I got so many wonderful, thought-provoking questions from lovely readers during NaBloPoMo, but I took a rather lengthy break from answering them and still have a few to address!
Gigi of Gigi’s Ramblings asks:
A follow up to the How I Met My Husband – how long was the engagement?
Once we got married, friends and family alike said, “FINALLY.” We met in fall of our junior year at college and fell in love rather quickly. We moved in together in two years later while I attended graduate school, and then moved together to a different state two years after that so my husband could start medical school. We finally got engaged in September of the second year of medical school, and then got married halfway through his final med school year. That’s seven years from meeting to marriage. Seven. Years.
One of these days I should post about our engagement. And maybe I should post the story of my engagement ring, which is a “fake” family heirloom.
And, I’d love to hear about the wedding too. Based on the description of your dress at the college formal, I’m guessing that your wedding dress was pretty amazing too.
My wedding was a dream wedding. My parents offered us a down payment on a house or a wedding, and we (I, probably) chose the wedding. I am cringing at that now, because WHAT A POOR FINANCIAL DECISION?! I suppose I was 25 at the time I (we?) made this decision, and should have been capable of making a wise choice. But looking back, WHAT was I thinking? And yet, it was a fairytale day and I have (mostly) wonderful memories and everything worked out okay and I don’t regret it.
We got married in my home state, in a space that has been special to me since I was very young, and which I had been able to share with my husband in the many years of our courtship. We had a fairly small wedding – I think we invited about 75 people, and I’m guessing about 50 were able to attend. We got married in a tiny, non-denominational church, its alter backed by enormous windows that overlooked the snow covered mountains. Then we had the reception in the restaurant of a ski lodge.
The food was spectacular. Our dinner menu included a make-your-own pasta bar, tiny shot glasses of perfect creamy butternut squash soup, and miniature Brie grilled cheese sandwiches. We had huckleberry mimosas and a candy bar at which guests could fill up their own favor bags. Nearly all of our college friends attended, which was special to us; my husband and I met at college and we had a very tight-knit group of friends that we shared. We spent the evening dancing together in a big happy group enfolded by warmth and candlelight while outside enormous snowflakes drifted down from the sky.
My dress was strapless, with a sweetheart neckline, a lace bodice, and a full, satin skirt with a long train. Do I have a photo of it? No one had iPhones back in 2008, so it seems unlikely… Oh, right. Our photographer gave us a big binder full of thumbnails of all the photos he took, so here are photos of a few of the thumbnails that at least give you at least a sense of the dress. I never had a “this is it!” moment with my dress, and in fact ended up working with the designer to create a custom dress that I loved by piecing together parts of other dresses. And then I got sick in the weeks leading up to the wedding and lost so much weight we had to do an emergency last minute fitting session and my dress was QUITE baggy in the boobage area.
Looking back at these photos brings back some of the angst of the day. The person who did my makeup was running late, so we were late to the church and ran out of time to take proper photos. So I don’t really love ANY of the photos from that day. I’d wanted the kind of artsy pictures you often see of the dress hanging in gauzy light in front of a window, and pictures of the shoes and rings, and fun photos with the bridesmaids. But since we were so behind, all our photos took place in the basement of the church. I don’t know if you’ve been to many church fellowship halls, but they are not known for their beauty, and this one was no different. (My husband and his groomsmen got to take AMAZING photos outside the reception venue, and they are very cool and beautiful.) Also, while I had a hair trial with my stylist that went perfectly, something was wrong on the day of the wedding and she could NOT get a good curl in my hair. So when I look at photos, I haaaaaaaate my hair. Apparently I am still salty about wedding imperfections nearly fifteen years later. Obviously, none of it matters at ALL, then or now.
Here. Look at a slightly blurry photo of of a thumbnail of our cake. It was vanilla cake with vanilla buttercream (NO FONDANT) and huckleberry jam in between the layers. I loved it; my husband wasn’t as big a fan, unfortunately.
