I need a root canal. Deciding that the tooth pain was bad enough to warrant a dental appointment wasn’t super fun. Confirming that I needed a root canal – first at my dentist’s office, then at the endodontist – was agony.
The dentist kept saying he was sorry for causing me pain, even though the whole point of the tests he was doing was to elicit pain. It was kind, but I have that reflex where I say, “that’s okay” or “it’s not that bad” in response to someone apologizing, which felt a) silly and b) untrue.
The endodontist did not apologize; not in a sadist-y way; he was kind, but just sort of stood there watching me clutch at my jaw as tears leaked from my eyes. He also offered me an Advil. His tests – which were very similar to the ones my dentist had done, just 30 minutes earlier – elicited a MUCH higher pain response. One test – he put liquid nitrogen or something on a swab and swabbed my tooth – hurt so bad that I cried. And then I felt ridiculous for crying. I tried to comfort myself by thinking that I couldn’t be the ONLY person to ever cry in that office; that must be why the assistant had tissues at the ready for me to dry my tears.
My dentist thinks, based on how nervous I get for dental work, that I need some sort of extra medication. Either something like V@lium or @tivan prior to the appointment, or conscious sedation during the procedure. He said, kindly, “That’s what I would recommend for my wife; she gets nervous about dental work. But I’m just telling you the options – you don’t need it. I wouldn’t do it, myself. Dental work doesn’t bother me.” Which made me wonder: ARE there people who are unbothered by dental work??????? This was a wholly novel concept to me. I figured that there was a spectrum, of course, from moderately nervous to requiring sedation just for a simple cleaning. But I never once imagined that there exist human beings who don’t mind dental work.
(As for my spot on the spectrum: I get nervous for a simple dental cleaning; I clench my hands into fists, my arms and legs are rigid the entire time, I have to do anti-anxiety breathing while I’m in the chair, waiting for the exam to begin. I did a LOT of focused breathing today, let me tell you. And then cried in my car all the way home.)
The thing is, for me to do any sort of pre-medication, I need someone to drive me to and from the appointment. And my husband is unlikely to be able to do that anytime in the near future, if at all. And I don’t know that I have any friends who I would feel comfortable asking. So I am feeling very sorry for myself indeed. I suppose there is always Uber, but I have never once used Uber so that’s another hurdle to surmount.
Part of the reason I cried in the car (aside from the lingering tooth pain following the swab) was that I felt so ridiculous about crying. The crying was bad enough on its own. But then I couldn’t stop crying. And even when I finally got the actual tears under control, I still had Wobbly Voice. Ugh. I couldn’t stop thinking of that awful anesthesiologist who commented on my ability to withstand pain when I was in labor. Maybe I have a very low pain threshold, and other people are going around dealing with similar or worse pain without being fazed one bit. And maybe everyone thinks I am a huge baby who is making a mountain out of a molar pain. And I am FORTY YEARS OLD for floss sake, why can I not just GET IT TOGETHER like the adult I supposedly am instead of acting like a whiny child?
This is just the latest in a run of negative self-talk that I can’t seem to squash. It started with my writing and has since spilled over into every other aspect of my life.
I am suspecting – and hoping – that it has at least something to do with the calendar: both the monthly calendar, which has spun right around to canker sores and chocolate cravings, and the annual calendar, which has turned once again to the anniversary of my friend’s death. Not to mention, we are now sliding down the dark slope of fewer hours of sunshine each day and facing the looming pressures of the holiday season.
While I do my focused breathing and wait for the calendar to flip a few pages forward, if you have any advice for how you pull yourself out of this kind of self-talk tailspin, I would greatly appreciate it. For now, I have self-medicated with Trader Joe’s macaroni and cheese and some of my only-on-the-weekends good tea. And, of course, I am blabbering it all to you. (Thank you for listening.)
I do not enjoy dental work, and I do get tense and anxious, but nearly all of my fillings have been done without novocaine. I know it will hurt for a short time, and it does hurt, but I hate novocaine shots with a fiery passion. The lack of feeling is so disconcerting, plus you still have the discomfort of having your jaw open and drilled upon and stuff shoved around your mouth. Anyway, I did need minor gum surgery (not a novocaine-free procedure), and they offered me nitrous. I accepted, but ended up asking them to turn it down because it made me feel funny and straight into panic attack. But maybe it would work for you! I’m not sure if I needed a driver or not.
