Let’s face it, Three Things Thursday is just Randomosity in a different jacket.
Tonight is the last night of NaBloPoMo, and I am here not through gumption or grit but through gin.
- Kids and Homework: My daughter attends a cushy private school and this is the first year that she has had homework. (I know.) (I was a public school kid; it is very different.) Being a parent while your child works on school projects is its own kind of challenge. You want to be supportive but also encouraging. You want to make sure your kid does their assignments but you want them to have their own autonomy and also you don’t want to exert undue pressure. You want to be available to offer help or support but you don’t want to hover. IT IS VERY CHALLENGING. My husband came to the dinner table tonight and hissed that one of the sentences my daughter wrote didn’t make sense, and he tried to talk it through with her, and she decided to leave it as it was. As a Straight A Student, Ivy League Educated Physician, this is VERY DIFFICULT. But. As his mother kindly pointed out: It is our job as parents to support and encourage. It is the TEACHERS’ job to correct and instruct.
- Cooking for Not My Immediate Family: I made salmon and green beans and potatoes. I followed a recipe. Everything was cooked but it was not great. My husband, who is to-a-fault honest about these things, gave a shoulder-shrugging “meh” when I mouthed “how is it?” across the table to him. And, sadly, I agree. I HATE THAT. I want to be The Best Cook. I want my in laws to go home and talk about my cooking. I want them to request my recipes. I want my mother-in-law to brag about how great a cook her daughter-in-law is when she plays majohng. But the truth is, I am a mediocre home cook. My husband and I have a few recipes we jointly love, and the rest are just meh or winging it. And that’s got to be okay, even if it hurts my ego. The other problem I have is in not having ANY CLUE how much food to make for more people than my husband and myself. I think he and I tend to eat pretty giant portions, so maybe that skews things? But I made WAY too much food. Like, we are going to have to eat multiples of this exact same (mediocre) meal before all the leftovers are gone too much food. I have literally no idea how to figure out the right amount of food to cook. Recipes are no help. One person’s six portions is another person’s three.
- Introverting Hard: Tonight, my husband was falling asleep, my father-in-law was falling asleep, and my mother-in-law was on the phone, so I nudged my husband and told him I was going to bed. Yes, it was 9:10 pm. He narrowed his sleepy eyes at me and said, “But you aren’t really going to bed, are you.” This is after having come into our bedroom last night 45 minutes or so after I’d excused myself to go to bed, and I was sitting in our bedroom typing on the computer. I NEED TIME TO MYSELF, MAN. How does he not know this, after 15 years of marriage and 22 years of being together???? I am worn out! The thing is, I had a FABULOUS day. My in laws were out of the house all day, doing whatever it is they do when they visit. My husband was able to pick up my daughter from school. I had nearly unadulterated alone time from 9:00 to 5:00 and it was BEAUTIFUL. So why, after a mere two hours with my in laws, am I ready to throw in the towel and secrete myself away in my bedroom? Because I am the introvertest of introverts, I guess.
Well. That’s all I’ve got tonight, Internet. Thanks for sticking with me, these past 30 days of NaBloPoMo. I cannot promise to post tomorrow, but I am sure I will be back soon with inane topics to discuss. In the meantime, I appreciate you for reading. And thank you, so much, to San for leading the charge.
30 days done and dusted!!!!!!
Sigh, I’ve been there many times where something I’ve cooked has been meh-to-fine when cooking for others. I don’t have an answer I just have the problem. And YES I NEED MY ALONE TIME OKAY?????? Last night we had an occasion to do a family movie night in the middle of the week and it was lovely but it cut into my solo time. I run on rechargeable batteries and when they don’t get their recharging time it shows.
I get a lot of anxiety around cooking for other people that are not my immediate family. There’s just so many unknowns- everyone has their own preferences, food likes and dislikes, etc. What may seem like an obvious slam dunk to me may be a total no go for someone else. I also feel that while I cook lots of things that taste really good, I don’t know that I always “cook things right”. Does that make sense? Like I never officially “learned to cook” and tend to kinda wing it. So while things usually turn out ok, I get weirdly nervous if someone watches me cook, because I worry maybe I’m not doing things in the right order or how you’re “supposed” to. Fortunately I don’t have to really formally entertain guests too often, not counting my parents who are very chill and are also really happy to go out to dinner a lot when they come to visit. 😅
Great job on 30 days of blogging! I’ve never done it and I certainly have more time than you. I understand the need for space and privacy although as a retired widow, I often get a bit too much of that. I remember having my daughters here, my husband and 1000 things to do and I both miss/don’t miss those times.