Another thing I loved about our wedding were the flowers. I adored my bouquet. Irises are my favorite flower, and it turned out exactly as I wanted it to. My bridesmaids each carried a bouquet of pure white flowers, each one chosen because that flower was special to that bridesmaid.
Okay, that’s enough reminiscing about our really very magical wedding! On to the rest of the questions!
Any siblings? And are you close?
I have one sibling, a younger brother. We love each other, and I enjoy his company, but I don’t know that we are “close.” He is six years my junior, which means that he was in middle school when I went to college. That’s a big gap. It also means that I perpetually think of him as my baby brother, with glasses that were too big for his face and skinny limbs and straw colored hair that stuck up on the top of his head. In reality, he is a six foot tall former soldier in his mid-thirties. He and his wife live four thousand miles away. We got to see them twice last year, which was wonderful. But it may be several years until we see them again. We never talk on the phone but we do text and email occasionally. (More about our relationship here.) He is in law enforcement, so he very patiently answers all the ridiculous questions about policing I come up with as I’m writing my silly murder mysteries. He is brilliant, hilarious, brave, and one of the most level-headed people I’ve ever met.
Are you on Twitter? (Is this even a relevant question since Twitter seems to be in free fall as I type?)
Technically, I am on Twitter. I have a Twitter account – one for this blog, one for the book blog – but I don’t really tweet. Twitter makes me VERY nervous, like I’m forever on the edges of a conversation other people are having. I do have a book-focused Instagram account, and I am more active there… but “more active” is not active active, if you know what I mean.
I know for this particular type of question the answer will vary (or, it would for me) depending on various factors. If money, school/work obligations, time, etc., were not obstacles where would you go for your dream trip/vacation?
If money/family/time were not obstacles, I would go on an extended trip to Europe with my husband and Carla. It would be so fun to rent a house in different countries for, say, a month, and then drive around to various cities in each country to really get a sense of what it’s like to live there. It has been my great good fortune to visit Europe several times and I love it and want to go back. There are a bunch of countries I’ve never visited, and a bunch that I would love to revisit, and old favorites (like France and Germany) that I have visited multiple times and still want to enjoy again.
Thanks for all the fun questions, Gigi! If anyone else has any questions or topics you want me to touch on, please feel free to ask me anything.
I LOVE ALL OF THIS.
First, your wedding. It looks absolutely beautiful and your dress is gorgeous and the flowers are gorgeous and the cake and food!!! Also, I would have visions of everyone going up in flames due to the candles. I have such a fear of that! But ahhhhh the dress looks so beautiful! What a dream day. Huckleberry mimosas and a candy bar. That is wonderful.
I deleted my twitter account – when was it? Time is a blur. First I deleted it off my phone and then I deleted my account altogether and I’m so glad I did. I think it was 2021. I enjoyed twitter back in the day, but then it just became a weird toxic cesspool.
These were all fun questions to see the answers to!
I scan Twitter now and again and it is… such a mind fuck. Cute cat memes! Then the world is going down in flames posts. Then like a thread about people’s most boring encounters with celebrities. Then a post about a man who is behaving so horrifically toward his girlfriend/wife/women who is a stranger to him that it makes me fear for the species. Then a science video about how windmills work. I don’t really know anyone on Twitter anymore, but I certainly don’t see posts from anyone I know, it seems? It’s awful. I should delete it too.
Oh my goodness– my parents offered us the same choice (and strongly pushed the idea of a wedding in Mexico AND a lump sum)– and we also picked the wedding. Gah. Young people are so stupid. Love your dress, and I had a pink and white rose and calla lily bouquet because early 2000s weddings, am I right?
Hahahaha – yes, hooray for poor financial choices and calla lilies!
That is so funny that you chose the wedding over a down payment. I think we often see only what is in front of our face and don’t think about the future, but especially when we were younger this was the case (at least it was for me!) My ex and I talked about getting married and he wanted a big wedding and I told him I would rather spend the money on travel! That is not why we broke up, but it was definitely more important to him that his family could celebrate with him on his special day.
