gift giving

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Five for Friday: It’s Almost Christmas! Edition

How many hours of TV watching is still considered “acceptable” while one’s child is on winter break? Asking for a me. 

Carla is feeling nearly back to normal. No fever since Sunday, and no more sore throat. Just a little sniffle and a bit of congestion.

We have SNOW this week, which is delightful!!!!! Probably because I am not obligated to drive in it. But I loooooove snow. I think it is supposed to warm up in the next couple of days, so it may not linger. But it’s so lovely while it’s lasting.

  • Carla and I spent FIVE HOURS running errands on Monday. Five. Hours. It was… not pleasant. She is a real trooper, though, and maintained her good humor throughout. Me… not so much. Somehow, despite the marathon, I still need to go to the grocery store and I really really want to go to the garden center because I continue to have Porch Panic about the state of my front stoop. It is so dumb, but I feel like the dead mums (which I panic bought three days before Thanksgiving, by the way; they were beautiful and lush at that time) are emanating a Gross Dead Vibe and the entire neighborhood is whispering about me behind my back. (Going to a neighborhood Christmas party and having one of the neighbors teasingly ask why we don’t have any lights up didn’t help. THEY ARE PAYING ATTENTION.) Maybe I could just swirl some twinkle lights festively on the dead mums and call it a day???? I still would need to purchase twinkle lights though. I also have a strong urge to buy more poinsettias. I have two small ones, one of which is trying to die already, but I want MORE POINSETTIAS. Part of this is a case of Christmas Décor Envy, which I developed while attending the aforementioned holiday party: the hosts’ house was GORGEOUS and every inch of it was bright with Christmas magic. There is no point in comparing oneself to other people – and in reality, I have no idea WHERE they store all their Christmas paraphernalia, and I have only a creeping horror in my bones to hint at what kind of time and energy is required to dress the house in such a fashion – but still I WANT MY HOUSE TO BE A WINTER WONDERLAND. Poinsettias would go a long way toward helping me achieve that goal, right? RIGHT? 
  • The real problem, I think, is that I have no idea how to decorate this house for Christmas. The living room is weird, so our Christmas tree is weird. It was kind of a battle, to be honest, to figure out where to put it. And I was the one who gave in, which makes me feel crabby. It’s a very open space, with really only two full walls: the other walls are the kitchen (which is a partial wall separating two doors) and the stairway/entryway which isn’t even enclosed; there’s a balcony that overlooks the living room. The longest wall isn’t even a wall wall, it’s a wall of windows. And the other wall is taken up by cabinets and the fireplace. So there’s no REAL place to put the tree. We ended up putting it in the middle of the wall of windows, which I think at least makes sense symmetrically. (My husband and child wanted the tree off center, which just felt wrong in so many ways.) My big idea was to put the tree up against the stairway, but my husband hated that idea so vehemently I think he might have simply declined to celebrate Christmas if I’d pushed. (I still think it would look great.) Also, we are planning to get new furniture for the space, so NEXT YEAR it will be even weirder, but my husband said not to think about that now. (Does he know me?) And that’s just the living room! It’s definitely the most Christmassy of all the rooms. The other rooms have… nothing. Which feels so unfair! (The party host had FIVE CHRISTMAS TREES. That is more Christmas trees than I could ever handle, but maybe I could handle two????) I could fill the piano room with poinsettias! What I really want to do is to line the doorways with something festive (yes, I know I mentioned this already) – I originally thought pine garland. And I have seen so many Instagram videos of people putting shower tension rods in their doorways and decorating them with pine garland and ornaments etc. that I have started thinking that’s a viable idea. (Keep off the internet, kids.) My mother suggested ribbon, which sounds not only economical but also less dusty (and less of a pain to store) than pine garland. But I am not crafty like my mother is, so who knows. I did end up buying some bow-things at Joann Fabric (70% off!) (I also got a box of Hanukkah candles for next year, also 70% off, so perhaps we will have enough candles to light the menorah FULLY every single night of Hanukkah next year lol cringe.) and a spool of ribbon and I’m going to see what I can do. It may be very Preschooler Makes a First Ornament, but it will be Something.
