While I feel completely subsumed by the Christmas Machine right now, I am kind of weary of writing about Christmas at this point. (I am not weary of reading about Christmas, in any shape or form.) Fortunately, I can still address some of the wonderful, thought-provoking questions lovely readers submitted via my Ask Me Anything form during NaBloPoMo.
The questions I am responding to today are all about writing.
Cait writes, “Would love an update on writing goals.”
Stephany of Stephany Writes asks, “Can you tell us more about the book(s?) you’ve written? You don’t have to tell us the plot, but I’m interested in how you wrote it, how much time you’ve spent editing it, and if you want to get it published.”
Considering that I have attempted to answer these questions multiple times and still find myself staring at a blank page, I think it’s safe to say that my feelings about writing are complicated.
My goal is to be a writer. More specifically, I would love to publish a book via the traditional publishing route. This is obviously a pie-in-the-sky dream, but I haven’t given up on it yet. Some days, I wish I had never told anyone that I want to be a writer, because I feel like I am a spectacular failure at that goal; that I am wasting my life and my college degree; that I am a disappointment to all those who invested in my future. Some days, I feel like I am already a writer, and the publishing thing would be a fantastic bonus, but is more likely just wishful thinking. All days, I feel extremely grateful to my husband, who supports my goals and my dreams while also ensuring that the three of us have a roof over our head and food on our plates and internet to address all the weird questions I come up with while writing. He and I check in with each other now and again; I want to know if he continues to feel okay with me writing and not earning anything substantial, he wants to know if I still find writing fulfilling. (Which is again a very complicated question with lots of complex feelings.) The bottom line is that I am living a dream life. I get to write as much as I want, about whatever I want. Who could ask for more, seriously? I am so fortunate and so grateful.
At this point, I have completed Manuscript 1. It is a novel in the domestic suspense genre about a woman who returns to her remote Montana home to care for her estranged mother and try to track down the father she never knew. (Yick. I really need to work on amping up my log lines.)
I started Manuscript 1 in 2017, completed editing the eighth draft on October 1, 2021 and sent it out to beta readers. (Beta readers, mine in particular, are angels of patience and kindness, full of supportive comments and insightful suggestions.) After the beta readers read and commented, I made edits and began querying agents in April of this year. I have had one request for a full manuscript and one request for a partial; three agents never responded at all. This is a roundabout way of saying that I haven’t really had any bites, which is slightly discouraging but also completely expected. From what I understand, querying agents is a numbers game, so the more queries I submit the better my chances of finding someone who is interested. I stopped querying in October, because one agent gave me some feedback that I thought was interesting and relevant (she was also the only agent who gave any feedback at all), and because I had the big volunteer event in November to prepare for.
So Manuscript 1 is back in the editing stage. I am hoping that I will be able to make the changes quickly so I can get back to querying in January… however (and this will be a surprise to NO ONE reading this post), this novel is WAY too long; it is 155,000 words or 401 pages, and I need to get it down – ideally – to around 100,000-120,000 words. So I am hoping to do a lot of chopping during this revision as well.
In addition to the novel I completed, I am in the middle of writing two others. (Technically, there are three others, but the third is one I haven’t worked on in several years. I really like it, though, and want to return to it someday.)
Manuscript 2 is a thriller about a woman who moves to a small town that just happens to be home to her exact doppelgänger, who seems bent on ruining her life. Currently, it has about 63,000 words or 160 pages. I would estimate that the first draft is about 60-70% complete.
Manuscript 3 is a thriller about a woman whose childhood best friend is nearly killed in a car accident in an isolated place she had no reason to be, and told no one about. Currently, it stands at around 38,000 words or 100 pages.
My biggest writing challenges are focus and confidence. I have no problem, as you may have guessed by now, writing abundantly. What I have a problem with is hunkering down and treating my writing like the job it is, rather than like a hobby. I get distracted by houseguests and housework and volunteer projects and recovering from houseguests/volunteer projects and Christmas prep and blog posts and paying assignments and meal planning and gift buying and birthday party/summer camp planning and bank nonsense. I rely too heavily on “inspiration” and tend to fall back on line edits instead of pushing forward. I need to sit at my computer for X hours a day and just work on my manuscripts.
But that’s the symptom, really, not the disease. The disease is that I feel like I am a failure destined to fail, a disappointment destined to disappoint, a person who wants to be a writer but doesn’t have what it takes to do it, and those beliefs become self-fulfilling prophecies. There is nothing standing in my way except me.
Anyway. That’s where things stand. I am so incredibly lucky to be doing, each day, exactly what I want to do. I don’t want anyone to think, for one minute, that I am not painfully, humbly grateful. Nicole recently posted a quote that has resonated deeply with me: Gratitude is the first step to joy. I am trying to put my energy into being grateful that this is my life, rather than lamenting the fact that it hasn’t panned out exactly the way I wanted it to. I plan to continue writing and querying and trying to ignore the contemptuous voices inside my head. Hopefully, I will eventually write my way out of this paralyzing self-doubt and maybe even someday earn the generous support that enables me to spend my time absorbed in this frivolous wonderful thing I love with all my heart.
Thank you, Cait and Stephany, for the questions! If I have not yet addressed a question you submitted, I plan to. I appreciate every question and topic idea, and hope to get through them all, although it may take a minute. Feel free to submit additional questions if you have any!
Wow! You have completed a WHOLE ENTIRE book and people have read it and have opinions. That is so very impressive. I’m in awe. I think sharing it with other people (beta readers, agents, etc.) must be so scary and I’m so proud of you for your bravery and getting it done!
