Well, I am sitting here waiting for the exterminator to come do our quarterly bug roundup (I like to picture him ushering a bunch of creepy-crawlies down the stairs and out into the street and off into some buggy wonderland, Pied Piper style), and I neither feel like emptying the dishwasher nor trying to plan our meals for the week, so randomosity it is!
- Speaking of our bug guy: I am mad at our pest control service. They are constantly bothering us to sign up for this quarterly “deal,” wherein you get a discount per service. And my husband and I had figured that we were calling the pest control on an as-needed basis about three times per year, so the math didn’t work out for us to do the quarterly plan. But, for some reason, we decided to sign up the last time they made their sales pitch. I don’t remember why, but it must have involved math. ANYWAY, we signed up in June, for the quarterly plan. They sent the bug guy, invoiced us… And the amount was DOUBLE what he’d quoted me. I emailed him back and said, “I thought the quarterly plan cost $X. Or is this invoice for the entire year in advance?” And he CALLED ME. I could not answer at the time, so emailed him back, reiterated my question, and said that email is much better than calling. He called me AGAIN. I remember I picked up the phone because I was waiting for another call, but there was some incredibly stressful thing going on, and he was being super confusing and not answering my questions directly, so I started frustration-crying on the phone. It was awful. The upshoot was that he didn’t want to submit a specific quote in writing, because “their rates change based on unpredictable factors.” *Picture me right now, sitting at my desk, blinking slowly and taking multiple deep breaths.* Anyway, because I cried at him, he emailed me this: “as discussed on the phone. The current charge is your initial charge with a discounted rate. 3 months after your initial treatment we offer a discounted quarterly rate ~$X + tax on a regular quarterly basis.” Which, I have to say, STILL MAKES NO SENSE. Does that mean that the quarterly discount only kicks in… later??? And also, I want to know what we are going to pay, every quarter!!!!! “~$X” is not specific enough!!!!! I immediately started asking my neighbors who they use, even though we have used this particular service multiple times per year for over a decade. The only reason I have decided not to switch services is that I adore the man who does the actual spraying of the bugs. He is a lovely, kind, gentle man who asks about my kid and is always super flexible about timing and is very efficient. He is the kind of guy you could call to come over IMMEDIATELY and take care of any issue. Plus, he is getting up there, age-wise, and I just picture us canceling our service and him being out of a job. (This is ridiculous; they have other customers.) So we are, for now, keeping our service. But I am STILL MAD. In fact, I feel riled up enough that I am once again thinking of finding a new service. EDITED TO ADD: I asked our bug guy if he knew what today’s appointment was going to cost me, and he said he didn’t; he leaves that to the other guy, who will send me an invoice. So I still have no idea how much it cost. I DO NOT LIKE THIS.
- It is a good time for the bug guy to come, because it is Spider Season. And I know that spiders are good and lovely and take care of other bugs, but during this time of year they get very bold and decide to break the Spider Covenant of out of sight, out of mind. Do they think they add to the Halloween ambiance? There was a spider in Carla’s room the other day, and she came shrieking into the living room to have one of us rescue her from its clutches, but then my husband couldn’t locate the spider to remove it. (I would have squished it. Am mean.) Carla KNOWS that the spider is still there, probably on her bed, maybe building a little web inside her pillowcase. She does not believe us that the spider has likely moved on. She has been sleeping in our room ever since.
- Oh, speaking of stupid things that make no sense (yes, I am still exercised about the bug service situation): Do you remember I told you, a long while ago, about this absolutely RIDICULOUS bank situation? In short (or, as short as I can very wordily go), we have a loan through a bank, and the bank is holding a big chunk of our money as collateral against the loan. This bank has a policy stating that you (we) need to add some nominal amount of money to the account annually, or you (we) are charged an inactive fee. Even though I don’t WANT to add money, not even $5, to that account because we cannot touch it until the loan is paid. And even though I don’t have any sort of bank card that would allow me to do so without going, in person, to the bank. And even though the bank is nowhere near my house or any place I ever go. So every year I get a statement charging us an inactive fee, and every year I call the bank and ask them to remove it, and they give me a spiel about how easy it would be to avoid the fee, just by making a single annual transaction! And how it could just be $5! And how they have all these branches! (None nearer than a 30 minute drive.) I persist, getting louder and more strident, and finally they agree to remove the fee, and I ask that they make a note for next year, and they say they can’t. Remember when I whined at great length about that? Well! Last year, we got a statement that showed the inactive fee… and then showed an instant refund!!!! I did not have to call! SOMEONE MADE A NOTE! That is my hope, at least. I suppose it could have been a Pandemic Nicety. Anyway, I’m waiting for the statement to show up this year, just to see what happens. I know you are on the edge of your seat.