  • Where I have excelled, at least in volume, is baking. I have made not one but TWO batches of cranberry crumble bars, and they are still by far my favorite Christmas treat. They are just the perfect combination of buttery/tangy and crunchy/chewy. Carla wanted to bake, and her very specific baking request was snickerdoodles with buttercream frosting, so she made those. She really wanted colorful buttercream, and while she was rummaging around for food coloring she found the box of candy eyes we used last year and so she went wild with the eyes. Very Christmassy. I wanted to make molasses cookies, but they turned out a) completely smooth, not crackly like molasses cookies are supposed to be and b) very dry and crumbly on the inside. I tried to save them by adding an eggnog glaze, which I think does help, but… meh. From my online troubleshooting, it seems like my oven is the problem. (My understanding is that the crackly tops come from a combination of rolling the dough in sugar to dry it out, and having a nice hot oven.) I am pretty irritated with our ovens. Yes. We have TWO OVENS and neither of them seems to heat appropriately. SO FRUSTRATING. You should have seen how pale our Thanksgiving turkey was. It was cooked through, but it needed some time on the Jersey Shore with a bottle of baby oil. 
  • During our marathon errand day, Carla came across a selection of dog toys. She promptly burst into tears because she wanted to give them to all the dogs in our old neighborhood. Listen, I am a heartless bitch when it comes to I Really Need That tears. But I got a little misty, too, and I allowed her to buy them. She wanted to use her allowance, but then I had a discount situation that made them free. A Christmas miracle! She wrapped them and I texted our old neighbors and we spent an afternoon going from house to house, giving dog toys (and cookie plates) (although they were last-minute cookie plates, so they were on Hanukkah dishes because that’s all I had) and lots of pets. It made Carla’s day, although I think it also made her sad. It’s so hard to find a balance between honoring her grief by allowing her to visit these old neighbors, while also helping her to move on. I don’t think I’ve got it right. But it was lovely to see our old neighbors, who EACH had a little gift for Carla.  
  • Stocking stuffers have been procured. I feel as though I didn’t give you the full story, on Monday, when I alluded to shopping for stocking stuffers and how difficult that would be with Carla in tow. The thing is, I ordered stocking stuffers for Carla (and for my husband) long ago. Or at least long enough ago for them to have arrived already. However, my parents are spending Christmas Day with us, and I feel super awkward about them coming to our home and NOT having stockings to open. It is probably very silly, especially because they are minimalists at heart. But my desire to have Stocking Equity overruled my knowledge of their minimalism, so I got them stocking stuffers. (We have anonymous stockings that we set out for guests, so they will have stockings as well.) And also, I had NO IDEA what I wanted to get for stocking stuffers. The only thing that I really wished I’d learned about earlier was this flexible screwdriver bit. My dad would use the heck out of that bit! It’s so handy! But alas, I only learned about it on Monday when a YouTube ad interrupted my workout video. Next year, for sure. What I really needed to do was wander around a store and happen across the exact right stocking stuffers. And I got the chance during Carla’s music lesson and found a bunch of stocking stuffers that will hopefully be fun and/or personal-ish enough while also not making the recipient feel too guilty about throwing them out. So now there will be Stocking Equity and I am super relieved. 
Kohl’s is the place to go for stocking stuffers. I also got everyone candy. And Carla, shockingly, will get a bunch of other stuff because she is spoiled beyond belief.