Look into whether you really want a root canal. I’ve had one and it didn’t last and ended up with an abscess and needing the tooth pulled within 2 years. And that’s not unusual. Now I have an implant. If I ever need another root canal I will have them pull it and do an implant instead if that will work for that tooth. I don’t have major anxiety with dental work and do fine with just numbing but I struggled with the root canal. It’s a lot of time with your mouth stuck open and I felt like I was suffocating. Not fun.
https://fermeliadental.com/root-canal-vs-implant-which-is-best/
I do not mind dental work. I don’t look forward to it or anything, but I don’t really view it with apprehension either, not like I do pap smears (THOSE are fun when you’re tense and nervous, let me tell you!). I am wholly sympathetic to the pain though. I had an ordeal a few years ago where I badly needed a root canal and couldn’t get one right away (my dentist was like “let’s just try a crown first!” and then went on vacation, and it was the holidays and everything was conspiring against me) and it hurt So Much. I was talking to my PCP after everything was over about how I felt like such a baby being in so much pain when it was just a tooth and she said “you know that teeth have a jillion nerve endings, right? And when there’s infection or inflammation, they can’t swell like other body parts can, so all of that pressure just builds and builds. Of course it hurt!” which made me feel a little better. All this to say, I do not think you are a huge baby who is making a mountain out of a molar pain even a little.
I’m usually okay with dental work (I mean I don’t look forward to it or anything) but The Husband does have issues. When he needed a root canal, they gave him something to take prior and that was a blessing. Yes, I had to drive him but it was worth it because he was so very calm before the procedure. If I were closer, I’d drive you.
Sending you hugs – that anniversary is a difficult one I know. My friend’s birthday was a few days ago, and that was hard too. I think for the rest of our lives, their birthdays and anniversaries of their deaths will be sad days. Yes, it will get easier, but still sad.
An Advil? As in, one? For pain bad enough to make you cry? That seems inadequate!
I am not good with dental work. I have an over-sensitive gag reflex, which makes even cleanings difficult, and then I have a low pain threshold too. (I am a joy.) You have my sympathies.
I hope you can figure out the best way to get the treatment you need without too much more stress. But whining doesn’t count on blogs, so let it all out here!
Ick. That sounds like an absolutely terrible, horrible, no good, very bad day.
Wow did I spiral into literal self loathing at my root canal last year. I’m usually okay with dental work but that one just… made me hate myself? For being in pain? While the dentist and assistant chit chatted above me?
I can’t even understand it, but it felt like my pain and suffering were proof I deserved it… it sucked. And it was also crazy as I didn’t deserve pain and I don’t and I’m a good person, but boy howdy did that one send me on a spiral!
Oh! And I got out of the spiral by really remembering that “just because I think something doesn’t make it true”
Can you ask the endo if he can do the root canal with laughing gas (nitrous oxide)? I’m pretty sure you can drive yourself.
Oof – I don’t have any issues at all with visiting the dentist at all (my son fell asleep during his unmedicated root canal, he was so relaxed!), but anything that would help you relax beforehand can only be a good thing. Accept with alacrity! Also, do ask a friend for a lift. I think most people actively like being helpful given the chance. If you do have to end up in an Uber, it’ll be perfectly fine (are you concerned that it’s an Uber particularly? Might you be happier with a more traditional, but more expensive, established taxi firm?).
Oh Suzanne, I’m so sorry. First, I want to say that we all have different pain thresholds, and a person with a high pain threshold is not morally superior or better than a person with a lower threshold. It’s just the way we feel pain, and the way we are made. Second, dental pain is awful. There are so many little nerve endings in our teeth! There’s a reason the dentists are dreaded as a group. I haven’t had any major dental work but I was in for a cleaning this week and I will tell you, I would much rather have a pelvic exam – and my doctor can never find my “tilted cervix” than “dental scaling.” Ugh.
