I have a bunch of tiny inconsequential things to discuss this weekend.
1. This Headline Made Me Mad: I recognize that not everyone cares about Mother’s Day, and that it is a perfectly fine and/or pleasant holiday for many, that it is a non-event for some – and that it is, for reasons of loss or estrangement or jerkfacery, horrible for others. That’s why I am building up quite a froth about this headline, and about all the other “last minute Mother’s Day” emails in my inbox. Because it is clearly accepted that some people will wait until the very last second, and that’s a shitty take. It is YOUR MOTHER, or the mother of YOUR CHILD. It is not hard to remember to do literally anything to celebrate the mother in your life! LITERALLY ANYTHING! That is the bar! For me, Mother’s Day has typically been a day of ambiguous expectations, complicated feelings, and subsequent guilt. For no reason other than that Mother’s Day is a day built on very high expectations that really have no way of being met while simultaneously feeling that I should nonetheless have no expectations at all. Gigi noted on Elisabeth’s post the other day that she tries to think of Mother’s Day as about others, not about herself; it is not a day for her but a day she gives her loved ones the chance to honor her. The Lazy Genius posted something similar on Instagram today, and both of these arguments resonated with me. So I am trying to reframe Mother’s Day for myself. (This does not work, of course, if your family choose not to honor you, which is fortunately not my situation. But if it is your situation, I see you and I am furious on your behalf.) I am also thinking about Sarah’s beautiful article (which she linked to recently in a related post) about reframing the often tedious and resentment-building tasks of motherhood as acts of love, because it seems topically appropriate.
2. Indoor Outdoor: Guess who wore her indoors only shoes outside? And only figured it out halfway through the walk? Turns out you can wash sneakers in the washing machine, which is good to know.
3. Speaking of Shoes: I have FINALLY found a new pair of walking shoes. Mine were really in a state of disrepair. I don’t know WHAT I do to shoes, but the heel part of each shoe has a giant hole in it. It took me three tries, but I finally settled on a pair of Brooks Ghost 14s. It took me so long because my typical size felt very small, and then so did the next size up. So I am wearing size 9.5 instead of 8. They are very comfy and I only got blisters the first day I wore them, which speaks more to the state of my heels than to the shoes themselves. Now I am working on finding CUTE sandals that won’t make my feet ache.
4. I’ve Never Bean So Surprised: I went to roast some chickpeas the other day, and my can of chickpeas had a bunch of kidney beans in it! I was a little weirded out. It seemed highly likely that the beans were perfectly fine to eat, and that I should just move on with my day… but the catastrophizer portion of my brain very helpfully started coming up with all these Danger Scenarios: If the bean segregation system was down, wouldn’t that mean that other important systems could be down, too? Cleaning systems? Packaging systems that allow the beans to be safely canned? Perhaps the quality assurance had taken a nosedive at Hanover, and if they weren’t monitoring this aspect of quality, maybe there were other areas that were failing as well. If there is contamination of bean types, could there be other kinds of contamination? What if the bean containment unit hadn’t been cleaned properly, and the kidney beans were left behind and were all old and gross? So I poured the beans down the sink and opened a new can. Same issue! Kidney beans in the garbanzos! I poured that one out too and submitted a comment on the Hanover website. Then I opened a third can. Seemed fine. I rinsed the chickpeas and poured them onto a sheet pan. Where I spotted one lone kidney bean. I tossed it and roasted the chickpeas.