Well, that’s it for me before Christmas, I think! I still have the grocery store/garden center to visit, and I still have to wrap some presents. (And Santa has to wrap gifts AND stocking stuffers – WHY, Santa, WHY did you begin such an arduous tradition????)  (Then again, maybe this is the last year Santa will visit our house, and I will henceforth be sobbing about NO SANTA GIFTS????? Parenting is so fun.)

Oh, by the way, I just have to include this here. Carla went to the orthodontist this week (yay, braces in our near future woo) and the orthodontist was very chatty about Santa. He said he sets TRAPS for Santa, to which Carla reacted with scorn. “Do you want to HURT Santa?” she asked, voice dripping with disapproval. No, the orthodontist just wants to SEE Santa, in person! “Why don’t you set up video cameras?” Carla suggested. Oh, but the orthodontist has tried that. And it didn’t work! Didn’t capture a thing. “That’s because Santa deletes the footage,” Carla said, and she might as well have added, “you idiot” because that’s what her tone conveyed. 

SANTA DELETES THE VIDEO FOOTAGE. You heard it here, folks. Don’t try to mess with Santa, even via digital surveillance methods. 

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Assorted Christmas Gift Ideas 2023

It seems like it is probably TOO LATE to take advantage of any gift ideas at this point; so many gifts, even on Amazon, are marked “arrives after Christmas.” Fortunately, we live in an area that has a large number of stores, so we can buy things in person. But I don’t particularly like going into stores. I suppose this is the tax I am paying for procrastinating. 

Anyway. Here are some of the items we are getting for family members, items I’ve asked for, and items I’ve considered. In case you need inspiration – or in case, like me, you enjoy looking at gifts lists and feeling consumeristic panic build inside your soul reassuring yourself that you have done a decent job after all.

Also, if you know me in real life and we tend to exchange gifts: This is the point where you should stop reading, because I am going to spoil the surprise. (All images below from amazon or the website linked in the product name.)

Photo by George Dolgikh on Pexels.com

Stanley Tumbler: This was Carla’s number one most fervently requested gift. EVERYONE has a Stanley, she told me. I did notice, when I volunteered at her school’s Book Fair recently, that quite a lot of kids have one. And it seems like most parents I’ve spoken to are getting their fifth grader a Stanley for Christmas as well. One of my friends said that her daughter’s teacher even suggested having “a Stanley day” in class, since so many of the kids had one (which is problematic in a lot of ways, but hopefully the teacher realized that after the fact and will not bring it up again). So I think this is a case where Carla has a fairly realistic read on the situation. (As opposed to “everyone has a phone!” which is patently false.) I will just say: I think this is an impractical and ridiculous item. The thing is enormous; it has a straw, which means it will be prone to leaking and also prone to molding; it is much too expensive for what it is. And yet I also understand the joy of receiving a thing that is completely on trend. So Carla is getting one. If it arrives in time for Christmas, which it may not. 

Straw Covers: The Stanley requires accessories. Sigh. Fortunately, these are adorable and may help prevent leaks? At least they will provide a tiny bit of germ protection for the straw.

Puzzle: My husband is an enthusiastic puzzler, so I always like to get him a new puzzle for giftish occasions. This one seems like the perfect intersection of difficult but not too difficult. We ended up not getting this one for him, because my daughter wanted to order a custom puzzle that featured a photo of her with her dad, but this would have been my pick if she hadn’t felt so strongly. 

Disney Puzzle: My sister-in-law requested a Thomas Kinkade Disney puzzle – I guess she and my niece have a collection of them, which I think is so sweet.

The Last Devil to Die by Richard Osman: This book is on my own wish list. I adore this series. 

ASL Flash Cards: I haven’t yet done so, but I’m leaning toward ordering these American Sign Language flash cards for Carla. (And for me to share.) One of our family members is losing their hearing, and we’ve discussed learning ASL so we can all continue to communicate. I feel like a class would be a better method, but these flash cards get good reviews and we all need to start somewhere. 

Derwent Watercolour Pencils: My mother recently started learning how to paint with watercolors. She is so talented, it blows me away. I think she has all the supplies she needs for painting, but I came across these pencils and they sound like a fun way to add detail and texture to one’s watercolor art. Not sure if these will be something she ends up using a lot, but hopefully she will have a good time experimenting with them. 

NeeDoh Cats: Carla has loved the NeeDoh balls in the past, and these cats are CATS, so I know she will love finding these in her stocking. Oh my gosh: there are PIGS too. Now I’m not sure what to do. 

Slow Horses by Mick Herron: My husband specifically requested this book, so I’m getting it for him. (I really wanted to get him The Bee Sting by Paul Murray, but my local bookstore doesn’t have it.)

Stuffed Owl: My niece is really into Harry Potter and requested a white stuffed owl. An easy thing to say yes to!

Hogwarts Robe: As long as we’re on the subject, this dress-up robe would be perfect for my niece or other Harry Potter fans.

Harry Potter Sweets: We also got my niece some HP candy for her stocking. 

Truff Hot Sauce: The regular Truff was a hit last year, and this year I’m getting the white truffle version for my husband. Or maybe I will buy mini bottles and give one to everybody.