So even though I live next door to my MIL we haven’t shared a meal in…I don’t know. Years? It’s been years. Maybe Thanksgiving 2020? I can’t remember, honestly. She’s not interested in coming over for dinner, which suits me fine. However, I was making a huge Sunday dinner and I made her up a plate to take over. It had a kale salad and roasted broccoli (which were delicious) and roast potatoes, roast beef, and gravy. And let me tell you my family raves about this. She thought it was “good” (I’ll let you guess the inflection) but the vegetables disagreed with her. So. That’s my most mainstream meal that I thought she’d like, and so I have not tried with anything else because I just don’t think she’d enjoy my cooking since other than Sundays, most meals are vegetarian-with-meat-on-the-side. Anyway what I’m saying is who knows what other people are going to like and I feel secondhand stress thinking of what it’s like for you having in-laws in the house for days on end, providing meals for them.
When M moved out, it took me a while to figure out portioning. Sometimes I still make way too much food but luckily, J will always eat it the next day.
I need to send you my new “Busy Introverting” mug. Did you see the meme on Gigi’s blog the other day? It is SPOT on for me. “I’m not anti-social. I’m selectively social.” Amen.
I need/crave/want SO MUCH ALONE TIME. Which is hard, you know, when you have a spouse and kids and life! I get this post very much, my friend. And the food issue. And the homework conundrum.
Hugs. Also, you’re going through a lot. A move. Sickness and changed plans. Give yourself lots of grace, please <3
Homework – the cause of so much family stress! I remember that condrum of stepping in vs letting them figure it out/get it wrong sometimes. Thankfully my older kids mostly do it on their own now. Last night when my high school kid asked me questions about her Algebra 2 and Adavanced Chem homework, I was So out of my league! I love math and science but my brain certainly didn’t retain All The Details from those classes. Ugh, I dislike making food for guests that doesn’t turn out great. My daughter’s boyfriend takes culinary classes at school and knows some things. There is extra pressure to make something delicious when he’s here. If it’s a flop, we usually talk about how the recipe could be better over dinner. And often now my kids cook too so they know that food doesn’t always turn out the way you plan.
Congrats on 30 days of blogging – what a feat! I would have happily eaten your salmon dinner, everything tastes better to me when someone else cooks it!
I felt that introverting topic so deeply. My little family knows that no matter the length of an outing or gathering (even just standing with the other parents to pick up Lil Momma from her school walk), I need time by myself to reset. LM is not a fan of this – her cup is filled by together time, all the time – but we are working through it. It has, in the past, led to me faking headaches when staying with relatives to have a break, going “to bed” incredibly early when on a girls trip, and hiding in the car when on a group shopping trip….
Is 9:10 early? I would love to be in bed by 9:30 every night and lights out by 10, but it’s really hard to do. If 9:10 was available to me, I would RELISH the extra reading time!
Congrats on finishing NaBloPoMo! I was always so excited to find a post from you in my reader!
I know what you mean about recipe portions. I made a stroganoff sauce a couple days ago and almost cut it in half but then decided it would be nice to have leftovers, but then neither of the kids liked it, so now we have A LOT of stroganoff sauce and I’ve already had it for lunch once.
Congrats on finisning NaBloPoMo.
Sigh. I hate cooking for other people, but when I do, I fall back on a tried and true recipe. Always.
For the salmon, rescue it by making a good sauce. Or can you put it in a salad? I detest salmon, so I’m lost here.
As a former teacher, thank you for letting your child do her own project. It’s important, and we can always tell when the parent Helps too much.
I am with you on needing to go up to bed early to decompress. My husband knows that just because I am going up to bed doesn’t mean I am actually going to sleep. I have a wind down routine that is mostly reading.
I’m not a stellar home cook either but I don’t have time to be a stellar home cook. Maybe in my retirement I will. This week our newspaper published the cookie recipe contest winners. I read through the recipes and thought – who in the f has time for these recipes? They had so many steps involved. It must be something retired people do? So maybe I’ll make some amazing 12-step cookies when I am 60 or something. Until then, I’m team mail it in.
