It’s Friday and my mind, as per usual, is scattered. Let’s try to shuffle some of the disarray into more manageable piles. (To be clear, by “shuffle” I mean “complain a lot about inconsequential things.”)
- This week has been full of headaches. Literal headaches. Are they from neck tension? Eye strain? Allergies? Too much gum chewing? Not enough water consumption? WHO KNOWS. Advil seems to help, but I need to have something in my stomach before I take Advil (so says my physician husband) and I don’t like eating first thing in the morning and that’s when they are worst. Perhaps I should ask him, how much something do I need to eat? If, like, a handful of cashews would suffice, maybe I could deal with that.
- While I’m whining about aches and pains, let me tell you that my forearm pain persists. The exercises in the video I told you about here helped tremendously, but then the pain returned. I have been babying it. Trying to avoid lifting things with that hand, eschewing weight lifting of any sort, trying to sleep on my back instead of on that arm. Stretches and the exercises that helped so much originally. (I think I may have been a little aggressive with the massage aspect of the exercises yesterday; my arm is kind of throbbing today, when normally it only hurts when I lift something.) Probably I should go to my doctor… but I have been resisting that step because I feel like she won’t be able to DO anything. Offer sympathy? Recommend rest, ice, and pain medication? The very best case (realistic) scenario is that she refers me to a forearm pain specialist… but then I have to make the appointment and wait to see that doctor and do whatever tests and yada yada blah blah blah. Why yes I am aware I am being a HUGE CRABBY BABY about this.
- How are you staying fit if you can’t do your normal fitness routine? My preferred workout is strength training with weights. But I simply cannot do that right now. My second preference is for walking, but I find that lately my back hurts after I come in from a walk. What is THAT about? Probably I need new shoes, but UGH. How am I supposed to participate in Elisabeth’s walking club if I’m not walking? It feels like the only option is yoga, so I guess I will see what Adriene has to offer. It’s just that I feel impatient when I try to do yoga. Impatient and also clunky and off kilter. I am realizing that those are reasons TO do yoga, not to avoid it.
- I am in the process of transitioning to a new blog – with new URL and layout and everything – and that is a HUGE pain. I realize it will also be a bit of a pain for you as well, and I apologize in advance. Hopefully I’ll be able to figure out how to make this blog link automatically to the new one, once it’s all transitioned. I’m still trying to figure out how the new layout works. My free WordPress blog theme is so old that it is no longer supported, so I can’t recreate it on the new blog, which annoys me to no end. And the new blog theme doesn’t seem to work quite the same way, which is also frustrating and makes me feel very old and out of touch with technology. It’s all on WordPress, I don’t know why it doesn’t work the same way. Grump grump, crab crab.
- Death has been on my mind a bit this week, so please skip this bullet if you aren’t up for THAT. I mean, we have the Passover and Easter stories, which are both as full of death as they are of hope. Also, I had a nightmare about my friend – in which I texted her old phone number because I missed her, and she responded, and then was furious at me because I hadn’t reached out to her (because I thought she was dead). In the dream, I so clearly remembered her wake, and yet I got to see her, in person, in the dream, and she was so very alive. I was so grateful that I had been wrong, and felt so guilty for having believed she was dead, and so devastated that I had her back in my life only for her to treat me with anger and coldness. When I finally woke up, I had a whole day of residual grief and guilt, on top of the renewed sense of loss that comes with having to confront that a truth you had accepted for many years is still true.
- If you skipped the previous bullet, you should skip this one too. Death was with us at the Passover seder this week, too. The last time I’d been in our friends’ home, it was to honor the loss of their mother. I was grateful to see all the same faces, gathered this time in celebration instead of in mourning. But their mother’s absence was palpable. I wanted, so many times throughout the evening, to say her name, to acknowledge that she was not there. But in the concentric circles of closeness to the family, I am in one of the outer rings, and it did not feel appropriate. And yet. Isn’t one of the loneliest parts of loss the feeling that you are the only one who remembers your loved one? Wouldn’t it be a comfort to know that others are thinking of her too? The aftermath of loss is so unnecessarily complicated. I think we think that feel we are expected to move on from loss, or that we worry we will bring down the mood if we bring up a lost loved one in a celebratory space, or that we don’t want to provoke additional pain in those who are grieving by calling their loved one to mind (when, of course, our dead do not ever leave our thoughts). In the end, I did not mention her once; it never felt appropriate. And yet I wish I had had the courage to say something, even if it was the wrong thing. My current plan is to try to find the right words to say I missed her in the thank you note I will write to our host.