Chocolate Tasting Kit: My husband sent me a link to a bar of chocolate, and since he has been terrifically difficult to shop for this year, I immediately went to the website to buy it. I noticed that there was a $55 threshold for free shipping, so perused the other options to see if there was anything else I needed to get him, and indeed! there was! I found this chocolate tasting kit, which would be so fun to do with guests OR with a daughter who loves chocolate as much as her father does. I also got a second kit for my parents, because I think they might enjoy doing a chocolate tasting party with some of their new friends. Long and boring story with a really great payoff alert: When I placed my order, I forgot to add the second tasting kit to my cart because I am an idiot; thinking about buying a gift is not the same as BUYING THE GIFT, you heard it here first. I immediately emailed the company to see if they could add on another kit to my existing order but did not hear back, probably because it was a Sunday. The next morning I got a notification that my order had shipped, so – worried about getting things in time for Christmas – I ordered a second tasting kit separately and paid a dumbass tax for shipping. THEN I got an email that they were going to send me a tasting kit and waive the shipping! So I had to call the company and ask if they could cancel the order I’d placed. And they did. I spoke to a real human being, who answered the phone after one ring, and who was completely lovely to speak to. So even though I do not like chocolate, this company has won my undying love and affection right out of the gate with their superb customer service.  

Comfy: My daughter and husband bought me a leopard print Comfy a few years ago. My daughter adopted it and wears it all the time. Lately, she has been wearing it to sleep in so that she can get away with sleeping on top of her covers, which means she never has to make her bed. Gotta love a loophole. Anyway: my mother-in-law admired Carla’s Comfy when she visited recently, and so we are getting her a Comfy for Christmas. 

Karaoke Microphone: Carla loves to sing and has been asking for a karaoke machine. This microphone seems like a good bet. Despite the complete disinterest of the children in the photo, whose hands look fake to me and also why are they wearing wigs. 

Guitar Strap: This is one of the few things my husband specifically requested for Christmas, so he is getting one. 

Leopard Print Heart Pillow: I am resisting buying this with all my might. Carla would LOVE IT. But… we just got her a bunch of new throw pillows. BUT IT IS SO CUTE. AND SOFT. AND LEOPARD. Do you need it? Does someone you know need it? It should be boughten. 

Super Mario Wonder: This would be officially for my husband, but it’s a game he and Carla could play together. 

The Mysterious Case of Rudolf Diesel by Douglas Brunt: This book was specifically requested by my father-in-law, so it’s exactly what he’s getting. 

Temporary Tattoo Pens: We have not had good luck, in our house, with things like makeup and face paint. But I know Carla would love these. Sigh. 

Glitter Tattoo Art Kit: Oh wow. This is even better (and more potentially problematic for my particular kid) than the tattoo pens. 

Friends Socks: My best friend needs these.

The First Cat in Space Ate Pizza by Mac Barnett: My daughter loves graphic novels and Mac Barnett and cats, so this seems like a no brainer.

Ember Mug: My sister-in-law is getting this keeps-your-coffee-warm mug for Christmas. My husband has one and LOVES it. I guzzle my tea before it has a chance to cool, but for people who sip their coffee over long periods, this would be perfect. 

The Ferryman by Justin Cronin: This book is on my own wishlist, but I’m also getting it for one of the avid readers on my gift list. 

Bean Bag Chair: I am really wishing we waited for Christmas to buy this chair. Carla loves it SO MUCH and it’s big enough to have a real impact on Christmas morning. WHY did we not wait???? (My husband is of the opinion that a chair is not an appropriate Christmas gift, that’s why.) Anyway. Maybe you have someone who needs this chair. It is GREAT. 

House Plant: This was one of the things I asked for this year. I would love to get a new house plant, especially if it’s one that requires very little in the way of attention or care.

Puck Sling Game: I am on the fence about this one! I think my husband and child would like it, and it might be fun to have another game that Carla can play when the neighbor kids come over. But… will it be fun enough to play more than once??

Tea Light Raclette: This may be something I have thought about for my mother-in-law before, but if so, I am thinking about it again. She loves raclette, and this takes up so little space.

Dogtown by Katharine Applegate: We got this for Carla for Hanukkah and she LOVES it. Has already finished it. If you have a kid who likes animals and stories told from the perspective of an animal, this is a good one. 