5. Memory Failure: My husband picked up his acoustic guitar the other day and I asked him if he was going to serenade me. No. He instead gave me a mini lecture on… chords, I think? Not really sure. I am not nor do I suspect I will ever be interested in playing the guitar and I tuned out a little, remembering this guy in high school who DID serenade me with his acoustic guitar. He was a lovely boy, so sweet and smart and very talented at both playing the guitar and singing. He used to sing me James Taylor and Eric Clapton songs, and I remember very distinctly how cool it was (a boy was serenading me! and he was legit good at it!) and yet how uncomfortable it was (did he… expect Something? I was not interested in him romantically) (and also it is a little weird to just sit in a room while someone sings at you). (I do think I may have kissed him once? Despite not being romantically interested in him? Which felt like a reasonable concession on my part for all the lovely serenades, but also probably confused the issue for him. Ugh. How do I prevent Carla from feeling like she ever owes a person kisses?) Anyway. I was sitting there, not listening to my poor darling husband as he earnestly explained how to use one’s finger as a capo??? to make power chords???? and thinking about this boy from high school and how I could NOT FOR THE LIFE OF ME REMEMBER HIS LAST NAME. I could remember his first name. I could remember the first and last name of the woman he married. (I wonder if he won her over by serenading her? and, if so, whether he sang her the same exact songs?) (And does he serenade her to this day?) But I CANNOT remember his last name. I remember his first name. Although the more I try to locate his last name in my memory, the shakier I feel about the accuracy of his first name. There are people I could ask, of course. And maybe I have a yearbook floating around somewhere that features him and his entire name. But instead, I keep picturing his very pleasant face and being unable to come up with the name. Memory is weird.
6. Non Dairy Update (as Opposed to a Dairy Non Update, or a Non Dairy Non Update): I have been dairy free for two and a half weeks now. It’s going fine. I don’t LOVE dairy products, so I don’t really miss them. The only place I need dairy is in my morning tea, and Nicole recommended cashew milk, so I am using that and it’s very creamy. It tastes like cashews though, which shouldn’t be a surprise based on the fact that it is cashew milk. But I found it surprising, and each time I drink my tea now I have to remind myself, This will taste mildly of cashews. I like cashews, and eat them as a snack quite frequently, so it’s not that I dislike the taste in any way. It’s just… not a flavor I experience often outside of the actual nut. The biggest issue I’m having is that I cannot for the life of me figure out how to get as much protein as I was able to squeeze in before. I have been counting calories since January (with very little luck, but I haven’t braved another option), and yogurt, skim milk, and cottage cheese have been KEY to me getting enough protein while sticking within my calorie limit. I will admit that I don’t really know what I’m doing in terms of protein, but from the resources I’ve consulted, it seems like the goal is at least 30 grams of protein per meal, with a secondary goal of 130 grams per day (some sources say as many grams of protein as your weight in pounds). I was pretty good at getting at least 100 grams per day with my regimen of yogurt-plus-skim-milk-smoothie with protein-fortified bread and almond butter for breakfast, cottage cheese for lunch or snack, and lean meat for dinner, with sometimes a little boost of yogurt for dessert. But now I am lucky if I can get to 70 grams of protein a day. Probably this is because I hate eggs (although I do eat them) and cannot eat soy (not that I could stomach the texture of tofu even if I could eat soy). Anyway. If you have Hot Tips about meeting protein goals I am keen to hear them.
7. Bee Mug: It is very grey and yucky outside today with occasional spurts of rain, which means that half of my Mother’s Day request will go unmet, at least for the near future. (I wanted to go to a local attraction we’ve never visited, because my child and husband have no interest in it; they agreed to go with me as a Mother’s Day gift. We can’t go tomorrow because my daughter has An Event; not sure if the event schedulers are geniuses or jerks.) So I am blogging, reading, and drinking green tea from my bee mug, which was a birthday gift from Gigi and which makes me deeply pleased every time I drink from it.
What are you up to this weekend? Any email headlines really grating your cheese today? From what vehicle are you drinking your morning beverage of choice these days? Any suggestions for CUTE feet friendly sandals I should look into? Have you ever been serenaded?
These flip flops, I have the silver and they are very cute and I can walk miles in them (though I only wear them for beach wear, I do not consider flip flops to be actual shoes so my miles is occasionally in beach scenarios): https://www.amazon.com/gp/product/B07BPXGP4R/ref=ppx_yo_dt_b_search_asin_title?ie=UTF8&th=1&psc=1
These sandals, I have them in gold and black, they seem to be out of stock but I have bought them multiple times over the last fifteen years and I assume they’ll be back eventually: https://www.amazon.com/gp/product/B07C982JQ4/ref=ppx_yo_dt_b_search_asin_title?ie=UTF8&th=1&psc=1
Add to cart!
