I have an exciting day of errands and a home improvement project with my dad and physical therapy in front of me, but I’m having a very hard time getting going. Here are three things on my mind.
Meeting People Never Gets Easier: No matter how old I get, I never find it easier to meet people. In advance of the meeting, I get SO NERVOUS. Like, cannot focus on anything else nervous. If I lose track of the time for five minutes and then realize that I haven’t looked at my watch to ensure I’m not late, my heart drops into my stomach nervous. And then during the meeting of the people, I feel like I vacillate WILDLY between trying so hard to Be Myself that I forget entirely what that is/feels like, and trying too hard in general that I come across as completely unhinged. Am I making too much eye contact? Am I laughing too loudly? Why am I trying to be funny when I am not funny and also this new person has no context for my sense of humor? Am I gesturing with my hands too much? Why did I say that? I feel like I should prepare a Suzanne Briefing Pamphlet to hand out to new acquaintances, so that they know I am 100% always this awkward, but the awkwardness will smooth out (at least a little bit) (I hope) over time.
How Does She Do It? I ran into a neighbor at the grocery store the other day. I was in athletic clothes and tennis shoes, I had brushed my hair and washed my face but didn’t have a lick of makeup on. She was wearing an adorable outfit, had a full face of makeup, and looked like she was ready to star in a commercial for that grocery store or perhaps accept a nomination to become the patron saint of motherhood. She is one of the most genuinely nice people I have ever met, she is involved at her kids’ school, and she has five children. (The oldest is Carla’s age.) Listen. I know comparison is dumb and useless. And also, I want to know HOW??? Like, what does her morning look like, that she has time to get five children off to school, but also has time to make her hair look like that and do her makeup and choose the cutest outfit? I feel like you are going to say prioritization, but also, that can’t be the only explanation???? There are occasions when I need to be presentable first thing in the morning, and I manage it, but just barely. The most recent time I put on Real Clothes and makeup (and by “makeup” I mean mascara and eye balm), we left the house fifteen minutes late. I wake up at 5:30! I don’t even exercise or shower in the morning! All I do is tend to the cat, make and drink tea, wake up my child, make breakfast, pester my child to get out of bed/get dressed/eat breakfast, throw on some exercise clothes and do the bare minimum of hair/skin/dental care. Maybe this other mom’s kids actually get out of bed when she wakes them up, and maybe she doesn’t make them breakfast, maybe she is always fifteen minutes late, and maybe her husband is also helping with Morning Stuff? I know they don’t have a cat, but THAT CANNOT BE THE RATE LIMITING FACTOR. I’m not even jealous. I’m just perplexed. Okay, I’m also jealous. But I really want to know HOW.
Cleaning Project Success(es): I finished my Big Cleaning and Organization Project this week. It took seven hours and resulted in five enormous black trash bags full of trash. There is still a clothing organization element I have yet to complete. I find that memoirs are the ideal content for me whilst undertaking projects of this nature, and I listened to The Third Gilmore Girl by Kelly Bishop and unSweetined by Jody Sweetin while I worked. Both books were narrated by the authors, which I loved. I enjoyed them both immensely. (I also tried both You Never Know by Tom Selleck and Paris by Paris Hilton, but they didn’t do it for me so I moved on.) After I’d shut the door on the clothing aspect of my big project, I undertook a smaller cleaning project: my desk. Somehow – probably because I tend to sit in my cozy armchair to do any actual writing – my desk becomes a repository for all manner of things, from receipts to coupons to things I need to return and books and old Halloween decorations and wrapping paper and bat mitzvah invitations and more. It had gotten to the point of overflow that my cat would knock multiple things onto the floor every single time he jumped up onto it. Often in the middle of night, jarring me from sleep with a pounding heart until I realized the sound that had awakened me was not a murderer but Lenny displacing a box of highlighters and handful of carpet samples. Anyway, it was time to clean it and clean it I did. Shall we place bets on how long it takes before my desk is once again overcome with stuff?
Okay, that’s all I’ve got. I am going to go put on makeup and Real Clothes and do the things I need to do.