Pet Adoption Truck Clay Craft Kit: This is another Hanukkah gift that was a huge hit. So many tiny clay dogs being made around here. We will probably get Carla another kit from Klutz for Christmas (maybe the candy cart?) because she loves them so much. 

Book Light: I had zero ideas – ZERO – for what to get a friend of Carla’s for her birthday, so we went with a bookstore gift card, a bookmark, and a book light. Carla was very envious of the book light, so now she will get one in her stocking. 

Bier Stein: We have an honest-to-goodness bar in our new house, and I think my husband would really like some fun beer steins from European breweries. 

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Fountain Pens: Listen, I do not know why Carla wants these. All I know is that we saw them in a store and she said, with intensity and fervor, “I have always wanted a fountain pen.” They will fit in a stocking; done

Little Live Guinea Pigs: I feel like Carla is aging out of toys like this, which makes me want to buy her ALL THE TOYS. She loves these ridiculous Little Live Pets so much. So. Much. 

Wordle Game: My sister-in-law turned me on to the existence of this game; she’s getting it for my mother-in-law. And I am in turn getting it for my parents, who do Wordle religiously. (Don’t we all?)

Walkie Talkie Robot: I hate robots. HATE. Carla is obsessed with them, and asks for them constantly, and yet once she owns one, she uses it five times and then it languishes forever in a closet. But. She put this item on her Santa list (does she still believe in Santa, or is she humoring me???) and added a note that said, “Please! Please!” so this is what Santa is getting her. I cannot wait to become super annoyed with it and then watch as she forgets about it in a week. (I know Elisabeth would say, “Just say no to a gift you will resent,” with her typical gentle zen, but I am not there yet, Elisabeth!)

Decanter: My father is getting a decanter this year. I liked the simplicity of this one, and the wood and leather accents add a nice masculine touch.

Taylor Swift T-Shirt: My kiddo is, like everyone else, obsessed with Taylor Swift. I like the positivity of this sweatshirt featuring a Bejeweled lyric. Or this T-shirt, also featuring a Bejeweled lyric.

Warmie: I feel like my daughter and my niece and everyone (including me) needs a warm-up-able stuffed animal. 

Jog Belt: It seems a little weird to be thinking about the pool when it’s 30 degrees outside, but I think it would be fun to have a jog belt to wear in the pool. I don’t really like to swim, but I’ve heard that aqua jogging can be really good exercise.

Kendra Scott Gem Pendant: This is another “all the kids have one!” item on Carla’s wish list. Fortunately, her grandmother is buying one for her. 

Bag Balm: Why yes, I do buy myself the occasional stocking stuffer, and this is going in my stocking this year. Thanks to Elisabeth and Birchie for the recommendation! 

Pikachu Squishmallow: While my child does not need another stuffie, like, at all, she did request a Squishmallow… and she loves Pokémon, still, for some reason… so Santa is bringing her this. Please read this entire bullet with the concentrated resignation that I felt when placing the order.

Opopop Discovery Kit: I have a family member who is a HUGE popcorn fan, and this variety pack would be such a fun way to honor that passion. 

Nodpod Sleep Mask: I have been having such a hard time sleeping in our new house because the lighting situation is so different from that in our old house. And I wake up so easily. Maybe this would be the solution?

Clip On Earrings: Carla still doesn’t have her ears pierced (topic for another post), but has been Very Interested in earrings of late. Her grandmother bought her a pair of these clip ons, and she wears them ALL the time, I think specifically because they look like they could be real earrings for pierced ears. 

Hot Sauce: My husband loves these hot sauces. We lost them all in a power outage earlier this summer, and I know he would love a new set.

Pink Scrunchies: Carla is wearing her hair in ponytails or up in a clip lately, and pink is her new favorite color, so I think these would be a massive hit.

Claw Clips:  She is also very much into claw clips, and this is a nice variety of colors and shapes for not a whole lot of money.

One More Chapter Sweatshirt: Pretty much everyone in my family could relate to this sweatshirt.

Bonne Maman Gift Box: For your jam loving bestie. (Or, in my case, husband.)

Soup Bowl with Handles: This was a request from my mother. How could I resist Snoopy??? Although I have to admit, I was strongly tempted by this set of colorful polka dot mugs, which would work well as soup bowls. I have a set in a more regular size, and I looooove them. So cheery. I also really like this soup and sandwich combo.

