This week, I am chipping away at some of the creative, thought-provoking questions readers have been asking. This round of lovely questions is all about blogging.
From JoyMarieCooks of Vegan Husband, Omnivore Wife:
How did you decide to blog and what’s been (a) the best thing (b) the most surprising thing and (c) the worst thing about blogging?
The first blogs I ever read were wedding planning blogs, way back in 2007. It must have been from Wedding Bee that I found the first personal blogs I started reading, although I can’t really remember which blogs they were. Almost none of those blogs I read from the beginning exist today. But what struck me was that they were so friendly, so conversational, and that they mostly seemed to be about women like me, who were newly engaged or married and who just wanted to chat about their experiences.
When my husband and I moved to a brand new city in a brand new state so he could begin his medical residency, I started this blog. I can’t remember my exact reasoning, only that I’d been thinking about it for a long time. Since I worked remotely, and had just moved to a place where I knew almost no one, I thought it would be a good way to process my thoughts about wifehood and moving and being married to a doctor.
The most surprising thing about blogging is how important it has become to me. It’s a potent combination of diary and slumber party, maybe? I can be honest here in a way I feel I can’t be elsewhere – I can talk about the minutiae of day-to-day life without watching anyone’s eyes glaze over, I feel like I can be chatty with friends with no worries about whether people are gossiping about me behind my back. (Although maybe they are; who knows.) There was a time when life felt too busy and stressful to blog regularly, and I missed it and I am so glad that it is a regular feature of my life again.
The worst thing about blogging is that the friendships don’t translate into real life. I can’t call you up and say, “Hey, I’m bringing over cookies and wine!” or invite you over to watch reruns of Schitt’s Creek. I want to do that. Although I admit I’m a little afraid, too – what if you don’t like Real Life Suzanne? (I am mainly the same as Blog Suzanne, just less wordy and much more awkward.) So even as this community uplifts me and makes me feel included and supported and part of something, it can also be a little lonely.
From Ally of The Spectacled Bean:
As a longtime blogger thinking about your approach to personal blogging, which is more important to you: writing your own posts then replying to all the comments you’ve received– OR reading other bloggers’ posts and leaving comments for them? That is, do you see your role primarily as a creator or a coach?
This is SUCH a thought-provoking question. I’ve been considering it for a long time. Starting at the end of the question, I have literally never thought of myself in terms of either a creator or a coach. I suppose if I were to put a label on myself, and what I do here, I would call myself a community member. My blog isn’t geared toward anything in particular; it’s just me, posting about my silly little life, trying to engage with other people. The writing part is valuable for me, because it allows me to work through my own thoughts, allows me to empty my brain. But the engagement is even more valuable, because it enables me to feel like I belong to something big and warm and friendly. Maybe most bloggers are more intentional about their goals as a blogger, or their designs for content, and that’s great. But for me, it’s more of a conversation.
That said, I don’t think I have a specific philosophy about commenting. I try to read all the blogs I can, and comment on them as frequently as possible. Sometimes I try to respond to comments on my posts, but I don’t respond to all of them; perhaps to my detriment, I don’t know. I like it when other bloggers respond to my comments, but I don’t mind it when they don’t. And sometimes it doesn’t feel “right” to respond, or sometimes I don’t have time, or I can’t find the right way to say what I want to say. I do, however, read every single comment anyone posts, and appreciate the time and energy required both to read my lengthy droning and to share your thoughts.
From Stephany of Stephany Writes:
What made you decide to make (and keep!) your blog completely anonymous?
At first, I think the decision was made out of embarrassment? Or maybe shyness is a more accurate term? I wanted to write things, maybe personal things, and I didn’t want anyone to know it was ME writing them. (That’s so dumb, because I feel like the people reading this do know me. Maybe even know me better, in some ways, than people who don’t read this blog.) Then it became a matter of me wanting to write about things that I wouldn’t necessarily want connected back to my husband – like, do his patients need to read a post about how cute I think he looks in scrubs? No, they do not.
While the latter is still true, I also think that the anonymity is for my sake. My mom read my blog for awhile (and still may; I don’t know and prefer not to!) and when I thought about her reading my posts, my writing felt stilted, like I was being watched. I’ve had a couple of real-life/pre-blogging friends read this blog, and that was okay, but it still felt a little uncomfortable. Like has your spouse/parent/sibling ever looked over your shoulder while you were writing an email or a text? A perfectly ordinary, non-controversial, non-scandalous email or text? I hate that; it makes me very self-conscious. Knowing people I know in the offline world read my blog is kind of like that feeling.