- I got myself a jump rope. Carla has one and it seems fun. Plus, it reminds me of middle school gym class, and how Jump Rope for Heart! was a big health movement back then. It IS good exercise, I think. I don’t know for sure because I have yet to try it. I’m… nervous? Afraid of hitting myself in the face? Or… enduring excessive boob-flop pain? Or… having a heart attack? I don’t know. Also, I am pretty sure this is an Outdoor Activity, so that’s another hurdle. The jump rope is currently on the floor of my office. Do you jump rope? And if so, how do I begin my jump rope journey? Perhaps I shall begin by taking it with me to Goodwill and leaving it there?
- Listen, I KNOW it’s only October, but I also know that you are aware – as are we all – that shipping and supply chain issues are causing delays and snarl-ups all over the place. So I am thinking about Christmas. Fretting is a more accurate word than thinking, except there is also a lot of inertia because it is sooooo far away and I am just coming out of a four-family-members-have-birthdays period over the last six weeks, with the fifth still to come. I persuaded my husband to order a couple of things for Carla already (thank you, Target, for having a “buy $50 in toys, get $10” promotion at the exact right time). (We got her a carnotaurus and an LOL OMG doll that she requested.) But literally no one else in my family is thinking about the holidays right now, except maybe my parents whom I have already bothered on the topic. And lord knows WHAT I will get my husband; I just had to buy presents for his birthday and it was rough. I ended up buying him a couple of things I’d purchased previously, that’s how out of ideas I am. Well. At least Santa Claus will have something to deliver to Carla. If the rest of us get nothing, that’s fine. We need nothing anyway.
- This Christmas situation illuminates one of the Major Differences between my family of origin and my husband’s. I emailed my mom and asked her to start thinking about Christmas, and she happily complied. In fact, I had received an email previously from my dad, asking what we want to eat for Christmas dinner. They are Plan Ahead People. They have everything planned out for the next… nine months, I’d say. While I am not (always) that much of a planner, I do prefer to know what’s coming down the pike. My in-laws, on the other hand, are Spontaneous People. (This is why I end up wrapping so many gifts that they send us at the last minute grumble grumble.) They are also Christmas List People, who prefer that we all submit and choose from a list of specific items. (My parents are Money Gifters, who then also usually wrap something small to accompany the money.) My in-laws also live in a different state, so we have to ship all gifts to them. (And I prefer to buy them and wrap them before shipping them.) This is a bad combination, even in years without shipping and supply chain issues (not to mention all the health issues that are obviously and justifiably requiring significant attention). But this year it may be that everyone gets a Suzanne Hopes You Will Like This But Maybe You Won’t present.
- Do you have a go-to gift that you send to people who have everything/people who are difficult to shop for? There has to be a Good General Gift that most people enjoy, right? Except I can’t think of one, outside of consumables like chocolate/wine/cheese.
- And also, what would YOU, personally, like to receive as a gift? Like, right now, what is the thing that you are coveting most? For me, it is a citrus squeezer. Mine broke, and I use a citrus squeezer ALL the time, so I have been mourning its loss near-daily. Okay, after writing that, I just ordered one – it’s stainless steel, so the paint won’t wear off and it’s dishwasher safe! It will arrive on Friday. SORRY, PEOPLE WHO BUY ME GIFTS.
- I really, reallllllllly wish that we could alllll agree that we are grown ups and do not need gifts anymore. Seriously. We can get the kids presents, if we want, but no one else needs anything. I just don’t know how to broach that topic. Like, it seems like one thing to say, “I would like you to stop buying me gifts; I have everything I need” but a whole different thing to say, “I would like to stop purchasing gifts for you.” Yeah. Makes me sound like a dick. *Resigned sigh of gift anxiety forever and ever amen.*
- At least I don’t have to worry about Thanksgiving! My in-laws are hosting Thanksgiving at their house, in a different state, despite the fact that it is their year with us, and despite the fact that my husband and I established nearly a decade ago that we will not travel on holidays, and despite the fact that there is still an ongoing global pandemic that makes travel – especially crowded holiday travel – unideal. (And lest you think I am being heartless, they made these plans before all the health turmoil.) (I am still being a little heartless, but the whole thing irks me.) So! It will just be the three of us, here at home! My IDEAL! I suspect I will still need to make turkey and stuffing, since my husband likes those things. (Bleh.) I can probably get away with a small turkey breast, though, which will be nice. And I am delighted that I get to make a big vat of garlic goat cheese mashed potatoes to slowly coat myself in.
