December 6, 2021 by suzanne day by day

No Naked Christmas Trees Around Here

Well, it looks like I will do anything to procrastinate doing actual tasks that I actually need to complete: folding laundry, making a meal plan for the week, wrapping presents, cleaning the menorah.

But right now my procrastination is manifesting in an Urgent Need for a tree skirt, so I am dragging you along with me.

(I can afford to procrastinate a little, I think, because we were very productive this weekend and some of the Christmas panic has been assuaged. ALL gifts have been ordered. My niece’s and sister-in-law’s gifts have been wrapped, boxed, and mailed. The caramels arrived and are ready to be tucked in with other gifts and mailed to family. I procured some wintry stamps for my holiday cards (otters playing in the snow!). My husband ~~inexplicably~~ printed out only one sheet of address labels for our holiday cards [EDITED TO ADD: there was a printer issue! the printer refused to print any more labels after the first sheet] but I have stuffed, stamped, addressed and sealed all the cards going to those addresses. Plus, I made long-overdue hair appointments for myself and Carla, which was another thing to cross off the list.)

This is a glimpse of my kitchen table right now. Cards and caramels! What could be better?

(Now that I mentioned the haircuts, I have a question/fret: I will take a card with a cash gift in it to my hairdresser, but what do I do for the person cutting Carla’s hair? I *think* but do not know for sure that it’s a hairdresser I’ve used before, but maybe it is a brand new person? I should just bring a cash gift to her either way, right? This reminds me that I need to make a hair appointment for my husband and remind him to take a gift to his hairdresser as well.)

Okay, back to the Christmas tree skirting issue.

One of the things I have loved about living in this house is that we have room for a real live Christmas tree. We always had a live tree when I was growing up, so there’s some nostalgia involved. But I also love the piney smell, and I love walking up and down aisles of trees with my husband and daughter, looking for the exact right tree to welcome into our home.

Of course, there are disadvantages to a live tree. Pine needles everywhere is the big one. Having to remember to water the thing every day is another. And I am constantly worried about fire; I am guessing that Christmas tree fires occur when a tree is put too close to a heat source, or when it’s underwatered and the lights are left on overnight, or other reasons I am not considering. I assume that they don’t randomly burst into flames. Yet it is one of my big sources of anxiety at Christmastime, and when January arrives I am VERY EAGER to get that bundle of tinder out of my house and onto the curb.

For my husband, live Christmas trees come with two major pain points: 1. Wrestling the tree into the stand, which is primarily his job; I help, but not a lot. 2. Putting on the Christmas lights. For some reason, he hates the adding of the Christmas lights with a fiery passion. I have tried to remove this task from his responsibility, and I am SURE that I have dressed the tree in lights by myself for the past several years. But I do it in a more haphazard way than he does (he is METHODICAL and NEAT) and that makes him grumpy, and it makes me grumpy to try to do something to alleviate pain for someone and to have that someone tell me I’m doing it wrong.

So for the past few years, we have been strongly considering getting an artificial tree instead. This has been my husband’s thing; despite the shortcomings, I prefer a live tree. And I have been agreeable about getting an artificial tree, but have taken a bystander role in the process. And year after year, the sales bypass us, and we get a live tree instead.

NOT THIS YEAR.

This year, we bought an artificial tree. It was… very expensive. One of my demands, should we get an artificial tree, was that it look as real as possible. So we got a pricey version that claims to be very realistic. One of my husband’s demands was that it come pre-lit, so we got that feature as well.

We got it on a good sale, at least compared to its listed “everyday” price, but it was still… much more than I care to spend on anything, especially something I don’t want. But we are also paying for decreased grumpiness. I hope. I can imagine that setting up the thing will come with its own gripes and grumbles.

My other demand was that we spring for a new Christmas tree skirt. No way are we going to have an unclothed Christmas tree, flaunting its naked stand for all the world to see. The old skirt was a circle of red felt that cost maybe $5 at Target a decade or so ago. Over the years, it had gotten very pilly and the Velcro clasps no longer worked quite as well. It was very good at catching excess pine needles and that’s the most I can say for it.

So I am on the hunt for a new Christmas tree skirt, and I am humbled by both the multitude of options available to me and by the wide range of pricing options. I want a tree skirt I like, but – let’s be frank – a tree skirt’s duty is to provide a cushy little bed for gifts and to disguise the ugly base of the tree. It doesn’t NEED to be anything special. But it should be more special than circle of felt.(Spending $200+ on a tree skirt, which you absolutely CAN DO, is a Startling Expense ^{TM Swistle} for me.)

