My mother-in-law is doing great: her recovery from surgery has gone well, and there is no chemotherapy required, and maybe not even radiation – we are SO thankful – and so my in-laws have returned to their home state (temporarily).
I spent the weekend recovering. This involved washing all the linens and towels, and cleaning the bathrooms, and vacuuming the floors which assemble a LOT more debris when two extra people live here, especially because they are In-Home Shoe Wearers in their own home, and sometimes forget that we are a Shoeless Household.
I taught Carla how to clean a bathroom, and she was surprisingly enthusiastic about the whole process. We’ll see if she can do it herself next time. I don’t remember how old I was when I learned how to clean a bathroom, but it is definitely a skill that has come in handy over the years. And it’s so satisfying, to begin with a (small) dirty room and end with something pristine and sparkling.
My energy seems to have ended there, with bathroom cleaning; I still have two loads of laundry to do and I need to put Carla’s duvet cover back on her duvet, which is always a bit like wrestling a recalcitrant caterpillar back into its cocoon. I got the duvet cover back on the guest bed duvet, so the bed is all ready for my in-laws when they return. (Although there is some talk of them staying in a hotel next time? We’ll see.)
They were lovely, so gracious and grateful and helpful, and I could tell that they were making an extra effort to not be any trouble. I appreciate the effort SO MUCH and also feel bad that they weren’t able to simply focus on my mother-in-law’s recovery. In any case, it was the pleasantest three weeks of houseguests I could have imagined.
But I am still an introvert’s introvert. I work from home, by myself, and am used to long stretches of time with just me here. So having people around – even people who were trying very hard to be invisible – was a real strain on my Human Interaction abilities. And there is just inevitably so much more housework when you have added two extra humans to a house. Plus, I would say that my husband and daughter are also very introverted and so they were crankier than normal (perhaps I, too, was crankier than normal) and I think we all did the best we could but it’s nice to have our normal, quiet just-the-three-of-us routine restored.
It makes me think a little about The Future, and whether we’ll have more times like this – parents requiring medical care who need to stay with us. One set of parents has A Plan, and that involves a retirement community with assisted living as they need it; the other set doesn’t seem to have that sort of plan at all. And I’m aware that in many cultures, elderly parents simply become part of their children’s household when they can no longer live alone, and I would want to be a home for any of our parents should they need it.
It does also solidify my desire for a dedicated mother-in-law suite, though. A privileged way of looking at life, to be sure, but also I am newly aware of the precious value of having One’s Own Space.
The last thing I will say about no longer having houseguests is that I feel like I have my husband back. His parents are night owls, so we really never got any time together while they were here. I would say goodnight around ten, and all three of them would still be up watching TV or chatting. There were maybe two occasions when my in-laws went out with friends, but I think on those nights, we were both so relieved to be free of entertaining duties that we retired to our separate corners to be completely alone. It’s been so nice, this weekend, to just hang out with him. We finished the first season of Sacred Games and worked on a jigsaw puzzle together and watched football together. It’s been so nice to enjoy time with just him (or just him and Carla) again.
Anyway, I am stalling because my family needs to eat and yet I am Tapped Out on food ideas. Literally the only thing I can think of to make this week is Crockpot Tortilla Soup. That should get us through two nights and possibly some lunches. I feel kind of tacoed out – we had the Crockpot Chicken Tacos last week, and I doubled the amount of chicken so we ate that for DAYS, and then one night we had burritos, and then another night we ordered takeout and I turned THAT into tacos for a couple of meals, too. So I think I will save tacos for another week.
Embarrassingly, I STILL have not made two of the menu items I shopped for a couple of weeks ago. So I suppose I will put them back on the menu, and hope that the cauliflower and herbs haven’t gone bad while I’ve been ignoring them.
Dinners for the Week of September 20-26
- Crockpot Tortilla Soup: Yum.
- Lebanese Chicken with Charred Cauliflower: Hopefully the cauliflower is still edible but it’s been in the downstairs crisper since I bought it two weeks ago, so there’s always the possibility that it has grown legs and wings.
- Follow Up: The salad was delicious – fresh and bright and just so so good. But paired with the chicken, which was fine, the whole meal was VERY lemony and got to be too much. I would pair the salad with something else entirely.
- Steak and Potato Skewers with Rosemary Chimichurri: This really does sound yummy to me, I don’t know why I keep avoiding it.