Colorful Tights: Carla has been really into wearing shorts over black tights this year. I wonder if she would be interested in adding some colorful tights to the rotation?

Yoga Mat: This is on my wish list (thanks to Nicole for the recommendation!) and I am hopeful that my husband will surprise me with it. 

Bar Glasses: This is me really stretching for gift ideas (my husband’s family sends wish lists around to one another, so I have to come up with SOMETHING), but it might be fun to have some new drinkware for the bar. We don’t have any old fashioned glasses. I like these elegant beer glasses as well. These are fun (they feature the Rockies!) but seem hard to clean.

Bananya Card Game: My daughter has become recently enamored of a ridiculous “show” on TV about these little cats that live inside bananas. I think it is targeted to a MUCH younger audience, but she thinks it’s adorable. She would love this game, and cards always make for good stocking stuffers.

Mini Espresso Machine: My husband has been talking about getting an espresso machine… but then explicitly told me not to get him one… but he keeps talking about wanting one. So I am fretting a little about whether I should have bought him this or not. Will I panic buy it at the last moment? Who’s to say. 

Strange Sally Diamond by Liz Nugent: Birchie recommended this book to me and I loved it and now I am buying it for one of the book-loving people on my gift list. 

Waffle Maker: What I DID buy him is a waffle maker. He has fallen in love with Liege waffles and this waffle maker supposedly makes nice, fluffy waffles. 

Pearl Sugar: My (very limited) understanding of Liege waffles is that they contain pearl sugar, so I got a bag of pearl sugar for my husband’s stocking. 

Woodworking Kit: My dad and Carla have been doing a decent amount of woodworking together. My dad showed her how to use a drill and a saw and they made some elaborate creations together. So Carla circled a bunch of woodworking kits in the Mindware catalogs we get biweekly this time of year. I think my dad is putting together his own version of a kit for her, which I think is so adorable. 

This list feels incomplete while at the same time being overly long, but this is what I have! What are the hot ticket Christmas items for the people in your life?

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Thursday Randomosity: Hot Sauce and Gravel Edition

We are cartwheeling down the last grassy hills of summer – exhilarated, off-kilter, trying to soak up as much summertime fun and relaxation as possible before school begins (Fifth grade. FIFTH. GRADE. Eeep.) while also dealing with all the chaos of moving. My mind is going in a million different directions, which calls for some Randomosity.

We finally told our neighbors that we were moving. I don’t know why we waited, but we did. But we thought we should give people a heads up before the realtor stuck the for sale sign in our yard. The ones we told were a gratifying mix of sad that we are leaving and excited for us. One neighbor seemed genuinely distraught, but when I told her that we’ll be moving to a neighborhood where there are other ten-year-olds on all sides, she visibly relaxed. “Oh, I’m so glad,” she told me. “Every time a house on our block went up for sale, I used to pray that the new family would have someone her age to play with.” I found this so touching – that she would not just think about Carla, but that she would go out of her way to pray for her. This is the kind of neighbors we have. This is why I have such mixed feelings about moving away.

Our house has never looked better. We cleaned and tidied our house to the hilt for the realtor photos and it looks SO GOOD. It has never looked this good. It is impossible to keep this way. Poor Carla. She has been enjoying a TON of screen time because she can’t do anything to make a mess. So much of our stuff has been put away for the sake of tidiness, too. Our realtor specified that we needed to clear off the counters as much as possible, so in the kitchen I had to hide my tea kettle away along with the paper towel holder and the dish scraper and the hand towels. In the bathrooms, we have to put all the shower items (shampoo, conditioner, face wash, razors) under the sinks and swap out our normal towels for “pretty towels” (which I interpreted to mean The Guest Towels, because I am not buying new towels for the sake of aesthetics). All of our chargers have been relegated to the nightstand drawers. Makes normal day-to-day living a little awkward. 

