I mentioned in my Road Trip! Round Up that I weighed exactly the same amount when I got home as I had when I’d embarked on the trip. Even though I’d gone completely off Keto for the duration of the trip, and even though our dinners consisted of many burgers and beers, and even though I ate many many bags of chips.
This was so disheartening, Internet. I cannot express how my heart dropped when I saw that number on the scale. I mean, on the one hand, it was pleasant to not have that grit-teethed feeling of needing to start over from scratch. But on the other, more emotional hand, I felt like, “WHAT THE HELL HAVE I BEEN DOING ALL THIS TIME?”
It was already pretty clear that Keto – or my specific brand of low-carb eating – wasn’t working for me anymore. I’d been stalled at the same not-quite-ten-percent-of-my-body-weight weight loss since May, after all. I probably would have done Something about it earlier if we hadn’t been planning this Road Trip. But I have to admit I was hoping that a) things would correct themselves or b) I could buckle down after the Road Trip.
And then when it turned out I didn’t have to be on Keto to maintain my current weight… well, I didn’t get back to it. Instead, I kept eating like I was on a Road Trip. (Plus, I ate ALL the beans. Turns out the food I miss the most when I am doing keto is… beans. Black beans, navy beans, chickpeas. Burritos, tacos, stir fries, soups. ALL THE BEANS.) And now I am back where I was when I started this particular Keto journey in February. UGH UGH UGH.
I don’t know what to do now. Do I try Keto again? I think if I were really strict with it, it might help. But my husband refuses to follow it strictly, which makes it difficult for me to do so. He is all for doing low carb again, but that wasn’t working for me. I feel like the only two options are 1) Keep going the way I am going, which is unpleasant for many reasons or 2) Start counting calories again, which makes me want to walk into the sea. There are probably other options, but those seem like the most currently workable of them all.
Listen, we all know how FRAUGHT the topic of weight loss is. I don’t have the energy to rehash it here. But I DO want to lose weight. I do. So… I don’t know what I’ll do. We’ll see. That’s my Keto update, I guess: not doing Keto, not sure if I should try it again, not sure what to do instead. (Except stopping eating like I haven’t seen food in months.)
In the meantime, it’s clear that I NEED my Dinners This Week posts. Otherwise I end up staring despondently at my husband every night asking him, “What should I make for dinner?” And then we stare at each other, neither one of us offering any ideas, occasionally lifting our eyebrows hopefully in the other person’s direction, until we turn to stone.
Plus, groceries are SO out of control expensive right now that I absolutely CANNOT continue doing the thing where I come up with an idea for one single meal and go to the store and get ingredients just for that meal and end up spending $75. That’s not financially responsible. Nor can we eat takeout as much as we are currently doing. It’s not helping anything, weight-wise, plus it no longer feels like a treat, plus ALSO expensive.
Another reason I need to get back to planning is that my in-laws are coming to visit and I expect they will want to eat with us a good number of nights (they are staying in a rental)… and I really need to plan that in advance or my sanity will crawl out of my ears. (My current plan of AHHHHHHH and lots of takeout doesn’t seem reasonable.) Plus, we are having friends over for dinner at some point and I need to plan THAT. (Tacos. There, planned.)
Dinners for the Week of August 1-7
Salmon Cakes with Something Green: I don’t know why, but I’ve had a hankering for salmon cakes lately. My husband is not a salmon fan, but perhaps since it’s cakes and not straight salmon, he will eat them without too much complaint. I’m not sure what to have on the side. Green beans? Let’s say sauteed green beans.
Oven Baked Pork Chops with Broccoli: My husband requested these specifically, so on the plan they go, along with some steamed broccoli. I have some freezer potatoes (more appetizing than I am making them sound) to add if we’re feeling carby.
Chicken and Ginger Stir Fry: Here’s another one for weird cravings – I am really in the mood for a very ginger-y stir fry. Maybe this one would be better. Or this one. What I really want is a stir fry with no sauce (yes, it is me writing this; no, do not call the police) but instead just lots of fresh ginger and maybe some garlic in there. I haven’t found a recipe that meets these standards though, but I will keep looking.
Parmesan Garlic Fish with Something Green: This sounds yummy. Maybe I would try it without the breadcrumbs. And as for a side… sauteed spinach? Or maybe some roasted Brussels sprouts? Carla picked out a Brussels sprout at the grocery store and said she wanted to try one – JUST ONE, she made sure to clarify.