- OMG I usually tip our bug guy but I FORGOT to get tip money and had none. He said goodbye at the front door, but then his shoes were at the back door, so we trekked through the kitchen, saying things like “keep safe!” and “see you next quarter!” But then at the back door, I had to wait as he put on his shoes and tied them and tried to make small talk about the weather while I was very blatantly NOT giving him a tip. And then he got his shoes on and walked through the garage and reminded me to close the garage door and we must have said goodbye/take care to each other at least four times all while I was not giving him a tip OMG it was so awkward. I hope he knows I will get him next time.
That’s it from me, Internet. After that grueling interaction, not to mention the anticipation thereof, I need to lie down for the rest of the day. (Kidding. Mainly.)
I keep a list of potential gifts on my phone and add to it year round. I am also super grateful for the fact that most of the people I buy gifts for appreciate a good, practical gift. One of my best gift giving moments was buying a new silverware basket for a friend’s dishwasher. You know you have made good friends when you can buy them accessories for their major appliances and receive a very heartfelt thank you.
I also established standard, expected, gifts. My mother always gets a certain calendar and a pair of hand-knit socks. My in-laws all get hand-knit socks. (I am actually working on the last pair of hand-knit socks for this year now, since I tend to start the Christmas knitting in January each year.)
I also gave everyone I could think of who would appreciate it a copy of The Boy, The Mole, the Fox and the Horse. https://www.amazon.com/Boy-Mole-Fox-Horse/dp/0062976583
Blog posts like Swistle’s recent several inexpensive pleasing purchases also help me come up with a list of small things that I love and use and think other people will love and use. And reddit had a good thread of best life changing purchases for under $100.
My go-to gift is a fuzzy blanket, one of those super super soft fleecy type ones that they sell at Target, in some sort of neutral color. I figure most people could use another super super soft blanket of some sort. No idea if that’s actually true, but it has been well-received by the people that I’ve given one to thus far.
My best trick for gifts for people I need every year gifts for (my mom, my sister, my close friends) is to buy a bunch of little things all year long. Like a scarf and a small bottle of shower gel and a new chapstick and a fun pair of socks and a novelty necklace and etc. This takes the pressure off having to find One Nice Thing That They Will Love because if they hate the scarf, there are six other small gifts. I buy things all year long as I come across them and they are nearly always something I have liked for myself. Like last year everyone got a batch of velcro cord ties in their presents. Something totally practically that would be very weird on its own but when paired with a sandwich spreader and a post it note that looks like the earth and a pillow cover that says I Love Books adds up to a good gift. Plus it helps with the “I don’t need a lot of stuff” thing because they are all small and many are consumable.
Otherwise: personalized stationery. Consumable, nice, practical, something no one ever buys themselves.
The other thing is that about five years ago, we agreed with Matt’s brothers and their wives to knock off presents for all of us because we felt like we were all exchanging the same $30 in gift cards and we might as well stop and it was a lovely relief.
This got long.
THIS IS BRILLIANT. I am going to start doing this. Well, I guess next year I’m going to start doing this since it’s October.
OMG – the bug guy situation is so unpleasant and unreasonable and confusing. I have no advice, because I’d want to keep the actual employee coming to the house as well. I’m with Carla though, if I’ve seen a spider, but I missed getting it – then I will be freaked out until it is found.
The bank thing. I can’t even. So nuts. Glad they didn’t charge you this time.
I own a jump rope. I used it for a while to workout in my kitchen during the winter months, but thanks to covid – my fav workout class teacher does stuff online now. I laughed at you dropping it off to Good Will. I used to see how many times I could go without messing up.
I stopped the adult gift exchange on my side of the family and my sister, Ann, called me a name. That was on Thanksgiving. Warm, family memories. I also suggested that we stop the cousin gifts. It was too much and none of our kids need more.
You raise a good question about what would I like for Christmas. I guess, I’d have to say a new front door. Kind of a big ticket item. Aside from that – a clean house. Neither are happening. I hadn’t thought at all about difficulties with supply chains, etc. Yikes – that could be ugly.
Tip the guy extra next time and let him know you just forgot to have cash on hand. So awkward, but he’ll be fine.