Never have I been so thankful for my zooper. It is getting SUCH a workout. Potential buyers seem to completely ignore the sign we put up inside the front door that says “please remove your shoes or wear these foot covers.” I can tell because none of the shoe covers have been used (although I suppose people could be removing their shoes). And there is constantly grass and bits of dirt and other debris all over the floor. I am zooping all the time. Plus, I shed CONSTANTLY. I knew this about myself, but now that I have to tidy everything ALL THE TIME I am newly aware of how hairs seem to leap off of my skull every time I move. Thank goodness that my beloved zooper seems to have no problem sucking up the rogue hairs. 

It is also good at sucking up gravel. Yes, gravel. I picked up our paper towel holder (similar to this one, if you want to picture what it looks like) to move it from the counter into the pantry where all the shameful things go and the bottom sort of dropped out. Later, when I told my husband what happened, he said, “Oh, that’s probably because I dropped it the other day.” The weird thing was: it was full of gravel. GRAVEL. Like, that’s the weight that the manufacturers used to fill the base. I guess it makes a sort of sense? Maybe gravel isn’t particularly expensive, and maybe it’s easy to access, and it is heavy. But what a weird thing to put inside a paper towel holder, amirite?!?!?! And the gravel got all over my kitchen. Everywhere. Fifteen minutes before Carla and I were supposed to leave for a showing. 

One of Carla’s favorite birthday gifts was a dinosaur mask. I can’t remember if I told you this already? If so, you will just smile and nod through the retelling while you think of other things, yes? My husband and I got her these Therzinosaurus claws because she had specifically requested them. I guess a friend of hers had them? And she was excited to have them, but kept asking, “What about the mask?” (This friend apparently had the mask, too.) So we went to Target and she was able to spend some birthday money on the matching mask. The mask and claws come as a set, too; not sure why we didn’t get her the whole set to begin with. To be completely honest with you, I thought it was kind of a dumb present. But she asked for it, and I’m not sure how much longer she will want to play with toys, so we indulged the request. And I was WRONG. It is an awesome gift. The mask attaches to your face in such a way that the jaws open when the wearer’s jaws open. And the claws go on over top of the hands, so your fingers are still free to do things. It is VERY cool and I think any dinosaur loving kiddo would love it. 

I need to find a new favorite hot sauce. There has been a sriracha shortage for more than a year now, and I ordered a few bottles of my favorite sriracha sauce (Huy Fong) every few months while they were still available online, hoping to wait out the weather conditions that devastated chili crops and stopped production. But I am now on my last bottle. I am finally coming to terms with the fact that I will need to find a new favorite hot sauce. It’s sad, because it is really the perfect hot sauce. Sriracha is by far my most-used condiment. I eat it on tacos and salads and put it in stir fry sauce. This doesn’t convey just how dependent I am on sriracha sauce. We eat tacos pretty regularly, and I cannot eat a taco without hot sauce. Hot sauce is an essential ingredient. Although I haven’t been looking very hard for a replacement, I have tried some store brands of sriracha with no luck. Now that I’m on my last bottle of the real thing, I need to step up my search. I think that I need something that is not pretending to be sriracha.  El Yucateco is my go-to hot sauce for enchiladas and nachos, but it’s too intense for me to put on tacos. Cholula is wonderful on burritos and black beans and rice, but I don’t like the way it tastes with ground beef. The Ortega and Old El Paso taco sauces are okay in a pinch, but not my favorite. Before sriracha came into my life, I used La Victoria hot sauce on my tacos. I suppose I could return to that, even though it’s not as spicy. But maybe this is an opportunity to try NEW hot sauces. I have read a few “There’s a sriracha shortage, try these alternatives” articles and none of them has been helpful. (It turns out that I am extremely choosy about hot sauce. Chile crisp and sambal oelek are textured, not smooth; Tabasco is thin and vinegary. None of these are adequate sriracha substitutes, even if they have their place.) But hot sauce is expensive and it’s hard to know where to start. Do you have a favorite hot sauce? 

What non-essential-for-nutrition-or-life food item, if suddenly unavailable, would leave you feeling most bereft? Sriracha is mine, I think. My husband would probably choose peanut butter. My daughter would probably say ketchup – I don’t think she could live without ketchup. Do you have something you use ALL the time, or love so much that you would feel lost without it?