Baked Chicken Breasts with Zucchini: I love Nagi’s oven baked pork chops (and pretty much any of her recipes I’ve tried), so these are bound to be good. And the preparation seems very simple, which is always nice to have in one’s back pocket.
What are you having for dinner this week?
When I was diagnosed with diabetes, getting my blood sugar under control was the goal and I decided any weight loss that came with that would be a bonus. At first, I did think like that, but I got used to seeing the number on the scale go down and now when I plateau (I weigh now what I weighed a month ago) I start to feel squirrelly about it.
Anyway, dinners.
Sunday: Beth made tofu salad with tomato slices on the side
Yesterday: I made a spinach frittata with ricotta and tomato sauce on top
Today: I’m making tempeh lettuce wraps for Beth and me and tofu lettuce wraps for the kids
Wednesday: I’ll made radicchio and plum salad with vegetarian kielbasa on the side
Thursday: North is making baked eggs in spicy tomato sauce
Friday: homemade pizza
Saturday: no current plan
I counted calories to lose a significant amount of weight a few years back, and I’ve kept most of it off, but feel it creeping a bit. The thing is, I had a fairly nasty eating disorder for years, and counting calories feels a little triggering, more so now that I’m older, which is strange. I already have had to change my diet due to migraines, so more restriction=more triggering. I cannot restrict carbs, that is triggering. I can give up meat sooner than carbs.
So I’m doing something a little different. I’m eating ONLY when I’m quite hungry, and working on eating ONLY until I am not hungry, rather than full. In practice this has ended up with me not eating until about 11 am, and eating one helping at dinner rather than two just because it tastes good. I am also working on walking once a day, at least a mile. I don’t know if I’m losing weight (the scales broke when we moved and I haven’t bothered to replace them yet), but I feel less bloated and my digestion is better, so I’m calling that a win.
That is my problem with calorie counting: it is so obsessive. I like your plan and experimented for awhile with intuitive eating. It really sounds like the “best” way. But I am just not in tune with my appetite anymore I guess to do it successfully.
I think years of dieting really wreaks havoc with our hungry/full sensations. And of course when you’re restricting you tend to want to eat until you feel full, not just satisfied. In my case, I had bulimia, and yeah…really messed up my fullness meter! The calorie counting I did really did help in one way; I was able to see visually what a serving really was, and how much I had been eating, so that was helpful. It still took years for me to get out of the “I need to eat as much as I can before it’s taken away from me” mentality, but over time I became more mindful about servings and what my body really needs.
That said, I try not to get ravenously hungry to the point where i want to eat everything. If I’m at a point where my stomach is, indeed, growling and I can’t think of anything but food, that’s the time to eat. Not the time to restrict or “push through”. And then I eat one serving of something and sit a minute to see if the hunger is really gone. Usually it is!
This is how I regulate my weight. I never count anything and I eat whatever I want but I prefer to wait until I’m hungry and I hate feeling overly full. It works.
Oh, I SOOOO feel you on this. I hate the whole topic of weight loss, but yes, like you, I DO want to lose weight. I’ve been interested in Jamie’s (mostgladly.net) recent posts about lifting weights/women’s health (though not ready to go to a gym myself, no never). And the last week or so, I’ve been reading up on the legendary Mediterranean diet. It seem like it would be sustainable and I do like that there aren’t too many hard and fast RULES or counting involved. Counting cals or macros also makes me want to walk into the sea. Maybe a few more fish dinners, a whole lot more vegetables and olive oil, and a lot fewer cookies & CheezIts will do the trick?
I feel the exact same way about my weight and low-carb diets. Since turning 40 I just seem to be 10 pounds heavier than I was in my 30s and it’s so hard to get it off. Have you ever looked into Bright Line Eating? It’s basically no sugar and no flour and you eat certain amounts of specific food groups at each meal. It’s very strict, but I think it can be followed more loosely with success. Breakfast is grains + fruit + protein. Lunch is Protein + veggies + fruit. Dinner is Protein + lots of veggies. I tend to try to eat that way when needing to lose weight, with weekend cheats, because you know, life should also be enjoyed!
