I am in the market for a gift for a child that I don’t know all that well.
That sounds… odd. So let’s come up with some background details about my particular relationship to this semi-known child.
Let’s say I want to find a gift for the child of someone I sing with in the church choir. So… I know the parent, and I know him in the way that you know someone you see every week for years on end. For instance, I know his spouse’s name and maybe I’ve even stopped to chat if we see each other in Target. I know his kids’ names and I made a plate of cookies for him when his father died last year. His spouse helped volunteer for the donation drive I managed a couple of years ago. Maybe he and I have been in a group text about who’s bringing bagels on a given week. So we know each other, but we don’t know each other well. Similarly, I know his child in the way that you know a child who occasionally sits in the front pew every week during choir practice, and who sometimes reads a Bible verse when the Sunday School comes in for the children’s sermon, and who runs around shrieking with your own child during church potlucks. I know the child well enough to say hello, and to ask how school is, but I don’t necessarily know what the child’s favorite colors are or what they are into these days or whether they own all the Pokémon figures or if they only wear pink.
This scenario is completely made up, but I hope it helps paint the picture of the relationship in a clear-enough way.
Anyway. This child has been in an accident; it has been extremely stressful and worrisome for the entire family and of course the poor child. The parents have been at the hospital; there have been churchwide efforts to help with childcare. The parent I know emailed the entire choir with an update, so we all have a few very limited details like the child has survived the accident and will be in the hospital for a short time and then will come home and be in a neck brace. It sounds like the recovery will be lengthy, and that the child will be stuck in bed for awhile, but the duration is unknown.
The idea that a child so close to Carla’s age could endure something so awful – well, I’m sure you know what that proximity to near-death feels like, and all the complex emotions it raises.
My brain has chosen to channel this proximal fear and horror into a compulsion to buy something for this child. It literally feels like the least I can do. But maybe also it would be useful, to help the child get through what promises to be a painful recovery. And maybe it would indicate, to child and parents, just how loved this child is – by people even at the fringes of their circles. Knowing that someone cares about your child offers a kind of comfort.
I am going into the gift buying process without ANY KNOWLEDGE of what the kid likes or doesn’t like or already has. This kid is a second-grade girl who has older siblings, if that helps in any way. My own child was a second-grade girl in the recent past, so you would think that would help but it does not. You might also assume that many years of buying birthday presents for my child’s classmates might help me here, but again, no.
(Please note that I am not going to text the child’s parent for more information. It is too stressful a time for them. Nor has any one of our mutual friends stepped forward as The Point of Contact, so there’s no one else I can ask. I have brainstormed with a couple of other people in the choir, but we are all kind of at a loss.)
In some ways, I think that it doesn’t matter what the gift is, because hopefully the novelty will help. But in other ways, I would like it to be a good gift. Something that helps make the time pass. Something that isn’t too painful to use/operate. Something that provides a welcome respite from what will surely be a LOT of screen time.
One thing I’m considering is a lap desk. Maybe something like this, that has a spot for a glass (or pencils) and some cubbies for crayons or coloring books.
Or this one has a little compartment in which you can store papers and pencils, plus it has a little slot in which you can stow an iPad. It is awfully small, though.
I think I would also want to buy some easy-to-use toys. Like Wikki-stix, maybe? Those were an enduring favorite of Carla’s, maybe even into second grade. And I think they could be used even if head/neck mobility is limited. Pop-Tubesare fun, too. Or Monkey Noodles.
Play-Doh came to mind as something that could be operated easily… but then I started thinking about how messy and crumbly Play-Doh can be. Monkey Foam might be a good alternative. Still moldable, but won’t dry out or crumble or smear into the carpet/bedding (I hope).
Paint by stickers books are another enduring favorite of Carla’s. Maybe they would be soothing/diverting for someone in bed for endless hours?
Speaking of stickers: I was thinking about how, when you break a limb, your classmates can sign your cast. I think it makes it interactive for the kids, plus it also helps make it less scary for everyone and less of an embarrassing “thing” for the kid wearing the cast. I wonder if there’s something similar for a neck brace? A friend suggested the kinds of stickers you put on water bottles. Without knowing at all what the brace will be made of, I wonder if that would work?
Magnetic Tic-Tac-Toe might be fun, especially for the siblings to play together.
Or maybe these tangram puzzles – also magnetic – would be a fun challenge?
I wonder if this particular child would enjoy coloring? This pillowcase looks fun – and it seems kind of gleefully wrong to use markers on the bedding!
While I’m a little suspicious of how well this will work, I think the idea is so cool: a projector that shows images of dinosaurs, planets, or stars on the ceiling or walls.
A book of games and puzzles would definitely be useful. Maybe along with some cute pencils that never need sharpening.
Stuffed animals seem to be a hit even with the ten-year-old set, and I love this little tree full of stuffed friends.
Are there other options I’m missing? What would you get for a bed-bound child about whom you knew very few details?
