I am in a waiting room at the car place while my vehicle undergoes repairs for yet another recall. In fact, this is a re-recall because I already had this particular issue addressed a couple of years ago. Or, not addressed, apparently.
There is one other woman-presenting person in the waiting room with me. She just consented to a $160 tire alignment. I am 95% sure that the service member who came to speak with her referred to her as Suzanne, and the service person who checked me in already told me my car’s alignment failed. What are the chances that two Suzannes would both have failed tire alignments at the exact same time?!
It’s been kind of a rough start to the school year. Or maybe not rough so much as nonstop busy? None of it is BAD stuff; it’s all stuff that we’ve done or chosen on purpose. Well, except for the leak in our pool. No one wants that. I think it’s like this every year, and I simply block out the memory of the frenetic bustle of it all during the relative calm of the summer months. Annual or not, I currently feel like I’ve jumped into the middle of an ice-cold lake and I’m not that strong a swimmer.
What I really want to be doing is spending my days walking, writing, and hanging out with my cat. That sounds like my ideal level of interpersonal interaction right about now.
In practice, I’ve been spending an average of two hours a day in a school gymnasium, making conversation with other parents, cheering for our kids, and trying to stave off butt and back pain from the relentless discomfort of the bleachers. (This little purchase has helped quite a bit with the latter.) Or rushing to/waiting around my house to discuss various home maintenance and repair and improvement projects with a parade of vendors. Or scrolling aimlessly on my phone in an attempt to stay awake while my daughter finishes her homework (she hasn’t gone to bed before eleven a single time this school year). Or driving to or from school and/or sporting events. Or working on a volunteer project, which involves both in-person meetings and a group chat. I remain terrified of group chats.
This is all, like, totally normal parent and life stuff and yet I am feeling overwhelmed and overextended and wholly unsuited to any of it.
Let’s just hope this is all an ADJUSTMENT period, to which I will ADJUST. My kiddo, by the way – who is the one DOING THE SPORTS AND HOMEWORK which is quite a bit more strenuous than observing those things – seems to be handling everything with much more grace and much less whining than I am.
On the plus side, I have not cooked a single meal all week. On the minus side, I did buy ingredients to make a giant salad several days ago and I am pretty sure they are all gradually rotting into inedibility in my fridge.
There are five of us in the waiting room now. One of the staff members has chosen this very moment to vacuum the floor of the waiting room. Why now, buddy? It’s not like someone just spilled a bag of chip crumbs or anything. The floor looks perfectly clean. Is this a conscientious objection to the inanity of Jenna & Sheinelle, which I didn’t know was a show? Is it passive aggressive proof to his manager that he is Doing His Job? Puzzling.
Those of you with better memories and/or experience with middle school and high school kids, is this just… How Things Are? Carla goes to school, goes to sports, scarfs a quick and less-nutritionally-balanced-than-I’d-prefer dinner, immerses herself in homework, goes to bed, repeat. There is literally no time to do anything else. She doesn’t have a spare ten minutes to tidy her room or practice her instrument or go visit the neighbor dogs. The only time we talk is in the car or over a hasty meal of fast-food nuggets. We’ve been sacrificing a traditional breakfast in favor of a few more minutes of sleep, and she’s been eating ants on a log or drinking a smoothie in the car on the way to school. Our only “non productive” time is the five minutes of cat videos we watch together every morning, and the ten minutes I spend reading to her in bed every night.
(By the way, I am currently reading her this book, which I remember liking when I was a kid, although not enough to read any of the other books in the series. But I am finding it boring and kind of dumb???)
My husband thinks that it was like this for him when he was in school. My mom thinks it was like this for me when I was in school. But I have no recollection of doing three to five hours of schoolwork every night. Maybe in college, but even then, only when I had a paper due the next day. Three to five hours of schoolwork seems BONKERS, let alone doing it on top of two to three hours of Sports.
