My husband and daughter are absolutely mortified by my habit of interacting with babies and small children in public.
My position: Reacting enthusiastically to our youngest members of society is a key part of the social contract.
Their position: It’s weird and creepy.
To be very, extremely, crystal clear: I’m not approaching strange children. I’m talking about being in the cereal aisle at the grocery store, and a baby in the shopping cart a few yards away waves or babbles at me. Or standing in line at the bank or the airport, and a toddler makes eye contact and smiles.
I will 100% always smile or wave back.
On occasion, I have been known to talk to a baby. Like, if they proffer a toy they are holding, I might say, “Oh, that’s a beautiful duck.” Or if they say, “Hi!” or “Bye!” I will respond in kind. I stop short of asking children their names.
I do respect distance; I’m not getting up in a stranger’s personal space, no matter how small that person is. I’m not going to tickle a bare foot or pat a child on the head. That is a bridge too far. But waving and smiling and even playing peek-a-boo all seem reasonable to me.
Trying to think back to when Carla was small, I think it would have hurt my feelings if she tried to participate in social behavior with a stranger and they ignored her. I thought she was darling, and I was proud that she felt confident enough to interact with other humans, and I would have loved it if adults had responded to her bids for engagement. I did not (and do not) love it when strangers ask Carla her name, or where she lives or goes to school, although these are good opportunities for us to discuss what kind of information is okay to share with strangers and how to respond politely and truthfully without giving away too many personal details. (Also, most of the time, these questions seem very innocent and friendly, with no ill intent from the asker.)
I do understand that the calculus of what’s appropriate or not might be different for men than it is for middle-aged women. Although I still think, like, making silly faces at a baby over the back of an airplane seat is a totally acceptable way to interact with a young human.
However, I am willing to acknowledge that I may have wildly misunderstood the assignment. So I would like to know what you think.
I am 100% going to wave at the baby! I had a lovely brief wave-and-chat with a toddler whose dad was walking him around a coffee shop on Monday. This is not just middle-aged-me behavior, either: when I was a preteen, it was not uncommon that my mother would have to backtrack down an aisle at the grocery store because I stopped by a baby.
I always wave at the baby! Always! And so does Rob. Rob is even a Peek A Boo Guy, so if a baby is looking at us, Rob will cover his eyes and then flap his hands open. Baby delight ensues! If a baby shows me a toy, I say “Oh wow, is that a duck? You have a duck!” Then I usually make eye contact with the parent and start some kind of small talk because THAT IS WHO I AM I CANNOT CHANGE.
I’m on team Suzanne. Of course we do this. Sometimes the kids even initiate it. (That happened to me yesterday — a little girl in a cart holding up her Barbie thing saying “See what mommy got me!” (She was maybe 3) Well, it would have been wrong to ignore her. But usually, I make sure the parent is “part of” the interaction (a smile to them, or something.) It’s not creepy at all!
I will always smile, wave and if called for maybe a little peek-a-boo. My husband will also smile & wave. Ok I think it’s weird not to interact. Really who can resists a sweet babe who makes eye contacts and smiles??!!
When Noah was a baby I was constantly seeing people I didn’t know waving in my direction and getting confused and then I’d look at him and see he was waving and be delighted. So, yes, I will wave at the baby.
In contrast to their adult personalities, he was friendly as a baby and young child, while North was more guarded.
you are right and they are wrong! Interact with the small people!! Keep doing what you are doing and ignore the naysayers (even if they live in your house).
signed, a mom of four small people
Yes, I wave to the baby. I play peek-a-boo. I make faces. I am THAT person.
Count me in – babies are joyous little members of society! Smiles, waves, chat – it’s all good! I think about my dad – a kid magnet that all kids of all ages responded to instantly and happily – he’d have been heartbroken to be told that was weird.
100% interact with babies and small children. I love to play peekaboo on airplanes or in church. I mean, I’m probably bored in those places so I might as well get a little entertainment.
We went on so many family stroller walks when Paul was a baby and toddler and he would wave sooo enthusiastically to people and say hi and he got snubbed SO MUCH. It was wild. But I guess people are in their little worlds, listening to podcasts or music, and don’t see what’s around them? But I don’t know… I think you are a little (or a lot) dead inside if you can’t manage to wave or acknowledge an enthusiastically waving toddler.
You are right and they are wrong, and I am ready to die on this hill.
I draw the same lines: I don’t ask children their name, or touch them, or get close, but I ABSOLUTELY wave, smile, admire a toy held out for me to admire. I will then sometimes turn to the parent with soft glowing expression and say something like “How old?” or “So cute!!”