- Let’s talk about something cheery and frivolous! After your thoughtful responses to my Easter basket conundrum, and a text from my husband that said something like “buy lots of candy and maybe one small present,” I did indeed go buy “lots of candy.” Like, waaaayyyyyyy too much candy. The small present is a book I bought on a whim. I read this book – and, in fact, much of the series – when I was a kid, so the nostalgia factor played a big part in my spur-of-the-moment purchase. I hope Carla likes it, but at the very least I will enjoy rereading it.
- We are back to the dessert drawing board. I mentioned to Carla that her father had requested coconut cake or carrot cake for Easter dessert, and she said she doesn’t like either of those options. Well, neither do I. So we are trying to figure out something that sounds festive and springy and light and not terribly complicated. My vote is for this smashed raspberry cake (even though it sounds a little more complex than I was hoping for), but my husband wants to make a trifle (even though we do not have a trifle dish), and Carla wants a strawberry cake (for which I cannot find a recipe that sounds appealing).
- While I was shopping for Easter candy, I wandered into the gardening aisle. Every year, I have grand plans to grow a bunch of things, despite a long history of lackluster results with getting things to grow, and this year is no exception. I bought A TON of seeds, tomato and zucchini and basil and dill and cilantro, but also a bunch of flower seeds, hollyhock and calendula and echinacea and more. I have never tried to grow flowers from seed before. We’ll see if I have any success at all. I’m still trying to revive my poor sickly palm plants. I was able to move them out to the sun porch this week, for some tropical weather. Although it is supposed to snow next week. These tumultuous weather patterns are not pleasant.
- Speaking of which, Carla and I had a bit of excitement this week. We were driving home from school when my phone lit up with an emergency tornado warning alert. I thought the tornado warning was for the area around our home, so I kept driving. My husband texted that we should go to the mall or something, but that would have meant turning around, so I suggested I would drive us to his hospital and we could all wait out the tornado warning together. Well, okay, he said, but there’s a tornado warning here, too. Oh, great. I had not realized we were also driving through a tornado warning. If I have fixed any tornado knowledge in my brain, it is that being in a car during a tornado is a Bad Plan. It was at that moment that the wind picked up and rain started coming down in sheets. No one else driving around us seemed the least bit concerned – except, perhaps, for the guy on the motorcycle in front of us, who kept looking up at the sky. When lightning and thunder started out of nowhere, I turned into the nearest parking lot, grabbed Carla, and dashed into a restaurant. I was quite nervous at that point, and it was disorienting to burst into the restaurant, soaking wet, only to see staff and patrons behaving as though everything was totally normal. Carla’s school tornado drill training kicked in and she dragged me toward a table in the back of the restaurant, away from the windows and doors. While I was trying to figure out what to do – do I… order food??? – she said that we’d passed a sign for the bathrooms, which were downstairs, and she wanted us to go into the basement. Yes, good, let’s do that. There were only two other women down there. Apparently, no one seems to feel as freaked out by a tornado warning as I do???? We waited out the storm and everything was fine, but the whole experience was very weird. Tornados would occasionally swirl through my hometown in the summers, and my mother was very, very firm about always going into the basement to ride out the threat. But here, even pulling off the road seemed like an overreaction! Oh well. I would rather overreact than the alternative.
- Carla, who was quite justifiably terrified by this experience, was primarily concerned for the cat. Who was at home, alone. Fortunately, we could watch him. My husband got me a pet camera for my birthday, and then he got a second one so we could check in on the cat while we were gone over spring break. (Lenny also had a cat sitter, he wasn’t alone all day every day.) So Carla was able to watch him while we were hunkered down in the restaurant basement. He spent the entire time on the kitchen table (where he is not allowed) and the kitchen island (where he is also not allowed), completely unperturbed by the thunder and lightning going on outside.
That’s it for today, Internet. Happy holidays, to those who celebrate, and happy weekend to those who don’t.
Oh, Lenny, completely unrepentant and magnificent on the table.
I’m probably on the casual side for Tornado warnings- I watch the radar obsessively but don’t go down to the basement unless it’s close. Maybe pull over to an underpass and hunker down in a car? Some public places lock the doors with Tornado warnings, so a place like the library or mall might not be open.
Unrepentant is the perfect descriptor for our kitty!
My husband is definitely a more casual tornado guy, too. I like to believe it’s good we balance each other out, lol.