And would you get the child’s siblings anything? (And if so, what?) I keep thinking, this has been traumatic for them, too! Maybe they would also appreciate a little giftie.
The lap desk and art supplies sound good. Or maybe a rubik’s snake.
For the siblings, send snacks! A bag of juice boxes/water bottles, microwave popcorn, crackers, granola bars. Something individually sized that makes it easy for the kid to get and open and the parents don’t gave to worry about re-sealing. Or movie nite: a good movie DVD with popcorn and drinks or hot cocoa . Or give them a gift card for a pizza or ice cream treat.
When my one daughter was in the nicu, those were the most helpful kind of things for my other kids to have.
And let the parent know you’re thinking about them.
Yes! The rubiks snake! How could I forget what a hit that was?
This gesture will mean so much to this family.
I think the lap desk is a wonderful idea! Actually – everything is. What a great set of ideas.
My kids also love to get new stuffies. They have plenty but seem to be able to remember who gave them which item under a specific situation and form strong attachments that mean a lot. Even a little stuffy key chain so the child could attach it to a bookbag they might bring to appointments?
Yes, a stuffy keychain is so smart!
Some sort of sticker activity book would have been my first choice, but then I saw your projector idea. My nephew got a projector type thing (I don’t know which one) for Christmas, and my SIL says they have had several sessions of looking at it together and chatting peacefully in the dark. He likes the solar system ones, and it can be set to verrrry slowly spin, so the view keeps changing a little bit. I can picture really enjoying something like that if for awhile I were needing to hold relatively still and do a lot of resting.
That’s good to hear! It sounds so good in theory so I’m pleased to know at least some of them do.
A gift card for something like Audible so they can choose stories to listen to?
That’s an excellent idea!
As someone who is currently picking up 4 million tiny foam balls stuck to the carpet of a child’s room, I advise against the “monkey foam” or any similar products.
Oh goodness that is good intel.
All your ideas are GREAT (and what a horrible situation for this kid and her family!) I think the lap desk and art supplies (and a sticker book in case she’s not up to drawing a lot right away) would be perfect- and if you want to include a little stuffed animal, Squishmallows seem to be popular right now. My daughter (who is 14) got some for her birthday and they’re really cute.
Let us know what you choose!
Yes, squishmallows seem to be universally adored!
You have great ideas, but if you want to do something in addition, make a donation to the hospital. Especially if it is a children’s hospital, they have probably seen the immense worth of the child life program (or whatever they call it there). A family member that has several hospital stays for a chronic condition requested donations sent in her name (either toy or monetary) to the hospital. Just another option if you want the family to know that you are thinking about them and care.
That is such a lovely idea! It is very possible that some people might prefer a donation to material items (or in addition to).
You have brilliant ideas. I was going to suggest the sticker by number books that you already thought of and Water Wow books as interesting and non messy. I would also send an audiobook, or a gift card for some with suggestions. (Ramona Quimby Audio Collection- great and very, very long.)
And yes to sibling presents. I would (if the ages work) get several of your good ideas that you’ve listed, address one to each sibling, and then let them swap and share and figure it out among themselves. Then you’ve sent good lying in bed gifts not once, but thrice. I would also make the gifts reasonably equal to each other since the siblings will be worried and stressed and also probably secretly jealous of the added attention. They are no less in need of presents and attention is my point anyway. You could even make up a gift basket type thing with some of these gifts and some candies and treats and address it to all the siblings as a team.
Your list of gifts is perfect. Just choose some based on availability and budget and don’t worry about picking the exact right one because you have a list of very good ideas.
I adore Ramona Quimby. Also: Water Wow is genius. Your thoughts about the sibling gifts really confirm for me that I want to get all of them something. They are ALL going through this. Poor kiddos.
I would suggest sticker books! It seems like every kid loves them! And then if the family lives in an area that is serviced by uber eats or something like that, I’d give a gift card for a meal if that fit into my budget. Or I’d drop off a meal if I knew the family well enough but with all the food sensitivities, I tend to do delivery gift cards so they can choose what people will actually eat.
But oof – this poor child and the worrrying parents!!! Makes my heart hurt.
A friend suggested looking into doing a meal train for the family, and that seems like a worthwhile idea to pursue. Just one more thing they won’t have to think about.
My niece has cerebral palsy and she had surgery on both legs in the summer of 2020, so when her brother and sister were enjoying a delightful summer vacation, she couldn’t move by herself. I sent her a little care package every couple of weeks and my SIL reported that it literally didn’t matter what was in the care packages, she just liked a little variety in her life (snail mail is the best! – I will stand by this for the rest of my life) and to know people were thinking about her. I tried to always send an age-appropriate book and some fun activity for her to do while staying still. A lot of my packages were the same as your ideas:
1) A Crayola craft kit. I actually ended up also getting this for her younger sister that Christmas because they were always fighting about it.
2) A board/card game she and her siblings could play together.