I am remembering the blogger Beth Fish, who told a story of someone not responding to her baby’s attempts at social contact, and how she, Beth, and here I am paraphrasing from a memory two decades old, wanted to say “Say hi to my baby, bitch.”
I talk to all babies who make eye contact with me. It’s the law.
I always smile, wave, and say “hi” back to babies. I’ve never had a parent ask me to stop, so I think it’s perfectly acceptable as long as you don’t get too close or personal.
try and stop me from playing with babies
I’m definitely going to wave at babies and toddlers. One time when my son was a baby we were at a social function and an older lady lightly scolded someone for not returning my baby son’s wave which was pretty funny to me.
Social construct indeed. Not waving and/or making faces at a baby is rude. Alex also makes sure that I see and admire their cute little feets. A very small girl with pigtails (sticking out the top of her head) and a pumpkin dress waved at me at the store yesterday and you’d better believe I waved back.
OMG, why would anyone NOT wave at a baby? Say hi! And as you said, don’t ask personal questions, don’t approach, don’t touch the baby. Don’t offer to put your finger in the baby’s mouth. (Someone once tried to do this when Maya was a baby. What the?)
I fondly remember when Maya was a toddler/preschool, still riding in the front of the grocery cart age, and she decided one day that she was going to tell everyone at the grocery store that she was from Jupiter. People were without exception awesome. Everyone acknowledged her, no one laughed at her. Some people welcomed her to our humble planet. One person said, ‘Me too, aren’t earthlings strange?’ She had so much fun.
I can’t really say because I do the same thing; I don’t touch or approach the child, but I do interact.
Add me in to the why wouldn’t you interact with babies crowd. If they make eye contact with me and smile or babble, I for sure am going to respond. Usually with some crazy face, I will admit that might be weird. But babies love it when you make faces at them.
So keep on smiling and cooing at the babies. Maybe we need more people to smile and coo at us adults. LOL.
If a baby is going to grace me with their attention, you can bet I will be smiling, waving, playing peek a boo, or what have you right back at that baby. I’m fairly certain it’s the law.
Hell YES I’m going to wave at the baby – your husband and kid are weird (no offense). We had a party for my husband’s colleagues and one couple showed up with a baby and I basically threw the flowers they gave me over my head and said “Hello, thank-you, give me the child”. My husband is amazing with kids – way better than me, really, so he has no issue with it. Kids tend to like Eve, and look at Angus like he’s a mountain.
I would definitely wave at the baby, talk to a child, and listen to what they have to say. I would never ask an unknown child for their name, or touch them. Well, unless they were in some kind of danger. But, really, it’s the same for all humans, from little babies to the elderly. They should be seen and acknowledged!
I do understand that a man might be more reserved, as there are very real stigmas and suspicions, which is really sad. And a tween (?) girl is usually horrified by everything, so hopefully she’ll get over it!
I’ll definitely interact with babies/kids when they make eye contact or say hi! I think ignoring a child would be worse (although I do understand that men might be a little bit more hesitant to interact – although I don’t think a smile or wave from afar can be misunderstood).
Well, I’ll chime in- looks like we all agree! It would be MEAN not to wave and smile at a baby! Of course we’re not going to touch the kid or ask them inappropriate questions, but waving, smiling, responding if they talk to us… a big fat YES.
yes! I always interact with a baby! (And anyone else that wants to smile and wave at me, regardless of age). How else will babies learn about communication and social cues? Unless the social cue is “leave me alone!” I don’t think the calculus should be different for a man.
We were at the Renaissance Faire this weekend and a stranger’s baby full on crawled into my lap as I was listening to bagpipes. I think her grown up was mortified, but I would have smothered the baby with kisses if I had felt it would have been appropriate. I refrained. I guess there is a line somewhere.
I’m a baby waver myself, so I’m team wave at that baby in public. It does help that I usually have 6-7 babies in my care on any day of the week, so I get my fix easily. I also think I have some sort of expressive/baby-magnet face, because babies tend to stare at me, like they’re waiting for me to entertain them. How do they know?
I will always smile at a baby. Always.
Oh yes, I will always wave or smile at a baby or toddler. 🙂 One of my favorite memories of my husband was when we were out to breakfast and he suddenly started grinning and waving. (Very unusual behavior for this usually stoic man.) I thought for a moment and then said, “There’s a baby sitting behind me, isn’t there?”
haha – of course there was!
Wait, people don’t wave at babies? How can they resist? (I’m in the Wave At Babies camp. It’s important for their social and emotional development.)
I’m team Suzanne – always waving at babies. And my husband is too. In fact, he goes out of his way to do this. 🤣