I love this one from Target – I am partial to navy as a color. But… the rest of the Christmas décor is mainly red and white, so it seems a mismatch. And while I am tempted to re-do the entire décor theme to match, I am not so tempted as to actually expend the time/money required to make that a reality. While we are citing this skirt’s negatives, it is $45, which seems quite pricey for something that will be invisible for most of its work life. Also, it is made of linen, which makes me concerned it might require ironing, and I DO NOT IRON.

This burlap skirt with snowflakes seems much better, price-wise ($15.99 as of this writing). It’s simple and unobjectionable. It doesn’t make my heart sing, or anything, but how much work are we expecting a tree skirt to do?

Oh, this one with little reindeer around the perimeter is giving me a little happy jolt. It’s a little bit more — $22.99 as of this writing – but it’s very charming. And I could do the plain burlap or there’s a version with the field in red as well. Both are so cute and I love the little reindeer.

This red one with snowflakes is quite nice. And the description claims that it’s double layered and “durable.” Plus, boasts the description, “Easy to use, no need tedious operation, install in a minute.” Are other tree skirts… difficult to use?

I find this plaid skirt quite appealing. Although the white trim makes me a little nervous. Though… if we no longer have to worry about watering the tree or dealing with pine needle shed, maybe it won’t get as dirty as I’m envisioning? I am also wishing that Target would get on board with photographing the tree skirt in action.

Also pleasing, and also with worrisome white trim, is this version that says Merry Christmas. I like the way it looks… but I don’t know if I like the words. And some of the close-up photos make it look like it could be too similar to my old red felt.

I rather like this knitted tree skirt – the material looks a little more elegant than the felt, and I do like the reindeer. But it does say “Christmas” on it; not merry Christmas, just “Christmas,” which is a little joyless. Wait. Am I to read it as “deery Christmas”? I don’t know.

This quilted tree skirt is very simple and very lovely and I like the deep almost burgundy of the red, but oh dear – it looks like the smallest costs $79; that, I think, is above my personal tree-skirt spending limit.

Did you know there was such a thing as a tree collar? I did not, until I began this search. This burlap version is very simple and clean. Do I like the tassels? I don’t know. Why are they yellow?

Oh! This red-with-reindeer tree collar is very festive!

I very much like the look of this woven tree collar. But I do not care for the price.

This wooden tree collar is very charming – I like it the best, I think – but it’s nearly $90 and it’s a lie, so I’m not going to be getting it for my particular tree.

I like this red metal tree collar quite a lot, and it’s currently on sale for an amount I could possibly be persuaded to spend ($51.50 down from $69). Something to think about, perhaps until the sale ends and it falls more firmly into the realm of “too expensive.”

I am also wondering if one needs a tree skirt in addition to a tree collar… in which case, I’ll stick with the tree skirt alone, thank you.

After adding photos to this post, I went and put the burlap-with-reindeer tree skirt, as well as the same one but in red, in my amazon cart. It just gives me a happy little flutter! I will run it past my husband, make sure he doesn’t hate it, but I think it’s the one!!! All that’s left is to decide between burlap and red.

If you have a Christmas tree, what, if anything, do you do in terms of tree skirting?

October 12, 2021 by suzanne day by day

Tuesday Randomosity: Bugs and Holiday Frets

Well, I am sitting here waiting for the exterminator to come do our quarterly bug roundup (I like to picture him ushering a bunch of creepy-crawlies down the stairs and out into the street and off into some buggy wonderland, Pied Piper style), and I neither feel like emptying the dishwasher nor trying to plan our meals for the week, so randomosity it is!