I love your idea of travelling; I have actually looked into monthly rentals in Europe and I think that is totally doable! Plus you could live in Seville for a month and then in Lisbon etc. and you really could get to know a place. I even would not mind living in some of the smaller towns for a more local feel than the big touristy cities.
Right?! Wouldn’t it be amazing to hole up in some teeny little town in the middle of rural Poland and just see what it was like? I would LOVE that.
Like this one? Seriously, there are so many fun places that you can find that are not even very expensive! https://www.airbnb.com/rooms/543391073244334944?check_in=2023-08-28&check_out=2023-09-25&guests=1&adults=1&s=67&unique_share_id=dd822120-c57e-43ab-b5e4-26052043ec82
Omg that is a rare find! Look how close it is to CR and Slovakia! Brb – booking my late summer/early fall right now 😂
Your wedding sounds amazing. I wish you loved your hair and your photos though. Eek – makeup person, what was up with her tardiness? Your dress is beautiful. My good friend’s photographer took photos in the basement of the church and there is a random bulletin board in the background of many of her photos. I’m not sure many 25 year olds would have chosen the lump sum.
Traveling Europe and renting a house somewhere does sound wonderful. My kids are able to see so much while studying abroad thanks to cheap flights. They are getting around more than I did when I studied in Ireland in college for the year. So much to see!
Studying abroad is so smart! I’m really glad your kids are getting to have those experiences!
Wow, Gigi asks great questions! I’m dying to hear the story of your fake family heirloom.
I absolutely positively approve of your choice to take the wedding over the down payment – I mean y’all have a house so obviously it worked out.
I’m right there with you that if money (and having the boys being able to see their mom and taking the dog with us) was no object we’d take a year to be global nomads and live where ever/whenever. As it is we’ve got a long weekend in a cabin with a hot tub lined up for spring break, which is as close as we can get right now.
A long weekend in a cabin sounds pretty great, tbh! But yes, being able to travel at length with no concerns would be heavenly.
YOUR WEDDING DRESS! THAT CAKE! THOSE FLOWERS! Listen, we all were young and silly once. But the journey is what life is all about. Did you have a good time? Without a doubt. That is what it is all about. 💕
I’d love to visit Europe someday. Germany, Switzerland, and Ireland, in particular. My family started out in Germany, and my husband’s family originally came from Ireland. It would be super fun to take our entire family (grandparents included) on trips to see where our families originated.
Oh I love the idea of an extended family vacation! That would be so neat!
I know! Dream vacation.
In the end, you have a house and you have the memories of a dream wedding, so you win all around. Maybe it wasn’t the decision financial advisers would make, but it sounds like it was the right decision for YOU and your husband to make.
I think it’s interesting that people have dream vacations. There is NO WHERE I’d like to be for an entire year except at my house. Maybe a month? Maybe. That’s stretching it for me, though. Could I use that money to do some home repairs instead of traveling?
I get this, I do. I am a homebody, and I think that if I am honest with myself I would probably feel homesick if I went abroad for any amount of time. But it’s fun to IMAGINE what it would be like if I were a different sort of person.
Your dress looks beautiful and your flowers are stunning (and remind me a lot of mine; my favourite detail from our wedding).
My wedding has some really tough memories for me because of a dress issue. I had it altered when I was living in another province and I didn’t practice having my cousin tie it up at the store when I picked it up. I think looking back I didn’t position it right on my body (it was strapless and I wanted it to rest higher than it needed to). Anyway…to make a long story short, I had it cinched tighter and tighter (I had HUGE red welts) because it was heavy and I was convinced it would fall off, so it dug into my chest in this weird way and I HATED all my pictures. It is honestly still one of the most embarrassing and sad memories in my life.
My husband had a LOVELY day and thought I looked gorgeous and I know no one there cared or judged me, but it has left some really deep emotional wounds for me, to be honest.