I keep spiraling about Carla’s commitments. The spiral starts with: This is too much! This school isn’t right for Carla! Something must be wrong, either with the teachers or with Carla’s ability to do the work! Should I email the teachers? The principal? Should I encourage Carla to email the teachers? The principal? Should I make her quit Sports?
Then eventually (sometimes with help from my much chiller husband) the spiral makes its way around to this: But Carla seems to be doing okay. She’s tired, sure, but isn’t that true of ALL teenagers, EVERYWHERE? The other parents I’ve talked to say their kids are doing similar amounts of homework, and going to bed similarly late. And none of them are pulling their kids out of school or making them quit the team or marching into the principal’s office demanding Action. And Carla really seems to enjoy Sports! She’s getting better, she seems to be making a positive contribution to the team. The physical activity is certainly good for her. As is the social interaction. She seems to be completing her homework, even if it’s late when she finishes it. Her grades are fine, so far. And her own father says that this is How It Was even back in the golden era of the nineteen-nineties.
The calm doesn’t last particularly long, though. It doesn’t help that I am also getting less sleep than I prefer, and I’m much busier than I prefer. Maybe once those things resolve (will they resolve?) I will be more zen about Carla’s level of busyness.
Speaking of being more zen: The last time I posted here, which was eons and eons ago, I mentioned my fret about feeding the sports team. THANK YOU for pointing out that doing such a thing is inadvisable. I spent the first three weeks of school not signing up, and simply taking Carla some nourishment to eat between games. She eats WRAPS now, can you believe it? Ham, tomato, and lettuce. (I wrap the tomato and lettuce in the ham, so they don’t soggify the tortilla.) (Yes, we have decided to throw caution to the wind and get back on the lettuce train.) Other parents have been signing up to provide sustenance, and I have been observing what they bring. They are not bringing dinner, they are bringing SNACKS. I can totally bring snacks for the team. That’s much less daunting than providing an entire meal. Thanks for talking me down, internet.
And there’s the service guy who checked me in. My car is done, and so is this post.
I did not have much homework in HS but I went to school in a rural town with no AP or honors types of classes. I had some homework senior year for the college calc class I took an hour before school started over something called ITV. But I was very busy between things like drama, speech, music, and teaching piano lessons (which I did starting junior year). I remember going to be pretty late and I also remember drinking Mountain Dew at night which was a terrible decision but there was a fridge in our basement with soda so my parents didn’t really know I was slamming Mountain Dew at 9pm.
I was not in sports but I was a statistician so went to all the girls and boys basketball games + football games. But not having sports practices cut out a lot of hours of commitments. But I think it prepared me for college where I was academically challenged and had 2-3 jobs.
We have decided as a couple that we will not do club sports or traveling sports. This is a you do you decision. Our lives are not set up to support that kind of participation with our intense jobs and all the travel I do. Plus…. Our kids have 1/2 my DNA so no one is going to be like a superstar athlete. But Paul hasn’t minded this even though he has a couple of friends that are on traveling teams. He’s happy with the rec sports he’s participated in.
Hang in there. It’s always tough to readjust to an intense schedule, plus you have a lengthy drive to school! Ours go to a community school that is < 1 mile away (which we love but again don’t have the time to explore other options because of the constraints on our time/the hours both parents work). So basically, our career commitments limit the options for our kids and we are accepting those limitations. But I turned out fine even though I went to a crappy K-12 rural school with no AP/honors, etc so I take the ‘the kids will be alright’ approach to all of this and repeat that to myself when I stress out about whether we have made the right decisions. Mantras can be sooo helpful!
I don’t remember being that busy during middle/high school; but then again, I didn’t do any extracurricular activities or sports. I don’t recall homework taking that long either. But then, because I came straight home, I just did the work and other than math, most of the subjects were easy for me.
I remember really enjoying The Lion, The Witch and the Wardrobe when I was about Carla’s age. But I have a strong feeling that if I were to read it now, I’d probably have the same reaction to it as you.