- Some Sort of Grilled Chicken with a Side Salad: I don’t feel like going to the grocery store today, so I will have to figure something out with what we have on hand.
How long does it take you to recover from houseguests? Am I the only one who feels like my insides have been scooped out and run through the washing machine?
No matter how much I love the houseguests, it’s still quite a thing to have them here. I swear it takes at least as long as the visit to recover.
First – that is just tremendous news about your MIL! 🙂 And yes, I really stress out when we have overnight guests. My 83 year old mom will sometimes have someone drop her off if they are driving this way (we are about a 2-1/2 hour drive) and then stay for a number of days, until she has a ride home.
She is one of those people who talks during TV shows (ARGH) and I need to focus and read captions (I am deaf with cochlear implants), so it is incredibly stressful to even watch TV with her. She is not robust enough to go for walks like she used to, so I kind of end up just sitting around all day to entertain her (and we do not see eye to eye politically, so I spend a lot of time dodging topics she brings up). I usually have a major tension headache while she is here.
But she’s my mom, she’s old, and I feel terribly guilty that I don’t really enjoy her visits like I should. I am a terrible person!
You are NOT a terrible person at all, and it sounds like you are a lovely daughter and host to your mother. But I do understand the sentiment. And the dodging of political topics is SO EXHAUSTING.
Great news about your MIL. We never have houseguest because we don’t have a guest room. Visitors just stay at a hotel. That might change when we’re empty nesters.
My sister lives closer to my mother (same town, all the way across the country from us) so she’s likely to be the main caregiver if my mom ever needs one. My MIL lives about 5 hours away, but Beth’s brother is much farther away, so I’m not sure what would happen in that case. Beth’s father died suddenly and mine after a short illness when his wife was young enough to care for him, so we weren’t called upon to step into that role.
That is excellent news about your mother-in-law’s health!
And yes, it takes me a few days to recover from guests. And my husband is an extrovert who LOVES to have people over. I am currently grumpy because it is Monday and he SHOULD be at work, but instead he is still in bed, possibly with allergies, possibly with COVID. WHO KNOWS THESE DAYS?! CAPSLOCK IS HOW I FEEL INSIDE. So worry over why he isn’t feeling great and annoyance that my normal Monday routine of recovering from Seeing People and Doing Things (which is really like, running a few extra errands and seeing the two friends that we match covid-risk-taking-levels with, so not much and yet.)
Have you tried the burrito method for duvet covers? I can get our super king duvet in its cover by myself with the burrito method! Turn duvet cover inside out, lay flat on bed with opening at the bottom. Lay the duvet on top, tie corners in place if that is an option. Starting at the head of the bed, roll duvet and cover together towards the foot of the bed. Once it is all rolled up like a jelly roll, reach inside the cover to the corners and turn the cover right side out with the duvet inside. Shake/roll back out, close opening, take a nap because changing sheets is exhausting.
LOL – yes I use the burrito method and yes I always need a nap afterward! I hope hope HOPE your husband has JustACold and nothing more!
He has claimed it was just allergies, thankfully.
I need to change sheets today and I am putting it off by typing this.
Great news about your mother in law, and also having your house/family/routines/space to think back.
I am finally branching out and using real recipes to cook this week…. We’re having https://tasty.co/recipe/cheesy-chicken-and-broccoli-pasta#.prlkMRXow
And https://themodernproper.com/cilantro-lime-chicken-thighs made into nachos, and
https://tasty.co/recipe/one-pan-balsamic-chicken-veggies, in addition to leftovers and chicken pot pie.
Yum! These all sound delicious!
Oh, I am so glad your MIL is doing well! They sound like very pleasant houseguests but three weeks, well, that’s a long visit. But so glad she’s well!
I have thought a lot about parents needing care. Both my parents and my MIL are adamant about staying in their own houses. Like, never would they go into a retirement community or similar, which is unnerving particularly because they have large properties. But, we will see. It’s stressful to think of.
We never have houseguests! We are in a small house with no guest room, but I would imagine it would be tiring.
I’m glad things are looking so good for your MIL! I would be beyond exhausted by having even the world’s best houseguests for that long, though.
I live with my mother and am really glad that I’m here when she needs help, but it does feel like a lot of pressure sometimes. My brother is super supportive but on the other side of the country, so a lot is on me right now. However, she is totally grateful and we are aligned politically and in a lot of ways, so it could be much harder than it is.