Also, this for general foot niceness. I like it so much I gave it to people for Christmas last year.
https://www.target.com/p/dr-scholl-39-s-severe-cracked-heel-repair-restoring-balm-2-5oz/-/A-81576469?ref=tgt_adv_xsp&AFID=google&fndsrc=tgtao&DFA=71700000049427614&CPNG=PLA_Health_Priority%2BShopping_Local%7CHealth_Ecomm_Essentials&adgroup=Health_Priority+TCINs&LID=700000001170770pgs&LNM=PRODUCT_GROUP&network=g&device=c&location=9051981&targetid=pla-323550796233&gclid=CjwKCAjw6vyiBhB_EiwAQJRopsmyJjZItnJ4NfeUmX3z4Qdoqi2S_mKKEWYlZNoEiAxKilsqRs9UkhoCrYUQAvD_BwE&gclsrc=aw.ds
Excellent! Thank you!
I love my Brooks Ghost running shoes although I should do more running in them than I’ve been doing lately. It’s hard to get motivated again after giving it up for quite a few months. I’m having dinner with one daughter tonight and seeing the other one tomorrow (I think?); the two daughters are estranged which is painful for me and makes me not want to celebrate the holiday at all.
That sounds really painful, Margaret. I hope the holiday passes quickly for you.
I’m glad that you called this meeting! My hot takes are:
– Ouch, way to rub it in that mom comes last
– Team Ghost! They weren’t a good running shoe for me but they’re a great everything-else-shoe.
– Can I play devil’s advocate and ask why you’re shooting for 130 grams of protein? Do you feel better when you eat more protein or is it just because everyone says so? If you legit feel better or are seeing other benefits that of course, yes do what you have to do to get the protein. I’m only asking because I fell into the trap of thinking that I needed more protein==>eating a lot of foods that I hated to get the protein==>gaining weight==>not seeing any physical benefits whatsoever==>tossing my hands in the air and saying “f-you protein”.
I think it is a combination of trying to find ways to eat less but feel more full, and also to fuel my body in the most efficient ways? I don’t honestly know. I’m throwing spaghetti. I did like the way I felt full when I was getting all that protein. I feel less full now, more snacky. And choosing yogurt or cottage cheese just felt… better, I guess, than choosing a protein bar. Even though I love a protein bar! Nothing against them.
But also, “f-you protein” is a perfectly valid response.
I wonder if you might try getting in touch with a dietician. They are usually smart, well trained and incredibly knowledgeable about how to get enough protein. In addition she or he could also perhaps give you some ideas about how to tweak your diet a little to support your weight loss goal? And might even have some ideas about Carla’s diet?? I used one about 6 months ago and was blown away by how helpful she was.
This is a good suggestion! I will have to think about this a bit. It is probably an unfounded worry, but my concern is that I will hire someone to tell me to eat things that I will not eat.
I love your bee mug! And I’m glad the cashew milk is working for you. I haven’t had dairy in so long I don’t even remember what milk is like, I’m just so used to non-dairy substitutes. I will say one thing I hate about the non-dairy substitutes is that they are so low in protein. I think the cashew milk maybe has 1-2 grams per cup, whereas I think regular milk is more like 15. So that is a huge bummer. I do use protein powder (I love the taste and texture of vegan Protein Works, but IT IS REALLY REALLY REALLY THICK due to chia, so I am warning you, because texture) (it’s not weird and grainy though, unlike most vegan proteins).
Kidney beans in the chickpeas! That’s so weird. Sometimes there will be some other greens in my spinach, and I do find that off-putting for some reason. Like, how did this obvious chard get in here?
What am I doing this weekend? J is recovering from dental surgery. Long long story which I think I will actually blog about, but it was something I thought would be straightforward which turned out to be NOT. So, ugh.
Yes! Cashew milk has 4 g per 8 oz (at least, the version I bought) while almond and macadamia nut milk have 0 to 1 g per 8 oz.
