I am in the market for a gift for a child that I don’t know all that well.

That sounds… odd. So let’s come up with some background details about my particular relationship to this semi-known child.

Let’s say I want to find a gift for the child of someone I sing with in the church choir. So… I know the parent, and I know him in the way that you know someone you see every week for years on end. For instance, I know his spouse’s name and maybe I’ve even stopped to chat if we see each other in Target. I know his kids’ names and I made a plate of cookies for him when his father died last year. His spouse helped volunteer for the donation drive I managed a couple of years ago. Maybe he and I have been in a group text about who’s bringing bagels on a given week. So we know each other, but we don’t know each other well. Similarly, I know his child in the way that you know a child who occasionally sits in the front pew every week during choir practice, and who sometimes reads a Bible verse when the Sunday School comes in for the children’s sermon, and who runs around shrieking with your own child during church potlucks. I know the child well enough to say hello, and to ask how school is, but I don’t necessarily know what the child’s favorite colors are or what they are into these days or whether they own all the Pokémon figures or if they only wear pink. 

This scenario is completely made up, but I hope it helps paint the picture of the relationship in a clear-enough way.

Anyway. This child has been in an accident; it has been extremely stressful and worrisome for the entire family and of course the poor child. The parents have been at the hospital; there have been churchwide efforts to help with childcare. The parent I know emailed the entire choir with an update, so we all have a few very limited details like the child has survived the accident and will be in the hospital for a short time and then will come home and be in a neck brace. It sounds like the recovery will be lengthy, and that the child will be stuck in bed for awhile, but the duration is unknown.

The idea that a child so close to Carla’s age could endure something so awful – well, I’m sure you know what that proximity to near-death feels like, and all the complex emotions it raises. 

My brain has chosen to channel this proximal fear and horror into a compulsion to buy something for this child. It literally feels like the least I can do. But maybe also it would be useful, to help the child get through what promises to be a painful recovery. And maybe it would indicate, to child and parents, just how loved this child is – by people even at the fringes of their circles. Knowing that someone cares about your child offers a kind of comfort. 

I am going into the gift buying process without ANY KNOWLEDGE of what the kid likes or doesn’t like or already has. This kid is a second-grade girl who has older siblings, if that helps in any way. My own child was a second-grade girl in the recent past, so you would think that would help but it does not. You might also assume that many years of buying birthday presents for my child’s classmates might help me here, but again, no.

(Please note that I am not going to text the child’s parent for more information. It is too stressful a time for them. Nor has any one of our mutual friends stepped forward as The Point of Contact, so there’s no one else I can ask. I have brainstormed with a couple of other people in the choir, but we are all kind of at a loss.)

In some ways, I think that it doesn’t matter what the gift is, because hopefully the novelty will help. But in other ways, I would like it to be a good gift. Something that helps make the time pass. Something that isn’t too painful to use/operate. Something that provides a welcome respite from what will surely be a LOT of screen time. 

One thing I’m considering is a lap desk. Maybe something like this, that has a spot for a glass (or pencils) and some cubbies for crayons or coloring books. 

Or this one has a little compartment in which you can store papers and pencils, plus it has a little slot in which you can stow an iPad. It is awfully small, though. 

I think I would also want to buy some easy-to-use toys. Like Wikki-stix, maybe? Those were an enduring favorite of Carla’s, maybe even into second grade. And I think they could be used even if head/neck mobility is limited. Pop-Tubesare fun, too. Or Monkey Noodles. 

Play-Doh came to mind as something that could be operated easily… but then I started thinking about how messy and crumbly Play-Doh can be. Monkey Foam might be a good alternative. Still moldable, but won’t dry out or crumble or smear into the carpet/bedding (I hope). 

Paint by stickers books are another enduring favorite of Carla’s. Maybe they would be soothing/diverting for someone in bed for endless hours?

Speaking of stickers: I was thinking about how, when you break a limb, your classmates can sign your cast. I think it makes it interactive for the kids, plus it also helps make it less scary for everyone and less of an embarrassing “thing” for the kid wearing the cast. I wonder if there’s something similar for a neck brace? A friend suggested the kinds of stickers you put on water bottles. Without knowing at all what the brace will be made of, I wonder if that would work?

Magnetic Tic-Tac-Toe might be fun, especially for the siblings to play together.

Or maybe these tangram puzzles – also magnetic – would be a fun challenge?

I wonder if this particular child would enjoy coloring? This pillowcase looks fun – and it seems kind of gleefully wrong to use markers on the bedding!

While I’m a little suspicious of how well this will work, I think the idea is so cool: a projector that shows images of dinosaurs, planets, or stars on the ceiling or walls. 

A book of games and puzzles would definitely be useful. Maybe along with some cute pencils that never need sharpening.

Stuffed animals seem to be a hit even with the ten-year-old set, and I love this little tree full of stuffed friends.

Are there other options I’m missing? What would you get for a bed-bound child about whom you knew very few details? 

And would you get the child’s siblings anything? (And if so, what?) I keep thinking, this has been traumatic for them, too! Maybe they would also appreciate a little giftie.