When we were house-shopping, most of the homes of the TYPE we were looking were the type that contained an in-law suite, and I VERY MUCH LIKE those. They seem very handy in MANY WAYS: in-laws, of course, but also any guests, and also grown children who need to come back home in an emergency, and also all sorts of other situations. The house we ended up choosing does NOT have an in-law suite, and I found/find that disappointing. But: Paul’s parents are No Longer With Us, and my parents claim they would hate nothing more than to live with their children, so. But still! And this house DOES have some of the elements of an in-law suite, though broken up throughout the house so it doesn’t count—but, like, for awhile the house was rented in two halves. We are so curious to know how they did that. We see evidence of it in odd places, such as locks on doors you wouldn’t expect to lock. And our laundry room is actually an old kitchen: our washer and dryer are where you could have a stove and a fridge, and there is a small counter and some cabinets. But we still don’t see how it worked, and we think it may have been rented in halves BEFORE a remodel of some sort.
SO thankful to hear that your mother-in-law is doing well! The ageing parent thing is something we don’t have to worry about now as my parents have been gone for a long time. My sweet mother-in-law would never consider moving in with any of her children. When my BIL started trying to get her to move from PA to a senior living community near him in CT, I was concerned (loss of friends, independence, driving, etc.). But, every time I have talked to her since she moved she tells me just how much she loves it there and wished she’d moved sooner.
And yes, houseguests are stressful – even if it is family.
That is great news about your mother in law. Three weeks – holy Toledo, that’s a very long time, even if the house guest is the more considerate type. We don’t have houseguests . . . no one would want to stay here. No extra beds, plus chaos overload. So we are kind of off the hook there. I wouldn’t mind having an excuse to get the house in houseguest condition, because I could demand assistance from my offspring. Still, probably better that we don’t go there. My parents are less than a 10 minute walk from my house. I can’t imagine them ever giving up their independence. Their house isn’t small. It is handy that there are so many of us pretty close . . . not sure how I feel about me being physically closer than the rest.
I’ve long wanted to blog about our situation with my parents and my MIL, but can’t because some of them read my blog. 😉 So it would be cathartic for me to leave some of it here; hope you don’t mind. It’s very stressful for me. We live 6.5 hours away by car, dad is now 80 and slowly getting worse with Parkinson’s. Mom is 5 years younger and handling it VERY WELL INDEED, having to do things like take out the garbage and change light bulbs and ALL the home maintenance she never had to do before, as well as the cooking/cleaning she always did, but it’s a lot for her. I wish so much I could just pop over on a Saturday for a couple hours and do those things for her. 🙁 It fills me with guilt. My sister lives across the country.
I don’t know how to solve it – I think the time for moving them here has passed, we should’ve done it 10 years ago if we were going to do it. I’m grateful to my cousins who are like brothers/sisters to me, who live across the street from my parents. But I also feel guilty they have to bear what should be my burden.
My MIL is alone, too, 4 hours away in another direction. very independent and in good health so far, and her other son lives 30 minutes from her. But still.
This is why I tell my kids frequently NOT to move far away. Or, go away for college, but PLEASE come back. Aside from free babysitting for their future kids, it will relieve them of this kind of guilt. :/
You did great with your 3 WEEKS of visitors. And I relate to the feeling of not seeing the husband at all during times of houseguests. Such a relief your MIL doesn’t have to do chemo and hopefully not radiation.
Oh Lee, that IS stressful! I can understand why you wish you/they were closer. Thank goodness for cousins — and I would guess that if they freely help out, they do so out of love and don’t feel it as a burden. (Of course we can all still be stressed out by helping out, but that doesn’t mean we don’t do it with our full hearts! And I am sure that is the case for your cousins!) Hoping your MIL stays in good health – but happy to hear she has a child who lives so near.
Oh that is such great news about your MIL! Hooray! What a relief. <3
I constantly worry about my mom and getting older and taking care of her. My brother is married with a family, so if anything happens, I know it will fall on me (the single, childless one) to take care of her. And I just get so exhausted thinking about being a caretaker because that's such hard work. Hopefully it's not something we have to worry about anytime soon (my mom is only in her mid-50s) but I'm well aware of how easily a cancer diagnosis can happen, and it's one of the many things I worry about. Sigh. Getting older is for the birds!
On a completely different note, that Crockpot tortilla soup looks delicious! I may have to make it next week (even though it's not soup weather over here, but if I lived my life by that logic, soup weather would be a month out of the year, haha.)