Lawbreaker Lenny!!! I approve. I also want a pet cam now. I already know that we’d have to put it in our bedroom pointing right at our bed, since that’s where Doggo spends most of her free time.
I’m pretty sure that you only need a bite of two of food for medications that require it. Something like a cracker, or even better, some cashews. But your resident doctor can advise better.
I hope that the aches and pains go away and that you and yours have a wonderful easter <3
Omg the cat picture is hilarious. Now I kind of want one for my cats to see what they’re up to while I’m gone. It’s like they only learn that we don’t like to SEE them on the table/counter, so if we’re away, they’re suddenly allowed, LOL.
I hope you feel better about your pains and good luck in your transition to a new blog site! I’m still in blogger because the times I wanted to give wordpress a try, I end up feeling overwhelmed. Maybe one day!
I cannot stop laughing about Lenny on the pet-cam, flagrantly doing what he isn’t supposed to do. That is the most cat thing ever!
Lenny looks like he knows he’s on the pet cam and is showing his independence from any rules that the humans have tried to set. I’m sorry about the pains! I’ve been doing much more walking (yay!) but now am having intermittent shin pains and some foot issues, not serious but annoying nonetheless. Like you, I just want my body to cooperate so I can take care of it the way I’m supposed to! I experienced a tornado warning once while in Wisconsin. I had no clue what I was supposed to do. I think overreacting (not that you did) is much better than underreacting from what I’ve seen of tornadoes. Would your husband accept a store bought carrot cake and then you could make one that Carla and you like?
Transitioning my blog from the defunct Typepad to WordPress wasn’t easy at all–so stressful. The WP Happiness Engineers were very helpful but I’m still terrified to make any changes, which seem to mess up everything.
I thought I loved Lenny K as much as humanly possible for someone who hasn’t had the privilege of actually meeting him, but clearly I was wrong, because now that I knew what a flagrant scofflaw he is, I love him even more.
Regarding death…that’s such a hard balance to strike, right? When someone is in mourning, do they want to know that you are thinking of them, or of their loved one? Or are they perhaps having a brief moment of peace from their pain and you’re going to pull them right back into it? I struggle with this. For me, when I’m deep in it, anyone mentioning the person or dog I am bitterly missing will most certainly make me cry, but at the same exact time, it makes me feel seen and understood. I think if they did not mention her, it was probably appropriate for you to not do so either. But I think some kind words in your note is the perfect solution.
Ack, tornado warnings! Terrifying. I’ve never been through one, and would have no idea what to do. Thanks to Carla, now I know to go to a basement if there is one.
Advil – ask your husband, of course, but the reality is probably going to be that we are all different. I have tried taking it with just a cup of milk or a banana, and I get a horrible stomach ache and throw up. (I’m talking about cold and sinus Advil, though, it helps with my sinus headaches) I need to eat a full meal first. I don’t like eating first thing in the morning either, and of course that is when it is the worst, so I have to force myself. So maybe try something light, and if your stomach betrays you, you will know to eat more next time. I’ve been known to put off taking it until I can face food, which is not always what I really want when I’m feeling like crap. Blah.
Cake! What about a white cake, with whipped cream and fresh strawberries or raspberries in the middle? Sort of like a trifle, but fresher?
Wow — what a wonderful, news-filled post! First of all, please, please, please, say something to your friend. Talk about her mom. Tell her you miss her too, and why. It will not make her more sad, it will help her know what she meant to people. And even if she tears up, they will be good tears. The kind you get when you are deeply touched and know you are cared for. There is nothing worse than being one who has lost a loved one and everyone goes on like nothing has happened, that the holiday is the same. The sharing is part of the healing rituals. Trust me on this.
I’m very sorry to hear about the pain. It’s so terribly frustrating, isn’t it, when it not only hurts but messes up your whole routine and there is no immediate sign of exit. Hang in there. And yes, you were wise to hit the restaurant during the tornado warning (says the woman who’s partner had a tree fall on his roof last May during a tornado). You cannot be too safe. (And good job, Carla, with the basement. You have quite a girl there!)
If you want easy, you can’t get easier than “make your own Sundae” (or banana split), having two or three favorite ice creams, lots of fruits, toppings, sprinkles and of course, whipped cream!
Have a wonderful Easter, no matter what dessert is. It will be beautiful and I suspect, lots of fun. (And Lenny might even get an extra treat!)