The thing that made it the hardest? It WASN’T my dream dress, and I wish I had spent like the extra $200 and bought my dream dress that fit perfectly and had straps.
Awwww. I completely understand. I think there’s so much pressure around all things wedding being all caps PERFECT so when they aren’t, it does leave a mark! I’m sorry you had that experience.
I love your wedding dress. So pretty. I have the same dream about travel. I’d like to go on an extended trip to Europe with my husband, doing it the slow travel way. Stay in an apartment for a month, then move to another place and stay there for a few weeks, then onward… until I got too homesick and we’d have to come back.
It would be so nice, right? But I’m with you — I might get homesick after awhile.
Your dress is elegant and gorgeous! Buttercream rules. I can’t stand fondant although I understand its purpose in making cakes smooth and fancy. A close friend made my wedding cake for me as her gift; it was beautiful and tasty. And free!
Yes, fondant is beautiful but frosting is the tastier choice.
Well, you obviously made the right choice with your wedding because you have amazing memories, and don’t regret it (and as Birchwood Pie says, you guys have a house- so everything worked out.). It does sound like an incredible day!
I traveled a lot in Europe in my 20s and 30s (for work, long story) and now i’m realizing that there are all these beautiful places in the US that I’ve never been to. Like, all the National Parks in the southwest. I’ve never been to Yellowstone, or the Grand Canyon… so I think that would be my dream trip.
Yesssss… after our road trip west last year, my husband and I would love to do MORE road trips. We have never been to the Southwest and haven’t spent much time in the south or the northeast. I would also love to explore Canada. So many provinces I have never visited!
Please blog about your travels!
Oh, I love your wedding dress! And the ambiance you described sounds so lovely! I think you made the right choice selecting a wedding. Now you have both — a wedding you’ll always remember and a house!
I, too, am a homebody. I love a good trip here and there but I can’t imagine being gone on such long trips! But the closer to retirement I get, the more I’m open to one. I think the thought of the time/effort to plan such a trip and the return to work after a long trip just doesn’t sound appealing. I made myself do it every so often mainly for my son — otherwise, I probably would’ve been just as happy vacationing in my backyard. 🙂 The times I did, though, were so worth it for the adventures and memories we made.
Your dress!!! It’s divine! As are the cake, flowers, and all of it. And yes, I’d love to hear more about this “fake” family heirloom.
Thank you for taking the time to answer all my nosy questions, xo
Your dress is SO beautiful. My husband and I met freshman year but didn’t fall in love until junior year, so twinsies again (he dated one of my friends first, though, so presumably you’re not a twin of the slut-adjacent factor lol). I’m glad your wedding was so close to perfect for you – I feel the same about mine.
That is a bummer that your schedule on your wedding day got so thrown off that you had to take pictures in a church basement! Gah! But I am glad that the day was otherwise wonderful!! I love hearing about people’s wedding days and what they loved about them as each is so unique. We got married later in life at age 36. We opted to not have a wedding dance because we just wanted to have the chance to talk to people and not have the pressure to be in the dance floor. So after dinner, guest were encouraged to stay for cocktails, conversations and confections. A lot of my aunts and uncles said they loved that we did not have a dance because then they would hear conversations of those around them. Ha. But for many people, the dance was their favorite part of their wedding!
Your wedding dress! Oh my goodness, what a timeless look. I love it so much. I also really love that each of your bridesmaids got to choose their own type of flower – that’s such a unique idea. Thanks for giving us a glimpse into your wedding day! 🙂
Gigi did a great interview with you. 😉
I think your dress is amazing! And the candy bar? So ahead of your time. What an absolute bummer that the makeup artist did you wrong and kind of messed up everything?! It takes only one person to mess up the momentum….what a shame.
I’m a fan of your dream vacation/trip; let’s go!
As always, these AMA posts are pure joy of random tidbits – I loved hearing more about your wedding (a gorgeous dress!) but I share some of the same feelings about my own (hated our photos).