First? I want to give you the biggest bear hug because…I am in AWE and you are incredible! I think self-doubt is a plague for all women, but especially those of us (waving hand wildly) that don’t have a clear-cut “career path”. There is a reason we laud those in the creative arts because it is SO hard to live and work through self-doubt. So kudos to you. You’re amazing. Three manuscripts, including one that has been sent to beta readers and agents? This is huge!!
Second? I want to read EVERY SINGLE ONE OF those books! Seriously. Every plot sounds incredible and I was sitting here re-reading your descriptions and feeling 100% bummed I cannot order this book immediately because…um…I NEED TO KNOW WHAT HAPPENS! Why was the friend in that isolated spot? To what lengths with the doppelgänger go? Does the Montano character find her father?
Third? Let me know if you need an extra beta reader; hint, hint, oh (not-so) subtle hint.
I’ve always felt like that constant churn of “can I…?” or “am I…?” is part of being a writer. Even when you’re doing it and the words are flowing, you have to wonder if the ease (or identity) is fleeting… Congrats on doing the thing and being amidst the process! Queries seem so intimidating.
Well, I have feelings about this. I know for a fact that you are a very talented writer with a real gift for character and plot development. I know that you have some self-doubt and maybe even imposter syndrome, but I am just going to say FROM MY KNOWLEDGED-BASED VANTAGE POINT that you are a really excellent writer.
I think finding an agent is just a bitch of a job. I have a girlfriend who tried for years to get one, but ended up self-publishing and it turned out to be a really good avenue for her. Just saying! It’s an option.
Also, I hear you when you wonder about not earning substantial income. I feel that often.
All three of those plotlines are intriguing to me, and you know I’m not the biggest fan of thrillers! So good job! I, too, kinda want to be a beta reader please please pretty please! 😉
You are going to be published, I’m just sure of it. You’re a gifted writer. How nice of that agent to give you such helpful feedback! I look forward to more updates on this topic, friend! Youv’e got this.
I cannot wait until the day when I get to click the pre-order button for all three books plus the ones waiting to be written. It’s not an if, it’s a when. You’ve gotten further than 99% of people who want to be published authors, you’ll get the other 1%.
I hear you on the self-doubt – unfortunately, I think we all (particularly women) feel that in some shape or another. But, you truly are a gifted writer and every single description of those soon to be published books sound right up my alley and I will be the first in line to buy them.
And, by the by, just how does one land a gig of being on your list of beta readers? 😉
I read this with rapt attention because I am in a very similar situation. I’m a “professional writer” (in scare quotes because I don’t make tons of $$ at it) and my husband is the main breadwinner in our house. I write nonfiction, which is a little different in the sense that I think it is easier to get a contract but harder to actually sell books. I’ve published one book (in 2007) and have another one (supposedly) being released in March, and both times I sort of fell backwards into a contract. I guess I can say I’ve succeeded at publishing but failed at making money. I will tell you that my main collaborator does a lot of self publishing and he does quite well with it financially. I think this may be the way of the future, so don’t dismiss it as a possibility, especially in your genre which is crazy popular (for good reason— I love that genre). Tl;dr I get it… or I think I do anyway.
I love your writing style — so I have no doubt your novels are great and you’ll be published! I will be one of the first buyers of your first book! Mystery/thriller is my favorite by a long way so this is all so exciting to me so I would love to read them all! Great job, Suzanne….don’t lose hope! Self-doubt is always there, it seems — but you can do this! I have faith!
First of all- what everyone else said. You have lots of supportive fans here and it’s well-deserved. Second- I don’t know much about this but I do know a lot of very accomplished authors started off self-published. Is that a possible route for you? Like I said, I don’t know much but I’m just throwing it out there.
I had no idea you were writing novels, Suzanne. How did I miss this? I feel like I’ve been reading for a while now… but I also have to say, I enjoy your writing a lot and I can absolutely see you taking it to a novel level. It’s hard to put yourself out there, so kudos for even trying…
I have guilt sometimes about working a part-time, low-to-moderate stress job while Beth works a full-time, high-stress one. I also have what-ifs about what would it would have been like if I could have found a college teaching job that would have made better use of my degree. I used to write fiction when I was a kid/teen/young adult and I don’t even think about that much any more, mostly because the ideas don’t come to me like they used to. Which is all to say I’m glad you’re living your dream, even if it come with some self-doubt.
This is also my dream! But I am much less prolific than you are– love this glimpse into your process.
I just want to echo what so many of these other commenters have said, WAY TO FRIGGIN GO, SUZANNE! You wrote an entire book! You edited it, sent it out to beta readers, edited it some more, sent it out for queries! THAT IS A HUGE THING THAT MOST PEOPLE NEVER GET TO. I can say that as someone who has had the dream of writing a book, but I just don’t have the focus and drive to really sit down and do it like you have. I am SO impressed and I think you should be really proud of your progress.
Oh wow that sounds like you are a writer already to me. I am sure the right agent is just around the corner.
I am wondering through why you need to reduce the page/words on manuscript one? I love long books and always wonder why so many are raging around 280-320 pages. Is that some set industry rule so they sell better?
Wow. Just, Wow. You ARE a writer. And as someone who also has imposter syndrome, I am way beyond impressed that you have put your writing out there, repeatedly. And you’ve gotten interest! Yay! Keep at it – can’t wait to read them WHEN they come out!