Regarding death, there is the choice to mourn and celebrate their life or mourn their death. If the family is choosing the former, know that it is an effort for them. I think if that can be in some way acknowledged ~ xx would be proud of how you organized that, or she would love that you have continued bringing people together…..as opposed to it felt so quiet without xx here (which would be more appropriate if they are mourning their death). Everyone grieves differently and every loss is different. In some cases you move on, in others you learn to live with the pain. I’m sure your presence alone was of comfort to the family.
For the arm pain, have you tried physiotherapy or dry needling? It may be that your back and arm pain are connected.
Oh Lenny! That photo made me laugh so hard. Cats are awesome! But a tornado warning sounds terrifying, and I would freak out completely. Maybe a doctor could help with your forearm pain. This is not the same situation, but I had horrible pain in my middle finger (NOT from overuse! Ha! Ha!), and the joint would lock up. I asked my GP, and she said, “That’s what happens when we age, and you’ll have to learn to live with it.” Months later, I overheard an older man talking about his “trigger finger” and how a hand specialist cured it. So I went to a specialist, and he gave me one shot of cortisone in the joint, and within a few days, the pain was gone. It was amazing – and I regretted that I suffered with the pain for so long. Probably over a year. So…it might be worth it to get your arm checked out. That’s all – I have rambled on and on here! I’m looking forward to seeing your new blog layout! ♥️ Happy Easter!
I like Jeanie’s advice of saying something. I think grief is very lonely and people are afraid to mention the person for fear of triggering more grief. But if no one says anything, it can feel like no one else misses that person. But it is all so complicated. Gah. Death. It is awful.
I hate bad dreams that stick with you. I basically had the same awful dream 3 out of 4 nights that I was at my sister’s. I was so bothered by it! And then it kept happening. Thank goodness it did not continue when I got back home.
I am mailing in Easter baskets. I got some candy for the boys and then they each get a new swimsuit. I hope the one I got for Paul fits. He wears 5T suits but Will is now 5T so I would hope a big boy suit will fit him. Kid sizing is so odd, just like adult sizing. I never know what might fit him. It’s annoying. Almost as annoying as making doctor appts over the phone. I told myself I would make 3 appts today. I made 2. And there is at least one other appt to schedule, plus I need to make sure the boys have dentist appts coming up. Sigh. I need an assistant to manage all these dang appts.
I have raced to this comment box to talk about forearm pain! I have forearm pain too! It’s been an issue for a while and I finally decided I had to do something about it, so I patient portal messaged my primary care doc and asked for an occupational therapy referral. She sent one, and on Tuesday I went in for the first time. The very nice OT is not allowed to diagnose, but he obviously knows what’s going on in my forearm (something about how the nerves fit through a narrow place – radial tunnel syndrome, maybe??) and has A PLAN to deal with it. I’m very happy to be maybe, hopefully, finally on the path to less pain…
I LOVE your idea of mentioning your friends’ mother in your thank-you note. I love how it takes care of the entire difficult situation AND gives you a chance to say something more heartfelt than you might want to say in person.
I am having elbow pain and feeling pretty grumpy about it. I too feel as if there is almost no point in going to a doctor—and that if there IS a point, then it’s a grumpy process.
I would definitely mention the loved one in the thank-you note. I do think that’s the loneliest thing, to feel like you are the only one who feels the loss – and I think your friend would be happy to know that she isn’t alone. It IS such a weird thing, it does feel like it would bring down the mood to mention things, but somehow it actually makes things better, because the loved one is always in mind.
TORNADO. Is that…it feels like it is the wrong time of year? But what do I know. Anyway, that is terrifying to be out and about with a tornado warning! You did the right thing.
I feel you about the little pains! Don’t tell your husband but I’m totally taking Advil on an empty stomach – I don’t have breakfast until after I walk Rex, so like 9 am, but there is no way I’m walking 5 km with plantar fasciitis unmedicated. Is this damaging me? Probably. But I don’t see any way out until this PF has gone away.
I am sorry about all the different kind of pain. Sounds like a lot to deal with at once.
The thank you note idea is perfect.
I love the picture of Lenny on the table and he’s right– there’s nothing you can do about it.
Here is a recipe for strawberry cake we’ve used. I will be honest. It’s fine but not spectacular. It’s the frosting that’s next level. We use it all the time on non-strawberry cakes (most often chocolate but vanilla is good, too, and I think we’ve done strawberry frosting on lemon cake.)
https://www.wholefoodsmarket.com/recipes/strawberry-cake
We passed these cookies my MIL used to buy for us at the grocery store recently and I said to my husband, “I don’t think I’ve had those since your mom died” and we both turned and stared at the cookies. This lady was passing by and I swear I think she thought it was rude that I had said that. But it made us happy! These cookies! She used to buy food we liked! And then we’d convince her to eat the cookies, too! People like to remember the good things about their loved ones, especially if they died after a prolonged illness. I want to remember my MIL as the happy lady buying cookies at Hyvee, not the sick lady she was in bed for the last bit, you know?