I’m happy you have Thanksgiving figured out. I’m so not there yet – but most of our family is local, so not too much to think about. I did two turkeys last year just for us and I’d do it again in a heartbeat. These are my favorite people anyway.
That is the weirdest thing with the bug guy, that makes NO sense. See also, the bank. Why, why, why.
My son is in the musical and he has had to relearn to jump rope and I was thinking I would try it too. Hopefully I don’t pee myself. I used to love Jump Rope For Heart!
So, Christmas. I am going to say that I think I am the easiest person to buy anything for because I am overjoyed and excited about everything. What I generally like for Christmas is as follows, in no particular order: books (I normally specify), pajamas, slippers (my parents buy me some every year and I wear them out), scented body lotion. The boys sometimes buy me a charm for my Pandora bracelet. I am overjoyed to receive wine or chocolates.
I don’t think I am a natural gift-giver, I get a little anxious about it as well. The boys are pretty difficult to buy things for but I usually get them clothes, a book, and they get each other things like a new video game. This year they are both getting new electric razors. My husband is getting clothes and probably something else, I don’t know what yet. My parents are easy to shop for, my MIL I will buy a sweater. For years I bought her pajamas and shower gels and then I was at her house and there were all these shower gels in her bathroom, unopened. Ooops.
The bug-company situation is so maddening I can’t even turn my mind to it, except that I think the way I would deal with it (sometimes I find it helpful to hear how others would deal with things I’m fretting about; if this is not the same for you, and if in fact it ADDS to the situation by giving you stress about Things You Aren’t Doing, then toss this directly into the trash) is to email back and say “Okay, thanks, it sounds like the quarterly service isn’t right for our needs, so let’s just go back to the way things were before where we call when we need service, thanks so much for explaining it over the phone, I seem to have misunderstood the situation before!” Just like that, with commas instead of careful punctuation, to be breezy. OR: I would THINK about doing that, and rehearse it many times in my head, but ACTUALLY just stay signed up, figuring that in time I’d stop being as infuriated.
GIFTS. I am excited to talk about gifts. The general online/news talk about supply/shipping problems has activated me, but, I find, not stressed me in a negative way, and I think it’s that same thing where we just don’t NEED anything, and everyone in my life can WAIT if something is delayed, without suffering badly. So I feel energized without feeling stressed. The ONLY one I’m stressed about is Paul’s sister: she’s the one where I feel like we provide 90% of her Christmas. And last year I mailed her package 2-day Priority, and I mailed it two full weeks before Christmas, and it sat 20 minutes away at a processing center for two weeks, and then arrived WAY after Christmas (I would be more specific about how long WAY was, but I seem to have blocked it out). So this year I am: (1) planning to mail it ONE FULL MONTH before Christmas, which feels ridiculous but I really did think two weeks was PLENTY OF TIME FOR 2-DAY SHIPPING, and (2) mailing it UPS instead of USPS. So it will probably arrive one-month-minus-three-days before Christmas, but I DO NOT CARE. I am NOT having this happen again. (Also, she stresses me a little by STARTING to add to her gift list, like, less than two weeks before Christmas. But that is a Her problem. Is how I am trying to think about it.)
Another thing to think about is the kids’ gifts. Last year I went Full Pandemic Christmas: I spent quite a bit more than usual, I bought a lot of Group things like games, etc. And, like, all of those games are still in their plastic wrap, because they REALLY DID stop playing games as soon as I gave them all those games. They’d been playing games SEVERAL NIGHTS A WEEK! And apparently I killed it by being enthusiastic/supportive. So this year I am going to prep the kids that we are Dialing Back from last year, but I am also going to press them a little harder for wish lists, and I am also going to submit to the idea that teenagers often want gift cards, even though I notice teenagers often lose gift cards or just, like, never spend them. …Maybe instead I will give them cash.
My go-to for other people (like for a Yankee Swap, or if I really don’t know what to buy someone) is a throw blanket, and/or expensive consumables.
For myself, I want cute graphic t-shirts. I have a whole list of them. They are unfortunately from Amazon, which I am trying to avoid. But: that’s who sells them. And I have a lot of trouble finding t-shirts that don’t shrink horizontally so that they become wide crops. So here we are. If this is the only way I can get a t-shirt that fits well with a picture of a parakeet on it, then so be it.