How wonderful to finish such a big project! I need to go through my closet again–I’ll never wear some of those outfits although I’m hesitant to get rid of them for some reason. Although I’m always bathed and dressed when I go out in public, our casual standards here mean that I see people in curlers, PJs and other strange outfits at the store.
I am definitely not someone who is commended for my appearance outside of when I am traveling for work/in the office. I don’t prioritize spending a lot of time getting ready on non-office days. I do the bare minimum so I look presentable for zooms. But I know women who always look so polished and put together but that is just not me. I think some people also have lower sleep needs. Like I cannot get on board with getting up at 4:30-5 to workout in the morning. I’m already so exhausted as is and I get up at 6 am most days! If I got up 1-1.5 hours earlier, I would run myself into the ground. So I am just trying to do what I can in this stage of life, knowing it will get easier (I hope!) when the kids are older and more independent.
I bet many of the people you are meeting for the first time are equally wondering how they are coming off or are wracking their brain for small talk topics. People pay less attention to others than we think they do. I try to keep that in mind. But my job is basically small talk boot camps and I do so much of it that I loathe doing it in my personal life.
Suzanne, I’m completely the same when it comes to meeting new people – or just getting together with people I know! I’ve accepted it, but it’s still really hard for me. I just found out a longtime friend might come to see me this summer, and I’m delighted, but also freaked out. And there’s an event I need to go to this weekend, and I’m seriously not sure I can make myself go. Ugh!
I love the before/after slider pictures of your desk!
Way to go on the decluttering project! I’ve made some good progress, and I feel like I’m stalling out/losing motivation. I’m more introverted as well, and I’m not super shy around new people, but I can definitely get in my own head about things I say and how they landed from time to time.
Well, we may not know how/why she does it, but bravo that she does! As best I remember the last time I wore foundation was for my niece’s wedding in 2023, but I remember back in an earlier time when I enjoyed wearing makeup (and had less eye sensitivity to it). I am always here to applaud someone for doing what they love.
I don’t know why it’s hard to meet new folks, but it just is. Tonight I’m meeting people that I know, but in a different context, and that also feels a little strange. A few of my book club folks are meeting to go on a walk, and it’s the first time we’ve ever met for non-book club reasons.
Well, I have met you and I hope I did not cause anxiety. You seemed practically perfect and calm in every way and my only regret from our short time together was that it was so dang short.
I do not understand how some people can look so effortlessly put together. I do think body type can help. I have all sorts of curves and I think it’s easier for my clothes to look a bit frumpier, if I don’t choose wisely. Also, some people just naturally have very clear skin or easy-to-manage hair. I have a niece, for instance, who looks just as put together with no makeup and in exercise clothes as I would in a fancier outfit.
I love the before/after sliders you’ve been using. SO COOL. I must figure this out.
We have talked face to face a lot, and I have never once thought you were awkward! Never! Also I love your humour and your general being! I don’t know if this helps or not but I sure have never once thought “that Suzanne is so awkward.” Never! I have always thought “Yay, I get to talk to Suzanne, she’s the most delightful person!” Also also, I have always thought you look great AND you have the most lovely hair. I have some friends who have the kind of hair that they just wash…and air dry…and it’s literally perfect. It’s boggling. I remember once my friend Florence came over after swimming, so her hair was wet, and then within the time we had tea, it transformed into this perfect, wavy hair, and I realized that she did literally nothing, and it was perfect. I find this to be an amazing thing since my own hair requires significantly more effort.
Great job on the cleaning project! What a satisfying thing!!
Well done on your organizing project! It’s a huge accomplishment, isn’t it? And it never ends — just takes a break for awhile! So, enjoy that break (before you head to the clothing division!) I had to laugh about the make-up and going out thing. When I was working, I was sort of public and I couldn’t leave the house without looking decent — make up and not totally slobby dressing! Now, after retirement and not a lot of TV time in ages, I’m a lot more lenient on that and yes, will go out without a perfect face. And I can almost count on running into someone I know when I do. How does that happen, anyway?