I agree with Sally, maybe a taxi instead of an Uber? I have never used Uber, I feel like I’d rather get a taxi or sedan. I would really recommend the sedation dentistry, if you can swing it. It exists for a reason and that reason is that dental work is dreadful.
xoxoxo I hope you feel better.
Also, I am sending love to you on that difficult anniversary.
I hate having anything done to my teeth—and this sounds like a Very Extra dental situation. I think if this were me, I’d be thinking right now about WHICH anxiety I wanted to deal with: the dental procedure without Helpful Medication, or the figuring-out-a-ride situation. My own preference would be to get the anti-anxiety medication (either the sedative or else nitrous oxide if they have it because I love that stuff) and deal with the anxiety of either figuring out Uber or deciding which friendship I might want to be a closer friendship (my experience on the asking/receiving ends of favors is that asking/doing them makes the friendship a closer one). I personally would really love to be asked by a friend to give them a ride to an appointment like this, because Doing Practical Favors gives me a rush of the Good Brain Chemicals.
I’m sorry for the sadness of that anniversary and that you have stress about the dental situation. I’m okay with most dental work– I don’t like it, but it doesn’t cause me anxiety– which is good because I found out at my last dentist appointment that I need another crown and a filling redone. (I did have a root canal years ago and it wasn’t fun, but it was fine.) I hope it all goes as well as possible for you. Oh, and I take Lyft frequently, or I did pre-pandemic, now I do occasionally. I was nervous about it at first, but now it’s routine. But if it adds to the distress you already have about the procedure, maybe what Swistle suggested about getting a ride from a friend is a good idea. No reason to tackle two fears at once.
I am deeply afraid of dental work – my dentist as a child was brutal – but I still can’t take the nitrous gas. It makes me feel weirdly panicky and out of control, so I’d rather just have Novocain or whatever for numbing / pain, not the more loopy stuff. But I 1) don’t suffer from general anxiety and 2) am a bit of a control freak. I know a bunch of people who very much disagree with me! Fun story – I once had a dentist who refused to give me anything at all for a root canal because I was pregnant. I didn’t know better so agreed, and it was pretty much a horrifying experience and cemented by dentist dislike. But then the next time I had a root canal I had a great dentist and the whole thing was painless and easy, despite my stress. So I think it’s all about the dentist!
I am not crazy about dental work, but I feel like it just is what it is. But you asked “if you have any advice for how you pull yourself out of this kind of self-talk tailspin, I would greatly appreciate it .” With huge sympathy since I have been there and done that (several times) I would encourage to find a great therapist and work with her on the things that put you into the tailspin and the things you can do to help yourself out. We all need help from time to time; no shame.
So sorry about the need for a root canal. 🙁 I also haaaaaate dental work. I can handle the regular cleanings but anything beyond that stresses me right TF out, if you’ll pardon the expletive.
What a delightful little pun you made with the “mountains out of molar pain,” though! I see you. 🙂
For the pulling myself out of negative talk tailspin, I ask myself, “How would I speak to my daughter/a dear friend, if she were in this situation?” and then try to speak to myself in that same gentle, loving, supportive way. I would never DREAM of speaking to my daughter/a dear friend the way I sometimes speak to myself, so thinking about it that way gives me some much-needed perspective. xo
Anything involving the dentist makes me anxious, too! Like, I’ve been needing to go to the dentist about the cavity they filled SIX MONTHS AGO that is still too sensitive and I just keep putting it off because I don’t want to deal with being at the dentist. However, I know people who LOVE going to the dentist and would prefer that over an eye exam or something.
I would definitely plan for something really great to reward yourself for making it through the dental work – like a new book or a delicious dinner out or an afternoon spent just reading in the sunshine. Rewards are everything to me, haha.
I like Dr Becky’s simple approach to these moments. Acknowledge: I’m feeling worried validate: it’s a bad time of year for me, there’s a pandemic, dental work really hurts, (etc), *it makes sense for me to be stressed* and Permit: I’m allowed to feel this way.
I would happily give you a lift to your appointment and I am 100% sure your friends would feel the same, fwiw.
Also I cried at the physio, quite a lot. I didn’t need to be, but I was mortified. Now I’d try at least to take the attitude that humans’ eyes sometimes weep, it’s just the way we are.
Xx
Thank you. This is so kind and comforting.