This got sad. The cookies made us happy, I promise.
I’m sorry you are in pain in those various ways. I hope the pain subsides. As I age I never know what pain will crop up each day. It’s like “Hello, sciatic nerve! You did not NEED to remind me that you exist.” And then the next day it’s gone and replaced by something different.
What a dreadful and difficult nightmare.
I once was driving by myself clear across the state – maybe a 5 or 6 hour drive. About an hour into the trip, on the big highway signs, they posted “Tornado warning” with a graphic of a tornado. The sign gave no instructions on what to do, so it was a useless warning. I kept driving, and never saw a tornado. But I was terrified the entire time. If I was with my child, I hope I would have done what you did – I think it was the right course of action.
Ha, that’s funny you can watch Lenny doing all the things he’s not allowed to do when you’re home.
About the Seder- I can tell you that the first Thanksgiving after my mom died, I asked my husband not to make any mention of her at dinner- my dad and I were still too fragile at that point and it would have been too hard for us. Holidays are HARD when you’ve recently lost a loved one. So I think you did the right thing. If you send a thank you note and mention the mom then, that would be perfect.
Adriene has several yoga videos specifically for low back pain (wait- is that where your back hurts? Well, she has videos for all sorts of back issues). Anyway I know what you mean about yoga, but it really helped me when my low back was flaring up. Sorry about the aches and pains- headaches are really annoying. And, I had a brief issue with my forearm (from work) and couldn’t lift weights. It only lasted about a week, but it was frustrating. Mine went away on its own, but I did have to baby it.
I hope you had a nice Easter!
Please do update about the amount of food I need to eat to take ibuprofen because I also struggle with that. Like will a cracker do? How recently must I have eaten for that one to count?
Lots of candy and one small present is also how we do easter baskets. I did Pringles and fancy Japanese sodas this year too. Treats that they don’t get often but are also consumable and don’t fill up my house.
I once did a tornado warning in a restaurant just like that too and it was also very strange. We did end up staying for lunch. And the tornado warning started while I was in the phone store (or something similarly boring like that, it was ages ago) and I went to Moe’s next door because the buildings were the same and I thought if we were stuck there, we might as well be stuck in a building with chips.
The terrible dream about your friend, then the loss of your friends mom, then the tornado. Well, you got my blood pressure UP. Thanks. 🤣 Honestly, I have nightmares about fleeing from a tornado! I’m glad all ended well and that Carla knew what you should do—she’s a smart cookie!
I hope you figure out about the headaches. I wonder if it’s allergies. Do you take something for that, perhaps at night? That might deter the morning headache, maybe??
Have you tried an ergonomic mouse/keyboard for the forearm pain? Not sure if it’s similar, but I had really bad pain in my wrist and hand (it hurt to even hold the steering wheel with that hand) and using an ergonomic keyboard made the pain disappear entirely!
I am still having left hand and arm pain and it is screwing my exercise up massively. I am handling it brilliantly, by not exercising much at all, follow me for more lifestyle tips. Our weather is shit and I am leaning hard on migraine pills – nothing else works for weather migraines. Eve has issues with Advil even with food, so I am highly sympathetic to that. My back definitely kicks up when my shoes and/or orthotics need to be replaced.
New blog – I have secondhand anxiety!
Death has also been on my mind a lot. Not necessarily a bad thing I guess, unless it crowds out all the other stuff in my mind. Which is not that much, honestly, and most of it is book plots and Simpsons references.
Tornado warnings used to freak me out, but then we started having them so frequently it became like the boy who cried wolf, except it was not, of course, and it is quite stupid of me to treat it that way, but my nervous system couldn’t be on high alert for that long. You definitely did the right thing. And so did Lenny, because if the end is approaching FUCK THE HOUSE RULES
The little aches and pains can be so darn frustrating. I’m sorry you are dealing with so many simultaneously (and I hope that this comment is so late that some of them have, perhaps, vanished?). I second/third/eighth the recommendation to see someone about your arm – orthopod, PT, OT would all be reasonable options. If the pain came back and what you’re doing is not helping, well… maybe someone else would have some ideas?