DENTAL SURGERY! Oh geez. I hope he is okay! Sending you all speedy recovery thoughts!
One year when I was a teenager my mother gave me a pretty garnet ring set in 14K gold for Mother’s Day. I’m an only child; she said that without me she’d not be a mother and she wanted to honor that reality. That seems in keeping with your thoughts in #1.
I walk and I wear Brooks Ghost running shoes. They come in narrow which is tricky to find. I drink my morning coffee from a Le Creuset aqua mug. The color alone makes me feel like I can tackle the day. I’m going to look for cashew milk.
Oh, that’s a lovely gesture from your mother! Maybe that’s something to consider for Carla one of these years. It’s very true.
I love a good aqua. And the right mug can really start the day off on the right foot!
What made it extra special is that garnet was my mother’s birthstone, so it was a quiet reminder of her.
Oh, I love that!
Oh Ally, I love that your mother did this.
❣️
You know I have mixed feelings about Mother’s Day!! But I definitely don’t forget (or feel forgotten).
I love that bee mug – adorable. I always drink my coffee out of a very tall mug that isn’t the cutest, but fits the most coffee. I drink tea out of an assortment of other mugs, but I’ll admit as much as I adore some of the little mugs I own, I mostly always want a BIG mug.
I definitely wash sneakers in the laundry; almost never my own, but my son’s REGULARLY.
I loved that article Sarah wrote <3
Happy Mother's Day. I hope it's wonderful in every way.
I am all for mug-that-fits-the-most! Sometimes quantity is the priority!
Re-framing the way I thought about Mother’s Day was a game changer for me. I can’t quite articulate how I felt about Mother’s Day before but it just wasn’t right but now it is – if that makes any sense.
I’m so glad you like that mug! When I saw it, I immediately thought, “This has Suzanne written all over it.”
I have heard good things about Vionic sandals but can’t vouch for them as I’ve never worn them.
As far as protein, my first thought was peanut butter…but I know that is a no go for you. More nuts and grains maybe? I know eggs aren’t a favorite but what if they are in the form of a quiche or soufflé or breakfast casserole instead of scrambled or fried?
Oh and I completely forgot – Happy Mother’s Day, Suzanne. You are a rock star mom and Carla is a very lucky little girl.
That’s crazy about the beans.
Beth’s up in Ithaca this weekend helping Noah pack up his apartment and then driving his stuff (but not him) home so there will be room in the car for all four of us to drive home from his graduation next weekend. Anyway, the upshot of this is it’s just me and North today until evening and they’re not up yet (at 10:10 a.m.) so my MD so far has consisted of a text from Noah. There will be takeout and gifts when Beth gets home, otherwise it’s going to be a day of chores and errands. I can’t even go swimming as I usually do on weekends because I have to take North to an event at school and I was thinking the same thing as you. Why is this event on MD?
What are you up to this weekend? Any email headlines really grating your cheese today? From what vehicle are you drinking your morning beverage of choice these days?
Lots of time outside… The weather has been beautiful. Low 80s, sunny. Delicious. Grass was cut yesterday, and although it makes me sneeze, I love the smell. Blogging, reading, being in my own company. Today the kids and partner made me pancake breakfast with strawberries and whipped cream.
My beverage of choice is… instant coffee with honey and whole milk or, even better, half and half. Mug: depends on what is currently clean and not in the dishwasher. two favorites: big mugs from Henri Bendel that I’ve had for years. One has very thin walls, another is thicker. One has a New York scene, another has Henri Bendel’s signature brown stripe. Henri Bendel went out of business years ago and I used to really like that store.
I try not to get too exercised about Mother’s Day. My sons know that the most wonderful thing they can do for me is to come over and put out my porch and patio furniture. That’s all I really want. I bask in the love language of Acts Of Service and get to enjoy their company and how they banter back and forth. And the granddog comes along, which also brings me Joy and Satisfaction.
As far as the Protein Thing goes, my doctor has never once even asked me, “And how much protein are you getting?” Once in a while, if I feel like I haven’t been getting enough, I eat an apple or banana with peanut butter. And there are plenty of vegetables that pack protein, too, like peas, broccoli, corn, asparagus, and avocados.