I lost 40 lbs (from an “unhealthy” weight to a healthy one) counting calories on Noom, which was the least irritating / easiest version of counting calories that I could find. It took me six months, and then I stopped counting calories and relied on my self to intuitively eat to maintain…and that was an enormous fail. It took me roughly 18 months to gain back 25 of the 40, which was super disappointing. So now I’m back to counting calories again, using a kitchen scale and all, and the weight is coming back off. I guess I just don’t know how to regulate my appetite? I don’t know, this time when I get to where I want to be I’ll just keep counting for awhile. I don’t like it, but I get used to it, and it works for me. I have a couple of friends who have done intermittent fasting, which worked for them. I did that and lost nothing for two months, and then immediately gained weight when I stopped. I think we all just have to find our thing; it’s different for everyone. I heard this fascinating conversation on NPR about a placebo effect in losing weight and other healthy gains – essentially about how if you think you’re being healthy your body will respond appropriately. The person had conducted a clinical study with hotel housekeeping staff.
I too have no idea how to regulate my eating. Solidarity fist bump.
I counted calories to lose weight after I gained a bunch when I broke my leg about a decade ago. It was so stressful and made eating such a challenge, but it did work. I stopped doing it and now I’ve been plateaued at the same weight (I should probably lose 10-15 pounds) for years and years. I like to eat and I don’t like to be grumpy.
Yes, I too like to eat and dislike being grumpy. I guess it’s being grumpy about being fat or being grumpy about not eating and I’ve tried the one for awhile now. Sigh.
A writer I like, Simcha Fisher, wrote about how she lost quite a bit of weight with a combo of calorie counting/intuitive eating: https://www.simchafisher.com/2021/08/25/i-lost-40-pounds-and-ill-tell-you-how-but-youre-not-going-to-like-it/
I really liked where she says: “I was gaining and gaining, and I knew I needed to do something, but I hated the idea of counting calories or joining a program, because I didn’t want to be thinking about food all the time. It seemed so dreary and awful and petty, thinking about food all the time.
Then it hit me: I think about being fat all the time. I think about it every day, every hour, sometimes more. I already think about it constantly, and it makes me unhappy every single time I think about it. So I thought OH WHAT THE HELL, I MIGHT AS WELL COUNT CALORIES. I didn’t even expect it to work! I just figured as long as I was going to be miserable, I might as well be miserable while trying, instead of being miserable while not trying.”
LOL – that is a VERY relatable quote!
I think weight loss is so individual, and really what works best is what you can live with long-term. If it’s at all encouraging, you might notice a change when you cook more at home vs eating take-out. For me, I think I retain a lot of water when I’m eating more takeout/fast food/restaurant meals. (I assume they are saltier that what I normally eat.)
Calorie counting worked for me but made me an obsessive crazy-woman. I can’t do any kind of restrictive diet like keto/low carb because I will not maintain it. For now, I’m just doing portion control and trying to eat high fiber/high protein foods that help me keep from feeling hungry again too soon.
What is weird to me is that my mental status seems to affect my weight. I can eat what I think is a larger than normal amount of food, but lose weight because I am stressed and nervous. It makes NO sense, and it makes me think hormones and other things are affecting my metabolism. Or something. 😀
Oh, this is so hard. I am right there with you.
Everyone’s body is different. For me, the scale is often two or three weeks behind my behavior, so I would see the “road trip bump” long after returning home. I have to stick with a new program for at least a month before I see results on the scale.
It helps me to frame weight loss as, “Choose my joy.” I can have the joy of eating whatever I want and not tracking calories, but the price of admission is being heavier than I want. This means that I can’t run/walk the way I’d like to, and I don’t feel as good. Or I can have the joy of feeling light, but for my body that only comes if I track every. single. bite. I eat. Like you, my appetite is not a reliable gauge of my food needs. Lately I’ve opted for Joy #1, but I am feeling the need to return to Joy #2 with the “price of admission” of tracking calories.
Anyways, take good care and you aren’t alone with this.
“Choose my joy.” Yes.
I can relate to every single word that you wrote here! The big bummer of meal planning is exactly what you say==>I have no problem figuring out what I want to eat but then I factor in what the rest of the family wants and I’m left with the drudgery of cooking meals that I hate and planning just becomes depressing. My temporary solution has been to farm the cooking out to the rest of the family but that’s a luxury that I have with older stepkids on summer break and a husband who finishes work earlier in the day than I do.
And yes, weight loss, right there with you on wanting to shed some extra lbs. I know how to lose weight, it’s just that it’s hard and it’s not that much weight so I think that makes it hard to stay motivated. Frickin’ calories.