Speaking of food, as I usually am, I have reached the stage of packing where food preparation is becoming slightly tricky. I have been trying to pack away non-essentials, and have already put together several boxes of kitchen items. This came back to bite me this week when I tried to make paprikas and realized that I had packed the potato peeler. Hmm. Why did you do that, Past Suzanne? True, this is probably the one meal (besides Thanksgiving) that requires a potato peeler, but still. So I had to peel potatoes with a knife and it was not nearly so easy. Then I decided I was going to make muffins for my writing group. (One writing friend has moved to the city for the summer, so my regular writing buddy and I invited him to join us.) But… I had already packed away the muffin tins. THEN I looked for Carla’s dinosaur taco holder for taco night, and… I had already packed it. Womp womp. I wonder what essential non-essential cooking item I will need and be unable to use next. 

My hair is driving me bonkers. It’s been nearly four months since I last had my hair colored, and boy can you tell. The grey is really insidious, creeping in around my ears and in patches at the crown of my head. The worst part, for me, is that the way the grey grows in, it makes me look like I am balding. My hair parts naturally on the right side of my head, kind of at the outer edge of my right eyebrow. But the hair on the bottom side of the part is so pale that it looks like scalp. I don’t think it IS scalp, although it could be that my hair is also quite thin in that spot (gulp!), but whatever is going on, it doesn’t look good. I have been increasingly self-conscious in photos, to the point that I have begun parting my hair on the other side of my head. This is WEIRD. It looks weird, it feels weird. My hair flips up where it shouldn’t. But at least I look less bald, I guess. 

In other aging news, I have a new wrinkle. Wrinkle is kind of a charming word – that bright cheery i, the fun tongue-trip of nkle. But the object it refers to is less charming. This one is kind of like a double frown that bridges the inner corner of each eye over the top of my nose. I do not care for it. Also, I can’t figure out what facial expression is CAUSING it. If I knew what face I was making to develop this wrinkle, I would STOP DOING IT. I have sort of decided that it has something to do with my daily 3:00-5:00 am wakeup, because the wrinkle sometimes stretches over my eyelids into the portion that is swollen from lack of sleep. But I can’t correct THAT, lo how I’ve tried.

My husband and I have discovered a sad truth: we should have done a lot of these home improvements EARLIER, so we could ENJOY THEM. We have been enlisting a lot of professional help to get our home into selling shape, but we have also pulled out the old DIY artillery as well. He and I are GOOD at DIYing, and by “he and I” I mean that I am good at persuading him we can do a thing and then he is good at executing it. (DIY projects require a lot of skills that I lack, like patience and the ability to paint/cut/hang a straight line.) (I am, however, extremely good at driving to Home Depot and buying supplies.) One thing we did this weekend was to replace nearly all of our window screens. I am embarrassed to tell you the state of our screens, but they were ROUGH. And I have no idea why we never even EXPLORED the option of fixing them. Never! I mean, four or five years ago when I was determined to replace our windows, I guess I figured we’d replace the screens too… but beyond that, I never once thought about them except to lament the fact that if we wanted cool, fresh air in our bedroom at night we would also have to welcome a few bugs. The thing is, replacing screens is SUPER EASY. And inexpensive! I have gotten many, many quotes for screen replacement and they range from $42 per screen on the high end to $25 per screen on the low end. But we did it ourselves and it took maybe three hours and about $60 to replace seven screens. This has been the case for EVERY IMPROVEMENT we have done. Why did we wait until the literal last minute?!? When we move into the new house, I have vowed – to my husband, and now publicly – that we will fix things right away, not let them fester for a decade or two until we plan to move out. 

Do companies ever listen to their own hold music? This question is brought to you by being on hold for 26 minutes with the electric company as I waited for a human to help me transfer our service to the new house. My local hospital system has a pretty decent hold line – music, regularly interrupted by brief ads for critical health services, like “make sure you get your colonoscopy!” or “regular skin checks are a great way to identify skin cancer early!” That kind of thing. But the electric company’s hold music is NOT good. It vacillated wildly between normal volume and way too loud. When it got loud, it was full of static. And the “song” that kept playing on repeat would stop abruptly as though a customer service agent were finally going to answer my call, and then start playing again from the beginning. 

Have I mentioned how much I hate the idea of strangers TOUCHING my THINGS? Every time we get home after realtor showings, I feel like I should Lysol every possible surface people might have touched. Yuck. 

Okay, that’s it for now I think. What’s on your mind today?