3) A set of fun postcards (maybe a stationery set?) AND postage stamps AND a list of the addresses of her cousins (and her aunt NGS, of course)
4) Paint by stickers were a big hit
5) Craft kits for friendship bracelets and snow globes. Apparently she and her little sister spent HOURS together doing these without supervision and my SIL was so grateful.
I also occasionally sent my SIL, the primary caregiver, See’s chocolates and face masks and nail polish kits because I just wanted her to take some time for herself. For me, it was really important that I do this regularly and not just right after the surgery/hospitalization to just let them know I was thinking of all of them and acknowledging how HARD it all was.
I am really jiving with the idea of games the siblings can play together. And I love the ideas for the primary caregiver as well. Very thoughtful.
Oh, that poor family!
I would go for the lap desk or some stickers/ sticker activity books. I think it’s very kind of you to think of them, and those seem like good things for a recovering kiddo to have.
I just feel so helpless, you know? Not that a sticker book will DO anything, but it’s SOMETHING at least, right?
I’m thinking of a nerf gun so she can shoot her siblings as they walk in her room – something my kids would love to do! Of course I mostly have boys 🙂
Oh my gosh that is a brilliant idea!
Definitely food or gift cards for food for the family– everyone is probably so stressed and overwhelmed. My kids always love blank bound books and fancy pens/colored pencils/markers to write their own books. They have volumes and volumes. You can also find blank comic books to make graphic novels– another huge hit.
You and the commenters thus far have so many good ideas I have nothing to add, but I think the lap desk is especially promising because you don’t need to know what kinds of sitting still activities the kid in question likes.
Very good point!
Stickers, for sure, would be a hit. As would any of the other ideas you and the others have come up with. But this just came to me, what about the makings for friendship bracelets? I think they might even sell kits.
Ooooh yes! Friendship bracelets are excellent!
All of the other suggestions that I have seen are fantastic (Paint by sticker! Lap desk! Games! Yes!) and this suggestion might be outside of the budget range that you are considering but if you wanted to go in on something big with other members of your choir, you might consider a Yoto Player and some story cards. It’s basically a portable speaker that allows you to listen to audiobooks on cards that you insert like an ATM. It’s screen free (no eye strain), requires very little mobility to operate, and can be connected to headphones for use in shared spaces. Some versions can also be used as a Bluetooth speaker so parents can connect it to their own devices to play music or Audible audiobooks. I considered recommending an Alexa because it’s voice activated but that’s the sort of device that I would hesitate to gift to a child as it isn’t something every parent would choose for their kid and it requires setting up, connecting to accounts, etc.
My a bit older daughter has been into hair styling recently. on Xmas 2021 we gave her two head mannequins for hair styling and they were hugely popular. Some her friends requested heads too. Something like this https://www.amazon.com/Traininghead-Mannequin-Cosmetology-Synthetic-Hairdressing/dp/B07BFBLTBG/ref=sr_1_2?crid=6D9IHOF6JZ53&keywords=head%2Bto%2Bpractice%2Bhairstyles%2Bfor%2Bkids&qid=1674614417&sprefix=head%2Bto%2Bpractice%2Bhairstyles%2Caps%2C131&sr=8-2&th=1
I think all your ideas are great, and any of them would be very welcome to a family and a child going through that! I think you should just pick the one from your list that your own child would like the most.
I gave myself whiplash because I thought your scenario about how you knew the child was true, so I gave a surprised laugh when you said it wasn’t, and then of course was appalled when I read the next part.
I’m not sure what your budget is, but your ideas are all great and I’m sure anything that will provide some diversion will be greatly appreciated. Activity books would be great, and we did have one of those projector things and it worked quite well and was calming for the kids. A book that the child could either read or have read to them would be good too – you’d be taking a chance on what they like, but I always think a book never goes amiss, especially when confined to bed.
You have a lot of excellent suggestions already! Also, I was very moved by your comment that parents take comfort in knowing their child is loved by a community – it’s absolutely true and yet such a empathetic and perceptive thing for you to highlight in this situation. Not that you need any more suggestions, but Lite Brite? https://www.amazon.com/Brite-Magic-Screen-Light-Bright/dp/B07J245JCC/ref=sr_1_2?crid=2T7A1J7RDB9H6&keywords=light+bright&qid=1674853815&sprefix=light+bright%2Caps%2C145&sr=8-2
I LOVED lite brite when I was a kid.
You’ve got some great ideas, and some great comments. I like the idea of audiobooks, assuming she has a way to listen to them. A physical book too would be great, but perhaps not practical if she is in a neck brace. The lap desk seems like a great gift, too. And since you don’t know what they have/don’t have already, I might give a receipt if possible.
Wow, you’re so thoughtful, Suzanne and you’ve come up with a great list of awesome ideas. I am not much help in buying gifts for kids in general (I always ask my sister what my niece and nephew want LOL) but I don’t think you can go wrong with anything really… a gift will always be appreciated in this situation. The lap desk is a great idea and probably pretty useful – although it might not be as exciting to the child as one might think (although maybe that will quickly change when they realize how useful it is). A coloring or puzzle book is also a great idea.