I am pink suit lady at events—I make that exact face. I can’t fully trust my nervous system in public, it always does its own thing 🤣
Your magical before/after office picture is blogging wizardry. I don’t even want to admit how many times I clicked back and forth. ASMR for the eyes. Your office looks beautiful. And so does kitty. 💜
Huh. I love talking to people. I recently went to an awards thing that my husband’s department was hosting. When I walked in, the room was so quiet. I said – now the party can begin – and my husband literally said afterwards that I turned that room around. If you ever meet me in person Suzanne, don’t worry about being awkward. I am awkward, but we’ll have fun!
I’m envious of your cleaning project. All clothes kids out grow or no longer want, land in my room. In theory I sort them and distribute to cousins, sibs, or donations. I reality- those piles sit there. Not a priority but this means my room is a literal disaster. Tots nap in there so I have very little time to sort it.
sorry you feel awkward when meeting new people. I am confident that you are coming off lovely and witty and kind. I’m guessing my opinion from a distance is not helping, but I hope your concerns somehow subside. I am a chatty person anc I often walk away from a new introduction wondering if I said too much.
I do not wear make up and rarely am I put together in the morning at the grocery store, so I too wonder how. I wonder if because of the size of her family, she runs a very tight ship. My theory is based on how my kids seem to get more accomplished/manage their time better when they have a lot to do vs when they have less homework and fewer activities, they are not so great at managing their time.
First I want to applaud you for your truly alliterative post title.
I hear you about meeting people. I have been, in some instances, able to overcome my introvertish fears in order to help, in some small way, further the political outcome I desire. That said, you have found the very best meme to express how meeting people can go.
I know you were talking about your neighbor in the grocery store, but the accompanying photo of your cat neatly fits the description: “was wearing an adorable outfit, had a full face of makeup, and looked like [he] was ready to star in a commercial … or perhaps accept a nomination to become the patron saint of [cat]hood.” THE most photogenic cat.
I don’t know how the neighbor or the cat accomplish their vibe. Most of the time when out and public I and my rosacea-laden-no-makeup face are there, being a walking advertisement for democracy. I am a member of the We Do Not Care Anymore club.
I am trying to clean up my office but it’s SO hard. High praise to you for your cleaning project accomplishment!
If it makes you feel better, I go through a similar clean up at frequent intervals… but I love your desk setup and the letter print on your wall! 🙂
I feel you on the second topic… and for me it’s mostly a “time management” question. I feel like I manage my time fairly well, but there are ALWAYS a gazillion things I don’t accomplish in a day, and then I wonder if others have just different priorities or simply more time? I want in on the secret.
Suzanne, YOU are my soul sister, I think. I go through the SAME anxious spiraling when I have to meet new people. I will even sometimes get a little nervous when I’m driving to book club, even though I know everyone and we love each other! But I’m worried if I’m going to be the last to arrive, how I will greet my friends, etc. IT’S SO DUMB. I also really struggle with word retrieval in social settings (thanks, social anxiety) so I just feel so out of my element. ughhhh.
As for the other mom… I think some people have lower sleep needs and a different energy level. It’s just not me! I can’t even fathom having the energy for ONE kid, much less five. I mean, I can barely even make myself presentable for work calls some days.
And, finally, the newly organized desk makes my heart go pitter-patter. SO PRETTY!
Congrats on the reorganization.
I rarely work at my desk either and the reason is the cats, well just Willow really. She jumps up on the desk if I am working there and knocks everything over. If I put the laptop on the dining room table, she also jumps up there, but the table is bigger than the desk so while she still knocks things over, the carnage is less dramatic. So I only use the desk when I really need a mouse or a second monitor, which is a shame because I would like to use those things more often.
Right there with you with the awkwardness. I cannot fathom how people pull an Engie and just…saunter in and talk to people? I skulk (if I’m there at all, which, let’s be honest, isn’t typical) and then find the closest corner. Bonus points if it is dark and not inhabited by other skulkers. What you wrote at the beginning of this post is exactly what was going through my head when I met YOU last year. Ha. Peas, pod?