I wish I could drink from a cute ceramic mug. I always use an insulated mug because it keeps my coffee hot for a long time. None of my big insulated mugs are cute because they are freebies from tool companies or banks that my husband got from work. It’s sad, really.
I have not only been serenaded, but serenaded with a song written about me. It was equal parts flattering (I mean, come ON!) and extremely awkward because I was not remotely interested in the person doing the serenading. With the benefit of twenty years of hindsight, it is a good memory.
Do you clean/peel your chickpeas before roasting them? We have a recipe that calls for us to do this and it really does make a difference. It’s also a giant PITA. Please tell me that you have a solution for this.
Because we very, very rarely eat meat (like, I can’t remember the last time I did – I LIE! it was a beef jerky stick I picked up in a moment of weakness on a trip to Iowa), protein is a constant source of woe in our house. We rely heavily on yogurt (sorry!), beans (chickpeas and black beans, mostly), and nuts. So many nuts.
LOL at your bean spiral– I would have the same train of thought. LOVE the bee mug, and thanks for sharing the link. As a super privileged white woman, I am very skilled at taking all the benefits patriarchy offers me, so I am all about mother’s day even though the way our economy relies on labor of mothers that exists entirely outside the market is a problem every day. And the kind of neoliberal feminism premised on the labor of shadow mothers? Ugh.
I, as well, have been working on upping my protein and don’t really “do” dairy. In working with my nutritionist, it came out that I have this mental block with protein shakes / smoothies because they don’t seem like real food – however, she said if I really am trying to up my protein, then it is OK to have a shake to bump my #s up while I figure out other foods things to try. I am allergic to whey protein, so I do a plant protein smoothie with water as the base and berries, oats, peanut butter, etc. and keep trying other sources for the some day when I won’t need the smoothie (even though that bean story freaked me out – so canned chickpeas may not be on my list of tries HAHA)!
Lol you throwing away all this beans! I am emotionally incapable of wasting anything so would have had to deal with the kidney beans. I love cashew milk – it’s so creamy. I take my coffee black so don’t have that taste issue. I use it in my smoothies and even for baking. I rarely eat meat but use beans and nuts as my protein source. I also love eggs and eat a hard boiled egg on my salad at lunch each day. Hemp hearts and seeds are also a good source of protein.
I love mephisto shoes – amazing suppport and comfort. Cute sandals. Very, very pricey, but to me well worth it. I also have luck with Naot.
The kideny bean thing is strange.
Curly had a basketball tournie on Sunday at 8 am. On Mother’s Day. No breakfast in bed for these bball mom’s. The weather here was dreary too, which was a bummer.
I do not drink coffee or tea, unless I’m in Ireland. I drink a protein shake in a clear cup. Nothing exciting. I hope you adust to the cashew milk or figure out a better replacement. I like dairy and I’m glad that that is one food I haven’t had to limit.
Thanks for the shoe recs! And EIGHT AY EM on Mother’s Day?! Wowza.
So I actually neglected to get my mom a mother’s day card this year. I felt really bad about it but I was traveling last week and didn’t get a chance to get to the store the week before. So it did sneak up on me a bit and I apologized to my mom who assured me it was not a big deal at all. Instead I sent her a text yesterday with a very specific memory from my childhood that I treasure. I called my grandma, too, and talked about my childhood memories of time spent with her so hopefully that offset the fact that I did not get either of them a card! It can kind of sneak up on a person since the date is always changing based on the calendar but that headline is so dumb.
I don’t track my protein intake but I am sure I do not get 130grams… I do eat a lot of eggs because I like them. And I usually have a protein with most meals but probably not the ideal amount. I had to track things like this when I had gestational diabetes during pregnancy and it was frustrating for me as we are not huge meat eaters so I was not getting enough protein. But on that diet, I could eat as much cheese and fat as I wanted and I somehow did not gain weight. But I was glad to be done counting carbs/thinking about protein and fat instead/etc when the baby was born!