Speaking of our bug guy: I am mad at our pest control service. They are constantly bothering us to sign up for this quarterly “deal,” wherein you get a discount per service. And my husband and I had figured that we were calling the pest control on an as-needed basis about three times per year, so the math didn’t work out for us to do the quarterly plan. But, for some reason, we decided to sign up the last time they made their sales pitch. I don’t remember why, but it must have involved math. ANYWAY, we signed up in June, for the quarterly plan. They sent the bug guy, invoiced us… And the amount was DOUBLE what he’d quoted me. I emailed him back and said, “I thought the quarterly plan cost $X. Or is this invoice for the entire year in advance?” And he CALLED ME. I could not answer at the time, so emailed him back, reiterated my question, and said that email is much better than calling. He called me AGAIN. I remember I picked up the phone because I was waiting for another call, but there was some incredibly stressful thing going on, and he was being super confusing and not answering my questions directly, so I started frustration-crying on the phone. It was awful. The upshoot was that he didn’t want to submit a specific quote in writing, because “their rates change based on unpredictable factors.” *Picture me right now, sitting at my desk, blinking slowly and taking multiple deep breaths.* Anyway, because I cried at him, he emailed me this: “as discussed on the phone. The current charge is your initial charge with a discounted rate. 3 months after your initial treatment we offer a discounted quarterly rate ~$X + tax on a regular quarterly basis.” Which, I have to say, STILL MAKES NO SENSE. Does that mean that the quarterly discount only kicks in… later??? And also, I want to know what we are going to pay, every quarter!!!!! “~$X” is not specific enough!!!!! I immediately started asking my neighbors who they use, even though we have used this particular service multiple times per year for over a decade. The only reason I have decided not to switch services is that I adore the man who does the actual spraying of the bugs. He is a lovely, kind, gentle man who asks about my kid and is always super flexible about timing and is very efficient. He is the kind of guy you could call to come over IMMEDIATELY and take care of any issue. Plus, he is getting up there, age-wise, and I just picture us canceling our service and him being out of a job. (This is ridiculous; they have other customers.) So we are, for now, keeping our service. But I am STILL MAD. In fact, I feel riled up enough that I am once again thinking of finding a new service. EDITED TO ADD: I asked our bug guy if he knew what today’s appointment was going to cost me, and he said he didn’t; he leaves that to the other guy, who will send me an invoice. So I still have no idea how much it cost. I DO NOT LIKE THIS.

It is a good time for the bug guy to come, because it is Spider Season. And I know that spiders are good and lovely and take care of other bugs, but during this time of year they get very bold and decide to break the Spider Covenant of out of sight, out of mind. Do they think they add to the Halloween ambiance? There was a spider in Carla’s room the other day, and she came shrieking into the living room to have one of us rescue her from its clutches, but then my husband couldn’t locate the spider to remove it. (I would have squished it. Am mean.) Carla KNOWS that the spider is still there, probably on her bed, maybe building a little web inside her pillowcase. She does not believe us that the spider has likely moved on. She has been sleeping in our room ever since.

Oh, speaking of stupid things that make no sense (yes, I am still exercised about the bug service situation): Do you remember I told you, a long while ago, about this absolutely RIDICULOUS bank situation? In short (or, as short as I can very wordily go), we have a loan through a bank, and the bank is holding a big chunk of our money as collateral against the loan. This bank has a policy stating that you (we) need to add some nominal amount of money to the account annually, or you (we) are charged an inactive fee. Even though I don’t WANT to add money, not even $5, to that account because we cannot touch it until the loan is paid. And even though I don’t have any sort of bank card that would allow me to do so without going, in person, to the bank. And even though the bank is nowhere near my house or any place I ever go. So every year I get a statement charging us an inactive fee, and every year I call the bank and ask them to remove it, and they give me a spiel about how easy it would be to avoid the fee, just by making a single annual transaction! And how it could just be $5! And how they have all these branches! (None nearer than a 30 minute drive.) I persist, getting louder and more strident, and finally they agree to remove the fee, and I ask that they make a note for next year, and they say they can’t. Remember when I whined at great length about that? Well! Last year, we got a statement that showed the inactive fee… and then showed an instant refund!!!! I did not have to call! SOMEONE MADE A NOTE! That is my hope, at least. I suppose it could have been a Pandemic Nicety. Anyway, I’m waiting for the statement to show up this year, just to see what happens. I know you are on the edge of your seat.

I got myself a jump rope. Carla has one and it seems fun. Plus, it reminds me of middle school gym class, and how Jump Rope for Heart! was a big health movement back then. It IS good exercise, I think. I don’t know for sure because I have yet to try it. I’m… nervous? Afraid of hitting myself in the face? Or… enduring excessive boob-flop pain? Or… having a heart attack? I don’t know. Also, I am pretty sure this is an Outdoor Activity, so that’s another hurdle. The jump rope is currently on the floor of my office. Do you jump rope? And if so, how do I begin my jump rope journey? Perhaps I shall begin by taking it with me to Goodwill and leaving it there?