Oh! I forgot to mention also, for significant other gift-giving or anyone else who merits multiple gifts- I usually go by the tried and true “Something they want, something they need, something to eat, something to read” adage. Is it an adage? I’m not sure now. ANYWAY, I like it because there’s some structure and it makes each piece of the gift feel less fraught- ‘you don’t like the book I got you? That’s fine, I know you’ll like the fancy cookies!’ or comfy slippers or what have you…
Looks like I’m late to the party! 😉
The pest control thing would irritate the life out of me too. If I were to keep the quarterly service, I would ask that they send me the price prior to the service (which they probably wouldn’t do because of the “unpredictable factors”) and, if they can’t do that then I’d wait to see if the bill continues to go up or fluctuate before calling it quits or going back to the way you used to do it on an as needed basis.
Gifts – the pandemic has really put a crimp in my gift buying. Back in the good old days, I would browse through a store (I would try to do this intentionally during the year but would really ramp it up from about now until December) to see if anything caught my eye that I thought a particular someone on my list might like.
So, now that I’m not browsing about in stores, I am mindlessly scrolling trying desperately to find something.
My MIL is equally the hardest to by for and yet, the easiest because she doesn’t need anything and she’s not interested in decorative items (candles, etc.). So for her depending on the occasion, she either gets a giant gift basket of goodies (cookies, candies, coffee, etc.) or I buy her a bunch of inexpensive, little things that I know she likes (nail polish, fancy coffee, Jelly Belly jelly beans – her absolute favorite!, books, etc.). It especially pleases her, if I go the inexpensive, little things route, if I wrap each and every gift separately. She always remarks that “it is SO much fun to unwrap each one!”.
I also like to sit in a quiet place, write out each person I am buying for and think about them and what they like. Then I try to fill in the list with gift ideas – this really helped last year with the endless scrolling because at least I had a jumping off point.
A nice, all around general gift for someone you don’t know that well might be a cozy throw blanket, a wine opener – I can’t think of what it’s called. It sits on a charger and is really easy and effortless to use, a gift basket.
As for what I would like to receive? I usually give my husband and son ideas but generally other than a few standards (my favorite slippers or perfume) is usually something I wouldn’t buy for myself.
Gigi, I love these ideas for your MIL!
Oh man, jumping rope is SUCH a hard workout! I had to do that when I went to that kickboxing gym for one workout and 3 minutes of jumping rope was killer. If I didn’t live on a third-floor apartment, I’d totally get a jump rope for the workout!
My go-to gift these days is always a candle. Or a coffee mug.
And I really wish we could stop the gift giving with the adults in my family, too. I can buy everything I want at this point so it all feels really silly. I try to do an experience gift with my mom since she doesn’t really care about the gifts either.
For a while, at the beginning of the Trump administration when everything felt so grim and dire, the adults in my family of origin all made contributions to various charitable or political causes that seemed to urgently need support in lieu of gifts and then sent each other card saying where we’d sent the $. I kind of wish we’d kept doing it because it’s pretty easy as gift buying goes.
Hey StephLove. We do that. We tried once and it only lasted that year. But then we tried again and now we are 12 years in. Each sib (there are 5) picks the charity they want to see “funded” and shares the info on Thanksgiving. There is no checking on if you did, in fact, support that charity or in truth any charity. But doing it is our gift to one another and I think it generally works out just fin.
A gift idea that has worked well for me and my long distance (like, they are in the US and we are in Japan) family: I got magazine gift subscriptions for everyone based on their various interests. Print magazines feel so rare and special these days but there are so many to choose from and they’re relatively inexpensive.
As for what I actually send to be opened on Christmas Day (or birthday, etc), I have done a couple of different things: make a card with a picture of the magazine on the cover, buy the most recent issue of the magazine with a note indicating that they were subscribed for a year, etc.
I wasn’t sure how the idea would be received but I have been so pleasantly surprised by everyone’s reactions. It’s an unexpected gift, it’s semi-consumable but depending on the magazine you can keep it around for a while (cooking and recipe magazines are evergreen). It shows that you know what the receiver is into so it’s personal. It lasts all year and my MIL sweetly told me that she thinks of me every time her magazine shows up during the month. And if the first issue is delayed or whatever it isn’t YOUR fault so it takes the pressure off of you. As long as the card (or email! Eliminate shipping altogether!) arrives on time, the rest is up to the magazine service.
I’d suggest this for teens, too. Nothing says, “I take you and your interests seriously” like a subscription to a magazine that is typically for adults. My super cool older cousin used to give me her old copies of Vogue when I was 14 or 15 and I have never felt more special in my entire life!