The only sandals I can wear that are non-orthotic are Doc Martens, and several of Eve’s friends said they make me cool, but they could not be called ‘cute’, so I am no help there.
I was totally alone this Mother’s Day weekend – kids at university, husband in Korea – and I still had a better day than some moms I know, which makes me so sad and angry on their behalf.
The kidney bean thing is SO WEIRD. I probably would have eaten them, but not right then, because kidney beans really can’t stand in for roasted chickpeas (and whoever asked you if you peel your chickpeas – how the heck does one peel chickpeas and have any chickpea left?)
I’m not sure I’ve ever been serenaded, but I have had some terrible poetry written for me, and one guy insisted on reciting La Belle Dame Sans Merci (The Beautiful Woman Without Pity) – and THAT was cringey enough.
I love your bee mug. I don’t drink hot drinks in the morning, but the thought of tea in a cute mug is very appealing.
Darn, I’m sorry I’m late commenting on this! Lots of interesting topics and comments here. The thing that really jumped out at me is- I don’t think you need to be aiming for quite that much protein. As Birchwood Pie said, if eating lots of protein makes you feel good that’s one thing- but I’ve been upping my protein this year, and even as a post-menopausal woman (we need more) I don’t aim for 130 grams a day. I get what you’re saying though- cottage cheese probably seems like a better choice than pretzels. I think it’s just a question of finding new options that work for you. I wish I could be more help, but I eat soy (which makes it all way easier.). If I have any brilliant ideas, I’ll let you know!
I like all the shoe recs here- I’m going to check them out. And, I did have a nice Mother’s Day although it’s not like we went all out- I don’t usually make a big deal out of it (part of that is because it makes me miss my mom, so there’s a tinge of sadness to the day.) I think that headline was just trying to be funny- but it did come off as a little obnoxious!
The headline grated my cheese too. (I love that phrase)Why are we so freaking busy these days that we can’t stop and celebrate a special person in our lives? I’m fortunate that my people celebrate me too.
So happy about your sneakers. I’m all about Vionic sandals; they work for me in several styles. (not all of their shoes have the same support) Are you the one who hates flip-flop sandals with the toe post? If not, I found some great cushiony flip-flops with great arch support at a pretty good price on Amazon. I’ve been wearing them for many years; great house shoes.
https://www.amazon.com/gp/product/B07T7ZSMPW/ref=ppx_yo_dt_b_search_asin_title?ie=UTF8&th=1&psc=1
Having someone sing to you is awkward on so many levels.
I just can’t.
The Beans! How weird!
LOL oh, I was once serenaded. By a boy who liked me and in whom I had NO interest whatsoever. His hallmates and his RA (this was freshman year of college), not wanting him to feel awkward when he delivered surprise Valentine’s flowers to me, decided to bring a CD player and they, all of them, knocked on my door. When I opened it they hit Play and broke into “You’ve Lost that Loving Feeling,” just like in Top Gun. Cringe Cringe Cringe! It was horrible.
I did end up dating the kindhearted RA later, for 4 years actually.
OMG – that is hilarious!
I love this mug! Don’t tell me where Gigi got it, I don’t need another mug LOL
That is so odd that there were kidney beans in your garbanzo beans can… but I had to chuckle where your brain went. I would have probably just eaten them or picked them out and threw them out. Haha.
Garbanzo beans are a great source of protein, btw. 🙂
Oh, your kidney bean spiral is so relatable. I go down those spirals quite frequently! I’m glad the bean industry will be okay!
Love Is Blind last season had TWO different guys serenading their fiancees. It was so uncomfortable that I had to fast forward through those parts. It’s just so weird!
OK, the bean thing would freak me out, too. Seriously. Can’t they keep their beans separated?? (Can you try another brand?)
I also second the dietitian recommendation but a) go for an RD, and b) indicate UP FRONT that you have food aversions. And so does Carla. A good one will work WITH you, not tell you what you should eat even if you will not/cannot eat it. You. Do. You.
And dude, I have SO totally done that with my inside shoes and going outside. So frustrating, isn’t it???