Suzanne, I rarely comment on your blog-mostly just read so sort of a lurker- sorry. But this conversation is really interesting to me. I’ve sort of skimmed the comments and I don’t think in any of them I’ve really seen anyone voice a desire to just be healthy? Leaving the numbers on a scale aside I wonder how everyone, including yourself feels about their health in general? Are you all active, making attempts to exercise or move in some way? I also wonder about stress in your lives? Stress-rather it’s worry about a job, family, or once more that number you see on a scale, can be so influential to weight. I suspect I am much older than most of your readers. Years ago, trying to make better choices based not on losing weight but to help combat arthritis issues I changed my diet. I lost weight but it was more about simply being healthy and feeling better. About 7 years ago I was starting the process of divorce. All the weight that was lost came back and in the last few years prior to the finalization of the process I had gained 10 extra pounds also, eating exactly the same way as when I was losing weight. Cortisol and other stress hormones were going crazy! Within a year I had lost the weight, again without a lot of trying other than walking a few miles each day. What I suppose I’m trying to say is that there are so many factors involved in weight gain and loss, especially for women (just general aging is another as hormones change again) that I think we don’t do ourselves any favors by focusing on numbers or doing these flip-flops with various diets/regimes/and maybe even fads focused on weight loss. I hope you can find a way to make peace with all this- maybe just a healthy balance as a goal and leave the scale in the closet. Good luck.
This is such a wonderful, gentle, kind comment and I appreciate your perspective so much. While I can’t speak to others, for me, this is really more about weight loss than about “being healthy.” I feel like I AM pretty healthy — I exercise most days, I eat (mainly – Road Trip chips aside) fairly healthfully. But I do overeat, and I do think that hitting my forties has changed the way my body reacts to food and exercise, and I do feel uncomfortable in my body. So I recognize the value and importance in what you are saying! I do! Size is NOT important. I firmly believe that. I also believe that people at a wide range of weights and sizes can be perfectly “healthy.” So this is… well, it’s vanity, I guess. And also a need to regain control over something that seems to have gotten away from me. (I realize that sounds disordered, but it’s real.) And also a desire to feel more physically comfortable. I don’t know if any of that makes sense, and I DO think that I need to spend more time working on feeling good about me, whatever size I am. But right now, this is where I’ve landed: this particular aspect of my life is chafing at me, and has been for awhile, and I’ve tried to ignore it. And now I’m trying an alternative approach.
I get all of what you wrote, and have been there myself at various times! Perhaps- at least for me this can be one of the joys of reaching your 60’s and being retired. You have a lot of time to reflect, decide what to focus on and basically do whatever the heck you want! I have never maintained my weight at a set point until I was free of a husband and now it hasn’t changed in years- but I suspect that’s not the answer in your situation! I do truly hope you find the key that allows you to achieve the results you want. BTW- I do enjoy your menus a lot- they give me great ideas!
❤️
For me it’s just the weight! I am healthy – exercise regularly (was running a lot until I tore a calf muscle so now a ton of biking), good cholesterol and blood pressure, good stamina, etc. I genuinely don’t think I’m any healthier when I’m thinner. But that doesn’t stop me from wanting to lose weight!
I think that’s a mindset we all have (we being women) and it’s probably in part to the social norms forced on us regarding ideal standards. I guess that I have finally made piece with my body and just decided to stop fighting with the number I see on my scale! I’m not 25 so my pre-mom 120lbs is never coming back. The ups and downs of dieting in my 30’s and 40’s was tiring and draining and stressful. My body has now chosen the weight it is happy at- 150lbs. As long as I’m healthy and can be active going forward as I age more I’ve let the concept of an “ideal number” go. Thanks for sharing your views!
So I have used weight watchers multiple times and it always works for me. The first week is the hardest as your body adjusts to eating less, but I like that no food is off limit and points seems less overwhelming than calories, especially since there are lots of zero point foods, and they changed the plan so you can choose some other zero point foods, like when I did WW last year, my zero point foods were popcorn and oatmeal, but you can choose things like legumes or avocados, etc. I feel like they make it as easy as possible, like you can scan the bar code of nearly any food. I know my weight is creeping up a bit again since I’m not tracking/being as careful and am eating way too much ice cream! So I am trying to reign things in a bit. For me, it’s about being healthy and for vanity reasons… I want my clothes to fit and to look good/feel good and that means being in a certain weight range. I do think it’s hard to keep weight off in your 40s. Pre-kids, it was not all that hard for me to stay in a 5 pound range and now it’s much harder!