At one point, I got word that someone who knew my husband read this blog… maybe she still does, I don’t know. But THAT was super awkward, because I felt like everything I said reflected on him. Now I didn’t have to just worry that my mom was wondering HOW I’d gotten through college using quite so many exclamation points, but I had to worry that my husband’s colleagues were thinking he was married to a weird overly enthusiastic dolt. It sucks, but my writing does reflect on him, in a way. I think that’s part of the reason that I don’t like to discuss politics or Big Subjects – because I don’t want anyone misconstruing my poorly-constructed thoughts as his. (The other part is that the world is FULL of intelligent – and not – discourse on Big Subjects that we can choose to read. Plus, that’s not what I want to write about, so I don’t write about it.) Also, I do write a lot about my experiences parenting here… and I don’t want Carla to be googleable because of that.
I would say that at this point, it’s a very loose approximation of anonymity. But that’s okay. I like the facade.
Thank you all so much for your questions! If you have any other questions you’d like me to answer, about blogging or anything else, feel free to fill out my Ask Me Anything form.
It seems as though I am doing NaBloPoMo this month, which is 30 blog posts in 30 days. (Will I make it??? Only time will tell.) Details at San’s blog here.
There are definitely times that I wish my blog was anonymous. I started mine in 2008. I had a Paris/France blog that I used to keep family updated on my 3 week trip to France that summer and then several family members said I should keep it going. So I know there are IRL people who read my blog. In fact, a friend of Phil’s that I don’t know well reads my blog – but my own husband doesn’t! Ha! He told Phil he likes knowing what we are up to/reading about our life. My blog was a topic of conversation at our wedding because I had 2 tables of blog friends that came from all over – Canada, California, NY, NC, Boston, Chicago, etc. So that was one perk of not being anonymous. I made really great friendships through blogging. At that time, my college friends were all getting married and having kids and I very much was not. So blogging gave me a way to meet women with similar interests. I used to do an annual running trip with blog friends but we haven’t since 2013, I think! I’d like to bring that tradition back now that we are all done having kids!
I wish I was on wordpress so I could respond to comments. Blogger is not set up for that at all! And so many of my commenters don’t have an email address associated with their profile. So sometimes I will respond via email if they ask a question. But that is pretty rare!
I’m glad that I’ve “met” you through blogging, though, and lots of other wonderful women. Of the women who attended my wedding, only 1 is still blogging and not very regularly. So my community really dwindled but has been reinvigorated this past year!
How wonderful that you met so many good friends via blogging! I don’t think I’ve ever met another blogger face-to-face (that I know of).
Actually, you can respond to comments on Blogger but I don’t think the responses are sent via email unless the click the Notify me of new comments box. The not having an email address attached to the profile is so vexing. Back in the day, everyone did and that was how I used to respond…straight into their inbox.
I for one know that I would LOVE Real Life Suzanne and in fact we could totally watch Schitt’s Creek and drink wine, and maybe throw in some chips and salsa?
I love how you describe it as a diary and sleepover. I feel that same way. I also know what you mean, with regards your husband. I never name him or put him in photos, but let’s be honest, it wouldn’t be hard for anyone to figure that one out. I am open on IG after all. But I never talk about his profession and I don’t like talking politics anyway. Some of my aunts read my blog, and my mom does too. My sons do NOT, they could not be less interested. But they know I have a blog and they know that they are mentioned in it.
These questions are so good and thought-provoking! Unlike mine about karaoke! SOME OF US ARE SERIOUS ABOUT KARAOKE.
No lie, Nicole, every time I find myself belting out a song lately I think, “Should THAT be my karaoke song?” It was a question with a lasting impact LOL.
Yes! I understood the diary part but the sleepover part didn’t click until just now. BRILLIANT!!!
My priority is reading blogs==>writing my blog==>leaving and answering comments when I can.
We could all make some really great prank calls together.
I loved this peek into the how/why behind why you blog. And I can relate on so many levels. My blog is anonymous but I’m pretty sure someone could figure it out if they stumbled over it. I don’t think anyone in my real life circle knows about it. And I get the feeling about being more guarded and stilted if someone you know is reading it. Combo diary/slumber party is the perfect description of our types of blogs. And I love it.
I’m also know for an absolute fact that I would adore the Real Life Suzanne as much as the Blogger Suzanne. Why? Because I think when we blog (especially anonymously) we are more inclined to show who we really are versus the face we share in “the real world.” And that persona that you share via this blog is a delight.
One more post to go!
I can say with 10,000% certainty I would love Real Life Suzanne!
As a newbie blogger (less than 1.5 years!), yes, yes, yes to this: “It’s a potent combination of diary and slumber party.” What a perfect encapsulation of the blogging experience.
