the song. (even when it wasn’t his birthday) I vote for the least messy snacks, cheese pizza, an innocuous ’90s movie (was there such a thing?) I think of pretzel bites being a little bit healthy? It’s going to be a great party, and everyone will have a fantastic time. They won’t notice what’s not there, only all the goodies that are.
Love the theme and all your ideas for execution… Carla’s going to have such a fun 13th birthday party! No notes, you have it all under control.
I’m going to do the saranwrap game (except will be using cloth napkins and rubber bands) with multiple small prizes in the layers instead of one central one.
I have a just 12 year old and I am executing a summer of oldie but goodie movies with him. We just watched Drop Dead Gorgeous which came out in 1999 and is still one of my favourite movies ever! He also enjoyed it and thanked me for suggesting it 😊
There is a character that is referred to as a retard in a few scenes, so we had to have a chat about that; but otherwise I’d say it’s all good.
Ah!
We also loved the 90’s Addams Family and Addams Family Values movies. They have aged amazingly well and stand up to repeated rewatching.
My kid and I quote from Addams Family Values in particular at least once a week!
You are considering great options and I think it will be a wonderful party!
I don’t know answers to any of your questions but I am guessing that your instincts are spot on about not doing a hot chocolate bar. I can’t imagine anything messier.
We did a photo scavenger hunt at my youngest daughter’s 14th birthday – it was just 4 kids. They found the things on the list, and I took the photos. Very low key and they really enjoyed it. I did prepare the list ahead of time, but I imagine you could even do it in the spur of the moment, depending how many kids there are.
I absolutely adore how much thought you put into Carla’s party every year! I think you might be overthinking it too much regarding the games. At that age, as I recall, they would rather gossip/talk about boys and maybe play Bloody Mary or that game where they try to levitate on another (what WAS that called)?
Dang I’m dripping sweat at a swim meet and I hit the wrong button- my lengthy comment disappeared.
this post cracked me up. The balm to your control alignment is a hoot. I would rather sew 15 unique Halloween costumes without a pattern while blindfolded than host a kid bday party . . . With themes and sleepover components. I do salute you for the useable item vs the goody bag junk. I’ve tossed my fair share of handheld mini pinball machines.
how about pizza casserole for dinner? Same as spaghetti pie. I’ve not met a kid who didn’t like it. This would stain carpet, but maybe dinner in the kitchen and snacks in the basement or wherever.
I was gonna recommend Dirty Rotten Scoundrels, becuase I bet they haven’t seen it. But- alas, it’s 1988. Not quite on par with a 1990s theme.
god speed in this endeavor. Looking forward to the end result. Good luck!
Look, we used to do pizza or fish sticks with chips or oven French fries for sleepovers. Can you tell I used to do sleepovers on Fridays and all my friends were Catholic? We even HAD TO MAKE OUR OWN FISH STICKS AND FRIES.
I need your playlist to have “No Scrubs” on it. I NEED THIS.
Eh. They can come up with their own games. (I obviously would be the parents who threw the kids in the basement and ignored them until their parents picked them up. )
It sounds like you have things under control, and there were some great suggestions in the comments. Popcorn! Bagels! Clueless! What a great playlist! It all sounds like so much fun.
It’s a whole lot harder to have a birthday party now, isn’t it? Someone is always allergic to something! But you have some good snacks and treats lined up for them. (For some reason, I thought Carla’s birthday had passed — now I bet you’ll be glad when it’s all done!)
It’ll be fine. And everyone will have a wonderful time.
Honestly- I think you’ve got this. There’s plenty of entertainment, you’re got a theme, and lots of great food ideas. This could be the nest birthday party ever! i hope we get a recap of the event.