I had to count carbs when I was pregnant since I had gestational diabetes and I HATED IT. I felt like it took all the fun out of eating. And I had to eat differently than my husband. We already eat differently than our kids since the 4yo is so picky, so I can’t further complicate things!
Man alive, I’m in my mid-fifties and it just feels Deeply Unfair™️ that this weight thing keeps getting harder to keep under control!
Two things have been working for me over the last year – intermittent fasting has been fairly painless most of the time, I usually (except for high days and holidays) stick to an eating window of 1pm-9pm and try only to make better rather than perfect choices much of the time.
The other (slightly more niche!) thing that has helped is wearing Invisalign aligners! The fact that you have to remove them before eating anything at all and then brush your teeth afterwards before replacing them has slashed my snacking drastically and made me consider my choices much more carefully! I’m just hoping that I’ll be able to maintain this when I finish the treatment plan…
I am not a fan of anything that requires drastically cutting out entire food groups. I do not think I would EVER want to do Keto, not ever!! I love carbs too much. It would be so unsustainable for me. I have tracked macros before and it definitely works, but I also find it to be pretty tough to do long term! Especially with a husband/family/ social life.
I also think I’m a rather big baby about depriving myself of things I want. I don’t have the greatest willpower re: food. I’m also not the best really at just naturally balancing my diet, either. I can pretty easily slide into too many unhealthy choices, though on the plus side, I do not feel that I naturally OVER-eat too much. I think I’m pretty good at stopping when I am starting to feel full.
For me, the hardest thing with “dieting” or whatever you want to call it is that I sometimes don’t “feel” like eating what my body might do best with. For example. I know my body composition does really well with pretty high protein, and more moderate carb/fat. So a good breakfast for me might be an egg + egg whites + spinach + a sprinkle of cheese + 1 piece of toast. or something. But many days, I don’t FEEL like eating a high protein breakfast. I might just feel like 2 slices of PB toast. Or a bowl of cereal. Which while maybe even less calories wise, doesn’t actually do me any favors in terms of maintaining muscle (important! need that protein… ultimately helps with weight loss) and eating to fuel my body.
One other thing- I also always tend to lose weight on vacation, I think because I just don’t have as constant access to food! While traveling, I tend to eat mostly just at scheduled meal times and not as much in between. Or I’ve noticed, there are times that I may feel a little hungry, but we are at an attraction or hiking or in a museum, etc. and I have no choice but to wait until we are done and go to a restaurant. Whereas at home, I might have grabbed something quick to “tide me over”. I may do this more than I realize- and it adds up…hence maintaining or losing on vacation, when not as much of an option. I personally would never do Keto unless I had a very good, specific reason to need to. Doesn’t sound like it’s the best plan for you, based on what you’re saying…The best diet is one you can stick to! And generally enjoy.
I completely understand not feeling like eating what your body needs. Although… I also have very little clue what my body needs LOL. Like… would it do better with more protein? Or do I need to eat less fat? Or what????
Oh, also- if you are truly frustrated and this is very important to you, have you considered working with a nutrition coach? Although I feel that usually tends to involve some form of tracking/ counting…. But I know that accountability piece can be key for many people.
Ugh, I totally feel you. I cannot count calories because I quicky become obsessive, to an ED level of obsession, so I just try to eat nutritiously-dense meals and be calm about it. It’s a Journey, I will say that. xo
Ugh, I am so sorry you’re struggling. While I can understand that you were glad that your weight hadn’t jumped after your roadtrip, I can understand that “eating whatever while on vacation” and coming home to the same number on your scale must have been disappointing… I think sometimes the body’s response it slow, but it’s also a clue that keto maybe wasn’t working for you anymore.
I am a big proponent of intuitive eating, although I can understand that this can be difficult when you’ve had a disordered eating pattern (over-eating, jo-jo diets). . You probably not even sure what your body needs. It sounds like you’re living a healthy active lifestyle, so it must be frustrating to not see that reflected on the scale (and I understand that the number on the scale is a very personal thing and more about how you feel in your own body than anything else. )
I think focusing on nutrition-dense meals (where you feel like you can eat as much as you want without packing a lot of empty calories) could be a good approach.
I read that you should only do keto for a few months at a time. I recommend intermittent fasting- only meals and no snacks. Then if you hit another plateau, try keto again. 🙂