You know, I had wondered if Carla was her real name or not. When I was thinking of starting my blog, I was considering using childhood nicknames for the kids, Bear and Bug, and calling it The Adventures of Bear and Bug.
Fun questions and fun answers! I agree that the worst part about blogging is NOT being able to call up these friends and pop over for wine! Blogging is such an interesting hobby. I love reading them, and I do think it allows us to be our real selves, and relieve our ever-churning minds by putting words on the page. That’s why I still do it, even though I made mine private years ago for various reasons (although, if anyone who is part of THIS community would like to read mine, feel free to send me a request via email).
Yours is one of my favorites, Suzanne, so thank you!
thrash428 at yahoo, I should have included
These questions about our prioritizes and reasons for blogging are so challenging. I don’t have a blogging philosophy and now I’m starting to wonder if I should!
Do you think you ever would meet a bloggy friend in person? If someone was going to be in your general geographic area and it was a long-time reader and they asked to meet you for coffee or tea? Or would that be weird?
I, too, love the diary/slumber party comparison. Well said. I’m enjoying these insights. I like to be able to share what is going on without having to worry about bumping into people who then know all that is going on in my world. I keep my blog anonymous, well – mostly. Coach insisted on that to protect the kids’ privacy, because they do lots of ‘stuff.’ And of course, he wanted to be sure Mary Ann didn’t catch wind. I have a few close friends who have access to it. I regret sharing my blog with one guy, whose kids are friends with my kids. He’s a writer and he asked for it, but I wish I’d kept him out of the loop. Anyway, all that to say, I relate.
You are SO Meta. 😳
I suppose I’m weird about my blog because I blogged primarily for my Mom (at the start), and I only shared it with a small group of friends and family. There are some family members that I would never, ever share it with because they’d be at my door wanting to move in with me.
Thanks for answering my question. You did so brilliantly. This question is one that I was asked when I started blogging. The woman who asked it was a marketing guru. I had no answer. Over the years I’ve come to realize that once you decide how you’ll envision yourself as a blogger, Creator or Coach, it’s much easier to keep on keeping on. I started out thinking of myself as a Coach, but came to realize I’m a Creator.
I wish I could watch Schitt’s Creek with Real Life Suzanne! I have met a few bloggers in person, like Lisa and hopefully Jenny soon. And I always feel so nervous like I’m going to be so awkward and we’re not going to have anything to talk about. HA. And it’s always so much fun because we’re friends! We read each other’s blogs and know each other’s (mostly) innermost thoughts. Of course we’ll have plenty to talk about! So funny how our brains do that.
Obviously, my blog is not anonymous but it is really, really weird when I realize WHO is reading my blog. My mom reads it sporadically and so do some of my IRL friends, and it’s so strange when they bring something up I wrote on my blog! It’s like I’m suddenly naked!!
“The worst thing about blogging is that the friendships don’t translate into real life.” THIS! I mean, it’s the part of most people living a gazillion miles away and so it’s not feasible to get together… I don’t have a big local social circle so my online friends really feel like real friends.
And I have met other bloggers before, like Lisa, and it was amazing how easily the online friendship translated to IRL friendship. It wasn’t awkward at all because you felt like you already knew each other.
I totally relate to what you said about feeling self-conscious when offline people read your blog. I feel the same way and am very reluctant to tell anyone that I know offline that I have a blog (even though it could be potentially found).
I mean, I am not sharing any secrets (obviously), but it would still very much stifle my writing/sharing, I think.
Oh my. The first part of the answer to Ally’s question is like you are inside my head. Exactly what I think I just couldn’t put it in words.
In commenting I have a different approach I guess. I answer every comment on my blog.
And then my ambition is to comment every blogpost I read. That is a struggle as at times I don’t find the rights words or have nothing to say. So I do skip occasionally. But I think even though blogging is a community thing it is also lonely. Especially if there is no feedback. And so I try to leave at least a thank you for the post or something so the writer knows someone has read it. I don’t know… maybe it is unnecessary.
It can be lonely, I agree. Thank you for commenting — but know I never expect it. No pressure to say something if you can’t think of the right words or if a post doesn’t resonate. ❤️
Exactly what San said, and Tobia – blogging is wonderful, and I’m SO GLAD that i have virtually met so many people through blogging who really seem like, well, friends. But I don’t know them in real life. However! I am 100% sure that I would click with you and the other bloggers on my “Favorites” list in person, as well. You are so authentic – and so open, despite the anonymity.
Meanwhile, my blog is a weird mix of “you could totally figure out who I am” and “I don’t share any pictures or link to any other social media”. So I’m… semi-anonymous?
Anyway, PLEASE keep writing. I love what you share, and how you share it.
This is so kind, Anne! Thank you so much 😊