ZOMG that sounds busy. No wonder you are feeling overwhelmed and overextended! I don’t remember 3-5 hours of homework, but then again, my boys were only in karate and that was like two nights a week for an hour or something. So maybe that did happen? I don’t remember it happening. But let’s pop the bubbly about eating wraps, THAT IS SUCH GREAT NEWS!!! Such a good way to get nutrition in a HANDHELD AND EASY WAY.
I just thought about when I was in high school, I wasn’t in sports but I was in all the school plays, so there must have been times that I would have eaten, like, a sandwich for dinner at school between rehearsals. But again, my memory is fuzzy.
FUZZY LIKE LENNY.
Real talk: I always hated the Lion, Witch, Wardrobe. I remember having to read it for school and absolutely loathing it. Why? I CANNOT REMEMBER. Wow, my memory is really not serving me well today.
My kids graduated from high school recently, and I never remember a sports practice in middle school (after which they quit) which was every day of the week. Is that really necessary? It does sound wearing. We did two days a week and a game on Saturday or Sunday at most. But, they weren’t particularly good at sports! There was a lot of homework in both middle school and high school, but 3-5 hours per night, every night?! That is really a lot, unless there is a major project due the next day. That really shouldn’t be a regular thing.
Dunno what you can do about this–emailing teachers was never really successful for me. But it does sound overwhelming. When does the sports season end?
good luck!
It does seem like kids are very busy these days! When I was in school, back in the olden days, we had “study hall”, and I got most of my homework done then. I loved study hall! A teacher monitored it, and everyone had to be quiet. What could be better?
I am completely unfamiliar with three to five hours of homework per night in high school. The only thing that keeps me from panicking and freaking out is that you say her peers’ parents claim it’s the same for their kids. So maybe this is just a MUCH more academic high school than mine was, or than my kids’ was.
What IS it with vacuuming waiting rooms when people are waiting? I’ve seen that too and it’s very annoying. And I so get what you mean about wanting to just read and hang with the cat. You can talk to them and vent and they take no offense! That school thing baffles me. That just feels like too much. I think kids push themselves too hard these days. Sports are great, but they are hard on the whole family schedule. I did drama and music and my parents got to skate till show time, which was two or three times a year in high school. Maybe four. don’t see how you manage, I really don’t. So hat’s off to you!
Please be gentle with yourself and get those Lenny moments any time you can!
I can’t remember, is Carla in middle school, or high school? 3 to 5 hours of homework a night for middle school seems like a lot, but it feels pretty standard for high school. I remember college being easier than HS in that regard, probably because we took fewer classes and they didn’t meet every day.
At what point will you decide to go to bed rather than staying up while she works on her homework? That would mean the end of reading together in bed, which would be a sadness, especially as you have so little time to really connect with her busy schedule. I don’t remember ever staying up because my daughter was doing homework, though her nighttime shower did always wake me up. I’m sure I did stay up when she was in middle school, maybe Freshman year of HS, but after that no. But she graduated HS in 2014, so my memory is faulty.
YAY for wraps! Getting nutrition in such a handy way! I’m sorry you had to spend time getting work done on the car, but I’m glad that you made such good use of the time and that we benefited from it. I wonder if that other woman’s name was Suzanne? Maybe she got an alignment she didn’t need?
I didn’t have as much work as that in middle school. She’s in middle school, right? Then we moved to a more competitive school district. In high school I had about that much homework (4 hours a night on average). I found college easier than high school, even at a rigorous school, because you’re in class for fewer hours and there’s time to get all the homework done.
My kids had very different experiences in the same school district. Eldest was in magnets from 4th through 12th and had even more homework than I did, especially from 7th grade on. We frequently just made him go to bed with the work unfinished.
Youngest was on the regular track with some honors and AP classes and had much less work than either their brother or me in high school. Part of this was covid in 9th grade making schooling minimal and their being out of school for much of 11th grade for medical reasons. (It astonished me how much work you can miss and just have excused.) Then in 12th grade they had a reduced schedule, also for medical reasons.
I often wished they both had an experience somewhere in between. More leisure for him, more challenge for them, but like me he had an easier time in college and they are doing well academically in college, so it all worked out. (And I can’t say my youngest lacked for challenges outside the classroom.)
