We are doing a sleepover for Carla’s birthday this year. After all of my fretting over the guest list, we settled on a compromise: inviting a slightly larger number of people than I’m comfortable with, including the kids who’d invited Carla to their parties, and giving people the option to choose whether they are staying overnight or not. (So far, it’s about half and half.) I feel good about this; Carla seems to feel good about this. I am resigned to not sleeping, or at least sleeping very poorly. The one thing I have left to figure out is if and how and when to clarify that this is a no-screens party. (By “no screens” I mean nothing besides the basement TV and sanctioned Disney/Netflix movies.) 

On the “if” side, I am leaning pretty heavily toward yes. There are so many things for kids to do that don’t involve screens, and yet we allllllll get pulled into our phones. Even those of us with fully formed frontal cortexes (cortices?). Judgment is not great among many pre-teens, my kid included, and whatever modicum of judgment does exist seems to fall asleep around ten pm even if the kid remains awake, and also group judgment is always less than the sum of its parts. I’ve read too many horror stories and cautionary tales and heard too many warnings from other parents and therapists to feel comfortable with letting a smartphone run wild in my house overnight. I do realize this is controversial. If your kid has a smartphone, it’s likely in part because you feel like your kid is mature enough to manage a smartphone. And yet… when there’s a group of kids, it seems all too easy for group chats or TikTok scrolling to come into play and making poor choices is so very easy when you are twelve and surrounded by giggling overtired twelve year-olds.  

So: No screens. How and when do I share this information? I feel like it’s important to do so up front; some parents whose kids have cellphones expect the phones to be available if they need to contact them. But there may also be value in simply saying to the kids as they come in, “Please stow your cellphones here for the rest of the party. If you need to contact your parents for any reason, let me know and I’ll make your phone available for you to call them in private.” If I tell parents up front, maybe they wouldn’t even send their kid with a phone. And if I tell kids on the spot, they might simply pretend they don’t have a phone on them. If you’ve had experience with this, on either side of the phone-haver/phone-confiscater side, I’d love to hear your thoughts. 

Why am I hosting a sleepover party again?????

Let’s fret about more frivolous aspects of the party planning.

Theme and Decor

Carla requested a water theme for her party this year. Finding décor and coming up with favor ideas was slightly tricky (do I give everyone a water bottle in a favor bag? a LifeStraw? is everything just… blue?) so I went back to her and she conceded to including some delicate nods to “ocean” and even “beach” if necessary. Much easier. (Although last year’s theme was Beach, so we don’t want to replicate it too completely.)

I found some ocean-water themed plates/cups/tablecloths and matching goodie bags. For favors, I’ll give the kids each a little seashell bracelet and this mini starfish “hug.” Maybe some seashell stickers, too. 

Cake

Carla requested multi-colored vanilla cupcakes with cream cheese buttercream. She and I settled on this inspiration for the decoration and I ordered some edible seashells to put on top. Although I’m sure I can find a way to screw them up, they seem relatively simple.

Treasure Hunt (Again)

Last year, I made an epic treasure hunt for the birthday party. It was a ton of work but it was a lot of fun, and Carla has asked if I’ll do another one this year. Spend hours on a project that will be appreciated by fewer than ten people for approximately thirty minutes if I’m lucky? SURE. 

I’m all set on the clues for things inside the house, but I’m trying to come up with some outdoor clues. (My goal is to make the kids go up and down the stairs a million times, and run around the neighborhood a million times, in order to tire them out so they SLEEP.) I may even ask a neighbor or two if I can put a clue in their mailboxes. Ideas are WELCOME. Although if your idea is to look online, I have already done that; the pickins’ are slim.

I’m also looking for ideas for the prize. Last year, based on feedback from my lovely and brilliant commenters, the prize was $5 Starbucks gift cards. (There were three teams, but the teams all had to work together to solve the final puzzle and find the prize.) This year, I would like to switch it up but also keep it to $5 or under. For marital harmony. 

Okay, after searching the internet, I feel like a gift card is the way to go. If I don’t do Starbucks, what should I do? Local ice cream place? Local donut shop? Claire’s? Five bucks doesn’t go very far at many places. 

Logistics

Is this all I’m fretting about? Well, I am fretting quite a bit about logistics: cupcake baking and decorating, decorating decorating, driving Carla to and from camp, getting home in time for guests to arrive, somehow getting the fast food Carla requested to our house, accomplishing treasure hunt, eating, swimming, and movie in a relatively short period of time, getting children to SLEEP, and then getting these same non-sleeping children AWAKE and through breakfast in time for their parents to pick them up. Well. It’s best not to think too hard about SOME things, lest one finds oneself hyperventilating into a sock whilst curled into the fetal position under a bed.