Listen, I KNOW it’s only October, but I also know that you are aware – as are we all – that shipping and supply chain issues are causing delays and snarl-ups all over the place. So I am thinking about Christmas. Fretting is a more accurate word than thinking, except there is also a lot of inertia because it is sooooo far away and I am just coming out of a four-family-members-have-birthdays period over the last six weeks, with the fifth still to come. I persuaded my husband to order a couple of things for Carla already (thank you, Target, for having a “buy $50 in toys, get $10” promotion at the exact right time). (We got her a carnotaurus and an LOL OMG doll that she requested.) But literally no one else in my family is thinking about the holidays right now, except maybe my parents whom I have already bothered on the topic. And lord knows WHAT I will get my husband; I just had to buy presents for his birthday and it was rough. I ended up buying him a couple of things I’d purchased previously, that’s how out of ideas I am. Well. At least Santa Claus will have something to deliver to Carla. If the rest of us get nothing, that’s fine. We need nothing anyway.

This Christmas situation illuminates one of the Major Differences between my family of origin and my husband’s. I emailed my mom and asked her to start thinking about Christmas, and she happily complied. In fact, I had received an email previously from my dad, asking what we want to eat for Christmas dinner. They are Plan Ahead People. They have everything planned out for the next… nine months, I’d say. While I am not (always) that much of a planner, I do prefer to know what’s coming down the pike. My in-laws, on the other hand, are Spontaneous People. (This is why I end up wrapping so many gifts that they send us at the last minute grumble grumble.) They are also Christmas List People, who prefer that we all submit and choose from a list of specific items. (My parents are Money Gifters, who then also usually wrap something small to accompany the money.) My in-laws also live in a different state, so we have to ship all gifts to them. (And I prefer to buy them and wrap them before shipping them.) This is a bad combination, even in years without shipping and supply chain issues (not to mention all the health issues that are obviously and justifiably requiring significant attention). But this year it may be that everyone gets a Suzanne Hopes You Will Like This But Maybe You Won’t present.

Do you have a go-to gift that you send to people who have everything/people who are difficult to shop for? There has to be a Good General Gift that most people enjoy, right? Except I can’t think of one, outside of consumables like chocolate/wine/cheese.

And also, what would YOU, personally, like to receive as a gift? Like, right now, what is the thing that you are coveting most? For me, it is a citrus squeezer. Mine broke, and I use a citrus squeezer ALL the time, so I have been mourning its loss near-daily. Okay, after writing that, I just ordered one – it’s stainless steel, so the paint won’t wear off and it’s dishwasher safe! It will arrive on Friday. SORRY, PEOPLE WHO BUY ME GIFTS.

I really, reallllllllly wish that we could alllll agree that we are grown ups and do not need gifts anymore. Seriously. We can get the kids presents, if we want, but no one else needs anything. I just don’t know how to broach that topic. Like, it seems like one thing to say, “I would like you to stop buying me gifts; I have everything I need” but a whole different thing to say, “I would like to stop purchasing gifts for you.” Yeah. Makes me sound like a dick. *Resigned sigh of gift anxiety forever and ever amen.*

At least I don’t have to worry about Thanksgiving! My in-laws are hosting Thanksgiving at their house, in a different state, despite the fact that it is their year with us, and despite the fact that my husband and I established nearly a decade ago that we will not travel on holidays, and despite the fact that there is still an ongoing global pandemic that makes travel – especially crowded holiday travel – unideal. (And lest you think I am being heartless, they made these plans before all the health turmoil.) (I am still being a little heartless, but the whole thing irks me.) So! It will just be the three of us, here at home! My IDEAL! I suspect I will still need to make turkey and stuffing, since my husband likes those things. (Bleh.) I can probably get away with a small turkey breast, though, which will be nice. And I am delighted that I get to make a big vat of garlic goat cheese mashed potatoes to slowly coat myself in.

OMG I usually tip our bug guy but I FORGOT to get tip money and had none. He said goodbye at the front door, but then his shoes were at the back door, so we trekked through the kitchen, saying things like “keep safe!” and “see you next quarter!” But then at the back door, I had to wait as he put on his shoes and tied them and tried to make small talk about the weather while I was very blatantly NOT giving him a tip. And then he got his shoes on and walked through the garage and reminded me to close the garage door and we must have said goodbye/take care to each other at least four times all while I was not giving him a tip OMG it was so awkward. I hope he knows I will get him next time.