I’m so relieved that the after school food supply thing has evolved into more of a snack vs a meal. That makes more sense. Yes, what you describe – sports, grab food, off to do homework . . . that sounds exactly like what our experience was. Our kids were very involved in sports and at times (esp in high school) it was frustrating that varsity coaches insisted kids attend the JV games. While this sounds like a nice way to support the team, it means that kids with AP classes or kids with lots of homework or tests, etc. have almost no time to work on their academics. It seemed not to support the well rounded student.
We just got another recall notice for our Honda minivan. Huh? We just did this. I’m cracking up at the extra Suzanne in the waiting room. The last time I took a car and waited, I was delighted that there was a long table with places to recharge and plug in and internet access. It seemed like it was a step up in serving the customer’s needs. If only the woman next to me hadn’t opted to conduce a Teams Meeting while at the communal table. What even? Read the room, we don’t all need to hear about the inner workings of your work life.
Would you believe that I also recently had a $160 tire rotation on my car?
Kidding. It wasn’t me.
The school-sports-inhaling food-homework forever is normal. I remember this with both of my girls and as a mom, I was exhausted with worry that it was exhausting to them, while it seemed to only exhaust me. She will be fine. She can do this, you can do this.
But also, I understand just wanting to snuggle with your very attractive cat and do nothing else.
Snacks are definitely the way to go! I don’t think a meal would work that well either. My older daughter did dance and art and my younger one gymnastics and music. They were also not home much and when they were, they were doing homework, and eating. I didn’t want it that way but they were pursuing what they loved and the homework was required in the AP classes they chose to take.
We were definitely that busy in middle school, yes. We had one night a week in 6-7th grades where we had basketball right after school, then an hour break (we went to the closest fast-food place to eat), and then choir practice back at the school. Sometimes we even went from there to gymnastics! It was crazy and I don’t know why I allowed it. But the kid in question absolutely (somehow) thrived. And it was good preparation for her similar high school schedule, and now for college.
Both of mine also stayed up super-late doing homework. (I went to bed!) I wasn’t sure if they were REALLY doing homework the whole time, or if they were distracted with messaging their friends/scrolling (probably), and so it took longer, but it was fine in the end.
Prioritize your sleep, is my advice.
My daughter definitely has never done 3-5 hours a night of homework. But that doesn’t mean it’s not assigned, necessarily- just that she’s not doing it. I think you’re still talking about middle school, and that seems like way too much. I would be annoyed about it if I were you- but on the other hand, Carla seems to be fine with it so I wouldn’t worry for now.
Ah, C.S. Lewis. I read the entire series when I was younger, but I didn’t really love it. I’m not sure why I actually read the whole thing! I just set down my antipathy to the fact that I didn’t like fantasy back then. But now I’m wondering if the books are just kind of boring??? My son is about to read them for the first time, so I’ll check in with him and let you know what he thinks.
Oh and one more thing- I always go to bed before Angie. I can’t remember if we did it that way in middle school??? But teenagers really like staying up late, so eventually you’ll probably get to that point!
I was NOT a busy kid, and I preferred it that way. I usually didn’t do extracurriculars but if I did, it was one and only 1-2 nights a week and then on Saturdays. I did not spend hours doing homework, maybe an hour at most? I was the kid who would come home from school, do my homework first, and then lounge around the rest of the night haha.
It all sounds so busy to me, but I don’t think it’s out of the norm, especially for a kid who is enjoying the extracurriculars! I was just NOT the kid who enjoyed being busy (and surprise, I’m the same way as an adult).
When you said that what you really want to do is spend your days walking, writing, and hanging out with your cat, I thought, YES. Replace the cat with my dogs, birds, and coffee, and you’ve pretty much described my ideal life. 😂
Also, three to five hours of homework a night sounds absolutely bananas to me. I would be exhausted just watching her do it. But it really does sound like Carla is handling all of this much better than I would!