I totally get it about Introverting! It’s all about recharging the batteries, whether the socializing experience has been wonderful or terrible. We’ll completely burn out if we don’t take care of our needs and have some alone, quiet time. So you did the right thing!
I would hate having my inlaws stay with us. You are doing a great job. That is not early for an introvert. Having people in your home who do not live there is also very draining. That also exhausts us.
Congratulations on finishing Nablopomo!
Finishing NaBloPoMo is a major accomplishment. Way to go! As an introvert I total get it. It’s your space, your comfort zone and there are people invading it. You always feel like you have to be “on”. You have to entertain, you feel like you have to impress or perform perfectly so they don’t judge. It’s exhausting. I get it totally. No matter how sweet and nice your guests are, you still feel that way. They won’t care, but unfortunately you do.
You didn’t kinda/sorta do NaBloPoMo, you did it! And thanks! It’s been fun having SO much fun blog content to read this month. 🙂 Hope you feel the extra-nice relief of NOT having to post for a day or two.
Congrats on NaBloPoMo!
Portions are such a tricky thing. We are like you and eat bigger portions and usually make more to have leftovers, but sometimes when we have guests they eat so little and I am always like 😮
And sorry you feel that way about your cooking skills and that you have to eat more of the mediocre meal!
Nothing wrong with wanting more time to yourself after that!
HUGE THANK YOUS for writing!
Ok, I have to question your husband’s response to the meal; since we all know salmon isn’t his favorite to begin with. I imagine the portioning part IS hard (The Husband has always had this problem); but instead of repeating the exact same meal with the leftovers switch it up. As Nance suggested, use it in a salad (I don’t like salmon in a salad for some reason; but many people do!) or make po’ boys, or salmon patties. With the green beans, you could make green bean bundles wrapped in bacon and baked with a butter/brown sugar glaze.
Introverts unite! Several times during the reception, I had to slip away for a few minutes just to be alone.
Once again I’m wondering if bloggers just tend to be introverts. I’m reading over the comments and it seems like most people can totally relate, myself included. i just find it very stressful to have other people (non-family) in my house, no matter how much I love them. It sounds like your husband does know you- he knew you weren’t really going to bed (even if he can’t totally understand it.) Anyway… congrats on completing NaBloPoMo!
I remember once my MIL was here during a busy week with little kids, and I half-assed dinner, and I knew she’d be okay with it, but then when I served it I hated it and was mad at myself. So dumb. I’m not a fantastic cook either. I’m too squeamish about too many foods and I have a horror of undercooked meat or fish so I tend to overcook. I’m good at a few things and sometimes I figure out to combine a couple of recipes and come up with something sort of impressive, but that’s it.
I am getting worse at the introvert thing as I get older. I was telling my friends about a day last week when I got home after a full day of elementary school classes in the library and my husband was home early and I love him, but I almost cried at not getting my hour of quiet before he got home.
I am with you on the introverting; when I have people over, I always go to bed early, which means I read or whatever (although I do also go to sleep early)! My family will stay up and watch movies and talk and I am happy they are having fun, but I get overtired by having a lot of people around me, even if I love spending time with them!
30 days of posting.Congrats to you. And I finally managed to read through all of them. Basically binge-blog-reading. I am sorry I wasn’t here to cheer along the way.
The homework thing is tough! I know, after a certain point I was not able to assist my girls so much with homework…they’d surpassed me. 😳
I seem to make the best meals when it’s just two of us and not when we have company. I get you, Suzanne
Having people in your home, whether they are high or low maintenance can be tiring.
You did itttt! And with so much on your plate this month. Congrats!
I need SO MUCH alone time. That’s what makes being in a relationship hard because I need to give a lot of time to them, but then there’s also family and friends and other hobbies and balancing it all WHILE balancing my need for alone time is very tricky.
Oh, Suzanne. I feel you on the cooking-for-others challenges, from the portions to the wanting to get it right and never feeling like I quite do. My worst experience was cooking for long-time friends and their kids, then staying up all night worrying that I had given them food poisoning. Despite the fact that I was completely fine. I was so freaked out until they showed up (healthy, of course) the next morning. Sigh.
And CONGRATS! You did it. You really, really did it. 🙂