That’s it from me, Internet. After that grueling interaction, not to mention the anticipation thereof, I need to lie down for the rest of the day. (Kidding. Mainly.)

June 3, 2016 by suzanne day by day

A Manual for Dealing with People Who Come to Your House to Fix or Install Things

This week a nice gentleman from our security service come out to test the security system and replace all the batteries in the window and door sensors. As happens Every Single Time someone comes to my house to provide some sort of service, I spent the entire time he was here in a restless panic of What Is the Right Way to Deal with This?

It begins with the Time Window. I spend the hours before the Time Window fretting about the state of my house, like the air conditioning repairperson is going to care whether there are breakfast dishes in the sink or the cable person will give a second thought to the unwashed laundry on the floor of the closet. (It’s there because SORTING.)

Then, as the Time Window nears, I begin stressing about what I should be doing. I shouldn’t make anything to eat, lest the service person arrive as soon as I have food in my mouth. I shouldn’t start a project, lest I get interrupted. I shouldn’t make a phone call. I shouldn’t work out or take a shower. So I end up kind of pacing around my house, catching up on small housework or straightening things that will neither impress nor dismay the service person. I always have the TV on, to provide background noise.

Once the person arrives, I fret about what to DO while s/he is in my house. Do I follow her around, ostensibly to answer questions? Do I guide her to the appropriate area of the house and then… leave her alone?

If I go the following-around route, do I ask questions to appear as though I care and/or will remember anything about the reason the furnace is making a weird noise? Do I make inane small talk about the weather or the basketball finals or how it’s summer already and doesn’t time go by so quickly? Do I lurk in the background, trying to assume a helpful air? Do I find something to occupy me near wherever she needs to be?

If I go the leaving-alone route, what do I DO? I have to be available, and I have to be interruptible. Do I pretend to watch TV, while really sitting on the edge of the couch, ready to leap up and address any questions or issues? Do I continue to find small items of housework to tackle, if I even have any left after my pre-appointment fussing?

What level of hospitality is required/expected/necessary/nice? For movers, I have offered water; for the people who recently removed a bunch of junk, I offered soda (which they left behind, presumably because it was diet soda). We have a lot of beer; should I offer beer?

When is a tip required/expected/necessary/nice? I mean, I know a tip is NEVER “required,” but… I think it’s more of a given in some situations than in others. Like, with movers. I automatically build in “get cash for a tip” to my moving preparations. But with the person who replaces your faucet? The person who delivers your mattress? The person who inspects your gutters? The person who sprays for silverfish?

The tipping thing gives me GREAT anxiety. Partly because (except in the instance of movers) I only ever THINK about the tip right before the service person is expected to arrive, so I never have cash on hand (or if I do, it is like, a $50 bill that seems a bit much or a single $1 which seems very stingy). Partly because I just don’t know when a tip would be appreciated-but-not-expected or whether the service person starts bad mouthing my lack of generosity the instant he leaves. Okay, that is uncharitable. It would be worse if the service person left, tipless, and began to worry about whether the lack of tip meant she hadn’t provided great service. UGH.

And yet, one time we had two faucets installed and I planned ahead and tried to tip the very nice, very efficient man who installed the faucets, and he rejected the tip, in a semi-repulsed way that almost seemed like I’d perpetrated a Major Faux Pas or maybe offered him a fistful of dog poo instead of a $10.

And THEN, if you decide a tip is a good idea, HOW MUCH DO YOU TIP? A percentage of the service? A flat $5 per person? Does it depend on the type of service rendered? And, if so, what is the scale?

SO MUCH ANXIETY.

I would appreciate a Handbook that clearly lays out guidelines for all of the above and more. Once I heard that if the service person is the owner of the company, you don’t tip. But if the service person is an employee, you DO tip. Or maybe the guideline was that if the service person is a contractor, you DO tip, and if an employee, you DON’T. ARRRRGH.

All I know is that Any and Every Time we need some sort of service that requires a person to come to our home, I spend the entire day fretting and fussing and worrying that I am doing the wrong thing. And when the person is in my house, I wander around – following her sometimes, other times leaving her to her work in peace – alternately wondering whether this is the day when I am murdered by a psychopath and agonizing about the tip and using phrases like “everything looking ship-shape?” and “oh goodness, that’s a stumper” and making inane statements about the weather and offering too much information about myself just to fill the air.

suzanne day by day

the mundane, the magical, and everything in between

Tipping service people

No Naked Christmas Trees Around Here